Chapter 26: Loss
AN: This chapter was the hardest one to write so far. I was in tears by the end of the chapter, so enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender
Silence.
It was as if the world had suddenly stopped the moment that Aang ceased to breathe. A ghostly smile was etched across the airbender's face, a bittersweet remnant of what Aang had brought to the world. But now, he is gone. The world's one hope, the one who had brought an end to the war, the last airbender, has stopped breathing. A gentle breeze passed through the Plaza as the former airbender's element softly cried out into the night.
Broken.
A waterbender, an earthbender, and a warrior all sat in shock as they knelt next to the lifeless body of the Avatar. The other warrior was out somewhere, hopefully returning soon with water. If only she had been quicker . . . A wallowing cry out into the night broke the silence of the moment. The waterbender's body shook as a river of tears flowed out of her, grief pouring into the air as she mourned for her companion. The toughest earthbender in the world had now turned into a crying child, her own tears falling as she mourned for her friend who gave her freedom. A warrior, known for his cunningness and bravery, cowered into a ball as he wept for his fallen brother.
Anger.
Sokka, stood up, rage fighting the tears in his eyes, and screamed out into the night. A furious yell rang throughout the Plaza as the warrior chucked his boomerang with all his might at the nearest militia soldier, shattering the ice and causing the soldier to fall to the ground in a helpless heap. Sokka wasted no time closing the distance between them, grabbing the soldier by the shirt and pressing them against the wall. The words that followed from the Southern Water Tribe Warrior echoed throughout the Plaza, his yells displaying the anguish he was feeling.
"You heartless monsters! Tell me what Aang did to any of you. TELL ME!" Silence filled the empty void as the soldier only cowered in his grasp. "He went out and saved the world and this is how you repay him? By killing him? I'M GOING TO KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU. YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR ACTIONS."
Desperation.
Suki returned with two buckets full of water. Katara clinged onto any sort of hope and immediately used the water, allowing the healing glow to form as she worked on Aang's back. Blood poured onto her hands as she desperately attempted to seal the wound, as if that would bring the airbender back to life. Sokka collapsed into Suki's arms in tears, who fell to the ground in horror. Toph immediately cuffed the soldier who became free from Sokka's grasp before nestling herself into Sokka and Suki's group hug for comfort.
Disbelief.
"I don't understand," Suki stammered. "We were all just together at a party a few hours ago. He stopped the militia and won the battle. He stood up to hug Katara! This shouldn't have ended this way!" Sokka, the pragmatist, couldn't even come up with a logical argument to go against his girlfriend. Toph's face remained blank as she sat in a state of shock. Even the members of the militia who looked on from their imprisonment couldn't believe the sight before them.
Bargaining.
"Aang . . . please . . . don't leave me." Katara cried out as she continued to pour water into his wound. The gap in his reopened scar was starting to close, and the amount of blood seeping out of his wound had greatly lessened. "I'll do anything so you can live . . . even if it means giving up my own life . . . please Aang, I can't live without you!" The waterbender's three friends managed to drag themselves over to her, Suki and Sokka trying to place their hands on her shoulders to comfort her. They could never succeed in their task. Their hands weren't Aang's.
Help.
Footsteps were heard as they loudly pattered against the ground. A group of Fire Nation Soldiers appeared in full armor, ready to fight. They were met with a sight of their enemies already subdued and trapped in ice, and a group of broken friends. The leader, another high-ranking General of the Fire Nation, emerged forward and tapped the Southern Water Tribe Warrior on the shoulder. Before Sokka could even turn around, the General gasped as his sights fell upon the airbender. No words needed to be spoken. The General swiftly turned around and ordered his soldiers to arrest the militia who was entrapped in the ice.
Acceptance.
The General joined the rest of the group as he observed Katara finish up the last of her healing on the airbender's body. The scar had been at least closed for now, and if Aang were to be alive, it would require many more healing sessions to fully recuperate. The General softly spoke his question into the night, knowing that it would hurt the group of friends who surrounded the Avatar, but he needed answers. "Is he alive?" The Southern Water Tribe Warrior could only look back at him with solemn eyes, his face wet with tears, as he responded. "No. Avatar Aang is dead."
Hope.
The words from her brother caused Katara to hang her head, burying herself into the crook of Aang's neck as she sobbed. Ever since the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, she had constant nightmares about this very moment. The waterbender often soothed herself by placing her head on the airbender's chest as he slept, allowing the heartbeat he listened to serve as a reminder that he was alive.
Katara performed that action once more. Closing her eyes, she placed her head on her companion's chest as she tried to disassociate herself with the world. Another round of tears were about to overcome her, when she suddenly froze. Katara thought she felt something, and she anxiously listened, waiting for it to happen again. A short while later, she felt it again, and she sprung up from the airbender's body with a look of hope overtaking her features. "Toph, I think I feel a heartbeat!" The waterbender wildly exclaimed as the earthbender stopped what she was doing to concentrate. The world stopped in silence as everyone waited for the earthbender's confirmation. Suddenly, a wide grin formed over Toph's face as she nodded. The heartbeat was weak, and it was far from being able to stabilize his body, but there was hope.
Action.
The General and Sokka sprang into action immediately, picking up the airbender's body and running out of the Plaza. The General announced to the group of friends trailing behind that they would be heading to the Fire Nation Palace so he could be looked at by their physicians. There was a small chance that they would be able to save the airbender, and this group was going to take any chance they could get. The group ran as fast as they could back to the Palace, all of them refusing to give up on the one who never gave up on them. At last, they arrived. Confusion and terror rang throughout the hallways as guards had the brief visual of the Avatar's body. Finally, the group burst into the medical wing, startling a group of physicians that were conversing with each other. One look was all it took, and they sprang into action.
It had been a painfully long half hour as the physicians worked on Aang. They refused to allow anyone else in Aang's room, much to Katara's frustration. She had to be physically held and restrained by both Sokka and Suki for her to stay put. The waterbender felt as if she was failing her companion by not being by her side. When he fell in Ba Sing Se, she was inseparable from him. Katara was responsible for all of his healing, and now she felt completely and utterly helpless.
The waterbender's mood constantly shifted each minute. Sorrow, anger, despair, and loneliness constantly cycled through her as she tried to grasp the reality of the situation they were in. People were supposed to be taking care of her right now. Katara still felt sick to her stomach, but now it was for entirely different reasons than when she left from the party earlier tonight. The waterbender felt self-hatred overtake her as she wished she would have stayed at the party. She could have gotten more time with Aang, and they may never have been in this situation in the first place.
Katara knew she had no right to be angry with him, but part of her resented the airbender. He had promised her that he would always find his way back to her. He knew that this was her number one insecurity, the reason she had held back from entering into a relationship in the first place. Katara felt so selfish for having these thoughts, but she was hurt. She couldn't imagine a life without him. He had become her comfort, her sense of peace, and her reason for living. Without him . . . she didn't see a reason to . . .
The waterbender shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she played with the bracelet that Aang had made for her only a couple of months ago on her wrist. She knew that if the airbender didn't make it, he would never forgive her if she took the easy way out to join him. Plus, she couldn't imagine the amount of pain that she would put the rest of her family through. Katara just couldn't understand why the amazing people in the world like her mother and Aang had to be taken from them.
The doors to the waiting room burst open, Zuko rushing in. The Fire Lord was panting as a desperate look was strewn across his face. Zuko took one look at everybody's faces in the room and his spirits were shattered. Everyone but Katara got up to greet him, and he exchanged lingering hugs with everyone there. Even Toph lingered in her hug. No one wanted to be left alone at the moment. "I came as soon as I heard." The Fire Lord whispered, glancing over to Katara who had her own eyes glued to the floor.
Silence overtook the group as they sat back down, no one knowing what to say at the moment. Not a single one of them could have ever predicted the current state of Aang after the war ended. They all had just assumed that the fighting would be over, that they would all be safe now. Finally, the Fire Lord asked the question that they all had been desperately trying to avoid. "Is Aang really dead?" Katara responded with a whimper as her eyes closed in pain, she wrapped her arms around herself as some form of self-comfort. The group wearily looked over in her direction with heavy hearts and sad eyes. The waterbender hadn't spoken since they had been forced to wait.
"We don't know," Sokka softly responded. The truth is, they all pretty much knew the answer. The airbender certainly looked dead in the Plaza. The only piece of hope that the group of friends were riding on was the weakest heartbeat that Katara and Toph had felt. Although the group would refuse to believe it until they heard it officially, the news that Aang was dead was almost inevitable.
The doors of Aang's operating room opened, and a physician stepped out. The group held their breath at the sight of them. On one hand, they desperately wanted any update, but on the other hand, they weren't sure if they were actually ready to hear Aang's condition. A solemn look came over the physician's face as he spoke matter-of-factly. "The Avatar is barely alive, miraculously." The physician turned towards Katara, "if you hadn't closed the wound, he would most certainly be dead. You should be proud of yourself." The group let out a small sigh of relief, but the physician quickly put his hand up.
"However, the Avatar has lost too much blood. We have him hooked him up for a blood transfusion to try to replenish some of his lost blood, but we are afraid that the damage has already been done. The heartbeat that tells us that he is alive is extremely weak, and we are predicting that his body is running on autopilot, using whatever remaining blood he has left to go to his heart." The group shared worried looks with each other before the doctor delivered the finishing blow. "It is a miracle that the Avatar has even lived this long in such a state. His body won't be able to sustain itself for much longer. We would be shocked if the Avatar makes it through the night."
Katara's world came crashing down. Someone else in the group let out a sob, she couldn't even focus on who it might have been. The one last piece of hope that she was holding on to wouldn't last much longer. Her worst nightmares would be coming true. Wordlessly, she stood up and walked past the physician into the operating room. If the physician made any attempt to object or stop her, she didn't hear it. Katara had one mission, and that was to see her soulmate.
The waterbender was prepared for what she was about to see, but when her eyes finally landed on Aang's form, she was still taken by surprise. The airbender was devoid of any color, the usual energy and jubilancy that his body exerted was gone. All Katara was left with was a fragile airbender, eyes closed, no energy left in his body. Yet still, Aang was still there. A smile was still etched across his face, just as it was when he went unconscious at the Plaza. Katara took his hand in hers, ignoring how cold his touch felt, and she rubbed her thumbs along the arrows of his arms and body.
At last, she finally allowed herself to cry. Teardrops fell from the waterbender's face and onto the airbender's body. Katara cried out to the world in pain, burying her head against Aang's shoulders as she grieved. She grieved for her love, the future that she had dreamed of with Aang while she rested in his arms at night. She grieved for the world, which was about to officially part ways with its fourth Nation. She grieved for Aang, who was the kindest person she had ever met, forced with responsibilities and struggles that were far too unfair to him. Yet he took it in stride, accepting his responsibilities and giving back to the world, only for it to strike him down.
Katara grieved for herself. The waterbender had prided herself on her independence and inner-strength, but she knew now that she needed Aang. The airbender had filled the gaping hole in her heart that was left by her mother's death, and now that hole was slowly opening back up. Katara couldn't imagine going back to the life she built with Aang. The thought of waterbending seemed like torture, as it would serve as a painful reminder of the activity that first bonded the two of them together. Every single thought or emotion that currently went through her mind eventually led to Aang.
Soft footsteps clattered behind her, and soon a soft hand was clasped on her shoulder. Katara looked up to see Suki gazing down at her, her own eyes bloodshot as she had been sharing her grief and pain. Wordlessly, she opened her arms slightly, allowing Katara to gently edge herself into the embrace. Katara appreciated the effort made by the Kyoshi Warrior, but the hug didn't provide the comfort that she seeked. It wasn't Aang's arms around her. It wasn't Aang softly whispering into her ear that everything would be okay.
"Katara . . . I'm so sorry," Suki whispered. The waterbender could only blankly nod in return. She didn't want people to feel sorry for her. She wanted Aang. Suki pulled a chair next to Katara, and motioned for her to sit. The Kyoshi Warrior then found her own chair, and began speaking again once she sat down. "You know . . . Aang was going crazy earlier tonight. He was starting to have a panic attack when he didn't know where you were. He loves you, Katara."
The waterbender gazed at Aang's body, grabbing his hand and slightly squeezing it. Katara realized how lucky she was to be with Aang ever since they started their relationship together. The two months they had shared had been the best two months of her life. It left the waterbender wishing that there could have been more time. Since it didn't look like they would be getting any more time in the future, she started to reflect on the past.
Katara mentally cursed herself as she thought of all the moments that something special could have started between them. Even as early as the Cave of Two Lovers, when they shared their first kiss, but she was too hurt and Aang was too shy then. She was really upset with herself for how she acted after the invasion. Those few weeks at the Western Air Temple and before Sozin's comet were the worst weeks of both her and Aang's lives. All because she was too scared to open up to him. She was afraid to lose him. Instead, she broke his heart. Now she is losing him. She could have had those extra three weeks.
Tears began to stream silently down her face as she scolded herself. Katara felt that she was deserving of the unhappiness and despair because of how she treated him. Even now, she was selfishly resenting him for her own insecurities. Suki wrapped her arms back around the waterbender, wishing that something could make this awful day better. "You know, I think he loves you so much that he's going to keep his promise. Some way . . . somehow . . .he's going to find his way back to you, Katara. I don't believe it, I know it."
The waterbender closed her eyes, imagining everything that she would say to Aang if she got the chance. How happy she would be if they got the opportunity to stay together after today. Katara raised her head to thank Suki, but she was gone. Her hand continued to stay intertwined with Aang's. If this was the last night that they were going to share together, then she was going to spend every waking moment with him. The door opened again, and Toph appeared, walking over and sitting down on the chair next to her.
They sat in silence for a while, which Katara enjoyed. She wasn't wanting to be comforted right now, she felt as if she didn't deserve it. In her mind, it was her fault that they were even in this situation. Toph sat as still as a statue, and Katara couldn't get a good read on her emotions. She honestly wasn't even sure what the earthbender was doing. Suddenly, Toph turned to her and reached out her hand. "Guide me to his heartbeat," the earthbender commanded in a soft voice.
Shakily, Katara placed her hand over Toph's and guided their joined hands over Aang's heart. They kept this position for a few minutes, sitting and listening to what's left of their friend and soulmate. Katara finally looked over to the earthbender, and saw hot tears making their way down her stoic face. The waterbender didn't have any words of comfort at the moment. Instead, she squeezed her hand, and the two continued to sit in silence as they felt his heartbeat.
"Do you feel that?" Toph asked, turning her head over to Katara, who raised her eyebrow in confusion. "His heartbeat is stronger than it was in the Plaza," the earthbender explained. Katara gave a weak smile of confirmation. Of course it was stronger than before. Back at the Plaza his heartbeat was next to nothing, a miracle. Now, it was incredibly weak, barely sustainable. Although she appreciated the statement, Katara could hardly call it progress. Toph squeezed her shoulder, and then walked out of the room.
Katara stared at the airbender's closed eyes, and wished she could steal one last glance at his beautiful stormy gray eyes. The waterbender closed her own eyes as she thought back to the memory of discovering Aang at the iceberg. How she had caught him when he had fallen, and when he had finally opened his eyes, he had such a playful energy that she was instantly drawn to. From that moment, Katara knew that something special was between them. That they would remain friends for the rest of their lives. She just didn't expect that the ending to their friendship would come so soon.
The sound of the door opening again brought Katara out of her thoughts. She looked over to see Zuko coming to join her, taking a seat across from her. The Fire Lord looked over at the airbender and his eyes instantly became heavy. He shakily reached his hand out, grasping Aang's open hand and giving it a squeeze. The two of them sat in silence, watching the airbender together, thousands of thoughts running through their mind. Zuko then spoke out, not looking at Katara, but at Aang instead.
"It's funny to think that four years ago my entire life was devoted to catching him. I was so focused on finding him that I didn't even think it through on what I would do if I actually found him. When I first met Aang in the South Pole, I thought it was a joke. That there was no way that he could be the Avatar. Then, when I was in the North Pole, I finally got my moment for the first time. I captured him, and the realization hit me. I didn't know what to do with Aang. Not once during my time hunting him did I ever want to kill him. Now that we're here at this moment, I feel so guilty that I ever went after him in the first place."
Zuko then turned to the waterbender, who still had her eyes locked on Aang. "I'm worried about you, Katara. You haven't spoken one word to any of us since you arrived here. I want to make sure that you'll be okay. Please speak to me." Katara wanted to turn and slap him in response. How dare he ask her to speak to him for his comfort right now? Couldn't he tell that she was already going through enough? The self-hatred and anger she felt against herself poured out against the Fire Lord as she responded.
"You think this is bad, Zuko? Try already having to go through this before. For three weeks! Three weeks of pure torture, not knowing if Aang is going to make it through the night if you go to bed, worrying more about his condition more than your own, wanting to feel his comfort but knowing it will never come. I wish I could say that this was my first time going through this, Zuko. But which one of us played a huge part as to why Aang died in the first place? You're the reason I had to suffer the first time. So how dare you ask me to comfort you right now?" She seethed, turning her whole body away from the Fire Lord.
The waterbender didn't have to see Zuko to know that his face fell in shame. She knew that he didn't deserve that statement, but she was in no mood to apologize. She was in pain. She was angry, and she had every right to be. She had forgiven Zuko long ago, but that doesn't mean there were still some sore spots in her heart from his betrayal. When the Fire Lord then responded by wrapping his arms around her, she acquiesced by leaning into his hug. That would be as much of an apology that he would get, though. "I'm sorry," Zuko whispered, shame filling his voice.
The hug lingered for a couple more moments, then Zuko broke the embrace. He turned one last time towards Aang, giving his hand another squeeze before turning around and leaving. Katara sighed as she felt so frustrated with her current state of emotions. Her group of friends rely on her to be the strong one, and she couldn't be that for them right now. At the moment, she doesn't feel as if she has any strength without Aang. Right now, she just wanted to be there for him. Not waste another possible second together.
Katara heard the door open again, and she let out a frustrated groan. "If you're coming here to try to show sympathy, then leave! I don't want it!" Huffing once more, she kept her eyes locked on her companion in front of her, slowly rubbing her thumbs across Aang's outer palm.
"That's fine, I don't have any to give anyways," a rough voice responded, and Katara turned around to make eye contact with her brother. Out of everyone who had come to visit her and Aang, he looked the worst. His eyes were also bloodshot, and the pain that remained in his eyes was profound. Other than her, he was the closest to Aang, and she couldn't even imagine how he must be feeling right now.
Sokka took the chair next to her and sat down with a huff. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and hands on his cheeks as he stared at Aang's body. They stayed like this, Katara having one hand intertwined with Aang's, and the other lightly resting on Sokka's thigh with the other. The Water Tribe Warrior sighed before looking over at his sister. "This sucks." He flatly stated.
Katara could only nod her head in agreement. They had become Aang's family. When they first met him, the airbender became the brother that they didn't know they needed. As they continued to travel the world together, their bond became unbreakable. The three would get into fights, they would argue about serious battle plans, or silly things such as eating meat. One thing was always constant, and that was the love they shared for one another. For that to just be ripped away from the two siblings was torture.
Sokka's eyes hardened as he made eye contact with his sister. "When you're ready, I'm coming with you to find General Gun Ji. It will be a mission for you and I only. When we find him, I want to make sure that I am there to help you kill him." Katara's eyes thinned tightly as she nodded in response. She wants nothing more than to avenge Aang. If she ever got the opportunity, General Gun Ji would suffer for what he did to Aang today. But as she looked at the airbender, a pang of guilt tore through her.
"I can't do this, Sokka." Katara weakly stated. Her brother looked at her with confusion, but placed a comforting hand on her shoulder regardless.
"Katara, we'll do that mission when you're ready. Right now we're going to stay with Aang, that's what matters at the moment." Sokka softly responded. Katara started to become frustrated as her brother didn't understand her. No one seemed to understand her right now. Aang would understand her, he's experienced the pain that she's experiencing right now.
"No Sokka, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this. I can't do this right now." She sharply responded. Once again, Sokka looked at her in a state of confusion, clearly not understanding her. But, as siblings often do, when one sibling gets frustrated, so does the other.
"What do you mean, Katara? What can't you do?" Sokka groaned in exasperation. Suddenly, everything came to a boiling point for Katara. All of her emotions came to an extreme. Her anger, grief, depression all flowed out of her.
"I CAN'T LOSE ANOTHER PERSON THAT I LOVE!" The waterbender shouted, before letting out a wailing cry and burying her head into her brother's shoulder. Sokka protectively wrapped his arms around her and held his sister tightly against him. He didn't know what it was- his sister sobbing in his arms, his own brother currently dying, or being able to relate to losing so many people he loved, but it was enough to make him sob with his sister.
The two siblings held onto each other as they both sobbed. Both of them mentally preparing themselves for their makeshift family to go from three to two.