Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter of this story. So in the last one it was mentioned about a break up between Jayden and Katie. Well this story features that, as well as Jessie and James' other son, Justin's, one with his boyfriend, Sammy. Because this chapter contains two break ups, it might be quite a heavy one with a lot to digest. But it's an important one! So I hope you enjoy :3
Ages:
Katie: 17
Jayden: 20
Justin: 23
Sammy: 30
Disclaimer: I own the story and the OCs mentioned!
I had remained close to everyone so that I could offer support and a calm perspective in quite a chaotic time but in the end, I ended up feeling as confused as everybody else. One night, I lay awake on a sofa that wasn't my own and my head spun. Really, it spun and it spun. I thought of it all. I tried to find answers to it all. But in the end, I just became all the more bewildered by it all. I laid awake long into the night and I thought to myself. I thought to myself all of things that I imagined to have happened, and I could have very well been right about it too.
There was an eerie silence. There was a truly harrowing silence. In a bleak morning somewhere in Kanto, the orange haired female sat on the decking of her ship anchored in the docks, her legs pulled to her chest and just sitting by the wheel. She wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't moving anywhere. She was just sitting.
But despite her lack of venturing, her hand instinctively reached out and stroked the knobs of the wheels. She withheld a sigh. She shut her eyes. Her eyes did open however and that haggard breath finally escaped her lips when the dual haired male approached her.
Jayden had previously been leaning up against the rails of the sturdy wooden ship, one hand holding onto the structure and the other running through his straightened locks. His own eyes had been shut. He finally forced them to open and soon after that, he commanded his legs to walk. He had to do something. He had to do anything. He had to at least try.
So he walked over to Katie, his legs secretly shaking though they appeared as rigid the ship that was anchored in the dockyard. He didn't look at her for very long at all after he hovered near her. He knew that if he lingered for too long, he'd get choked up by emotion or lose his nerve completely. He couldn't have that. He knew he had to try.
He tried to open his mouth. It felt dry and awkward so it fell shut once more. Katie's eyes twitched but remained closed, though she felt the presence of the other person. Jayden swallowed a couple of times to gain control of his dry throat and tried to muster some more bravery. And following that, he just went for it. He finally focused his eyes on the orange haired female for a couple of seconds. But then again, his eyes dropped as he got ready to speak. He cleared his throat.
"Katie…?" he began almost timidly but this wasn't enough to cause her to open her eyes. However, they did twitch a couple more times as they remained closed and one of her eyebrows quirked upwards also. She had visibly heard him. Jayden swallowed a second time and more words came tumbling out. "Can I ask you just one more thing?"
The female wearing her long nautical coat and boots as she sat on the decking of her ship finally opened her eyes. Her head tilted towards the older male also. She didn't say anything; she didn't have to. The way she let out a quiet sigh and her face changed said everything that she needed to say. A small frown decorated between her brows. She evidently had had enough of his questions. But she contradicted the words that her face suggested and nodded her head.
The dual haired male still (understandably) took a few more seconds before he proceeded to talk. The truth was he hadn't expected to be welcomed asking just one more thing. His throat went dry all over again but he ignored it. After continuing to hover next to her and running a shaky hand through his hair, he finally came out with it. That time, he was able to look at her for a bit longer. But his chest was moving as he spoke.
"Is… Is this really the right thing to be doing, Katie?" he began, his eyes still firmly on her though his gaze was shaky and vulnerable. Anyone could tell that he wanted to drop his gaze back down to the ground and perhaps even squeeze his eyes tight shut. But he didn't. He knew he had to speak up. "Are we making the right decision?"
The orange haired female let out a sharp exhalation of breath. Jayden quickly looked down at the decking below both of their feet. But he wasn't afraid, no. He was just very hurt. They both were, but in very different ways.
Katie's sharp exhalation of breath was a long one. It seemed to go on forever. After letting it out, she slowly stood up on her ship, her hand still clutching onto the knobs of the wheel for comfort. Following stroking the sturdy but reassuring wood, she thought about the older male's words for just a second. Straight away, her expression changed all over again. I didn't know if it was a good thing that she was so readable in times of struggle or not.
The orange haired female's face went from distant composure to showing off a flicker of hurt before a wave of almost bitterness couldn't help but take over. She looked over at the dual haired male. He encouraged himself to stop looking down and look back at her as she focused her eyes on him. She focused her aquamarine, strong but embodied with hurt eyes on him. She couldn't help but mutter in response.
"I'm not the one who decided we should break up, am I?" she came out with a hash whisper and right away, Jayden looked away all over. But that time, he looked to the side rather than down. And his jaw clenched, inflicted instantly at the younger female's words, his hair flopping over his forehead. She regretted her words after not even a second. Her eyes pricked with tears. She swallowed herself. Her cheeks flushed slightly pink. She tried again, but she couldn't help but tiredly shrug. "I don't know if we're making the right decision, Jayden. I don't know any more at all."
"I don't know either." The dual haired male found himself coming out with words rather quickly for him and this was very different from the way that he usually slowly, carefully and thoughtfully picked out what he truly wanted to say. But in the moment and in the heat of everything that was happening and everything that had been building up to that moment for a couple of weeks at that point, he had lots of things on the tip of his tongue. He admitted. "I thought we were on the same page at the very least."
Katie eventually stopped holding onto the wooden pins of her ship's wheel for support. And she slowly walked over to lean against the railings instead. Her movement was slow and almost numb, as if she didn't have a clue what she was doing at all. At least she had been honest about that. She leaned her whole upper body against the rails of her ship, her elbows bent as her arms rested on it for support. And after she secretly bit her lip and blinked back tears of pain and confusion, he turned her head to look back at Jayden. His eyes were waiting for hers.
"We are on the same page." She began telling him but unfortunately for them both, it was clear as day in her eyes that she didn't really believe her own words. It was clear as could be that although she was wishing for them to be true, she could feel in her heart that they just weren't. This made her crack. She didn't try to hide her eyes welling with tears and she laughed somewhat vulnerably out of habit. She continued tearfully, shaking her head. "We're on the same page about the here and now. And about sailing and travelling and adventure and experiencing. We're on the same page about doing all of those things together, right here and right now. But not… But not…"
Katie couldn't say anymore. She stopped laughing a long time ago. Though she continued to shake her head and continued trying to be brave, she couldn't fake it anymore. She looked away. She looked away from Jayden and her shoulders slumped.
His own demeanour crumpled. He shut his eyes like he had wanted to do for so long and a deeply aching frown took over his face. His chest moved. His chest heaved. But it clenched ever so slowly that you could barely tell that it was moving at all. That somehow said far more than if it was hyperventilating. He forced his tear filled meadow green orbs to open at the same time that his lips did all over again. Jayden finished the orange haired female's words for her.
"But not about the future." The magenta and lavender haired male concluded for her and at the same time, they both exhaled, defeated, and sadly fluttered their eyes closed. It surely bought so many conflicting emotions that they were on the same page when it came to how their body expressed heart-ache but they were so out of sync when it came to other things. It was a shame. It was a true shame. But in a way, it was life.
Their little love story was seemingly so perfect. They had known each other their entire lives and they had always been best friends. They had drifted apart here and there through some seasons and their affections for one other became uncertain at times but they always knew that they could count on one and other. They would always be there for each other.
Their parents had always teased that they'd end up together and they all ended up right. As teenagers, their hearts finally became one. They perused a relationship; a beautiful, mutual love filled and supportive relationship. They loved, they learned, they shared and they experienced. That became even more powerful between those two when they headed off to travel the world over a year ago on Jordan's ship named The Valentine.
They had great laughs. They had great adventures. They shared great experiences. It was all wonderful. It was all so wonderful and spontaneous and carefree. But in recent weeks, I'm told, Jayden started to drop hints about what they would do after their travels came to an end. They were still very young of course but he simply couldn't stop himself wanting to make plans for the future.
In his heart, he had found the one. He wanted to know what was next for him. But unfortunately, Katie didn't want to know what was next. She was young. She was enjoying a certain level of uncertainty yet certainty in one. She certainly didn't want to settle down. But she didn't want to let Jayden down either. Or go.
Extremely slowly, Katie's eyes began to edge open all over again and she felt the need to take some air into her lungs after listening to the ocean swishing against the ship below. She wanted to feel better after that inhalation but she just didn't. However, she didn't try and fight it. She was slowly used to becoming more and more distracted and uncertain and on edge too.
Her eyes were no longer as tear filled as her aquamarine eyes opened all over again. They had dried up as she tried to process it all. She tried to think. She tried to understand, much like I was trying to do. She thought about what the dual haired older male had said. She found herself shaking her head. And she found herself looking at him too. She murmured.
"I don't know if we're making the right decision or not, Jayden." She began and very heavily, the green orbed male appeared next to her side and leaned against the wooden rails with her. He looked down at the chaotic yet calm sea below but he listened. Katie didn't know where she was going with her words but she came out with them anyway. She tried to withhold her sigh. "I don't know at all. I just know that I'm confused. I just know that I need time to think. We both do. I don't want us to be walking away from each other. But I don't see any other way. We tried being just friends again…"
"And we somehow ended up fighting even more…" Jayden added and he looked over at her, letting out some chuckles in the same fashion that she had done so before. And as he did this, he shook his head as well, and at the same time that his eyes pricked with tears. He sniffed. He just couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe the turn in which their relationship had taken. He didn't want to walk away from her either. "But maybe we need to keep trying. Maybe we need to keep trying harder."
"Jayden…" the orange haired female breathed out and she couldn't stop herself from softening when she saw the corners of his eyes glistening and the edges of his nostrils as well. She had tried so hard to put a guard up – to put a wall up – and to protect herself after he suggested the break up following weeks of sudden uncertainty. But that guard came down when he showed off his deep and earnest emotions.
His sensitivity and trustworthiness was one of the many reasons that she had fallen for him. She found herself reaching out and pushing a strand of hair from his eyes. He tried not to crumple under her touch.
"We tried. We gave it our best shot. Maybe the break up isn't the right decision, who can tell? But… But spending time apart is, I think. We need to figure out what we want. We need to figure out if we want our futures to be the same. Y… You suggested it and you were right to. We can't keep being unhappy. So we should probably walk away. For now. And if it's meant to be… Well, then we will find each other all over, won't we?"
The magenta and lavender haired male had done a very good job withholding most of his emotions up until that point but after hearing the last few words of Katie's, he couldn't stop his face from crumpling. He tried his hardest not to sob so he managed to choke it back. Instead, his face just cracked and flushed very red with defeat. His shoulders slumped. The corners of his eyes filled with even more tears. Both of them did. The tears escaped and slid down the sides of his face.
Katie didn't want to – Katie didn't want to be reacting that way – but she had to look away. A lump quickly filled her throat. She didn't want to be making him feel that way at all. Even though she had felt that exact same way after a good week of pondering their future together and deciding to slow things down and be more platonic before hitting the same bump and arguing all over, causing the suggested break up, she didn't want to inflict that same pain on Jayden. She couldn't bare it. But they both couldn't bare that that was seemingly the end of their love story.
It was a shame after how they began. They started off as friends before falling in love and becoming more than that so it was an aching shame that they fought even more when they decided to bring their relationship back to basics. Or maybe they hadn't. Maybe they had been fighting inside their brains and with their own thoughts and fears without saying anything at all. Maybe they hadn't said enough. Maybe they hadn't said anything. Maybe that was the problem.
"Jayden…" the orange haired female tried to be composed and begin all over again but when she forced herself to look through her tear stained eyes and she saw her former boyfriend fiddling with his own hands in his own desperate attempt to calm himself down, her own sob choked her throat. She wanted to say something. She wanted to say a lot of things. But she just couldn't. She looked away again.
And at the same time, Jayden forced himself to look at her. He sniffed back a lot of tears and spoke thickly, shakily pushing his hair from his eyes. Though he feared it was over and feared the outcome of their future together, he couldn't stop himself from adding. And he didn't stop himself from reaching for her hand either.
"Y… You'll always be able to find me, no matter what, Katie…" Jayden breathed out and he looked down at the wooden decking that was slowly beginning to grow more and more splashed from the wet sea spray of the ocean below. But after a few seconds, he was able to look over at his former girlfriend all over again. He looked at her face and silently prayed that they'd work out somehow. "But you could be right about me being right. I hope I am. I hope it works out for us. Even if it means staying away from each other for a while. I don't want to let you go. But I want you to be happy."
Katie breathed out. It was hard feeling the touch of Jayden's skin against hers as he held her hand and knowing that they weren't as okay as they had always been. But it was even harder knowing that if she held it tighter, she would end up hurting him. And not just physically.
The orange haired female swallowed as she listened to his words and she squeezed his hand just once before letting go. Jayden's shoulders slumped all the more. Katie's expression was as readable as ever but he couldn't seem to fathom it. His fingers twitched with emptiness as soon as she was no longer in his hold. Hers switched with truthfulness. She looked back over at him as she leaned back against the rails, her hair starting to blow in the wind.
"You have made me happy and you do make me happy…" Katie began but all over again, Jayden looked to the side and clenched his jaw. His own hair started to move as the breeze moved through it. He didn't bother to shake it away when the lavender part of his locks flopped over his forehead. The orange haired female remained looking at him even though it hurt her that he couldn't match her gaze. She sighed softly. "I can't help but love the uncertainty and spontaneity and adventure. But for you, you love the certainty and cosiness and planning. I don't see how all of that can coincide…"
And as the orange haired female finally trailed off her words of utter truthfulness yet wistfulness too, Jayden finally found it within himself to look back over at her for the last time. He nodded his head slowly, the wind floating out of his locks causing him to take the time to push them from his gaze. His eyes were puffy and red and raw as well but he knew when it was time to stop knocking at the unanswered door.
He knew his former girlfriend was telling the truth. He knew that she was telling nothing but the whole truth. He didn't want to walk away from her, he didn't at all. But he knew well enough that perhaps it was space that they needed to somehow find their way back to one and other.
So because of this, he finally nodded his head at her words. He mumbled sadly but he knew when not to fight it any longer. His trembling and empty hands made their way into their pockets. That time, it was Katie who found it hard to look at Jayden.
"I guess that means that we can't coincide either…" Jayden whispered and the orange haired female's eyes pricked with tears but he managed to keep them in that time. His fingers flexed in his pockets for stability. He shook his head heavily and then nodded it again just once or twice. He got ready to turn on his heel. His toes twitched to do so. "So it's time to act on that decision."
And with that, on those secretly shaky but seemingly sturdy legs of his, Jayden wandered back over to the other end of the ship and finish collecting his vital belongings together. But this wasn't until after he had out of habit pressed a soft, gentle kiss to the side of Katie's head. And because he did this and while he was picking his backpack up and slinking it over his shoulder, her eyes pooled with tears all over again. She looked up at the sky and tried to make them evaporate but they just wouldn't go. She had never felt so uncertain in her life.
It was true she loved the uncertainty but only with people that she was certain of. It broke her heart the way that Jayden planted a kiss to her before leaving her. Though it was a mutual idea and though the break-up had been initiated over a week ago at that point, that moment was the official ending. And it hurt more than anything in the world. The fact that she was no longer in a partnership with her boyfriend was a lot of the pain, but another chunk of it was the way it ended between those two.
She had always adored happy endings. She didn't mind unhappy ones if they had some level of closure. But she wasn't feeling any of that in that relationship. She didn't know that she might find those answers elsewhere.
After the dual haired male picked up all of his bags and boxes and held them in his arms, he didn't really know what to do. Of course, it was obvious; they had planned it earlier in the morning. He was to stay in the city that they had anchored The Valentine in and she was to head off to sail so they both could clear their heads in the midst of their break up.
But he noted the way that Katie silently crumpled when he kissed her innocently, though he didn't make a point of it. He certainly didn't want to hurt her in that way again. So instead, he just smiled at her bravely as he got ready to exit off the boat. He had no idea that this hurt her even more.
But the truth was anything would have caused a sharp clenching in her heart. No matter what he could have chosen to do, they were saying goodbye to each other for the time being so of course it was going to hurt like mad.
However, the orange haired female managed to ignore the confusion and the pain in her body and courageously smile back. She nodded her head too, moving away from the railing so she could assist him off. He shook his head at her just once, though his smile didn't falter and she understood straight away. That would've made it harder for him.
Realising this made it harder for her but once again, she pushed past this. She took some steps back and went back to lean against the rails. Jayden looked at her once last time – he looked at his former girlfriend one last time – before his feet walked him off the ship. His demeanour didn't change as he walked away but his eyes did.
I had never imagined such a strong yet crumbling and hopeful and yet detached gaze before in all of my life. But I saw that in the middle Morgan son as he left his former girlfriend for good. She watched him go. He didn't look back. He didn't look back until she had let out some heavy sighs to get rid of the last of her emotions before she claimed the anchor back all over again. And she began to sail away.
Katie began to sail away from the city that they arrived in just a few days ago. Katie began to sail away from the docks that had become their home while they tried to figure everything else. Katie began to sail away from her boyfriend. She looked straight ahead; she didn't look back as she sailed into the distance. It was probably for the best. It could've been for the worst. It just was what it was. They had made a decision. Jayden had been the first to make that decision. And from then on out, it would be just her decisions and her decisions alone.
And as I thought about Katie sailing along and sailing away and sailing ahead, my own mind wandered ahead. And I thought of another circumstance. Yet a very, very similar one.
It was obvious that they had had a disagreement too. The tanned male was still sitting in the cramped kitchen and dining room of his small house, on the edge of his seat after his boyfriend had left the room and the argument quite some time ago. He looked at the clock. It was ticking. It was still ticking. It was moving on. He knew he had to as well.
With a rather large sigh, he decided to not put it off any longer. His chair make a creaking noise as he finally got up off it and he pushed his floppy dark brown locks from his eyes, making his way to the bottom of the stairs before forcing himself to make his way up them. He didn't know what he was going to find. Or perhaps he did. It was usually the same way when he and the other male fought.
The other male was sat on his boyfriend's bed after having fled their disagreement; a firm frown on his forehead as he leaned against the wall, his long legs tucked beneath him. He wasn't doing anything. He wasn't doing anything at all. Oddly, he wasn't even playing any music. He was just playing with his hair. Justin was just playing with his hair. He had a lot playing on his mind. He knew that that was all going to come to light when he heard his boyfriend's footsteps.
Sammy opened the door to his own bedroom without knocking, unable to stop himself from shaking his head and furrowing his own brow when he saw Justin's lingering crease behind the eyes and messy locks from the way that he had tangled his own hand in them out of frustration.
"Please don't be doing this again. Why do you always have to do this?" he asked and without hesitation, Justin looked over at him. His expression didn't change. It didn't soften. It didn't harden either. It just remained the same. He remained frowning. Sammy ran a hand through his own locks wearily. "I hate when you do this."
"I'm sorry, but what did you expect?" the deep purple haired male answered his boyfriend right away, contradicting the fact that the older of the two was referring to the way that he often shut down, not saying anything at all. After all, he had left the room when questions started getting asked. Sammy couldn't stop his eyes from widening ever so slightly at the fact that he was finally speaking and this caused Justin to look away. He stretched out his legs from being under him. He clenched his jaw. "I get back from tour pretty much five minutes ago and what? You start asking me when I think I'm ready for marriage and kids."
There was a silence. It was a brief, second long silence but it was a silence nonetheless. And it very much made a point after Justin made a point. The tanned male let out a quiet groan coming to terms that he had been the one to cause the deep purple haired male to go silent on him but he couldn't remove his own frown from his face. He came to sit down next to Justin, rubbing his forehead.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Justin, I really am." The older male informed him and Justin just nodded, not looking at him. He was still being very on edge. He was still being very guarded. It was very common for him to be that way when it came to the seriousness in relationships. Sammy breathed out and thought about his words before he said them to the deep purple haired male. He picked his sentences cautiously. "I know it seems like it's come out of nowhere but for me it hasn't. You've been away a very long time. And I've been thinking." The Alolan male paused. Inwardly, Justin's breath was secretly starting to quicken as his boyfriend continued. He almost whispered as he attempted not to overwhelm him. "I turned thirty while you were away. Thirty. I'm ready for more. I'm ready for more serious things. I'm ready for marriage and I want to talk about kids. I don't want you going off on another tour."
To myself, I pondered over which part of Sammy's words caused Justin's head to snap up. Whether it was the marriage or children or the no more touring part. I couldn't be sure. For a very long time, the tanned male was in the same boat. He swallowed. He looked down at his lap. He knew more than anyone how Justin – deeply contrasting to his musical drive – began to sweat under relationship heat. He didn't want to overwhelm him but he had to be true to himself. Fortunately or unfortunately, Justin had to be the exact same way too. It became obvious what his head snap and tilt became over.
"You don't want me going off on another tour…? My apologies but you don't get to decide that for me." Justin responded to him in a calm but offended tone and right away, Sammy groaned all over and momentarily shut his eyes. His words had come out completely wrong. Though they were partially true and it had hurt and bewildered him when his boyfriend mentioned in passing how he was hoping for another one soon, he knew he couldn't stop him. He opened his eyes and had to listen when Justin lowly persisted. "I can't believe you would say that. You've always told me to give music my all. You've always encouraged me so amazingly. You knew since day one that that was the deal."
It was the deal alright. Those two males had met and fallen in love just one month before a record label got in contact with Justin and had offered him a record deal. The deep purple haired male had been upfront with the Alolan male over how much he cared for him already and how much he wanted him in his life but understood if he wanted to walk away seeing as he was going to have such a busy life.
But Sammy was not only accepting over it but he was sort of glad with it too. He had come out of an intense long-term relationship before meeting the eldest Morgan male and was happy to do the long distance situation, providing Justin always made him feel loved and wanted. He always had. But evidently, things were starting to change. Sammy just had to pipe up.
"But this was almost five years ago now, Justin. I was happy for a bit of fun a few years ago. It's always fun with you. Things changed when your little brother came along. You…" the Alolan male began but he could tell right away from the longer haired males face that he wasn't ready to hear that little bit of truth. His eyes flickered. They became even more guarded. Sammy had to swallow his words. He didn't like that at all. He didn't like being untruthful. He rubbed his forehead and started to sigh in frustration. But he understood. The deep purple haired male had been that way for a very long time. "Alright, you know what? Fine. I of course will wait because I can see that you're not ready for any of those things. But can we at least have the conversation? Can we at least discuss it and perhaps when we will be heading down that road?"
"Fine." Justin uttered and it took less than a second for his expression to falter with regret and his frown to become more prominent and because of himself. At the same time that Sammy's eyebrows rose and eyes widened with hurt, Justin swallowed. Justin swallowed and shook his head. He sighed – at himself – and then edged closer to his long term boyfriend. He frowned as an apology before nodding his head. He briefly tapped the older male on the hand. "I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, I'm willing to have the conversation."
And upon hearing this, Sammy momentarily reached to squeeze Justin's hand back before he nodded his head. He breathed out. At least they were getting somewhere. Granted, it wasn't the direction he really truly wanted but he knew that he had to be patient, even if that wasn't his strong suit. He knew he had to meet halfway. But regrettably, he was starting to secretly feel that he was always meeting beyond halfway.
The Alolan male did his best to hide all this as he looked over at the deep haired male while he remained silent. Justin looked over at his boyfriend at his silence too. When Sammy's gaze turned from patient to encouraging, the slightly longer haired male looked down at his lap. He understood that it was his turn to talk and to say how he felt and when he felt that he would be ready but truthfully, he didn't have a clue at all.
Truthfully, it was always in the back of his mind when he was on tour. It was true that it was always lingering and he knew that he'd have to face it eventually, but he didn't have any answers at all for when that finally happened.
It filled Sammy with disappointment and quite a bit of hurt when Justin had no words to say at all but after taking a quiet breath and remembering some words in his mind for encouragement, he decided to take the plunge and be the one to lead the two of them.
"Okay, I guess I'll talk then…" Sammy began by looking at the younger male for permission and after he looked back at him, nodding his head wordlessly and pushing his growing locks from his eyes, the older male's frown came back as he chose his words carefully all over again. He absentmindedly played with one of the rings on his fingers as he spoke. "It hurt my feelings when you started plotting another tour all over again even though I shouldn't be surprised. I think I could get my head around another one if I knew what you and I were moving forward. So do you think you can tell me how you feel about the future and getting married?"
Justin remained eerily silent. Inwardly, he frowned at himself and scolded himself because he knew that if that kept up for more than a couple of seconds then Sammy would catch on without him having to say anything at all. He cleared his throat for him to do something – anything – and to gain some more time to think about how he was going to break it to his boyfriend. Predictably however, Sammy began to dreadfully understand Justin's quietness.
His eyes widened a little more as they focused on his younger boyfriend's face. His head tilted to the side. His mouth hung open. He didn't want to say the words. He didn't want to ask the words. At all. But for some reason and somehow, they tumbled out.
"You… You don't want to get married…?" Sammy questioned him and his eyes focused on him even though he was dreading seeing something in his boyfriend's eyes and understanding through what he was not saying rather than what he was saying. But luckily or unluckily for him, nobody could know, Justin finally thought of some words to say. He fiddled with his own watch as he articulated himself. His eyes wandered to the ceiling.
"How do I feel about marriage…?" the deep purple haired male repeated as he went back to his boyfriend's previous words and Sammy tried to convince himself that this wasn't a bad thing. He swallowed but he listened. Justin's eyes remained thoughtfully on the ceiling. "Marriage is… Admirable. I've witnessed many great ones. I've witnessed many happy ones. But… But I don't think… I want one."
Sammy's mouth went dry. He quickly looked away. Fortunately for Justin, he was still looking at the ceiling as he thought in his mind what he truly wanted so he didn't see the way that his older boyfriend looked very surprised and wounded. The Alolan male had to think to himself also. He had always known that Justin believed all types of relationships were worthy and wonderful, regardless of standing up in holy matrimony, but he had never come face to face to the fact that he didn't want one at all, not even with him.
Sammy tried to swallow but his throat felt like sandpaper. Even so, he forced himself to come out with more words, hoping to find out that even though he might not end up with one thing, he might have the other. However, either one without the other was strongly against his beliefs.
"K… Kids then? Children, what about children? How do you feel about having them?" the Alolan native male questioned and resisted the urge to rub his forehead even though it was beginning to dully hurt between his eyebrows. Justin finally looked away from the swirls on the ceiling and over at his boyfriend. He couldn't stop himself from raising his own eyebrows at the memory of one of his siblings as a very little child but then he knew he had to give Sammy a serious answer. He shrugged but he knew how he felt.
"I'm not ready for children right now." He admitted and to tell you the truth, it gave him no great guilt to confess this. Because he was so not ready, it was easy for him to say that he absolutely didn't want them at that moment in time. Sammy had to respect this. Of course, he would go on to respect whatever Justin had to say. But that wouldn't stop him from being hurt by some of the realisations.
The shorter haired male nodded his head and it worked out well that, most of the time, he along with Justin focused on the positive rather than negative in a situation. Sammy breathed out. The deep purple haired male was hoping for it to be the end of the conversation and he looked away and started quietly humming to prove this. Sammy added anyway. He just had to.
"Alright so marriage…? Marriage is never…?" the older male asked and he oddly found himself smirking a little bit to protect himself from the huge disappointment that he was praying that he wouldn't have to hear about. Justin abruptly stopped himself from humming. He frowned. He listened. And then he answered, very quickly compared to his usual guarded self when it came to serious discussions.
"Never say never…" he couldn't help but add with a shrug as he absentmindedly moved away from his boyfriend, leaning up against the wall over again as he sat on his bed. Sammy groaned just a little bit and finally rubbed his forehead upon hearing this answer. He was so confused. He didn't know where he stood. It was never like that when it came to the younger male, even when he wasn't being his most open and honest self.
"Alright so how many years? Can you give me a number of years in the future when you think you'll be wanting to get married…?" Sammy questioned and from thinking to myself, I couldn't help but feel as though he was shooting himself in the foot. Justin felt another kind of shooting and that was pains in his chest when he knew he had to give another answer. And he knew that he couldn't be eerily silent at all; that would've given everything away. He almost rambled.
"Never say never…" he insisted and managed to look at Sammy in the eyes for the repetition of those words but following that, a frown took over his face and he looked down at his lap. He almost vulnerably ran a hand through his hair. His tones got a lot lower. Sammy's breath hitched in his throat and he already got the inclination of what all of that meant. "Marriage is admirable. But I don't believe it's the be all or end all. I don't think I can give you a number… I… I don't think marriage is for me…"
Sammy's expression crumpled but it did so in a way that was a lot different than one might've expected. It was frustrated. It was just full of frustration. Sure, he was shocked and surprised and bewildered. But it was filled with frustrated annoyance. He exhaled out of his nostrils and covered his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes and trying to keep his shoulders upright.
The deep purple haired male kept his eyes on his boyfriend for his reaction and saw that the way his chest moved. Instantly, he bit his lip. He didn't want to anger him more. He didn't want to answer him at all. He took a chance by reaching out and holding his wrists. He tried to give him his most unguarded, open and available glance. But he breathed out.
"How… How about I tell you what I do want?" he began and somehow both slowly and quickly, the older male's hands dropped away from his face. They went limp in Justin's hold but his gaze was looking at him. He was listening. He was trying to listen. He was trying to stop his brain from swirling around and focusing on everything that he wasn't going to get in his life. He was trying to focus on what he was going to get. But it was becoming increasingly harder. Justin took another chance. He swallowed and lightly pushed his boyfriend's hair from his eyes. "While it's true that I don't really plan and if you don't want me to go away again then I won't. Maybe I'll stay here and write loads and we can write together and be together. Or I can go away and you can come with me. You can come with me the entire year and we'll always be together. Falling in love again, all over the world?"
Sammy tried to smile, he really did. But the more that Justin persisted and started to get into the swing of actually planning for the future a little bit; it started to dawn on him how wrong all of that could be. He didn't want to, he really didn't, but he had to gently push Justin's hands away from him. And he had to ignore his confused, wounded eyes when he stood up off the bed and looked down at him. He shook his head.
"How can I come with you around the world and travel with you when we've never been with each other consistently for more than four months ever? How could we possibly make that work? How?" Sammy found himself asking and without missing a beat, Justin's mind started to grow flooded as every single thought washed over him. He looked up at his boyfriend, feeling confusion crashing down on him. And then it was bewilderment. And then it was frustration.
How could he want to know when marriage and kids were on the table but couldn't be in each other's pockets because they hadn't spent enough time together? Justin shakily but sturdily stood up with his boyfriend and it was the exact same way that Jayden had done. He looked right at him, his teal and green hued eyes flickering with uncertainty.
"Then… Then what the hell are we doing, Sammy? What actually is this?" the deep purple haired male and all of a sudden, he was having to deal with things that had been the elephant in the room for so long. It was causing his throat to close up but he was doing very well in hiding that. He reached his hands out to Sammy all over again but was left hurt and taking a defeated step back when he pushed him away all over again. He looked down at the ground while Sammy fixed his eyes on him.
"I don't know, Justin… I don't know at all. I thought this was heading down the path to the future that I've always dreamed of but now I realise that that was damn stupid of me. You're never going to want the same things as me. We keep running into the same problems. Maybe it doesn't feel like it because we never talk about it but think about it. From the beginning, you've always ran when it came to the next step."
"That's not true…" the deep purple haired male felt his forehead being overtaken by a painful frown as he looked down at the ground. He found himself shaking his head. He disagreed with Sammy's words. He felt his eyes pricking with tears when he sensed his boyfriend nodding his head and he was forced to blink them back and look up at him. His chin jutted out as he spoke to try and fake composure. "That's not true at all. You say that I run? Well what are you doing right now? Because where you're going with this doesn't sound like you're running towards telling me to stay, does it?"
Justin's words hit a nerve. Justin's words really hit a nerve. Sammy couldn't deny them. Sammy couldn't deny them at all. As he didn't stop his eyes from welling with tears, he took his own step backwards. He shook his head and then he nodded his head. And then he shook it again. The deep purple haired male still didn't allow the tears to come so he spoke a second time instead. He spoke through a clenched jaw.
"Stop acting like there is not a difference between not wanting to get married and not wanting to continue a relationship. Stop acting like there's no way that we can be together. Stop acting like your way is the only way. Stop acting like I have to plan every little thing. Stop-"
"No, you stop, Justin…" Sammy finally spoke as he blinked past the tears in his eyes and he finally took hold of Justin's wrists back. And this is what caused Justin to finally succumb to his emotions. His eyes welled with tears. And then his face crumpled. He very nearly broke down in front of his boyfriend. Sammy held his arms tight so he wouldn't do so. But he kept his distance also. He shook his head and looked to the side. "We both deserve to have a future that we wholeheartedly want and wholeheartedly believe in… We both need to want the same things; we're too old to keep venturing towards nowhere… You deserve to keep living your life in the way that you want it…"
And because Justin was far too emotional and shaken up and broken hearted to tell Sammy that he wanted to live his life and the rest of his life with him – and because he didn't say anything at all – the Alolan male believed that this was everything that needed to be said.
And also because Justin was beginning to feel his heart collapsing in his chest and his brain to swirl with confusion and his legs to tremble with fight or flight, he knew that he had to get out of there. He didn't want to. He didn't want to at all. He wanted to tell Sammy so many things but truthfully, he still wasn't always one hundred percent true to himself and couldn't quite give all of himself up to be quite so vulnerable. He didn't like the way that vulnerability felt. He liked it in the context of song but in life, he found it quite unbearable.
So because of this, after sniffing back all of his emotion and fiercely wiping the wetness from his eyes, Justin turned on his heel to leave his former boyfriend's house for good. Before he left and with his back to him while Sammy's face continued to flood with tears, the deep purple haired male reached his hand behind him and squeezed the older male's hand.
That gesture said everything that he wanted to say without saying anything at all. He was torn up that it was coming to an end between them. He was torn up that their conversation had ended up that way between him. He wanted to thank him for so many things but he just couldn't. He wanted to thank him for being the person who truly taught him how to love but he couldn't muster that at all. He couldn't give that part of himself up. He couldn't give that part of himself up for someone who he believed in that moment, didn't really love him for who he truly was.
And because of that reason and so many things, after Justin's clammy hand finally slid away from Sammy's and he left the older male torn up in emotion also, he left his apartment and didn't look back, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He slammed the door. He walked ahead, planning to at least be the one to continue moving ahead.
And after me thinking about all of these things and both of those situations between Jayden and Katie and Justin and Sammy also, one thing finally became clear to me. It was no wonder that Justin and Katie's circumstances had led to each other. They were both so similar. They were both so heartfelt. They were both so vulnerable. It was no wonder that they found it easy to be vulnerable to each other.
Their paths had well and truly crossed. Their paths had been well and truly connected. Their paths had been well and truly entwined. And what followed after that was lessons - lessons for all. And the ability to welcome their futures with their partners with open arms. As well as their companionship with each other.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 Both Jayden and Katie and Justin and Sammy's break ups certainly have a closeness to them. While Jayden and Katie have never really discussed the future much at all - this scenario and break up is a first for them - it's always been the elephant in the room for Justin and Sammy. Of course the latter have had this discussion before but nothing much has ever come of it. Justin is always planning a tour and Sammy is dealing with problems of his own - as well as being caught up in the scenarios around them. I think Jayden initiates the break up with Katie because he has been in love with her for years and waited and was a friend to her instead of overwhelming her with the idea of a boyfriend when she was struggling with her stammer. So in a way, he's very impatient and doesn't want to wait anymore. He wants to know what is in store for them after travelling and hopes it's moving in together.
Similarly yet differently, Sammy's faith and beliefs make it hard for him to accept that marriage and kids - especially marriage - might not be on the table for him and the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Katie finds it hard to tell Jayden how she feels because he's quite emotional and that makes her guilty. Contrasting this, Justin knows what he wants - to spend the rest of his life with Sammy without marriage - but because of his relationship with his teenage girlfriend, he doesn't always have confidence in the validity of his feelings. As you know, the four of them make it work in the end. But over the next few weeks, stories of Justin and Katie and why and how they find a new found closeness with each other will be uploaded :3 Thanks again and I will be back next Wednesday so see you then!
AmyBieberKetchum signing out :P