Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new story. I've been working on a lot and editing a lot surrounding the character of Justin (Jessie and James' son) and Jorgie (Lynne and James' daughter) a lot lately so I remembered this chapter. It takes place in the era after Justin's intimacy with Katie and focuses more on his feelings as he nagivates how he feels about it all. Jorgie is a bit older than normal in this chapter and I like her observations. She doesn't miss a beat whether Justin likes it or not :P I hope you enjoy!
Ages:
Justin: 23
Jorgie: 5
Katie (Mentioned): 17
Disclaimer: I own the story and the OCs mentioned :P
I was told this story with such detail and such rare fondness between the two that I could imagine it clearly. In my head, I could imagine it so very clearly. So when I drifted off to sleep after being in both of their company, I dreamt about it. And I dreamt about it so vividly that I hoped that it was all real. And I hoped it all happened in this exact way.
Justin couldn't sleep. He had tried to turn his light off many hours ago and curl up in his bed and forget the day but he just couldn't. His mind was busy. His mind was unsettled. His mind just wouldn't shut off. No matter how hard he tried to fall asleep or how hard he willed himself to drift off to a dreamland of his own, he just couldn't. So eventually, he sighed and let his mind and his eyes to have their own way. After rubbing his eyelids, he opened them. And he just stared at the ceiling instead.
His arms went behind his head as he did so. He rubbed his eyes just one more time and then they settled behind him for good, embracing his nearing bob-like locks. He looked at the ceiling and tried to focus on the pattern, thinking. He soon reached his hand to the nightstand on his right side and turned on the lamp. That was so he could focus on the ceiling swirls properly. That was so he could think freely.
I couldn't be certain what he was thinking about, but judging by the time frame in which he was laying there that night, I could pretty well imagine. He was thinking of everything that had happened. He was wondering about things that might happen. He was contemplating things that didn't happen but perhaps should have. And last but not least, he was analysing things that did happen but probably shouldn't have.
He suddenly sat up in bed. He really, really could not sleep. There was no use even trying. And he knew that thinking so hard wasn't getting him anywhere. It was just giving him a headache! He sat up in his bed before perching himself on the end of it, pushing his locks from his eyes and looking around the room tiredly though his body wouldn't surrender to sleep.
First of all, his eyes instinctively wandered to one of his favourite guitars propped up on its stand by the wall. He looked at the clock. I gathered the information that it read two thirty seven in the morning. Justin reluctantly shook his head and looked away from the guitar, folding his arms over his chest when the chill of the mid November night started to get to him. No, it was far too late for him to strum; even quietly. His family had long since gone to bed. And he didn't want to worry them.
He let out a sigh and carefully moved so he was sitting on his floor instead. He untucked his arms from folding over each other and he yawned slightly, though I imagined that he didn't really need to. It was a bit of a habit to stop his brain from overthinking what he was about to do. His hand reached out to under his bed and pulled out something. Justin pulled out something. It was a book. It was a very large book – a scrapbook. He almost held his breath as he placed it on his lap.
I didn't get told what that was from Justin and his sibling's story but from my dream, I could recognise the cover right away. And when he opened the first page I knew exactly what it was. I really knew exactly what it was. But like the deep purple haired male, I didn't focus too heavily on my thoughts. My reasons were for reasons of privacy. I just let him get on with looking at the pages and looking at the memories of the gift he had been hand made many years ago. But even though I didn't look at his personal possession, I looked at his face as he reacted it.
On top of the fact that I was dreaming, it was hard to see all of his expressions from that one dull light glow in the middle of the night. But I got the impression that he was frowning. And I got the impression that he was holding his breath yet again. He hardly dared breathe. He hardly dared move. He hardly dared feel. And he potentially did start to feel something. Because he suddenly shut the scrapbook of memories shut with a little slapping sound. And he finally sighed. He finally sighed loudly.
Justin rubbed his forehead and then his eyes and at last decided it was enough of that. It was enough of being awake and overthinking things and reminiscing things that had long been and gone. It was time for the future. Or more importantly, it was time for the present. And in the present, the eldest Morgan needed sleep!
Despite shutting the book with such certainty, he kept it on his lap for a few more minutes, stroking the well-loved cover. But then he decided to let it go. He took it off his legs and carefully slid it back under his bed. He hovered near the floor for a little bit but then he used his arms to push himself off the ground and up onto the edge of his bed again instead.
He was doing an awful lot of pausing and he paused at the edge of his bed as well. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing the front strings from his eyes and tucking loose strands behind his ears but still leaving some hanging. He yawned once more and that time, I wondered if that one was real. He rubbed his eyelids. He knew when to try again. He knew when to try again with sleep.
So Justin let out an exhalation of breath that caused his chest to move up and down in his burgundy coloured granddad style bed t shirt before he got ready to reach for the lamp button and turn it off all over again. But before he did so, he absentmindedly glanced into his doorway. And as soon as he did, he promptly let out a haggard gasp. Someone was standing there!
The deep purple haired male automatically sprang into action and rolled to the other side of his bed, turning the lamp that resided on his left nightstand on so as to light the room up all the more. As soon as he did this and almost hesitantly peered again to see who it was, he soon discovered. He especially did so when they entered the room properly, their slippers scuffing on his floor.
"Jorgie, what are you doing in here?" he asked and tried to hide the shakiness in his voice from getting a fright. He was also squinting from his eyes getting used to his room then having two lights on in it. He shuffled to the end of the bed. He automatically asked. "Are you sleep-walking?"
Justin's five year old sister shook her head and used the same hand that was in her mouth as she sucked her thumb to rub her eye also. But because these things had happened before and the older sibling needed to be certain, he stood up off the end of the bed and walked over to her, peering down at her.
"Are you sure?" he asked her and he gently grabbed hold of her face and tilted it towards the light to see from her expression if she was aware of what she was doing. Judging by the way she fussed and stopped sucking her thumb but held onto the bunny toy that she was carrying tighter, she knew exactly what she was doing.
"Not doing that." She told her eldest brother adamantly but in a tired voice. She took a step back. Justin did too. She took that step back into his room when she realised she moved back into the hallway while he seated himself back down on the end of the bed. She somewhat hid her face with her rabbit toy. "I couldn't sleep. Your light was on."
"Well I was turning it off when you frightened me to death, Jorgie." The deep purple haired male told his little sister matter of factly and folded his arms back over his chest again, feeling the cold even more when the door joining his room to the hall was left open. She just looked back at him. Justin sighed and made an effort to soften his voice. But he couldn't help but state points that were valid to him. "Why did you come here if you can't sleep?"
Jorgie let out her own sigh, obviously copying her big brother. She stopped peeking from behind her bunny toy and after sticking her thumb back in her mouth to suck it and looking around the room, she finally answered Justin. She shut the door with her foot and I guessed that he didn't know whether to be grateful or disappointed.
"Your room is closer than Mama's and Daddy's. I came to see you." She responded and then put her thumb back in her mouth, her forefinger resting over her nose. Justin had very little patience with her at the best of times but he most definitely did in the early hours of the morning. He rubbed his forehead and pointed out.
"No, no it is not. You had to trek a little bit to come here. Pretty unhelpful seeing as you came here to complain about my light but I had to put another one on to see who was lurking in my doorway."
The five year old girl most likely didn't understand all of Justin's words but she understood the attitude behind them and could clearly hear the impatience in his voice. And to tell you the truth, he had been like that with her even more lately. And she was getting pretty sick of it! She showed this by scowling. He just grimaced when she spoke from behind sucking her thumb.
"You're being mean and grumpy." She told him and he just raised an eyebrow back at her, rolling back onto the left side of his bed to turn the second of his lights off. Jorgie made a point of walking further into his room and standing in the glow of the first light so he could still see her. She made a point of continuing also. She scrunched her nose up. "Mean and grumpy. You're always like that lately."
"No I'm not." Justin responded to her with a frown and denied her accusation. But after feeling the way that his face was looking at his little sister and hearing how his tone came out, he shook his head and relented a little bit. He tried to be a bit nicer. He shook his head a second time. "Well… I might be right now. But that's because I'm tired. I haven't been to sleep yet."
Jorgie just stood there, peering over at him from sucking her thumb and holding her bunny toy by her ear. That was no excuse in her eyes. But she didn't say anything. So Justin was forced to speak once more. He briefly glanced at the clock and then came to sit on the right side of his double bed. He breathed out.
"If I'm tired then you must be as well. Come on. You should really be in bed." He told her and he got ready to push his hair from his eyes but before he could even do that, let alone stand up and hold his hand out to her to lead her back to her own room, she darted forward and took hold of a corner of Justin's covers in her hand! He knew what exactly what this meant. He lightly but purposefully removed the corner out of her hand to deter her. "No. No, not here. You're going in your own bed."
Jorgie narrowed her eyes upon hearing this. She always was allowed into her daddy's bed whenever she asked and still at the age of five, she didn't understand why she couldn't get her own way with her big brother like she could with their father. For good measure, she muttered 'mean and grumpy' to back up her previous claim. But she stopped trying to grab hold of the covers. She moved onto something else instead. She pointed out something she observed.
"You were reading when I was in the door. You were reading a really big book." She told Justin and because he automatically folded his arms over his chest and I knew it was stubbornness rather than coldness, and he denied there being such a book, Jorgie nodded her head adamantly. "Uh huh. There is so a big book."
And after the deep purple haired male said 'nope' and thought about getting off the bed to tug her back to her own bed himself, the five year old girl went down onto her knees to try and drag said book out from under his bed. Needless to say, it was very heavy with full pages and she couldn't use her strength to pull it out much at all.
Despite having low energy levels in the middle of the night, Justin quickly sprang into action and took hold of her hand to stop her from pulling it.
"Okay, okay. There is a book and I was reading it. But it's private, yes? I don't go snooping around in your room." Justin pointed out and he gave his sister such a firm look along with a creased brow that even her stubborn self, stopped trying to take hold of it. But naturally, after a few moments and after Justin leaned over the bed and pulled it out to check she hadn't scuffed any of the pages; she dropped her rabbit plush toy to fold her own arms over her chest.
"I know what it is anyway." The orange haired little girl told Justin and he automatically showed off a bit of a smirk and a scoff and denied her words in his own way, she opened her mouth and got ready to say the name of the person who gave it to him. But when even she saw the way that he almost swallowed when her mouth just formed the first letter, she knew when to give it a rest. For a rare occasion she remained quiet for a few minutes as she picked her toy back up and Justin opened a few of the pages out of her sight. She didn't try to look. She just hitched herself up onto the end of the bed. She tiredly swung her legs. "I do know what it is. But I won't look."
Justin actually looked away from the pages and all of the photo memories to glance over at his little sister. He thought that she was having him on. He thought that she was lying to sneak some looks when he let his guard down. But after taking a brief look at her and seeing her sitting there in her pink dressing gown and slippers, he somewhat softened. She didn't look back at him and that's how he understood all the more. She really was telling the truth.
And because of her oddly timed maturity and potential understanding, he actually scooted a bit closer and gave her permission to see. So for the next few minutes, Justin and Jorgie looked at the memory scrapbook that Katie had given the deep purple haired male for his twentieth birthday – almost four years prior.
There were photos and memories of all kinds, from my own memory. Pictures of Justin holding a massive ice cream and with it all over his face when they went to the dessert shop together. Photos of when he had a prestigious gig in Sinnoh and she, Justin and James went there for the weekend. Memories of their various trips to guitar shops and hat stores and DVD markets. There were enough photos and memories to fill a dozen books. But Katie had managed to cram them into just the one. And needless to say, it was one of Justin's prized possessions.
Maybe it was his middle of the night self or how Jorgie had actually respected him but Justin actually let his little sister turn some of the pages himself. And she blinked when she saw photos of a baby who was very familiar to her. She had wispy orange locks and massive green eyes. She knew her very well indeed.
"Why am I in here?" she asked and her finger poked at the four pictures on the page. One of them was with a very young Jorgie and in a baby carrier strapped to her eldest brother's chest. The other was a photo of her a bit older but still a baby and wearing a hat on her head, and Justin next to her side, looking most displeased that he was no longer the only one with a head adornment. The other two were her getting into various messes that Justin and Katie encouraged her into.
"We used to hang out with you all the time when you were a baby. That was when I liked you." The deep purple haired male answered and he proved that he was still very much himself despite having a tiny bit of new-found respect for his little sister. Thankfully, she knew he was teasing by his exaggerated grin. She narrowed her eyes but went to looking back at some more pictures. But then she slammed it shut so she could look at the front.
"Why did Katie give it to you again?" Jorgie asked curiously and her famous large meadow coloured orbs focused on her eldest brother. And it was either that or the fact that the orange haired female's name had finally been spoken, but Justin found himself quickly looking away and furrowing his brow. He tried to make up for it by simply shrugging and playing with his hair but of course his little sister caught on. She pointed out with another wrinkle of her nose. "You're grouchy and mean 'cos you miss her."
The orange haired little girl hadn't used that word to describe her deep purple haired brother before and he turned his head towards her frowning all the more. He tried to narrow his eyes at her like she had done before, as well as deny this, but he found himself being unable to. He was able to talk, though. But he didn't look like he was convincing himself, let alone convincing Jorgie.
"I am not mean or grouchy. And I'm definitely not either of these things because I miss her." Justin tried to be firm with Jorgie but her eyes just wandered to look at the ceiling and she sighed.
"Fine." She sighed out while kicking her bunny slipper wearing feet and she continued looking at the swirling pattern on her big brother's ceiling before she looked back at him. And for once, she didn't have any hint of an ego as she pointed out. It was like she was speaking pure and innocent fact. "You're mean and grouchy 'cos you worry that she doesn't miss you."
"I'm not mean or grouchy. And if I am, it's because you've been purposely giving me a hard time lately." He retorted but it wasn't in an irritated way. He didn't have the energy for that. And he didn't have the energy to lie at the little girl either. After yet another sigh and a play with his growing locks, he shook his head and mumbled. "If I am mean and grouchy, it's 'cos I don't know if she's going to come back."
I held my breath in my dream. There it was. Indeed there it was. Yes. Justin had his worries about that ever since Katie had gone back to travelling with Jayden without telling him and even after their special time together. And although she had come back since for Jorgie's birthday party and Halloween and had valuable time with Justin once more, he was still afraid of feeling her slipping away. And he was definitely afraid of her being pushed away because of the conflicting emotions he had yet to navigate through.
Jorgie kept rarely quiet. Her feet stopped kicking as obviously and went back to twiddling like they often did when she was an infant. She looked back at Justin with wide eyes but I don't imagine that she intended that. They were naturally round and innocent. She uttered.
"You're with Sammy…" the orange haired little girl told her big brother and he caught on right away. He sighed. He shook his head as if to tell her that she wouldn't understand but he soon explained anyway. Maybe he felt better for getting it off his chest, even if he was right about her not understanding.
"Just because I've got him back in my life doesn't mean I don't miss someone else." Justin responded to her and he began to lie down on his bed on his side while propping himself up with his elbow. He ran a hand through his long locks and momentarily shut his eyes. In my sleep, I wondered if he wanted to substitute the word 'miss' for another word. He kept his eyes shut as he continued talking. He somewhat mumbled. And he fiddled with his fingers. "But I'm sorry if I've been extra impatient with you. I've just been… I've just been… I'm sorry."
It was rare to see Justin being lost for words like he had been when he was a teenager. And it was rare to see Jorgie being so unbiased and open with him. So that occasion was very rare. And it was no wonder that I imagined it so vividly as I dreamed.
Justin furrowed his brow and tried to speak all over again. He continued fiddling with his fingers. He didn't notice Jorgie edging closer to him.
"It's hard to spend a lot of time with someone and then for them to not be around as much anymore. And even if I am gaining closeness with Sammy and being around him more again, it's still weird not seeing her. And besides… I'm normally away. I'm normally touring. This is the first time that I'm the one being left at home. It's… It's a bit hard to get my head around."
Jorgie breathed out. She was being opened up to in quite a profound way and she was listening to emotions that she didn't quite understand. But her wise little half-angel self, understood when she looked at her big brother, it didn't matter if she didn't understand or his feelings were too beyond her years. He was talking about them. He was talking to someone about them. At last.
Once he started, he couldn't stop. It was emotional, really.
"I just… I just can't get a handle on it. She's not around anymore. And it's weird for me. I know she'll come back; of course I do. Her home is here. I know Jayden will come back as well. But… But she just feels lost. She feels out of reach. And I feel lost because I've lost sight of her."
"But that's not what you tell me." Jorgie found herself answering her big brother quickly and in a child-like voice, contrasting what she could go on to say. Justin blinked initially. He didn't understand her words. But he soon would when she elaborated. She shrugged and twiddled her feet. "When… When Mama goes back up. You tell me that she's still here even if I can't see her. And that she can never really go anywhere. 'Cos she loves me. And I love her."
Justin just slowly nodded. It was true. It was true, he did say that. He smiled almost sadly. He had told his little sister that plenty of times but for once, he didn't really believe his own words. Perhaps because he hadn't turned them into a song.
Jorgie furrowed her brow when her words didn't make him crack a smile, let alone feel a bit better. She wasn't used to that. She was used to her first efforts being successful. Thankfully, she was as stubborn and determined as her eldest brother. She found herself sticking her tongue out as she suddenly stood up on Justin's bed, scrambling over to the map that he had printed on his wall by his bed. She pointed to it with all of her might.
"You're lucky 'cos Katie is away now but she's not up there." Jorgie looked at Justin as she pointed towards the ceiling. He looked in the direction that her finger was gesturing. He just nodded his head. He was listening but he still wasn't smiling. The orange haired girl resumed pointing at the map. "She's there… Or there… Or there… She's anywhere there. And she's not up there."
Justin wasn't really feeling any better. I knew that it was true that he was appreciating her efforts but it was nothing that anybody had told him before. But wonderfully, another trait that Jorgie shared with the elder Morgan sibling was that they were extremely unique in their thinking. And if they weren't unique, then they were most certainly sincere.
Jorgie bounded over to her brother and looked at Justin rather solemnly as she stopped pointing to places on the map and the ceiling and poked his forehead and his chest also.
"She's here and she's here." The five year old girl reminded him and she knelt in front of him while he remained sprawled out on his bed, propped up with his elbow. And following that, she gestured all around. Her eyes almost pricked with tears as she believed in her words so much. "She's everywhere! She's all around us now even if she has disappeared. And she will come back. At least she's not in the place where lost people go. We will be together again. And you'll have even more things for your book. I know that I'm right..."
And at last, upon hear his little sister's voice soften for the last bit and yet her still underlying adamant behaviour and perhaps also recognising that it was a trait that they did indeed share, Justin finally smiled. It was a bit of a sigh and a smile too and a heavy hearted one but it was a smile nonetheless. He knew when he needed to have faith. He just didn't think that it would be his five year old half-sister to instil that in him.
"T… Thank you, Jorgie. I'll stop being a grouch now. I'll stop being such a grouch." He told her and after vulnerably opening up to her before, he couldn't do it once more. So he simply showed his gratitude instead. And even though the half-angel child accepted it and smiled, she soon scrunched her nose up and shook her head.
"No. You still gotta be a grouch. I don't want Katie to go away and that too. One thing at a time please."
And out of all the things that Jorgie could have said, this was the thing that made Justin feel properly better. He suddenly let out amused laughter and it was such a joy to see from my dream that I was worried that I was going to wake up! His face lit up and made Justin appear quite handsome. And Jorgie's amusing behaviour clearly tickled him so much that he even reached his hand out to stroke her hair for her.
"You really should go to bed now though, Jorgie. As weird and kind of fun this has been, it is way passed your bed time. And believe it or not, our dad can be even meaner than I can be." Justin playfully warned his little sister and squeezed her cheek with his forefinger and thumb too. Jorgie scrunched her nose up and denied this with a shake of her head but she soon nodded her head at his words. She prepared to shuffle away from him and hop down off his bed. But Justin actually stopped her. He continued clumsily stroking her hair. "No… No, Jorgie… You… You can stay with me if you want. You kind of deserve it after everything you said."
And naturally, Jorgie didn't hesitate to accept this offer. Though she was highly stubborn like her brother, she knew when to accept a good thing that came for her. She tried not to kick too much with flattery as she proudly climbed under the covers with her big brother and took her bunny toy with her too.
Out of habit, Justin gave her a side glance but he climbed under his own covers himself and planned on leaving the light on until his little sister fell asleep. He remained laying on his back and his hands went back behind his head once more. Jorgie curled up on her side and tried to shut her eyes but after a few minutes, she poked her head up. Justin glanced over at her right away. She asked him rather hesitantly.
"Cuddle…?" was all she asked him and she didn't bother giving him a sheepish grin. Instead, she gave him a hopeful smile, her eyes no longer as wide as they were filled with sleepiness. And though Justin narrowed his eyes and looked as if he may reject her, he soon moved closer to her and stretched his arm onto her side. He nodded his head a fraction.
"…Cuddle…" he told her to give her permission and for a second time that night, she didn't hesitate to accept his offer. She practically beamed as she rolled close to his side and cuddled near him. And she most certainly couldn't believe her luck when he pulled her onto his front and absentmindedly pulled her close to his chest as he held her. She nuzzled against his t-shirt and got as close as humanly possible. She uttered just one thing to her.
"Katie changed you…" she murmured in between yawning and shutting her eyes, cuddling close to her biggest brother as she intending on heading to sleep. And Justin knew exactly what she meant by her words. And not only did he understand them, but he agreed with them too. He breathed out. However, her words didn't fill him with heaviness. Her words then filled him with gladness instead.
"She has…" he murmured back, agreeing, and the way he pressed a light kiss to her forehead only proved how much the little girl's words were right. She looked up at him before sleepiness took over her eyes and they shut once more. He held her close. Katie really had freed him and opened him up and softened him too. But someone else did that as well. "You have too… I… Sometimes I almost like being your big brother. It means that I always have someone else to look out for."
And with that, Jorgie began falling asleep against her grateful big brother's chest. And she smiled with gratitude too. And not only that, she smiled with happiness.
Justin watched over her. As he made sure that she closed her eyes as sleep came around, he finally turned the light off for her. And he realised that everything that he had lost had almost been found. Katie was irreplaceable to him. But Jorgie was just as good too. In fact, maybe he wouldn't have realised how much he held he and his little sister's unique and frustrating yet pure bond close to him if she hadn't gone away.
And Jorgie realised her own things while she slept. Maybe she didn't have to go round torturing Justin as much as she did. Of course, she would continue to do so! But she understood why she couldn't wrap him around her little finger like she could with their father. He was a different person. He couldn't be caught. He couldn't be labelled. He couldn't be fathomed out. But he could be cuddled. That was something that she was determined to encourage him to do more of!
And in the end, he would appreciate it as much as he appreciated her coming into his room that night. And he would end up appreciating Katie and Jorgie's affections equally, too. They both softened his heart in many, many years. And after the initial pain of the diversion, the confusion and then he loss, he wound up appreciating it all. Everything that was meant to happen had happened. He was meant to grow closer with Katie. And he was meant to grow closer with Jorgie too.
They had been there for him every step of the way and they always loved him too. And thanks to the closeness with one of the orange haired females he was not only able to accept it but recognise it too. He recognised himself changing and it was all for the best. He was changing into the person he was meant to be. However, the greatest thing of all was that he was loved all along by everybody.
It didn't matter the mistakes he made or the expectations that he twisted. He was Justin. He was an unconditionally loving friend. He was a loyal son. He was an understanding brother. Though of course, he was a stubborn brother too! But he eventually knew when to speak his heart. And that most certainly was a lesson he learned from his time with Katie. As well as many other life-long teachings.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 Justin is definitely a character who thrives on chaos and often uses it to propel forward but as you can see here, like anyone, he still suffers and it does get him down. He shared a lot of intimacy and future possibilities with Katie and then it was all over in the blink of an eye. And seemingly forgotten about as well for the purposes of moving forward. But of course, those feelings linger for Justin a while longer. And they linger for Katie too - not that he realises. I'll have to write more about her point of view of it all :3 It's probably hard for Justin to use his own words back at him but necessary too! Sometimes a child can be helpful because as well as pointing out the obvious, they also pick up on things. Jorgie definitely does that in this chapter :3 Thanks again and I will be back again on Wednesday so see you then!
AmyBieberKetchum signing out!