Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter. In this one we tackle the Justin and Katie intimacy story-line once again but this time it focuses more on Justin and Lynne and how they clash heads over it. I think it's a really important one but mixed in with some sweetness of Justin with his little half-brother Johnny Jinn as well! I hope you enjoy :P
Ages:
Justin: 23
Johnny Jinn: Nearly 3
Lynne: 30
Disclaimer: I own the story and the OCs mentioned!
As I waited for my best friend to come by the Morgan household and pick me up after he was done with some special bonding time with his eldest son, I occupied myself with looking out the window. I always loved winter. To tell you the truth, I always liked any time of year that was right in front of me! But winter time was special. The frosted glaze of the world gave it a very magical appeal and the constantly lit fires and smell of cookies baking warmed the heart as well as the stomach. Yes, I enjoyed those months. But that day, my attention soon got captured by a sight and a sound that not only warmed my heart and my belly, but my spirit as well.
Justin and Johnny continued laughing, causing a little bit of havoc in the living room. As I turned around from my perch on the coffee table by the window, the two boys continued kicking a football together around the indoors of the house. The younger of the males barely came up to the older ones kneecap but they were most certainly tied in their levels of energy! In fact, the quick and enthusiastic movements of Johnny Jinn were giving Justin a run for his money.
"Oh! Oh! Nimble Jinn strikes again! He manages to work his magic and come out on top!" the deep purple haired male uttered playfully as his foot rested on top of the football while Johnny tried to zig-zag around and between his legs before kicking the ball with all of his might, trying to get it out of his eldest brother's hold. The lavender haired little boy grinned determinedly and looked up at the taller male. Justin used his little brother's head as a hand rest and smiled at him softly before that glance faded away completely. It was replaced with an equally competitive look as he continued his commentating. "Or does he? Nobody can beat me!"
I listened as Justin slipped out of his spectating and crowed about himself with a likeable level of confidence. Johnny Jinn definitely not only heard the deep purple haired male's words but understood them as well and understood that he was going to stop going lightly on him – if he ever had been in the first place. But that was okay with him.
James and Lynne's only son was a sweet and good-natured boy but when it came down to the crunch, he had a barrage of energy like he often came with a barrage of questions! The lavender haired little boy responded well to his big brother's change of words and after Justin used both his feet to skilfully get the football out of the boy's way and steal it for himself, he simply attempted to go back to trying to kick it with everything he had.
"My turn! My turn! My turn!" he roared but somehow managed to still seem polite with the innocence and playfulness in his young ocean blue orbs and the way that his youthful wavy curls at the back of his head bounced.
Justin only laughed and gasped in response to the bellow from his little brother at first but following that and following the subtle concern that at any moment the energetic little boy could miss a kick against the ball and whack into his shin instead, he knew he had to act quickly. With another gasp, he did his special trick of manoeuvring the football out of Johnny's range. He spoke out before doing anything else.
"It'll be your turn to score when you actually make it to the goal!" Justin exclaimed with more laughter and at the same time that I smirked with amusement at it all and glanced towards the two makeshift goals of a screwed up shirt of Justin's and a hair tie he often kept on his fingers opposing the homemade goal of both of Johnny's socks on the other side, the lavender haired little boy did as well. That was a big mistake.
Johnny Jinn only took his eye off the ball for one second and he only stopped kicking and trying to get it back from Justin for a few more. But it was too late. The deep purple haired male not only had height and power and brains on his side, but he had the cheekiness that made him get away with playing dirty as well.
Before the three year old's attention could go back to the goal at hand which was of course getting the ball off his biggest brother and with a mighty kick sending it through his makeshift goal – Justin suddenly had a different initiative and lifted his little brother up by under the armpits. It was Johnny's time to gasp.
"Oh! Oh! Would you look at that? They're now working together! Go for it Jinn!" Justin called out rather breathlessly in between doing his special manoeuvring trick for a third and final time (and I wondered if it was for my benefit) and after Johnny blinked for a couple of seconds, he soon couldn't stop his legs from kicking gleefully when he caught on. The deep purple haired male smiled at him as he pretended to swoop with him, running around the room with him still being held under the armpits. He encouraged once more. "Go for it, lad."
Warmth in my belly from the gladness of December changed to fire as I got a little bit into their "match" as well! And then pure enjoyment of their little bond was what took over next. I gazed on and smiled as Justin held Johnny in the air and lined him up with the ball. And after taking a big and mighty breath – almost as if he was the wolf preparing to huff and puff and blow houses down – Johnny Jinn kicked with all of his might. And he kicked harder than ever because Justin had asked him to.
We three boys watched as the ball tumbled and rolled towards Justin's goal of his blue plaid shirt and an old hair tie and as soon as it crossed through the borders, the deep purple haired male whooped and put his little brother down on the floor. That was lucky because Johnny's legs started kicking frantically!
"Yes! What an amazing sight! What an absolute moment." Justin celebrated by pumping his fist in the air and biting his lower lip and then glancing down at his little brother while he too celebrating, his hands then going to his hips. The eldest Morgan son couldn't stop the laughter as Johnny Jinn ran in circles. He of course hollered out too.
"My turn! My turn! My turn!" the lavender haired little boy repeated and he didn't stop running in circles even as his voice got a little bit breathless with the excitement of it all. Justin and I shared a look across the room and then nodded our heads towards James and Lynne's son. We understood what he meant. But he wanted to make it perfectly clear as well. He changed his gleeful cries as his running in circles changed direction. "I won!"
Before any child-like insults or arrogance could fly Justin's way from Johnny Jinn, the deep purple haired male just accepted defeat and continued nodding his head, his hands still on his hips. Though his gaze said something along the lines of "I'll get you next time", his expression was filled with pure enjoyment even more so.
He had always had a great fondness for his little half-brother; he found him very easy to get along with. They had a similar competitiveness and similar energy and similar innocence as well. Justin knew that he considered him such a huge part of his family that he rarely bothered to use the "half" part in front of his name. Johnny Jinn was just his little brother. But the way that how quickly time seemed to go and how much the little boy grew in front of him, he almost knew that it wouldn't be that way for very long.
Thankfully for the time being, however, Johnny Jinn was still pretty young. And he proved that by his foot getting caught on his jeans as he ran and he gasped as he almost tumbled straight onto the floor! But luckily Justin was there before that happened.
"Whoops! We can't have you getting injured in your prime, can we?" Justin asked airily as he caught the little boy mid fall and because he seemingly understood the complimentary edge to his words, after Johnny mimicked the older male's fist bump from the floor, he whirled his legs like a windmill even more so. The deep purple haired male knew that he had to give in or he'd end up seriously hurt! So he collapsed on the floor with his little brother, laughing. He reached out to pat the top of his head while he continued to loosely hold him. "That was a good one."
It was true that Johnny Jinn could be hyper and relentlessly inquisitive at times. But it was also true that he was very sweet and very sensitive. And no doubt in that moment did he catch on that Justin's last words were a genuine compliment of the time that they shared. He finally stopped whirling his legs about and smiled happily over at his brother, his strong head butting at his head.
With his spare hand, the deep purple haired male reached for the football and began throwing it up and down in the air with just the one hand before moving it down to the ground, using it as a basketball on the carpet. Of course Johnny was quick to join in. And he was quick to attempt to slap the ball, trying to copy the older male. It was then that it was no longer just boys in the room.
I had started to jump down from the coffee table after having long ago forgotten the sights of the world outside and was preparing to join in the male's antics myself when Lynne entered. She looked a little flustered and worn out after just coming from the kitchen but she appeared breezy and motherly nonetheless. She entered the room and couldn't stop a fond smile from taking over her face and words escaping her lips when she saw the two brothers' playing together.
"Oh, you two boys." She uttered, her hand lingering on the door frame for a moment longer before she spotted me as well, giving me a wave and then coming to my side to pet my head instead of the wood.
Needless to say, Johnny Jinn looked up straight away when he heard his mother's voice and in between feeling the gentle strokes of Lynne, his reaction amused me. He stopped slapping the ball as hard as he tried to get it to bounce and used one hand to cover his mouth. He giggled from behind it. I wondered if he had escaped her care like he had often done.
Nevertheless, before I could focus on that so hard and the pit of my stomach could fill with amusement or my mouth could show off a smirk, I caught side of Justin's reaction and it was vastly different to his little brother's. Though he hadn't exactly been being loud before, he somehow seemed to quieten down at her presence and words as well. But greatly opposing this, Johnny spoke out from behind his hand when he stopped snickering and he announced gleefully.
"My turn! I won! My turn! I won!" he started bouncing up and down. Immediately, Lynne's own ocean blue eyes filled with fondness towards her only son with James but she tilted her head, giving him a slight look even so. I was impressed with the way that he didn't hesitate to stop jumping, responding well to her very gentle reminder by smiling at her sweetly.
Rather demurely, he then pointed to the ball on the floor and the goal that he had previously managed to get it through. Lynne caught on straight away. Briefly, she used her other hand to smooth down the skirt of her dress as she tickled me under the chin with her other hand.
"Oh, you managed to score, did you?" the orange haired woman asked with a smile as she bent down somewhat more to his level. Johnny Jinn always liked pleasing her but even so; he couldn't stop himself from jiggling his body slightly as he did his best to resist jumping up and down fully. He nodded his head. Lynne's gaze changed towards Justin. She made an attempt to include him. "You managed to score against your big brother?"
Johnny Jinn puffed his chest out upon hearing this but soon got bored of doing that and remembered he had wanted to bounce the ball like a basketball and like Justin so went back to trying to do that. As this went on, the deep purple haired male let silence be the only response to Lynne at first. I blinked. She didn't. But that moment quickly came and went.
Justin then nodded to Lynne in response. And then he spoke to her while showing his little brother how to bounce the ball properly. He didn't gaze in any particular direction.
"Yep." He began, taking a short moment to push his growing locks from out of the way of his eyes (though he wasn't using them to look at Lynne) and then continuing as he held his hand out to stop the ball from bouncing out the way while Johnny slapped it. Justin explained. "He managed to score against me. He'll soon be able to join me for some matches."
Somehow that was the most gleeful that Johnny Jinn had looked that whole day when he heard those words. He beamed over at his biggest brother hopefully in between slapping the ball and though no doubt that the deep purple haired male found it endearing, he still couldn't stop himself from smirking and teasing the youngest member of their large family. He purposely used his hand to roll the "basketball" out of Johnny's way.
While Lynne nodded her head and used both hands to play with the embroidery of her dress, thinking of words to say back in response, the lavender haired little boy didn't hesitate to knit his eyebrows together and go back to trying to kick the ball hard. Justin just laughed.
"We're going to have to take you to judo too or something!" the deep purple male exclaimed and following that, as he moved to lay on his side and propping himself up with one of his elbows, he used the other hand to block each and every one of Johnny's kicks. Multiple times he caught the little boy's bare foot in his hand and pretended to shake it.
The three year old boy lost his balance all of the times but didn't seem to mind at all. He joined in the laughter and kicked harder. He then got a little too boisterous for his mother's liking. She broke away from me for good and moved closer to the two boys'.
"Oh, now that's a bit far. You need to stop getting so excitable near nap time. It's not a very good idea, is it?" Lynne asked patiently in contrast to her motherly worried tone and gaze and though I was thinking of hopping closer to her for more affection from her because I enjoyed it so, all ideas of that exited my mind promptly when Justin responded to her. His face changed entirely. His eyebrows knotted together like Johnny's had done before but his weren't so innocently. He had to prevent his chin from jutting out as he took her words personally.
"Well, sorry. He came to me when I was in here and we ended up playing together. I didn't know that that was bad." Justin spoke and his words were fair enough though his tone and expression was unusually defensive. Lynne's head turned to his direction. Johnny Jinn's did too. More words escaped from the deep purple haired male before he could stop them. "I didn't realise that I had to stay away from him as well."
These words from Justin registered as an afterthought that slipped out to me at first but the more that I thought about it and the more that they rang in my ears the more that I realised that he meant them. Even so, when Lynne just responded to his statement with nothing but a wordless silence and a quiet sigh, he knew that they were out of place. They were especially out of place in front of the lavender haired little boy.
He coughed an apology when Johnny moved around to hug his legs, trying to make it out that he wanted a bit of affection like I had but everyone knew that he was sensing the tension between them. He had probably been sensing it between them the last couple of months.
I didn't know if it was going to be out of place to them all but because I felt the need to even things out, I decided to join Justin's side. Without a word, I went over to him and climbed between his legs in the hope of at least a pat from him. I think that he was surprised from that gesture from me after everything that had gone on but was grateful nonetheless. And on top of that, he was relieved. Though there was an unmistakable silence, it got a little bit better when Lynne crouched down to give her nearly three year old son a proper hug and Justin rubbed under my neck with one hand.
I tried my hardest not to overthink it or even observe it as I shut my eyes and just enjoyed the rubs from the eldest Morgan son but the speechlessness between everyone was undeniable. What was worse was that everybody was aware of it and everybody wanted to change it but nobody knew how. The fact that it needed changing was a problem in itself. It had never been like that.
My eyes fluttered open when Lynne surprised me by asking. What she asked was definitely a risky one. Though it was perfectly understandable from the way that she had seen Justin's phone on the side flash with a message just seconds before.
"Have you heard from Katie today, Justin?" the orange haired woman asked as coolly as she could but never mind how it was for the deep purple haired male, I felt a tightening in the depths of my belly – and I had been drastically caught in the middle from the beginning! I did my best to ignore that uncomfortable feeling and I pondered the notion that Lynne probably felt a bit braver in speaking of that kind of thing while her other arm was occupied with embracing her little boy. That of course didn't make it easier on Justin's ears, though.
At first I couldn't help but notice that he had a tiny fraction of an expression that showed that he was caught off guard with her question completely. I noted inwardly that it was probably the same sensation – that same negative electricity – that ran through him when he made a mistake on stage. But as expected, he moved past it as well as he did when he was in front of a crowd of people. He simply nodded and pushed his hair from his eyes, reaching past the abandoned ball on the floor and picking up his phone instead. I could feel Lynne studying his every move.
"Yeah. And Jayden." He answered and in spite of the fact that I understood his words were probably very much the truth, one couldn't help but feel like he added the last name to prove a point. Well, I couldn't be sure that I was thinking that. I knew that Lynne was probably thinking that. Justin continued, trying to be airy as well as polite after his defensiveness that he had been too late to stop. He waved a hand. "They're at that ice sculpture exhibition today. You know the one. They love it."
"Your dad loves it." Lynne responded quietly and despite the softness of her words, her pupils changed in a way as if to tell me that she wasn't expecting herself to answer as promptly as she had. Johnny Jinn moved away from then hugging her but he didn't move away from being near her side. I stayed with the deep purple haired male as well. It made sense to me that I wanted that to be balanced with the imbalance that had befallen our group as of late. The orange haired female explained her words when Justin's head prepared to tilt. "He has a photo in his office of when he took Katie there. It seems very nice. Yes. I'm sure they're enjoying being together there."
I took a moment to ponder the reactions or response that the eldest Morgan may have when he heard these words. Part of me thought that he would nod his head and scratch the back of his hair, remembering that yes indeed, James did have a photo depicting that memory with Katie. Another part of me – not quite a half – thought that he was going to merely nod his head and not say much else. He probably felt like he had a little bit of making up to do with things beyond just the way he had been so defensive previously.
However when I briefly glanced over at Johnny Jinn and saw him standing back up from off his bottom – preparing to leave the room to toddle off and find his lavender haired father after being reminded of him – the thoughts that I was suppressing in my brain came to light. It was then that Justin had the reaction that I was not expecting. He laughed.
The deep purple haired male laughed. While shaking his head and moving his body to sit down on his own bottom rather than on his side and crossing his long legs together, he laughed. I could have sworn that he mouthed a word that was rather obscene. But because I was uncertain and I couldn't be certain over whom or what it was directed to, I moved past that. And I focused on how he answered when Lynne's eyes widened with uneasiness after watching Johnny Jinn scoot off to find the fellow lavender haired male.
"That's not what you want to say to me, is it? That's not what you want to be saying at all." Justin started and it only filled Lynne with even more confusion. Even so, she managed to still look at the younger male, her ocean blue orbs flickering. The deep purple haired male added as he sat further up but looked down at the ground as well. His voice got quieter. His out of place laughter faltered. "I hate this. Neither of are really talking together. Neither of us has really spoken in what feels like forever. And that's because we don't want to say what we really mean. We daren't. I daren't. But I hate it. It doesn't feel like us. This has never been us."
The orange haired female looked down at her lap – she looked down at the embroidery on her pretty home-crafted dress. It was in that instant that she herself and I myself addressed the underlying tension and uneasiness that had been a reoccurrence in the past couple of months. I wondered if we both had respect for the deep purple haired male for being the one to bring it up. But then again, he had been the one to make the "mistakes". It was easier for him to bring up the decisions that he had made himself.
Justin moved closer to Lynne. Though I got the feeling that he didn't want to – well, it was more a case of feeling uneasy and uncertain with doing so – he did exactly that. Moving on his bottom and his long legs still crossed, he moved closer to his orange haired step-mother. He managed to look at her. He had a bit of a sad twinkle in his eye. But he managed to gaze upon her face nonetheless. He shook his head all over again.
"Why don't you just say it? Lynne? Why don't you just come out with it? Just tell me what you're thinking. And just ask me what you don't know. It would be a hell of a lot easier than finding out from other people or trying to read what little you give me. So just say it."
Although it crossed my mind that if it was wrong to label Justin's words as hypocritical, I couldn't help but feel that they mirrored actions that he had made himself. And vulnerabilities that he found difficult to move past. Even so, I tried my best not to judge and I tried to listen. The iciness of the room was thawing along with the world outside of the window.
Lynne sighed as she too shook her head, her hand moving to rub her forehead. She was trying to ease all of the worries of all of the changes as of late.
"I can't come out with it because I don't know what I'm thinking, Justin. I don't know what I'm thinking at all." Lynne began and it was a fact that Justin could be exuberant and loud at times. But at that moment, he just shut up and listened. He found it easy to. Probably because he felt like nobody had listened to him. They had only judged and jumped to conclusions. A silence was the only thing that spoke for a few moments and then more words from Lynne came. She shook her head. That time it was out of disappointment. That feeling was misting in her eyes as well. "You know that I think that you made the wrong decision. I don't know why you say that you have to try and work it out yourself and guess because I've made that perfectly clear from the beginning. You acted carelessly. And that has disappointed me very much."
Disappointed. Such a cruel word in that context. It wasn't a mean one. It wasn't intended to be mean. It wasn't intended to be malicious. It was just honest. And that was probably what made it so nauseating.
Sometimes it felt easier to upset people. Sometimes it felt easy to anger them. But to disappoint? Such a complex word. A complex word with complex feelings that lead to complex feelings. Justin quickly looked away, feeling the burn of the particular word and the burn in his eyes and throat when he was hit with it all over. Even so, he managed to speak through that hurt. Speaking the truth and speaking from his heart had been a gift born out of the times that he had found himself intimate with Katie.
"Maybe… Maybe I made the wrong decision. Yes, I made the wrong decision. I put myself first and my brother last and acted selfishly and I accept that." Justin began softly and as soon as I heard these words, my shoulders straightened out. That was a first. That was brave. That was admirable. And then as quickly as those thoughts came, the stinging feeling of hurt for Katie took over my body. I did my best to deal with that at a later time. I listened when Justin's voice raised slightly towards Lynne and he glanced back over towards her instead. "But my feelings are my feelings. They are mine and they belong to me and me alone. They are my business. I know I've disappointed you. But you've disappointed me the times you have said that I took advantage of her. That I hurt her. No. Never. You can't know me at all."
Lynne breathed out as she listened. Her stroking the embroidered flower pattern on her dress got a little more trembling and I urged to move closer to her instead of Justin. It wasn't a personal thing. I just was more aware of the demeanour of the orange haired woman when she was emotional. I decided to meet my urges halfway and move halfway between them while Lynne whispered words.
She whispered words along the lines of "you are so like your father" and after Justin's chin did jut out this time, she decided to shake her head instead, her eyes threatening to pool with everything coming to the surface at last. However, that head shake and that head shake along caused a reaction within Justin. His own eyes didn't threaten to pool with tears because they did. They welled out of frustration as he stood up to his full height, his fists starting to tremble.
"How can you say that? You know that I hate that. The fact that years later I still feel horrendous for "lying" to you or the very least, shielding you from who I was. And I finally told you and everything was fine and I find Katie and you apparently don't know me all over again… Disappointing. Utterly disappointing."
"It is disappointing, isn't it, Justin?" Lynne surprised me by coming out with and she surprised me all the more by standing up to her own full height. For one reason or another, her demeanour was far less shaky than Justin. Her own chin didn't jut out but her eyes glinted with motionlessness. She had never meant to be close-minded. She felt protective and she accepted that. But even her gentle self couldn't just sit around and hold her tongue. Maybe that's why it hurt Justin so. It was the first time between them during such a raw time for him. He still managed to look at his father's girlfriend as she continued. "It's disappointing to me to hear of these impulses time and time again. Nobody learns. Nobody learns to control their emotions. It's not love when nobody learns or thinks to stop and think of others. I just didn't expect it from you."
The deep purple haired male turned his head as if he wanted to turn away and I myself found it hard to watch. His whole face flushed. And then as rapidly as that had happened, it cooled right the way down and paled. He shook his head. But the way that he shook his head showed off that he barely had the energy to do so. All of his reserves were taken up by trying to help Lynne to understand that his feelings were genuine.
I felt empathy for everyone involved during lots of different times. But in that moment I was caught by two very different points of view. In fact, I was caught by every point of view. More and more I knew that I had to stop and think about what I thought. It was very clear what Justin thought because he expressed it.
"I got carried away by my feelings for once in my life. For once I became unguarded and let that sort of magic lead the way. And for you to stand here and act like it's some sort of infuriating cycle that hasn't been stopped and for you to invalidate my feelings is insulting. It's painful. Judge my decisions all you want. Please judge me going forward rather than the time I got caught up. But my feelings are real, I know them as such. Your granddaughter bought them to life. It might not be what you want to hear but get used to me saying it how it is. It hurts me deeply that I've admired your love with my father as far as to write songs about it and you've turned around and denied me of my own diversion. Your little fairy-tale isn't as perfect as you think. Don't look down on me for reminding you that not everything was as faultless as you remember."
Justin's eyes filled more and more with tears and instead of his voice getting fired up or starting to shake as he – like he said himself – meant every little part of his words – he simply looked right at Lynne as he said everything that he wanted to say. And I looked up and I watched and observed as it was the orange haired woman who snapped. She didn't snap loudly or violently. She just shook all the more, trembling as she took a step closer to her James' son. Her own eyes puddled.
"H-How dare you…" she began as one of her quivering fingers reached out to point at the deep purple haired male but before she could say any more or as if to sense that along with her eyes momentarily dropping down, Justin knew – or he had least hoped – that his point of view was beginning to make sense to her.
Lightly and politely still in the middle of their dynamic, he pushed her finger away from him before it got any more accusing. He swallowed and took a step forward. His spine straightened. His voice rose. He didn't want to be domineering. He just felt the words that he expelled with every piece of his passionate heart.
"N-No, how dare you, Lynne. I don't want you to accept how I feel because I accepted how you felt. Nor do I want you to admire my feelings for Katie as I do with you and my dad - because you feel how you feel and I almost respect you for at least sticking to it. But how dare you be so hypocritical. How dare you be so close minded? I am the luckiest person on the planet for getting to share moments with a good friend like that, regardless of the labels I gave myself. Can't you open your eyes and see that? You've been lucky and so have I. And instead of becoming closer because of that, you've denied my loving feelings and pushed me away!"
The deep purple haired male took a step back. I don't believe that he intended to make a point in that way; it was just what felt natural for him. It certainly gave Lynne something to think about alright. It was either the words or the actions, I didn't know. As the orange haired female's eyes wandered over the younger male and she did a little bit of what he asked of her and thought a little bit harder, her shoulders dropped an inch and her eyes flickered.
Justin sensed this within her but he didn't want to get too hopeful. And on top of that, he was far too busy in the midst of another emotional display. Once again, he was being driven by the feelings of within. He sniffed adamantly, taking that step back closer towards her. His voice cracked as he longed to add more words.
"I thought that I would be able to trust you. I thought that I would be able to come to you like I always have done. But in a way you showed me the door and I do not want to take it. I want what I had with you as well. I mean, you've been like a second…"
The eldest Morgan son cut off as he couldn't even say the word that he wanted to say. It broke him far too much. My own throat felt itself tightening with emotion. It was true that it was Lynne who was usually the more open and emotional of the two but in that moment it was very much the deep purple haired male. But it was perhaps this display of his and perhaps him showing vulnerability rather than stubbornness or frustration that it finally unlocked within Lynne all of the perspectives that she had been avoiding taking a wander down.
Her eyes widened when she heard Justin not finish his sentence. Her nose twitched. She swallowed. But she barely exhaled. She took a step forward herself, holding her hand weakly over her heart. She could barely speak but she tried to finish for him anyway.
"M-Mother…?" she asked in barely a whisper and it was when this word was uttered that Justin's face crumpled. His usually certain and assertive face screwed up and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as though he couldn't bare the pain of vulnerability any longer. And like how it often was when there was an imbalance, intuition caused it to even out. Despite all of the opinions and perspectives and words that had been said and words that had not been said, Lynne took yet another step forward and she caringly held Justin's slim shoulders in her hands. Weakly, his eyes opened as she told him. "We… We can still be like that… It can still be that way…"
"No… No it can't." Justin insisted and his face screwed up more as he shook his head and added the distance between them. I tried not to think of him or see him as a little boy who had been so hurt and let down that he was denying everything. He sniffed prominently, his shoulders shaking as though they had been made fragile by his step-mothers touch. The way that he looked right at her, his eyes swimming in a pool of tears could make hearts break. "No it can't! I just want you to understand but you don't even try! You… You don't even want to try. You don't even want to try…"
It was quietly obvious that Justin did know why she didn't want to try from his previous words and observations but as I took my own step back, I believed that it was for the best that he said these words because when he played innocent, it took Lynne to step up all over. Now that things were coming to the surface and they were finally getting everything off their chests, it was natural for the orange haired woman from "up there" to restore balance.
It was a risk whether he would respond to it well at all but nevertheless, after Lynne swallowed and she tried to drain her tears away as Justin's continued pooling, she shakily yet firmly put her hands back on his shoulders. She knew what she had to do. She had always known what she had to do, in fact, but almost like the deep purple haired male himself, it took some guards being let down. But at last, seeing Justin do that all over again, she was beginning to get ready to do exactly the same.
Justin's step mother moved one of her hands off his shoulder and brushed it over his forehead instead. The breath hitched in the deep purple haired male's throat and he briefly shut his eyes to try and dry his own as well as to gain some more courage. But it was Lynne's turn for that. It was Lynne's turn for a bit of bravery and a bit of overcoming an obstacle in her own mind and heart. She breathed out. She found an oncoming flicker of a smile in spite of everything and the painful words that Justin had said to her.
"I… I do want to try, Justin. I do want to try and understand. You… You're right. I'm not… as open-minded as you sometimes. But maybe I can be. I do want to understand. I don't want to you feel hurt. I want you to come to me. I'm ready for you to come to me…" Lynne's voice was level and calm and Justin's eyes were open but they fluttered in a spiky with tears fashion as if he was hearing her for the first time. Her tones got quieter as she continued. In fact, she almost whispered her last part. "Talk to me…"
I think in that moment that it was my eyes that filled with tears for Justin upon hearing that – his had already been expelled far too many times. My eyes welled. I swallowed. But I embraced it. I was certain that he had wanted to hear those words for so long and he wanted to hear them with all of the sincerity that he hoped that he exuded. I guessed that he couldn't believe it when he finally heard them.
But like he did with many occasions be them platonic or romantic or musical or intimate or otherwise, he knew that he had to seize it with every little piece of him. He was still shaking. He was still worn down. He was still vulnerable. A part of his guard was still up. But after he allowed himself to reach out to squeeze Lynne's hand, he just knew that he had to lead by example. If things went badly then at least he had tried. If he couldn't get through to Lynne then he at least hoped that he shared some of his determination.
But I knew in my heart that he could get through to her and she could get through to him and they could both understand each other. And I knew the way in which he was going to do exactly this. He didn't even have to warn Lynne.
The eldest Morgan male finally broke away from the orange haired woman and moved to the side of his family living room. He sidled over to his guitar and picked it up by the neck. Lynne held her breath. Lynne held her breath but she sat down. I sat down with her. Justin soon sat down as well. He sat down opposite the orange haired woman from "up there" and he placed his guitar on his lap.
First of all, he looked over at Lynne. They shared a glance. They shared a very brief and momentary glance but it was telling nonetheless. It was even more telling when the orange haired female softly nodded her head, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and pulling me closer. With his eyes still damp from tears of all kinds of emotion and throat raw with communicating it all, Justin nodded his head back.
Then his left hand went to his fret-board and his fingers of his right delicately went to the strings. He prepared to play a song that he had written not to make Lynne understand but he hoped would lead them both to a place of understanding anyway. And when he softly cleared his throat and played the first few notes with his head held high – his head filled with finding comfort in vulnerability held high – the sounds captured Lynne straight away.
Her breath hitched in her throat. Her hand moved back to her heart. Her eyes didn't water. But they listened. She listened. From the get go it became obvious that she was going to understand. And she was not only going to understand but she would find herself closer with Justin all over again and learning about herself and learning to accept all kinds of love.
It was true that she had been lucky with love in her life but the tale of Justin and Katie had in a way caused her to put guards up. While the emotional armour came down for Justin, it went up for Lynne. She had to face the reality that things hadn't always been easy for her and James and not only that, but they could have not ended up together. They could have not ended up a family. And they could have ended up not having a family.
But once she let that guard go all over again thanks to Justin finally letting go of resentment and frustration and assumptions and him opening up himself all over despite being afraid to do so, she realised that she just had to feel grateful rather than dismissive.
Things ended up okay for her in the end. And they ended up okay for Justin as well. He didn't exactly end up with the person that he spent all those special moments with but perhaps he ended up with something better. No, he definitely did. He gained a best friend. He held onto a brother. He had a future with the person he was meant to spend his life with. And he ended up with a lifetime of untameable creativity.
There were a lot of opinions and perspectives and rights and wrongs when it came to Justin and Katie. But it was like that with James and Lynne as well. And when both Justin and Lynne accepted that kinship within each other, they got closer all over again. It was a lesson for them both. And that whole tale would get told in songs that Justin would write. And it will all get told for you too.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 While I tend to lean more on the Justin's side in all this when it comes to Justin and Lynne's confrontation specifically, I think Lynne's point of view and struggles coming to terms with it are really interesting. No doubt is Lynne actually one of my most open-minded characters but inadvertently her coming to terms with the reality of her own relationship with James Morgan cause her to shun Justin's feelings quite a lot. But thankfully, they are resolved in the end. And I believe that it's down to the way Justin reacts. At first, his own walls go back up and he has an attitude of why should he make her understand when she makes no effort to do so. But it's only after he believes in his own feelings so strongly that he can tell Lynne how he feels without caring, it makes her start to understand also :3 And on a lighter note, you see Justin's relationship with a toddler Johnny here which is fun! That was good to write about before all the drama :P Thanks again and I will be back on the 28th with "To You Both" so see you then!
AmyBieberKetchum signing out :P