Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter! Even though this is a story that does indeed touch on the tale of Justin and Eli and their break up, it somehow focuses on Justin and Jordan a lot as well. And what kind of man Jordan is too. This chapter takes place a good few months after their break up. As you can tell, things are still pretty raw. They're complicated. They're mostly unspoken. Yet extremely real. I hope you enjoy :3
Ages:
Justin: 22
Jordan: 32
Disclaimer: I own the story and the OCs mentioned!
"Thanks a lot, ladies. See you again very shortly, I'm sure!" the yellow haired male called behind him as he leaned his entire, broad body against the door of the building that he was preparing to exit. Somehow managing to hold his collection of bags with just the one hand, he waved with the other. After grinning and chuckling heartily, he was off! Another fish and chip pick up was complete.
The ladies in the very same fish and chip shop of course grinned and giggled and waved too in response. Misty's father stopped leaning so firmly yet casually against the glass door of the establishment and headed through it. He joined the deep purple haired male and I on the other side, lingering on the pavement and holding our own share of the collection.
The eldest Morgan son was politely waving from the outside to the ladies working at the fish and chip shop on the inside while struggling juggling doing that and holding the bags! He was near enough dropping one of them – and I was somehow giggling at that in between holding one in my strained cheeks – when Jordan effortlessly swooped by and relieved us of our burdens.
Somehow, he was then carrying five different bags and seemed to perk up all the more there were. I wondered if Justin felt a bit embarrassed when he was left holding just a couple of the child sized ones, but after the yellow haired male merely nudged his shoulder against his in a friendly way before gesturing for us to get going, I shrugged this off when Justin shrugged too and he pressed his mouth into a smile.
It was more of an accepting one than a polite one as had been with the ladies in the takeaway shop that he was far less familiar with than the older, broader male.
And speaking of those same women, Jordan spoke of them just one last time.
"Nice gals." He uttered simply while his strong yet easy-going hold continued carrying the biggest sum of the bags and then the three of us began slowly walking away for good, taking all of the dinner back towards the Morgan Household.
In between having his hoodie hood up and snugly over his head and ears too, Justin nodded in response but didn't say anything. And seeing as he had the easiest bags to hold, he was able to reach his hand up and touch a loose strand of hair that had become untucked, pushing it back along with the remainder of his locks inside his hood.
I couldn't help but smile to myself as I trotted next to Jordan rather than the deep purple haired male, secretly rather overjoyed to not have to hold anything at all. I didn't blame Justin for keeping warm with his hood up around his face! February's were known for being rather chilly in Kanto. But I knew that he would have done this no matter the weather. More so in recent months though, I observed.
Trotting along with the two vastly different male's but closer to the yellow haired one like I said, I then couldn't refrain from smirking to myself all over again when Jordan didn't bother to stop his own actions. The yellow haired male had only got a couple of metres away from the fish and chip shop and before crossing the road and instead of focusing on whether it was a safe place to do so or not, Jordan turned back behind him and gave the ladies in the food place just one more wave!
I knew that I was imagining the sound of their giggles, but I believed that I was right all the same. I was certain that the women of all age's cheeks would have blushed the delicate shade of a rose and they would have waved back too, tittering also. He most likely was one of their most favourite customers. And no wonder. Not only did he spend plenty of money and often too, but he was charming as well. Talkative. Friendly. Easy to get along with.
As I turned my head after properly (and safety) getting across the road thanks to the deep purple haired male scooting on ahead and looking both ways, almost preparing to direct the yellow haired male if need be, I believed that Justin and I weren't having too dissimilar thoughts.
After relaxing that the road had indeed been crossed without a hitch and there was a bit of a stretch of safe, easy-travelling one before the next crossing, I was made certain of the eldest Morgan son and I sharing thoughts after Jordan nonchalantly hummed to himself, holding the fish and chip shop brown paper bags in a clumsy yet carefree manner.
Yes, Jordan really was a fellow who was most easy to get along with. And following this shared thought, I then found myself having my own, private ones.
I couldn't help but wonder whether the deep purple haired male often found it peculiar just how easy-going and likeable he was. Or maybe because he had known him and known of his past since he was a very young child, he just accepted him for who he was.
Perhaps Justin never really thought too hard about surprising it was that a man with such previous lack of interest for life could be so friendly and encouraging of other people living their best life; however they chose to do that. It just was what it was. Jordan just was who he was. And secretly, surely the younger, deep purple haired male admired him for that.
He certainly came out with something fond there and then and in that moment. Pushing his hood a little back from his face to get a view, Justin's polite smile from before disappeared entirely. He showed off a bit of a smirk as he slowed down his pace to be right next to the older, broader male. He nudged his shoulder against his like he had done to him moments before but, needless to say, it didn't almost push him over like had been the case when Jordan had done it to Justin!
The eldest Morgan son uttered his thoughts.
"So, has that place back there been your favourite to get the fish and chip grub ever since you started coming back here? Gotta be." The deep purple haired male spoke and then stated, already believing himself to be correct in somehow a modest way. His slight smirking grin changed to an even smile, his dimple disguised by the blue hood around his face.
I looked up at the yellow haired male in between trotting and waited a good couple of moments before getting to hear an answer. And it wasn't because Jordan didn't hear the younger male. It wasn't because he was thinking of a response, either.
Jordan being Jordan, he had grown a little distracted with everything around him and mysteriously smiling to himself about them all. I tried to follow his gaze on each and every one of them but it was far too energetic that I couldn't keep up for even a second!
Contrasting this, Justin didn't bother to following the yellow haired male's gaze at all. Maybe after years of trying he had finally given up. Instead, the deep purple haired male merely waited for the response, whenever it came, his hands continuing to hold his very small fraction of the bags.
And then, Misty's father being utterly himself all over again, his reply then eventually came out of nowhere and booming.
"Gotta be!" the yellow haired male suddenly turned to grin at the younger male who was on the other side of the path to him, just less than a metre away. He copied his words back to him in order to agree with him. And then while the deep purple haired male quietly blinked, still somehow not used to his sudden outbursts, a few more moments of silence happened before Jordan added, nodding as well. "It's gotta be. No one does it like them in there. Except your sweet Nanny Josie, of course. She was unmatched. But she was different."
I knew that Jordan meant that it was different – that James Morgan's grandmother and Justin Morgan's great-grandmother cooked to a far different degree than could be found at a takeaway shop. Even so, I found his choice of words somehow more appropriate. And sweet too.
I especially found it sweet how the yellow haired male made sure to point out that it was indeed Justin's Nanny Josie. I wondered if the deep purple haired male had resumed smiling a bit more at this, and, without taking the time to utter a single word, thought about how that lovely old grey haired woman that was sadly no longer with us was equally a grandmother to Jordan as she was to he and his siblings and of course his father as well.
They had always gotten along so well. They had always had such an unusual yet endearing bond. Justin's smile managed to remain of the same quality while mine turned a little bit nostalgic and wan too. I felt very fortunate to always be around all kinds of people and understanding their lives and in a way, getting to share all of them with everyone.
But still, sometimes all of that observation and all of that belonging came at a price. It came at a price when someone had to go away. It put a pain in my heart to continue observing one person while one of their very favourite people close to them no longer could be around.
It was certainly like that when it came to watching Jordan with Josie. Of course, it was that way with Justin and his grandmother too. But at that point, I was thinking of the two people with the bond who were not strictly relatives.
However, that person that occupied my thoughts the most seemed to be the most unaffected. As I put this down to simply feeling gratitude that he could have once just known a person like that, Jordan continued humming to himself and carrying the bags, crossing a road all over again when it came to it.
Yet that time, he crossed with a bit more care and consideration. It was a possibility that Nanny Josie's magic from beyond was worming a little bit into him. And then it definitely found its way into Justin a little bit too.
Though his smile had managed not to waver, it then perked up another fraction more when one more road had been successfully crossed. The deep purple haired male didn't bother to nudge against Jordan that time. The grin that took over his face all over again showed a degree of mischief so that he didn't have to muster a more playfully boisterous kind.
"So how much do you reckon you have spent in that place? Do you think it's more than I've spent on guitars?" Justin questioned, his eyebrows rising in curiosity. No doubt was he making a ludicrous comparison just to prove a point but even so, one couldn't help but wonder!
And then showing that the yellow haired male was just as much a surprising fellow as his first time round on earth, Jordan didn't take long to answer at all. He promptly responded. And he bellowed all over.
"Easily!" Jordan responded in a very similar way to his previous words, in spite of there being a much longer delay the time before. Justin couldn't help but chuckle when he heard this and it caused him to look down and share those noises with me which felt good. Our shoulders ended up close to our ears in amusement. The yellow haired male didn't share the laughter, though he did smirk. Then, he rethought his words while somehow managing to lightly scratch across his chest as he held his five, full bags. "Well… Maybe not that much. But a huge sum, I would say. They deserve it."
The deep purple haired male and I shared a look with one and other all over again and it resulted in us nodding our heads. Although we had been laughing before, we did quieten down in order to agree. Yes, it was always good to support small businesses and friendly ones at that. Though of course, perhaps Jordan was one of the reasons that it had stopped being such a small business!
It felt even better when as the three of us continued walking; Justin and I shared yet another look all over again and mysteriously smirked together. We wordlessly looked at one and other as we shared these thoughts together. Then after Justin looked over at the older and broader male all over again instead of lingering that moment with me, I found myself smiling to myself for a different reason.
It was nice to feel closer to him again. I hardly held it against him but sometimes it could be hard to feel a continuous, consistent connection with him from the way he was often hundreds of miles away from home and in all directions when he was off touring. He led such an exciting life. He led such an unfathomable life at times. So it was nice to fathom him out a bit more.
I easily found myself able to admit that I enjoyed having him around for a longer period of time. It was often the case for him to take Christmas away from that crazy life of his so it was most welcomed when he decided to extend it for various reasons. Home looked good on him. Mischief did as well. I welcomed that added morsel of mischief that he had been exuding with Jordan there and then and on that day.
Moments like that had become fewer and far between with everything that had been going on in his crazy, personal life. So I simply made the most of it. I made the most of the deep purple haired male's presence and the yellow haired male's one too. I made the most of feeling good in that little trio.
I didn't hesitate to smile almost as soon as Jordan opened his mouth all over again, ready to continue the conversation.
"I'm sure that there have been occasions when I've been spending less time and money there. And I'm sure that there have been occasions when I've been spending more time and money there!" Jordan announced and the deep purple haired male shared his immediate reaction, his hands sliding into the pockets of his ultra-skinny jeans while holding the couple of bags, smirking to himself. He didn't share it with me, though. He didn't look at me that time. However, I got the impression that it flashed across his mind that Jordan seemed to always be buying from there, whether it was winter or summer. The yellow haired male didn't mean this, though. He spoke of such. "It's always crazy when Eli comes to town. If there's anyone who will get out of actually cooking their own food sooner than even me, then it will be him. That guy loves that place almost as much as me."
I wasn't lying when I said that the eldest Morgan son had become a little more unfathomable in recent months and this was down to a lot of tour dates crammed into a short time as well as things that were going on away from life on stage. He had managed not to revert back to when he was an utterly unreadable teenager, though!
Even so, there were things about him that were hard to trace and hard to put your finger on. It had started when he took a month or so off from his crazy tour life in the middle of summer and picked somewhere new to hopefully make the music that he wanted to continue making. And it was ever closer to me in mind's eye the more that I almost overheard conversations that definitely weren't for me to be hearing.
But still, I could never quite put my finger on anything solid.
The deep purple haired male didn't exactly have an eye-catching and negative reaction to the words that came out of the yellow haired male's mouth. But like I said about the eldest Morgan son in general, there was something I couldn't quite come to a concrete conclusion.
I was left greatly intrigued when Justin didn't say a single thing at all in response to Jordan's words but his fingers seemed to slip out of his pockets before hooking onto the outside of them for comfort. He pressed his lips together. No politeness appeared. No dimple appeared. Maybe it did, but it was continually disguised by his blue hoodie hood.
I couldn't help but feel that there was no dimple that appeared. There was no desire for politeness.
Jordan continued speaking words, whether Justin had lost interest or not.
"I'll tell you this much, I like to think that it was my family that got Eli into that sort of food but no doubt could he overtake me when it comes to loving that sort of thing!" Jordan spoke to himself and Jordan laughed to himself. I wanted to laugh alongside him at the fondness that was in his throat and decorating the words that came tumbling out. But for some reason, almost my entire gaze was focused on Justin. It was focused on the way that his two front teeth had very subtly sunk into his bottom lip. In fact, I could've sworn that his eyelashes threatened to twitch when Jordan continued talking about his cousin a third time. "Eli is a lot like your dad in a way, you know? Sometimes I think if you're raised on the most prepared and thought-out foods then you oddly end up craving the more common kind. I don't know. What do you think?"
I was encouraged to glance between the two of them and I watched the yellow haired male look blankly over to the deep purple haired male. And of course in return, the deep purple haired male's expression was equally blank, though it showed off a furrow of a brow which Jordan's lacked.
While Misty's father's look while asking a bit of a rhetorical question came down to looking over at the younger male and out of habit too, rather than wanting to look into his eyes and properly converse - Justin's was of something else entirely.
At first, I couldn't quite figure it out. For a rare moment in my life, though I had studied humans on a great number of occasions, when it came to Justin I was getting no indication to what his expressions and his blankness meant.
I could only go by what I knew. And I could only go by the characteristics of his face that I saw.
His lips pressed together and his teeth sunk into his lower lip, like he was trying to conceal words and all sorts of things as if they were beginning to bubble and brew. His brow was furrowed together. It was like he was trying to cast his mind away from certain things. His cheeks that were just poking out from being adorned in the hoodie hood were equally as flushed as they were pale.
I believed that his pink cheeks very much could have been warmth at being wrapped up like that for so long. Yet when it came to the other two things, I couldn't work them out at all for a single second. There were far too many possibilities.
I couldn't decide why he swallowed and looked down at the pavement and his feet as he walked either.
Jordan didn't bother guessing. Jordan didn't bother deciding either. In actuality, I was pretty sure that Jordan hadn't even seen.
Instead, the yellow haired male went back to speaking all over again. I found it most peculiar when Justin smiled as soon as the first syllable was spoken. Though straight away, I knew that it wasn't the contented kind of smile. It was a whole other beast.
"That's what I reckon anyway. It's always a great time when Eli comes to town and we get to eat great food. I hope we can do it again sometime soon." Jordan spoke to himself and he concluded. Though I cannot for the life of me remember how he looked as he uttered all of this.
I do remember how he sounded. But not a great deal of it.
You see, his words seemed to float out of his mouth and get lost, bubbling all around me and sounding very hazy indeed. This was because I was still focusing on Justin. I was drawn to Justin. I was trying to fathom out Justin.
As the deep purple haired male continued smiling in the most out of place way, I almost believed I heard his words echoing around my brain. I was certain that I was making things up. But nevertheless, I trusted my gut instinct that I was at least right about some of them if not most of them – even if Justin was thinking of them in his own, different words.
As the eldest Morgan son continued smiling, he silently imagined himself having a great many reactions to the fact that Jordan had taken them down a path of conversation that he wasn't exactly feeling the gladdest about.
Justin imagined stopping the smile from overtaking his lips and evening out instead, before uttering words that prompted a subject change in such an easy-going and unconscious way that Jordan would think nothing of it, simply going along with it.
Justin imagined solely going along with the conversation like it didn't bother him at all, even though it made a very uncomfortable and engulfing sensation begin in the pit of his stomach and travel up through all of his organs before finally seeking refuge in his throat.
Justin imagined putting his fish and chip shop bags down on the pavement and walking off, not even saying a single word.
The yellow haired male continued talking and because this part was reality, all the words seemed far off and hazy and bubbly, to me as well as the deep purple haired male.
But it was certain – it was absolutely certain – that Jordan was continuously talking with great fondness about his cousin.
"For god's sake will you stop talking about Eli?!" were words that Justin imagined saying. But the way that Jordan's head abruptly turned and his eyebrows raised and my eyes almost widened out of my skull showed that they weren't just thoughts. These were not words that Justin simply imagined saying. He actually came out with them.
And no sooner had they thunderously escaped his lips at last and thunder that couldn't even be concealed by his hoodie seemed to clap over his features, making his angular profile appear harsh and untameable rather than soft and adaptable like usual, a hitch took over Justin's throat.
Something else clapped. It was his hand over his mouth. He wasn't trying to tug back all of the words that he had exploded with. He was trying to grab back just one of the words that had fired out.
Justin tried to take back the name for himself. Justin tried to take back the name. Justin tried to take back the man that he had loved in secret.
Though of course, for some, it wasn't wholly a secret.
A mighty contrast in reaction happened when it came to the yellow haired male. While my eyes watered with not only the fact that they had been so wide open for so long but watered with a memory – and a very real and haunting possibility too - Jordan went up against the eldest Morgan son's utterly unexpected outburst with a chilling silence.
I knew for a fact that it wasn't the February wind that had picked up and started to crawl along the bare skin of most of us that made everything feel so cold and hollow. It was the silence that ensued.
Justin's hand then shaking as it continued brushing against his own lips; he finally encouraged his digits to go down. Then the rest of his body and his being did this as well. His gaze promptly dropped to the dead and crusty leave decorated path. His shoulders seemed to sink down into the earth. His neck craned downwards and it looked as though his forehead could somehow plant against his shoes.
He looked as though he wanted the ground beneath him to swallow him whole. After his mood had gone from so easy-going to caught up in a metaphorical spiders web, he seemed as though he wanted to disappear from the earth. Maybe Justin had never noticed these sort of paradoxical traits within Jordan. Because he plain and simply shared a degree of them too in his most uncertain times.
That silence only continued. I forced myself to blink slowly and my gaze wordlessly looked between the both of them. Though the silence had stopped us in so many ways, it didn't stop us from walking. We continued doing so. Granted it was a slow, almost snail's pace, but we moved forward nonetheless.
I was a little bit surprised when at long last, Jordan's mouth moved at long last. I knew that he had to end up reacting in some way. But to tell you the truth, that moment seemed so different from reality that parts of me wondered whether it actually was.
But no, it was reality. That moment had happened. That outburst had happened. We were in the aftermath of it. Jordan at last addressed the explosion. He finally came to a halt as well.
Although the younger, slimmer framed male (who was looking even slighter by each second that passed) didn't look at him, Jordan spoke back to him, his body turning towards him.
The yellow haired male uttered in an even, faultless and level voice. His voice was bordering on a whisper as he spoke.
"Just because you got rid of him from your life, doesn't mean that I want to pretend that he doesn't exist as well." Jordan murmured plainly and I believed it was the utter emotionlessness and stillness of his voice that caused Justin to have a far different kind of eruption. He erupted into a continuously frozen state.
Misty's father's voice was not mad. His voice was not sad. It just was what it was. And this undeniable plain and simple-ness, I believe, is what caused the deep purple haired male to continue faltering.
Justin didn't utter a word. Justin didn't utter a tear. Justin didn't utter anything for a good while. Not even a trickle of liquid. Not even a syllable. Not even an expression. He himself remained still. But unlike the older male, he was robotic. It was like he was holding everything together, begging for every little thing to remain inside.
No wonder he had been so difficult to get close to the usual degree to, for me and a handful of others. Because, the truth was, he had got used to and trained himself to be that way. That was how he moved forward. That was how he coped. That was how he moved forward and he coped when he had split himself apart from Eli.
But of course, I'm sure you know and I definitely do as well, the more that you try to hide things and bury them and act like they're not there – the more that they jump out. They jump out at the most horrendous occasions and in the most horrendous way. Justin exploding at Jordan was living proof of this.
Putting a bit of a lump in my throat, really, when I thought of this and exactly this, the deep purple haired male lifted his head a little in order to make the briefest eye contact with the yellow haired male. Because he was looking right back at him in the middle of the second, long silence, Jordan saw almost everything in that gaze.
In that uncertain and vulnerable and most importantly, heartbroken, gaze – even though he didn't manage to say a single word - the yellow haired male understood just how much he regretted it.
Letting out the briefest of sighs instead of saying anything himself, the older and broader male accepted his apology.
He started walking again. Jordan started walking again. Justin was encouraged to do the same thing. He almost tripped over his long and lanky legs out of the utter uncertainty of how to proceed. He didn't want to look to the older male for what to do but he felt himself being guided by him all the same. Justin felt himself being guided by Jordan whether he wanted to be or not, especially with the words that eventually came from him next.
In between the moments of a hefty silence and in that hushed-ness, Justin not bothering to argue against his words, explosively or otherwise, Jordan breathed out. As Jordan breathed out, some words came out of him. They were indeed breathy. But they were comprehensible all the same.
"You… You still really care about it all, don't you?" Jordan spoke out against the wind but his words did not get carried away by it even though the three of us all continued walking, somehow, the yellow haired male scuffed his shoe purposefully against the pavement below like he had stopped, thinking. More words came tumbling out, ones that he too couldn't hold back. "After all this time…"
The deep purple haired male's head bowed. As I looked at him, I reminded myself of the time that I had heard him and the deep violet haired male discussing things behind a closed door that seemed to speak of the true closeness that they had once shared.
I understood that my conclusions about certain things weren't always that far out. I had felt in my heart that the two of them had lived together for more than just Justin making music.
The more that time passed; it became apparent that Justin had felt in his own heart things for Eli that was so very real and true. But there and then and presented in front of me was bitterness. There was plain and simple bitterness. Anger. Regret. Hurt. That's what I had seen when Justin had exploded.
He had tried to keep it from everyone. He had tried to keep it from himself. But he had exploded. It had happened. And like I said, we were in the aftermath.
When I heard Jordan's latter words floating through my ears and with each word that was heard, everything got a great deal less hazy, a part of me believed that all of the more negative emotions that were taking up Justin's heart rather than love would be shown all over again.
But I would soon enough be shown to be wrong. I wasn't surprised with the other silence that happened. I wasn't surprised with Justin's eyes looking firmly back down at the ground all over. But I was surprised by the words that eventually came from him.
Eventually is a bit of an understatement. I can't tell you how many minutes passed but it was a good few of them at least. We continued walking a good while. Leaves crunching beneath our feet and many street signs being passed, yes, lots of time definitely passed as well.
But words evidently formulated in Justin's mind and like he couldn't hold back his eruption before, he couldn't deny these words the opportunity of escaping either. He didn't hold them back. Eventually they were on the tip of his tongue. Then they were out in the open.
With shoulders almost up towards his ears as if this was an attempt to protect whatever was left of his stitched together heart, Justin very much mumbled back.
"Truthfully… I care more about the way his absence has left me behaving…" the deep purple haired male told the yellow haired male and I had always known the former as the type of person who didn't say anything unless they meant it. Jordan too for that matter.
But the point is I knew that Justin was being honest without having to look at him. But then gazing over at him and seeing his self that was naturally robotic in order to protect was trying to loosen himself up a bit to make up for the harsh loudness had he had exuded moments before, I saw such a touching honest streak.
He felt unable to be honest about certain things. Out of hurt. Out of fear. Weirdly, out of loyalty, too. But what he did feel able to be honest about, I knew that he would grab the opportunity by the horns. Even if it was in the most subtle and even feeble, helpless way.
Maybe Jordan did too. Truly, maybe Jordan did too. I couldn't tell if he saw certain parts of himself in the younger male who was his best friend's son. I couldn't tell if there was a desire to protect him that was questionable to him but undeniable all the same. I couldn't really tell what Jordan saw or was thinking when he looked over at him, slowly continuing walking and trying to accept parts of himself – and parts of his life – that he couldn't make sense of at all.
That was until the yellow haired male uttered the words that came next. Then I knew.
"Do you want to talk about it…?" the yellow haired male asked and these words came so pure and plain and how exactly they were meant to be that one thing that Justin couldn't resist doing was glancing over at him. He had tried to stop himself from doing so many things but that was one moment in the last few minutes that there was no resistance at all.
The deep purple haired male looked over at Jordan and he knew. I did too. If there was one person that you could tell all of your troubles to then it was absolutely Jordan Williams.
Strong and resilient he was. A wonderful listening ear. A blunt person to hear the answers from too. Yes, Jordan had the bluntest and most honest streak a man could have. So when he offered to lend an ear or a hand, you knew that it was because he wanted to. It was because he cared. He merely wouldn't have uttered these words otherwise.
And in spite of the fact that a concealed glossiness took over Justin's eyes as he had to look away all over again, he somehow managed to answer promptly. He answered in a shaky voice. He answered quickly. But not in a guarded manner. He answered with the truth back and he swallowed.
"No. No, I don't want to talk about it at all…" Justin replied and a bit more coarseness came, surely out of habit and that natural human urge to survive. To survive anything, even heartbreak. I finally moved to be more evenly between them for the first time that day as we walked. I took turns in glancing between them as well. As I looked, I saw Jordan nodding his head without hesitation as well. All the same, more words from the younger male came. He still didn't look at Jordan and I wondered why this was. I felt maybe it was due to the slight snapping that had come yet again. But still, his cheek turned a bit towards him. His cheek turned and looked at him even if his eyes didn't. He quietly explained. "I… I've got good at keeping everything back after feeling way too much. Besides… We agreed not to speak of it again… And… And you're his cousin."
My vision switched back to Jordan when I heard his familiar voice booming. That louder tone of his came back, and it did so hardly any seconds after Justin finished his own sentences.
"So?" Jordan asked and though the deep purple haired male still didn't look right at him, his cheek swivelled to him even further, indicating of his surprise at the sudden outburst. The yellow haired male went silent and frowned silently to himself as he was encouraged to think about this. And most likely think of the confusion that he was beginning to feel as well. Even if he knew more than me, he still didn't have all of the answers. Far from it. Nevertheless, he didn't think on it for long. To tell you the truth, his loudness had just been sincerity. "So…? I may be his cousin but that doesn't mean I'm blind to what happened between the two of you. And it doesn't mean I'll take sides either. As for never saying a word on it ever again…? Never going to happen, dude…"
I was caught off guard all over again. I was caught off guard by this being the moment that Justin found it within himself to look his father's best friend straight in the eye. And look in his past love interest's cousin's eye, too.
Despite the fact that I was caught off guard, it didn't take me more than a second or two to understand why it was this that had encouraged him so. It was the bluntness. It was the honesty. In truth, this was everything that both Justin and Eli lacked when it came to the two of them.
So it was almost bittersweet that it was this that made the deep purple haired male feel able to face up to everything and the yellow haired male at least for a little bit. It was evidently a trait that he admired. It was a trait that he had. It was just usually more apparent in song-form. And would take a bit more nurturing to show itself in everyday life.
The eldest Morgan son continued looking at his father's best friend for quite some time and it was only in hindsight that I found it just a little bit peculiar. I wondered why he was feeling such a steadiness as he looked into the equally fixed gaze of Jordan when it could most certainly remind him of that person that he had lost in love.
I still don't know why it almost composed him. And I still don't know why it almost propelled him. It propelled him to a bit more of the truth. Though he tried to hold back, the more that he continued looking into the fixating yet kind and fair sea green orbs of the man who was practically family to him, the more that he felt the urge.
Justin couldn't stop the urge. With a sigh, he looked away. But with a sigh, he still managed to say.
"You not being blind to what happened and being his cousin is the reason that I definitely don't want to talk about it." Justin admitted and there was a strange edge to his voice and I was forced to blink as I tried to work it out. And then I realised. It was an oncoming… jokey quality? It was hardly there at all. It was just a mere fraction. But his eyes swivelled back to Jordan a bit too. It was undeniable. Nonetheless, he shook his head and tried again, with another, more serious sigh. "No need to doubt me. I… It really is the best to keep everything back… After everything… I can prove to him that I can keep quiet at the very least."
For the first time, I wasn't surprised by the reaction that came next. For the first time, I wasn't surprised by the sigh that escaped Jordan's lips and caused them to quirk upwards and not in an amused way as he shook his head.
To tell you the truth, I knew hardly anything about the ins and the outs of Justin and Eli in comparison to the yellow haired male. I merely had my suspicions. And I had a few accounts of the repercussions. Yet the latter thing in particular to me spoke of the sheer volume of what was once felt between the two of them.
That being said, I still understood Jordan's reaction when it came from him. The deep purple haired make was prompted to turn to the side all over again and even furrow his brow and blink a little bit too. Jordan sighed loudly. Jordan reacted obviously. He did one last obvious thing and held his hands up.
And then he came out with words. It was his turn to be unable to stop them. That mouth quirk of his continued and he showed his disbelief about everything by grinning in exasperation. Nevertheless, he didn't dare gesture this feeling with a single word from his lips. Instead he asked:
"Can I ask you just one thing, then?" Jordan questioned faultlessly and understandably, Justin looked very reluctantly and nervously. With everything that the yellow haired male knew, it was anybody's guess what he was going to come out with!
But perhaps in the same way that Justin strangely felt like he owed Eli… at least something. It was rather likely that Justin felt that he owed Jordan after exploding at him. I would go on to learn that it was exactly that – but it was something else too.
After a while, Justin granted Jordan with permission by a nod of the head. But, he was always going to give him this eventually. The deep purple haired male's compliance was slow. Going along with the same demeanour, the yellow haired male's words took their time to come as well.
I understood that without having to think too much on it or stare for too long. Jordan never really felt it his place to get into people's business unless they asked. And, you see, the deep purple haired male had never asked for advice when it came to the deep violet haired male. And so, it was never bestowed. I had no doubt in my mind, though, that he would be there in a heartbeat if it was requested.
I glanced upwards as we walked and I forced myself not to be distracted by the wind that had picked up all over again, and was causing leaves to swirl around us. I focused my eyes on Jordan and like I had once done to Justin during that day, and I imagined all the thoughts that were bubbling around his brain so very clearly that I very much felt certain that I was correct.
As I looked at Misty's father, I heard it all ringing through my ears. The urge to ask Justin if he truly felt love for Eli in his heart – back when they were together and even after their brutal break up that I sensed. The desire to ask him if he still thought about him, and had to fight back the urge to contact him like he had to resist the urge from feeling too much for him. The inclination to ask him if he would change anything.
That was the one that won, and Jordan came out with this in different words. If anyone knew the most about how regret could be the hardest part of any loss, then it was absolutely Jordan.
A sigh escaping from his mouth all over again, he breathed out these words with the same force yet enveloping gentleness of the wind.
"Do you have regrets about anything?" the yellow haired male asked softly and as my gaze switched to Justin for yet another time, it felt almost inappropriate for me to continue watching because what flickered through his gaze was far too personal.
Even though I got the impression that all of these things merely only dashed across his eyes and didn't even dream of entering his heart – for it simply wasn't the time – I could see them clear as day. I swallowed myself. I believed that he regretted a good many things.
I imagined them and at the time, I couldn't be certain at all because I really only had my instincts to rely on rather than truth that had been told to me. But looking back, I believe, that I really could have been right.
When a response from Justin finally came, he shook his head although his eyes glistened, wordlessly expressing a different answer. Jordan definitely caught on to this and I knew he did based on the fact that another sigh came from him. A bewildered grin could not form, though. And an eye roll couldn't be produced. There was not enough time.
Justin started to speak of words that contradicted his gaze and his head shake.
"I suppose… Now that I think of it, there could be the one thing." The deep purple haired male began and I couldn't help but believe that it was this matter-of-factness that caused the yellow haired male to surprisingly interject him for the first time.
Jordan eventually showed off this eye roll of his and he paired it with a frown before reaching across after putting a couple of bags down for the very first time, attempting to clumsily yet deliberately brush Justin's hood down away from his face.
He addressed his own action with words.
"Take this thing down before you say it, man. I gotta hear you." The yellow haired male stated equally as steadily and after I took a step back as they lingered on the pavement, me loitering near the bags that Jordan put down, I couldn't help but feel that I was seeing right through him, even if I wasn't seeing completely all the way through Justin and wouldn't for a while.
The deep purple haired male's hood being up hadn't been a problem for that entire conversation – not even through the outburst. So at once, I understood why those words had occurred. Maybe Justin caught onto it as well.
No, of course he did. Someone who felt so much as he and someone so sensitive and articulate and observant when it came to the little things most definitely did. For the first time that occasion, he rolled his eyes back. He did look mildly annoyed. But he complied all the same. Once he had tugged his hoodie down from around his face, it became all the more obvious why he had been brushed the wrong way.
His eyes dropped downwards. He put his own bags down on the ground and he moved a hand to run through his own hair before tousling it. He was exposed. His former love interest used to wear a hoodie in the exact same way and it being taken down while having to speak of him felt pretty painful.
But it had been asked of it. So he did it.
And not only this, but maybe he trusted Jordan's instinct as his own. He felt compelled enough to at least give it a go. And nonetheless, he found himself able to look at the yellow haired male after a couple of moments, even without the blue hood encapsulating his face.
The deep purple haired male's toes danced in his boots. He remained silent for a little while longer. He didn't have to trace over any of his own fingers. The emptiness and the memory were felt without even looking at his digits, let alone stroking them.
"I… I regret that bloody ring. Not because I wish I hadn't made a vow to him… Not even because of the damage it caused… And definitely not because I want to pretend he or any of it doesn't exist…" Justin paused and encouraged his bottom lip into the rest of his mouth by biting on it. The yellow haired male of course allowed him this time to be silent, to be thoughtful. It didn't last too long. A differing opinion to one of Jordan's initial points had been at last presented. A bit of truth had been encouraged out of him. And for the time being, he couldn't stop. It felt so strange. Justin threatened to smile. But then his mouth threatened to droop downwards in the complete opposite way. He spoke solemnly of the ring shared between him and the Unovan male and the promise they had made each other - and the way that it had turned into a weapon following their break up. "I just wish I had kept a closer eye on it… Like the two of us, that fell off the face of the earth as well."
Another hefty and hollow silence fell over all of us. Although unlike the last time, we at least had that unspoken shared unity that things were being revealed, even if it was just for the one time or at least not again for a long time.
That didn't mean that the silence didn't put a feeling in all of our chests, though. It goes without saying that there was certainly heaviness in Justin's, and a ripping too. That break up was still so fresh. It was still so raw. He had cracked on with the person that he felt destined to be with. But that in itself had its ups and downs. Truly. That had ups and downs that Justin never would have expected round the corner.
I guessed that Jordan had heaviness in his chest too, though I couldn't be sure. As I looked over him, he looked unfaltering and as steady as he had done at the very beginning of the conversation. Even so, I knew him with a big enough heart to feel things. It was just whether he shared the heaviness within Justin's beginning there and then or he would at a later time.
As for me? Well, I felt all kinds of things. I felt a heaviness, yes. But contrasting that utterly, I felt lightness. I felt questionably ecstatic that I had been correct to sense the love in Justin and Eli's hearts for one and other even if he had seemed to have vanished and grown bitter. And it wasn't because I loved being right!
I simply felt that if it had been sensed by me, then it had at least been a little bit true. Whether they denied it or not. Despite the hurt or betrayal or simply feeling too much that it scared them, I believed that there was something there. And that in itself was something to be ecstatic about.
I felt all kinds of things. I felt ups. I felt downs. The most important thing that I felt was closeness, though. I felt closeness to the humans around me. I felt saddened by their pain a lot of the time. But in other times, as well, I felt it to be inspiring. Experiencing all kinds of emotions whether heavy or freeing or aggravating or enjoyable was what made them human. And it was a wonderful thing for them to have humanity. And true to themselves as well.
Eventually, the more that I focused on the two guys on either side of me, the more that I stopped focusing on myself. And that was for good. Because Jordan stopped focusing on being silent. Or rather, Jordan stopped feeling the need to be silent.
Not thinking too much into it at all, words and actions at last came from him. His smile – his grin – utterly died down. His sincerity didn't though. His clumsiness didn't either! The time came to address Justin's nearing earnest yet emotion filled words. Jordan nudged his shoulder against Justin's and almost knocked him flying again.
"Well… There's one person who has the answers to every little question that you have and it's not me. But I know that you know that. And I know that you know that if you really wanted to know, then you would open your mouth in a heartbeat… You can't tell me you're not capable. The same with you and him together, if you felt that it was completely right then you would act upon it." The yellow haired male spoke rather solemnly in contrast to his endearingly (partially accidental) actions from seconds before. His shoulder didn't linger against Justin's after bashing against his but his hand went there instead.
In between Justin's eyes flicking downwards then towards Jordan and then downwards a couple of times over, I heard the words "it's more complicated than that" as if they had been spoken. They had not. Somehow, Jordan suspected them too. Whether he understood that point of view or not. He showed support all the same with a shoulder squeeze to the younger male. He showed the younger male all the same with a shoulder squeeze to him.
As the bone in his shoulder was caringly compressed, the deep purple haired male uttered just one word. Only one word escaped his lips. And it was telling all in his own way.
"Maybe." Justin said, and then he made himself smile. He didn't glance down at the hold that Jordan had on him. He didn't look at him either. Nor did he look at me. Nor did he look at the ground. The deep purple haired male looked straight ahead. He looked at nothing in particular. That's how the both of us knew.
He wasn't looking at anything. He wasn't thinking about anything. He wasn't saying any well-thought out words. He was just feeling everything.
And because of this, Jordan decided to speak just one last time. He wasn't trying to deter him. He wasn't trying to bundle him up, and shut him up all over again. Maybe he just sensed that the feelings were so all over the place that they weren't worth feeling until a more practical time.
Whatever the reason, the yellow haired male acted with a great deal of care. And it wasn't because this was an act at all. It was nothing but the truth and the whole truth. For you see, Jordan really did guide Justin. More than anyone was aware of. More than he himself was even aware of.
The sea green orbed male squeezed his shoulder once last time. And then he mock-punched him lightly in the side of his chiselled, hollowed out jaw.
"Let's get you home, kid." The yellow haired male spoke to the deep purple haired male and it was those words that got me more than any of the ones that I heard that I thought the most of during that day. And I certainly thought about them more and more as not only did Jordan proceed to wrap his arm loosely but firmly around the male with the much slimmer frame, but before that he took all of the bags to hold too.
In retrospect, I think about all kinds of things. What pops into my mind most is the simple word that Justin uttered. "Maybe". That simple and that plain and that blasted word. It seemed to agonisingly sum up all of the uncertainty when it came to the former love interests that were Justin and Eli.
Maybe they would work things out. Maybe they felt too much. Maybe they spoke too little. Maybe they promised too much. Maybe they could see each other again. Maybe they would never see each other at all.
Everything was so uncertain for the longest time. One thing was certain, though. Justin may not recognise it until time had passed and things stopped being so sore, but the finding of Jordan could have come from the loss of Eli. He may have lost one cousin but had found another.
But the truth was Jordan was there more than he thought. He was always there, you see. Jordan Williams wasn't simply an angel to many. And he wasn't just a guardian to many either. He was both of these things and he was both of these things combined to Justin.
He was always going to end up okay, wasn't he? He was always going to end up with both Williams' in his life, wasn't he? Jordan didn't like to take too much into his own hands. But that was something that he was absolutely going to see happen if it was meant to be. And thankfully, it was. Maybe it was down to Jordan's guidance. Or maybe down to his lack of it!
Whatever the details, I was glad it turned out the way it was meant to at long last. And I was glad to see Justin that bit more clearly and for good. He had reached the place of being okay with being seen. And it made people able to follow suit. Yes, including Eli. But that is another tale to come at another time.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 This chapter definitely focuses on things I will go more into next year I expect. The true brutal-ness following their break up. And how Justin really does try to keep his feelings hidden - just like how Eli wanted their relationship to me. It's been mentioned before and it was mentioned in this one here. Yes, there was a ring. They were that in love. Hence the pain when they break apart! I really enjoyed writing Jordan in this chapter. He is absolutely a person you want around to listen to you. But be prepared for some straight up bluntness too :P Thanks again and I will be back on the 28th to update The Diary of Rey so see you then!
Amy signing out :)