Hello, it is Wednesday and I am back with a new story! Well, last week we had a bit of a Jorginho and a James number and this week is the dynamic of two of their relatives. This story tackles Justin and Sammy, and as the tale will go on to show, things are a little uneasy for them because Justin and Eli are getting married. But before we see how they discuss that, there's some quite sweet bits about the parenthood of them both, as well as the role their nanny, Lucy, plays in their lives :) I hope you enjoy!
Ages:
Justin: 31
Sammy: 37
Darcy: 10
Zack: 8
Lucy: 36
Disclaimer: I own the story and OCs mentioned!
Although their expressions didn't alter an inch to portray this, I'm told that both Justin and Sammy felt a weight lifting from their shoulders when they were not left alone for much longer. Pleasantries had been exchanged easily enough and Justin had nonchalantly touched the top of his own scalp when he stepped into the home of the father of his three children.
However, just a split second of silence hinted that it would grow ever more if given the chance. Pupils inside eye sockets flickered a touch more than usual and mouths just didn't seem to relax like before. And when they fleetingly looked at one and other, they acted as though they were going to utter the same small talk as only seconds before, as if these words had not already been spoken.
Thankfully, before things became too obviously awkward, the two of them did share a bit of an out of place chuckle but then the entryway suddenly felt a lot more alive. As if a light had been switched on or a merry-go-round had started up, moments before were left in the past.
Two children bounded to greet their dad in the home of their papá, making things as they usually were. Immediately, Justin bent down to a level as if they were the same height as when they first were fostered by he and Sammy, his feet still clad in boots that he hadn't bothered to kick off.
"Well the two of you are looking in high spirits this morning." He commented, only just able to finish his sentence for his stomach was suddenly preyed upon, an eight year old boy colliding with it as he ran to hug him. "…Very, very high spirits."
Though their eye contact continued behaving as if they were watching an invisible tennis match, Justin and Sammy did manage to focus as Justin added, both of them inwardly knowing that this wasn't abnormal behaviour, especially for their son.
Zack wriggled energetically against Justin in a half hug, half nuzzle, before leaping away from him, light on his feet for the early morning of June. However, it was actually his older sister by two years, Darcy, who was to answer Justin, a simple nod of the head being conveyed by her mature self.
"We're going to Grandad James and Nanny Jessie's." she told him but of course, he already knew that. Or perhaps, she was explaining to him exactly why they were in such high spirits.
Either way, while Sammy overlooked the scene in his own home, Justin nodded his head like he understood. Because he did. After only just freeing himself from the affection of Zack, his arm reached open wide so he could give Darcy an embrace also. As her own body soon enough pressed up against him, they were both united in the knowing as well as other things.
It was always a joy to go to Jessie and James' house, even if it was frequent that they visited there. They always returned with a nick knack or two and a story from the past and even a funny anecdote of either one of their parents.
And knowing just how much joy their grandparents bought the children, Justin was soon enough alive with the same sensation – for he felt similarly for his own parents and the comforting albeit offbeat presence that both of them had blessed him with over the course of his life.
He finally pulled away from his children long enough to stand back up to his full height, the off-centre line of his parting feeling his touch again as though he was eighteen once more and a fedora hat resided there.
"Oh, I wonder what they have in store for the two of you today?" he mused, despite inwardly knowing that his parents probably would go with the flow with their grandchildren. And no doubt would Darcy and Zack receive even more love from Lynne and Jordan as well when they visited that large, shared home.
Not that he really needed to get an extra bit of pep in his step, Zack then appeared as though he could buzz right through the floorboards when he heard Justin's words, his eyes becoming stars as he too wondered what the day would entail.
The one who had always taken the other under her wing, Darcy merely nodded her head in wonder too. But she like her younger brother couldn't prevent her brown eyes from lighting up; knowing full well that she would have wonderful stories to tell both of her parents when the day was through, whether it was in person at bed time or a phone call just after dinner time.
"Maybe your Grandad James will set up a treasure hunt for you, you know, like his own grandparents used to do for him. Wouldn't that be cool?" Sammy joined the conversation at last even if he had remained present the entire time. Absentmindedly, he copied Justin's previous positon of going down to a smaller stature and excitably for his children, holding an arm out to each of them. "I only wish I could be there too. But we've got important business to attend to with Layla."
Zack and Darcy found themselves clinging onto their tattoo etched papá and relishing in his embrace as if they hardly saw him at all which couldn't have been further from the truth. They were lucky to see them equal amounts each week, their schedule planned out in a perfect balance.
I'm sure that it must've put a bit of a nostalgic pang – or perhaps an awkward one – for Justin to hear just how much of his own family's past still lingered in the mind of the man who was his ex-boyfriend, even if he hardly referred to him as such.
But fortunately, Justin's expression became sentient all over again in not much time at all, feeling Darcy and Zack in Sammy's embrace looking over at him expectantly, waiting for a comment from him too.
This made his expression become like a summer's day once again.
"Ah yes, parent-teacher day is an occasion to behold." He mused, mostly to himself because his sentence was quite a mouthful for children the age that Darcy and Zack were! Still, their own grins widened like they perfectly understood. "I'm sure we will be informed at what antics your little sister has got herself into."
And because Justin shared a wide mouthed look with Darcy at that point and Sammy did with Zack, it was as though those two fathers were grinning knowingly right at each other. They were unified still even if they were no longer that way in in a partnership like they were once upon a time. And nothing could ever bring that to a close.
In hindsight and as I recall this tale, a smile tugs at my own lips. While Justin and Sammy's biological child was certainly not an intentionally mischief-making little girl, she certainly had her own way about doing things! Exactly like the Kanto-native of her father's, she could not be told what to do and she could not be told how to think.
And just like Sammy too, rebellion ran in her veins peppered with an added dash of being a people pleaser. She melted the hearts of teachers and students alike with that smile of hers but also infuriated them with her hard to pin down nature!
Parent-teacher days actually were an occasion to behold as far as Layla Taylor-Morgan was concerned. But it just filled Justin and Sammy with pride. They had raised a girl who was her own person. And they couldn't be more thrilled.
It would've been a good addition in that moment for Zack's blunt-self to pipe up something or other about his little sister when a silence started to befall not only the parents but the whole gang in the entry-way as well. The children had since left Sammy's arms and were being looked down at by two full heights.
Darcy could've piped up in equal measures, her astute nature gathering that someone needed to put forth words and she should be the one to do it. Nevertheless, she did not. Though her own gaze starting to sway between both Justin and Sammy, she could not think of a single thing to say. And it could've caused her anxiety if it lingered any longer.
As luck would have it, Justin took it upon himself to resume things to smooth sailing and he prompted him and Sammy's children to be ready for a day of fun.
"Is there anything that you're bringing to Nanny and Grandad's other than yourselves?" he asked, copying his daughter's flickering eye contact but sending concentrative pupils of his between Darcy and Zack rather than himself and Sammy.
She was encouraged into action. A glossiness in her eyes that was then not excitable anticipation but something else entirely, she remembered the drawing that she had done for both of her grandparents that she left on the kitchen counter top.
Immediately when she hurried on her way to go and fetch it, both men knew exactly what she was doing and Sammy, whose orbs longed to pace up and down, managed to restrain himself and send an easy-going glance down to the boy with practically static omitting from the balls of his feet.
Even so, his tattoo dotted arms hugged over his chest since he had no children – or no lover – to embrace.
"Have you not got anything special to take with you?" he addressed Zack, referring to the way that Darcy had painstakingly been awake the night before a little bit of time past her bed time, determined to get the masterpiece of a drawing done to be ready for both her grandparents.
It was true that Zack was determined in other areas but he wasn't quite so quick to do things out of love for other people as his older sister was. And his blunt streak coming out of him that could make anyone in awe that he wasn't actually related to either of his father's, he didn't stop his own arms from folding over his chest and shrugging too.
"I only need to take myself. That's special enough." And with that, his arms fell away from his chest and he began zig-zagging up and down the entryway of Sammy's home, somehow managing not to collide with the piles of school shoes and anything else that young ones often left in their wake.
Sammy and Justin could not stop their eyes from searching for one and other. Both of them in their hearts felt that he got that bluntness from the other and both of them were right! Yet despite the fact that Zack's words had been pretty comical, hints of inward amusement were not shown and unease really threatened to get the better of the scene when both stares dropped back to the child who seemed to have a never-ending supply of vigour.
Yes, it was mind-blowing how he seemed to have the sprightliness of Uncle Jaxon even if they were not biologically related and he had the resilience of Uncle Jorginho without a single drop of shared blood either. No wonder Justin and Sammy couldn't look at each other for all that much longer. So much was still shared between them. They would have to get used to that, though. Because it was never going to go away.
One thing that they did share in that moment was another bout of relief when, in perfect timing, the doorbell rang once again on that sunny morning in June. Like before, it was yet another of the children's caregivers and this time it came in the shape of Lucy, the children's nanny.
Airy as always and with all of the careless grace in the world, the spring-timely haired woman bustled into the home of Sammy and greeted both Justin and Sammy with a hug. In ways that were both equally similar and dissimilar, a wave of unease at the embrace that was shared between her and one of them but it was soon forgotten.
Then pulling away from the slim frame of Justin and speaking her own pleasantries near to his damp hair that was still drying from his morning shower, she greeted Zack. And in the same way that Justin had commented, the first proper sentences that tumbled out of her lips were about the unbridled electricity of the eight year old boy.
"Oh, how I wish I had that energy at not even nine o'clock in the morning." Lucy observed with ease, leaving Sammy's arms to fold over his chest out of habit yet again when she was no longer in his arms and acknowledge his well-maintained eyebrows rising upwards on his face.
She had swanned into his home like someone who was well rested, he thought to himself.
Meanwhile, Justin just chuckled in agreement, watching her go down to a lower level from her full height in her dress that was pretty as the sun speckled day that they would all go on to have, her arm stretching out towards Zack for attention, rather than to hug or stop him from what he was doing.
"Why don't you get your shoes on for me now? I need to stop by the Pokémon Centre and pick up a parcel so we can leave a bit earlier if that sounds good to you and your sister." Lucy spoke to the child, both Sammy and Justin united in their silent thoughts about how prompt she was to slip into care-giving mode.
Looking over at his nanny from playing a solo game of energetic hopscotch, the boy with similar hued eyes to his rich skin gave her such an undoubted look that it could not be denied and it caused Lucy's front to teeth to appear and her to have to use a manicured hand to hide her giggles.
For another time, Sammy's arms fell away from himself and then grew occupied with kneeling down next to Zack also, for a second just lightly and playfully jabbing him with a tattooed decorated hand.
"You are such a monster for looking at Lucy like that!" he told him, referring to the somehow mutually narrowed yet widened stare and risen eyebrows as well as frown lines appearing on the forehead. Then, Sammy's arms were used in a bigger way. He made a sudden lunge for his eight year old son. "Put your shoes on. Show her what a refined young man you can be with your new boots."
And the irony was not lost on Justin and Lucy who did not need to share a look to know they were both thinking about how Sammy was hinting that his son was not refined while holding him upside down in his arms, pretending to shake him!
Quickly after a gasp had escaped the throat of Zack at being so man-handled by one of his dad's, giggles and shrieks then erupted from him as he acted like he didn't appreciate what was being done to him when in fact it was actually the opposite.
Needless to say, Darcy reappeared with her artwork in a protective plastic sheet at the commotion that she heard when Sammy continued to jiggle her brother, even bending down to blow a raspberry on his tummy that became revealed thanks to all of the shakes.
The amusement not being lost on Lucy either as she saw Justin carry on and speak to his daughter with a smile as if what was going on in his peripheral vision was utterly invisible to him. That time not bending down to a shorter height than even her but holding his hand out to her to give her some more affection, his head briefly nodded in the direction of the lady in the floral dress.
"Lucy's here." He told her, his words speaking for themselves, letting it be up to her how she was to greet the presence of their nanny. Once the ten year old girl's with the same exact eyes and skin as her little brother but with an added air of collectedness had nodded her head towards Lucy before accepting Justin's hand, he continued. "Why don't you get your shoes on now, Darcy? You get to have a trip to the Pokémon Centre beforehand as Lucy has a parcel to collect."
And with that, as if both Zack and Darcy were bound by blood to Justin and Sammy after all, the ten year old girl had a completely contrasting reaction to her brother. She didn't speak with words that she was equally as excited to run an errand as she was to see her grandparents but her brown eyes shone from behind and she didn't hesitate to squeeze Justin's hand barely a second after he had started this gesture.
Noticing the girl's inward enjoyment, Lucy's naturally soft expression became all the more like a comfortable pillow and she didn't dream of breaking her away from her father but she would have quite have liked to hold her hand out to her to hold the child's other hand.
But of course, Darcy's left hand was occupied with her carefully made artwork for her grandparents. Lucy last intention was to disturb the scene. She was, however, unable to stop herself from commenting when a few minutes after Sammy had put Zack down and encouraged him to put his boots on that were not too dissimilar to Justin liked to wear, she noticed in between guiding Darcy to tie up her own laces that the eight year old boy's hair had become a touch more unruly.
Knowing that the ten year old girl was perfectly capable of doing her own laces but just liked a watchful eye and encouragement too, Lucy shuffled away from overlooking that activity and moved over to Zack who was then proudly marching up and down on the wooden floor in his boots. A vast difference to the way that he had protested putting them on initially.
"Oh, Master Zack." Lucy's British accented tone spoke, capturing everyone in the room's attention immediately. Justin and Sammy knew that it wasn't ideal for his ego to be referred to as that but refrained from shattering their dynamic and games. "How is it that your hair never stays in one piece?"
And after hearing more of her words, Justin leaned up against a lip of wall that resided near the front door, waiting for his own eyes to feel spring green coloured orbs looking into his with a knowing notion behind them. However, he didn't receive any sort of eye contact at all. From anyone.
Apparently Lucy was oblivious to the fact it was most likely Sammy and his shaking that had ruined his son's hairdo! Or maybe she was completely ignoring it, Justin couldn't tell.
From her full height, Lucy's hand reached down to the top of Zack's head in a motherly way, tracing along his hair braids before shaking her head fondly when one was threatening to explode such sprigs of hair that it was like a rocket on firework night.
Sourly at first, Zack looked up at Lucy. But then she acknowledged that it was her who was caressing his head so fondly, so his expression then became as sweet as sugar.
"I like it like this." He told her with a smile before this expression then faded away again as his own hand reached to run along his head, it becoming perfectly clear that he had not even been aware of his hairstyle becoming undone.
Zack was far more interested in seeing how many hops and skips and jumps he could do in the hall, not how long he could keep a hairstyle.
Justin still with his hand full of Darcy's own one, had a fond smile down at his daughter that was probably meant for Zack but shared with her all the same. Though she didn't return it with her eyes or lips or otherwise, she didn't let go of the hand and swung it gently from side to side, wordlessly relishing in how he showed affection.
Sammy's chest felt the companionship of arms once more but he smiled, his angular face appearing as soft as butter as he watched Lucy and Zack interacting.
Lucy kept her observations about the eight year old boy's fibs to himself, giving him a smile too that was equal parts sugary as it was genuine.
"And I like it as well. I love it." she told him, her fingers slipping from the top of his head to playing with the ends of his braids. But she then added, touching him on the chin with her other hand to encourage him to look at her. "But Katie works hard at doing this for you so you could be a touch more careful, I should think." Spring green orbs met those of a hue of mud on a summer's day. "We might have to stop and see her first to smarten you up for your grandparents."
And in that moment, Zack forgot all reasons to look up at Lucy and smile. All the more of an honest and disagreeing expression took over his face, his features scrunching up as if he had been forced to suck on a hunk of lemon. His arms hung down by his sides, making such a display that it made his shoulders shake.
Darcy immediately looked over at Justin when her little brother was threatening to have the tell-tale signs that he was bordering on having a full on tantrum. She knew that if nobody else stepped in then she would, taking him under her wing in the same way that she once did at just the age of four years old and in foster care.
However, the apple didn't fall too far from the tree even if they were not biologically related. And Justin quickly noticed Zack threatening to ruin an enjoyable day for both he and his sister so he was able to step in with ease.
In retrospect and in secret, I wondered if the years linked with Sammy had given him the practice to diffuse situations such as these.
"Hey." Was the only word that Justin uttered at first, finally dropping Darcy's fingers with a final squeeze before stepping closer to a sulking Zack to get his attention. All eyes were on him then, especially Lucy who was inwardly feeling remorseful that she had caused his expression to grow full of morose. "With any luck, Katie will be hanging around with my dad before work so you can kill two birds with one stone." Justin's expression grew lighter, unintentionally so. "She always pops up there."
If anyone knew Katie like Justin did, then he most likely would be right. And there and then, Lucy had a momentary expression on her face that breathed the words why didn't I think of that. She also privately actually exhaled, relieved that he didn't appear cross that she had almost sent Zack towards one of his famous meltdowns.
Feeling a bunch of eyes on him, Zack didn't exactly know what killing a bird with one stone meant but it sounded pretty cool! So because of that and the natural fair tone that often oozed from Justin, he nodded his head, allowing himself to march towards the front door in his new, refined boots.
Apparently he was ready for the day ahead, even if it meant some errands first!
Sammy didn't speak of the fact that he was relieved that Justin had effortlessly prevented a meltdown from Zack, but it was shown on his face from the way that he watched the boy marching right up towards the door, ready to go. I assume that the reasons that Justin was an expert at diffusing tantrums were lost on him!
Filled with long-term relief that the situation had evaporated easily and she didn't feel that she needed to be guilty for causing such a moment, Lucy offered her hand to that of Darcy as it was not taken up by carefully done artwork.
The ten year old girl didn't hesitate to accept the hold, feeling even gladder that she had done exactly this when Lucy complimented the art that she knew was being carefully treasured, telling her that it was wonderful without even having a clear look at it.
And with that, the nanny led the two children out of the front door to embark on their day that she would oversee. When outside in the early morning sunshine and on the driveway, she dropped Darcy's hand with the intention of picking it back up again and Zack's hand too for their venture to the bus stop to catch a ride to see Jessie and James.
Lucy gave the two fathers space and a chance to say an extra goodbye. She knew that they liked to always give them affection before they had some time apart. Guilt worked in funny ways, and with those two, it made them extremely loving and considerate, making sure that the children knew that they were always in thought, even if they couldn't all see each other every day.
"Tell me all about your day on the phone tonight, yeah?" Sammy asked of the children, at a level shorter than Darcy and just about the same height as Zack if his hair was left bouncy and unruly rather than being braided like it was. "And I'll tell you how we get on with your sister."
Both the children nodded their heads as they were in their papá's arms, giving him an extra special hug because they would not be returning to his house that evening and to the comfort of the beds under Sammy's roof.
However, their embrace was not clingy and their nods not vehement. It seemed as if they were unscathed and they were fine; they had not picked up on the fact that things were a little wobblier than they had been in the past couple of weeks.
When it came to Justin's turn to embrace both of his children and wish them a good day, he hugged them in the same exact way that Sammy had done but without the kisses, in spite of the fact that they would be going home to his house with Eli that evening.
"Say hello to Grandad James and Nanny Jessie for me, please." He spoke to them in a tone of voice that was above their age range but it was well-received by the way that they nodded their heads once again, standing a little taller too as they embraced Justin in return. "I'm sure you'll have loads of fun."
He didn't need to tell them twice but he did anyway. And after he didn't press kisses to their youthful cheeks, he did touch them there each once before he stood back up to his full height once again.
From their equal heights but with distance between them as they stood on opposite ends of the porch, Sammy and Justin watched as Darcy clasped the hand of Lucy all over again and Zack did for the first time before they all headed away from the house and down the street for good.
Both fathers waved and waved and waved – they waved to Darcy and to Zack and to Lucy too until the three of them were out of sight – as if their arms had become robotic and their only function was to sway from side to side. Again out of guilt, parts of them felt like they needed to make very single moment count.
They made every single moment count on the porch and then the endearing sight of the trio disappeared for good. And it was just the two of them left on the porch, a strange tingling sensation beginning to crawl up them from the tips of their toes as they stood there.
They had embraced the same little beings so near to each other but not each other. That subtle buzzing sensation was like a residue of static, the electricity that they once had for each other remaining in their children and still getting a bit of the sensation even after all that time.
To dissipate it or to ignore it, they both turned to one and other and offered each other a close mouthed, polite smile. And then they both headed back indoors. It might have made sense for Justin to head back home in the short – but potentially long – hour between saying goodbye to his other two children and taking the third off to school with Sammy.
But a few nights before, they felt that it was okay for Justin to hang out there. So it would have been weirder for them to bail out of those plans on the day.
"Let me get you a cup of tea while we wait for Layla." Sammy was the first to speak words when they were back in the house yet again and the door had been closed behind them.
Privately apprehensive that he would have to be the one to come up with words to say made Justin answer the father of his children rather hurriedly. He followed Sammy in the direction of the kitchen a bit too excitedly, like a puppy who had just heard the words walkies escape from his owner's lips.
"Oh, please." He accepted, momentarily looking as though he had slept with a coat hanger in his mouth before becoming very self-conscious about it in the second before Sammy's head turned to look back at him.
He became extremely aware. And extremely aware of how quickly his mouth had dropped!
Thankfully, the tattoo adorned male looked away again not along after and they were able to head off to the kitchen area of Sammy's home. His place of residence was an unusual mishmash of a very plain and standard rented properly with quite eccentric indeed thanks to some bargaining with his landlord.
Yet although he didn't utter this for a single second, it absolutely reeked of the former love of his life. And not in terms of inhaling and being hit with a noticeable smell! It was just decorated in the essence of the man who called Alola his home and was a walking contradiction in almost every aspect of his life.
Justin busied himself with looking at the plain white walls of the property and all the canvases of great musicians hanging there like they were the first time capturing his attention while Sammy bustled around making tea, exactly how he liked it.
No wonder he felt the need to stare at the photos like it was the first time seeing them and his lip found itself falling into his mouth for some level of comfort. Some things could never be forgotten.
Sammy didn't glance much in Justin's direction as he wandered around the dining area of the kitchen though he would have liked to, beginning to feel as warm as the water boiling inside the kettle at the way that his photos were being so heavily observed. He felt like someone was reading his diary.
He had once been a journal in which Justin read every part. That was something not to easily forgotten either.
Justin drifted off gladly into musings about the lives of the musicians all peering back at him and with a jolt returned to reality when the kettle clicked, indicating that it had boiled. For half a second, Justin spun around to see Sammy preparing to make his tea, his teabag already in the mug and the milk at the ready and a single spoonful of sugar too.
Quite the opposite of how the father of his children liked it, he couldn't stop this thought from streaking across his mind. Sammy took his with nothing else added to it. But he didn't really like it either way. He simply drank it because it was still the thing to do along with Justin. He was much more of a coffee man himself and Justin hoped that he wouldn't feel the bitterness of that particular bean in his mouth during the hour that they would spend alone together.
Even if it was utterly pointless because Sammy was aware of everything that Justin was doing – and probably thinking too – the younger of the two spun his body back around again to the portraits at the same moment that he strode away from the kitchen and same to join him in the dining area.
The clunking noise of china against wood told Justin that his tea had been placed on the table and out of politeness as much as anything, an ooh sound tumbled out of his lips and he nodded and smiled too. Sammy reciprocated everything minus the noise that he had ululated and pulled a chair out to become seated while he drank.
Justin however, remained standing and he allowed his tea to sit in the mug for extra stewing while he had another few minutes to look at all of the faces on Sammy's walls. That time, his eyes traced along the family photos rather than the ones of some of their joint heroes, his eyes that were like the blue and green in a paint pallet had splashed together taking in the faces of the people who had once been potential in laws for himself.
It was not lost on him how he was about to have new in laws for himself that he wasn't really sure if he wanted to meet their ghostly selves while he felt like an apparition of his own to the picture of Sammy's parents hanging on his dining room wall.
He had been there for their son and then not the next, in their eyes.
Out of habit, Justin's own eyes searched for the comfort and the familiarity of Sammy and so he spun around once again. But, when he turned around, like the other male was very much present with him and present with his presence, his eyes were dropping down rather than looking right at him.
Yet in the same way as if he had been looking right at his face, knowing the thoughts that Justin was thinking, his head was moving from side to side. He had tried to prevent it but his expression had grown sullied like he had chewed a mouthful of ground coffee beans.
Somehow, the years of being split up had done nothing to disintegrate the knowing between the two of them. Justin caught on to his expression straight away.
"Oh, I'm sorry." He apologised, still not taking the seat opposite Sammy but it would have been helpful from the way that he started swaying as if he had already taken a mouthful of tea and that tea was actually something far stronger.
The black tea drinker watched as Justin rid himself of the shoes on his feet but funnily enough, only zoned back into reality himself once the boots had actually been tugged away from him. He spoke though it was pointless.
"No. It's okay." The shake of his head was different that time but pretty futile from the way that his expression had spoken that it was the opposite of okay!
And then, he had to try even harder to conceal his expression when although he told himself that he shouldn't fret about Justin wearing shoes in the house, he came face to face with another pet peeve of his.
The shoes of Justin were dropped straight on the dining from floor and while they were bought together in a neat pair, they were not carried out to the hallway like protocol.
This time, Justin was none the wiser. And Sammy knew that he just had to let it go when the father of his children simply seated himself in order to drink his own hot drink. He filled his mouth with the plain black tea so as to best ignore the irks that he caused when they were actually together.
Weirdly enough, they inwardly frustrated him more than ever and especially that day.
Justin filled the silence with making an appreciative noise again after he had taken his own first mouthful of warm drink, then masking the thoughts of Sammy and his perfectly attentive cup of tea by making what he knew in hindsight was a terrible attempt at small talk.
"So what time will Layla be waking up?" he asked, his shoeless feet nestling against the soft carpet beneath the dining room floor before reaching out and resting on a bottom bar of one of the other, empty chairs as if he didn't like to get too comfortable.
For a single second and beat, Sammy looked right over at him. Justin knew what this look meant in a single heartbeat.
"Around 9:30, I would assume." He replied, managing to soften his expression like he had taken Justin's sweeter tea into his mouth even though the younger male knew that he thought it to be ridiculous that he was asking that sort of question. "She was a bit restless last night though. If she sleeps until 10, I'll let her."
Another mouthful of his own indeed sweet tea, Justin bounced his head. He tried to reassure himself with the comforting, familiar feeling rather than the ridiculousness of how he had asked what time their daughter would be rising as if he hadn't asked that same question on the phone the night before.
Try as Justin might to just focus on the warm, familiar sensation filling his mouth and throat as he sat opposite Sammy, all he could think about was how that whole situation was taking him back, to when they shared a home with those three children and they would sit drinking a cup of tea together after the older two headed off to school and grab an extra moment in time with each other.
And his mind thought further back too, when it was just the two of them in that cramped little flat of Sammy's and they would have cups of tea there too, even on Justin's first morning back from tour when all his mind could focus on was all the highs from endless nights of shows but his hand still felt itself entwined with a tattoo decorated one.
There would always be something familiar, almost oddly homely about Sammy even if they had both decided that they were homesick for other places after all. That was how Justin knew that he could not ignore the backwards step that they had taken in recent weeks. And that was how Justin knew that he had to address it.
Even if it was perhaps the worst thing to do before they were to spend an entire day at their daughter's school together, he had to at least get an idea of where Sammy's head was at. And his mind was too.
"So…" Justin began and the male opposite him perfectly heard his voice but it was as though the black swirling liquid in his even deeper cup was far more of an interesting view. The younger of the two didn't know whether he should encourage Sammy to look at him or just get right to brass tacks. "Have you thought more about… you know?"
Apparently Justin's tongue decided to form words and broach the subject straight away. But of course, he didn't really do that, did he? His lips couldn't quite form all of the words and after they uttered as much as they could, his mouth was given another job of swallowing tea all over again.
As time passed, his throat grew dry like he had swallowed a whole packet of biscuits but Sammy hadn't even offered him one.
Continually, Sammy stared into the brown abyss of his own tea. He could see the light of the sun reflecting in the liquid and was trying to count the minuscule bubbles that lounged on the surface. But then, his eyes broke their contact and slowly looked over to Justin.
The naivety on his hardened, chiselled face spoke that he really didn't know what was being hinted at.
"…What?" he wondered, his eyes managing to secure themselves in the gaze of Justin even though a part of him longed to dart his eyes down, counting the faded moles on his face in the same way that he had done to bubbles of tea.
A squeak of Justin's chair let out such an agonising sound that it flustered him! But it flustered him into speaking more.
His legs crossing over each other as he sat and the lower halves of his legs entwining under the table also, he tried again, that time his throat feeling like the Desert Resort home of his fiancé and his lips growing numb but not from the hotness of the tea.
"Have you thought more about the wedding invite?" he asked. And in the split second after he wondered how on earth he was looking Sammy right in the eye, that eye contact suddenly faltered and he looked away again, looking into the depths of his own mug. "Obviously, we so want you to be there…"
Sammy's eyes grew rattled in the same way that spoons inside a crockery draw would have done after one of its friends accidentally got clattered on top of the other. He didn't like that he felt that way but a sensation of the past rose like bile in his mouth and it made him long to scoff.
Even after all that time, Justin couldn't say the word of his beloved to him? He had had the nerve to leave him for him but he still couldn't say his name in that particular conversation?
The younger of the two must've thought all kinds of things when, in that moment, Sammy exhaled out of his nostrils and leaned further back in his chair, the reason for this being he was inwardly having a conversation with himself.
No, his previous thoughts were hardly fair. He had told Justin that they should split up and that he should try it again with Eli because he knew that they were unfinished business while the two of them were coming to a natural close.
Justin must've really worried what on earth was going on inside Sammy's head. But either way, he did not move and he did not stare any degree more. He did not want to smother, nor did he want to find something that would slash open his heart when he sought.
At long last, for something to do, Sammy's hand nonchalantly swivelled his mug round on the oak of the table and then he shrugged, still needing to feel the security of his back firmly planted against the back of his chair.
"I've thought about it incessantly…" he admitted to Justin, seeing no rhyme or reason to lie to him. Immediately, the younger male's lips pressed together like they had been sewn shut but he tried to nod understandingly. In the end, he nodded bravely. "But what you mean is have I figured out my answer. And my answer to that is I am still undecided."
An old feeling of Justin rose in his belly in that second and that was the observation of how the father of his children grew very articulate and straight forward when they were having an argument – or at least – an uneasy discussion.
Justin knew Sammy to be a bit of a simple fellow on the quiet, far more intelligent with matters of the heart and the darkness of one's mind rather than full of words from a thesaurus and equations. But still, even he knew that it was unhelpful to feel these sorts of feelings, in the past or in the present too.
He had to give the father of his children room to feel and room to expression himself, even if it bought him discomfort. After all, he had given him the room to find love elsewhere. And since then, he had never let it go. The engagement ring on his finger was blinding proof of that.
"I don't ever want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with and the last thing I want is for you to feel like you have to be there when you don't want to be." Justin's words were sincere in his heart yet Sammy was not ignorant to the fact that but was surely to follow. And it did. "But we want the kids to be a huge part of our day…" He continued. Sammy resisted smirking in a frustrated manner or out of any other feeling. "So it wouldn't feel right if you weren't there."
The irony was undeniable in how little they spoke of their true feelings when they were together but it came oozing out of them like it was second nature when they had added distance between them both.
Not bothering to hide his feelings and his words as quickly as they came, Justin was forced to watch as Sammy squeaked the chair out from under the table and picked his mug up, intending to add even more space between them by going to sit on the couch area of the dining room.
"Your words are just words because I feel like I do have to be there when I don't want to be." He told the father of his children, Justin watching as he removed himself from being so close to him. Then as soon as his bottom touched the soft material of the corner sofa before, his words and he had an alteration of heart. "I don't not want to be there. I just don't know right now."
Sammy admitted. Justin had to give him the courtesy of nodding. And he had to feel respect for him for being truthful, and unafraid of hurting his feelings when it came to him and Eli's special day. He did.
Justin knew that it was okay to not know. And in spite of the way that his former love was seeing things, Justin's heart sung of the fact that he was speaking more and more words because he wanted him to be okay with the whole situation, not because he wanted to push him into a corner and attend a special weekend that was really challenging for him to watch.
"You don't have to decide right now." He tried to reassure him as best as he could and while Sammy didn't quite feel mollified, he nodded his head and his own long locks swayed with unspoken appreciation that Justin was at least trying. "I just want you to know that you're still included."
And for a second time, Sammy felt compelled to nod although that time, the sudden lack of eye contact from Justin and the way that his eyes were darting like he was counting loose grains of sugar on the kitchen table caused him to get the secret incline that his words might have been less sincere.
They had a whole other degree to them, a whole other layer. One that Sammy would be able to see clear as the sunny day that they were experiencing the more that Justin added words, his fingers swirling on the table like he really had discovered loose granules of sugar.
"You know… It's whatever you want, okay?" he began again, his eye darting slowing down but the trace of his finger speeding up as he found his voice and seemingly couldn't stop. "If you want to just come to the party. If you just want to show to the breakfast the morning after, we'll be super chill by then so it's cool for you." Justin suggested. His finger grew rough from how much it was working to find specs under the pad of his finger. "You can invite whoever you want. Bring your parents if you need comfort. I would love to see them. Jorginho's there anyway. Bring Lucy as your plus one. Whatever."
A fish hook tugged at Sammy's eyebrow just a few seconds into Justin's words and it increased only more and more with every word that he was saying. His lip almost joined the one of his brows at the mention of bringing a date. And it caused one word to tumble from his own mouth.
"Justin…" he tried to say but it was no good. Justin's darting eyes were no longer doing just that but they were frenzied. He didn't dare look over at the father of his children so he looked down at the table, still not stopping the words from splurging out his mouth.
"Whatever you want." He persisted. It was clear he was trying to persuade himself that it was cool either way as much as he was trying to reassure the man sitting on his sofa with an ache starting to grow in his temple. "I really do want you to be there if you want to be there." A lick of the lips. And then an eruption. "Whatever you want!"
"Justin." His name was spoken with more of a hardened edge to it that time and not that Justin read it as such, but it was not out of anger. Wearily but still in a restless way, Justin's eyes flickered words his. "I am not going to take Lucy as a date." He told him, for some reason, thinking that was the right words to say before he realised, his brows evening out and managing to look right back at the younger male with eyes that longed to tremble. "Why are you acting like you getting married is going to traumatise me…?"
And when his tone softened in the same way that his expression became butter, his heart couldn't stop itself from knowing full well everything that his mind was observing. Only one driving force and one driving force alone made Justin so insistent on making sure that Sammy was okay. And it was the same thing that made him wave and wave and wave until his children were out of sight.
Even after all those years, the level-headedness of Sammy in that moment evened out Justin's own tizzy and though he had a trembling mouth, his eyes didn't have that quality as they found themselves searching for the honey brown gaze of Sammy's orbs.
After he sought refuge in the eyes that he used to look into at utter moments of intimacy, truth escaped from him in a far more composed manner than before. Yet funnily enough, he felt them tugging at his core more so than when he was spewing out words.
"Do you blame me…?" he replied, suddenly admitting to both Sammy and himself that he was acting in a particular way that might've been unnecessary. Another trace of the lips. A dropping of a gaze. Justin spoke more words with a head that longed to shake. "With how you reacted when I first told you…"
Though in that moment it was Sammy's turn to feel a frenzied emotion bubbling up in his belly, he was able to supress it. Nevertheless, he couldn't stop himself from acknowledging the hot sensation that rushed through him, like he had poured the remnants over the boiled kettle water over his entire being.
Yes, that had been regrettable, he admitted in his head long before he admitted with actual words. But to use the same phrase as Justin had only moments before, how could he be blamed for that? He knew that Justin and Eli were head over heels in love and unlikely to ever fall out of that state. But marriage?
Justin and marriage had been two words that rarely formed in a sentence together.
"Because I was pissed." Sammy admitted and not that Justin ever admitted to this, but this level of truth had never made him love him more. He slowly blinked like a cat being caught in the headlights of a car but not bothering to move. "You never wanted to be my husband. And I might have let you go but I didn't figure out letting you go only to take someone else's hand in marriage when you were so against the idea within our relationship."
Justin began to really wish that he had said no to the cup of tea. Though he had drunk barely half of it, it groaned and it bubbled in his stomach and while he was glad he knew where the bathroom was, he really did not want to flee from the scene to use it.
The words husband and marriage and the phrase our relationship were not digestible from a former love interest so easily at the best of times but especially not in that scenario. Nonetheless, while Justin did have a catch in his throat that tried to keep his words back from escaping into the ether out of fear of messing Sammy about, he knew that hiding the truth from him would only mess him about more.
Secretly appeasing his own stomach by rubbing it but making it out like he was rubbing the material of his own t-shirt, Justin tried to swallow any nausea and attempted to portray the honest bravery that Sammy was showing him there and then.
"I didn't want to marry you because it would've been unfair when our reasons for becoming unified in that way were so opposite that it would have been cruel." He told the father of his children truthfully and in the next second, more words slipped out that moments after would tell him that he perhaps should have held back. "That never meant that I didn't envision you as my husband."
Sammy's expression was suddenly very low and still, like a lion hiding in the undergrowth and waiting to unleash its fiery potential on an unsuspecting gazelle. In this scenario, Justin was indeed the unsuspecting grass-munching creature.
Though he really should've expected his words to be less than consoling, he was massively taken aback by Sammy's sudden screwed up expression and the words that erupted from his mouth like a volcano.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Justin?" he questioned him in a thunderous nature. But whether it was a déjà vu or it was anxiety or something that I couldn't possibly wrap my finger around, for some reason Justin's nausea was alleviated for just a second. A twinkle could be found lurking in his eye and then a chuckle could be heard! Sammy surprisingly could not resist from showing the same expression, though he buried his head in his hands to try and conceal it. "I still don't get you…"
The sparkle just had to be dulled from Justin's orbs so he encouraged it to do so. But the stomach churning feeling didn't quite return to him and he instead tried to smile at Sammy in a way that was sincere but not overbearing at the same time.
A shrug rolled off his shoulders and he clutched at the mug for something to do, the contents inside feeling far less warm than his own insides and his secretly burning skin.
"Sorry…" he told him. He didn't sound wholeheartedly earnest. But that somehow made it be received that way. Or maybe it was Sammy burying his head momentarily in his hands and rubbing his own temples that allowed him see things clearer and have some added perspective.
After his face was revealed back to Justin yet again with his long hair springing out in all directions at the friction that he had caused himself, all he could do was exhale and roll his own shoulders and shake his head from side to side too.
"It's in the past, let it stay there…" he told Justin, causing the younger male to slowly blink yet again. Maybe attending his church was a beneficial thing for all if it made someone as fiery as Sammy so Zen in times of struggle! Or maybe it wasn't something that could be taught. Sammy's experiences had given him that peace. "I just don't know why you so badly want me there."
The younger of the two snapped away from his unspoken awe long enough for him to hear Sammy admitting some more things. And as if the caffeine in his tea had suddenly lurched into those long legs of his, before he could even think about stopping himself, Justin strode over to the father of his children on the corner sofa and plopped down next to him.
"Because…" he joined Sammy by his side, him having his turn to blink but his eyelashes were clapping together like he was applauding a performance at a concert. Justin stammered. But he embraced it as he spoke. "You're my best friend, you really are." He told him, only realising how cheesy and impersonal it sounded when it floated from his lips and Sammy felt compelled to tilt his head. Justin tried again; his ears ringing as he vehemently shook his head. "Because… The day won't be complete without you. Because you've given me some of the best things in my life."
The word because had simply never been spoken so much before. If he had been in primary school then surely Justin would've had points deduced from his work for such clumsy way of speech.
Fortunately for him, though, he was not in the past. And Sammy did not have his teachers head on either!
Instead, Sammy had the head of an observer and a man going with the flow and he proved that by not flinching when he felt a hand upon his and he had to readjust himself to the sensation of that pale, slightly cold hand of Justin.
He hadn't bothered to speak of the things that Sammy had given him because such things were so magical that they didn't need to be uttered. They were though, of course, years of lifelong memories and support. Three absolutely cherished children. And even Eli too. After all, that story would not be happening without Sammy, would it? A lot of things wouldn't have happened without him. And Justin would be prepared to tell him this for as long as they were united.
Sammy did not know what to say when Justin fumbled his way through an answer but eventually found one. He most certainly did not know what to say when he felt his touch against his, for what felt like the first time in a whole bunch of lifetimes.
I believe that it is fortunately for him that he didn't need to find actual words. Contrasting his bravery to speak the truth during other moments of that day, he knew when to not say anything and let the moment be everything that spoke volumes.
And as well as this, somebody that they did very much share decided to make their presence be known and wake a little earlier than expected. Layla appeared in the doorway of the kitchen and dining room when she awoke to the sound of two voices. And she simply could not contain her joy when it was her two fathers in the room together.
She did not hesitate to run forward to where they were both sitting on the sofa together. Unaware of the preciousness of the moment that their fingers were resting on each other, she ripped them apart from each other so both of them could put a hand on either of her cheeks.
The comedy of this moment was not lost on either of the fathers.
"Well hello there, not so sleepy head." Justin greeted, speaking over to Sammy at first because he had grown so used to it in spite of it all before looking down at Layla, glad to feel the softness of her tanned skin.
As she rested between the two of them and nuzzled them both as much as she could, encouraging them to nudge her back with a hand of theirs each, another thing that was not lost on Sammy was the way that things that were once unified could not be so prised apart. And a gang of people that were once a family would always be family.
He listened to Justin's words and he smiled a smile of sunshine before he noticed the state of their daughter's bed head, the corners of his eyes creasing all the more.
"Oh, you are so like your brother and your daddy too." he commented, Layla merely copying her papá's grin up at him while Justin's eyes felt compelled to become slits, already knowing what Sammy was referring to. Sammy's tone was laced with a chuckle. "I did your hair for you to sleep in so we could save time this morning. But I guess we both had better do it together again now."
And with that and with a lingering hand on his daughter's cheek, Sammy's eyes turned to look at Justin. And for the first time that day, though they had both spoken words of forgetting the past and looking to the future, they shared a look in their eyes and felt things in their heart that were very old tales indeed.
They couldn't be pried apart. And that was okay. In fact, they were closer together when they were further apart. And they appreciated each other more from a distance. And it made them able to utter these words truthfully.
Despite the fact that Layla's hair could very much resemble a bird's nest, Justin could still make out what kind of style that he been conjured up the night before and so once the child sat with a leg on either one of her father's leg, he set to fixing the one side while Sammy did the other.
And although that time as they had the four year old girl close to them and their own legs even closer to each other too, they didn't look at each other or even utter words to each other, a loud, echoing knowing was between them both.
Yet this was surpassed by Layla knowing something all the more strongly. As she leaned back against her fathers' and enjoyed the two of them doting on her, she hadn't a clue of everything that had gone on before but she knew one thing in her heart - that was for certain.
She was the luckiest little girl in the world. Zack and Darcy were equally fortunate too. They not only had a soon to be step father in Eli and a wonderful nanny like Lucy and grandparents like Jessie and James and Jenny and Peter and a gaggle of protectors like Katie and Jayden and even Jaxon too – but they had two fathers who adored one and other.
No, their daddy's were not husbands to each other. But they were best friends. And that was somehow even better. Loads of kids had parents who were husbands and wives. But not everybody had those who loved each other unconditionally.
The truth was, Justin and Sammy loved each other more and better too when they were apart. And that is the kind of thing that can be so reassuring. Sometimes the end of something can be the start of something even better.
I believe that more and more each day.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :) This one was an important one for me to write. I do find it hard sometimes to write the splitting up of Justin and Sammy, especially when their children are involved and when the story revolves around their guilt. But in the same way, it was healing to write this and really be able to show how much their relationship improves when they are not romantically involved anymore. They are still partners in some ways, just now as co-parents rather than love interests who long to end up together no matter what. I also of course so loved getting to write Lucy in there and how she interacts with the kids! All in all, there was a lot of different things for me to run with on this one :) Thanks again and I will be back again on the 28th to upload Dear Darlings so see you in a bit!
Amy signing out :3