The silence between you both that day was deafening. Although it was not for a lack of trying on Alastor's end of things. He had first attempted to make light of the situation, making jokes about the predicament you had both ended up in but they were met with a cold response from you. As the day wound down, he no longer tried to find humor, instead offering his console about it. You wished you had been more receptive to his gestures but found yourself feeling foggy, as though walking in a dream, a nightmare even, and one that you could not awake from. On a handful of occasions, Alastor would start a sentence with "If you don't want to." But you would sharply cut him off with a simple. "No."
George prepared dinner for you both but you had no appetite. For once not just pushing back the hunger pains in order to maintain a slim physique but more so that after the first bite, the food had tasted of nothing but ash in your mouth. Your thoughts had been elsewhere through dinner so you did not notice that as Alastor finished his meal, he had now made his way from the other end of the table and was standing behind you. It wasn't until you felt the warmth of his touch, his hands resting softly on your shoulders with his thumbs making circular motions between your shoulder blades, that you snapped back to reality.
"My dear if starving yourself to death is your way of getting out of such an arrangement. Then even if you will not back down from it, I will do so myself. My offer only came as a way to ease your burden but I have seen it has had the opposite effect on you. I hate to see you suffer like this." His voice was soft, none of his usual showmanship. Instead more akin to how you'd heard him speaking with his mother, that southern drawl slipping through. "If you are to take my hand and marry me, you should be aware that I don't have much of an appetite." You tried to correct him. His hand slid from your shoulder and momentarily wrapped around your throat before making its way up to your jaw to tilt your head up to look at him.
"I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that this is only because of that." You found yourself staring into his eyes, deep and rich. It was like he wasn't looking at you but looking through you, looking through the mask you wore, and seeing the wretched soul inside. But unlike others who had a glimpse of the true you, he did not flinch, instead simply maintained eye contact with you. "I am just not hungry." You persisted and he released you from his grip, the disappointment in your lie was clear on his face as he sat down once more. "You are a good actress but not a flawless one, my dear. Should we convince the masses that our union is genuine? I suggest you work on your skills." You considered being honest with him but found it not to be in your nature to be so open or vulnerable. "Well then, that is something I shall have to work on." Confessing to your lies but still wanting to save face.
That night you had offered Alastor to stay overnight, once again presenting the spare room to him. Over the following weeks, he spent more time at your home. He would often arrive after work with small gifts and trinkets. Unlike other suitors who would focus only on the price tag. Lavish gifts of expensive jewels and gestures of fine wines or dates out. Alastor's gifts came in the form of more modest gifts, but also more thought out. Simple bouquets of flowers, books, or even sheet music. The latter of which had confused you at first.
"What am I supposed to do with these?" You had asked when presented with them. "I noted you have a grand piano, is it only here for show?" You had not thought about the piano, like the cookbooks, it had belonged to your mother and you had only taken it with you to keep a part of her alive. "It was Mother's. I just didn't want Daddy to get rid of it like so much of her stuff. But I don't play." Alastors eyes lit up when you spoke. "Well, it seems cooking is not the only thing I have to verse you in."
At first, he had sat you on the bench with him, playing a few simple tunes and asking you to repeat them. Whilst his fingers breezed across the keys with ease, your movements could be described as a hurricane. His hands were delicate and light in the way they moved. He would close his eyes and feel the music as he played. You felt like you were more poking at the keys than playing them, your body rigid and tense. Alastor stood up from the piano stool and you awaited the criticism, a tirade of words that never came from him. Instead, he once again placed his hands on your shoulders and began rubbing your back. "Music is an expression of the soul. You play so uptightly, you don't allow yourself to feel it, to lose yourself in the moment, to indulge in what inspires you."
His words were true, it was how you had always lived your life, an act you put on for everyone around you, including yourself. Never truly losing yourself to anything, every word you said was rehearsed, and every move you make is choreographed. You had just wished to be liked and admired, something you put so much conscious effort into but Alastor seemed to obtain that effortlessly. His natural charm and charisma could not be denied. Everything he did in life, he did with passion and flair. You released the tension in your shoulders and as you did, his hands trailed down your arms, now resting his head in the crook of your neck, his body pressing into you and his hands hovering just above yours as he guided your movements.
Unlike his attempts to teach you to cook, music came more naturally to you. You actually found an enjoyment in playing. However, this did not stop him from teaching you in the kitchen as well. As time went on, you would have a hot meal on the table and a song in the air when he would return from work. He had been spending more time at your house now, not just coming over after work but instead spending the night albeit spending his nights in the spare room rather than joining you in yours. However, on the nights you could not sleep, the nights where the voices were loud and filled your every thought. He would not complain when you asked to crawl into bed alongside him. Inviting you in and wrapping his arms around you. There was a comfort to his embrace, a security, that as long as he was by your side, everything in the world would be right.
For as long as you had tried to ignore the topic, just trying to enjoy the time the both of you spent together. It was eventually brought into the forefront of your mind when your father called. Saying how he'd expected to see something of the engagement in the newspaper. You knew if you were to do this, it needed to be the talk of the town. It would be something on the lips of everybody for the months prior to the wedding. "So I notice you still haven't given me a ring yet?" You mentioned over dinner that evening. "I see you are starting to warm up to the idea," Alastor commented. "I wouldn't say I am warming up to it, but if we are to go through with this, then I feel we need to go all out on the showmanship." You caught a twinkle in Alastors eye at your suggestion of putting on a show. "And how would you suggest we go about this then?"
You had thought about Alastor putting mention of your engagement into one of his broadcasts. Something that would surely sour every female fan who thought they had a chance with him. The thought of which brought you a modicum of pleasure but that was not all that needed to be done. "I suggest a meal out and a public engagement. Then if you wished, a mention of the night on your broadcast. I think you should allude to details of the wedding but we should keep it a close-knit affair. People will be fighting for an invitation to such an event." You caught Alastor shaking his head at the suggestion. "Now my darling, I appreciate your need to be desired but I share myself with the world. So how about a compromise? The actual ceremony can be a small affair, with guests of your choosing. But the afterdo is open to whoever may wish to join in the festivities."
You thought over his offer. Part of married life would be making compromises and whilst you found yourself hesitant to agree, you did accept his terms. "I suppose that is a fair trade-off. Do you have any other requests for the ceremony or is that all in my hands?" You inquired. "Well, I think it goes without saying that my mother is to be in attendance but other than that, it will be however you wish it to be." As with everything since Alastors proposal, he gave you so much freedom with how you wanted to proceed with things. It was something you were grateful for and hopefully, the marriage would continue this way of being.
The following day Alastor had presented you with a small, blue leather box. When you had tried to take it from him, he withdrew his hand, holding it behind his back. "Ah! You can wait to see it." He jested and you had pushed yourself into his body, trying to grab it from behind him. "Well I need to see it, what if I need to feign joy? No one wants a bride to be looking disappointed upon her engagement." You persisted but Alastor placed the ring on the table behind him and took a hold of your hands, pushed you back against the hallway wall, and pinned them above your head in one swift movement. With your wrists now crossed over one another he was able to hold them in place with one hand, not that you put up a fight. His free hand traced a finger along your jawline. He then leaned in close, until your faces were only a breath away from one another. "Darling, I hope to never disappoint you but as with many things in this relationship. I do insist you wait."
He released your hand and grabbed the box once more, placing it into his pocket and strolling towards the kitchen as though nothing had happened. You let your hands drop to your sides and took a moment just to regain your composure. Alastor had a way with you that you couldn't explain. His touch was always gentle but like that knife where he had shown you every point to bleed someone out. There was an edge to him, a feeling that he could easily break you apart but chose not to. It was a side to him that you fully enjoyed and even tried to work out how you could bait such reactions again. Unfortunately like everything, Alastors reactions were unpredictable, forever keeping you on your toes, unable to work out his next move.
Antoine's was where you had planned your announcement of the engagement but before going there, you wanted to go find a new dress. You knew all eyes would be on you and you had to look your finest. You had invited the girls out dress shopping. "Oh come now, you can't keep us in suspense like this," Ruth whined. "Oh but I can and I will, but you will be sure to find out soon enough." You chuckled. "Well, can't you at least tell us what he looks like?" Alice added. "Oh but that'll ruin the fun, would it not?" You were enjoying yourself in this moment, the most fun you'd had in a while, watching them try and guess what man you were supposedly smitten with. "It might be fun for you but we want to know." Ruth continued to whine. "Well, by all means, take a guess. I would love to hear what little theories you have going on as to what man could finally shackle me."
The names of many notable gentlemen left their lips but surprisingly Alastor wasn't one of them. You would give away subtle hints. He was tall, he was well renowned, he had a velvety voice and yet still they didn't catch on. Growing bored of this game you tried to bring yourself to the task at hand. You found picking a dress harder than anticipated, whilst they all would look good on you, none of them stood out. You weren't just shopping for yourself in this moment, you wanted something that would have Alastors jaw on the floor. To leave him speechless like he had done on many occasions to you. Neither Alice nor Ruth were much help either, only serving to affirm your knowledge that anything would look good. In the end, you settled on a deep merlot dress, floor length with layers of beaded fringes. Each strand of fringe started with small beads, increasing in size and ending in a teardrop bead. The shape of these reminded you of droplets of blood, something fitting considering the secret you shared.
The evening dawned upon you, today was the big show. You had expected the day to crawl by but the hands of the clock felt like they were spinning. You had spent time in the bathroom, practicing your reaction until you had perfected it. Excitement, tears of joy, a flustered inability to speak. You had tried to maintain an air of calm about you but George knew you, he had always known you and more so he understood you. "Anxious is normal, when there is something important on the line. It's okay to feel it, emotions are there to educate you. Maybe it will teach you that you're not so much anxious about the idea of marriage but the idea of letting him down. I know you do not pay me to think but I still observe. I've observed the two of you and how you interact and whilst I am not oblivious to the fact this is all a ploy to get your father off your back. I can't help but think something more has developed there." George said no more, only leaving you alone to reflect on his words.
You took a carriage to Antoine's, to which Alastor was awaiting your arrival. Whilst he was always dressed flawlessly, you could see he had put some extra effort into his attire this evening and as the carriage had pulled up you had found yourself staring, but composing yourself as he opened the door. "I see you scrub up well." You professed. "Well, you look absolutely ravishing darling." He said, taking your hand to help you step down from the carriage but continuing to hold it as you stepped into the restaurant.
Walking into the venue, all eyes, were indeed on you, hushed whispers among the patrons. Anxiety once again took you in its grip, your mouth felt dry, your legs stiff, and the entire moment felt surreal. Alastor squeezed your hand and brought you back to the moment. Pulling out your chair and taking your fur shawl as you sat down, playing the role of the perfect gentleman. If there was a time for a drink, this would have been it, but since the prohibition started, nowhere was serving alcohol. "So darling, should we enjoy a meal first or would you like to get to the theatrics straight away?"
"Would you believe me if I said I'm not feeling hungry?" You cautioned. "Well it would be a waste of a reservation but if you do not wish to eat then we can just get this over and done with and I shall escort you home?" His tone was soft and sincere, he genuinely did not seem to enjoy seeing you in this state of distress. You thought you had hidden it well behind your smile but then you thought to Alastor, a showman himself, playing his own part in life and it dawned on you that you would never be able to hide your true feelings from him. You reached your hand across the table, taking him in it. "I think I'm ready, let us do this." You took in a deep breath, straightened your posture, and put on your best smile. Alastor stood and clinked a spoon on his glass, bringing the attention of the room onto the both of you.
"I would like to make an announcement." He now turned his attention to you. "I know this is sudden but I fear if I do not ask you now, then another gentleman is going to come and whisk you off your feet before I can. There may be better options out there for you, a lady with charm and beauty such as yourself has her pick of the gents. But allow me to pitch what I will offer you. I vow to love you with a ferocity that matches your own. I will give my life to you, never asking you to do anything you do not wish. I offer you everything I have, and everything I will have, in return for having you by my side. If you will take me that is." Alastor dips down onto one knee and pulls out the blue box, opening it to reveal a 3-carat emerald ring, with small oval diamonds to each side, set in a white gold band. It was beautiful in the way it sparkled in the light, he had picked well and you did note it must have cost a fair amount of money.
You had spent hours this morning staring into the mirror, planning how you would react, perfecting it. All of that went out the window when you heard his words. You knew this was simply an act, there was no truth to his words but he had conveyed them with such a well-played semblance of sincerity that you had lost yourself in the moment. You extended your hand as a tear rolled down your cheek. He slipped the ring on before placing a kiss on the back of your hand and standing pulling you to your feet, whispered "I hope you don't mind." As he now pulled your face into his, placing a kiss upon your lips. The sounds of the restaurant faded into nothing as in that moment there was just you and him.
Eyes are often called the gateway to the soul but in his kiss, you felt as though he had opened the gateway to your heart. You had shared in many a kiss before this but this was new, the was a softness, a passion, the promise of sweetness beyond his honeyed words that echoed with you even after your lips had parted. A moment shared between you both that felt like it lasted a lifetime and yet was cut so short as he pulled away, now cupping your face in his hand and staring down at you through those chestnut eyes. No, wait, red eyes. A twisted grin spread across his face, antlers sprouting from his head. You fall backward onto your chair as the creature that now resembled Alastor, took form. You rubbed your eyes and the world returned to normal, Alastor now crouched in front of you, his face showing a note of genuine concern as he looked into your eyes.
"I think maybe this has all been a bit much, shall we return home?" You couldn't muster words but instead just grabbed your fur shawl. Alastor hailed a carridge down and the two of you traveled back in silence. There were several moments you caught Alastor opening his mouth to speak but then stopping himself from doing so. It wasn't until you finally got through the front door and sat down in the lounge that he asked you what had happened. At first, you were unsure if to tell him the truth but as he took your hands in his, softly rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs, you decided to open up. "I sometimes see things, things that I can not explain. Visions of hellish creatures, demonic forms." You knew what you said sounded crazy and waited for Alastor to berate you, but he didn't. "And that's what you saw in me at the restaurant?" His voice was soothing, without a hint of judgment to it. "Yes, red eyes and sharp teeth and blood splattered across its face. It looked like you but it wasn't you." You didn't know how to make sense of such things and you could see on Alastors face he was struggling to find any words of comfort.
"So that's what you saw in that man? When you said he was a monster." You thought back to that night and recoiled at the memory. Alastor let go of your hands and now sat beside you, resting his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into him. Not forcefully, but offering a gentle embrace that you took him up on as you leaned into him. "I know I'm crazy, my mother was before me, and my grandmother before her." You muttered. "I do not think you are crazy. Just..." he takes a few moments to gather his words. "Just a very broken individual, a tragic soul but a soul that burns so brightly. They say there is a fine line between genius and insanity and you walk it like a tightrope." His words brought a small amount of comfort but you just awaited the day he locked you away like the other women in your family had been.