Previously, on A viper-lizard's tales : Suki manages to incapacitate the guard she was fighting, but dislocates her shoulder in the process. Toph whistles the signal to retreat, heads to free Suki from her shackles, and Suki then instructs her on how to fix her shoulder. With her pain now at a mangeable level, Suki looks around and sees Sokka's unconscious body, and with Jet's and Toph's help, manages to get him on Appa's back. As they fly away, she breaks down.
A. N. : We are now entering the post-Big Bad Arc zone. Which means dealing with all the fallout, but also ! I am no longer bound by my own stubbornness to thematic titles ! I am free ! Anyway, Katara is straight up not having a good time in this chapter, mentally speaking, and there is some mention of injuries and medical procedures, but none of the latter is very descriptive. Just a heads up. I don't think it should be too much of a problem, but if any of you need me to include a summary in the next chapter, just tell me !
Katara will not cry.
Not now, not when – Sokka needs her, needs healing, needs –
Sokka has a sword stuck in his shoulder, going through his arm, and Katara doesn't understand why it's here, why no one took it out, why Sokka – why her brother – why is he covered in so much blood and not moving ?
She breathes. She will not cry, not like Lin did from the moment lightning first struck, only now calming down a little in Zuko's arms, not like Suki started doing right after they took off, holding on to a very pale-looking Toph for dear life – Katara will not cry.
Jet – Jet is talking to her, she realizes. She blinks. Tears her eyes off Sokka – Sokka, Spirits – and asks him to repeat himself. He's asking for her thoughts. She healed Aang before, when he – she nods – and she's been taking care of minor injuries the whole way here too, so she must know a way to fix Sokka that's – cleaner, he says, than what he knows.
Katara doesn't answer. Stares at him – water heals, yes, but she doesn't know how, not really. Usually, she just presses it onto wounds and feels it act almost on its own, feels the chi she pours in it flow into the body of the person she heals and she doesn't have thoughts on it because – because –
She only spent a single day at Yugoda's hut.
She doesn't know. She could – could heal Sokka, probably, but there's a sword in his arm and she doesn't know and it's her brother –
And Katara will not cry, refuses to until Sokka is fine again, but her eyes sting and her throat is blocked by the million screams she won't let out. She flinches when Jet places a hand on her shoulder – it's alright, I'll take care of it, then – and smiles reassuringly.
He asks Zuko's Uncle to come closer, asks Katara to stay where she is, says he'll need her – the focus in his eyes is the same as when he plans or fights, and that must mean he knows what he's doing.
It shouldn't feel good, shouldn't be relieving, to trust in Jet when she knows what he is, but it's so much easier to put everything on him, to trust he'll take care of everything the way Mom did, the way Dad did, the way Katara is tired of doing.
Just this once, just this time, she will let go, let someone else handle it, even if that someone is Jet.
They'll have to cauterize, he says. Hands his dagger to Zuko's Uncle and asks him to heat it – there's an edge to Jet's voice that Katara doesn't like, that sounds like Jet would rather cut off his own hand than ask this, than hand a knife to – oh, oh that's not good, that's not – and Zuko's Uncle seems to notice, too. He softly says that it will be more precise if he uses his hands.
Jet puts the dagger away a bit too quickly, a bit too relieved, and his nod is more of an uncontrolled jerk of the head than anything else.
He turns to Katara, just as abruptly, like looking at Zuko's Uncle burns him. Once he takes the sword out of Sokka, he says, it will bleed a lot. He can't be sure which blood vessels were touched or how much blood Sokka lost already from the larger cut in his forearm, but if they're not careful or fast enough, Sokka could bleed out and die. So he needs Katara to –
She knows what he will say. She knows and she hates it and she hates that he is right and she hates that she will do it.
Jet needs Katara to bend Sokka's blood so it stays inside his body. It should keep him from moving, too, so Zuko's Uncle's task will be easier – Jet almost calls him something else then, and seems angry at himself for the mistake. Zuko's Uncle just looks between them, frowning, asking what Jet means, exactly.
Katara crosses eyes with Jet, sees the same unease on his face as the one she feels at the idea of doing that again, to Sokka – but it's to save his life, and she doesn't want to, it's Jet's fault for asking, not hers –
He shrugs. You'll see, is all he says. He gets in position, one hand close to the sword's handle, the other under Sokka's impaled forearm, just barely not touching it. Zuko's Uncle brings his hands closer to Sokka's shoulder, breathes deeply. Jet raises his eyes for a second, staring straight at Katara – give us the go when you're started.
She breathes out.
Closes her eyes.
She still remembers the – the all-powerfulness, the wrongness and the exhilaration, the pull of something inside her, at her, like drowning, lungs filled by water she chooses not to bend out. She craved more, back then, and that was probably the scariest part. The something pulling right back at her felt like control, like making sure nothing goes wrong and no one gets hurt and no one dies, and she wanted all of it and it scared her, disgusted her, because she knew – she knows –
If Jet hadn't been so upset, hadn't begged her to stop, she might have actually enjoyed this.
It's wrong, she knows. This – thing. This power, this control. It's wrong and she never wants to do it again because she might not stop, then – it's wrong and it's the only way to make sure Sokka lives.
She doesn't want this, won't enjoy it – she repeats the words in her head over and over as she reaches out to the water, to the blood, feels it pull right back at her, push as she pushes, struggle uselessly against her will as she orders it to stay still.
She doesn't want this, doesn't want this, it's Jet's responsibility, his decision, not hers, not her will – Katara hears her own voice say now, following Jet's instructions, while she keeps Sokka, keeps her brother still and safe no matter how much he insists otherwise. She's taking care of him, the way she has since Mom died, even better than she's ever been able to and he will be safe and listen to her and won't leave –
The smell of burning flesh takes her by surprise, brings tears to her eyes as her stomach jumps to her throat and that's Sokka, that's Sokka burning and injured and she can't afford to drown now, can't afford to let herself be swallowed by those disgusting thoughts.
She doesn't want this. Doesn't want this control. She is only doing this because Jet asked her to and because Sokka will die otherwise. She doesn't want this. She doesn't –
She needs this to be over.
Hurry up, she says, struggles to say, the same as Sokka's blood struggles against her, and she gets it now – it's her will against his, against the natural flow of life, and the more she pushes and pulls, the more she will lose herself and drown.
The more she controls, the more she loses control.
It's not her fault, she doesn't want this, Jet asked her to, she doesn't want this even as she does – no, no, loosen your grasp a little, don't give in –
Katara goes back to herself, to the world, focuses on breathing and on watching Jet pull out the sword from Sokka's arm now, focuses on – ah, no, blood starts to flow out a little, she needs to push more – needs –
Her head dips under the water once more. It's impossible, she realizes, not to lose herself at least somewhat when doing this – this blood-bending. There's no escaping the pull, not even a little, and that terrifies her. She is saving Sokka's life, she is –
She can never do this again.
She will never do this again.
No matter how useful, no matter how much she doesn't want this and it isn't her responsibility – the risk is too great. The call of the deep sea, the need to just – let go and drown, it's – too much.
When Jet grabs her shoulder and tells her it's good, she did good, she can stop now – Katara can't emerge immediately. She forces herself to go back, to swim upwards, to leave the inviting embrace of control and safety and – she gasps for air. Lets her head fall down, hands pressing against her face, breathing as Jet's calm voice says it will be fine, Sokka will be fine, it's alright, Sokka is safe now – breathing as his hand presses on her back comfortingly.
She cries, then.