56. Open up your eyes
Open up your eyes
Save yourself from fading away now
Open up your eyes, don't sacrifice
It's truly the heart of everything*
The vision cleared and Harry suddenly found himself in the Potions classroom. He saw himself standing in the middle of the room with a dazed look in his eyes, a blank face slowly becoming a look of bewilderment and delight. All the students stared at him with curiosity. Snape was sitting behind the desk on the other side of the classroom, and he stood up at the same moment, without taking his eyes off Harry.
Oh, we're about to find out what this arrogant kid desires... I suspect it's going to be a spectacular show...
Severus' voice echoed throughout the classroom, but the man's lips were tight and he certainly couldn't say it out loud. So probably... probably those were his thoughts!
There was a snort from the Slytherin table, followed by an amused chuckle.
"Silence!" Snape growled, glaring at Pansy and another Slytherin sitting next to her. "There is to be absolute silence."
Harry's expression slowly changed. He looked hypnotized. His eyes wide with delight, he stared at the Potions Master standing on the other side of the classroom. His gaze was skimming over the long, black-robed body with such incomprehensible admiration as if he was seeing it for the first time in his life. As if he was just now seeing something that had been hidden from him before.
Why did Potter focus his attention on me? And why is he looking at me like that? I don't think he-
Tears began to flow down Harry's face. A revealing bulge appeared in his pants. Someone inhaled very loudly, and Hermione covered her mouth with her hand.
Harry moved away. He caught his robe on the bench, almost falling over, and tripped over a bag lying on the floor, again avoiding contact with the floor at the last moment. He didn't look at where he was going at all, his eyes were focused only on Snape, who was looking at him with increasing disbelief.
This must be some kind of joke...
There was absolute silence in the classroom as Harry stumbled his way to the teacher's desk. He finally got to it. He slammed his hips against the desk, wanting to keep going, but the heavy furniture prevented him from doing so. There was a true despair on his face. Snape took a step back.
That's impossible...
"Severus..." Harry whined, leaning over the desk and extending his hand towards the man.
Oh fuck!
Harry was pressing against the bench, struggling and trying at all costs to reach the object of his just realized desire. There was despair and determination on his face.
"You have the most beautiful and arousing eyes in the world..." he purred in a dreamy, lust-filled voice. "I want to drown in them while you take me... Take me, Severus!"
The vision blurred and everything around him began to spin. Harry heard Snape's thoughts:
How is it possible that the potion pointed to me? This shouldn't have happened. How is it possible that I am Potter's desire? Has this boy completely lost his mind?
Another twist.
I'm not done with him yet. Only now will it get really interesting...
He will deny it, but in the end he will break... Don't tire yourself, Potter. Don't fight it. You won't win anyway. You'll have to come to terms with it.
Soon Potter won't be able to cope with this desire. Soon he will start following me, he will start asking me, begging me... for everything. And only then will I triumph. I'll be happy to watch Potter humiliate himself in front of me.
It's only a matter of time before the Dark Lord finds out. I wonder how he will use it.
The vision cleared again and Harry found himself in a meeting of Death Eaters.
"I'm glad I could give you such interesting news, my Lord," Snape said, sitting at the table. His voice was quiet and dispassionate.
"As usual, you did not disappoint me," Voldemort replied. "What you said will help us a lot. I think we can use this." The Dark Lord's smile was poisonously ghastly. "Look at me, Severus."
Suddenly Voldemort's voice filled the space:
You've probably heard of the Admorsusexcetra elixir. It allows the entire power of the person who drinks it to be sucked out along with the blood. When I gain Potter's powers, I will be invincible and at the same time I will get rid of the boy once and for all. You will prepare this potion for me, Severus. And you will seduce Potter. You will get closer to him, you will keep him close to you and you will make him trust you enough to drink this potion of his own free will. Because you know perfectly well that it will only work if the victim accepts it consciously and willingly, without coercion and without doubt. I give you as much time as you need. I'll make sure no one disturbs you. You have a free rein, you can do whatever you want with the boy, but you will report to me on your progress. And when you finish the potion and bring Potter to me... I will reward you forever.
Voldemort's voice fell silent. Snape looked at his Lord and smiled darkly and unpleasantly.
"You know what to do," Voldemort said.
"Of course," the Potions Master replied.
The image spun again and stopped on Snape's chambers. The man was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. There was a terrifying smile on his face, a storm raging in his eyes.
At last! My chance has finally come!
In a lightning-fast movement, he rolled up his sleeve and looked with hatred at the Dark Mark on his forearm. A mark that was cut by a deep scar, like a knife cut, as if someone wanted to cut it out.
Desideria Intima... left a mark on me for life, but how could I have known that after drinking it I would almost cut off my hand? And now, after all these years... I can finally fulfill my greatest desire... I can finally make the Dark Lord die. And with him I will get rid of Potter. This irresponsible little brat will never be able to defeat the Dark Lord. There's no chance against him. And Dumbledore is too stupid to understand it. It's the only way. I will sacrifice Potter, I will sacrifice everything, just to kill the Dark Lord. They will both disappear from my life once and for all. And with them, Dumbledore too. No one will give me orders anymore. Never again.
The man stopped and sank heavily into the chair.
I'll have to play on two fronts... Dumbledore is one of the best Legilimens, and he can't find out about this plan. His 'trusted servant' plans to destroy his secret weapon and the hope of the entire Wizarding World... He probably wouldn't like it. - A sneer appeared on Snape's face. - I'll have to use Legilimens Evocis. Yes, that's the only way I can hide it. That I could hide everything from both him and the Dark Lord. It won't be easy, but I'm willing to pay any price.
Something dangerous appeared in Snape's eyes. For a while he just sat there, staring into the air.
Seducing Potter... It shouldn't be difficult since I am his 'greatest desire'. But I certainly won't make it easy for him. I'll give him what he deserves. I will cause him pain. I will torment him, hurt him and pull him back if he tries to leave. I will take revenge on him for all the humiliation I suffered from the hands of his father. The only disadvantage is that I will have to endure the company of this imbecile, to touch him... - an expression of disgust appeared on the man's face, but after a moment it was replaced by a crooked smile. - On the other hand... I can make him do anything. I can make him serve me on his knees if I want. I will humiliate him as much as possible. Too bad, I'll have to show him a little... hmm... commitment from time to time. But this price is worth paying if I gain freedom in return.
Snape closed his eyes and sighed.
Admorsusexcetra... Brewing it is fiendishly complicated, and modifying it... It will take me months. But there's no way I could fail. Potter will be a walking poison, a walking venom. The potion will drain not only his power, but the Dark Lord's power as well. And it will kill them both.
Snape opened his eyes. An icy fire burned within them - a fire that suddenly filled the entire space. However, instead of the crackle of fire, it resounded with a monotonous echo:
It will kill them both.
It will kill them both.
It will kill them...
The fire disappeared and there was silence, and darkness - a darkness from which the dungeon corridor emerged, and Severus standing in front of the cupboard. In front of that cupboard where Harry was currently doing his detention for breaking Malfoy's nose, and where their first intercourse was about to take place.
There was a dangerous half-smile on Snape's face. There was nothing in his eyes but cold determination.
It's time to start the show...
Snape yanked on the doorknob and the image spun again. Voldemort and Snape emerged from the multitude of colors and textures. They were alone in a dark room. There was a musty dampness in the air. They both had their eyes closed, but Voldemort had a terrifying smile of satisfaction on his face. The reason for this was the image Voldemort was seeing in Snape's head. The image of Harry, on his knees, with Snape's cock in his mouth...
Yes Yes Yes! Just like that! Absolutely delicious! - Voldemort's triumphant laughter burst his eardrums, but the image disappeared as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a scene in the Potions Master's office, with Malfoy and Snape standing in the middle. The man leaned over the Slytherin and hissed straight into his face:
"Don't come near him. Potter is untouchable. Do not harm a hair of his head! Is it clear?"
"Why?" Malfoy clenched his fists, rebellion shining in his gray eyes. "Why is he so important? Why did the Dark Lord tell me to silence all the rumors about what'd happened in Potions class and make sure no teachers found out about it? This made Slytherins hate me! They stopped listening on me! All because of Potter!"
"It's not your business. You promised the Dark Lord you would take care of this, so we expect you to fulfill your duty. You don't need to know the reasons. Should I tell him you're backing out? That you decided to disobey his orders?"
Fear appeared in the boy's eyes.
"No, but-"
Snape pulled out his wand and Malfoy's face showed genuine horror.
"I don't have time to play with you. You will be punished for your disobedience. Crucio!"
The room blurred and turned into the Potions classroom. Harry and Snape was standing facing each other, glaring at each other. And while Harry's look was more of a cry of despair and rebellion, Snape's eyes showed only cold calculation and steely hatred.
"I can fuck you, Potter. But do not expect anything more from me," Snape growled, emphasizing every word he said. As if he was soaking them with venom intended to bite. Deadly.
Harry grimaced. The anger in his eyes flared even more.
"I won't just be your whore!" he shouted.
Snape's eyes narrowed so much that they were nothing but narrow slits. They became icy cold.
"Then you will be nothing to me."
Harry's eyes widened. All the anger, all the rebellion disappeared from them. All that was left was a crack - a crack through which pain and disappointment was pouring out.
Oh hell! I let him provoke me.
"In that case, I will no longer bother you, sir." Harry said quietly and turned his back on Snape, moving toward the door.
Damn Potter! It won't be as easy as I thought. He will beg for these scraps of tenderness until I give them to him. Too bad, I'll have to compromise and force myself to do it, otherwise he's ready to slip away from me... - Burning anger appeared in the man's eyes as he watched Harry stagger to the door and disappear behind it. - Fuck, damned Potter!
The vision blurred and students appeared in the classroom. They were sitting quietly behind the desks, working on the potion. Everyone except Harry and Hermione, who weren't even in the room. Snape was sitting at his desk with his eyes fixed on the door. His face was full of rage.
After a moment, the doorknob moved and Hermione entered the classroom. Her lips were pursed and she seemed a little scared, but there was a fierceness in her eyes. Snape rose slowly, staring at her expectantly. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned around as she walked between the desks, heading towards the teacher who was radiating anger. The Gryffindor girl stopped and raised her hand, giving a small card to the man.
"I'm sorry, but Harry can't come to today's lesson because he's sick and he's currently in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey told me to give you Harry's excuse."
A fury flared in Snape's eyes. It didn't flow, it didn't appear, it just exploded.
"Sit down!" he growled, tearing the paper from Hermione's hand and tearing it into small pieces in front of the shocked girl.
How dare he? How dare he ignore me? How could he disrespect me so brazenly? Oh, every Gryffindor in this class, every one of his miserable friends will remember this lesson... I will destroy them all, I will torment them all. Potter will never even think about running away from me again.
The classroom began to swirl madly and turned into the Potions Master's office. Harry was sitting in the armchair across from Snape, his face in his hands. Just a moment ago, the man had offered him the tea with Veritaserum and Harry had confessed to him things he would never have dared to confess. The parts of his face that he couldn't cover with his hands were radiantly red.
Snape looked at him with narrowed eyes.
Oh, you love playing the victim, don't you, Potter?
Harry slowly lowered his hands, but did not immediately look at the man. He sighed deeply several times and only after a while he looked up. There was a wavering fierceness in his eyes that seemed as if the slightest gust of air could extinguish it.
I have to be careful. I have to do something that will give him at least a false sense of control over the situation.
"Why are you hurting yourself so much?" The Potions Master's voice was incredibly quiet and calm. Harry's eyes suddenly widened at those words. "If you are so afraid of your desires, I give you a choice." He pointed to the door. "You can leave if you want. I will not stop you."
Harry was sitting in the armchair, looking as if he was unable to move, and watching as Snape got up and walked over to the shelves, selected a book, and sat back in the armchair, absorbed in his reading.
I played it brilliantly. Do you think you have any choice, boy? It's just a matter of time...
Harry looked lost. He looked at Snape, then moved his gaze to the door. He looked at it for a moment, then took a very long, very deep breath before looking back at Snape. He closed his eyes, sighed deeply and rose from the chair.
So soon? I didn't even get to the second paragraph...
Harry stood up and slowly walked to the chair where Snape was sitting. He carefully took the book from his hands and placed it on the table, then raised his trembling hand and touched the man's cheek.
"I choose you," he whispered quietly.
What a surprise...
The image swirled again. The office turned into a corridor leading to the hospital wing, along which Snape storming down it, carrying a bloody, unconscious Harry in his arms, with streams of blood flowing down his bruised and scarred face, falling onto his black robe and soaking into it, or falling in single drops all the way to the floor and leaving a long dark red mark on it. An icy storm of anger was raging in the man's eyes - an anger so great that he looked almost possessed.
I'll kill him. I'll skin him and watch him die. No... I'll crush his skull, keep hitting it against the wall until it splits. No... I'll break his legs, cut off his fingers, and then burn him alive. No... it has to be something else... the most severe punishment. Because of this mindless idiot, my entire plan... could have all been ruined. If he killed Potter, I could say goodbye to my freedom. He won't run away from me. I will find him and... yes, I will use Legilimens Evocis. I will push him to hell. I'll lock him in the nightmares. And I'll get rid of these two idiots as well. I will take them to the Dark Lord, let him do whatever he wants with them. But Malfoy is mine!
He kicked open the hospital wing door and rushed inside. McGonagall, Dumbledore and Pomfrey, alerted by Ron and Hermione, were already waiting for him. McGonagall let out a cry of fear and covered her mouth with her hand when she saw Harry. Dumbledore's blue eyes showed fear and anger at the same time.
"Quick! Put him here, Severus!" Pomfrey shouted, pointing to the nearest bed.
Snape carefully placed Harry on the white sheets, which turned red almost immediately.
"Severus," Dumbledore began, placing a hand on Harry's chest. "We'll need your potions. Could you-? Severus!" He was unable to finish, because the man was already at the door, behind which he quickly disappeared, leaving only the echo of the slamming of the huge doors.
Everything blurred and Dumbledore's office appeared in the place of the hospital wing. The Headmaster was sitting at his desk with his hands clasped and his eyes serious. Snape was standing on the other side of the office, as straight as a statue, with a stony expression on his face.
"Are you absolutely sure about this, Severus?" Dumbledore asked, fixing a piercing look on the man.
"Yes, Headmaster. The boy went completely crazy. He wanted to kill Potter. They waited for him, intending to beat him to death. They weren't going to use magic to avoid being detected. He thought that this way he would gain the Dark Lord's gratitude..." Snape paused and licked his lips.
Dumbledore sighed deeply and looked down at his hands.
"How did you know he went to him?"
"I received a call."
Dumbledore closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I regret that I couldn't prevent it. I should have-"
"The Dark Lord does not forgive. There was nothing you could do, Headmaster."
Dumbledore opened his eyes and looked at Snape from under the curtain of gray hair.
"It's good that you brought his body back to the castle. At least we managed to save this much, because his mind will remain... massacred forever. Have Lucius and Narcissa-?"
"They didn't witness it."
"That's good." A moment of silence. "And-?"
"Crabbe died trying to protect his son. Goyle didn't say a word while Voldemort was torturing his son, but I suspect he won't show up at the next Death Eater meeting, which is practically the same as his death, because the Dark Lord will find and kill him anyway when he learns of his defection," Snape said in a measured, calm tone. There was nothing in his eyes but blackness, which now grew to swallow everything around it, and in the darkness a thought rang out.
It wouldn't even occur to that old fool that I might have had anything to do with it. That's right, I destroyed his mind and he will never be himself again. I gave him what he deserved. This is the punishment for those who try to get in my way.
Some shapes began to emerge from the darkness, which soon transformed into the Potions Master's office. Snape was standing by the open door, with Harry on the other side. The Gryffindor was staring at him with a dreamy smile on his face.
"What are you doing here, Potter?" the man asked tartly. "Shouldn't you be still in the hospital?"
"I left," Harry said. "Today. Can I... come in?" he asked shyly.
It wouldn't be wise to throw him away now.
Snape narrowed his eyes, but stepped aside and let him inside. As he closed the door, Harry rushed towards him and pinned him against the door, wrapping his arms around his waist. With a loud sigh, he rested his head on his chest wrapped in black fabric and closed his eyes. He pressed his cheek against the rough material.
"I missed you..." he whispered in the black robe, smiling warmly and cuddling into the man's chest.
Merlin, what a soppy kid... I feel like vomiting. Malfoy's willful action, however, had one clear effect. Potter thinks I saved him because I care about him... I became his 'hero'. Now it will be much easier to manipulate him. What a naive fool...
The vision transformed. Snape was standing in front of the chest of drawers, holding the green stone in his hand and frowning at it.
Thanks to this stone, I will keep an eye on Potter all the time. I can't let him get into trouble again. He's too important to my plan. Too important for anything to happen to him now.
The green of the gem grew, swallowing up all the details, but as it disappeared, the Potions Master's chambers reappeared. Harry was sitting in the armchair across from Snape, who was pouring himself a glass of amber liquid.
"What would you like to drink, Potter?"
I have to get him drunk. I need to find out what he dreamed about. What scared him so much?
The vision skipped. Harry was standing with clenched fists and a storm in his eyes, shouting in a broken voice.
"...You didn't have to hide from the whole school, spending days in bed, wrapped in an Invisibility Cloak so that no one would attack you! You didn't have to listen to malicious, nasty comments about yourself, or see nasty pictures of yourself hanging on every possible surface of the Common Room! You didn't have to be ashamed, or deny yourself or to run away! You were neither devastated, nor scared when you had discovered that it was all true, when you dreamed of me and masturbated thinking about me! No, I'm sure you didn't! You didn't dream of my touch, you didn't dream of my eyes, you weren't thinking about me all the time, knowing that you would probably never touch me, or feel me, that you would never have me! And then you didn't suddenly get everything you'd dreamt of, and you didn't have it so abruptly, painfully taken away when you realized that you meant nothing to me! And you probably never would... No, you didn't go through it all! You don't know how it is..." He paused, taking a breath.
Merlin, have mercy on me. Do I really have to listen to this? Has this kid made it his mission to torment me with his ridiculous problems? Experiencing everything and breaking it down into prime factors? No, Potter, I don't know what it's like. You mean nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. You're just a puppet in my hands. And I will find a way to make up for the fact that I have to sit here and listen to your childish, infantile complaints...
'Well, why don't you laugh?' Harry asked bitterly. "Go right ahead. I endured so many things that it wouldn't make much difference."
Believe me, I'm actually bursting out laughing...
"I had no such intention," the man replied calmly. Harry bit his lip.
Now I have a chance...
"Is this what bothers you at night, Potter? Or is there something else?"
Harry sank back into the chair. He blinked a few times, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He looked like he didn't know where he was or what was going on.
"What did you ask me?" he said, putting his glasses back on and looked with suspicion at his glass.
"We were talking about your dreams," Severus replied smoothly.
"Oh, yes," Harry muttered. 'It was horrible."
If stupidity had an appearance, it would wear round glasses and had a scar on its forehead.
"What was so horrible? - the man asked insistently.
Harry waved his hand.
"That dream about blood and Death Eaters." The Gryffindor frowned as if trying to remember the details. "Voldemort was in it, too. They were standing all around, laughing at me, and I was naked and there was blood everywhere. It was flooding over me, I couldn't breathe. Voldemort said something about... a feast? I think so. I was afraid, I couldn't do anything. I wanted to call you through the stone, but I didn't have it. They took it away from me along with my clothes. And then I heard... your voice. You said..." he hesitated and looked at Snape. The Potions Master was leaning forward and staring at him with such attention and intensity as if Harry's dream were the most interesting thing in the world.
"What did I say?" he asked with a strain in his voice, his eyes almost drilling into Harry.
"You said... that this time no one would save me."
Snape turned pale a little, and something like a fear flashed in his eyes.
Damn it! Had he figured me out? Had he somehow found out about my plan? But how? It's impossible!
The vision skipped again.
"Severus... call me Harry. You never call me like that."
"And I'm not going to start," the Potions Master drawled.
I swear I'm about to put a curse on him...
"No?" Harry looked gloomy for a moment. "Then maybe you could say it in a phrase: Harry Potter likes me?"
You think you're funny, Potter? You are pathetic.
The last two words echoed off the invisible walls of his mind, causing the image to ripple and change. This time Severus was in his secret laboratory and with a focused expression on his face he was cradling a greenish liquid in a small vial in his hand.
If I calculated the proportions correctly, I should have added thirteen drops, each exactly two seconds apart from the previous one. - He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. - If something goes wrong, I'll have to start over... - He opened his eyes and suspended his hand ten centimeters above the liquid bubbling in the cauldron. He tilted the vial and watched with furrowed brows as the first drop fell into the cauldron. After two seconds, the second one fell. Then another and another. There were still three left when the absolute silence was broken by an insistent knock on the door of Severus' chambers. The sudden and unexpected noise knocked the man off balance, his hand trembled and several drops fell into the mixture at once. The potion hissed and turned poisonous turquoise.
A fury filled Snape's eyes. He looked up at the door. The hand that held the vial was shaking.
The knocking came again, even louder and more insistent.
Potter! I swear you'll regret this!
With uncontrollable anger, he smashed the vial on the floor and, like a hail cloud heralding a real storm, ran out of the room. The wall closed behind him just before he flung the door open.
"Good evening, Severus," Harry said quickly and without hesitation he slipped inside, slipping under the man's arm and looking around the room. Snape slowly closed the door behind him. His eyes were flashing with the lightnings - the lightnings made of ice.
Harry turned and when his eyes fell on the man's face, a fear and uncertainty appeared on it.
"Everything's okay?" he asked uncertainly. "I hope I didn't disturb you in any way." He looked around the room again.
"What do you want, Potter?" Snape's voice was like a steel blade. Cold and hurtful. "Have you come to please me?"
"I just-" Harry opened his mouth, but the man didn't let him finish.
"Do not talk, just undress. Would you rather satisfy me first-" The long fingers suggestively went to the zipper, but after a while they stopped, and the man's face contorted into a cruel, mocking expression "-or maybe I should fuck you right away?" The boy just stood there and stared at him with his mouth open. "Are you just going to stand there and stare at me, Potter? On your knees!"
Oh yes, I can see it hurts you. Very well. You will pay for what you did. It will hurt even more. I will teach you that this is not a hotel where you can come unannounced. I will teach you the obedience.
"What is it, Potter? That's what you came for, isn't it? You always come only for that," Snape hissed, watching with pleasure every spasm of pain his words brought to Harry's face.
"I see you're in a bad mood," the boy finally managed to say in a quiet, cracking voice. "I'll go then. I don't want..."
Oh no, I'm not done with you yet!
"I'm always in a bad mood when you hang around me like a pathetic, whimpering pup," the man growled, glaring at him murderously. - A devoted, addicted pup which will do anything he is told to. Come on..."
"Shut up!" A furious scream escaped Harry's lips, and the air rippled with the suggestion of the satisfied laughter that echoed in Snape's soul. Everything went dark as the laughter slowly faded away and the vision flashed again.
Harry was sitting in the chair across from Snape. There was determination on his face when he said.
"I'll kill him. I will kill Voldemort."
Snape gave him a very long look.
Really? You? You want to kill the most powerful wizard of all time? Don't make me laugh... You'll never succeed. You can't do anything. You are zero.
"And how are you going to do it?" Snape finally asked.
"I don't know yet" the boy replied quietly and, seeing the mocking smile that appeared on the Potions Master's face, he added quickly "I'll will find a way, though. Voldemort will pay for everything, even if it's the last thing I'll do!"
Snape stopped looking at Harry mockingly and frowned.
"Should I take this as your willingness to sacrifice your life in order to kill the Dark Lord?"
Would you like to make it easier for me, Potter?
"I know that there is little I can do, and he is extremely powerful. But I'll try, and if I die... at least I will take him with me."
Severus' face turned gray and his eyebrows rose.
Come on, Potter... Sometimes you hit the nail on the head. Where did you come up with this idea? Have I betrayed myself in some way? No, that's impossible... You're too dense to notice some minor nuances. Of course you will take the Dark Lord with you... but only with my help.
"Of course. You love to play the hero, Potter. The truth is, you are just an ordinary fool. You wouldn't be even able to hurt the Dark Lord. You can't do anything. He'd kill you before you could make a sound. Regardless of how noble the motives are that drive you, whatever you try to do, you have no chance against him."
You can only be useful as bait. Like a cuckoo in the nest. You have no other value.
The image wavered again and the vision skipped. They were both still sitting in front of the fireplace, but Snape looked nervous and irritated.
"You couldn't learn how to defend yourself against regular Legilimens, but you would like to deal with Legilimens Evocis? Don't make me laugh, Potter," the man snorted, turning his face toward the fireplace.
"I don't want Voldemort to cast this spell on me. I'd rather die than live in a nightmare!" Harry exclaimed, his voice breaking. Snape looked at him and pursed his lips.
"The Dark Lord will not cast this spell on you, Potter," Snape said in a firm voice, rising from his chair.
He has completely different plans for you...
The vision faded, replaced by another one. Severus was sitting at the staff table in the Great Hall, watching Harry run out of the room. Next to him there was the Daily Prophet with the striking title: "Harry Potter - The Hope of the Wizarding World or a Coward?"
Damn, this stupid boy is so oversensitive there's no telling what he's going to think next. I'll have to talk some sense into him. I will take advantage of this situation. I will rebuild his trust. There's some acting ahead of me, but Potter is so naive that he'll swallow the hook without a second thought.
The image swirled and transformed. Snape's bedroom appeared, and Harry - sitting on his bed with his legs spread wide and his hand wrapped around his erect cock. Completely naked, except for a green tie tied around his neck, which was swaying steadily in rhythm with Harry moving his hand as he masturbated in front of Snape. Only in front of Snape. Only for him.
The black eyes were fixed on Harry with stunning intensity.
Perfect... The Dark Lord will be delighted...
The vision was drowned in light, and after a moment another image emerged from the brightness. It was the Potions Master's chambers again, but this time the atmosphere was completely different. Snape was walking toward Harry, glaring at him murderously, and Harry was backing away from him, a mixture of fear and rage on his face.
"I've had enough of this!" he shouted, his voice breaking. "You can't treat me this way! Do you think you can do with me whatever you like and I'll let you?"
One of Snape's eyebrows rose in amusement.
No, I don't think so, Potter. I know this. You will always let me do everything because you are too weak to defend yourself from me.
"I mean..." Harry stammered. "Maybe it was like that before, but from now on it's going to change! You will not treat me like dirt anymore! That's enough!"
Snape stopped suddenly, looking at Harry with a mixture of disdain and curiosity. As one could look at the struggling insect that is trying to get away from the cobweb surrounding it.
"And how will you forbid me it, Potter?" he hissed in a menacing, dark whisper. ''How will you forbid me to use my property the way I want to?''
Yes, Potter, you heard that right. You are my property. Your life depends only on me and I will decide what I will do with it.
The vision changed suddenly. Now Snape was standing right behind Harry, his hands in his underpants and whispering into his ear:
"I'll tell you the truth about you, Potter," the man murmured quietly, slowly unzipping Harry's trousers. "You want it. You love to provoke me so that I can break you." Snape pushed his trousers off his hips and let them fall to his knees. "And you love it when I do it. When I call you to order, when I break your resistance, when I punish you," the man continued, and a pale hand with slender fingers slipped under the material of his boxers.
So hard... how little it takes to get you to this state...
"Because you love feeling this way, Potter," Snape continued. "Dirty and humiliated. Broken and dominated. And I know you hate the part of you that likes it, but you can't stop." Harry groaned. One of the Potions Master's hands moved back and stopped on his buttocks, spreading them slightly with his fingers. "You love-" the voice became hoarse "-to squirm at my feet."
How simple it is. How easy you are to manipulate, boy... I know exactly what you want. I give it to you and you instantly turn into a whimpering, submissive puppy. My own whore...
Whore...
Whore...
Whore...
The echo carried that one word into the ether, causing the image to ripple and transform. The chambers reappeared, but it was a completely different scene. They both were sitting in armchairs facing each other.
"You know... I wonder..." Harry, who had been staring at his lap, looked up at the Potions Master who was watching him intently. "When you're with Voldemort and when he tells you to do all these... things... I mean, cast all kinds of curses... You said that to cast them, you have to really want to. So how do you-?" he stopped, seeing the sudden gleam in the man's eyes.
Understanding dawned on Harry's face, followed by a horror.
Snape's lips curled into a dark smile.
"Are you surprised, Potter?"
Harry looked as if he had been severely shocked. He was staring into space with the wide eyes, and then shook his head.
"It's impossible."
"Why not?" Severus asked mockingly.
"Does that... does that mean that you... you like it? You said you must really want it. Do you really-?" he stopped when Snape leaned towards him and narrowed his eyes.
"What I like, what I have to do, and what I want, are completely different things, Potter."
Oh, of course I like to cause pain, but only when I have a purpose and when I want it. And while serving the Dark Lord, I must inflict it all the time, even when I think it's completely unnecessary. And that's why I want to be free from him. No one will be above me anymore. I will do it on my own terms. But you won't understand it, Potter.
Harry frowned.
"But do you-?"
"The human mind is a very interesting tool. You can use it well, as long as you know where the lock is, and how to open it. Once you do this, you can do anything. You can force your mind to do things which, in theory, you should never be able to do. For example, kill a man. Or become attached to him emotionally. Or to hate him. This is control."
Only thanks to it I can somehow bear your presence and I'm able to touch you...
The image dissolved and then sharpened, transforming into the Great Hall. Snape was sitting at the staff table and watching Harry, who looked like he was about to fall asleep and hit his head on a plate of food.
There's something wrong with him. I don't like the look on his face. When he looks at me, I see fear in his eyes. I have to watch him closely...
The vision changed. The Potions class appeared. Snape was standing behind Harry and watching his clenched, trembling hand.
He's tense. You can see it in his every gesture. Is he afraid of me. Why?
The vision faded, replaced by another one. Snape was standing with his arm outstretched in front of the door to his chambers, examining Harry with the cold eyes.
"Give back what you stole," he hissed.
"I-I-" Harry choked out.
"Don't make me search you," the man growled, glaring at him menacingly.
Harry bit his lip.
He walked up to the man, took the Dreamless Sleep Potion out of his pocket, and handed it to him without a word. Snape looked at the bottle and his face went pale for a moment and his eyes widened.
Damn it! That's why he was acting so strange... He must have had a dream again. And it must've been so suggestive that he tried to hide it from me and started avoiding me. I don't like it...
"Why didn't you ask me for this, Potter?"
"I-I... I didn't want to bother you. That's why I took this potion myself. So that... you wouldn't worry."
How touching...
"How very kind of you," Severus snorted, glaring at him piercingly. "So it has nothing to do with you looking like a lunatic? You probably had another dream you want to forget about?"
"I... I mean..." he stammered. "I had a dream in which I was being chased by a herd of spiders, and I am very afraid of them. And that's why I wanted to take it."
"Really?" One of Snape's eyebrows rose. "Spiders? Or maybe even… mice?"
What a miserable liar... Lying, insolent little brat. Does he think he can cheat on me? Does he think he can hide the truth from me? How wrong he is...
Harry bit his lip.
"I knew that when I told you about it, you would laugh at me" the Gryffindor said, looking straight into the man's eyes. "That's why I didn't want to involve you in this. Now, could you please give me that potion?"
I have to take a risk. I need to get into his mind. I'll do it by surprise.
"Very well. I'll spare you this time, Potter. But if I catch you ferreting in my office once again, you'll bitterly regret it. Next time, come and ask me if you need anything," he said, handing him back the potion bottle.
"Thank you," the boy muttered.
The man stepped aside, letting Harry into the chamber, and as soon as the boy crossed the threshold and the door slammed shut, Snape grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pressed him against the wooden surface, then pointed his wand at him and hissed:
"Legilimens Evocis!"
It all happened in a flash. The vision was drowned in a blinding light, and after a moment a dream emerged from the light. However, it wasn't the dream Harry remembered. This one was completely different.
Harry, pinned to the wall by Snape. Snape, leaning over him and pressing his lips to his neck. Snape, transforming into Voldemort, whose teeth were sunk into Harry's skin, but after a moment he pulled away and with Harry's blood running down his chin, he smiled terrifyingly.
"What happened, boy?" he hissed, narrowing his red eyes. "You like pain, after all."
Severus. Severus, who appeared behind Voldemort, walking away decisively and not looking back.
"Severus! Don't leave me here!"
"Nobody will help you, boy. You are completely alone. And your blood belongs only to me now."
Suddenly the scene began to lose clarity, being replaced by another one. Overlaid with the flashes of the forest, spiders, and Harry running away, looking back in horror.
Snape's chambers reappeared. Harry was pinned against the door with a look of absolute emptiness in his eyes as awareness slowly flooded in. He blinked and shook his head.
"What happ-" He couldn't finish because Snape yanked him, dragged him to the door and threw him out into the corridor, and then said:
"I told you I'm busy, Potter. Your detention won't take place today" he slammed the door in his face. The man turned around and leaned his back against the wooden surface.
For Merlin's sake! It was close... really close... I hope I have cleared his memory of even the slightest suspicions. Why did Potter have this dream? Why was he suspicious? Apparently I played it wrong, but I won't make that mistake again. I need to devote more time to it. Give him more. Give him enough so that not even a shadow of suspicion appears in his mind. Deceive him with gestures and what he calls tenderness...
The vision slowly faded away and another one appeared in its place. Harry was sitting on Snape's lap, moving on top of him and swaying his hips in slow circles. Severus pressed his lips to his shoulder, alternating between inhaling the scent of the leather and placing kisses on it. Harry buried his face in the man's neck, but after a moment he lifted his head and looked at Severus. Their eyes met and trembling words escaped Harry's lips:
"You drive me crazy."
The man raised his hand and gently removed Harry's fogged glasses, setting them aside, then threaded his fingers into Harry's hair and began stroking it. Harry closed his eyes, and when he opened them, the tears were glistening in the corners of his eyes. Severus pulled his face in, stroking his messy hair as it slipped through his slender fingers. Harry closed his eyes again and the man gently kissed his eyelids.
And then the both bodies tensed and two gasps escaped their mouths. Snape squeezed his eyes shut. Tears flowed from Harry's closed eyelids, but his face showed only pure joy. After a moment, they both relaxed and Harry's head fell onto the man's shoulder. Snape raised his hand and started rubbing his back. Slowly and gently.
"Are you all right?" he asked quietly in a low, hoarse voice.
"Yes," Harry replied hoarsely, trembling under the touch of Snape's hand.
The man opened his eyes. The satisfaction that burned within them transformed into something cold and dark. A triumphant smile appeared on thin lips.
I got you!
The vision transformed. This time the Potions Master's office came into the view. Harry was sitting at a small table in the corner of the room. There was a drawer filled with small black notes on the counter in front of him, but the boy wasn't interested in them at all. He was staring at Severus sitting at the desk with a dreamy smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes.
"We could do it on this desk," Harry said, examining the piece of furniture and licking his lips. "It's perfect."
"Would you kindly explain to me what's so perfect about my desk, Potter?" Snape asked mockingly.
"It's so... big," Harry replied, then blushed and quickly added. "I mean... it's bigger than the desk in the classroom. And it's black. Like your bed, Severus."
"Are you drunk, Potter?"
"No, I'm not. It's just-" Harry waved his hand in a vague direction, pointing at the wall and ceiling, "everything is so beautiful."
Snape looked at the shelves filled with brown, dusty jars, the threadbare carpet and the dark ceiling and raised his eyebrows. Then he moved his gaze again to Harry, who was smiling carelessly and staring at him as if he was a captivating picture, and his expression changed instantly. The features of his face sharpened, the darkness in his eyes deepened, and a crooked smile appeared on his lips.
A measure of acting, a pinch of closeness, a drop of tenderness and there you go... the perfect recipe to attach him to you and remove any doubts from his head. I just have to keep it like this until the end...
The vision rippled and flickered into a succession of rapidly changing images: Snape giving the paralyzed Harry the antidote... Harry and Snape talking about Quidditch... Snape hugging Harry in the bathroom, caressing his cheek... Fucking him on the desk and emphatically saying "There is... only... you... Potter...". Harry and Snape, sitting in their chambers and eating dinner together...
And somewhere in the background there were echoes of many thoughts, superimposed on each other and difficult to understand, but the clearest ones could be distinguished from them.
He almost got killed... At the last moment... He would've destroyed everything... I have to endure his company... I think I need a drink... Soon... Naive... Gullible... Attract him to me... Vamp him... Really soon...
The blinding light triggered another vision. Snape was climbing the stairs in Gryffindor Tower. He looked like he was in a real hurry. But in the ether, instead of his thoughts, there was only a strange noise, some undefined buzz, and the disturbances.
The man said the password and went through the hole hidden behind the Fat Lady's portrait, then entered the Gryffindor Common Room, where Harry was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. Snape stopped for a moment and then moved towards him, but then something happened. The vision stopped suddenly, then the image rolled back and Snape entered the Common Room again, walked a short distance, and everything stopped again, began to wave, fade, and then rolled back again. Eventually everything was engulfed in darkness and there was complete silence for a moment.
After a while, some shapes began to emerge from the darkness. It was the Great Hall, decorated with Christmas decorations. Teachers and students were sitting together at the staff table, including Harry and Snape. Dumbledore, dressed in his festive purple robe, was giving a Christmas speech. Everyone was staring at the Headmaster with smiles on their faces, only Snape was looking at him with a gloomy look.
"I wish you all perseverance and courage on the winding paths of life, fraught with obstacles and difficult choices, but know that you will always find your way if you only follow the light of love. I also wish that this holiday will change something in your life, so that you can live it with joy and a smile on your face" Dumbledore glanced at the sour Snape, and his eyes twinkled. "And I hope that we will also meet here next year, regardless of what happens in the meantime."
At the same moment, Snape frowned, looked away and stopped at the candle burning in the candlestick.
Oh, a lot will happen... The Dark Lord will be dead, Potter too, and you as well, if I'm lucky... and I'll be long gone...
"And now that's enough, because you're probably as hungry as I am. Merry Christmas, full belly and have fun!" the Headmaster exclaimed jovially and everyone applauded, including Harry. The Potions Master clapped twice, flicked his eyes over Harry's face, and quickly moved them back to the candle flame, which grew, consuming the entire scene and turning it into another.
Snape's bedroom emerged from the flames, bathed in the dim light of just a few lit candles. Harry and Snape were standing in the doorway to the bathroom. Severus was wrapping his arms around Harry and the boy was burying his face in his chest. He was pale and trembling slightly.
"You'll be fine... right?"
Snape moved and pulled away, taking Harry's face in his hands and lifting it up. He looked him straight in the eyes and said quietly:
"Yes, I'll be fine. It was just a dream."
"You promise?" There was desperation in Harry's voice.
"I promise," the man replied, a barely visible, crooked smile appearing on his face." Your concern is touching, Potter." Snape let go of his face and straightened up. "Now go back to bed. Or do you want to stand here until the morning feeling sorry for yourself?"
Harry smiled involuntarily.
"No," he replied.
"That's something new," the man snorted, stepping away and turning his head away. His voice suddenly became sharper. "You love feeling sorry for yourself."
I need to babysit you all the time, Potter, comfort you, support you, pull you out of yet another hole you have decided to dig yourself in your spiral of self-destruction. You just keep moaning and wailing. You're driving me crazy. How can such a hypersensitive, pathetic child be considered a secret weapon in the fight against the Dark Lord? How could Dumbledore be so delusional as to think you could defeat him? You are too weak, too stupid...
"I'm not feeling sorry for myself," Harry replied. "I just had a bad dream. I told you we could go to sleep now."
"Good, because I'm tired of babysitting you," Snape replied tartly.
I despise the weaklings like you. You have nothing of value to offer. No extraordinary power, no feature that would interest me. Nothing but loyalty and devotion, but these can be developed in any dog picked up off the street. If I didn't need you to kill the Dark Lord, I wouldn't bother with you at all.
The image began to wave and blur. The shadows of the other scenes overlapped him. They were back in the Potions Master's chambers, sitting in the armchairs across from each other.
"I wonder... what would happen if you drank this potion? What is your greatest desire?" Harry asked, smiling mischievously.
Severus's eyes lit up suddenly, briefly, as he turned his head towards the bookcase. He looked at it for a moment, and a single, but very clear thought echoed in the air:
Control yourself! Pull yourself together immediately!
He slowly turned back to Harry. His eyes were once again as black as a lake on a windless night, and his face was unreadable.
"I have no desires, Potter," he replied firmly, with bitterness in his voice. "I'm busy right now, Potter," he said suddenly, jumping up from his chair and turning towards his bedroom, "so I hope you can make it to the exit yourself. Goodbye." After these words, he moved forward and left the room in a few steps, slamming the door loudly. Once he was alone in his dark bedroom, he leaned back against the wooden surface, bowed his head, and squeezed his eyes shut.
The image shook and shattered into many pieces, each reflecting many different scenes. After a while, however, they all merged into one, revealing a vast, dark room with several dozen people dressed in the dark robes, hoods and masks, standing around the walls. The absolute, horrified silence that hung in the air was the result of the scene unfolding in the center of the room. Everyone present looked at the man dressed in black, tied by his wrists to heavy magical chains hanging from the ceiling. His back was bare and his head was tilted forward, hiding his face under a curtain of black hair. His chest was moving in shallow, quick breaths. His shackled hands were clenched into fists with such force that his nails dug into his skin and blood flowed down his wrists, soaking into the cuffs of his robe.
Voldemort - who was standing in front of him - lowered his wand, anger burning in his red eyes.
"You disappointed me. I gave you a clear order and you ignored it. This was not what I expected from one of my most faithful servants. You were supposed to extract information from them, very important information for us. Not to kill them!" he roared with fury that turned his face into a ghastly mask.
Severus moved and lifted his head. His black eyes, devoid of any emotion, rested on Voldemort.
"Forgive me, my Lord," he whispered in a hoarse, scratchy voice.
Voldemort extended his wand arm again and began circling him like a predator preparing to deal the final blow to its prey.
"I never forgive," Voldemort hissed, stopping behind Snape's back and raising his hand. He pointed his wand at the man's bare back, and several words in Parseltongue fell from his mouth in a hiss. Severus jerked and arched forward as if trying to escape the pain. His head lifted, his eyes squeezed shut, his teeth bared. The pulsing veins appeared on his temples and neck as the skin on his back opened as if cut by an invisible scalpel, etching three long, bloody marks. But the blood didn't stop flowing, even when Voldemort lowered his wand. Severus struggled in his restraints, and although no sound came from his pursed, pale mouth, his face, hardened with pain, screamed. The cuts on his back seemed to become more and more visible, as if something was cutting them open again and again.
Voldemort looked around the room, at the Death Eaters gathered here - frozen in terrified silence - and spoke:
"This is the punishment for those who do not follow my orders. Remember this."
The vision shuddered again and shattered into the shards, in which subsequent scenes loomed. The burning houses, a young woman writhing in spasms of pain, the curses flying in the air, Severus' hand casting spells on people, on muggles and wizards, on fathers, mothers and children, Severus' voice uttering curse after curse...
Crucio Sectumsempra Flagello Lacrima Avada Kedavra CrucioAvadaKedavraCrucioAvadaKedavraCrucioCrucioCruc-
All the shards merged into one again, but this time it showed Dumbledore's office. Snape was holding his left forearm and the Headmaster was walking around the room.
"I knew he would come back someday, but I didn't expect it would happen so soon. You must answer his call. You must go to him, Severus. You have to become our spy."
Snape's face was emotionless, although his eyes were full of fire.
"Headmaster... The Dark Lord considers me a traitor. He will kill me as soon as I set foot in the Death Eater circle."
Dumbledore stopped and gave him a long look.
"He will not kill you. He needs his servants now, he needs their strength to start his crusade again. He can't kill you."
"But he can torture me..." Snape paused.
Dumbledore sighed and looked down.
"We will have to take this risk. Only you can get close enough to him to be able to follow his every move and report everything to us."
There was an even greater fire in Severus's eyes, although there was no warmth in it at all.
"Are you telling me to go to him knowing that I may not return? You make me crawl in front of him, knowing that the only thing I can get from him in greeting is a series of Cruciatus?"
The Headmaster didn't answer for a long time. He was standing with his head down, staring at the carpet. After a moment, however, he raised his face and looked at Severus standing in front of him, whose fists were trembling.
"Yes," he replied quietly, and the image shattered into tiny shards again, and when the fragments of the many scenes of tortures, red-splattered white masks, and life fading in terrified eyes came back together, they showed Snape standing in the darkness of the bedroom, his eyes clenched and his posture tense. There was a door slamming in the distance. The man lifted his eyes. There was nothing but an ice in his black irises now.
So many years of waiting... but it will be over soon.
The image wavered and changed again, transforming the bedroom into a dark room with only two people in it: Snape and Voldemort. Voldemort was laughing as he was watching the vision in his servant's head - Severus brutally fucking Harry, ruthlessly pounding into his soft flesh and making him whimper. Satisfied, the Dark Lord left the man's mind and smiled broadly, which in his case did not mean happy at all. Snape was standing straight as a string, holding a mask in his hand, which was covered in the red and black streaks of the dried drops of blood. His motionless face, staring into the distance, resembled the same mask.
"You gave me such a pleasure today. You deserve a reward."
Severus bowed his head submissively.
"The joy of being able to show you this again is a reward in itself, my Lord."
A high-pitched, feminine laugh echoed through the airwaves. The air began to boil, and a moment later the dark room transformed into a small bedroom, which Snape and Bellatrix was searching.
"What's it like to fuck such a butthead?" Bellatrix asked, searching through the cabinets and chests of drawers in the room while Snape cast some non-verbal spells on the walls. "How can you not be disgusted to even touch him?"
"You know that I'm always given the most ungrateful tasks," the man snorted, kicking an overturned chair in his way. "But at least I have the satisfaction of imagining what his filthy father would do if he saw me having fun with his only son."
"Or that miserable godfather of his. Oh, I can already imagine his face if he saw that his godson had turned into such a little whore," Bellatrix giggled, throwing the drawers onto the floor.
"It has long been known that Potter is an imbecile. I always thought he was completely devoid of any talent, but recently I had to verify my opinion..."
"Yes?" the woman asked curiously, turning her head toward him.
"Potter has an unrivaled talent for blowjobs."
This remark led Bellatrix to burst into another burst of sonorous laughter.
"I see that our little Golden Boy has turned into a real trollop by his professor's side," she snorted, returning to searching the wardrobe and the trunks and suitcases inside. "You've probably already trained him very well, Sevy. Will he follow you without hesitation?"
The vision faded into darkness, from which the Potions Master's chamber slowly emerged. Harry was sitting on Severus' lap, nuzzled into his neck. He was falling asleep.
Snape, leaning back in his chair, was staring into space. His face was completely unreadable. There was only the same strange noise in the air as before. Some irregular interference.
"Enough of this," the man suddenly said, closing his eyes for a moment and sighing. "You are going to sleep." After these words, he put his hands under Harry's buttocks and lifted him up, barely getting up from the chair with him and moving towards the bedroom. But when he reached the door, the vision stopped, the image began to shake, and it moved backwards. Snape sat in the chair again with Harry on his lap, staring into space. The noise grew louder. The man stood up, picked Harry up, and moved towards the bedroom, but the image wavered and jammed again. There was a loud pop in the ether and everything disappeared. There was silence.
After a while, however, the image came back in flashing memories one after the other, moving so fast that it was difficult to recognize them at all. There was Snape in blood-stained Death Eater robes and a wounded hand, Snape calling Harry to him with the stone, fucking him in the cupboard, in his office, in the chamber, by the door, on the floor, on the desk...
The thoughts resounded in the ether, layered on top of each other, tangled, reflecting off each other, drowning out each other.
Let him think he won this battle... let him delude himself... It doesn't change anything... He might be useful at least to satisfying me... I'll have some fun with him before he dies... I deserve some reward for having to endure his presence...
Among all the scenes, there was one who was clearer than the others - Harry, who leaves a stone on the desk, turns and leaves the classroom. And out of the crowd of thoughts, a few clearer ones stood out:
Damn it! I let him provoke me... Well, Potter, the truth is painful, but it's entirely your fault for having to hear it. It's nothing, though. You'll come back to me anyway. I'll take a break from you until I finish the potion, and then... then I'll have to play this game a little more intense than before, but I'll trick you into coming back to me without a second thought.
Game... is the perfect word. You are a pawn in my game. A pawn that must be sacrificed to capture the king. This is the only possible move. But the most important thing is to keep the pawn on the board, because without it I will never be able to threaten the king.
The image stopped suddenly, revealing Severus holding Harry close to him, burying his face in his hair and pressing his lips to the skin on the top of his head.
"You are not nothing to me," Severus whispered hoarsely, then pulled away a little and said much louder, "Do you hear me? Look at me." Harry lifted his head, looking at his face with wide eyes. At the same moment, the man raised his hand and began to gently stroke his cheek, caressing his skin, lips, nose... "You are not," he repeated quietly.
What a liar you are...
The vision swirled and blurred, revealing Snape's chamber. The man was sitting in an armchair, staring at the door. His eyebrows were furrowed, there was something strange in his eyes, some... nervousness. Something like impatient waiting. After a while, however, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, sighing deeply.
At last. How many times have I imagined the moment when I will bring Potter to him and he - convinced of his victory - will drain all the power from the boy. And Potter will fall lifeless, and a moment later there will be this wonderful moment... the moment I have been waiting for for so many years... The Dark Lord will fall. And he won't arise ever again.
Snape lifted his eyes just as the door opened and Harry entered the room, dressed in a sweater and jacket. There was a smile on his face.
"Good evening, Severus."
The vision began to fade, crackling noises were heard in the ether, louder and more insistent, the image disappeared completely, as if it had fallen apart, but the thoughts could still be heard:
He's not ready... He doesn't trust me... He hesitates... He served me well... He wasn't a difficult target... I'll give him everything he wants... I'll reward him... Desire for desire... He will trust me implicitly... When I come back he will do everything I ask him for... Without hesitation... He will die... They will both die... He means nothing to me... A naive fool...
"Enooooough! Enough already! I don't want anymore! Nooooo!"
Harry pulled his head out with all his might. Everything spun with such force that if he hadn't held on to the Pensieve, he would have surely fallen to the floor. His head was spinning and his knees were shaking.
He was back in Snape's secret lab. Before him, the golden ribbons swirled in the Pensieve, but he could not see them. He stared into the space with wide eyes. The green irises seemed completely blank, and the face was frozen in an expression of absolute shock. He didn't move. He wasn't able to do it. He looked as if his life had just been taken from him. As if he was petrified, turned into a hollow shell. His pale cheeks were shining, and in the velvety silence only the dull beating of the heart could be heard.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
He finally moved. Very slowly, like a sleepwalker roused from sleep, he lowered his head and looked at the box he still held in his hand. It was completely crushed.
...You are always in my thoughts, in my heart...
...I hate missing you...
...You are everything I need and everything worth living for...
...I fell in love with you...
...If you'd like to tear this feeling away, you'd need to tear my heart away as well...
The box slipped from his hand and fell to the floor, opening. The green eyes began to tremble, moving from side to side as if in some crazy dance, as if they were searching for something. Something to hold on to, anything, to keep him from falling into the abyss.
This-
This is-
All this-
It can't-
Can't be-
It definitely can't-
Oh my god...
Oh my god!
He took a step back and staggered, struggling to stay on his shaking legs. He opened his mouth and tried to take a breath, but it seemed as if all the air had evaporated and all he could inhale was terror. The terror that bit his soul from the inside and devoured it.
A lie. Everything was just that. Just a lie. A cruel, merciless, perfect lie. Everything. Everything he knew, everything he wanted to get. Every step, every battle won, every new gesture... all this didn't exist? Nothing existed? Nothing was real?
Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.
He felt his heart screaming, squirming, hurting, struggling. He placed his hand on it as if trying to shield it; to cup it; to calm it down, at least a little; to stop it from shattering.
The whole world was falling apart and he had nothing to hold on to. Nothing.
Everything was drifting away... every moment he thought- every moment he hoped- every moment he was happy. Every whisper, touch, look... everything was drifting away. The pain was unbearable as more memories were dying in his heart. One by one, they were fading away like dying stars, leaving behind only darkness and void.
Air... he couldn't breathe. He had to... get out of here... now! As soon as possible!
He turned around on weak legs and... froze, completely paralyzed, and every muscle in his body tensed.
Snape. It was Snape. He was standing against the wall, at the entrance to the laboratory, resting his hand on the shelf nearby. He looked at Harry. He was extremely pale and his face looked like a wax mask. The green flame of the candle was reflecting in the black, expressionless eyes. He resembled a ghost emerging from the darkness.
Harry felt an uncontrollable wave of hatred wash over him for this... this... someone... Because it wasn't Snape anymore. Now it was just... a stranger. An enemy. A liar. A fake. A murderer.
"Don't come near me, you Death Eater!" he shouted in a broken voice, yanking his wand from his pocket and pointing it towards the dark statue. He wanted to hurt him; to curse him; to destroy him; to trample him; to inflict on him such pain that he had never felt before; to turn the suffering into a curse and throw it at him, then watch him curl up and scream...
His hand was shaking so much that the tip of his wand was making irregular circles in the air, scattering red sparks of hate. The black eyes moved down slightly, looking at the wand, then moved back to Harry's face.
"How could you? How could you do this to me? How could you deceive me like that? How could you use me so vilely? How could you hate me? All this time! How could you?!"
Snape remained silent. His thinly pressed lips were almost white.
The pain was getting worse, unbearable. He transformed into a berserk beast, tearing Harry apart from the inside, crushing his insides, tearing his muscles.
"Answer me, you traitor! Why the hell are you silent? It was all just a game to you! A pathetic gameplay! I never meant anything to you! Nothing! You've been lying this whole time! All the damn time!" Harry's voice broke. He swallowed the tears that unnoticeably flowed into his mouth.
Snape was standing as if he was carved from a stone. He was even paler than before. He resembled a ghost now. He didn't move. He was just watching.
"You used me! You used my desire for your desire! I thought that at least you... that at least you didn't think of me as a tool! That you're the only one not trying to use me! And you are the same! You're even worse! You are a monster! No man could- could- All this time- Oh god!" Harry grabbed his wand with both hands to hold it. He had no self-control. He couldn't control the disgust filling him, which was seeping from the tip of his wand in the form of increasingly hotter, increasingly violent hissing sparks.
"How could you? How could you show him our moments? These were our memories! How could you?!"
Snape pursed his lips even tighter, even though it seemed impossible.
"Well, answer me! Brag about what a laughingstock I was to you! Tell me how you laughed at me for being such a blinded idiot! Tell me how much fun you had when you showed him our intimate moments, you sick fucker!"
Snape didn't answer, though. He didn't say a single word. He was just standing there... with his big nose, greasy hair, long, dirty yellow fingers, hideous face...
"How could I see anything in you? You are disgusting! You're... you're... nothing to me! I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you!" Nothing. No reaction. "I will never forgive you this! Never!"
Before he knew it, he was outside, running away from him, from this- this- He was running through the living room, the office, as far away from here as he could because he felt like if he stayed here even a minute longer, he would either throw up or- He reached the door and slammed it with such force that the books on the shelves shook slightly.
There was silence in the room. Smooth as the surface of a lake, and at the same time vibrating like a too stretched string, still echoing with a scream filled with betrayal, disappointment and bitterness, but also with some kind of... ultimacy.
Snape closed his eyes. A long, deep sigh escaped from his chest. He removed his hand from the shelf and slowly lowered it, placing his hand on his left forearm and squeezing it. A shadow passed over his pale, drawn face. He opened his eyes, lifted the sleeve of his robe and looked at the extensive redness around the Dark Mark, which seemed to almost writhe against his skin and looked as if it had been trying to burn through it for some time.
He looked at the Pensieve, then moved his gaze to the cauldron on the table, filled with a dark green potion. After a moment of silent, almost motionless contemplation, he approached one of the shelves and, from among several volumes on it, he took out a stack of pages that looked as if they had been torn from some very old book. He placed them on the table, pulled out his wand, and in a moment the pages were burning, curling and turning into black ash. He put his wand back and looked around the room once more.
His eye caught a small, crumpled red box lying on the floor in front of the Pensieve. He walked up to it and just looked at it for a while. After a moment, however, he bent down and with a trembling hand picked them up from the floor. There was a small piece of paper inside. He unfolded it carefully and began to read, and then some barely visible spark that had been smoldering in his eyes all along... exploded.
Harry was running. He was running as fast as he could. He was running through the dark corridors, through the school yard, across the bridge, straight into the darkness of the snow-covered fields surrounding the castle. He was out of breath, he had no strength, but he kept running, scattering the snow to the sides, wanting only one thing... to escape. To escape from this... tearing apart, dull pain that had nestled inside him like a worm, devouring all his emotions and leaving only emptiness behind. So big and cold, as if someone had torn his soul out of him, then trampled it and thrown it away like an unnecessary garbage. He only felt cold. The icy cold that penetrated the void inside him and froze everything in its path... every faster heartbeat, every smile that had ever appeared on his face, every warmer feeling...
He was running slower and slower as the icy cold seeped through his thin clothes and the falling snow settled on his hair and glasses, making him almost unable to see. At one point, he tripped over something under the white sheet and fell with full force into the millions of ice particles. For a moment he lay still, clenching the snow in his hands and wishing it would freeze him even more, freeze the pain and make it go away...
But nothing was cold enough to do it.
Slowly, using his hands, he rose to his knees. It felt like there were needles in his lungs and every muscle was shaking with exhaustion. Despite the darkness and his glasses being completely covered with snow, he saw a small, semi-circular shape nearby. Slowly, trudging through the snow on all fours, he reached a stone rising from the ground and sat down at its base, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face in them.
Everything he believed in, everything he strived for... suddenly ceased to exist. Sev... Snape never existed either. He was just an obsessed man, a brute with no feelings, for whom Harry was just a pawn in some pathetic game. He wanted to sacrifice him to achieve his goal and he didn't care who and what he destroyed along the way, what feelings he trampled on, what deep wounds he inflicted...
No... it wasn't a human. Nobody can be that cruel. No one can fake it that well unless they have no heart. Every moment he thought he meant anything to him... he was acting the whole time! He despised him from the beginning until the very end! God... and even... their moments... He showed them! He was showing them what was so precious to him! He was laughing at him! He was just laughing the whole time! Harry was just a laughingstock to him... to them! A stupid, lovesick puppy who would do anything for him. But who do you have to be... how much darkness do you need to have inside you... to use this... puppy so perfidiously and then send it to death. Without a shadow of hesitation.
It's impossible to feel nothing but reluctance and disgust all the time, absolutely all the time. Wasn't there a single moment, even a tiny moment, in which the person Snape turned out to be... in which he felt even a tiny spark of warmth? Anything? Any compassion? Hesitation? Were all these moments... every moment... every single, glowing moment between them just an illusion? It never existed for real?
No.
He was convinced of this. He waited and waited for any sign, any moment... He remembered the last night, he had to see it, to convince himself that when Snape had given everything to him... something had changed. It had to! But it turned out to be just another piece of the puzzle. Another game. The heights of acting.
Why was he so stupid? Why did he trust him? Why had he never thought more deeply about his motives, about his behavior, about all the signs he was receiving all the time? After all, the truth was always, always right in front of his eyes... but he didn't want to see it. And now... now that his eyes had opened, everything seemed so obvious to him.
He remembered them. He remembered these small details, insignificant words, gestures that meant much more than he suspected.
"I think you drank just enough to what I have planned to do..."
"And what are you planning?"
"If you have to know... I plan to kill you, Mr. Potter."
He remembered them all. Only now, when it was too late...
"Are you brewing any difficult potion now?"
"Yes."
"And... how long will you be brewing it?"
"As long as I have to."
He remembered the incredible light that had appeared in Snape's eyes after that question.
He also remembered his naivety when he thought, thought-
"I also want you to know that no matter what you do or what happens... I will always be on your side. With you.
"We'll see. I'll remind you about it when the time comes."
And he remembered Hermione's words, her warnings.
I'm afraid... that he may deceive you to finally hand you over to Voldemort. Think, Harry... why would he suddenly become so interested in you? What would so suddenly change his attitude towards you? After all, he always hated you.
...hated...
...hated...
...hated...
The last word echoed in his mind.
He hated him. Snape had hated him this whole time... and he just wanted to be with him. Nothing more.
Just to be with him.
How could he be so naive? How could he think he meant anything to him? How could he have been so wrong? All this time he was just... a tool. Same as for everyone else. A tool to defeat Voldemort, useless for anything else. Completely unnecessary. Worthless.
He raised his head. A few snowflakes fell from his hair. His skin was red from the cold, his whole body was shivering. But there was nothing in the green eyes.
All right. If everyone treated him this way... then this is how he will behave. He would get rid of his feelings, he will get rid of everything that made him Harry, leaving only his scar and his glasses because that was all they saw in him. He was never anything else to them... nothing more.
Only a Potter.
The darkness deepened as the only patch of cloud-free sky, with the soft moonlight shining through, was obscured by it. The snow fell quietly. The flakes falling to the ground made no sound. Even the wind decided to suspend its activity for a while and rest. But a sound slowly crept into this isolated silence of nature.
The steps - creaking in the snow, cutting through the perfectly smooth white sheet.
A dark silhouette was moving across the grounds. Standing out against the white of the snow with the black of the robes and the hood that completely covered its head. It was walking slowly, clearing the snow with the black boots. It was straight, although its shoulders seemed to be slightly hunched, as if something was weighing on them. It was heading towards the dark wall of the Forbidden Forest, which emerged from the white blanket. But when it reached it and the first trees hid it in their darkness, it stopped, and it turned slowly, looking at Hogwarts left behind.
It stood there still for some time, looking at the castle towers looming in the darkness and at the distant lights burning in some of the windows. Its eyes wandered to the eastern tower and stayed there, staring at it for an unusually long time.
After a while, however, the figure moved. It raised the right hand and pressed it against its left forearm. It slowly turned its back to the castle and looked into the thick, sticky darkness stretching in front of it. The crack of apparation was heard in the velvety silence.
Only the broken tracks remained in the snow. Severus Snape was gone.
Tell me why you broke me down
And betrayed my trust in you
How could you, how could you
How could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be with you?
Taking all your anger out on me, somebody help
I would rather rotate alone
Then spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!
How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be with you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
Tell me why you broke me down and betrayed my trust in you
I'm not giving up, giving in when will this war end?
When will it end?
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!**
I'm dying inside
You're sucking me down
Makes me feel I'm gonna drown
It's killing me now
All you do is bring me down
All this time, in all your lies
It has been no surprise now
I realize it now
How could you cheat on me?
Then turn your back on me
You told me all the lies and hypnotized me and I believed
And now with all your pride
You still can't look me in the eye
and now in all your shame
You can't even speak my name***
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'Cause this is just a game
It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful lie
Lie
Lie
Lie
Lie
(So lie) beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie
(So lie) beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie
(So lie) beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie
(So lie) beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie (So beutiful, beautiful)
It's the perfect denial (So beautiful, bautiful)
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful lie
Lie
Lie
Lie
Lie****
* 'The heart of everything' by Within Temptation
** "Open wounds" by Skillet
*** "How could you?" by Saliva
**** "Beautiful lie" (acoustic version) by 30 Seconds to Mars