Dead Days
Chapter Eight
Understanding
IMPORTANT
For a brief time, this story gets a little dark, and more than likely we'll have many moments like that pop in because of the nature of the Walking Dead. (The first dark moment happens in the next chapter, it can be triggering, and also makes way to our first official sexual scene.)
There will also be smut happening toward the end of this season (about eight chapters away where it's more than what I depict next chapter), and occasionally being brought up as the story progresses, but I will always put warnings at the beginning of every chapter that has anything like this in it so that everyone can feel comfortable going into a new chapter or, just skipping it entirely.
Thanks for reading!
"You got me you got me good
I'm already high enough
I only, I only, I only got eyes for you."
-High Enough by
As she promised Remington returned from helping with the dishes just in time for the kids to go to bed. Maisie dragged her feet as she jutted out that lower lip and glanced up through long lashes.
"Pwease, can I stay with Merle again?" Maisie asked. She was really trying to layer the cuteness on thick. Remington glanced down, softening at the fact that Maisie had really taken to Merle, happy with the fact as her eyes flickered over toward where the man in question lay. She was happy with how all three of them had become close to her children. She could trust them with Landon and Maisie. It's what made these feelings flare up more.
When had her trust in her ex stopped with Maisie?
It had been there. Early on. She remembered thinking that Eli had been so good with her, but then the changes started back up, his old self peaked through, and suddenly Remington was caught in hell again.
Neither of these three had ever shown her a sliver of what had been hiding within Eli. She was certain they never would, but that didn't hide the fear she sometimes had, how it would nag at her until she shoved it back into the corner from which it came. Sometimes Remington wondered if she would ever be fit to fall in love again. She worried she'd screw something up because of her insecurities in her past. Remington didn't want to accidentally do that with one of them. Heaven forbids all three. She needed them in her life.
It only confused her, even more, when it came to her feelings.
Being a therapist really didn't help when the techniques you'd use on a client didn't really work on yourself. She kind of wished they would run into another therapist. She knew it probably wasn't likely, as she didn't ever remember anyone being on the show, but it would really be helpful for herself. She could be one of those jokes. The therapist needs her own therapist.
"Not tonight, Maisie," Remington said gently. "Let's let him rest. Maybe another night, okay?" Where there once had been anxiety at the thought of Maisie being away from her, staying with someone else, even someone she thought she could trust, there was only acceptance. It baffled Remington how easily that had slipped from her mouth, and she had meant it. She trusted Merle enough to keep her overnight. Hell, she had left him alone with her children several times now. Not including the other two.
She trusted them.
Completely.
Her eyes widened at the thought. She trusted these three men, whom she had only known for a couple of months, more than she had ever trusted her ex. She had never felt comfortable leaving Maisie with Eli before. Always making excuses to take Maisie with her everywhere. He had been more than happy to let her.
She had really screwed up with where she had placed her trust and life.
It made it hard sometimes to trust those instincts screaming inside of herself.
Her eyes bounced over to where the men had begun to carefully watch her. She had grown silent and stiff during her silent observations about herself.
"You okay, darling?" Shane asked. He never called her Solace anymore. Not since that first night at the CDC. He hardly ever called her Remington. Always cute little endearments. It only served to confuse her more.
"Yeah, I'm just tired." She smiled, letting it warm her face, as she buried down her worries.
"You should get some rest," Daryl said, his voice soft, and full of concern.
"Your probably right." Maisie glanced up in worry as she searched her mother's face. She easily found what she was looking for. It was buried deep but Maisie could feel her momma's emotions. She always had been in tune with them. Her hand wrapped around her mother's as she hoped the contact would make her feel better. She remembered doing it when her father would speak, and Maisie could see it upset her momma. She never understood why, they didn't quite make sense to her, but his tone of voice had always scared her a little. "Goodnight."
Instead of dishing out hugs, Remi had the kids say goodnight before she tiredly began to lead them out of the room. Remington needed to take some time for herself and get her emotions figured out and fixed.
She could trust them.
But did that mean she wanted to risk their relationship to show her true affection?
She preferred to keep them as friends, rather than lose them due to her selfishness, right?
Merle watched as Remington herded the children and dogs out the door. He didn't feel comfortable having them out there without one of them and decided to make this quick. Shane stood to leave but Merle called out to keep him from following after them.
"I need ta talk ta the two of yah," he began. "'bout Remi."
That caused Shane to halt his movements as he softly closed the door before leaning against it.
"What about?" he asked. "Something going on?"
"Somethin' I've observed." He eyed the man before his gaze drifted toward his brother. Daryl had stiffened the slightest of bits, but he always did when he was uncertain about something. He never liked surprises or being in the dark about things. Merle didn't plan on dragging this out. He'd feel much better once the two of them were outside, in the tents closest to Remington and those kids, cause he already knew they would be. There was no way in hell they would have set them up anywhere else. "I think it's high time we talk 'bout how we all feel ta same 'bout her."
Silence.
Daryl had begun to bite on the tip of his thumb as he carefully analyzed his brother. He already knew what he was getting at. He had observed the same thing after all. He had even, unknowingly, come to the same conclusion as his brother. Sharing was not something he worried about. He figured if it had been anyone else there would have been a problem. Jealousy didn't even rear up when he thought about adding Shane to the equation. The man had come to respect them, to include them in everything, and sought them out by himself. If it had been Glenn, Daryl would have said fuck no.
Shane lifted his eyebrow, curious, as his mind went to only one place. He had seen the way their eyes rested on her. Longer than anyone else's. Lingered like his own. Shane had come to an understanding with himself a long time ago, back when they had been hunkered in that old cellar, and he comforted her, and then again, the next day after their talk in his car, that he was attracted to Remington Solace. It had only deepened from there.
"What about it?" Shane suddenly felt defensive. He wasn't sure where this talk was going to go. A part of him was worried that Merle would sit there and lay claim to her. They had grown close first. Remington seemed to have gravitated toward him almost immediately. Except that thought didn't make him feel jealous. It was just a fact. It didn't worry him because she had always treated the three of them the same. That other part of Shane was less inclined to listen to the first part.
"I'm just gonna cut ta the chase," Merle said. "I want her, and I know ta two of yah do to." He leaned back into the pillows behind him. It was the only thing that made being stuck in the room bearable. Those damn pillows were the softest things he had ever laid on. Shane was still unsure of where this was going and had crossed his arms. Daryl was staring down at the ground, rolling one of his bolts between his two fingers, as he silently listened. "If yah were so inclined, and sweet cheeks was as well, I tink it's for ta best that we share."
If Shane had been drinking something he would surely have spit it out. His eyes fell toward where Daryl was sitting on the ground mere feet away from him. He couldn't read what he was thinking about this, but something told Shane that Daryl wasn't surprised to hear this. The two brothers seemed to think alike, and this felt no different. There were times when Shane had caught them having a silent conversation, no words spoken aloud, or mouthed just glances, and body language.
"You want to share?" He still felt confused, and his mind was trying to keep up.
"Unless yah tink yah'll go bat shit crazy wit jealousy. Remington don' need tat, and neither do those kids. It's why we're talkin' it out now."
Shane respected that.
"Does Remington want this?"
"Haven' talked ta her 'bout tis. Thought it best ta make sure we were all on ta same page." Merle groaned a little, that headache forming in the back of his head, and knew he would need to be going to sleep soon. "If we can come ta a 'greement then we should observe ta woman, and make sure it's sometin she would be okay with."
"Wouldn' want to scare her off with talk like this unless she showed signs of wanting it to," Daryl said, nodding his head in agreement. He had stopped fidgeting with the bolt as he glanced up at the other two. He needed to get a reading on the room, figure out how they were feeling, to make himself more comfortable with this talk. If Shane was going to go off it was better that he was prepared, but he was surprised to see how calm the older man had become since the beginning. Daryl had almost expected him to turn it down immediately, stating how they should just see which of 'em Remington would want, and drop the rest, but he instead looked like he was carefully thinking it over.
"You wouldn't have brought it up if you thought Remington would be completely against it," Shane said, narrowing his eyes slightly at Merle. Shane had seen how observant Merle truly was. Nothing got by him when he was sober, and to his knowledge, Merle hadn't gotten high since that time with the fight between him and Remington. It had surely made Merle easier to be around. If this had been the man that first came into camp Shane could have seen him form a friendship with him earlier on.
"True. I've noticed a few things." Merle shrugged. "'cept I'm not her, and I don' assume things for her. That's for sweet cheeks ta tell us when the time comes. Or not. Yah thinkin' yah can be in that kind of relationship?"
"We'd share her equally. No fighting? There'd be rules."
"'Course."
Merle almost looked as if he was trying to explain this to a small child, but Shane felt he had to voice them aloud, to let them sink in. He had never been in a relationship like this before. Had never wished to be.
"And it would just be with her."
Here Merle couldn't help but smirk as he let out a chuckle.
"I don' know 'bout yah, but I'm only interested in ta woman. Our relationship wouldn' change in ta least. On my end." He winked at him, guffawing at the tightness that entered Shane's jaw, as he began to glare. "Now ta two of yah could dish out anytin yah want. No judgment on my end." Daryl even looked a little annoyed with his brother.
"Don't be a dick, Merle," Daryl scoffed, as he shifted on the ground.
"It's not like I've had this conversation much in the past," Shane confessed.
"Don' seem ta type. Why I'm leadin' it."
"You're not getting us very far," Daryl said with a roll of his eyes.
"Yah okay wit it or not?" Merle sent his brother the stink eye as he dared him to continue being unhelpful. "I'd like yah ta go outside and make sure nuttin happens ta them. Instead, yah gripin' like old women."
"All right," Daryl said, pushing himself to his feet. He eyed the two of them as he nodded. "I'm fine with it." He shoved his crossbow onto his back as he shuffled in place. "Don' see a problem with it if Rem don'."
Merle turned his gaze to Shane. He thought he had made his stance on the topic pretty clear.
Shane eyed the two of them. Thinking it over carefully as he thought over whether or not he could do that. Share her with two other men. He thought back over their past history, of how she had helped Merle undress, well mostly, back at the CDC. How he had cuddled up to her with them in the room. How he had known she was doing the same with Daryl back at the cabin. None of it had ever made jealousy spring up before. Even when he knew he liked her. He had just accepted it back then. She had been raining attention on him just as much as she had on them at the time.
Would this really be any different? The only thing being he would know they were all in the same relationship.
He decided it really wouldn't bother him. Not once did that curdling feeling stab at his stomach as envy filled in the holes. He didn't experience any of that. Just a calm acceptance.
"Supposed I wouldn't mind as well."
"Yah can back out any time it gets ta be too much," Merle said, his eyes holding both of theirs. "I'd just back out before we involve sweet cheeks."
"You've done this before?" Shane asked in curiosity.
"Once or twice in mah youth. If yah wonderin', yes, I'm open ta answer questions." He grinned a shit-eating grin only causing the other two men to scoff before Shane nodded his head.
"Yeah, all right. How do we find out if Remi's interested in something like that?"
"Rain affection on her," Merle said with a shrug. "Make yah intents clear. Don' be pervy and go makin' her uncomfortable. Flirt. I don' care. Just as long as yah respect her, and she figures out what we wouldn' mind somethin'. Keep each other informed. If we think she wants the same we bring it up ta her. Otherwise back ta fuck off."
"Sounds easy enough," He pushed off from the door.
"Now git out," Merle grumbled. "Make sure their okay, and git some rest."
"She's right," Shane grumbled as he frowned over at Merle. "You are a mother hen." Daryl chuckled, trying to stifle it as he left the room, and Shane only just missed the pillow that was thrown at them. He barely escaped from the room before Merle hollered out.
"Don' be an ass boy and bring tat pillow back over 'ere."
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Remington woke up the next morning feeling tired and grumpy. Her sleep had been interrupted, many times, by memories in the form of dreams. It had been restless, and she had officially given up before the sun had ever even risen in the sky. She slipped from the tent, to go sit on a log outside, as she glared off into the night.
Eli wasn't even here, and he was trying to ruin her life.
She hated feeling this way. Hated the self-doubt that littered her mind and kept her from feeling confident in what she wanted. His voice would enter her thoughts, remind her of how worthless she was, of how no one else would want her.
Remington dug her fingernails into the skin of her palm as she forced away the dark thoughts.
That was not her.
That was all him. It even sounded like him inside her head, whispering words, and if Remington closed her eyes, she could almost imagine that she was back in that house, having never gotten away.
It caused her to shake a little as she squeezed her eyes tighter.
It proved to be a terrible move when a hand gripped her shoulder and lightly shook her. Remington felt instinct take over as she went to grip right above the wrist, her body shifting to the side, as the rest of her prepared to toss the intruder over her shoulder. Only whoever was prepared for this shoved her forward causing her to lose her balance and retreat from her path.
"Fuck," she hissed, glaring as she spun around only to come face to face with her brother. "Goddammit Jackson." Her voice lowered, not wanting to wake Daryl, Shane, or one of the kids. "Don't sneak up on me like that."
He moved to sit next to her on the log.
"You looked deep in thought. Worried."
"So, you thought the best thing was to scare the hell out of me?" She shook her head at him. "I'm not sure you quite remember how normal conversations work."
"I called out to you. You're the one that didn't hear."
Remi conceded here, not sure whether he had or not, but knowing if he had she wouldn't have heard it. Eli's voice had been so loud.
"Did you want something?"
"Do I need a reason to talk to my sister? I remember when there was a time that you sought me out. You never left me alone. Always toddling after me."
Remington couldn't help the fond smile that crossed her lips. Eli successfully was pushed back, and she was once again free. Jackson was saving her again, whether he realized it or not.
"I apparently had bad taste."
Jack scoffed as he butted his shoulder against hers.
"I was big brother JaJa," he crowed in delight, as he thought about the memory. "Remember that? The cutest damn thing anyone's ever called me, and that includes the time that one girl-." Remington shoved at him, keeping him from ruining the moment, with one of his flings. She did not want to hear about what any woman called him. She rolled her eyes as the smile grew wider on her face.
"You're so full of yourself."
"You never quite stopped doing that you know. Looking up to me. Not until you went off and started your own life."
"I think that's how every little girl grows up to be," Remington said softly. "Usually, it's the fathers that experience this. Dad was wounded when he realized he had lost out to his only son." He decided to ignore this comment. The old man knew how it was, but hadn't felt put out of anything, just proud to see his children be as close as they were. Remington had always been a little dramatic.
"I only wish I had been around more often while you grew up. I feel like I missed out on so much."
"You didn't miss much. Just most of my awkward phases. It was probably for the best that I could get those out of my system with you gone. I'd never live it down. I got to be a daddy's girl during those moments, and you got to hang the stars when you were around."
"You don't have any regrets?"
"I wish we got to hang out more. Be like normal brothers and sisters who spent all of their time fighting, but I'd never replace what we had. Maybe it was because of the age difference but I felt closer to you than my friends did with their siblings. You already had everything figured out, how to act, you could take me places. It was like having a second father. I think I was pretty lucky."
"What about now?"
"I was only upset because you were trying to take me away from people I care about."
"That's not something that's changed. The way you latch yourself to people. I remember this happening with Eli."
"Eli was different." Remington didn't like how he had been brought up. He was stalking her in conversations outside her head now.
"You were the same. I'm just worried about you, but I realize now, watching how you react to these people, it's not bad. They look up to you, and even though I wish you didn't have to carry the responsibility of those kinds of expectations on your shoulders, I know they couldn't find a better leader."
Remington glanced over at him in surprise.
"Are you trying to tell me that you are done fighting it? You're willing to stay here, and stop being a pain in my side." Jackson sighed as he leaned back to stare up at the sky.
"I realize this is where you belong. Watching you these last few days, especially today, and seeing how you fit in. They responded to you as if they had been under your command for years."
"You're slipping into job mode."
"I'm being serious, Remington. I have no doubt if you had followed in my footsteps that you would have gotten far. You're just like me. You'll lead these people, and you'll make an impact in their lives."
"You're just saying that 'cause you helped raise me." She eyed him. "You're like the proud parent who's blindsided by their love for the kid."
"You've mixed me up with our father. I clearly see you as you are. A swot-nosed kid who doesn't know how to take a compliment when given one. It's like you're a teenager all over again."
"Shut up," Remi groaned as she shook her head. "Don't say that again." They sat there in silence for a moment. Remington felt at ease finally. Her relationship with her brother was no longer looking as if it was doomed. She could breathe easier. This was how they were supposed to be.
"Your gonna have to tell me how to bond with that nephew of mine."
Remington raised an eyebrow, feeling giddy at the fact that he had finally acknowledged Landon.
"Oh? Finally, notice did we?"
"I noticed." He sounded like a scolded child as he eyed her carefully. "I was just scouting, taking in information, making sure yah had taken the kid in as your own." Remington accepted the answer.
"You could try to teach him things. Like you did for me. He'd respond well to that."
They fell back in silence, but it was a comfortable type, one Remington remembered growing up with, and she began to feel at home. Jackson had always been able to make her feel that way. As long as she had him, she could feel at home regardless of where they went.
For now, Remington knew she needed to protect this little oasis they had found for themselves. She needed Jackson for that.
"Jack," she began. "I need your help with something."
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The day's heat was bearing down on her. It caused her to feel miserable. She was already cranky from the lack of sleep and the worry over those who had gone out today. Daryl and Glenn would be safe with Jackson, Remington had reminded her brother of the danger that was possibly out there, but she still worried regardless. There was no one better to have their backs out there.
That didn't stop her from worrying about them, nor about Shane.
The group sent out with Shane had been one person bigger and she kept telling herself that they would watch one another's backs, but if Remington was being honest with herself, if it wasn't her, then she worried. She wanted to be out there but realistically she knew this was where Rick had gone wrong in the show. He had thrown himself out into the midst of things, but he wasn't staying to take care of things back at camp.
People needed him to be there. Now, they needed Remington to be here. She had to trust those she put in charge out there to do their job. She did trust them. Remington was just no good with waiting. She hadn't been growing up when Jackson would be gone for months, and still hadn't learned to live with it now, as an adult, who was nearly thirty. This was the best place for her. She would only go out when it was necessary. Her job was to keep things flowing, moving, and working without breaking down. She couldn't do that if she wasn't at the center of it all. The center of her people.
She continued to remind herself of that as the day went by.
Glaring up at the hot sun Remington made her way inside the farmhouse, planning on stopping in to check on Rick, and then fine Merle. He should be cleared to leave that room sometime soon, and Remington itched to have someone to talk to that would joke and rid her mind of these worries.
Placing that happy thought on the back burner Remington slid into Rick's room, sighing in relief at the fact only he resided inside of it, and she wouldn't have to watch as Lori glared at her the entire time. Lori would probably believe Remi was there to spill all of her secrets. She snorted quietly at the thought and played around with the idea for only a second before swatting it away. Shane should be the one to do it, or Lori, but not Remington. It would be so much worse if she did it for them. Rick could possibly lose every sense of respect and love for Shane if that happened.
"Hey," she greeted as he glanced up at her entrance.
"What do I owe the pleasure?" Rick asked, smiling at her. Moving across the room Remi snagged the chair placed next to the bed and sat in it. It was an old wooden one that lacked any support or comfort, but it did its job.
"Came to check in on you," her eyes slid down to the stub that should have had a hand on it. "Haven't managed to do that while you were awake."
"If I was anyone else, I'd think you were avoiding me." He was joking, clearly, even added in a smile and wink to tell her as such but Remington still felt guilty. She kind of had been. It would have been easy to come in while he was awake, but Remi avoided his room like the plague when that happened. She still felt at fault for what happened to him. She wasn't willing to share that with him yet even if she could see it in his face that he understood.
"Naw, maybe avoiding your wife, but not you Sherriff," she joked.
"Another fight?" Rick frowned, not liking the idea.
"Naw, a disagreement." It sure had turned into an almost fight after Lori hit her, but Remi wasn't going to mention that. "Over where I found your boy yesterday." Rick's frown deepened as his lips pinched, and his expression almost turned into a glare.
"What do you mean? Where did you find Carl?"
Remington had to take a steadying breath as she couldn't believe the woman hadn't told Rick anything after yesterday. As the boy's father Remi figured she would at least have explained his circumstances. Remington was beginning to understand that Lori would try to keep the affair a secret if she could. That pregnancy was going to rip through their world because Remi was certain Rick already held some views over why his brother was avoiding him, and his wife was acting weird. It didn't take a genius to figure it out, and Rick had been a cop. Remi hoped he was somewhat good at figuring things out.
"I found him out in the woods while Maggie and I were checking the wells," she began slowly, trying to keep him calm. "He wasn't hurt and there were no signs of Walkers, but I may have overstepped some boundaries when I scolded him right after."
Rick's eyes had darkened during her little rant as she tried to get it out as gently, but as fast as possible. She wasn't quite sure where Rick stood when allowing other people to punish his child. Remington couldn't just not say something to the boy. He needed to hear something right then and there, but there were parents who couldn't stand that from other people.
"Lori didn't tell me this." Relief almost washed over her as the first thing out of his mouth wasn't telling her to mind her own business, but she believed she may have brought up a reason for an argument between the spouses later on. Whoops. "Why didn't she say anything? I should have been informed right after."
"Sorry, Rick." She reached over to pat his arm as she shrugged. "I'm sure she just didn't want to worry you right now. Not while you're healing." Rick looked almost doubtful about that being the reason. Remington couldn't blame him. Lori seemed to be doing a lot of withholding when it came to information. Remi wondered if this had been an issue in the marriage before the coma.
"Sure." He sighed as he leaned back onto his pillows. "Thanks for letting me know."
"I didn't mean to add to anything."
"Not your fault. If any argument breaks out that wouldn't be on you. It's been building up for a while now."
Remington winced, knowing how hard it was to try to pull a marriage together, especially with issues piling on top of one another. She didn't want to imagine how much more stressful it would be during the apocalypse. No wonder their relationship never got better. Deciding it was time to step away from that train of thought, Remi decided to throw herself under the bus.
"How are you feeling?"
Rick's gaze fell down to his arm, where his missing hand was, and he smiled softly at her. She could see it, the look in his eyes, he didn't want her to blame herself.
"It's fine," he said. "Hershel fixed it up. Still hurts sometimes but those painkillers you brought back are doing their job." He cocked his head to the side as he took in the guilt that shined from her eyes. "It's not your fault. I put myself in front of that Walker when I saved Merle. It was gonna be either him or me, and my instincts from being a cop kicked in, and I chose myself. You saved my life by taking my hand. I'll adapt. It wasn't even my dominant hand." He waved his right hand up in the air. "Now that would have taken some getting used to."
"You really are a good man Rick," Remi said, her shoulders drooping. "You could have been pissed about it. You still lost a hand and yet here you are trying to comfort me."
"You're the leader now, Remington. I never wanted that job, but I sought it out 'cause I could see those people needed someone to lean on, but then there you were. Bound and determined to be the one to take the weight off everyone's shoulders. I may have had my misgivings about you, unwarranted mind you, but you're a good person. This group needs you. Whether or not we deserve you has yet to be decided, but I'll back you on anything. How can a man not when you save their life."
Remi shook her head, but she let the smile slide onto her face and some of the guilt eased away at his words.
"Be honest you ditched the leadership the first moment you could."
Rick raised his hand up and chuckled.
"Guilty as charged."
I enjoy writing scenes between Remi and her brother so much you guys! It makes me wish that I had an older brother, but instead, I'm the oldest of my siblings. :D And I'm not nearly as cool as Jackson.
What did you guys think of this chapter?
Are you worried about the chapters to come? What are you looking forward to the most?