Reconciling Hope

Around midday, Anakin stepped into the shop. He had spent the past several hours at the garrison making preparations with the clones for their departure. He was here to gather some final supplies and—he hoped—collect some allies.

He also wanted to bid the twins farewell. If they were willing to speak with him.

"…accompany him," Kenobi said. The words were distinct but a little muffled.

A quick glance around showed Kenobi and Ahsoka nowhere in sight. Luke and Leia had been huddled over Artoo at the workbench but they looked up, startled, when Anakin entered. Something in their postures reeked of guilt.

Leia was the first to regain her tongue. "We have questions." Belatedly, her eyes widened as she took note of the Imperial uniform and lieutenant's pips he was wearing.

Anakin lifted his hand, a regretful frown pulling at the scar on his cheek. "I am sure you do. I need to speak with Kenobi first."

She opened her mouth, but he raised his hand a little more. "Yes. I know. Unfortunately, the Emperor is not going to wait for us to sort out our family difficulties." Kenobi's voice drifted into the shop again, this time less intelligibly. After another hasty glance around the shop, Anakin started for his quarters, saying over his shoulder, "I need you to make sure Artoo has full fuel canisters in the booster jets. I don't expect to use them, but you never know."

Leia sighed. "Okay," she muttered.

Before he reached the door, Ahsoka's incredulous voice burst out.

"You're following him into treason and you don't even know what the plan is? I admit, we're talking about Anakin 'I'll-wing-it' Skywalker here, but really, Obi-Wan—have you been spending too much time in the suns? You're usually much less reckless than this."

Anakin scanned the shop, puzzled. How could he hear her? The door to his quarters was closed. As Kenobi replied, he traced the sound to the louvered transom above the apartment's door.

"Palpatine stole everything I ever loved from me." Kenobi was saying, voice low and bitter. "Leia's grown—or as good as. She doesn't need me anymore—not really. Now Anakin has—well, if not returned, at least rejected Palpatine. I may hate what he became, but that doesn't alter the fact he's the only one with even a chance at killing the Emperor. He was the man's Apprentice. He knows how he thinks and how he fights. I'll take any chance—any—that might rid the galaxy of that fiend. If that means working with him, I will."

Anakin stood frozen, unaware for the moment that the twins were listening raptly.

"And this isn't guilt over Mustafar?"

"No."

Ahsoka must have made some skeptical gesture because Kenobi drew an audible breath and said, "All right. Maybe. Some. This morning, I saw…" He broke off, then started again. "Palpatine destroyed my brother. I hate him for it, but Anakin hates him more. So yes, I will trust him that far. And yes—maybe even forgive him. Eventually. Depending on what happens." The Force pulsed with a wild tangle of emotion that Kenobi wrestled under control only with difficulty. "I miss my brother," he said brokenly.

Ahsoka made a pained little noise.

If Anakin had had flesh hands, they would have been trembling. As it was, his stomach crawled with some emotion he could not identify. He didn't know what to do with that reluctant confession. He had never dreamed Kenobi could possibly desire the restoration of their relationship.

And what did he want? What if Kenobi did forgive him?

He clenched his fist around his new lightsaber and squared his shoulders. This wasn't the time to wrestle with that question. He became aware of eyes boring into him. A quick glance to the side confirmed that both twins were staring at him.

He flushed, embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping, and with an awkward stride hurried toward the door.

The conversation must have continued because Kenobi was saying, "…didn't skate over anything he did. He even told them he choked Padmé."

"He didn't say you were the Jedi he fought."

A gasp from one of the twins checked him. He looked back. Leia had recoiled, horror filling her eyes as she examined his scars in a new light. He shook his head gently. He hoped she understood. Or would someday.

"That wasn't to protect himself, though. It was to protect me. And shield Leia." Kenobi's voice was pensive.

"If you say so. So what now? He's renounced the Dark Side and we're all peachy-keen? Everything's sunshine and rainbows?"

"Hardly. This is Tatooine—no rainbows, only sunshine, remember?"

"That was terrible even for you."

Anakin gathered the fragments of his composure and opened the door. It was time to stop eavesdropping.

Ahsoka was sitting on the edge of the bed. Kenobi had dragged the one chair around so he could face her. Now he twisted to face Anakin. "You're back." His eyes widened at sight of the uniform. "Well, that's—different."

Anakin closed the door while pressing the button to seal the transom. The twins didn't need to be privy to this conversation. "You don't usually state the obvious. Everything is in hand at the garrison." To Ahsoka he said, "Are you willing to help with this project?"

She observed him impassively for a long moment. "With reservations."

"All I need you to do is protect the twins. I'll be infiltrating an Imperial facility, and unfortunately, I don't have any disguise that would be adequate to allow you to participate."

She tightened her lips but nodded. He studied Kenobi.

"I could use you on this mission to impersonate an officer."

An expression of distaste crossed Kenobi's face. "Can't you do that yourself? You're already dressed for it. And, of the two of us, you have more…experience…in that area."

"I suppose you could view it that way, but…there are reasons it would be preferable if you take the role. And…" Anakin added reluctantly, "I probably could use backup on this one."

Kenobi stroked his beard as he slanted an amused glance toward Ahsoka. "What's the plan?"

"I can't tell you until we're in hyperspace. I can't risk any chance of a leak."

"Very well, on condition I can be assured Leia will be safe. I refuse to include her on one of your disastrous missions."

Anakin gaped at him. "You—you dragged her along to the podrace—in the teeth of all my protests—and now you—you—" He was aware he was spluttering, but he couldn't seem to help himself. A gleam of amused satisfaction twinkled in Kenobi's eyes and Ahsoka was smiling openly. Anakin snapped his mouth shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. Three deep breaths. "Yes. Leia is not invited. As I said, Ahsoka will stay here to guard the twins."

He had been looking forward to needling Kenobi with his next demand, but after that heartbroken confession, the prospect of taunting him had lost its savor, so Anakin said simply, "You will have to shave your beard."

A pained grimace crossed Kenobi's face. "Is that really necessary?" It was obvious, however, that the protest was a mere formality.

Anakin clasped his belt. "An unshaven officer will draw exactly the sort of attention I'm trying to avoid. Also, it will—I hope—prevent anyone at the garrison from recognizing you. A little extra protection for Leia."

Kenobi breathed long through his nose and nodded slowly. "If I must. How long do we have?"

"Not long. Here's your uniform." Anakin handed over the satchel he carried. He paused infinitesimally. "And thank you."

Kenobi's mouth quirked as he stroked his beard again. "Of all the sacrifices I've had to make for the cause, this might be the most painful."

Anakin regarded him soberly. "I know. I'm sorry to have to insist on it."

"Oh, well, it's only hair; it will regrow." Kenobi's smile was genuine, though a little wan. "It's not as though you're asking me to—I don't know—lose a limb—" The smile fell off his face as though it had been severed. "Anakin—I'm sorry. I didn't think—"

Anakin forced words through bloodless lips. "It's all right. I know you didn't mean it that way." He glanced away a moment, more to allow Kenobi privacy to restore his composure than because it would help him restore his own. He gestured vaguely. "I'll leave you to your preparations."

"Yes, of course. Thank you." Kenobi's voice was strained.

Anakin leaned heavily against the wall outside his apartment and closed his eyes. Navigating this new relationship with Kenobi was like negotiating a familiar path that had been seeded with mines. They kept forgetting they couldn't throw barbs at one another willy-nilly anymore. He took a moment to clumsily release his distress to the Force.

Leia and Artoo had disappeared—probably retrieving the fuel canisters. Luke, now seated on a stool at the counter, was staring at him again. This might be his only opportunity to establish any sort of rapport with his son. If that was even possible.

If only he could think how to begin…

He picked up the miniature vacuum from the workbench and went to the counter to rummage in search of another satchel. All the while he tried to think of some way—any way—to open the conversation. He set an empty satchel on the counter and said at last, "You've been very quiet. I know it's a lot to take in. Especially…" He trailed off, uncertain how to summarize their complicated family situation. Embarrassed by his tied tongue, he began stowing oxygen canisters in the bag.

Luke said timidly, "Are you really Darth Vader? I mean, Ahsoka told me so many stories…And nothing she said ever suggested…"

Anakin glanced up briefly, then returned his attention to his task. "That doesn't surprise me. I don't know how much Kenobi told her about my Fall, but I suspect it was something she never wanted to think about. She probably told the stories about the good times and just…tried to forget what came after." Packing the bag had not taken long at all. He tucked the vacuum in a side pocket and then rooted around on the counter, organizing items with nervous energy.

"It seems so unfair," Luke said after a short silence.

"Unfair! I'll say it's unfair." Leia and Artoo had returned from the courtyard. The air itself seemed to snap with her ire, and Anakin had to brace himself before he could bear to look at her. "I liked you, you know. You were so kind—helping me fix Artoo. Answering my questions. How am I supposed to feel about you now? And with Luke too…"

Anakin glanced between them and sank onto a stool. "I can't answer that for you. For either of you. It's up to you where we go from here." He gave a helpless little gesture. "If you walk away and never speak to me again, I can't expect anything else."

"So it wasn't real? You don't care what I do?" Was there a flicker of hurt behind the defiance in those deep brown eyes?

"I didn't say that. You'll always be my daughter, and I will make the galaxy safe for you. For both of you. But I gave up all right to be in your life eighteen years ago."

"And that's it?" Luke said. "You're just leaving?"

Anakin met his eyes. "I've told you what I did and why. I cannot do anything to fix that damage—to you or to our family. The only thing I can do now is kill the Emperor before he can hurt you."

"You're not even going to apologize?" Leia said sharply.

"Could an apology make it right?"

The twins exchanged glances.

"Words are cheap. I can say I'm sorry—and I am—but does it bring your mother back? Does it erase the years you grew up without each other?" He made a helpless little gesture. "I'm doing the only thing I know to do."

They fell into silence again.

What more could he say? How could they even start to untangle their messy family tapestry?

Ahsoka and Kenobi stepped back into the shop, Kenobi fingering his bare chin with exploratory fingers. He looked alien to Anakin's eyes in the Imperial uniform—especially with the lightsaber hanging incongruously from his belt.

"No, I get it," Ahsoka was saying. "Obviously, I can't be part of this operation. I just don't see why I have to stay here."

"Stay where?" Luke asked.

"Oh, Anakin and Obi-Wan are leaving."

"I didn't know you were going too. Where?" Leia asked Kenobi, biting her lip.

"I don't actually know. Anakin says he can't tell us until we're in hyperspace."

"When will you be back?" Leia was trying not to fidget, but her anxiety leaked around her shields in swirling threads of dark grey.

"In a couple of days," Anakin answered her, more relieved than he wanted to admit to have a concrete topic to discuss. "If all goes well. It might be a little longer, depending on exactly what happens."

He consulted the chronometer and hesitated. They needed to take off in less than an hour if they were to make the arrival window he had planned, but he hated to leave without some sort of closure with the twins. Especially Luke.

He avoided making a decision by saying to Kenobi, "I need your lightsaber." The other man frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Oh, give it up, will you? I'm not trying to disarm you. We can't disguise lightsabers as part of the uniforms. Artoo, it's time." The droid trundled over with a cheerful whistle, although he gave a pro forma jab at Anakin's knee with his arc welder. Anakin placed his own lightsaber in the central compartment and gestured imperiously.

Kenobi sighed as he handed his weapon over. "My beard. An undisclosed plan. Now my lightsaber. Why am I following you on this harebrained mission, again?"

"I did leave you the blaster," Anakin pointed out, gesturing to Kenobi's sidearm.

"But what about me?" Leia interrupted. "What will I do?"

Ahsoka smiled at her. "You'll stay with us; it'll give you and Luke a chance to get acquainted. I guess we'll have to try our hand at shopkeeping, SkyKid."

"SkyKid?" Anakin glanced up in amusement.

"Yeah, well, he needed a nickname," she said a little defensively. "SkyGuy was already taken. And StillKid didn't fit him at all."

"StillKid?"

"The name on his documents is Luke Stillman."

"I see." Anakin studied Luke a moment. "Are you saying he's usually not this calm?"

"Nah." She tugged on Luke's cloak in jest. "I practically have to nail his feet to the floor just to keep up with him—especially if there's a ship involved."

"Ahsoka!" Luke sounded mortified.

"I'm just joking. You're not too bad, kiddo." She ruffled his hair and grinned. "Now here's a thought! Maybe Anakin can set you up with a fast ship once this is all over."

Luke's face lit up.

"A lot could happen between now and then, but we'll see." At least this was a topic he could discuss for days. Maybe a relationship wouldn't be so hopeless after all? "I take it you like to fly? What kinds of ships have you piloted?"

"Only our Sullustan yacht, the Sandfish. It's pretty stodgy."

"You can pilot? Out of atmo?" The envy poured off Leia in waves.

Anakin hadn't been aware she also liked to fly. A fillip of amusement cut through his general discomfiture. This cast her protests about the race in a more nuanced light.

"Yeah. It's not that big a deal—we live on our ship," Luke was saying. "We all have to take turns piloting."

"I've only flown in atmo." She added hastily, "Just our speeder. You know, to and from Mos Espa and stuff."

Anakin took in Kenobi's pained face with amusement. "Kenobi lets you fly?"

"I put up with your antics," the man replied tartly. "Leia is a far more sensible pilot than you are. She has never insisted on weaving through Coruscant traffic at top speed just for the thrill of it."

An indecipherable expression flashed across Leia's face.

"I know that look, Leia," Anakin said. "Tell me—How often do you sneak away to fly?"

"I don't," she squeaked. She tipped her chin pugnaciously, "I only fly when Uncle Ben lets me."

"You live out in the Jundland Wastes. Are you honestly telling me you've never slipped away to speed through the canyons?"

Leia turned bright red. "I—Of—Of course not!"

Kenobi sighed. "Let's just leave this here. There's no need to lie, Leia. I am not quite as gullible as you wish to believe. I did, after all, frequently have to haul Anakin back to the Temple from the lower level swoop races, and I was well aware he was not merely watching."

Anakin twitched in chagrin. He had worked hard to perfect an innocent air when he was caught at the races, and Kenobi had never once hinted that he knew Anakin was lying.

"I am also aware that the Darklighter boy lets you fly his Skyhopper on occasion. It's an exercise in futility trying to keep a Skywalker out of the cockpit. It is a fact of the universe as immutable as the laws of thermodynamics, and it was better for you to have some outlet than to be driven to desperation to seek your thrills in other ways. And what makes a thrill more thrilling than to feel it's forbidden?"

"You knew?" Her indignant squeak was higher this time.

"Even apart from the glee you always radiated afterward, did you think I never noticed the fuel usage?"

Red surged over her face again.

"I'm not as oblivious as you like to think," Kenobi said with satisfaction. He turned to Luke. "It looks like you inherited the family predilection too."

"The what?" Luke cocked his head to one side.

"You like to fly."

"Oh, yeah." He grinned with enthusiasm. "Someday I'd like to fly something challenging. It's too bad the Aethersprites went out of production. But at least another starfighter or a pod or something."

"That's a no on the podracers." Anakin grimaced. "It's taking your life in your hands to pilot one."

Kenobi snorted. Anakin gave a slight shake of his head in warning.

Kenobi refused to take the hint. "The irony is rather delicious, wouldn't you agree, Anakin?" The corners of his mouth twitched and were suppressed, the motion oddly exaggerated without the beard and mustache to camouflage it.

Luke's eyes darted between them. "Irony?"

Anakin folded his arms and stared hard at Kenobi, daring him to say a word.

Kenobi ignored him. "Why, yes. I believe Anakin began building podracers in this very shop at the age of—seven, wasn't it?"

"Six," blurted Anakin without thinking.

"Pardon me; six." Kenobi's lips continued to twitch.

"Six years old? You built a pod at six years old?" Luke asked in awe.

"And raced it," Kenobi said with relish.

"You raced pods? At six!?" Leia was almost spluttering in her outrage. "And you wouldn't even let me watch yesterday? Even though we were right there?"

"No way!" Luke said. "You were at the Boonta Eve? Who won? Ahsoka didn't give me time to check the coverage."

"He—" she pointed a censorious finger at Anakin "—made me stay inside the stadium and then dragged us away as soon as it was all over. So I don't know."

"That's so unfair!"

"I know—right?"

"I'm afraid it's even worse than that, kids," Ahsoka stage whispered. "Did you know he won the Boonta Eve thirty-odd years ago? The only human ever to do it."

Luke's eyes grew big. "You're kidding! I want to hear about that!"

"He did?! Why didn't you ever tell me about it?" Leia demanded.

"Because you were already lobbying to attend the races. Why give you any additional ammunition?" Kenobi's eyes twinkled knowingly.

Leia huffed.

Anakin suppressed a smile. "All right. Fine. I'll tell you about it when I get back." He turned to Kenobi. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Well." Kenobi tugged at the hem of his uniform tunic. "It will certainly be an adventure to fly with you again."

Luke wrinkled his brow. "I thought you flew together a lot?"

"So we did. Anakin gave me these gray hairs—or the beginnings of them, anyway—and most of them sprouted while I shared a cockpit with him."

Anakin cast Kenobi an unimpressed glance. "Are you finished yet?"

"I suppose. I'm simply working up my courage to fly with you again." He sighed dramatically. "If Anakin crashes the shuttle, be sure to tell Semchan it wasn't my fault."

"Don't worry," Ahsoka said. "I'm sure his record has improved. Either that or the Empire's PR machine is a lot better than we thought. There's never been a report of Darth Vader crashing a ship."

"Very funny," Anakin muttered, sweeping up his bag. "Come along, Artoo."

They had nearly reached the door when Artoo swiveled back to Leia, tootling a farewell.

She hurried forward, dropping to her knees beside him. "I'll miss you, Artoo. Have fun." She patted his dome. "Take care of Uncle Ben and Kray—Sk—" She stumbled to a stop. Slanting an embarrassed glance at Anakin under her lashes, she amended, "Take care of them."

Anakin's breath caught in his throat at the unexpected words before he stepped brusquely out into the street, Kenobi on his heels.

Behind them, Artoo gave a self-satisfied burble and trailed the two men out of the shop.

"I hope you're prepared for the consequences," Kenobi commented drily. "We're leaving the twins together with Ahsoka."