"Are you coming with me to meet Dean?" Sam asked Castiel as he pulled the sweater over his head.

"No, I miss Dean, but I think that you two need some time alone," Cas stated.

"You're probably right. I better get going, I have a lot of miles to cover," Sam stated as he finished lacing up his boots.

"Drive safely Sam and call me when you get there," Cas stated as he threw the keys to the truck to him.

Sam climbed into the truck and started his journey. The music playing was from a mixed tape that Dean made for Cas. It contained all of his brother's favorite rock songs and that made him remember sitting in the passenger side of the Impala, listening to these same songs as they traveled through life together. Memory after memory of his relationship with Dean over the years played through his mind's eye like a movie. Dean literally pulled him from the fire, not just when he had been a baby, but also when Jessica had died.

"Dad told me I had to watch out for you Sammy and that if I couldn't save you from the darkness, then I would have to kill you," Dean's words filled his mind as he remembered finding out about the Demon blood that had been coursing through his veins since he was six months old.

"Promise me that you'll kill me Dean, if I change into something else. I don't want to be a monster," Sam remembered pleading with his brother one drunken night in some motel room alongside the road.

"I promise Sam, but I'm going to save you," Dean had finally promised when Sam wouldn't rest until he had told him what he needed to hear.

Dean had given up everything, he had even gone to Hell, and all of it was done to save him. Sam knew that he owed Dean everything, including his life, and he had tried to make his brother proud, but the last few years, the darkness had won out.

Sam had tried to overcome the darkness that the demon blood brought, and when Dean was fighting by his side, he was able to overcome it day after day, but that changed when he watched Lilith literally drag his brother to Hell. Dean was no longer fighting by his side and no Demon would deal with him. He drank a lot in those days. He had even tried to kill himself in his darkest hours, but Ruby had been there to stop him. She had inserted herself into his life when he was at his most vulnerable and poisoned him little by little as she fed him more and more of that poisonous blood that he hated and loved all at the same time. By the time that Castiel had raised Dean from Perdition, it had already been too late for Sam. He had become addicted to the power the demon blood brought him. He was consumed with hatred and revenge, and all he could think about was killing Lilith. It's why he broke the final seal and why Lucifer was out in the world.

Sam couldn't blame Dean for finally walking away. He had told his brother so many lies, he had disappointed him in so many ways. He had become that monster that their father had warned them about, the monster that Dean should have killed by now. The darkness had won, it must have, after all, he was Lucifer's soul mate. He loved the dark Angel, and their connection was something that he couldn't break. He told himself that he would never say yes, but everyday it became harder and harder to continue to say no. Perhaps Lucifer was right and there was no free will, he was just playing a part that had already been written, maybe that's why he always felt like he was fighting a losing battle.

He turned off the radio as he pulled into the parking lot of Texas Roadhouse just off the Taylorsville exit on the outskirts of Salt Lake City. He called Cas to let him know that he had made it.

"Dean," he called out when he saw his brother sitting at a table with a couple of Beers.

"Sammy, thank you for driving out. How was the drive?" Dean asked as he handed Sam a menu.

"I listened to the tape that you made for Cas and I had a lot of time to think about things with us. I'm sorry Dean. I know that I let you down," Sam stated.

"I'm sorry too Sammy, I shouldn't have left the way that I did. I should have returned your calls," Dean stated as the waitress approached.

They ordered a couple of steaks and a few more Beers.

"I was thinking back to that promise that you made me. You promised that you would kill me if you couldn't save me. I know that I've become that monster, you tried…you did so much to save me, so if you can't forgive me…If you need to kill me, I'll understand," Sam whispered.

"I haven't given up on saving you from the darkness and you're not a monster, despite what I I said in a moment of anger. Michael paid me a visit, he showed me what it would be like five years from now. In that time line, I never forgave you, which drove you to turn to Lucifer. You said yes, Cas told me that it was because I never gave you a reason to say no. I watched you, well Lucifer, kill that future version of me. When I returned back to this time, I knew that I had to try and change things. I can't say yes to Michael. I'll never say yes to that ass after he failed to help you, so that leaves forgiving you. I know that you're sorry Sam. You lied to me a lot, but I also lied to you. You've made a lot of mistakes, there's no denying that, but so have I. I need to come back home, we need to hunt together, it's the only way to rebuild our relationship, but I need you to be honest with me Sam, even if you think that the truth will be something that disappoints me, can you do that?" Dean asked.

"Yes," Sam stated.

"Are you still having dreams about Lucifer?" Dean asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yes, we've gotten a lot closer, but I haven't said yes to him and I won't as long as the apocalypse is being considered," Sam answered honestly,

"How close have the two of you gotten?" Dean asked as he clenched his hand in a tight fist.

"We are intimate," Sam said.

"You slept with the devil?"

"Yes, in my dreams."

"Do you love him?" Dean asked,

"Yes, he's my other half."

"You love the demonic monster that killed mom, that killed Jessica?" Dean asked.

"Azazel killed mom and Jessica," Sam stated.

"You're usually a lot smarter then this Sammy, but your connection to Lucifer is blinding you. Azazel was working for Lucifer. It was your boyfriend's orders that killed our mom and your girlfriend," Dean pointed out.

"Lucifer killed mom and Jessica," Sam whispered as the realization hit him.

"Yes, but you know the truth now. I just want you to see Lucifer clearly, I don't want him to manipulate you," Dean stated.

The waitress brought over their food. They are their food in silence.

"Thank you for being honest with me Sam. I'll meet you back at Bobby's," Dean stated as he put money on the table to cover the bill,

XOXOXO

"Sam, how was the drive? Did Dean forgive you?" Cas asked as Sam walked in.

"He's trying to, I'm sure that he'll be here soon. I'm going to go to bed, I'm exhausted," Sam said and then he headed to his room.

He laid down and drifted to sleep.

"Did you order Azazel to kill my mom? To kill Jessica?" Sam asked as he saw Lucifer.