It's the battle within, the good and the sin, with both sides standing strong.

It's the permanent scars, how broken we are, it's the things that hurt us all.

But isn't it beautiful, the way we fall apart?

We Fall Apart- We as Human

"You don't get to hop in and out of my life at your leisure Elliot."

"That's not what I'm doing!"

"What do you think you're doing right now? This is exactly what you do. This time you have a convenient excuse I guess." She started to walk away. "I guess I should be grateful you told me instead of dropping off the face of the planet."

"Liv, come on." He grasped her forearm, but she yanked it away.

"No El. I can't." She turned towards him and she tried to keep the tears back, but she was pissed off and sad, and right now she hated him. Problem was, she also loved him. "I need some time."

"I'm leaving in two days, Liv."

"Well guess I'm going to walk away, and let you wonder if or when I'm coming back." She spun on her heel, leaving him behind in stunned silence.

-000-

He stood for a moment, letting his brain process what just happened. She seemed fine the other day when he broke the news. What happened between now and then? He wasn't running. He wasn't. He just needed some time to work some shit out. He was wearing his goddamn wedding ring! That was probably a clear indicator he had some garbage to figure out. Wouldn't she want him to work out his issues before they dove into this head first?

He groaned in frustration. She asked for time and he gave it to her, and now he needed time and it apparently pissed her off. He didn't understand any of it.

He couldn't do this right now. He couldn't think and analyze her every move. He had a job to do, and he was committed now. The plans were already set in motion and he couldn't tap the breaks. He needed to get to work. Maybe preparing to go undercover again would clear his mind. Maybe.

-000-

She readied herself for the gym and couldn't decide between burning the angst away with some cardio or trying to soothe her body through yoga. In all honesty she didn't want to go to the gym. She wanted to punch Elliot in the face. That might make her feel better.

She wanted to scream. She loved him, but he was such an idiot. He said he needed space to work out his shit. She could deal with that, but going UC again? She shook her head. Idiot.

Months ago she begged for time, and he gave it to her, and she wanted to allow him the time he needed, but this was different. She needed time to learn to trust him again. He needed time to work through the emotional garbage brought in by his recent cases. What she wanted him to realize was that he didn't have to run because she was there for him. She wanted to help him work through things. He didn't have to do it alone. He seemed to think he needed to be in a perfect headspace in order to be with her. Nothing could be further from the truth.

She wanted him as he was. Flaws and all. It wasn't like he was devoid of issues when she first fell in love with him. He was pretty much a train wreck with anger issues during their entire partnership. She didn't need him to be perfect. She just needed him to be present.

She returned to her office and stared at her phone. They obviously needed to communicate better. Things that seemed obvious to her were clearly a mystery to him. They just needed to talk, really talk. She wondered if he would ever want to talk about the hard stuff.

-000-

Elliot slammed his desk drawer. The stupid thing was sticking again. He wanted to leave it. It would be months before he would need to use it anyway. He groaned. Leaving it that way would bother him, better to get it over with.

"What did that drawer ever do to you?" Ayanna startled him away from his drawer filled hate spiral.

"Nothing." Elliot grumbled.

"Things didn't go well with Benson?"

"I'm not talking about it."

Ayanna turned from him to begin walking back to her office. "Maybe that's the problem," she muttered.

He heard her clearly but asked, "What?".

"You need to talk to her."

"I do talk to her," he countered.

"You're an idiot. Really talk to her. Maybe you should work out some of this stuff with her instead of running away from the problem."

"I'm not running," he felt like a broken record.

"Yeah right. No one believes that." Ayanna rolled her eyes before walking away.

-000-

He opened the door and found an apprehensive Olivia standing on the other side. "Hey," she said, smiling sadly.

"Hey," he said in the same somber tone. He wasn't sure he could go another ten rounds with her right now. His head was full, and he didn't know how to deal with any of it. "Come in," he offered.

She followed him in, and her body language felt nervous. It made him nervous, and he worried she was ready to call it quits. She had enough of him. She was done, and maybe he deserved that. He sure as hell didn't deserve her. Maybe she finally realized that.

"Want something to drink," he offered lamely.

She waved him off. "I'm okay." she reassured him. She found her way to the couch and he followed behind her.

He hesitated, not wanting to sit. Not wanting to have this conversation right now. Not ever. He stood awkwardly for a minute before settling into the couch, accepting his fate.

"El," she started. Even the tone of her voice sounded nervous and guarded. "I need you to stop running."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she shushed him and continued. "Just listen for a minute please." He wanted to defend his choice, but her face held that defiantly stubborn quality he both loved and hated. "You are running, and I'm not planning on stopping you. But," she elongated the word, "I need to know why you're running." Her eyes dropped to her hands but quickly flit back to his.

He sat in stunned silence. She wasn't demanding anything. She wasn't leaving him. There was not a proposed ultimatum. She just wanted to know why. Unfortunately, the why was almost impossible to explain. Hell, he wasn't even sure he knew why he always felt the need to run.

She waited. She didn't prod him further, and she didn't storm off when he didn't immediately answer. He want ex to talk about it, but he didn't know how to explain how broken he was.

The silence became awkward, and thankfully she asked a more pointed, specific question. "Why are you wearing your ring again?"

The question was blunt and to the point, but the answer was as muddled as everything else in his brain. He began to nervously spin the wedding band that had smugly tormented them for twenty years. "I found…"

She groaned in frustration for the first time since this god awful conversation began. "Don't tell me you found it in a drawer. We both know that's bullshit."

Okay then. He wanted to give her an honest answer so he started talking, hoping the truth lay somewhere in the chaos of thought. "I don't know exactly why. Maybe I feel guilty. Maybe all my kids gave their own lives and I miss having a family. Maybe it was the explosion, or my mother's failing health." He twirled it on his finger. "With the messy chaos of my life I think it gives me some sense of normalcy and comfort I guess." He wasn't sure any of it made sense. He nervously waited for her response.

She considered his words. "Okay."

That's her response? He thought about leaving it at that, but Ayanna's suggestion to "really talk" echoed through his mind. "Okay?" He questioned. "That's it? It's obviously bothering you."

"Fine." She snapped, but nearly instantly softened. Her eyes wandered nervously to her hands again. "It does bother me," she admitted. "But if it somehow makes you feel better about everything I can deal with my discomfort."

He reached for one of her hands and pulled her a little closer. It meant a lot that she was willing to let it go, but he didn't want to feel uncomfortable every time he held her hand. "I think I know why it bothers you, but will you tell me anyway?" He needed to stop assuming she knew his every thought.

"It's pretty obvious I think." She laced her fingers with his. "That was the barrier El. It represented every reason why I couldn't have what I wanted." Her eyes held his, "Who I wanted," she clarified. "Seeing it everyday, glaring at me, reminds me of a time when I wasn't enough."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. Of course it would remind her of his marital status, but he never considered the deeper implications. He made eye contact with her large brown eyes before sliding the ring slowly off his finger. He dropped it onto the coffee table with a plink. He scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "That barrier isn't there anymore," he whispered. He hesitantly brushed his lips across her temple. His heart pounded when she didn't recoil. "You were always enough. You'll always be enough. I just can't work through this guilt."

"But she's gone, Elliot, and I wish she wasn't for yours and the kids sake, but it is what it is. What you and I are doing now isn't wrong."

"I get that. I know that, and I think it's less about what's happening now, and more about what happened in the past."

"Nothing ever happened Elliot," her face filled with obvious confusion.

"Maybe not, but how often did we want something to happen? I wanted you far more than I ever wanted my wife and I'm pretty sure God thinks that's a sin."

"Wanting isn't the same as doing Elliot. You chose the right thing. I chose the right thing. What we felt was irrelevant because you always stayed faithful and I always supported you, in spite of what we felt we did the right thing."

He needed to think for a minute. Thoughts, not actions. Choices. He did the best he could. He kept his family together, even when Olivia became overwhelmingly important to him. He made choices, and he was at peace with them.

"So," she said quietly, "Why are you running?"

He let out a slow breath. Honesty. "It's too much. Everything right in my life is caught in a cycle of perpetual change, and I don't know how to deal with it all." Once the words left his mouth, it finally made sense. He could never find words to explain his ever present impulse to run. But there it was, laid out in front of him. Life hurt too damn much.

Her hand dropped to his knee, and she was suddenly deep into his space, and his heart pounded mercilessly. "Stop running from it. Stay, and we can face it together. You aren't the only broken person in this room Elliot. I have just as much emotional baggage, but maybe if we carry it together the burden will be lighter."

Her eyes were on his, and he felt like she was reaching deep in his soul, cleansing the guilt and pain that constantly lived there.

He wasn't sure initiated it. Maybe it was inevitable, some ordained act of fate, they were powerless to deny. Regardless of who started it, her mouth was on his, warm and soft. Perfectly affectionate.

She shifted her legs beneath her as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and his tongue brushed across her lips. She opened her mouth and he deepened the kiss. His hand slid up her back and between her shoulder blades. She leaned into him enough to push him onto his back. Her hands ran from his chest to his abs, and back up. Their lips broke apart, but he instantly ran his tongue the length of her neck, and she hummed in response.

Her lips stole his again, but now the kisses had become more frantic. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt and they broke apart long enough to pull his shirt over his head. Her hands dragged down his skin while she kept her mouth frantic on his. He groaned into her mouth when her tongue swept into his mouth. His fingers wandered. He grasped the bottom of her shirt and swiftly removed it from her body and tossed it on the ground. His hands ran down the front of her body, he pulled her into his chest. His hand weaved into her hair, and after a deep passionate kiss, he whispered, "I love you." And for now, he hoped that was enough.