Hope for All- Chapter 11
The remainder of the week went by rather normally for both Angela and Tony. Since their return home from the garden center, Angela's mood improved significantly. Tony's unwavering kindness and support lifted her spirits and renewed her sense of hope. She called the clinic on day one of her cycle to start the process again. Both she and Tony were less anxious this time as they both knew what to expect. She went in for her routine bloodwork and sonogram on day three.
On day five, Angela began the oral medication again. Due to the failed first round, her doctor decided to slightly increase the medication, hoping to give them a better chance of success. Her symptoms from last go around came back again, with the abdominal "discomfort" slightly worse than last time. She was feeling the "discomfort" one night after coming home from work.
"Hi Angela! How are you doing?" said Tony as he was in the middle of folding laundry and reading one of his textbooks.
"So so. The increase in medication has me feeling some abdominal discomfort but I'll be fine. How was your day?" she asked, trying to deflect the conversation as to not worry Tony.
Tony was immediately up and moving the laundry basket from the sofa so Angela could sit down. The worried look on his face let Angela know her attempts to deflect failed.
"Here Angela sit down. What can I get for you? Some Tylenol? Something to drink? A heating pad?" he said with an increasing amount of worry in his voice.
"I'm fine Tony, really I am. Maybe a heating pad would be nice if it wouldn't be too much trouble" she said.
"Sure Angela, anything you need" he said as he got up and went upstairs to get the heating pad.
"This is what he's going to be like when I get pregnant I imagine" Angela thought as a smile came across her face. "Stop it Angela! No more thinking about things that may or may not happen. It just hurts too much. You need to focus on the here and now, that's it!" she declared to herself.
Tony came back down the stairs with the heating pad and the Tylenol, just in case she changed her mind. He plugged it in for her and helped her fix the pillows on the sofa so she would be as comfortable as possible.
"Thank you Tony. I know you were busy with work. I don't want to bother you" she said.
"It's no bother at all Angela! Here, take the remote control and I'm going to get you a blanket and something to drink okay?" he said as he made his way into the kitchen.
Angela smiled and started to flip through the channels. She rarely watched television, so it was more of an aimless flip through until she found an old Marx Brothers movie. She knew it was one of Tony's favorites, so she kept it on. Tony came back in with the drink and grabbed a blanket from the closet.
"The Marx Brothers! My favorite!" he said as he laid the blanket over Angela and sat down at the end of the sofa.
"I know" she said softly as she smiled at him. She took a sip of her drink and tried to get into a comfortable position, unsuccessfully. She finally managed to get comfortable, but ended up kicking Tony accidentally.
"Oh Tony I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to kick you!" she said very apologetically.
"Eh oh, oh eh! If you wanted the sofa to yourself, you should've said so!" Tony joked. "No! I mean no I want you… us to share the sofa" she said quietly.
"I've got a better idea Angela" he said as he gently lifted her feet, scooted closer to her so he was just a foot or so from her and placed her feet in his lap. He began rubbing her feet in slow, sensual movements as he looked up and over towards Angela. Their eyes met momentarily before Angela's closed with relaxed pleasure. Tony smiled as he watched Angela enjoy the massage. He started on her feet and slowly moved towards her ankles. Angela let out a soft moan as Tony rubbed a particularly sensitive spot on her ankle.
"I will have to remember that for a later date" thought Tony. Forgetting the movie, his school work and the mountain of unfolded laundry at his feet, he could only focus on the way Angela's soft skin felt in his hands. He bravely decided to move from her ankles to her calves, trying to elicit another moan from Angela.
Just then, Jonathan barged in through the front door, slamming it hard, causing both Tony and Angela to jump.
"Tony! You need to do something! Samantha refused to drive me home from school today! I had to walk!" shouted Jonathan.
"Whoa buddy slow down there! First of all, please keep it down, your mom doesn't feel well. Secondly, I will deal with Samantha when she gets home. Did she say why she didn't take you home?" questioned Tony.
"I'll tell you why" Samantha said as she was coming in the front door. "Someone decided to completely embarrass me today by telling the new kid in my class I thought he was cute!" she yelled at Jonathan.
"That's what I heard you tell Bonnie on the way to school! So what's the problem?" he said.
"He wasn't supposed to know! I'm going to kill you Jonathan!" she yelled as she went to lunge at him before Tony stood up and intervened.
"Eh oh, oh eh! Enough you two! Angela isn't feeling well so keep it down would you?" yelled Tony.
"Jonathan, since when do you tell other people's business? You know better! You need to apologize to Samantha now" said Angela.
"And you missy. I don't care what he does, he's your brother… I mean he's like a brother. You never leave him behind, you hear me?" he said.
"I'm sorry Sam. I shouldn't have told that guy you like him" said Jonathan.
"And I shouldn't have left you behind. Even if you deserved it! Never do that again!" she said.
"Now you two go upstairs and get ready for dinner. It will be ready in about 15 minutes" Tony said as he walked back over to Angela.
The kids started up the stairs but stopped once they were out of sight to spy on their parents. They had been noticing lately both their parents had been acting strangely, well more so than usual. They peered around the staircase to watch them.
"Thank you Tony for the massage. It was amazing and I wish we weren't interrupted" she said with a smirk.
"You and me both Angela, you and me both…" he said as he bent down to kiss her on the forehead. However, Angela tilted her head slightly upwards and met his lips with her own. The kiss was brief but intense, taking their breaths away when they pulled apart.
"I know Thanksgiving is in two days, but I was thinking maybe tomorrow night after work, you and I could go out to dinner somewhere, just the two of us. That is if you feel up to it" said Tony.
"Like a date Tony? asked Angela, with a sense of hope in her voice.
"Uh ummm… yeah a date. If that's okay with you" he said cautiously.
"Yes, I'd like that Tony. How about you pick me up from work and we find a place nearby?" she asked.
"Sounds perfect! Okay you rest up while I finish up dinner" Tony said as he walked back into the kitchen.
Samantha and Jonathan stood frozen in place, not believing what they just overheard. Finally, Jonathan pulled Samantha away from the railing and into the hallway.
"Did you hear that? They are going on a date!" Jonathan said. "Forget the date, did you see that kiss? Something is definitely happening between them! Do you think Mona knows?" Samantha practically squealed in delight.
"I have no idea but maybe tomorrow during their "date" we need to have a nice little chat with Grandma!" he said.
"Sounds like a plan! Now no squealing dweeb, I mean it! We've waited too long for this for it to be messed up now!" she said.
"Scout's honor I won't say a thing! That means you too Sam! No telling Bonnie!" he said.
"Okay deal!" she said as they went into their rooms to get ready for dinner.
The following evening, Tony was ready and waiting by his jeep to pick up Angela from work. Both agreed he wouldn't come up to avoid any teasing from Mona. It turned out to be for nothing as Mona never came back from her late afternoon lunch. Angela locked up the office and made her way downstairs, catching sight of Tony almost immediately.
"Hey there" she said. "Hey yourself!" he said with a chuckle. He opened the car door for her, but she paused before getting in. "Aren't we finding some place close by? I'm shocked you found a spot so close to the office. Are you sure you want to move it?" she questioned.
"So I actually made reservations for us. The place isn't walking distance, so hop on in!" he said. Angela just smiled at him and got in the jeep.
A short while later, Tony pulled up to an Italian restaurant near Columbus Circle. He was able to find street parking again near the restaurant. He took Angela's hand and they walked into the restaurant. There were hundreds of photos with famous celebrities aligning the walls. Tony gave his name and they were seated at a table across the room.
"Oh Tony this place is amazing! Look at all these famous people! How did you find this place?" she asked.
"I've been coming here on and off for years. Frank Sinatra used to come in here all the time. Their spaghetti and meatballs are to die for! They've been in business since the 1940's. It's really a hidden gem around here" he said.
"Well spaghetti and meatballs sounds good! I'll try those" she said as she closed her menu. Tony ordered for both of them, two orders of spaghetti and meatballs.
"So how have you been feeling Angela? Any better?" he asked. "Today was better than yesterday with the discomfort. I'll be glad when I'm done taking this medication though- the bloated feeling is annoying" she laughed.
Tony reached across the table and took hold of her hand. "You are so strong Angela for going through all of this- the testing, the medications, everything. I know I couldn't do it, that's for sure" he said with a seriousness in his voice.
"You don't give yourself enough credit Tony. You would do it if you had to, I know you" she said, gently rubbing her fingers over his knuckles.
"Angela… there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about, but it never seems to be the right time or we get interrupted every two seconds. I had a conversation with Mona a few weeks ago and it made me think… think about us. What we are together, what we mean to each other…" Tony started, his nerves become apparent as sweat began to form above his brow.
Angela's heart began to beat faster as Tony began to speak. Thinking back to her own conversation with her mother not too long ago, Angela was anxious to see where this was leading.
"I like you Angela. You're smart, beautiful, independent, funny and beautiful. There's no one else I'd rather work for, co-parent with, spend Saturday nights watching old movies with or go through this whole process with than you" he said as his voice began to crack.
"Oh Tony. I lo… like you too, a lot. I don't even remember the last time I thought of you as just my housekeeper. You've been my rock through all of this but if I'm being honest, way before we started this process. And you said beautiful twice" she said with a smile.
"Maybe you are two times as beautiful as anyone I've ever met" he said, starting to lean over the table to kiss her, when he was interrupted by the waiter serving their dinners.
"Here you go sir, ma'am. Fresh pepper? Parmesan cheese?" the waiter said holding up both.
"Yes please" said Tony. "Just cheese please" said Angela. He accommodated both before leaving the table.
"So much for not being interrupted" laughed Angela as she started to eat her meal. "Oh Tony! This is delicious! Almost as good as yours…" she said with a smirk.
Tony laughed at Angela's comment as he started in on his own meal. "You think this is good, wait until dessert. They have a tiramisu that's to die for!"
"You know how I love a good dessert" she said rather seductively, causing Tony to slightly choke on his meal. The rest of the meal was spent in relative quietness, talking about work, school and the kids from time to time. As promised, the tiramisu was heavenly. They opted to share dessert as they were both full from dinner. They paid the check and walked out onto the street to head for the car.
Both Tony and Angela were lost in their own thoughts about their interrupted conversation. Neither spoke again about what was said, but every once in a while, they shared one of their looks, signaling everything they wanted to say but were not quite ready to say out loud. They linked arms and walked to the car to head home for the Thanksgiving holiday.
Thanksgiving came and went without much fanfare. The family opted for a quiet holiday with just the five of them celebrating at home. Tony made his usual feast- turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet potato casserole, gravy, biscuits and apple pie for dessert- all homemade. The family enjoyed each other's company, all at some point wondering to themselves if this would be the last year of just the five of them, if next year a new baby would be joining the family.
The following week, Angela got the go ahead to do the trigger shot. Tony felt like a pro after doing the shot the month before, so he felt confident doing this himself. Angela smiled at how easy the shot went this go around. There was no impromptu make out session after this one; instead, they embraced in a hug, one that lasted only moments but conveyed their love and support for one another.
The morning of the insemination, Angela opted against eating breakfast, despite Tony's best attempts. They compromised and packed some snacks for the car ride. Grumpy kids and Mona were awakened again and they were both on the road heading into the city within a few minutes. They arrived at the clinic on time and walked into the waiting room. Before they were called back, Tony turned to Angela.
"Listen Angela, before we go in, I think we should talk. Like I said before, this is going to happen for us I know it is. If it's not this time, it will happen. We just both have to have hope okay? And if one of us falters, we need to be honest and lean on the other okay?" Tony said as he gazed lovingly into Angela's eyes.
Tears began to fall from her eyes. "Oh Tony, I will try okay? I've been trying so hard not to get my hopes up this time but if it starts to be too much, I will tell you, I promise."
Angela and Tony were called back to the rooms to prep for the procedure. Just like previously, Tony was escorted to one room and Angela into another. They were brought together later in the procedure room. Angela and Tony were still amazed at how quickly the procedure started and finished. Angela's anxiety was getting the better of her, so she closed her eyes and took some deep breaths.
"You okay Angela?" Tony asked with worry in his voice. "Yes I'm okay, just nervous. Last time, I couldn't stop picturing what our baby would be like. I'm trying everything right now not to focus on that, but it's so hard" she said.
"I know sweetheart. I did the same too last time. Let's both try and focus on something else okay?" he said.
Both looked at each other, waiting for the other to start a new topic, but both seemed at a loss for words. After a few moments, they both burst out laughing.
"Well so much for that idea" laughed Tony.
"I haven't let myself think much about it since the negative results last time. Maybe I need to think a little about it now. If this does work, who would you want to be the first people we tell, other than Mother and the kids?" she asked.
"That's a good question. I guess Mrs. Rossini- that way I tell her and she tells Brooklyn. Saves the extra trip!" he chuckled. "How long would you want to wait to tell people?" he asked.
"Well the kids and Mother would know right away but I wouldn't feel comfortable telling people until after the first trimester I think. So much could still go wrong at that point. I didn't start showing with Jonathan until around fifteen weeks or so as I remember so we weren't in a rush to tell many people" she said.
"Marie and I told everybody the moment we found out. We were so excited we couldn't help it. We were so young and naive, I don't think we ever even thought about something going wrong. It wasn't until Marie got sick a few years later that I realized happily ever after wasn't a guarantee in life" he said as he grabbed on to Angela's hand. Angela was always touched when Tony shared part of his life with Marie with her- it was so special to know he thought so highly of her to talk freely about Marie, as painful as it most likely was for him.
"Okay Ms. Bower you can go get changed. Your husband can go sign you out and get your discharge paperwork. Remember, if you have any pain, fever or other symptoms listed here, call the clinic or go to the emergency room" the nurse said.
Both Tony and Angela smiled at each other over the nurse's mistake. It wasn't the first time someone innocently mistook them for a married couple. Tony helped Angela off the table and headed out the door. Tony met Angela at the front desk and looped his arm through hers as they left the clinic.
As the were approaching the car, Angela started to feel discomfort on her left side. With each step, it got worse, causing her to wince in pain by the time they reached the car.
"Are you okay Angela?" Tony asked with panic in his voice. "Yes I think so. It's just starting to hurt when I walk on my left side. It stopped once I stopped walking. Let's just get in the car and go home" she said, trying to convince herself as much as Tony everything was fine.
"Are you sure Angela? I don't remember you being in pain like this last time. Should we go back to the clinic?" he asked. "No I'll be fine Tony" she said as she got into the car and tried to get comfortable. Tony reluctantly started the car and headed home, frequently looking over at Angela. He couldn't shake the feeling something was not right this time.
Once they got home, Tony helped Angela into the house, his hands on her waist as she leaned on him. The pain had stopped in the car but resumed again as she walked up the path into the house. She was able to make it to the sofa with Tony's assistance.
"Angela I really don't like this. You are in a lot of pain when you walk. Please let me call the clinic" Tony pleaded with Angela.
"Okay call them. Tell them it's only when I'm walking that it hurts. Use the word pain not discomfort please" she said sarcastically.
Tony found the number and called the clinic. He was able to speak with one of the nurses who assured him it was normal, but if she spiked a fever or the pain got worse, to call back or go to the emergency room. Tony tried to make her as comfortable as possible, but the sofa wasn't cutting it. She decided she needed to lay down in her own bed. Tony helped her up the stairs and got her situated in her bed before heading back downstairs to do some homework and studying.
Tony brought up Angela's lunch so she didn't have to come downstairs. She had managed to fall asleep and was still sleeping when Tony knocked softly on her door. When he didn't hear any response, he slowly opened the door to see her sleeping peacefully. He put her lunch on her nightstand and quietly left the room.
About an hour later, he went back upstairs to check on her. Again he knocked with no answer. She was still sleeping, her lunch untouched. This wasn't like Angela to sleep this long and he knew she needed to eat as the snacks in the car wouldn't be enough nutrition. He walked to her side of the bed and sat down on the edge. Her face looked a bit flushed but otherwise she looked the same.
"Angela… Angela, it's time to wake up for lunch" he said as he gently rubbed her arm.
Slowly, Angela awakened. She was still a bit drowsy as she tried to get up to use the bathroom.
"Easy there Angela! Let me help you. How are you feeling?" he said. "A bit out of it but I think okay" she said. She managed to use the bathroom and freshen up a bit before heading back out to Tony waiting in her bedroom. The pain started back up again as she was leaving the bathroom. By the time she reached her bed, she was hobbling, holding her left side.
"Angela! That pain is back! It looks like you're in worse pain! And you're shivering now!" Tony was practically yelling with panic in his voice.
"The pain is about the same, maybe a little worse. I think you are right though, I feel really cold, it must be a fever" she said as she shivered. Tony sat next to her and kissed her forehead to see if she in fact had a fever, which she did. He went into caretaker mode and went to find a thermometer as well as some Tylenol. He took her temperature, which registered at 101F.
"Alright Angela, I'm calling the clinic back" he said as he ran downstairs. He was able to speak to the nurse again, who told him he needed to take her to the nearest emergency room as there could be a complication or infection. Panic was starting to take over as he ran back upstairs, visions of Marie when she was so sick intruding his thoughts.
"Angela, we are going to the emergency room. It could be an infection or complication from the procedure. Let me help you get dressed" he said as he was already getting her clothes together.
"I don't really think it's necessary Tony…" she started but was interrupted by Tony. "Angela, you are going, no ifs, ands or buts about it! I'll carry you if I have to!" he said with a sense of urgency and concern Angela didn't have the energy to argue with at the moment.
He helped her get changed and then supported her as they walked out of the bedroom and slowly down the stairs. He was helping her on with her coat when Samantha and Jonathan walked into the house.
"Oh good you both are home. Look, I'm taking Angela to the emergency room. She's in some pain and has a fever. The clinic told us to go in to make sure she's okay. I don't think we will be back by dinner. Samantha, call Mona and have her come home early and figure out dinner. I will call you guys as soon as we know anything" he said.
"Okay Dad. I hope you feel better soon Angela" Samantha said as she was trying to not cry.
"Mom are you okay?" Jonathan said with fear in his voice. "Yes sweetheart I'm okay. Don't either of you worry. I'll be fine okay" said Angela as she tried to hide the pain she was in as not to scare them anymore than they already were as she moved towards the door. Tony supported her out the door and to the car, needing to stop once as the pain was too much for her to keep walking.
Once they got to the emergency room, Tony found a wheelchair for Angela and wheeled her into the main entrance area to be triaged. Tony was given some paperwork to complete, while Angela was being seen by an intake staff member. Tony finished the paperwork and was pacing back and forth until a nurse came out to bring him back to be with Angela.
When the nurse pulled back one of the curtains and Angela was lying there, hooked up to a blood pressure machine and heart monitor, Tony froze. It was a different hospital, different staff and of course a different person, but he couldn't help but feel like he was transported back in time to when he had to bring Marie into the hospital. He had to watch the woman he loved be in so much pain and there was nothing he could do about it. Now it was all coming back to him. He felt so helpless as he watched the current love of his life lying there in the bed.
Angela looked up when she saw Tony at the foot of the bed, frozen with fear. She could only imagine the thoughts running through his mind right now and all she wanted to do was alleviate all those fears, wrap her arms around him in a big hug.
"Hi" she said, hoping to as gently as possible get Tony out of his frozen state. It seemed to work as Tony shook his head slightly and moved to the side of her bed, taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles.
"How are you feeling? Have they said anything?" asked Tony.
"No not really. They took some blood and have me temporarily hooked up to the heart machines as a precautionary measure. They will be sending me for an internal sonogram soon to see if they can figure out the pain" she said as she squeezed his hand.
Just then, an attending physician came in to see Angela. He glanced at her chart before asking her a round of personal questions.
"Okay well we need to wait to see what the bloodwork results show but considering you have a fever, I'm assuming you have some sort of infection. Even as intense as the pain is, it could just be related to the insemination and medications but an internal sonogram will hopefully give us some answers. I'd like to start you on some IV antibiotics regardless to prevent the infection from spreading. Any questions?" he said as he continued to write in her chart.
"If… if I'm pregnant, will the antibiotics hurt the baby?" she said with tears in her eyes.
"The antibiotics I'm prescribing shouldn't hurt the developing embryo at this stage" he said. A technician showed up just as the doctor was about to leave, ready to take Angela for the internal sonogram. He informed Tony he would be able to wait here and she should be back within a half hour. He turned to Angela, brushing the hair that had fallen across her face. He leaned in for a quick kiss.
"I'll be right here when you get back. I'm going to go call home and check in on everybody" he said as they wheeled her out of the area.
Angela had never been so nervous as she was being wheeled down the hallway for the sonogram. The technician met her there and instructed her to move over to the table to start the sonogram. As if this process wasn't hard enough, the technician had to be at least eight months pregnant. "Really? There couldn't have been anyone else able to do this but her?" she thought angrily.
Now Angela thought she had a high tolerance for pain, but nothing prepared her for the pain of this internal sonogram. Tears were flowing down her face as she tried to visualize anything to take her away from the intense pain. Not even picturing Tony helped this time. She tried not to cry out in pain, but a few times she couldn't help it. After what seemed like an eternity, the sonogram was over and she was wheeled back.
Tony took one look at Angela and knew something was wrong. He could tell she had been crying. As soon as she was back on the bed, he ran right to her side and wrapped his arms around her in a hug.
"Oh Tony that was horrible! I've never been in so much pain in my life. And to top it off, the technician looked like she was about to go into labor she was so pregnant. Tony, I just want to go home" she cried into his shoulder.
"Oh Angela, I'm so sorry. I wish I could take some of this from you. What can I do?" he asked.
"Just hold me okay? I need you as close to me as possible" she said. He got as close to her as the gurney would allow. He stroked her hair with his one hand and held her hand in the other. They stayed like this until the doctor came back in with an update.
"So the results have come back. Nothing conclusive on the internal sonogram- no masses, cysts or any other abnormalities came back. Your bloodwork does show some sort of an infection, which the IV antibiotics I ordered will hopefully take care of it. However, there is a chance that the infection caused some damage to the fallopian tubes and other structures that the sonogram couldn't see. If this is the case, conceiving naturally or with insemination may not be possible. I recommend following up with your physicians as soon as possible. The good news is that if this is the case, it wouldn't prohibit you from exploring IVF or surrogacy. The nurses should be here in a few minutes with the IV antibiotics. I want to keep you here overnight to allow the medication to take effect, but you should be good to go home early tomorrow morning" he said.
"Thank you doctor. We appreciate all your help" said Tony. His eyes never left Angela as he spoke, for fear she would fall apart.
"Is… is there a chance I could still be pregnant?" Angela said in a voice just above a whisper.
"It is possible, but I would say not probable unfortunately. I'm sorry" he said as he left the room.
A sound Tony had never heard before escaped Angela. It was a mix of a sob, a moan and something else all together that emitted the pain, anguish and hopelessness they were both feeling. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. No words were needed again as they both cried in each other's arms.