Chapter 3:
The sun is shining down on her as she makes her way across campus, making her wonder how long it'll be before the weather starts cooling down. It's still summer, but only for a few more weeks. She's used to Ohio weather. This is New Jersey. Quinn isn't sure how different it'll be, but she's excited to discover it first hand. That leads to her thinking of her friends in New York. They're not that far from her, which is a relief. She was nervous to come here alone, but knowing she's not that far from seven close friends makes her feel better. She doesn't have to go all the way back to Ohio to not be lonely. Not that she's been terribly lonely. An upside to being beautiful, stylish, and smart is she never lacks attention. She used to rule high school. Sort of. She did, and then she sort of….stopped caring. Rachel's illness and battle for her life made her learn about what really matters and popularity just isn't it. They all learned a lot from watching Rachel struggle. They learned a lot from helping her. They matured faster than their peers. In fact, she thinks they're technically happier than them because they've already learned what matters most and how to handle challenges.
While it's a relief to know a large part of her framily is nearby, she's equally relieved to be able to step out on her own. She misses them terribly, but she can't lie to herself; she needs her own chance to shine. And as much as she hates to admit it, that just couldn't happen while spending so much time around Rachel Berry. Her friend is such a bright star that she naturally draws people's attention, even off stage. But especially on it. Then, add on battling a life threatening illness and needing more attention and support than the others, means there just wasn't as much attention for Quinn or the others. Not that they were ignored or pushed aside, not at all. Rachel herself made sure they all got attention, support, and love. They all did that for each other. That's what made them all more family than friends. However, there's no denying that Rachel got the most. It was needed and understandable, but it's hard for a teenager.
There's a part of Quinn that is jealous of the framily who are living together in New York. They have each other to lean on and hang out with. She's been talking to them, so she knows they're having a blast living together. There's a small pang in her heart when she thinks of them together and her here alone. But there's another part of Quinn that is relieved to not be living with them. By being away, she doesn't have to deal with Rachel's medical issues, the stress of her illness, or subsequent drama. She feels guilty for thinking it, but it's reality. She loves that she's close enough to visit them once in a while. Santana's been asking her when she'll be coming to visit. She wants to go soon, but she also doesn't want to miss out on events for freshman that seem to be occurring almost every weekend. Maybe in October. They'll have to schedule something. Selfishly, she wants to wait until Rachel's next moderate attack and visit shortly after it. Less chance of having to witness one, deal with the aftermath, or have it interfere with any plans. Not that she wouldn't be happy to comfort Rachel through one, but she'd rather avoid the necessity.
Despite all of this, she can't wait to see all of them and hug them tight. Especially Rachel. Honestly, if she had to choose between living on her own in New Jersey and getting to shine but never seeing Rachel again or living with all of them in New York and having to deal with her health issues, but having Rachel around, she'd choose to be with them. Being on her own and getting to shine is really nice and she's thrilled. But nothing beats having all of her friends, Rachel included, in her life.
Everyone deserves a chance to shine. Rachel herself would agree with that, Quinn is positive.
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Blaine Anderson is miserable. He misses his boyfriend. They talk every day, but it's not enough. He misses his best friend and worries about her. She's not around for him to visit, so he only knows how she's doing when he talks to her or Kurt. It's not enough. He misses all of his friends who graduated. So many of his close friends have moved away and while he's happy for them, it sucks for him. He's glad he still has Tina, Artie, and even Sugar (mostly….she's still annoying at times), but everyone else in the club is new. Wade is very talented but Blaine isn't sure how to feel about him yet. The cross dressing singer can be very arrogant, loud, and annoying. Well, it's mostly his penchant for talking in third person that annoys Blaine. Also, Wade flip flops between being very friendly/supportive and being competitive to the point of being mean. It's leaving Blaine uncertain how to feel about his new teammate. Marley is sweet and very talented. Like, almost Rachel-level talented. But without any of the confidence. Joe is quiet. He doesn't talk much but he has a decent voice. They even have a foreign exchange student from Ireland, Rory, who can sing pretty well. But that's only eight. They still need four more members to actually be a club and be able to compete. They're holding a second round of auditions next week. Hopefully that will add some new members. And yet…..he doesn't care. All he wants is to be with Kurt.
Blaine never thought he'd be so miserable his senior year. But here he is, in September, eagerly waiting for June so he can graduate and move to New York with the others.
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It's hot. She is not used to heat like this. Mercedes sips her iced latte and wonders if she'll ever get used to the weather here. She's lonely. Sure, she's met some classmates and made a few new friends, but it's no the same. It's not them. She misses the others. At times, she gets jealous thinking of them all living together in New York and wonders if she made a mistake coming out here to L.A.. But then she reminds herself that she's following her dreams. Kurt, Rachel, and Brittany are following their dreams, too. Finn may just be following Rachel, but his dream seems to be a life with her. Even Puck is following his dream. Hopefully his dream will lead him out here soon, but until then, he's building it in New York. Sam's dream can be achieved anywhere and she kind of wishes he'd moved out here with her so she wouldn't be alone, but understands why he chose to join the others in New York. Their relationship was short but passionate. Maybe they can get together again one day in the future.
Mercedes wonders how Mike and Quinn are handling being on their own
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After tossing the empty water bottle in the trash, Mike rejoins his classmates. He's exhausted but happily so. He's glad he decided to follow his dream of dancing. There's a small part of him that is happy to know he can become a doctor in the future if he chooses to, and he thinks he'd be happy with that. But dance is what brings him joy, the way singing brings Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine joy. He wonders how his friends are doing. He misses them all terribly, but is so happy dancing every day that he doesn't regret moving out here. He does regret letting Tina break up with him, but he understands why. Long distance relationships are hard. He hopes Kurt and Blaine are able to keep their relationship alive.
He should call them all soon, check in with them. Quinn and Mercedes, too.
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"God almighty, Schwimmer. Is it possible your dancing is getting worse?" Her dance instructor walks into the room to find her practicing in front of the mirror before class begins.
Rachel holds back her irritation. "I've been practicing as much as I can. I've just had a little bit of a rough week."
"Aaaw. You tired? You lonely? You homesick? Well you better decide how badly you want it, 'cause this school is filled with people who will do whatever necessary to make it in this business."
Rachel looks around at the other students who arrived early but avoided her as usual. They're watching and listening to their instructor insult Rachel. She's sure it'll only keep them away even more. Frustrated and confused, she decides she can't ignore it. She walks up to Ms. July to talk to her quietly. "Why are you picking on me?"
Ms. July becomes annoyed. "I'm not." Rachel frowns in confusion when she waves her hands weirdly. "I'm motivating you." Rachel looks at her oddly, eyes jumping back and forth. She takes a slight step back. The woman groans. "What's your problem now?"
Rachel can smell alcohol on her breath. It's making her uncomfortable, reminding her too much of her father drinking and getting drunk. It'd lead to him insulting her, screaming at her, then beating her. Her stomach rolls and her heart feels heavy. Kurt told her about Cassie July, a.k.a. Crazy July. The woman who had it all ten years ago, but blew it when she got angry during a performance and attacked a member of the audience. Now she's a teacher at NYADA. And apparently an alcoholic. She feels bad for the woman; she made one mistake and it ruined her whole career. However, she has less sympathy than she would have since Cassie turned to alcohol. Still, she's not about to out the woman in front of other students. Her own father got upset, drank too much, and died of alcohol poisoning. What if Cassie gets upset about being called out for drinking in front of students and does the same? Or she could end up fired, then drink too much. No. She can help avoid that by not saying anything.
Rachel backs off, eyes downcast, and mumbles out a "Nothing, sorry."
Something in Cassie's body language changes. Rachel isn't looking directly at her, but from the corner of her eye she catches a shift. Worried she still managed to anger her instructor, she scurries off to drink some water. Something has to change or this class is going to make her miserable. Her friends are right, though. They insisted she can't give in to Cassie and can't back down. She can't give up. Not now. Not after everything. She can't let one mean woman stop her from reaching her dream. And she won't. Rachel will keep practicing and do her best to let the insults and comments slide off her back. Luckily, she has a bunch of friends to make her feel better when she gets home. And calling her mom every day helps, too. Trying to spin it in a positive light, her mom helped her see how lucky she is to get to learn from someone as talented as Cassandra July. "Ignore the barbs, focus on the instruction she gives." Also, Rachel is happy that she hasn't collapsed again. She's been tired after class, but not to the point of collapsing. Brittany has been happy to practice with her when Rachel feels up to it, meaning she's getting a little exercise every day and increasing her stamina. Hopefully this also means she'll be in remission soon.
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The liquid makes an annoying glug-glug sound while leaving the bottle. Cassie's hand is shaking as she pours the alcohol down the drain. How could she be so stupid as to get drunk before class? Before Berry's class? No. She can't let that happen again. It's unprofessional and unsafe. And Berry looked so uncomfortable…Cassie decided to dump out the alcohol she has stored in her office and studio. She knows she can't just dump out all of her alcohol, including what's at home. She can't go cold turkey. Especially since her best friend drinks a lot, too. She and April love drinking and singing/dancing and goofing off. Plus, the drinking games they play are a hoot. She's not willing to give all that up. However, she can stop drinking at work.
And she will. Starting now.
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"That one. Definitely that one." Rachel says firmly.
"And the hippo broach isn't too much?"
"Nope. It's perfect."
"Are you sure?" Kurt asks uncertainly.
His fingers nervously pluck at the buttons. Santana knocks his hands away. "Yes. She's right. Definitely this one. Stop worrying so much!"
Kurt stares at her incredulously while Rachel bites back a grin. Brittany is bouncing happily on the bed, just as excited for Kurt as Rachel is. "Stop worrying?! This is an interview for ! This would be an incredible experience for me! Not, you know, NYADA incredible, but still amazing."
"You love fashion, so of course it'd be incredible for you. You're going to be really happy working there."
"If I get the internship!"
"You will." Rachel kisses his cheek and hugs him tight. "You'll get it. Because you are Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. You are amazing. All you have to do is show them how amazing you are. Just be you."
Kurt hugs her back. "Thanks, Tink. I'll go with this outfit, but I'm still gonna FaceTime Blaine and get his opinion."
"Of course."
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Yero shuffles around at her feet, getting comfortable. Once he finds a spot he's happy with, he settles down. Rachel smiles and uses her foot to pet his back. Class should begin soon. She likes being early, but doesn't like sitting in awkward silence because no one will talk to her. It's gotten to the point now that a few classmates will nod or smile politely at her. Some even seem happy to work with her in class…when they're assigned to work together. But this is another class where no one is particularly friendly. Meghan in particular is nasty. Rachel doesn't like her. She always looks at Rachel as though she's beneath her and scrunches up her nose as she passes her as though she stinks.
"You know," speak of the devil, "you really shouldn't be here."
Rachel answers Meghan through clenched teeth. She's tired of these comments. "And yet my schedule says this is my class."
Meghan's eyes jump between Yero and Rachel. "You need to be realistic. You can't perform if you have epilepsy or something. And no one is going to hire you. It'd be too risky."
She's not wrong. Still, she doesn't have epilepsy and it's none of Meghan's business. It's not her place to say anything. The fact that she says it all in a nasty tone doesn't help, either. Having heard comments like this for over a week now, Rachel finds she's no longer interested in responding politely. Sorry, Mom.
"By the time I could be hired to work on Broadway, I'll either be in remission or dead so it won't really matter." She replies in a snarky tone. There's a smattering of both gasps and chuckles at that. "Not that it's any of your business."
Their classmates are watching the two of them. Some seem amused while some seem uncertain or even concerned. Meghan scoffs and finally takes a seat, leaving Rachel alone. Later in class, she's working with Bailey, who is nice. They finish their assignment quickly and are sitting quietly waiting for the next part of class. Wanting to be friendly, Rachel starts asking the girl questions; where she's from, what she's majoring in, how NYADA is going for her, etc. The girl answers happily.
"It's so different from Maryland. I like the city but I kind of miss the mountains."
"I get it." Rachel says with a smile. "There's a spot in the woods in Ohio where my friends and I would hang out. You could see some mountains from there. And we'd go hiking sometimes and see pretty views. I don't like the outdoors too much since I don't like bugs or being dirty, but I do love the views."
"Yes! I'm the same way!" Bailey bounces in her seat excitedly. It reminds Rachel so strongly of Brittany that she laughs. Then the girl calms down and looks at her hesitantly. Knowing what's coming but not interested in guiding it along, Rachel waits patiently. "Um, you told Meghan earlier that you could go into remission or die. And you have a service dog."
"Yup. Either is technically possible at any time." Which really sucks. She could go into remission or get a double attack and die.
Bailey flinches back lightly. "Seriously? Um, then….I mean absolutely no disrespect because I heard you sing in Ms. Tibideaux's class, so I know you're really talented…..better than me….but should you be here? Clearly you're talented enough, but…..I'm sorry. It's not my place."
"It's not." Rachel agrees softly. She was going to leave it at that, but Bailey seems to be on the cusp of being a friend and Rachel would like to have another friend on campus. It'd make school easier for her. And brushing her off now could push her away. Rachel forces herself to go on. "But I understand your concerns. I really could go into remission at any time and the school board agreed that it's a good enough chance, and I'm talented enough, that it's worth the risk. They only had to make some minor exceptions for me to be able to attend, so they agreed. I had to sign a waiver stating that I understand the risks to my health. And my mom had to sign a waiver promising not to sue the school if I end up dying here. The board is reevaluating my performance at the end of the semester to see if I can return next semester. As long as I don't miss too many classes or get worse, it should be fine. If the school thinks I can't keep up, they'll ask me to leave until I'm in remission. And so would my mom."
"Got it." Bailey answers uncomfortably. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize. You were understandably curious. At least you were nice about it."
"Yeah. Sorry Meghan is such a bitch. I don't really like her."
Rachel chuckles. "Me neither."
Thankfully, Bailey doesn't push for more information and the conversation moves back to lighter topics.
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Her legs are sore. Her bruises throb. But she's not feeling weak or exhausted, so she pushes on.
"What's the problem, people? You've been here two weeks. You should be dancing at, like, Black Swan levels of psychosis by now. You, Miss Schwimmer, show me your piqué."
Brittany has been helping her practice at home. Rachel is incredibly grateful to her friend. She confidently performs a piqué.
"Okay, give me another one. Center yourself this time. That's better, slightly." Ms. July admits grudgingly.
Rachel holds back a grin and keeps dancing as her teacher moves away to watch others dance.
"This is so boring." The woman moans.
It's tiring. Dance class goes on and Rachel is confident she's doing well and improving. However, as class draws to an end, she is tiring. Feeling a little shaky, she reluctantly takes a seat. Yero licks her face the moment she sits.
"What are you doing, Schwimmer?"
Rachel nervously looks up at her irritated teacher. Ms. July is watching her with a frown.
"Getting water." She admits. She reminds herself that none of her teachers are allowed to force her to keep going if she says she's tired. They can't push her too hard. She answers while trying to not sound as out of breath as she is. "I'm tired and I'd rather not collapse again, so I'm going to sit out until I feel steadier."
A weird look crosses Ms. July's face and Rachel worries she'll have to either argue with her teacher or give in and keep dancing when she doesn't feel up to it.
"Fine. Whatever."
A few classmates look over at her but keep dancing. A few (mainly girls) give her looks of disdain. One or two look concerned. Rachel does her best to ignore them and open her water. It drops from her hands and rolls away. Yero grabs it in his mouth and brings it to her. Before she can try to open it again, it's taken from her hands. A dark skinned guy whose name she thinks is Devon has it. Without a word, he opens it and hands it back to her. She gives a quick thanks and he nods and goes back to dancing. As disappointed as Rachel is to sit out, she knows her mom will be pleased and proud of her when she tells her about it later.
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Kurt barrels through the front door, rushes through locking it behind him and runs around looking for his sister. He finds her in the kitchen cooking dinner. After making sure he's not about to cause her to make a mess or be hurt, he pulls her away from the stove and dances around with her.
"I got it! I got it! I got it!"
"You got the internship?! I'm so happy for you!"
She hugs him tight and the two jump around the kitchen, celebrating. Then Rachel leads him to the counter and reveals a cookie cake. At her urging, he lifts the cardboard lid to look inside. Written on it in icing is "Congrats, Kurt! We never doubted you!" Knowing Rachel had to have gotten it before he found out and had it ready ahead of time, he feels a swell of pride and love. He hugs her and dances her around again. He holds her steady through the dizzy spell that suddenly hits her, then urges her to sit and takes over cooking the dinner until she swears she's steady enough to resume her task.
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The three weeks without Rachel have been rough. She hasn't cried as much as she feared and she hasn't caved in and gone back to New York to visit her yet, so she counts it as a success. It's going well, it's simply…hard. She misses her daughter. While she spends a lot of time with her husband, obviously, she also spends a lot of time outside of work with friends, visiting with family, and she's back to helping out with Vocal Adrenaline. She still refuses to be the main coach. She won't go back to that until after Rachel is in remission again. But Shelby found that she absolutely cannot sit home in an empty, quiet house for long. It makes it painfully obvious that Rachel isn't around.
As promised, they talk every day. Shelby was thrilled to find that not only does Rachel text her randomly during the day and respond to her own text messages, but she also calls her every evening/night to tell her about her day. It's Shelby's favorite part of the day. Amusingly, Rachel often passes the phone to her friends, so Shelby gets to talk to at least one of the other kids as well. At this point, three weeks in, she has spoken to all of them at least once. She made sure to tell Kurt she appreciated him letting her know how Rachel's treatment went.
Despite all of this, Shelby finds herself uncomfortable in her own home at times. Especially when she's home but Scott is at work or out with friends, like tonight. Not having Rachel home and knowing she won't be home any time soon makes her physically and emotionally uncomfortable. Shelby has to intentionally remind herself that Rachel is in another state going to college and that's the only reason she's not here. So, when home alone, she busies herself. Today has been a particularly tough day. She woke up this morning from a nightmare and hurried into Rachel's room to check on her, completely forgetting she wouldn't be there. Seeing the empty room briefly threw her into a panic before she fully woke up and reality sunk in. She's been off balance and a little upset all day. Then she'd gotten a call from Kurt shortly after the school day ended to let her know that Rachel had come home early. She'd gotten a migraine, which had started at school. She messaged her friends and it was determined that Sam was the closest to her, so he rushed to the school and escorted her home. Kurt said Sam called an Uber instead of taking the bus, so it'd be faster and quieter for Rachel. He'd held her head against his chest, shielding her eyes and ears as best he could on the drive home. Then he'd carried her up to her room, given her a pain pill, and stayed with her until she fell asleep. Shelby is happy that Rachel's friends are able to rush to her side and take care of her; and are happy to do it. But it still kills her a little that she isn't there to take care of her kid or comfort her. Plus, she spent all day looking forward to talking to her daughter to make herself feel better and now she won't get that because her kid isn't feeling up to talking.
Miserable and on edge, Shelby decides to distract herself by deep cleaning the kitchen. After putting on music, she begins up high; dusting the ceiling, lights, and top of the cabinets. She makes her way down, wiping down cabinets, shelves, and counters. Moving on to the floor, she sweeps, then mops. Wanting to make sure she gets every part of the floor thoroughly, Shelby grabs the kitchen table and drags it out of the way. The fingers of her left hand feel something different under the table than the smooth wood that the fingers of her right hand feel. Frowning and wondering what mess is stuck there (and how long it's been there), Shelby sighs and gets down on her knees to inspect it. She blinks. Then blinks again. On the underside of the kitchen table, clear as day, is a handprint.
A handprint made with pink paint.
Rachel's pink handprint.
A startled laugh bubbles out of her. Then another. And another. Tears soon join her laughter. She wraps her arms around her legs and laugh-cries into her knees. Once she is fully spent, her emotions released, she stands. The mother hurries into the living room and grabs a framed photo from off a shelf. It's of the handprint war the Glee girls had had when Rachel was in stage four. They'd all had a rough two weeks. Rachel had been home and facing the fact that she only had two months left to live. Her friends had been back to school and facing the fact that Rachel would not be returning to school ever again. It had been hard on all of them. Shelby had invited the Glee girls and their mothers over for a girls day. They'd painted little canvases before Rachel got bored and painted her hand pink. Then she'd planted her painted hand on Santana's cheek, branding her. Thus began the handprint war; the girls painted their hands and tried to get their handprints on each other's cheeks. Looking at the photo now, Shelby is smiling despite the tears streaming down her face. The girls are crammed together, cheeks covered in colorful handprints, hands held up so the camera can see their painted palms. All of the girls are smiling happily. Despite the good time they'd had that day, Shelby's smile dims as she takes in Rachel's appearance. She'd been stage four; pale, gaunt, tired eyes, dark bags under her eyes. She'd been on her deathbed a month later. She looks pretty terrible in the picture. But her smile is huge and real and so happy. Shelby shakes off her melancholy memories and focuses on her whole reason grabbing this photo. Looking at the picture as a whole, she takes in Rachel's position at the table. She walks back into the kitchen and compares the table to where Rachel had been sitting in the photo. Yup. It's the exact spot. Rachel must have pressed her painted hand under the table to leave her mark. She's curious as to why, but she has her suspicions. If she's correct, then she does not want it confirmed.
Regardless of the reason, Shelby has another physical reminder of Rachel's time living here. Smiling, she decides this is her new spot at the table. That way, whenever she's upset, she can press her hand against the painted handprint and hopefully feel connected to her daughter.
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Carmen Tibideaux stands before them, lecturing and occasionally modeling portions of her lesson on vocal range. Rachel is fascinated. This is her favorite class. Yes, it's only once a week and she doesn't get to sing as much as she'd like to in this class, but she's learning so much! They run scales together, practice certain things together (such as holding a sustained note or jumping octaves), but as Madame Tibideaux said at her first class, they don't get to sing in front of the class. There is another vocal class where they do more singing practice, mostly practicing what they learn with Ms. Tibideaux, but they still don't get solos or to perform. Here in the round room, the students mostly listen and take notes. Still, Rachel really enjoys it. Which is why she is more upset than usual when Yero suddenly sits up and places his paws on her lap, letting out a low whine. In the round room, all sound is amplified. Everyone hears it. Madame Tibideaux stops talking and turns towards her, eyes narrowed.
Despite her embarrassment, Rachel knows it'd be best for her to move to the floor. This is why she always sits on the end, near the door. Out of the way. Once she's sitting on the floor, Yero stands over her legs so that she can lean on him. Brody, who had been sitting nearby, crouches uncertainly beside her. Knowing what's coming, she wraps her arms around Yero and leans against his back. As soon as she does, the pinpricks begin piercing her chest and she sucks in a breath. She hears murmuring and feet moving closer. A hand presses against her back.
"Rachel?" A low voice asks. Brody.
Knowing any sound she makes will be amplified in this room and heard by all, she focuses on not releasing any groans or whimpers. Face pinched and pressed into Yero's back, she fights against the pain to suck in ragged breaths.
"Ms. Berry, I know for a fact that you have greater lung capacity than that." Madame Tibideaux must have come closer and be standing in front of her. "Take in larger breaths. I don't want you passing out."
Rachel nods and forces herself to take in a deeper breath. It hurts like a bitch, but she manages it. However, she let a moan slip out. A wave of dizziness hits her and she leans sideways against her will, her grip on Yero slipping. Brody moves closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her against his side. Yero whimpers and butts his head into her chest. Crap. She hasn't taken in another breath. The pain distracted her.
"Again, Ms. Berry."
Jaw clenched and fingers now digging into Brody's arm, Rachel manages to take in two fast breaths, then a longer breath.
"Use the exercises we practiced at the start of class to control your breathing through the pain."
The needles dig in deep and her head is pounding. It's a challenge, but she manages to do as instructed. Her entire body is tensed up, but she's managing to get in more air now. She didn't think to tell Brody he should time these. It feels like it's taking forever to end. Waves of dizziness crash over her, forcing her to lean more on Brody. The pain finally begins to recede. When it ends, the room is slowly spinning and her head is pounding. Yero moves. He grabs her bag and sets it in Brody's lap. He knows the routine.
"Oh, shi—uh—darn." Brody says. "I forgot about the oxygen."
He rummages in her bag and pulls out the oxygen tank. He grabs both the mask and nasal cannula. "Uh, which do you—"
With a shaking hand she taps the nasal cannula.
"Mr. Weston, are you fine with monitoring her until someone can come get her?"
"I am, ma'am. And I'll text her boyfriend now."
"Good."
Rachel is relieved when Madame Tibideaux resumes her lesson. Hopefully it'll take some attention off of her currently rather pathetic state. Unable to sit up, she focuses on breathing as deeply as she can and staying awake. The dizziness is fading but not going away entirely. She looks over at her abandoned notebook with a forlorn expression. Brody chuckles softly.
"Don't worry about it." He whispers.
Rachel knows Finn will walk out of his class and head straight to her, but it'll still take around half an hour for him to get here. Everyone is busy these days. Brittany has her dance classes at Juliard. Rachel has her NYADA classes. Kurt has his internship. Sam is taking classes to be a paramedic. Noah has a job with a pool cleaning business. Finn has his community college classes. Santana got a job as a singing waitress at a theater diner. It honestly sounds fun. If Rachel weren't sick, she's sure she'd love to work there with her friend. Santana scheduled her shifts for late afternoon/evenings into night. Most of the others are home in the evening, so there'll be people around to be there for Rachel. This way Santana's home in the morning with her. She's using Rachel as her excuse, and yes it's needed, but Rachel is well aware that Santana loves sleeping in and is quite happy with this arrangement.
Even as she fights against it, her eyelids slowly slip closed. She honestly thinks she wouldn't mind these attacks quite so much if she felt fine afterwards, like after a mild attack. But no, she's left exhausted and weak for hours afterwards. Rachel does her best to listen with her eyes closed. Class ends and their teacher comes over to check on them.
"Are you alright, Ms. Berry?"
Rachel pries her eyes open and answers groggily. "Yeah. Just tired. And dizzy."
The formidable woman nods. "Please stay seated until someone comes to assist you home and do not return today. Understood?"
"Yes ma'am."
"This is why she shouldn't be here." A voice says.
Rachel sees Madame Tibideaux's expression close off as her eyes land on the girl speaking. "Frankly Ms. Curtis, it is none of your concern. Perhaps if you had Ms. Berry's work ethic, you'd have a fraction of her talent."
There are a few gasps and chuckles. Rachel is wide-eyed. Beneath her head, Brody's chest rumbles with laughter. With a nod, the woman takes her leave. Scowling, the bitch leaves as well, storming out in a huff.
"Sorry about that." The blonde guy says passing by. She hasn't learned his name yet.
"There's one….in every class." Rachel says quietly.
"In that case, I'm really sorry. You don't deserve to have to deal with that." He says. "Are you guys good? I can stay if—"
"Thank, Brian, but it's taken care of. Someone is coming for her and they'll get her home. I'll stay with her until then."
Once the room is empty save for them, Rachel tries to sit up. Brody's hands hover around her. "Sorry. You can…..head to class." She tells him.
"Uh, no. I can't. And clearly I have Tibideaux's permission to stay here with you, so it's all good."
"Still, I feel bad tha—"
"Well don't." His hands grab her arms, steadying her. "And I don't know if you noticed, but you're swaying even while sitting."
"It's 'cause she's stubborn. She knows she's not supposed to move yet." Slowly, Rachel turns her head to look to the side. Santana is walking towards them. She kneels beside Rachel and takes her hand. "How are you, Rach?"
"Tired. Headache. Kinda dizzy. When I move."
"Uh, I mean no offense, but….are you here to take her home?" Brody asks hesitantly.
Santana makes a face. "No. But I hadn't left for my shift yet when Finn called me. He's on his way but will be a little longer. He wanted someone who knows her to stay with her until he gets here."
"I'm fine with staying." He insists. "I can even carry her somewhere."
Rachel feels the need to chime in. "I might be able to walk with a little he—"
"No." They both cut her off.
Santana sits behind her and wraps her arms around Rachel, resting her clasped hands on her stomach. Knowing she won't be allowed to get up anytime soon, Rachel leans back against her friend. "Thank you, but I've got it from here. Finn will be here soon."
Though clearly hesitant, Brody stands. "Alright. Let me know if you end up needing a hand with anything, alright?"
"Will do." He leaves and Santana lets out a breath. "God, Berry. How do you end up with the hottest guys falling all over themselves for you?"
Rachel doesn't bother responding. She feels Santana rest her head on top of hers and lets her eyes close once more. She dozes in her friend's arms until Finn arrives. By then, she is able to argue that she no longer needs oxygen so they put it away. She also insists that it's been long enough that she can walk across campus with their help. Even though they argue with her, they end up giving in. Finn wraps an arm around her waist. Santana follows close enough to intervene if necessary. They move slowly, with Yero carrying her backpack. It draws less attention this way. Once they're off campus, she lets Finn lift her into his arms and carry her to the Uber he'd asked to wait. She falls asleep on the way home and wakes hours later in her bed. Brittany is snuggling with her, making her smile.
"Call your mom before she freaks out."
Rachel chuckles and takes the phone from her friend. It sounds like someone already informed her mother of her attack. Which also means the woman is anxiously waiting for her to let her know she's okay. She's annoyed that she still doesn't feel well, even hours later. The conversation with her mom is short but very much needed, for both of them. After, Rachel declines dinner and goes back to sleep.
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Brody Weston sits on the edge of his bed in the early morning sunlight. The muscular man is frowning down at his arms. More specifically, he's staring at the small, faint bruises on his forearms. Rachel Berry dug her fingers into his arms during her attack the day before. He can't even begin to fathom the level of pain she must have been in. From what he understands, she's dealt with these attacks every couple weeks for three years. Years. Doing quick math in his head, the number he comes up with is staggering. By this point, rounding up, it is possible that she could have had nearly a hundred moderate attacks. The number he came up with is in the 70's. Nearly triple digits. And that's not counting mild attacks.
Thinking of anyone being in so much pain that often is upsetting. Suddenly, the things he'd normally whine and complain about seem…..stupid. Immature. Irrelevant. If she can handle everything this illness has thrown at her for three years, he can handle a grueling dance class. Or an annoying roommate. Or a nerve wracking audition. Or…..anything, really.
When he'd first seen Rachel, he'd thought she was beautiful. A bit skinny and a little pale, but still beautiful. He enjoyed talking to her. Knowing something was wrong with her (just from seeing a service dog with her) was a bit disappointing, but he was mostly just curious about her. Then he heard her sing and was blown away. Sure, he may have gone overboard with his compliments, but he wasn't wrong. He didn't lie or exaggerate. She is going to be a star one day; he has no doubt. He also didn't lie to her when he told her he respects her more after learning of her illness. She has dealt with a lot of major, terrifying, horrible things because of Danton's aplastic anemia. And she's dealt with it for a long time. The fact that she's still fighting instead of hiding away from the world or being miserable, and that she's focused on working towards her dreams is incredible. It really is inspiring and he has nothing but respect for her. On top of it all, he has seen and heard enough to know that she's a great friend. She could easily make everything about herself, but she doesn't. Rachel makes sure that her friends are happy and doing well. She encourages them and helps them however she can. She's always talking about them and clearly loves them all. In the short time he has known her, Rachel has already offered to help Brody with various things; running lines for his acting class, running scales, and basically everything except dance, and that's probably only because it tires her. He took her up on singing scales because he will take any chance he can get to hear her sing or sing with her.
It may have started out with him wanting to get in her pants, but it quickly moved to him being impressed with her talent and her determination. He also respects Finn and their relationship, so he won't try to step in. He also wasn't lying about fully intending to swoop in the moment they're over. He won't try to break them up and he won't try to get her to cheat (he highly doubts she would, anyway—she's clearly head over heels in love with Finn). Despite that, Brody will be more than happy to step in if Finn does something stupid; he wants Rachel. More than that, he wants her to get what she wants; Broadway, Finn, health, all of it. He's happy to help her achieve her dreams and simply be her friend. If that friendship one day develops into something more, wonderful. He'd be thrilled. If not, then as long as she's happy then so is he.
He almost wishes the bruises would last longer. They're a physical reminder to be grateful for his health and to never give up on his dreams.
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Classes the next day went smoothly for Rachel. However, those who saw or heard about her attack the day before eyed her nervously. Being used to it, Rachel simply smiled at them and focused on the lessons and getting her work done. Brody had seemed relieved to see her, even going as far as to give her a hug. She'd hugged him back in thanks for his help, but was careful to keep it friendly and not hint at anything else. Finn is her one and only and she hopes Brody accepts that. Thankfully, no one mentioned anything about her attack or bothered her about it. Maybe Madame Tibideaux's words got around. Clearly, she has the support of the head of the school so no one should dare to argue about her presence here or give her a hard time.
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There's not much she can do at her treatments. Most of her homework is actually practicing dancing or singing. She can't do that at the clinic. Instead, she finds herself thinking. She's excited about Mike coming to visit. She'd been a little disturbed to discover that there'd been some major plumbing issue that caused his campus to flood. They were forced to close the school and send everyone away while they repair it. Because of that, Mike decided to come visit them in New York for a week. They're all thrilled. Since he's coming, Quinn decided it'd be a good time for her to come visit as well. She'll be coming on Friday after her last class and staying until Sunday. Rachel is excited to see them both again. Mike will bunk with Noah and Quinn will bunk with Brittany and Kurt.
Her thoughts drift to Finn. He's not enjoying his college classes; she's well aware. He's not adjusting to city life as fast as she'd been hoping he would. She worries about him. He only seems happy when they're all just hanging out at the house. When he has to leave for class or is doing his work, he seems unhappy. When she gets him to talk about classes she can tell he's frustrated. She's not sure whether to suggest he drop out and do something different or encourage him to keep going. She wants him to be happy. No. She needs him to be happy. She's getting to live her dream. Part of her dream is him being happy, too. If he's not happy here, that's something they have to seriously discuss. The others seem happy or at least fine with their chosen paths and living in the city. She doesn't want to lose Finn. She doesn't want him to go back to Ohio; it'd break her heart. But it'd also break her heart if he stayed here, miserable, just for her. She sighs, then winces. Her head is hurting and her stomach is rolling.
"You need meds?" Brittany asks. She and Noah are the ones with her today.
"Please."
She nods and goes to find a nurse. They give her meds for her headache, but suggest she take her good nausea medicine when she gets home. She agrees and naps until her treatment ends. They disconnect her and she stands on wobbly legs. Brittany encourages her to walk, but Rachel grips her friend and firmly plants her feet on the floor, refusing to move.
"Rach?"
"Gonna…throw up." She warns them.
Thankfully, she has gotten in the habit of pulling her hair back at the start of every treatment just in case this happens. Brittany wraps both arms around her in support. Noah grabs an emesis basin and holds it under her chin. It's not long before she's hurling, losing everything she'd eaten that day. By the time it ends, she's shaking and exhausted. They walk slowly out of the clinic to where the taxi is waiting for them. The cabbie grumbles irritably about extra charges while she vomits into a bag. Noah tells him to "shut the fuck up 'cause she can't help it". Even though she keeps all of the vomit in the bag, Noah tosses the driver an extra twenty to shut him up. Walking into the house is tough. The moment the door opens the smells of the cooking dinner hit her and she steps back, her mouth watering in warning. Noah slams the door shut while Brittany hands her a new bag. There's nothing left to come up, so she dry heaves for a minute. Kurt comes out and hands her a handkerchief that is soaked in warm water with a hint of lavender. He has her hold it over her mouth and nose. Then Noah carefully lifts her and quickly carries her up to her room. Kurt follows and opens the window to let in fresh air. Noah shuts the door on his way out. Kurt grabs her nausea meds and helps her take them. She falls asleep within moments.
Later, she wakes to the feel of someone stroking her cheek. Mom. Tears fill her eyes when she realizes that's not possible. Her mom is living several states away. She misses her. She misses her the most at times like this when she doesn't feel well and wants her mom to hold her. Whoever is comforting her gently swipes under her eyes, catching the tears. They press a kiss to her temple and she catches a whiff of cologne. It's Finn. That's comforting, just in a different way. Still feeling like shit, she decides to keep her eyes closed and let herself fall back to sleep.
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Finn sighs and stares down at his girl. She's still really pale. He hates that she vomited up everything she'd eaten today and now isn't up to eating dinner. She won't even wake up enough to sit up. He strokes her cheek and thinks about everything. He hates New York. But he loves Rachel. And there's no way in hell he's leaving the city while she's still here and still sick. No fucking way. There's a selfish part of him that wishes she'd agreed to stay in Ohio until she's in remission. Then her mom would be happy and they'd relax knowing her parents were taking care of her. And Finn could be in Ohio and probably working at Burt's shop. That honestly sounds awesome. But Rachel would have been miserable with that. And she deserves to get everything she wants. She deserves the world. He will do his best to give it to her.
Brow creased in worry, he gently wipes away her tears. He's not sure if she's dreaming or awake. He kisses her temple and she relaxes. Yero lifts his head to look at him when he stands. Finn signals for him to stay with Rachel. Knowing she's asleep and resting peacefully now, he heads downstairs with the others.
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Rachel frowns at her classmate. The poor girl is in hysterics, very nearly hyperventilating. Most people are staying away from Lydia. Mostly because class is over and most of them are heading home. But some are possibly trying to avoid incurring Cassie's wrath. The woman went in on Lydia once again, giving her a hard time. Not just about her weight, but about her dancing abilities. Knowing what it feels like, Rachel wants to help out. She walks up to the crying girl.
"Hey. Are you okay?"
Lydia glances at her and quickly wipes her face dry. She works on calming down. "I'm fine."
She's not. "I can help, if you'd like. I've been performing my piqué to Ms. July's satisfaction all week. I can help."
Lydia settles down and looks Rachel over, thinking hard. "Are…..are you sure?"
"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't."
"I…..I mean…are you feeling up to it? You're normally exhausted by the end of class. I can tell."
"True." She allows. "But I feel fine now. I'm tired, but I can help you for a few minutes before we leave. I'd hate for you to spend the whole weekend upset about this. Maybe if you get some practice in now you can relax and practice it correctly over the weekend." She suggests.
"I…." Lydia trails off.
Getting annoyed but not wanting to back off now, Rachel gives a little push. She smiles. "I don't bite. I promise."
"Yes she does. She bites."
Startled, Rachel spins around. Kurt has walked up behind her and is holding up his arm. He points to the tiny scar on his arm. Rachel glares at him.
"Will you ever let me live that down?!"
"Not so long as I can see the scar." He counters.
"Well apparently you already can't see it because that's not where it is." She points further over on his arm, to where the scar really is. The remaining students (and even Ms. July who is still there) are watching them in amusement. "And it was just one time!"
"Still. You bit me."
"We were 13!"
"And yet."
Loud enough for them to hear, someone asks. "Are they siblings?"
Brother and sister snap their heads in that direction and give a simultaneous "Yes!"
Immediately, they go right back to arguing. Rachel shakes her head. "It was an accident and you know it! I was playing around and didn't actually mean to bite your arm. You said I was forgiven!"
"Forgiven but not forgotten." Kurt states. "I still have the scar."
"The scar you couldn't see!" She complains while grabbing her water. "We are older now and I don't bite." She takes off the cap and starts drinking.
"That's good for me, but a shame for your boyfriend. I'm sure Finn wouldn't mind if—"
Rachel chokes on her water and starts coughing. Kurt stares at her wide-eyed while everyone else still present laughs. Rachel is pretty sure Ms. July turned away to hide a smile, but she could be wrong.
"That was a hickey I saw this morning!" Kurt bounces on his toes, grinning maliciously.
"Shut up! Stop talking about it!"
"No way! This is sibling gold! I can't wait to tell—"
"You will tell no one! Unless you want me to start sharing certain details of your last Skype session with your boyfriend." She threatens.
Kurt pales slightly and crosses his arms. "You don't have to be mean."
Rachel rolls her eyes and turns back to Lydia. "Sorry, he distracted me. This is my brother Kurt." Kurt gives a little wave. Lydia, still grinning, waves back. "Feel free to ignore him. I do as often as possible. So, do you want to practice a little?"
"Sure. Thanks, Rachel."
Rachel smiles back, pleased her offer was accepted. And pleased that their remaining classmates and instructor are finally leaving. It'll be more casual without an audience. For the next several minutes, Rachel gives Lydia pointers and models how it's done. Then she helps Lydia practice it over and over. While they work, Kurt amuses himself by tossing a ball across the room for Yero to chase. Yero skids to a halt and looks over to Rachel with a low "woof". Annoyed, Rachel stops dancing and sits on the floor. Lydia watches nervously.
"Uh, what's happening?"
"Possibly noth—" She's cut off by pinpricks piercing her chest.
Kurt casually wanders over. "Mild?" Rachel nods. Kurt sits beside her and attempts to reassure Lydia. "She's fine. It'll end in like a minute."
Sure enough, it does. Rachel breathes easily and pets Yero in thanks for the warning. "He can't always warn me of a mild. I wonder how he was able to warn me of this one. And the last one, actually. I had time to sit. Normally I don't."
Kurt frowns slightly, tilting his head in curiosity. "You're right. It's curious. You good to go?"
"Yup."
Kurt stands, then helps Rachel up. Rachel turns to Lydia, who still seems uncertain. "Want to run it one more time? Then we'll call it a day?"
"Um…." Rachel tries not to be annoyed by the girl looking to Kurt for approval. "….sure."
They run it again. Lydia smiles in relief, knowing she finally has it down pat.
"You've got it." Rachel promises. "Just practice it over the weekend and you'll be fine next week."
"Thanks, Rachel."
"No problem."
They grab their stuff and leave. Outside, Kurt bumps into Rachel's shoulder lightly. "Aaaww, you've got a new friend! I'm so proud!"
Rachel rolls her eyes. "Shut up."
"Bite me."
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A/N: I know I said it at the start of chapter 1, but just as a reminder, I am using more quotes from the show than I have before. Especially with Cassie. Obviously. I did tweak some of them, but they're still not "mine". I've had Shelby finding the handprint moment planned since the handprint war in book 2! I was so excited to finally get to include it! This website still seems to be down, so it's still telling me no one is reading this which obviously isn't true. Thank you so much to those who leave reviews!