Chapter 38

In the end it was Elizabeth who went out to speak to him. She had come into the kitchen to get water for Little Jack and caught sight of him through the window, tears just visible on his cheeks as he stood there, head down, his hands behind his back, unmoving.

Mary had come back in from telling him Rachael's decision but when questioned by Bill had simply said that it was up to Lucas to tell them, before heading through in search of her girls, saying that perhaps it was time for them to head home. But Nathan noticed the backwards glance she gave towards the outside door, her expression soft as though she was showing sympathy for the man beyond it and he thought the worst.

"One of us needs to go to him", he quickly said, pushing his chair backwards but before he could stand Elizabeth was there, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"I'll go, I owe him that."

There was an added sense of stillness as she stepped out onto the porch. Snow lay in heavy drifts at some points but elsewhere it was already disappearing. A deep thinking person would find something symbolic in that, she thought, as though the banks of snow represented the solidity of love that had been found by many here whilst the melted areas were like Lucas watching his dream fade away.

He didn't look up but clearly knew she was there. "I'm fine, Elizabeth, honestly. You don't have to worry."

"But I care about you Lucas, we all do. I don't like to see you in hurting in this way."

"I'm not hurting, Elizabeth. But I need to go. So I'm going to drive in to the hotel now and then leave early in the morning. I'm not sure when I will be back in Hope Valley but I will let Gustav know."

So he was just going to run away like he did all the time, she thought. She could feel herself getting angry with him for not realising that he didn't need to do that. "You have friends there who will miss you Lucas. Why don't you come back with us?"

"I will come back Elizabeth, it just may not be for a while."

She stood without speaking beside him for a while, trying to think of some way she could offer comfort. "I know it will hurt you now but when you have to let go of someone you love there will always be a small part of you that wonders, Why didn't you fight for it? You had your reasons for not fighting when you learned the truth five years ago, Lucas, but that doesn't mean that you can't now."

Instead of responding with a look of anger or defeat he gave her a smile, appreciating the sentiment of what she was saying.

"Elizabeth, tomorrow morning I intend to drive to Benson Hills and from there I plan on taking the train to Vancouver. To Rachael. She has agreed to see me, to talk, to find out where we go from here."

Suddenly Elizabeth flung herself at him, not caring whether it was appropriate or not, wrapping him in the warmest of hugs. "Oh Lucas, that is wonderful. When you didn't come in we all thought she had said no."

"I needed time to take it in", he said quietly, "to believe that it was actually happening. I need to apologise to you. And thank you. All of you. I know what you have been through and seeing how you and Nathan are together now gave me the strength to choose the honest path forward. If Rachael and I are to be together then there will be no subterfuge, no games. I know I can be that man with her."

Elizabeth couldn't keep the happiness off her face, wondering now if their brief dalliance had been for a reason. To bring them both here today. "Can I ask one thing of you? Don't leave right now. Stay and enjoy the rest of Christmas Day with your friends. Let us share in your joy."

He hesitated, a big part of him wanting to rush away and take it all in, but then he looked through the window into the kitchen where he could see Nathan, Bill and Gabe sitting at the table, just being there for him, and then through into the sitting room were all the people who had allowed him to make amends for his earlier behaviour, let him into their world without judgement. He knew that tonight he should be with them.

The men had watched the exchange from the kitchen slowly working out from Elizabeth's actions exactly what had happened. After a minute Bill stood up, declaring that he was no longer needed here and that perhaps he should start getting used to spending time with the children a bit more.

"I'm glad they are getting that second chance together", Gabe said. "And for Lucas too". He didn't know the man as well as the others did but from his conversation over the incident with Elizabeth and through all the good things he had done for the children he had come to realise that given the opportunity and the right people around him Lucas had the makings of a good man.

"Me too. I guess deep down I often wished that he would just disappear from Hope Valley and not get between Elizabeth and me but in a perverse way I think his presence and pursuit of her forced her to see how it would be living life without real love. But dreams are fine until you have to face the reality of how it will be."

Gabe sensed uncertainty in Nathan's voice and quickly cut in, "Come on, out with it. I can hear some doubt in your words, as though you aren't quite so sure of what you are doing anymore. Has something happened? Is Elizabeth not ready to commit?"

"Not Elizabeth, but me."

Gabe was surprised, having watched Nathan go through so much agony because of his love for this woman he couldn't understand why he was questioning anything now. "Do you care to elaborate?"

"Do you ever think about what will happen to Lillian if you should die? How she would cope?"

Suddenly Gabe understood what was going through Nathan's mind. "You're worried about Elizabeth, how she would deal with something happening to you, after she has already lost one Mountie husband. Nathan I understand why you are thinking that way but you must know that there are never any guarantees in life. Elizabeth could marry a bookkeeper and something could happen to him."

A brief smile came onto Nathan's face as he tried to imagine Elizabeth with a man who added up figures all day long, before muttering, "He would probably die of boredom".

"See", Gabe said, "in one sentence you have admitted that it can happen to anyone!"

Nathan grew serious again, "We can joke about it all we like Gabe but the truth is that being a Mountie can be a dangerous job and it carries a higher risk of being killed than many others. Elizabeth has suffered the heartache of losing her husband, is it fair of me to possibly put her through that pain again? Or the constant fear of it happening to me?"

Gabe let Nathan speak on, knowing that he needed to get what was troubling him out so that the woman now standing in the doorway could hear it.

"I guess I love her so much that to think that I could be the cause of great pain to her once again is unbearable for me. She has come such a long way since losing Jack but it hasn't been easy for her. I know how much she has struggled and what she has gone through to get to where she is now. How could I possibly ask her to live with the fear of something like that happening again?"

The voice that answered was softer and lighter than Gabe's and Nathan swivelled around suddenly to see Elizabeth standing behind him.

"Because she loves you with all her heart and every moment we get to spend together is a moment to be treasured. We don't know what will happen to any of us in life Nathan. But what I am sure of is that not being with you would be worse than any fear of losing you. Not being able to love you would be like a living death for me."

She could see he was not convinced, still questioning that she would be better finding someone else who didn't face such dangers as he did. "You can say that now but how will you feel when I get the call to go off after some criminals. When I am away for maybe weeks without any word. What will it be like for you to sit at home waiting for me to return, wondering if I will return?"

"Well, for starters with two children now and hopefully more in the future, just sitting waiting will not be very likely." Her voice had been almost jovial in an attempt to bring him out of these gloomy thoughts that seemed to have engulfed him suddenly. But then she moved closer, coming to stand directly in front of him and looked down deep into his eyes.

"Nathan Grant, every second of being with you would be the greatest thing I can imagine. I want to be married to you, in every possible way. To go to bed at night and make love with the passion we both know will only become greater the longer we are together, to give all of myself to you. Then I want to wake up in the mornings and enjoy everyday life with our family, the exciting and the boring, because there isn't a moment in the day when you won't be in my thoughts and my heart."

She paused to take a deep breath, knowing that what she was about to say was the hardest bit of all. "And if that were to last just a few weeks, as it did with Jack, or fifty years as I hope, I would still treat every single minute as though it was the most wonderful gift I have ever received. I love you Nathan, I love Allie. There is nothing I need to be fearful of because I will have you."

Nathan sat still, his eyes locked on hers, drinking in the feeling of the moment yet still he seemed uncertain. Suddenly Elizabeth moved, looking around the kitchen as though searching for something. When her eyes settled on the dresser she walked across, opening the farthest drawer and reaching in. She had her back to him but was clearly doing something with her hands.

Finally she turned and came back to stand in front of him. "I love you Nathan Grant and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. You are my lifetime and together with Allie and Little Jack there is no-one else I want or need. Ever."

She could sense a softening in him, an acceptance that no matter what he said there was no way he was going to scare her away. "I am ready Nathan. You are what is in my heart and that means all of you, for however long we may have."

His eyes said everything she needed to know so without hesitation she knelt down on one knee and took one of his hands in hers. In her other hand she had a piece of kitchen string tied into a circle which she held out as though it was the most precious jewel in the world. "Nathan Grant, I love you with all of my heart. Will you make me the happiest woman in the world and marry me?"

Finally he smiled and in one movement he stood, lifting her up into his arms until her face was in front of him. His lips found hers, coming together in the fulfilment of the promise they had left the other night, all the pent up passion and emotion pouring out of both of them as Nathan left her in no doubt what his answer was.