Reminder: I'm not a medical expert, but I tried to keep it accurate.
The big day arrived faster than they thought it would.
"Ready to go?" She asks.
"Yeah, but you're not."
"I am not?"
"We've been forgetting one important detail in our little act."
"Oh? What is that?"
"This," he says, holding out the box containing his grandmother's ring.
"When did you get this?" She asks, thinking he picked up a fake ring at a store.
"Before we left to come here. Pap gave it to me. It's Gram's."
He takes her hand and slides the ring on and says,
"Perfect fit."
"It is beautiful…but are you sure? I do not want to risk losing it just to make our fake engagement more convincing."
"It seems to be on there pretty securely," he replies giving it a gentle tug.
"But if your grandfather gave this to you…does he know what we are up to?"
"No. He thinks we are away on a romantic getaway…and that I should propose to you."
"Oh…so is he expecting me to be wearing this when we come back?"
"Nah, I told him there was nothing going on."
"I will be very careful not to lose it," she promises.
"Keep it."
"Wheeler, I…"
"Not trying to make it real…wear it on your right hand when we're not pretending for the doctor. That way it's not an engagement ring, it's a gift."
"I love it…but this is something that belongs in your family. I cannot keep this."
"Well in a few hours, you're hopefully gonna be housing a kid…my kid. That makes you family…and even if we don't get the results we're hoping for, you're my best friend so that STILL makes you family."
Linka's eyes well up with tears and she has to blink them back, not used to hearing such sentimental talk from her Yankee.
"Spasiba."
"You're welcome. Ready to go?"
"Da, we better. No telling what traffic will be like in the city."
A nurse takes them back to the exam room where the procedure will take place. She leaves Linka with a gown to change into but there was no privacy in the room for her.
"Umm…"
"Oh! Uh, I'll just uh, step outside for a bit while you…"
"Thank you."
While Wheeler is waiting outside, Dr. Slater approaches and looks confused.
"Get kicked out?"
"Nah, she was just changing so I stepped out."
"Oh…umm. ok," the doctor says before chuckling.
"What?"
"Nothing, sorry. I just…it's kind of funny, that's all. You're about to be married and…well, that's pretty modest."
Wheeler realizes he almost just blew their cover story.
"Uh, yeah…about that…we umm…we haven't…we wanted to wait until after we were married."
"Oh! I'm sorry…not many people do that these days, and I just assumed…"
"It's cool. No problem. I guess we're kinda doing this wrong. Did the 'good thing' by waiting and she's still gonna end up pregnant before we're married."
"Hopefully. I want to remind you that there's no guarantee it will take after the eggs are implanted. I hate to be a downer but…"
"Yeah, I know," Wheeler interrupts. "I was just…pointing out the irony."
"I see it. And I hope that I didn't make you two feel rushed into doing this before the wedding. I just don't like to put things off too long when the situation is so delicate. And your fiancé has one of the most delicate cases I've ever seen."
"No, there was no pressure. She wouldn't have wanted to wait. She wanted this to happen as soon as possible. But can I ask you a question before we go in there, Doc?"
"Sure."
"When you're doing the procedure, what should I do? To make Linka feel more comfortable, I mean."
"Well, most husbands hold their wife's hand. I've also seen a lot kiss their wives while the egg is being implanted…kind of like they would if they were…umm, how can I put this…making a baby the natural way."
"Oh…umm, I don't think Linka would like that. She's very private and she'd be mortified if I kissed her in front of people." Or alone, he thinks to himself. "It would probably make her tense up and damage whatever equipment you've got up there."
Dr. Slater can't hold back his shocked laugh.
"Well just do what feels natural for the two of you…talking to her, holding her, not saying anything at all and just maintaining eye contact, communicating silently like everyone does with the love of their life…there's no right or wrong thing to do."
Little did the doctor know that Wheeler felt that there was no right way to do anything when it came to Linka. It seemed like everything he did was wrong.
The doctor knocks on the door and waits until he receives permission to enter.
"Good morning Ms. Kovaleva. How are you?"
"Nervous."
Wheeler moves to stand next to her and puts his arm around her waist for comfort.
"Nervous is normal. Hopefully once we get this procedure over with, some of those nerves will be alleviated," the doctor says.
"Doubtful…not until I know if it worked."
"Understandable. Do you have any questions before we begin?"
"Will it hurt?"
"Well, I've never had it done before so I can't tell you my opinion," he jokes. "But from what I've been told and observed from other patients, they never seemed to experience any major discomfort. Occasionally some will report a mild cramping feeling afterwards."
"What about afterwards? Should we do anything special? Or NOT do anything?" Wheeler asks.
"Glad you brought that up. Normally we would like to keep patients for an hour or so after the procedure, but they are usually cleared to resume normal activities the next day. Since you are so high risk and these embryos are your only chance at this being successful, I would like to have you admitted for 24 hours so we can be sure that you are staying in bed and taking it easy."
"I can do that at the cabin. That is what I was planning on doing anyway," she protests. "Jason will see to it that I am being taken care of and not over doing it."
"I know he will, and I know you intended to relax, but at least here, the temptation to do anything too strenuous is eliminated."
"Yo Doc, I told ya, we were waiting until we were married. We'll behave!"
"WHEELER!"
"That's not what I meant," the doctor says with a chuckle. "I just meant she may not want to trouble you for a glass of water, so she gets out of bed and gets it herself. Ideally, the only time I would want her mobile is to use the restroom."
"I promise, I will stay in bed. I will be miserable here by myself tonight."
"You won't be by yourself, Babe. I'm not leaving you."
"We'll get you a private room so you can relax…it's only for a day and I promise we won't make you eat hospital food. Your fiancé can bring you some real food."
"It's cool Babe, there's a really good deli right across the street. I'll get you a sandwich or salad, whatever you're feeling like, and we'll just hang out here until tomorrow. We'll have a whole 10 channels to choose from on the hospital TV, which is 10 more than we have at Uncle Bill's cabin."
"I guess I do not have much choice. Staying here will not be so bad as long as you are here with me."
"Me AND a meatball hoagie from Geno's Deli," Wheeler corrects.
"Oh please doctor, can I stay two nights instead?" Linka asks sarcastically.
"Well now you're just taking advantage," he replies with a wink. "I'm going to go to the lab and gather the equipment and embryos. Sit tight for a few minutes and I'll be right back. Oh, and for the record, the meatball hoagies from Geno's are amazing. And you HAVE to get a cannoli for dessert."
Once they are alone a nervous anticipation fills the air. They smile awkwardly at each other and fidget with anything they can get their hands on. Linka twists the bedsheet that is covering her in her hands, while Wheeler opens and closes all the drawers, not really looking for anything, just working up the courage to bring up what he's about to bring up.
He takes the seat next to her and starts.
"Hey Babe, remember back when we all went to an amusement park for my birthday?"
"Da."
"And we went on the Tunnel of Love ride?"
"And you fell asleep instead of doing what you normally would have been doing?"
He could kick himself for that missed opportunity. He takes her hand in both of his.
"Yeah, don't remind me...anyway, you noticed I was acting strange and then I'm sure things got even more strange when I just randomly stated that if we ever have kids, I only want two."
"That was a rather...odd thing to bring up at that time."
"I know. And I'm sorry. If I'd have known that you couldn't..."
She squeezes his hand and cuts him off.
"You did not know. It is ok."
"Yeah but...see, the thing is, after that, I thought maybe things would get better between us. I mean, you actually agreed to go on the Tunnel of Love ride with me! That was pretty huge, and I blew it by dozing off. You seemed disappointed that I hadn't tried to kiss you but for the rest of the day and the days that followed, instead of the flirting continuing, you shut me out. Now I know why that was and I'm sorry that what I said upset you."
"You do not need to apologize, Lyubov." She reaches for him, and he rises from the chair next to her exam table to lean into her embrace. She laces her fingers through his hair and rests her lips against his ear as she confesses. "I wanted to tell you then that I could not give you one child, let alone two…but I did not want to dampen the mood on your birthday."
"I wish you would have. You wouldn't have had to struggle with that secret alone," he whispers against her neck.
"Da, but it would have made you feel bad for saying what you said, and I know your intentions were good. Plus, despite my behavior towards most of your attempts at flirting, I did enjoy it. I did not want it to stop, even though I knew I would never allow it to go further...and then hearing you mention kids...knowing you were thinking about us having them together, that is when it hit me that eventually, I would have to tell you. The thought of you no longer wanting me was terrifying."
"That wouldn't have happened. I wanted to be with you so badly, the only thing that would've stopped me is if you told me you're a dude!"
She giggles and kisses his cheek, removing her fingers from his hair and sliding her hand around to rest on his cheek.
"In a few minutes, the doctor will be able to confirm for you that I am not!"
"Yeah, but you know me Babe, I'm an 'I'll believe it when I see it for myself' kinda guy," he teases and gives her a wink.
"Wheeler!" She gasps as she slaps his arm. She can feel her face flushing red.
He chuckles and sits back down.
"Anyway, back to WHY I said what I did about the kids...It was because I had a dream. It felt so real. One minute we were on the boat from the ride, and then the next, you're walking down the aisle towards me wearing a wedding dress. And then the next thing I know, it's yeeeeears in the future, we're old and haggard lookin' and have a bunch of kids with another on the way."
She laughs.
"No wonder you were so shaken up. Sounds like quite the nightmare!"
"It was at the time. Now though…I wish it was true."
She knows he didn't mean to, but his words were like a dagger in her heart.
No matter how much he says it does not matter, it does. He wants a family. If I cannot give him that, I will have to let him go. He deserves more than what I can give him.
There is a knock on the door, merely a formality since the doctor did not wait for a response before entering and asking,
"We ready to do this?"
Linka nods nervously.
"Ok, go ahead and put your feet in the stirrups when you're ready and we can get started," Dr. Slater says.
Wheeler pulls his chair closer to the exam table and turns his back to what's about to be taking place so he can focus on Linka's face and try to respect the fact that she's always been a private person.
"So this is it. The moment we've been waiting for. You ready?" He asks, squeezing her hand in his.
"Da," she replies, squeezing his hand back.
The doctor recalls their attention to him.
"This is the camera at the end of the catheter that I'll be using to insert the embryos into the uterus. It lets me see when I've gotten there. In your case, I want to make sure that I get them into the most optimal location. Not getting it right could cause your body to believe that there is a foreign object, and the natural reaction would be to attack and reject…and miscarry. This is painless, I'm told. Although some women may experience a cramping sensation."
"Can we just do it?" Linka snaps, causing Wheeler to reach out and brush her bangs back, getting her attention and making eye contact with him. "I am sorry doctor. I am just ready to get it over with and then wait for the results."
"I know. Trust me. Hormones, nerves…that was rather tame compared to some reactions I've gotten…but enough of that. Sit back, relax, and let's get you pregnant."
"Wow, that's some smooth foreplay talk you've got there, Doc!"
"Shut up, Yankee!" Linka says as she grabs him by the collar and directs his attention to her, giving him a smile.
Her tone is playful and as he looks down upon her, a tremendous sense of…he's not sure what this feeling is. He just knows he's never felt it for anyone before. Love? Admiration? Devotion? All of those and more. This isn't the way he'd imagined he'd be starting a family. Right woman, wrong method. Maybe it wasn't exactly the way he'd always imagined, but he could at least make it as close as possible.
He stands from his chair and leans over her, touching his forehead to hers.
"You're beautiful when you're bossy," he whispers. "And when you're not bossy…and on days that end in 'y.'"
She blushes and he brings the hand that's not holding hers to rest on her cheek as he continues to whisper sweet words to her.
"They say that there's something about being pregnant that makes a woman even more beautiful…I don't even think it's possible for you to get any more beautiful, but if that's true, I'm in trouble…big trouble."
She closes her eyes and her breath hitches. He can tell without looking that the doctor has started the procedure. Without breaking contact with her, he glances at the monitor and sees the embryos being implanted. This is it. The moment she may become pregnant with his child…or children. No, this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen, but it's happening, and he can make it as close to real as he'd pictured it.
"I love you."
Her eyes fly open, and her jaw drops slightly, just enough that when his lips suddenly converge on hers, she can taste him. The initial shock passes quickly and she's instantly relaxed. Kissing Wheeler feels natural and given the current circumstances where nothing about this attempt at conception is natural, she'll take any little bit of normalcy that she can get. He loves her. She knew it. She loves him too.
"I love you too," she replies against his lips.
Her words cause him to stop, and he pulls back, not expecting her to return his feelings, let alone say it back to him.
She misreads his hesitation, and the brief moment of pause is just enough for her overactive brain to interpret the moment.
Bozhe moy! He is only playing the part of a dutiful husband. He thinks I meant it…I did, but if he is just playing the part, he cannot know I was not. I must keep up our act.
"I cannot wait to be your wife."
Her words bring him back to reality.
Right. Fake husband and wife. She thought I was acting, so she played along. I'm so stupid to think that she'd say it back, especially in front of someone.
"Alright. They're in place," Dr. Slater says, drawing their attention to the monitor. "I want to see you again in six to ten days to check to see if the procedure took. Some side effects could be mild cramping, mild bloating, tenderness of the breasts or you may notice you're passing a small amount of fluid which may be clear, or blood tinged. Don't be alarmed. However, if you notice heavy bleeding, pelvic pain, blood in your urine, or a fever over 100, call me immediately."
"I will. Thank you doctor."
"I'd like you to stay here for an hour before moving. I'll come back and let you know when you can get dressed and by then, I'll have a room ready for you. The orderly will come with a wheelchair to get you to your room."
"I cannot even walk to my room?" She asks.
"I'm being overly cautious here, Ms. Kovaleva. I can't risk you tripping and falling. Humor me."
"Fine," she says shaking her head. "I thought Wheeler would be the one to be overprotective, but you may have him beat!"
Wheeler smiles weakly, wishing they could go back to the moment where they were kissing and wishing he'd not said anything and just enjoyed it while he could.
"See you folks in an hour."
Wheeler stands and moves to look out the window.
"What are you thinking?" Linka asks.
"Just wondering what I'm supposed to do next. Where I stand."
"Right now, by the window," she attempts to deflect his question with a bad joke.
He turns to look at her with a quirked eyebrow.
"You've been hanging around me too long. That was pretty bad."
She could tell by the look on his face that he was disappointed in her lack of answer and after all he's done for her, she owed him at least that.
"I suppose I have picked up a few of your bad habits, but to answer your question…I am grateful for all you have done for me. I do not want things to change between us. If things get weird and our relationship is ruined, I will regret this whole process and wish I'd just chosen a random donor…but knowing you as well as I do, if this works, I will not feel like I am raising a stranger's child. I will be able to see my best friend in the mannerisms and behavior of my child…our child. Well, maybe I do not hope to see so much of the behavior part," she teases.
"Ok…thanks for clearing that up," he says with a sigh as he turns back around to look out the window. He can't believe that after all of this, she just wants them to stay friends. How can she say that she doesn't want things to change between them when they already have? So much. He thought this was the first step in advancing their relationship to something more. A couple. A family. He wants to tell her that, but he doesn't want to stress her out. Not so soon after the procedure. Her condition is so delicate, he may not be able to say anything to upset her for a while. He'll have to keep his feelings and thoughts on the subject bottled up for nine months. "I'm getting hungry. I'm gonna head across the street to Geno's. You know what you want?"
"Nyet. Just pick up something for me. You know what I'll like."
"How about you check out their menu on your phone and text me what you want because I have no idea what you want, and I'll just end up getting it wrong if I try to figure it out."
"Oh. Ok."
"And if they move you before I get back, just text me the room number."
"I will."
As the door closes behind him, she wonders why his mood seemed to change after her answer. She thought he'd be happy to hear that she wanted things to continue between them. She certainly did not want to go backwards. She thought they were in a good place. That they could continue to build from here; especially now that they are on the verge of, hopefully, being parents. Maybe it is THAT realization that has changed his mood? Maybe he is having second thoughts? If that's the case, she's not sure how to handle that. If he wants to go back, has the damage already been done? Has she made a mistake by letting him start to break down her walls?
To Be Continued…