Chapter 7

Harm was soaking wet when he turned the corner and began his mile long cool down on the way to his flat. He Decided on an early run to clear his mind only to be caught in one of London's sudden rainstorms.

He barely slept. Each push and fall of his feet on pavement was a little more exhausting than usual. A different route was decided, all in effort to keep his mind off the very reason his sleep was so restless.

"I remember that it took seventeen calls for me to say that I was in love with you."

Mac's voice echoed in his thoughts. She tossed that grenade in his direction and then promptly headed off to bed without another word between them. He underestimated her and their endless holding pattern because as much as he wanted her, Harm never knew how to claim her.

"I was in love with you."

Those words made him feel everything that he'd kept bottled up for over a decade. Most of all it was the regret which made his heart hurt. Harm knew he'd taken too long, waited too long and he still didn't know what he was waiting for.

Time and time again Mac had practically fallen into his arms but the timing was always off until there was no more time left. It ran out and sent them to opposite ends of the Earth without any form of contact.

"I was in love with you."

Why the hell hadn't he called or emailed or even sent that silly postcard sooner? Why did he wait when he was miserable without her? "Damnit."

He picked up the pace again, deciding to add a few more miles and run until he could no more. Her voice was still haunting his thoughts, making him feel so many things. Within his regrets there was also a bubbling happiness that soothed his troubled thoughts. She was in love with him once and from experience, Harm knew that falling out of love was damned near impossible.

Mac still loved him, he sensed it in his gut and with giddy enthusiasm he finished up one last mile, practically sprinting down his block until his building came into view.

His hand shook as he impatiently tried to open the door to be welcomed by the scent of freshly toasted bread. Mac was awake, wearing most of her uniform and dicing tomatoes for an omelet.

Her sleeves were rolled up, her blouse remained untucked and she was barefoot as she moved about his kitchen. It warmed his heart to see the casual domesticity and a spark of hope flickered to life. Last night's conversation had hurt a little but he was determined to win her over this time.

"You gonna stand there or you gonna drip all over the entry rug?" She said suddenly. Mac could feel his eyes on her which was a scary delight. "Good morning by the way."

"Yeah, it is." He was still watching her with his flyboy grin plastered on his face. "If you give me ten minutes to shower and change, I'll make the coffee."

"Deal."

Harm hurried into the kitchen, fishing out one of the three containers of coffee beans from the pantry. Of late he'd become more of a coffee connoisseur, buying fresh beans from a local roaster. She'd appreciate the special brew which was ridiculously expensive and cultivated to be used with a French press. "How'd you sleep?"

"Not well." Mac admitted on a sigh. "First few nights in a new place, you know." She was chopping mushrooms and spinach, a combination that was often his favorite.

"I know. Was kinda hoping the jet jag would have knocked you out."

It was a common theme when they were sent TAD together. He'd wake up fresh and bushy tailed and Mac was a little grumpy and tired. He supposed it was a product of carrier life that had let him fall asleep practically anywhere while she was likely comfortable in a fox hole.

She poured the scrambled eggs into a pan and slowly swirled them around. "I thought it might. I was exhausted when I headed off to bed." But it hadn't been the change in sleeping quarters that made her restless. "The conversation was kinda heavy last night, wasn't it?"

"A bit."

Her brow rose as Mac turned and stared at him quizzically. "Just a bit? You know, I've wanted to hear you say that you have feelings for me. I've needed you to admit it and then I go and hit the brakes again."

"Mac-"

"I'm not pushing you away."

"Aren't you?" When the kettle began to whistle, he removed it from the stove and poured it into the beaker-like coffee maker. With a wooden spoon, Harm stirred the grounds and then placed the plunger on top to seal the glass and let the brew steep.

"I guess I am." She ran a spatula around the edges of the pan, making sure their breakfast wouldn't stick or burn. "It's not a permanent thing."

"Just until you figure out how much trouble I'm in?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Okay. I can understand that…But, I need to know something. Honestly, I need to know that I'm not losing my mind…What you said last night…that seventeenth message? Do you still feel the same?"

Mac closed her eyes and swallowed hard to push down the lump at her throat. She could still hear herself speaking to his answering machine, almost pleading for him to call her back. Her admission of love spilled from her lips at her most desperate time and he was too angry to care.

She wouldn't tell him that his inaction drove her into Webb's arms. Of all the mistakes in her life, that was the biggest one and Mac would regret it for the rest of her life.

The fact of the matter was that she still felt the same. She still loved him so hard that it hurt and it was time to admit it. "Yeah. I do. I do love you. I don't remember a time when I wasn't in love with you…but-"

Time stopped for him then and maybe his heart did a little as well. As he stood facing her Harm could see a single tear slide down her cheek that he caught with the pad of his thumb. "Mac-"

His large hand cupped her face, a gentle touch that took the breath out of her lungs. When her eyes met his Harm knew he wanted to kiss her just as badly as Mac wanted to be kissed. It may have happened. It should have happened but their Hallmark moment was shattered when her mobile began to shrill loudly from its spot on the kitchen island.

Minutes later she was rushing out the door with a half eaten slice of toast and the coffee he'd placed in a travel mug for her. She muttered a hasty 'goodbye' and promised they'd speak more later.

Thoughts of taking Mac out to dinner in effort to be on neutral ground was abandoned. He wanted an intimate setting and figured she needed to decompress after the meeting with Hollings and a full day of work. Touring the city could wait a day or two.

It was an odd feeling to be so ambivalent about his future. His reinstatement would not be quick to come and if the Navy saw it fight to discharge him, he would take his licks and find opportunities in the private sector.

The slap on the wrist may have bothered a younger Harm but this older version was happy to have this extended personal time. It would give him a chance to dig into Vukovic's past. His gut told him he'd regularly abused women and his first call would be to Lt. Tally Mayfield who was, hopefully, still stationed in Naples where she transferred.

Harm recalled Mac mentioning the two were engaged once, a thought that made him cringe. Mayfield was a young and talented lawyer with one hell of a future ahead of her. A marriage to Vic-puke would have certainly derailed her advancement as he highly doubted that Vukovic would have allowed her career to blossom over his.

The bleeding heart story of how he was left at the altar with his heart broken in pieces was constantly shared in the office. An embellished tale of love and loss that had the females under his command eager to mend the poor Lt. Commander's heart. While it mindly irked Harm then, after Vic's comments towards Mac, he was simply pissed off.

It would take some cajoling and maybe a little begging but he was determined to have the Marine bring Vic's personnel file. He'd question the women under his command as well and follow the trail until it landed him a plausible scenario that would kick Vukovic as far away from the Navy as possible.

Being vindictive wasn't a shade Harm liked to wear because it made him think or do things that were unlike him. This time, he welcomed the challenge. A quick search on his work computer put him in touch with NSA Naples and the legal department.

A perky yeoman named Petty Officer Guedus greeted him and Harm could imagine the young woman plastering a genuinely happy smile for everyone she encountered. It was the folly of youth and after rolling his eyes, Harm formerly announced himself. "Hello Petty Officer, I'm Captain Harmon Rabb from legal services London. I believe there's a Lt. Mayfield on the staff and I need to speak with her."

He nearly chuckled when he heard the yeoman's tone change. Harm imagined the young woman straightening to a seated form of attention. That aspect of his rank was both a blessing and a curse. "Captain, sir. Ummm, Lt. Mayfield is presently out of the office. May I take a message?"

"Do you know when she'll return? It's a little urgent."

He could hear pages being flipped in what Harm imagined was some sort of appointment book. "Sir, the Lieutenant is blocked out until next week. Vacation. She does check messages."

"How about her personal number?" Harm knew it was his last ditch effort and a request that no good yeoman would ever divulge. "It really is urgent if not I wouldn't ask. I'm a little desperate."

There was hesitation, of course, as Petty Officer Guedus waited for an order to be issued. Harm wouldn't cross that line and he was proud of the young woman denying him such personal information. "I'm sorry, sir, I can not give you that information. As I said, the Lieutenant does check in. I can take a message."

"That's fine, Petty Officer, thank you."

She took his number and promised to pass it along but Harm went a step further searching for her information in the JAG database. There was an email that he used to send a message. For now, it was his first dead end until he could convince Mac to bring home Vic's personnel file.

He'd call every post the jerk had ever been stationed at. He'd find someone to talk to even if it meant spending personal time and money. Harm wouldn't stop until the man paid for his crimes. Funny that it was Vic's comments about Mac that began this crusade.

He considered contacting Lt. Catherine Graves who was still stationed at Falls Church but decided it was best to leave that for another time. It rang too close to home and would place Cresswell in hot water if anyone knew of Harm's unofficial investigation.

The lack of evidence would deem him a loose cannon on a witch hunt and Harm wouldn't drag anyone down with him least of all, the JAG himself.

"I'm surprised you weren't too tired to go out." Harm said as they walked side by side along the Thames. The London Eye glowed purple inviting patrons to take in the views from dizzying heights and he smiled when Mac stopped to watch the lights.

She was out of uniform, dressed in black jeans and a light blue blouse that hugged all the right places covered by her leather jacket. Mac smelled good and Harm added another category to the list of things he missed about her. "I am…sorta. But I've been cooped up in an office all day. I needed this."

"You have time to see the sights."

She walked to a railing and leaned against it as her eyes focused on the glorified ferris wheel and the gondolas being pushed skyward. "Probably but I'm enjoying this, aren't you?"

Harm shrugged. He would have much enjoyed continuing their conversation from breakfast. "It is a nice night."

"Right now I don't miss California. I like this."

"You like what? The city or the company?" He moved next to her, leaning against the same railing. His eyes took her in, the carefree appearance that disappeared when Mac put on her uniform. She was content, smiling and staring at the Eye as if it were one of the World's greatest marvels. Damn if she didn't look absolutely adorable.

"It's both. The company has been a real delight. I was worried."

"I was too. But this feels normal, like old times and I like that. I missed that."

"I did too." Mac glanced up to find him staring with a familiar expression. His eyes had dropped down to her lips and she pushed off the railing to keep a little space between them. "You got dinner, I got dessert."

"Yeah, sure but I need to ask you something." He'd been stalling on purpose because it wasn't the most professional move to ask a coworker to steal certain information.

"Nothing heavy. I'm still unwinding from today."

"It's not so much heavy as it is inappropriate." He watched as Mac took a few steps away, enough to allow an admiration of her six and how well the jeans firmly cupped each cheek. Quite literally, Harm would love to kiss her ass followed by her low back and-

"Harm!"

Damn. Two years apart and he was reverted to a horny teenager. "Sorry, spacing out. This whole not being at work thing has given me some time to think."

"About?"

Harm pushed off the railing and made his way towards her, speaking in hushed tones as if he were divulging military secrets. "I'm barred access to my office, right?" Off her nod, he sighed in dramatic fashion. "I need Vukovic's personnel file. Not the crap I can still pull up from our database but the real thing we keep in admin."

Mac's mouth fell open. "Are…are you insane? If you're caught with that. Hell, if I'm caught giving it to you- and what the hell are you doing logging into your work computer?"

"Do you trust me?"

She hesitated, "I'd normally say yes but you're kind of scaring me at the moment."

"I have time, at least a few weeks until this whole thing wraps up to dig into his past. I want to know every place he served, where he lived, who he interacted with. I have a gut feeling, a damned strong one that Vic's done something wrong."

"Against women you mean?" She had that feeling too that began when Vic's silly little flirting became too aggressive. Mac frowned, ashamed that she could ever allow herself to be cajoled by his interests. It was a low point in her life when the man she really wanted - had always wanted - didn't seem attainable. "He always had this…thing for me. From day one. I know how I look. Not to sound arrogant but, I know men find me attractive."

"Well yeah, you're something of a knockout." Harm grinned and immediately wiped it away when Mac's face fell. "I-I'm sorry if I said something wrong."

"He threatened me once." She raised a hand to stop Harm's emotions from seeing red. Vic's transfer had been delayed due to rough weather and flight cancellations and Mac was concerned Harm would finish what he started. "Vukovic dug into my past. He knew about John, Chris and the whole adultry thing."

"That's past…that was ages ago."

"He pointed out that if I could turn things around, so could he. The approach was a desperate attempt by a desperate man who assumed I would take him with me to San Diego." She shook her head gently and sighed heavily. "At times he was down right predatory. But I figured he had a chip on his shoulder and subscribed to the good 'ol boys Navy ideology of 'no women in the military.'"

"Mac, what he said about you, the parts I left out, sounded like a rapist enjoying the stories of his latest victim. It made me sick. It made me snap. And just know, if he ever lays a hand on you…I'll fucking kill him."

Her hand came down on his arm. "I can handle myself. Besides, he won't be much of a problem for me by 0834 tomorrow."

"Oh?"

"Vukovic is heading off to the Nassau. The General approved it and it will give me time to right your ship without any encumbrance from the Lt. Commander." She noticed his attitude change and the defensive posture melted away to nothing. Harm took a deep breath and so did she. They'd enjoy the levity for as long as possible. "I'll get you his file but only because it's on your desk until his ass is on that LHA. Just don't do something stupid, not because of me."

"I won't." He promised and Mac knew it was a lie.