Chapter 11

A soft glimmer of light crept in through the edges of the curtains, a gentle wake up call for a woman who slept deeper than she had in years. There was something about the narrowboat that helped her sleep easily. Of course the heavy conversation with her former partner may have contributed to Mac's exhaustion.

She yawned and stretched, mildly annoyed to find the spot next to her was cold and empty. By the sway of the boat she knew Harm was topside piloting the vessel down the canal. A peak from behind the curtain confirmed this and through patches of heavy morning dew, she could see beams of sunlight breaking through.

With a huff, Mac came to a sitting position, stretched once more and then headed to the bathroom to begin her morning routine.

"You could have woken me." When she stepped out of the living quarters Mac did so with two steaming cups of coffee and a smile. She had showered and changed wearing jeans with a soft red sweater that only somewhat shielded her from the brisk morning weather.

Harm's smile widened when he took the mug of lightly creamed coffee. His morning brew always tasted better made by her hand. Mac had a gift for improving even the worst kind of coffee. "I wanted to but you were pretty passed out."

"You look a little tired."

"I am." And though he did sleep, it was more of the restless kind that left noticeable circles under his eyes. "Thanks for this."

"You're welcome. I hate to admit it but, I've pulled away from Marine grade a bit." She said, making a face and running a finger up and down her abdomen. "A week into my command I began developing GI issues. Lost some weight because of it."

"You okay?"

"I am now. Hadda cut down on coffee, sadly."

He understood. At times, when the case volume was high it often felt like he lived on coffee and whatever other crap was in the breakroom. Sometimes the constant barrage of caffeine through his system out of whack. "I know the feeling. Thankfully these Brits can make one helluva cup of tea."

"There's that." She stood on the opposite side of the tiller and leaned her backside against the railing around the stern. "So, about last night. I want to-"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Harm said suddenly and the mood between them changed quickly. His harsh tone actually made her jump and even the air was charged with something that added to their tension.

"I'm sorry." Mac felt like running, hiding or simply tossing herself off the boat. Their dynamic couldn't survive in such cramped quarters and she wondered if perhaps the weeklong trip should be cut short. "You're good at driving this thing."

"You did good, too. Wait until we have to take a sharp turn. Those are brutal."

She hadn't thought of any odd turns given how narrow the canal was. So far their trip was full of bridges and tunnels they glided under. Harm promised her more adventurous things would come but given their serene setting, she found it highly unlikely. "Was it fun being on the Academy sail team?"

"Not really. I was a plebe trying to impress a girl."

"Let me guess who that girl was. Diane?"

Harm took a sip of his coffee and nodded slowly. "Yep. It completely backfired, her father and older brothers had been involved in competitive sailing for years. I was just the newbie jackass that barely knew what a boom was." Lord, did he regret not letting Frank show him the finer points of sailing when he was younger. The man raced professionally in his youth and even gifted his mother a beautiful blue and white sailboat named 'The Lady Patricia' as a wedding gift.

"Diane wasn't interested until the start of our third year. I had a girl I met in town named Sylvia that got tired of my obsession with Flying. When we broke up, Diane was still available." He sighed wistfully, recalling the youthful romance that was fun and sexy but would lead to nothing. "It was hot and heavy for a bit."

Mac learned plenty about Diane Schonke from both Keeter and Sturgis. Neither of which believed the relationship could last for varying reasons. Harm pined over her for years until different career paths took them to different ends of the Earth. "Did you see yourself marrying her?"

"No." His reply was quick and sad. Mac turned to look at him and Harm shook his head. "It wasn't love, Mac. At least not the right kind for marriage and a family."

"Because of the Navy."

"In spite of it. She dated other guys and I dated other girls. There was no exclusivity and it didn't exactly hurt each time we went our separate ways." Her death was still painful and tragic but it didn't hold as much weight as it should have. "Speaking of marriage, why didn't you tell me about Chris sooner?"

Mac finished her coffee and pushed off the railing to place her cup on the roof of the boat. "Did we have to tell eachother everything? You hid things from me."

"No. Other than my dad going missing and my ramp strike, I'm really didn't have much to tell." Off Mac's look and the tsking sound she made with her tongue, he tried to scramble for a response. "I didn't think you wanted to know about the half dozen or so girls after I became a pilot."

But she did know of at least one that was unknowingly passed between him and Keeter. "Jack told me about Maria Elena - Cuban flight attendant from Miami with the five last names."

"Two. It was two last names - Maria Elena Carmelita Moreno Gurierrez." He corrected and chuckled when Mac rolled her eyes. "And Keeter has damned loose lips. I thought we were exclusive and she played me. She played both of us."

"And I bet you enjoyed being played." She nudged him playfully. From the tattered photo Jack had shown her once Maria, whatever her name was, looked like a model and a woman most men would kill to sleep with.

Harm smiled whistfully, "That I did." While Maria Elena was quite a looker, she paled in comparison to Mac. Maybe he was biased about his former partner but his attraction was far more complex. Those amber eyes and olive skin with legs that went on for days was impossible to beat. Mac had a hidden sex appeal that wasn't flaunted and still oozed off her.

She was gorgeous, elegant and classy. Had he not known about her past, Harm could have believed Mac's upbringing was just as privileged as his. "Why aren't you married?"

"Gimme a break, Harm. You know my history."

He did and yet it meant nothing. It was always surprising that some political bigwig in Washington hadn't snatched her up. "I mean it. I get Mic," He made a gagging noise and laughed when she glared at him. "But after that…Spookboy didn't propose?"

"Good God no." The thought of being married to Clayton Webb was truly terrifying. Besides never knowing which of his words were lies, there was his mother to consider - the always proper Porter Webb who would likely have a say on everything from A to Z.

Mac cringed at the thought imagining her life would be that kf a kept woman with a drunken Clayton Webb by her side. "He's not the kind of man I would ever marry. That relationship was what it was - two people who shared a terrible situation and got way in over their heads. We'll leave it at that."

If he could turn back the clocks, Harm would stop Paraguay from ever happening. At the very least, he should have stopped Mac from leaving his apartment and begged her to stay. Hindsight really was a bitch. "You loved him."

"I cared about him, was indebted. But I never loved him like a wife would a husband."

"You cried over him." He accused as if she'd done something wrong.

"Only when I thought he was dead…Didn't you cry when Diane died?"

"Yes."

"How about Jordan?"

Harm cried then too, especially over the guilt he felt although it was unfounded. Jordan's death couldn't have been prevented. "Yeah, I did. I cared for her."

"Were either of them the kind you'd want to marry?"

"No, they weren't." The closest may have been Diane had they figured out a way to make it work. In the end, he couldn't see his ring on her finger.

Mac leaned over the top if the boat, propping her elbows on the roof as they wound through the canal. The silence between them wasn't unpleasant, just…empty and a little sad.

Her secrets far outweighed his and the subject of marriage and engagements always reminded her of a huge weight Mac carried. She took a breath and let the words spill out of her lips knowing it would hurt him. "I've been engaged one other time."

"Let me guess? The SEAL from Coronado?" She had an adorably smitten look when talking about the man and his jealousy was having no trouble kicking into high gear. Had Mac taken his ring?

"I'm sure he wishes. I like him a lot but, no."

"Dalton?" Was his next guess since the lawyer managed to woo Mac out of JAG, putting a ring on her finger seemed plausible. She shook her head slowly and stared at him wide-eyed as if expecting him to give another name. "I don't know."

"John."

"John who?" Right when he asked, Harm's brain began to function again. Of all the men in Mac's life there was one he loathed the least, "Farrow? John Farrow?"

"Yes." What no one knew was that their affair was not a one night or even a casual fling. They had a relationship, albeit an illicit one, that lasted for several months and ended only because her career was moving her far away and Mac wasn't willing to make the sacrifice to stay. "I loved him, Harm. It wasn't an infatuation. He didn't use me and I didn't use him. I loved him and John is still very much in love with me."

"Is he?"

"Yeah, he is." Mac had the letters to prove it, the untraceable totems of love that he sent twice a month, every month. Farrow was a prolific poet and the letters had sometimes soothed her lonely heart.

"I gave back the ring." She deadpanned while staring at the beautiful canopy of foliage above.

"Oh, a ring and everything?" It was difficult not to sound jealous and now Harm finally understood why his gut sensed a strong relationship between Farrow and Mac. The lucid daydream in a Chinese restaurant came to mind as well. "John's a good man." Lord, why did he feel sick admitting it?

"Yeah he is. But my life in the Corps would have been over. I'dve been 'The Colonel's Wife' and missed out on one hell of a life." A soft smile graced her lips as she turned to face him. "I wouldn't have met you and I wouldn't trade being your partner for anything in this World."

She meant it. Harm knew she meant it and he felt a certain fluttering in his stomach. "We've had some wild adventures."

"Yeah, we have." Mac came to his side when Harm offered her the tiller. Their hands briefly touched but it wasn't her that pulled away first.

"I'm gonna start on breakfast, something simple…Keep her steady and just yell if anything comes up." He took her empty mug and waved it. "I'll bring you another cup."

He was nearly inside the cabin when Mac's voice stopped him. "Were you ever with Catherine Gale? I know the wedding was completely fake." Not that she didn't take Harm's word for it, Bud just filled in all of the particulars of his sham of a wedding. "Did you sleep with her?"

She actually sounded pained to ask although Mac knew she didn't have a right to. Though her relationship with Webb hadn't really begun until Sadik's death, she used their closeness to keep Harm away.

"No. I may have thought about it but she's not my type."

"Oh." Mac frowned. As much as she hated the idea of him sleeping with the Agency lawyer, it pained her to think that he was alone while she… "I never slept with Webb until after…after Sadik died…I need you to know that."

Harm gripped one of the mugs so tightly, it felt like they would break from the force. He'd been an ass to her. Hurt and wanting to destroy the best thing in his life simply because he didn't understand how the hero could lose the girl. "There was no one after Renee until I got here."

Lord, that was embarrassing to admit. It sounded like he was saving himself and maybe, in a way, he was although it wasn't a conscious decision. "Her name is Olivia and I think you'd like her."

Mac doubted that. "No, I wouldn't. I've never liked any one of the women you've dated." She admitted and quickly wished she hadn't when Harm walked back to her.

"I've hated every single man you've dated."

"I thought you respected John?"

Harm tilted his head and shrugged, "Respect as a fellow serviceman, yes. But, I loathe the fact that he knew you intimately and after today, I kinda wanna punch the guy."

She gently steered them past a winding curve without hitting the sides of the canals. "John and me are long gone."

"Good." He said over his shoulder befofe disappearing below deck.

"Doesn't Olivia care that her boyfriend is with another woman?"

Harm considered not answering the question in efforts to keep Mac guessing. In the end, he popped back out for a moment and decided to tell the truth. "Olivia and I are not exclusive. Plus, we'd been over for a while."

She stared at him and that slow grin spread across his lips. Mac smiled back, shook her head and softly sighed. "You wondered why I wasn't married. I wonder the same about you…You're a catch."

He knew that but finding the right woman tk match his personality felt impossible until a certain Marine crossed his path. Harm needed someone that he couldn't run over, a girl who had the right spark to fight back. She needed to be intelligent, funny, adventurous and unique. Mac was all of that rolled into a package that was pretty darn easy on the eyes.

"Maybe I have the ring and just haven't found the right girl to give it to?"

He wore a suggestive expression that Mac felt was a joke and so she played along. "Your Academy ring doesn't count. I'm talking about a real, deal engagement ring."

Harm thought back to the ring which sat in a safe at the back of his closet. It cost five figures and was made of white gold with an elegant, three stone setting. He bought it in California where he spend a few extra days recovering from the crash into the Atlantic. "Let me know if anything comes up."

"Like that?" She pointed at an object across the canal that resembled a bridge and was about the width of one car. It spanned from side to side,only a few feet above the water and prevented any kind of boat from passing.

Their team building exercises had begun.