Chapter 13
Mac practically ran off the narrowboat when he secured the lines and deemed it was fit to disembark. The canal's water level was high enough to forgo using the plank which made it easier to side step the hand Harm offered to help her ashore.
The town was a little bigger than the past ones they visited but just as pretty and rustic looking with cobblestone pavers that wound from the path and right to the center.
Mac led the way stopping when the first restaurant came into view. Lively music poured out of the establishment's open door and upon entering, a small dance floor full of happy patrons became the main attraction. It was all part of a festival of some sort and the locals put all of their energy into providing the best entertainment on the canal for the throngs of tourists that chose a narrowboat adventure.
"Here?" Harm said, only mildly disgusted with the loud music, the pounding thuds of heavy bass wasn't quite what he expected in the Welsh countryside.
She lit up and a smile from ear to ear replaced the scowl from earlier. They needed a break; something lively and fun to break this new tension that swirled around them. "Sure, why not? They have food." Her finger drifted over to the tables dotted around the dance floor to the plates of delectable cuisine and pints of frothy ale. "And drinks. You can have a beer."
"I don't want a damned beer." He said, rather exasperated that she'd suggest such a thing. "I want to talk to you. We need to talk, Mac. I need to apologize."
"About what, Harm?"
He stared at her blankly and, as usual, Harm's brain shut down. The brilliant lawyer was wordless and only unintelligible syllables came out of his mouth. Her annoyed groan was unlady-like only audible because the music had died.
"Yeah, I thought so." Mac wound her way over to an open table in the rear, mildly pissed when Harm didn't follow. The cat and mouse game was well past its prime.
He probably should have followed and tried a different approach but the lack of sleep combined with this new tension, had him in the foulest mood. Instead, Harm meandered his way to the bar choosing a seat where he could keep his back to her. Maybe she was right about the beer? A glass of suds might not fix everything but it could relax him a little.
The music cranked back up several minutes later in the form of a 70s Eagles tune being played by a local rock band. Harm drummed his fingers on the bar while nursing a pint of stout and eating from a basket of vegetables.
He forgot about Mac for a while. She hadn't even crossed his mind for what felt like an hour until something made him turn her way. "Shit." Damn did he wish his Spidey senses weren't so attune.
Of course there would be a man speaking to her. Of course she'd appear interested, laughing cheerily at whatever he said. Of course she'd invite him to sit with her and of course Harm's blood would start to boil. "Shit, shit, shit."
Now more than ever it was clear that she did these things on purpose to either grab his attention or make him look like a fool. Maybe it was both and he was the lovesick idiot that fell for her ploys over and over again.
"Fuck her." He muttered under his breath and then turned the opposite way to the group of patrons dancing. The dance floor was littered with couples, couples and more couples. Not one single woman for him to entice and flirt with. Not one single woman to dance with and… Well, there was one woman but she was old enough to be his grandmother and he politely declined when she asked him to dance.
Instead, he turned back to Mac at the worst time to do so. The man was sitting next to her and even at a distance Harm could tell he was easy on the eyes. Dark blonde hair, wide shoulders, thick biceps that were barely concealed by the shirt he wore. He had facial hair, a goatee that was neatly trimmed and wore a smile he assumed most women adored.
He watched as the man stood and extended a hand to Mac while motioning to the dance floor. Harm didn't see her decline. He didn't see much of anything but the color red which made him traverse the restaurant like a heat seeking missile.
Visions of her with Farrow, Dalton, Mic and Webb flashed before his eyes. He recalled his last forray to a bar and the disgusting way Vukovic detailed sexual acts with her. It all ran through him like the most caustic acid, forcing his fists to ball up so tightly even his short nails dug into the skin.
A hand heavily clamped onto the man's shoulder and a force that was almost supernatural, yanked him to his feet. Mac's suitor was tall but Harm loomed four inches taller. A voice that was not his own growled a menacing warning, "Get away from her."
"Or what?"
"This." Harm's balled fist connected with the man's cheek, a punch so hard it sent him careening back onto the table. The hit had hurt and Harm instantly grabbed the knuckles that now ached from such a strike.
It all started a chain reaction which led to a massive pub brawl that ended when the police were called. Harm barely escaped and rushed out to find Mac hurrying away from the bar. "Mac, wait! Wait for me."
"Why? So I can watch you act like a jealous neanderthal and then freeze like you always do?"
"I don't…I didn't-" Damnit, he did freeze even as she whirled around and stood toe to toe with him. Harm's brain struggled to find something else to say. Instead he took a step back. "I've told you I wanted you. What do you want from me?"
Mac was out of breath, her chest heaving from a combination of anger, want and need. Every nerve in her body was acutely aware of him for some reason that she couldn't quite understand. The more she pushed him away, the more she wanted him and that incessant need wouldn't cease no matter how much she tried. "I honestly don't know."
"I tried to talk to you about us and I tried to move the needle in the opposite direction."
"What exactly do you want from me?" Her finger painfully jabbed at his chest. "Back on the boat, it was clear what I wanted. I decided that I was done pushing you away. You could have done something…anything!"
"I wasn't going to take advantage of you."
Mac sighed. God, they really were a mess stuck in some perpetual push and pull that woud never let up. "Let's end this…. Turn the boat around in the morning and I'll head back home." It was easier to let him go forever then have her heart broken again.
"You're afraid." He accused as he blocked her path.
"Damn right I am. I can't give anymore than I have. I can't put myself out there again. I'd rather be lonely for the rest of my life. I'd rather die alone." Mac turned and began to hurry back to the boat only to have his hand grab her bicep and pull her roughly towards him. She tried to shake him off but Harm was much too strong. "Let me go."
"Not until you hear me out." He eased his grip somewhat but it wasn't enough to free her. When she turned to face him, Harm saw the anger in her eyes and something else that he couldn't comprehend. The words he wanted to tell her failed again and at once his hands dropped away and she was free to continue her walk down to the canal. "Mac, stop"
"Go to Hell, Harmon!"
"Now who's acting like a bilge pump!" Harm yelled as he set after her.
"Switch. It was a bilge switch and so what? Am I supposed to drop to my knees and worship you just because you suddenly decided you want me?"
"It wasn't sudden. I've wanted you for years!"
She stopped so abruptly that Harm nearly slammed into her back. "You sure have a damned weird way of showing it!... Look, this isn't going to work out. We both care about our careers too much to make any drastic changes." When he didn't retort, she turned on her heel and hurried away again.
"I don't give a shit about my career." Mac heard him say when the boat came into view. An impending storm sent swirling winds around them and she could feel the first drops of rain falling from the sky.
"What?"
"You heard me. If you're trying to keep me away out of some misaligned crusade to save my career - you can stop. I don't give a shit about my career."
Perhaps it was the strong emotions or maybe, just maybe, Mac had finally lost her mind. All she could do was laugh at his words. A deep, earnest laugh that was only slightly manic. Their careers had been at the forefront of their destructive relationship and the one thing neither of them could break away from even if it meant eternal happiness.
She was as much to blame as he and Mac refused to force him into resigning knowing he'd come to resent her later. "It's the only thing you and I have left - our careers. I'm not willing to give it up and neither are you. So we're right back where we started, back at the end. It's sad and it's tragic but it is what it is. We're barely even friends anymore. Let's make a clean break and finally move on."
"You mean that."
"Yeah, Harm. Go be with Olivia or whatever your girlfriend's name is. Maybe Eric is still interested. We can still be happy or pretend to be."
But he wouldn't. He couldn't because every woman in his life since Mac came along felt inadequate. "If that's what you want-"
"It isn't but, this…" She waved a hand between them. "Is never gonna work out."
The rain fell harder now, almost painfully and they each made a run for the boat. Mac was ahead and Harm not far behind. The water in the canal had fallen as is did every night and in her rush to get out of the storm, Mac missed a step. Her foot came against the side of the boat, slipping and sending her body backwards.
She expected to hit the ground and feel the slamming sensation of her head hitting the pavement of the towpath but that never happened. Instead, strong arms wrapped around her and before Mac knew what was happening, the warmth of a hard male body was pressed against hers.
Her hands came against his chest and she felt every muscle, every ridge, every plane of the torso Mac dreamed of touching. It caused a spark between them, one so noticeable thatHarm shook from the sensation. "You felt that." He said, his voice low and accusatory. "I know you felt that."
He refused to plead for her because that was the one shred of his dignity he still had left. When she wouldn't look him in the eye, Harm let her go knowing it would be the last time they were ever this close again. If Mac shored up her walls he would too because she was right, everything about them was sad and tragic and unchangeable.
Mac pushed away from him, not surprised that he easily let her go. "See, it's that right there…We don't fight; we never have. I would still follow you to the end of the Earth. I know you'd kill for me…I'd kill for you too. But, we don't fight when we should."
Harm knew she was right. He never stepped over the invisible boundary they created. Mac said it best once, he was only interested when she wasn't available. "You're right. We don't fight for us. Why is that?"
"I don't know." She pulled the plank from it's spot on the roof and placed it onto the boat. Harm stood on the towpath, reluctant to follow even though he was soaked to the bone. He needed to clear his head and couldn't do that in such small confines.
Mac unlocked the hatch and slid it out of the way. She took two steps into the boat only to stop suddenly. Her expression was solemn, her eyes that were full of light and amusement just a short time ago were now dim and sad. "I still love you, you know? Yesterday, today, tomorrow. It'll always be you. I need you to know that. For whatever it's worth, I'll always be in love with you."
Whatever kept Mac from immediately ducking inside had been his godsend. Harm hurried across the plank and grabbed her arm before she managed to drop down one step. As she turned to face him, his hands took hold of her waist and his fingers dug into the curves of her hips.
"Harm?" She stared at him as if he'd lost his mind and maybe he had but, for once, Harm would claim what he wanted most, damn the consequences.
"I'm fighting…" And then his lips crashed onto hers.