Chapter 17

The weather had broken the following morning and left the lush greenery even richer than before. Canal traffic had resumed and the fresh, clean air made Mac take a deep breath when she popped out on the stern.

"Mornin' beautiful." Harm stood with his hand on the tiller navigating them past a few narrowboats that were still moored. Each had its own color with huge differences like plants and flowers or fully covered sterns. She quickly surmised the boats were privately owned with owners that lived full time in the quaint vessels.

"Good morning." A peck on the cheek turned into a full on, deep kiss that had Harm nearly careening into the wall of the canal. "Woops, sorry."

"Worth it." He eyed her up and down deciding that clothes were unnecessary on a body like hers. It covered the delightful curves he'd spent the last day exploring. Harm grinned, he wasn't sure how long they'd been moored or even how many times they made love. His heart was full and his body ached pleasantly; life was good.

"That's a different grin."

"A what?" One brow rose and his grin turned quizzical.

Mac wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up to meet his questioning glance. "You grinned. It wasn't your normal smile or that flyboy kind that makes panties drop."

Harm chuckled. "I don't make panties drop."

"Yeah you do…You know you do." Mac rolled her eyes when he snorted. "Anyway…it's a different grin. Makes me wonder what you're thinking."

"Well." One arm came around her as his hand steadied the tiller to keep them from hitting another boat. "First, I was thinking about how good you look without clothes…and second, that I haven't been happy in a while - not like this."

"I haven't either. Maybe ever." The change between them was nice and totally unexpected.

"Maybe I should thank Vicpuke for being such an asshole."

"Ugh, let's not take it that far…Listen, about Vic-"

"Not now, Mac. Let's not ruin this trip. We have time to talk about him when we get back. It's not like he's going anywhere."

"Okay, you're right." She agreed but something deep inside told Mac to worry. Instead, she took a deep breath and ignored her intuition when Harm kissed her.

"Shit." Harm cursed at the long line of narrowboats waiting to cross the Pontcysyllte Aqueduct. Completed in 1805, the two hundred year old structure of stone and iron was used to carry the canal across the River Dee at a dizzying height of 126 feet.

It was wide enough for just one narrowboat with the towpath on one side, a sheer drop on the other and seemingly nothing to stop the vessel from going over. The edge of the viaduct was slightly lower than the deck and even if it looked treacherous, no boat had ever fallen over in two hundred plus years.

"What's up?" Mac had popped out of the cabin where she'd been cleaning up after lunch. They decided not to stop until the evening in order to make up for the time they were moored which meant no sightseeing until they crossed what Harm deemed "The Big Bridge."

He pointed ahead as he brought the boat to a stop. "Traffic jam."

She glared over the top to find a line vessels ahead where the canal widened before the mouth of the aqueduct. "Why? What's up ahead?"

"The aqueduct." He said surreptitiously. While Mac wasn't exactly afraid of heights, making the crossing felt harrowing, like the boat could topple over at any moment. Harm was curious how she'd react.

"The aqueduct, huh?" Mac came to her toes in a futile effort to get a better look. The other boats blocked her view as did the trees on either side of the entrance. "What's so special about it?"

"It's about 130 feet high with no railing and it looks like the boat could fall over at any time." He was giving her his playful tone, the kind that meant he was teasing when Harm really wasn't. The first time he'd crossed the span, his heart was in his throat while galloping a million miles an hour.

"I'm not afraid of heights."

"We'll see."

Mac punched him lightly on the arm. "Did you forget that getting into that cave at Red Rock Mesa meant rappelling into it? That wasn't the tallest rock on the planet but it wasn't a tiny cliff either."

The grin was wiped off his face. She was right, finding her uncle Matt meant landing the helo on the top of a cliff and rappelling a good fifty feet into the cave. Even in her sundress, Mac handled herself like a recon Marine and he was doing everything possible to keep up. "I forgot about that… But, you were a pro going out there…this is a lil different…no safety rope to stop you from falling." He was still using the same teasing tone although this time it sounded like seduction.

Mac stepped up to him, stopping a breath away from her lips meeting his. "Well, this time I have a strong, sexy sailor to catch me before I fall."

"Can I drive her?" Over an hour had passed since the traffic cleared enough for Harm and Mac's narrowboat to start the passage. One boat had a quarter to go and as Harm prepared for them to move, he was surprised by her request.

"Yeah, Mac… Go for it." He placed his hand over hers when she took the tiller and gave it a light squeeze. "It's gonna narrow so much that it looks like we barely fit, just keep her steady and slow - she'll glide across."

"Gotcha."

Harm moved away and leaned against the railing. She was biting her lower lip and breathing a little heavier, it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. While part of him wanted to tease her, he decided to watch instead as Mac throttled forward and slowly moved into the aqueduct.

The first few feet pushed the narrowboat out of the holding basin and onto the passage. Almost immediately the view opened up to hilly valleys in the distance and the tippy top of trees on either side. To the right was the towpath with the only railing to keep pedestrians safe. On their left was a sheer drop off separated by a plate of metal that barely met the boat's deck.

Mac glanced down and immediately regretted it. The height made her dizzy for just a split second until she focused on the river below and one of the most breathtaking vistas she'd experienced. When she glanced at Harm she found him staring at her with a look of pride. "What?"

"You're amazing."

"Not so bad yourself… Here. She tapped the tiller when they were halfway through, took his hand and wrapped it around the rubberized grip. Her hand came over his and together they navigated the remainder of the aqueduct. "This is…I have no words."

"I don't either." Harm looked down at their hands and a familiar rumbling began in his chest. He loved her more than she'd ever known.

After their adventure and a steady diet of lift bridges and tunnels, Harm thought it best to moor the boat a little earlier. There was a small town with a castle with stone walls stretching skyward that made for the perfect rest stop.

On Mac's suggestion, they made a quick tour of the village, bought groceries for a simple pasta dinner and opted to stay in for the night. They could explore in the morning starting with breakfast at a local bakery and a quick tour of said castle.

Harm was content to stay put if not for the nagging sensation that had been prevalent on his chest since earlier that day. It began to feel like a noose with only one way to undo the rope. "Lord help me."

How many times had Mac told him that she loved him? Harm tried to count it off in his mind but couldn't come up with a number. It didn't just happen in the throes of passion, she'd admitted her feelings over a week ago when he'd prompted her to talk about them.

Before seeing her he'd been a little surer or maybe it was all of the pep talks Harm had given himself for two years. If he saw her again he would….If she called him he would…. If she was still single…If she wasn't single…If…If.. If….

Now he had her. At least, he thought he did but the words didn't come from him like he believed he would.

It wasn't like he didn't love her. He'd been in love with her for far longer than she would believe. He was just stupid and was still acting like the dumbest man in the World.

"No, I'm not." Harm defended. He just didn't want to affirm his affections to get her into bed and didn't want Mac to believe that's the kind of man he was. Never had he ever feigned affections for sex no matter which woman he chased after.

After sex it was almost cliche to say the words. Theatrical and dramatic - a 'thank you' for a good time. And how the hell would he make it meaningful when Mac already said the words first? 'I love you, too' sounded awfully pathetic especially when it took this long for them to be a couple - if that's what they even were.

There was always some elaborate plan in his mind if he ever had the guts to confess his feelings. Floating on a small boat in the middle of Wales was not it. She deserved more than this dinghy and yet, that stupid bubbling emotion in the center of chest made him put down the knife he was using to chop vegetables for a salad.

"Now or never, Hammer." The pep talk was lame if not silly but he really couldn't spend another day not saying…something. With a rush, he washed his hands and hurried after her.

Mac sat at the bow on the seat closest to the water. She held a worn paperback between the splayed fingers of her right hand. Her left arm simply dangled at her side. She heard him coming, of course but it was still a nice surprise when Harm took her empty hand and held it as he sat on the opposite seat. "Hey."

"Hi…Watcha reading?"

She looked at him with a blush on her cheek and a crooked smile. Most men hated the classics and when she held up the cover for him to read, her blush deepened. "Not my usual spy thriller…And don't laugh."

"Pride and Prejudice." Harm groaned, "I hate that book. Ms. Hall, my highschool Lit teacher is a huge fan if Jane Austen made us read the thing cover to cover."

"It's not bad."

"Ugh, define 'not bad'." He took the book from her and began to thumb through the pages. Many were earmarked and some were even highlighted in yellow. "This is a favorite of yours."

"It has been since I was a kid." She watched him thumb through it again, slowly taking in the passages she favored the most. "It's about us, you and me."

"Us?" He snorted, "How?"

"You don't see the similarities. I didn't at first and then it started to make sense when I picked it up again a few years ago."

"You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased." Harm read one of the statements that jumped out at him. When he glanced up, Mac was grinning. He rolled his eyes and read a few paragraphs higher.

"As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit." Damn if that statement didn't hit a chord. It made his head snap up and Harm almost hissed when he spoke. "I'm not conceited."

"Not always." She agreed. A teasing smile spread across her lips and Harm wasn't sure if he should be offended by her presumption.

He opened his mouth to mount a defense but it all fell short when he thought about his life. It had been privileged, much more than other kids he knew. Most things in his life came easy and when they didn't, he blamed everyone else but himself.

Shit. She was right, the parallels between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy and he and Mac were there but with different characters. "So I'm Darcy and you're Elizabeth. Pride and Prejudice."

"Yes." Mac seemed pleased at herself as if she'd unlocked some hidden mystery that was impossible to find.

Maybe she was right? He read the quote again and then followed the rest of Darcy's soliloquy. Again, the parallel was there - an only child with too good of an upbringing. "My mom tried to raise me as good as possible, grams did too…Maybe they were overprotective, overzealous. Frank wanted my acceptance, his form of love meant buying me whatever I wanted. They didn't mean to but I guess it sorta made me into a brat."

"You're not a brat."

"But I am prideful and when things don't go my way I'm selfish…Not sure I can change that."

"I don't want you to change. I want you to be you."

Harm snorted, "Yeah, not sure you're interested in dating an always jealous, selfish, conceited prick."

"You're not a prick. You can be an ass sometimes, like when you purposely push my buttons but, I love you anyway."

Damn. There was the word again, the one he hoped to embrace if this thing was gonna work. He sighed and slowly dragged his eyes up to meet hers. "I'm not exactly romantic either…Girls like the romance…You like romance, don't you?"

Mac rose from her spot and lowered herself onto his lap. Her arms came around his neck and her lips met his in a series of kisses that punctuated her words. "Just. Be. You. I. Love. You."

That seemed like a fair proposition for now but all women he'd dated eventually complained when the honeymoon phase had waned. He knew how to wine and dine but it was the day to day relationship requirements that made him fumble.

He didn't want to fall into those monotonous pitfalls with her. And he didn't want Mac to tire of him if he missed a step. His fingers landed on a specific page, highlighted in bright pink. "You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

"It's my favorite scene…even if Elizabeth doesn't agree to his proposal. Not that I can blame her, at first he makes it seem like she's not worthy."

Harm swallowed hard and then set the book beside him, careful to keep her bookmark in place. "Have I made you feel like that?"

"Sometimes." Like when she needed a friend and he was busy with another woman. It wasn't intentional and though the selfish part of her wanted Harm to put aside everything else, he wasn't a marionette for her to control.

"I'm sorry."

"It's past." She slipped off his lap and turned to stare over the serene waters of the canal. Mac didn't want to dwell on their past transgressions because it would lead them nowhere fast. "I'm fine."

"No you're not." He pulled her back, holding her hand as Mac dropped onto the small space next to him. His eyes were an intense blue, nearly cerulean and the rumbling in the center of his chest grew stronger. "Mac, since you got here you've been transparent about your feelings for me… I haven't. I had all these conversations in my head that I thought we could have and we hadn't had a single one."

She pressed a hand against his chest and felt the hard thumps of his racing heart. This was unfamiliar territory for both of them and the last thing she intended was for a stupid book to scare him this much. "I know what you feel for me. We don't need to talk about it…I've probably known it for years but been too prejudiced to see it."

"I'm scared… I'm fucking scared to put myself out there and have you push me away again. That's why I never fought and never ran after you." Space could fix some things but not everything. Between them the space only grew into a casom. "Now I'm scared that if I don't tell you, you'd push me away anyway."

"No, Harm..I'm not going anywhere.. I may not know where this is headed or how it will work but... I know you love me, really love me. You don't have to say the words."

Damn if she didn't make it easy to just back off. She even leaned in to kiss him once more and effectively end a challenging conversation. Instead his hands came to her shoulders where he held Mac at arms length. "Damnit Mac, hold me accountable here."

"I'm not gonna make you say something you're not ready to."

Harm chuckled, "Will you shut up and let me say it?"

"Fine." Her eyes rolled playfully.

He took her hand and raised it to his lips that he brushed along the top of her knuckles. "You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." When Harm spoke it was in a hideous accent that sounded like a mix of Australian and Irish.

It made Mac laugh and most, if not all of this newer extension eased significantly. "That was a terrible accent."

"How about this - I'm in love with you, Mac." Harm felt the rumble in his chest grow, threatening to burst. Amber eyes filled with love, devotion, shock and awe stared back at him. I'm an egotistical, impulsive occasional jet jock who's been in love with you for so long."

"I love you too."