So I'm writing this while floating on a raft in my pool. It's terribly hot and sunny...

Chapter 19

Two sets of suitcases hit the ground with a thud followed by the sound of a slamming door and its lock being closed. Clothing began coming off, shoes, socks, a jacket and shirt all of which led a trail to the bedroom on the left with the oversized king bed.

"I've been dying to see you laying in my bed, naked on those red sheets." Harm's voice was husky, down to that dangerously sexy timbre that made her quiver with anticipation.

Mac kept her arms wrapped around his neck, kissing him, keeping her body pressed as close as possible while he walked her backwards to the edge of the bed. "I'm not naked yet." She pointed out, giggling as he moaned when she cupped him through the jeans he wore.

He made fast work of her top, dropped it on the floor and then pushed her onto the matress. Her slacks came off in a few quick pulls. Her panties came next while Mac raised up and took care of her bra. Each item fell to the floor, adding to a growing pile.

Mac shifted to the middle and watched Harm carefully unzip his jeans and lower them enough so that his erection could spring free. "See something you like?"

She parted her legs and then crossed them, laughing when his resolve snapped and he quickly crawled over her. "You have no idea how many times I've fantasized about you on these sheets or how bad I've wanted to make love to you in my bed."

He hovered over her, balancing his weight on his knees and elbows, a breath away from kissing. She smelled so good, looked even better and for the millionth time Harm wondered why they hadn't gotten together sooner. "I'm so in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too." She ran her hands down his back to his six and pushed down the jeans he still wore. "Take these off. I want to feel all of you…skin on skin." She licked his chin, his lips.

"Oh yeah, skin on skin." Harm agreed. The last of his clothing topped the pile and a second later he was back in bed, his skin against hers, her warm depths wrapped around him.

"I know what you're thinking."

Mac's head rested on his shoulder. One of her hands played with the peppering of hair on his chest. Harm was asleep, at least, she thought he was and that gave her ample time to think. Unfortunately, her thoughts often took dark turns down paths that shouldn't be explored.

Her therapist had suggested she always create a backup - something of a coping mechanism that helped her compartmentalize the plans that didn't materialize as Mac envisioned.

"What am I thinking?" She turned to look at him and was surprised to see the apprehension in his eyes that followed a sad smile.

"Same thing I am…Distance, you'll eventually have to leave." He shifted so they lay side by side and his hand slowly moved up and down her arm. He loved touching her. He loved knowing he was free to touch and kiss and taste. He never wanted it to end. "I know it'll be okay. I know we'll figure it out."

"How?"

"I don't know."

She sighed heavily, "Although you say you will, you won't follow. You won't give this up for me a second time and I don't expect you to…I don't want you to give up anything for me."

"Don't presume to know what I would or wouldn't do." The younger him might have agreed and even the older him wanted to hold on to that shred that made him feel like a twenty-something top gun. But, it was futile - he loved her and would move the moon and stars to keep her. "Why do I feel that I always have to prove myself to you? I love you, isn't that enough?"

"You are everything I want. Since we met I knew no one else could come close…"

"But?"

Mac sat up, pulling the sheet to cover her naked breasts. She leaned against the headboard and closed her eyes. Damnit, she was doing it again - doubting this and that, sabotaging her own happiness. "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't help the thoughts running through my head that makes me feel I'm not good enough for you."

"Jesus, Mac." Lord knew he thought the same about himself and if his failure to commit was nothing more than insecurity on his part. It had been easy to get most women he wanted, except for Mac and that had left a semi-permanent stain on his ego. "You are good for me. You're who I want."

"And I don't want to ruin your life again." She waved a hand between them. "I love you too much to destroy you and I love you too much to lose you. I don't wanna feel that kind of pain again."

He didn't either because now it would be apocalyptic. "Would you give it all up for me?"

Mac bit her lower lip and sighed. She hated the control Harm would always have over her. In short, she'd give up the Marine corps and a career she loved if it meant never losing him. That fact was terrifying. "Yes..I would."

"But?"

"But.." She accused him once of making simple things complicated but their lives were a complication. "I don't wanna lose you and I don't want us to become strangers again…You said you're bad at relationships, I'm not any better. I can't fix that."

Harm remained quiet for a moment. That had been the crux of their dance all along; the 'what if' that was terrifyingly daunting. "Let's try at least. I'd rather have something with you than have nothing."

"And I want it all…a career, a good man and comfortable shoes." She shimmied down onto the mattress and reached out to run her hand over his cheek that was quite stubbly from days without shaving. He looked so sexy and dangerous; Mac loved it.

He grinned and then tipped her head up to kiss her. "Even if your 'good man' is a squid?"

"I can learn to ignore that." She laughed when he rolled them over so that she was on top. In the end, top or bottom didn't really matter. For now, Mac had who she always wanted and he loved her. Harm was right - they had to try.

Two Days Later.

Mac stared at the back wall, her eyes focused on a tiny spot that made standing at attention far easier. She tried hard not to think about that morning and how difficult it had been to get out of bed. She'd always been an early bird getting the worm type - ready to go far earlier than necessary.

A certain sailor disrupted her plans.

She needed coffee, some toast and was in the middle of preparing both when he came up from behind. His arms wrapped around her middle and those darn lips of his kissed a spot behind her ear. "Come back to bed, it's too early."

"I know but I'm sure Hollings will come at me with guns a-blazing. I want to be ready."

"You have two and a half hours, Mac…Come back to bed." She should have resisted and maybe Mac would have if he hadn't loosened the cinch of her robe. His hands covered her breasts and she nearly dropped the carafe when she felt his arousal pressing against her back.

The bedroom suddenly felt so far away. Kitchen sex led to bedroom sex and finally shower sex which left her with thirty minutes to get ready. Thankfully her driver had been late and a crash made the roads unbearable.

Hollings was walking around her, a clear scrutiny of her appearance when she knew that nothing was out of place. "You look different, Colonel. There's a…glow about you."

If she could have smacked Harm, she would have. Or maybe she need to drop kick the man standing in front of her. "Well rested, I guess. I haven't taken much leave since I took over command of JLSS. Just a day here or there. The time off was needed."

Hollings leaned against his desk and nodded. "You Marines are too squared away, Colonel. While I appreciate that behind enemy lines you could learn a thing or two about life from us squids. Take time off more often you're no good to any command if you don't take care of yourself."

"Noted, sir." Hollings Hadn't been the only person to point that out. Even Cresswell was annoyed that she hadn't taken much of the leave on her books.

He grinned and motioned for her to sit. "I guess I don't have to ask if you're well rested."

"No, sir. Caught up on some much needed sleep." Due to the fact that a certain squid made it a point to exhaust her almost every night.

"Good. Well, I'll stop beating around the bush. The Captain's trial has been set. I was trying to settle this with an Admiral's mast but the officer in question took it farther up the chain of command while we cleared up this little snafu on base."

Of course he did. The sniveling sack of shit probably went to the SECNAV himself who, much like the former, despised one Harmon Rabb Jr. "I apologize, sir but why does this feel like Captain Rabb is being made an example of?"

"Because he is. If I went around decking every guy that glanced my wife's way I'd be in jail. He's lucky he wasn't taken in that night."

"But a trial, sir? It's a bit extreme when nothing really happened to the Lieuten…err…Commander Vukovic."

Hollings squared his eyes and raised a brow, "You don't like him, Vukovic."

"I don't, not one bit. He's- for lack of more colorful vernacular - a jerk. And I have a gut feeling his blurb with the Captain stems from something far greater in regards to the fairer sex."

The Admiral's jaw tightened as the implication of Mac's words hit home. "Do you have proof?"

"I'm working on it." She nodded and then motioned to the file on his desk. "When is the trial set for?"

"Next week. You'll have a few days to pick defense and prosecution. You may not know the staff well enough but-"

"I'll make a judgment call and let the Captain pick his counsel" She took the file handed to her and stared at the six photos paper clipped to the inside cover. They were pictures of Vukovic taken at the hospital. Bloody nose, bruised ribs and a black eye. It was hard not to roll her eyes - the man was a callused little wuss. "Sir, the Captain and I-"

"-Are dating?" He interrupted and gave her a knowing smile.

Mac's mouth opened and closed a few times when his comment rendered her otherwise speechless. She stared at him unflinching, not wavering. The man seemed absolutely amused if not a little delighted. This would be the second time he hinted at her and Harm's 'thing.'

"It's not a secret, Colonel and I frankly don't care. Your work ethic and the Captain's are well documented, just keep your personal life out if my base, understood?"

"We're not dating and with all due respect, sir. I believe General Creswell had an open discussion with you about mine and the Captain's relationship."

Hollings had some nerve to pursue this odd interest of his. None of her commanding officers had ever been this blunt. She might have appreciated the direct approach at one point in her life but now that she and Harm were, in fact, a couple meant protecting them zealously. "I apologize, Colonel."

She should have said something - that would be the right step in assuring her relationship with Harm would last. Hiding it was plain stupid considering they were not in the same command anymore but Hollings was also the last person she'd come to.

Cresswell, on the other hand, was an ally. The gruff Marine trusted her like he did any man he'd been to war with. He confided in her enough to bring Mac in as something of a mentor for his daughter.

And there was always the silly expression on Cresswell's face when she and Harm interacted. It was like he knew something was bound to happen on his watch although she and Harm were nothing but consummate professionals.

"I suppose this means that Commander Vukovic will be traveling back soonly."

Hollings dropped onto his chair with a dramatic sigh. He was growing tired of junior officers finding their own way which meant circumventing his authority. "He's already here."

"What? Since when?"

"Since the SECNAV became involved along with some snooty congresswoman who felt that the plaintiff shouldn't have been sent away. Blaming the victim or some bullshit like that." Hollings shrugged. "Look MacKenzie, I don't care for the kid either…Vukovic has been a pain in my ass since arriving in England. I've never had so many 'special requests' filed on behalf of any one subordinate. And I don't like being told what to do. I didn't get where I am questioning the authority of my commanding officers… He's a cancer."

"What special requests?" She eyed a second folder the Admiral was tapping a pen against. When he sat back and gave her a death glare, Mac understood why the man had scrutinized her so much. The information was sensitive and not to be given to anyone that he didn't trust.

Hollings inched the folder closer with the tip of his finger. "You said you have a gut feeling about Vukovic? I did too and was hoping to share my thoughts with Captain Rabb until he decided he was Mike Tyson."

He slid the file to the edge of the desk and motioned for Mac to take it. "It's not a whole lot but there are gaps. Too many gaps for any serviceman or woman. And an Admiral's mast that was set but then retracted. I can't find the 'why' without getting myself into trouble. The Captain can."

Mac glared at the file. Everything Harm needed could possibly be between the flaps of the manilla folder. Or perhaps this was a set up, a way to finally rid the Navy of an impulsive officer. She took the folder and flipped through a few pages. Gut instinct told her Hollings could be trusted.

"The Captain has been looking into past transgressions on his personal time. I don't want to say more until he's sure if not it's just conjecture."

Oh how he hated those legal terms or the fact that the truth was never enough. Lawyers were a thorn on the military's side, he missed the old ways of handling men like Vukovic. " Do you believe it is enough to get him kicked out of the Navy?"

"I don't know. Why is that so important to you?"

Hollings was difficult to read, the kind of CO that hid his emotions behind the veneer of a hardened military man. She didn't expect to see him cry. "It's important to me because…because I think he raped my daughter." He tightened his jaw and wiped the tears away. "It's conjecture as you say. Taylor is a beautiful girl but insecure. Her friends said a US Naval officer with his description offered to walk her home when she had too much to drink. She says nothing happened, won't admit it if it did but I know it was him. I feel it in my gut."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because it happened two nights ago and Taylor refuses to talk about it."

Mac wanted to throw up. The thought of Vukovic defiling another woman made her sick. She also knew the drill, Hollings was up for promotion and having his daughter mixed in a scandal was not ideal. "Maybe if I speak to her?"

"No, you can't."

"With all do respect, sir, you'd rather put your career before your daughter? Why?"

Hollings squared his eyes, the gruff Admiral was back, acting like nothing happened. "Have you asked yourself the same question, Colonel? Why you put your career in front of your own happiness? It's a military thing. When you figure out why we're so stupid please let me know."