Love and Bacon Chapter 1: A Woman Now, an inuyasha fanfic

A/N:. Don't judge me, don't you Dare. Okay, you can judge me, but if you Do, leave it in a review at least! LOL.

This is set a little bit after the "Since Then" snippet written by Rumiko Takahashi, maybe within or around a year (non specific) as Kohaku was roughly or about to be twelve by the time Naraku was defeated and here he's Almost Sixteen.

FYI: I DO actually Know that the "Tet-" spelling of "Tetsusaiga" is incorrect and it's actually Supposed to be "Tessaiga." I do know that "taiyoukai" should Probably actually be "daiyoukai" and that it's not Necessary to add the "u" in the Middle of Sesshoumaru or the end of Shippou. However, some things really just mess with my own writing mojo and you're just going to have to Deal With It, okay? If it bothers you that much, feel free to copy-paste it into wordpad and use the "replace all" function to correct it yourself for your own reading, I don't much care. I expect you're probably familiar with the common terms in fics such as youkai, kitsune, hanyou, etc.

Mini-Glossary for less familiar terms :

shaku = a Japanese unit of measurement equal to almost exactly the same as a "foot" in American, or one third of a meter if you're using metric like most of the world (*in this story therefore a Sixth of a Shaku is about two inches, or five centimeters.)

jyaki, youki, shouki = actually Not Always Interchangeable; far as I recall, jyaki would be what one might call "demonic energy", youki would be more like the "aura" and shouki would be "miasma" if I were to really dumb it down for you. It's actually a little more complicated than that but suffice it to say, youki looks too much like youkai for me to like using it all the time and so I often sort of mentally substitute jyaki for both. Shouki would be like the toxins Naraku used in foggy clouds of poison gas or pools of liquid.

"Damare" = "Silence"

"Anata O Koroshimasu" = "I will kill you" (sometimes I slur it with apostrophes like nat'o'korosh'mas' to indicate speed of speech but it's the same thing, just like "I'll" instead of "I Will")

"Temee", "Chikusho", "Kisama" = rude ways of saying "you" (almost like saying "You Fucker", "You Son of a Bitch", "You Bastard")

"Ane-ue", "Ani-ki" = Big Sister, Big Brother, respectively. Antiquated these days, but more common in the Sengoku era (you hear Kohaku use Ane-ue a lot in the Japanese version)

Kusarigama = chain-scythe (Kohaku's weapon)

Wakizashi = medium shortsword (the kind Kohaku and Sango usually use, shorter than a katana longer than a dagger or tanto)

Taijiya = Japanese word for Demonslayer (profession of Sango and Kohaku)

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Pursing her lips, licking them once to relieve the suddenly chapped feeling of them as she paused to compose herself, she repeated the words into the soft early night air, her voice trembling as she questioned herself yet spoke with conviction all at once.

"I said, I am a Woman now, and that I should like to love you as a Woman loves a Man."

"You're still so Young though," was the quiet and troubled reply she got, and she winced at that and lowered her head.

"Oh, I see. It's a soft way to say No Thank You. Well, I understand, since I am only a human-"

"It's not because you're Human. That never bothered me."

"Oh, Didn't it? So you left me here because my humanity Didn't bother you?" she grumbled, crossing her arms with a huff.

"I left you here to make sure you were safe and learned the ways of your own people. A youkai warrior is no fitting teacher for a human girl."

"Well now I HAVE learned the ways of My People, and I am a Woman now! And the ways of Women are to learn how to be good Wives, to learn how to cook and be efficient at cleaning and how to make medicines for aching joints, to bear and nurse children, like Sango, like the other women of the village are with their husbands! Although I'm sure I've mistaken it all along, you didn't leave me here so that I could learn to be a Woman for you, just so that I would learn to be a Human, so that I would be Safe here with your brother protecting me, so you could Forget about Me!"

"Rin, that's not what...that's not why," Sesshoumaru said in very soft, gentle voice now, and to her startled ears, it Almost sounded like he had made a plaintive whine, a Dog Noise she hadn't expected to meet her senses.

"So then Why Did you leave me here?!" she retorted icily, her pubescent horomones rousing an ire in her she'd never felt before as she whirled to fix her deep chocolate eyes on his rolling golden turmoil, stamping her foot on the ground with her demand of an answer.

"I...it wasn't to forget you, just that..." Sesshoumaru paused, his mouth open, but his yellow eyes faltered under her gaze, so he shut his mouth and turned his head, unable to find a way to refute what else she had just said.

"That's what I Thought," she muttered, turning around guiltily again, and with a long sigh that blew her bangs out of her hair, she unfolded her arms and lowered her head, "but of course, I am a Silly Girl, aren't I? To entertain the fantasy that You could ever fall in love with a Human, much less a pitiful little orphan peasant like me, I must be so Stupid."

"You're not stupid," he tried, but at failing to know what Else to say, his response sounded lame even to him as he lowered his head even more.

"Oh, but I Am," she insisted, wroth with herself now, upended in a frigid torrent of cold feelings she didn't understand, "I Am stupid to have thought, for even a moment of my life, that You would be willing to keep me by your side for the rest of it. To do anything other than run off to conquer the world, to slow down for the paltry speck of time a human life is to you, to stop and feel Love is Beneath you, isn't it?"

"Rin, that's not, I don't...you misunderstand," he huffed, and his voice cracked, just a bit, just enough to have an edge of pain, and guilt now washed over her like a wave of stormy surf at high tide, making her let out a long and haggard sigh as her fingers ran through her bangs.

"Nevermind, Lord Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I won't mention it again," she muttered and started to walk away, the flowers she had picked for him still resting at the trunk of the tree next to where he sat. His mind whirling with an inability to understand what was even an appropriate response or reaction, he simply watched her walk off, suppressing an urge to reach out or call her back. He felt that right now, if he tried to comfort her in this, she would read it wrong, and her mind had already apparently complicated this enough without that...

Of course, lost in thought as he was, he sat there for a little while, just staring at those flowers and letting her unexpected words whirl and curl around in his mind like parasitic worms, and he didn't notice at first that a certain hanyou was approaching him from downwind, where the scent was carried away and therefore harder to detect if he wasn't focusing, and he wasn't.

"Rin's not with you?" Inuyasha asked casually, jolting the taiyoukai out of his deep thoughts with an actual start, and he bristled and tensed.

"No," he replied stoicly, looking over at the hanyou, "why?"

"Curious, she's usually stuffed up your ass the whole time you're here," Inuyasha shrugged one shoulder at the defensive reaction he got, "but I guess maybe she had to go gather that milkweed floss or whatever, she's gotten to that age y'know. I'd hate to be a woman," he remarked idly.

"Hn," Sesshoumaru deigned to offer one syllable of noise as a response.

"You smell Bothered," Inuyasha said after a short pause, flicking one ear a bit lower with a delicate sniff.

"If I smell at all Bothered, then maybe it's You who's Bothering me," Sesshoumaru snapped and turned his head, one shoulder stiffening as he put up his guard and shied away from his younger brother.

"Keh! Well I thought maybe you'd wanna talk about it, but suit yourself," Inuyasha grumbled as his ears flicked low in disappointment, crossing his arms as he started to turn on one foot to-

"Inuyasha..." Sesshoumaru said in a low, unfamiliar tone, and Inuyasha paused and looked over at him expectantly.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe...maybe I was...already bothered, before you arrived."

"Mmm," Inuyasha flicked his ears a couple of times and turned to look at the taiyoukai casually, "I thought you might be."

"Humans are...very invested in indulging their emotions. Perhaps because their lives are so short, or their hearts so turbulent, they seem to want to live at lightning speed and fall to every fancy that crosses their minds. I don't understand them very well, little brother. Sometimes I don't understand them at all."

Inuyasha didn't miss any of that, but choosing wisely to stay his comment for a bit, he just nodded and sat down near his brother, resting his back gently along the side of the same tree, tucking his arms into his sleeves and crossing his legs as he pondered that thoughtfully.

"Yeah, humans are definitely Strange," Inuyasha finally said after a bit of contemplation, "especially the Females. I don't even understand the women half the time, and I came outta one, y'know. I take it you're having some kind of issue with one of the villagers then? Maybe Old Granny Kaede threatened to put a rosary on you like mine and you can't kill her cause Rin would cry about it?"

"Hn," Sesshoumaru snorted at that awful attempt at humor, which actually worked a little bit as his mind flashed out an image of the old miko Just Trying to get something like That around His neck, and then, "well, something just as complicated, maybe."

"Mm," Inuyasha nodded, and glancing over at the bouquet of flowers, he paused to study them thoughtfully for a minute, "Real Complicated, huh?"

"Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru sighed after a minute, his head low as he turned away even while he spoke, "I don't even know How to talk about it. I'm not accustomed to such familiar behavior, about such sensitive and...rather personal topics."

"Well, I'm feeling particularly magnanimous today, you don't have to worry about a lack of eloquence making me think you sound Egregious. Talk about it like you think about it, if you want," the hanyou snorted and shrugged one shoulder.

"You're feeling Magnanimous? Do you even know what that word means?" Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at that, surprised at the vernacular.

"Y'know, just because I talk with regular words so people understand me, doesn't mean I'm too stupid to know all those big words. Plus I've got this older brother, tall funny-lookin' scrawny dog who comes sniffin' around thinkin' he can kick my ass, always uses seventeen syllable words to try and intimidate me. I think it just makes him feel exponentially more intellectual than regular people, probably some insecurity there, he struggles with feelings sometimes, y'know, so I don't mind too much. We all have to compensate somehow. I got a big sword for my tiny cock."

Sesshoumaru just Stared at him over his shoulder, and Inuyasha snorted and flicked one ear and gave him a cheeky smile.

"You are incorrigible," Sesshoumaru huffed after a minute, deciding not to take offense to that, and with a small sigh, "but you're right."

"So you're insecure about something?"

"I mean you're right, that massive sword must have been left to you because Father knew you'd have a small dick."

"HAH! Least you're learning how to make a Joke. I didn't think humor was in your genes."

"Damare. I'll kill you, Inuyasha."

"Oh, is your sense of humor a Secret?"

"Only if you value your life."

"Soooo. What's up? You look like I just cut off your arm again."

"I think that would be Easier to deal with," Sesshoumaru sighed, and finally, giving Inuyasha a Serious Look, "can you keep a secret?"

"Sure, nobody'd believe me if I said you had a sense of humor anyways," Inuyasha snorted softly and gave a meaningful look in return.

Sesshoumaru eyed his younger brother for a long minute, studying his body language, and finally decided he could trust the hanyou with this.

Turning his head away again and pausing to take a breath, Sesshoumaru divulged what had just happened to his little brother, his voice soft and troubled, uncertainty tinging his words even as he tried to hide it.

"Rin asked me to make her my wife. She said she is a Woman now, and wants to love me as Women Love Men. I didn't even know what to say. I told her she was too young, but she said that it must be because she's human. She said that, that Love must be Beneath me," he huffed, and finding that suddenly his throat had grown tight, his voice had grown hoarse, he fell silent and tried to hide a small shudder as he turned his head.

"Oh Brother," Inuyasha agreed with a low sympathetic voice and a downward flick of his ears, "and, well just so I Know, do you think it's only her Age that bugs you about it?"

"I...Inuyasha, she's far too young for me to even ask myself if there's More to it than that. I don't Think it's because she's human, although I won't deny that it might be a complication, but not, not like...I don't think of it the same way I used to. They just age so fast, and with the world the way it is, well...I know things aren't...easy, for hanyou. Even if I hadn't been making it worse for you before, I can't say that I've ever heard tell of you having it Easy, Inuyasha."

"Uo, well, that's understandable," Inuyasha agreed softly, moving past the touch of guilt he felt, because he could tell his older brother felt like an asshole in several ways, and unlike years ago, he actually didn't want to make him feel worse right now, "and, I know you don't think of it the same way, I mean we made up, right? Talkin' like this kinda made that part a little obvious. But I get what you're sayin', that's one hell of a complication. She's what, eleven, twelve now?"

"I don't know exactly. She didn't remember her precise age after I found her, she was probably...seven? Eight? So...right. Eleven or twelve."

"That's kinda young even for Humans," Inuyasha scrunched up his nose a bit, "but I guess she thinks because she started to have that, that moon cycle bleeding thing, that makes her Old Enough. I guess by the standards of humans it's not Awful if she wants to. But that's not all, is it?"

"She...I care for her, Inuyasha, but not Like That. She's just a little girl. I guess I saw her as a stranded pup more than any other thing. I, she's like a, a niece or, well maybe, I mean I never thought of her in any way that would be-"

"You Love her, but like a Daughter, not like a future wife, right?"

"Right," Sesshoumaru exhaled softly, though he himself had struggled to say those words, he would not refute them now that Inuyasha said it.

"So what did she say when you told her that?"

"I couldn't even say that, I was too tongue-tied when she asked me, I wound up sounding like a fool," Sesshoumaru muttered and sighed.

"Well, that's good."

"Good?" Sesshoumaru snorted and looked over his shoulder at the hanyou with a deep frown, "Why?"

"Because females are crazy. You can't tell a girl that just said she's in Love with you that you think of her as a Daughter," Inuyasha snorted.

"You...can't?"

"Well, not if you value your life," Inuyasha parroted his brother's words from before, but his tone was gentle, subdued in a way, sympathetic.

"So then...I should not tell her the truth? That doesn't make much sense."

"Uh, well that's not Exactly what I meant," Inuyasha frowned as his ears twitched again, betraying his deep thoughts, "just that You can't say stuff like that To Her, 'cause, well to be honest, there's not a lot of logic behind it, females are just Weird like that. If you tell her to her face that you don't feel the same way about her, whatever else you say doesn't matter, is the best way I can explain that."

Sesshoumaru sighed and looked down at his boots, giving them a scowl as he realized Inuyasha was probably right. Females did seem to be rather the crazier sex, which was probably why he'd usually preferred males in the past. Which was neither here nor there really.

"So there's nothing I can do but suffer her feelings," Sesshoumaru finally concluded after a couple minutes of quiet, almost in a mutter.

"Hhhmmm...well, you can try something a little more...subtle. I mean if You tell her that you love her but only like a daughter, she'll feel all like, rejected and stuff. That doesn't mean Someone Else can't say it For You. Someone, someone Female. It couldn't be me, I'm an idiot in the middle of a conversation with a female. They don't make sense, they start talkin' funny and goin' on about things that have Nothing to do with what you were saying...but women have this like, this special power to make sense of each other's crazy, like a secret language they're all born with or somethin', and maybe if you talked to one of the women in the village, they might talk to her for you."

"That seems indirect, unnecessary, perhaps subversive, maybe even cowardly," Sesshoumaru snorted.

"Yup, that's why it's got a better chance of workin' than tellin' her yourself. Course, she's not really a Typical girl. Maybe you could just say it outright, but that's gonna make it real tough not to fall into the river of tears they always let out after you hurt their feelings. I fall for that one all the damn time."

"That's because Kagome hasn't been back for very long yet, you're still as soft as rice pudding when it comes to that miko."

"Oh, well if Rin crying and screaming at you that you don't love her wouldn't bother you, then go for it."

"I'll kill you, Inuyasha, I swear it."

Snorting at that softly, having long since understood that was Sesshoumaru's way of expressing things he otherwise wished not to say, Inuyasha breezed past the empty threat after a moment of pause to study his dejected older brother's slumped shoulders. He really had no clue, poor guy.

"I think if you talk to Granny Kaede and Sango-chan, they'll help you figure it out a little better. Rin's gotten real close to them these past few years, and if anyone knows what to do about a girl growing up into a young woman having these feelings for you like that, it's them. But if there's one thing I Can tell you, one thing you should Never do, one thing I Know..." here he paused to make sure he had Sesshoumaru's full attention, and when he saw the taiyoukai glance at him, he continued, "You Can't accuse her of Not Knowing what she feels. Even if it's True, she won't believe it. So when she says she Loves you, you can't just brush it off and say like, 'you just have a crush cause you're a silly little girl going through your early moon phases' or that kind of stuff. You'll just make her mad and then she'll think you're a jerk."

"Yet in all likelihood, that's surely what's happened," Sesshoumaru murmured, though Inuyasha heard the doubt in that tone as he Asked Himself, more than Spoke a Statement, whether or not this was really true of Rin's feelings now.

"Yeah, but d'ya think she'll Agree if you try to argue that point with her?"

"Mmm, I see what you mean," Sesshoumaru sighed for about the millionth time.

"She probably misread things when you brought her the new pink kimono, she hasn't put it on yet," Inuyasha finally said after a few minutes of their quiet reflection.

"Hm? Misread what? It's only a new kimono. I've given her new kimonos before."

Inuyasha looked to his side, glancing around the curve of the tree they were both leaning against, studying Sesshoumaru for a moment as he tried to think of how to respond without sounding like he was insulting his brother's intelligence.

"I dunno 'bout Youkai, or Moon Dogs, but for Humans, it's common for girls to be brought up to be wives of older men. Kinda strange if you ask me, but I guess they just figure it's Practical, y'know. Women get raised learning how to do the things men think of as qualities of a Good Wife. Cooking, cleaning, having kids, just part and parcel for a woman these days. Sometimes, noble families send for a girl, when she's about Rin's age, when she starts having a blood cycle, and that girl goes to live with the family of the boy or man she's s'posed to marry when she's older, so she can learn what makes Him Happy. Other times though...I think Most of the time a girl is still raised by her own family, but the suitor, he brings gifts to show his sincerity and manhood. Provisions, pretty clothes he wants to see her wearing, y'know, that way he proves he's a provider, proves he's a Good Man. You probably thought you were just doing what a Father does, or a, a Life-Saver anyhow. But in Human Custom, that's kind of...kind of what a future husband might do in a case like yours."

"Ooohhhh I hadn't even been Thinking of That!" Sesshoumaru groaned in a voice Inuyasha had never heard, and it might have made him laugh if it hadn't instead made him cringe and flatten his pointed ears back nearly to his skull as he heard the lamentations therein.

"Uo, that's still not too hard to understand and explain. Maybe, maybe you don't Really Need another woman to say it For You, if you think that would come off as cowardly, but maybe you should ask Kaede and Sango How to talk to Rin about it, without upsetting her too much. If she really thought all this time you were trying to groom her to be your wife, it might not be just a simple passing crush that just started."

"Every time you open your wretched hanyou mouth, little brother, you point out things that make it worse. Why do I talk to you?"

"Uh, you usually Don't, not about anything serious anyways. This is probably why," Inuyasha snorted softly, a tiny blush creeping on his face as he added, "Sorry, Big Brother."

Looking over his shoulder to hover on the meaningfulness of that soft admission, Sesshoumaru paused to take in the fact that Inuyasha really was being a rather generous and kind little brother right now, despite everything that Sesshoumaru himself had put the hanyou through before.

"Don't apologize," Sesshoumaru said softly, "believe it or not, you're helping. Thanks for that, little brother."

"Keh! I just don't wanna hear girls crying all the time, hurts my ears. They're Sensitive, y'know."

"Uo. Sure," Sesshoumaru snorted, turning his head again to look back at his boots as he suppressed another sigh that he refused to allow to get free of it's prison within his chest at the moment, "so, can I ask a...a silly question?"

"Sure," Inuyasha shrugged one shoulder, gazing out across the scenery before him as his ears turned towards his brother's voice.

"If you were in my boots, what would you do, Inuyasha?"

"I'd take 'em off and walk around barefoot for a week so my feet could breathe," Inuyasha snickered softly, but at the taiyoukai's bristle, "I mean, gimme a minute to think. Asshole reflex gets the better of me sometimes, you made it too easy."

"Hn," Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes and suffered the sleight without protest, actually having found it to be mildly witty after a moment.

"I think," Inuyasha said after about five minutes of thinking it over good and hard, "I would have broken her heart already, because I'm not at all like you and I blurt out stupid things when I get put on the spot like that. And see, the problem is...well, now don't get Mad at me when I say this, I don't think you're a Pervert or anything, but one day she Will be a Grown Woman. And I never saw you really have the same kind of strong emotions about anyone else like you show for her. Maybe I just didn't know you well enough to see that, but if you really don't know if you'd feel different if she were older or not, maybe that changes the way you wanna talk to her about it. You know she's gonna ask, right? If all you say is that she's too young, she'll ask if you promise that when she's Older...you have to Prepare for That Question. And nobody else would judge you for whatever you answer, right? Cause, well, they don't judge Me, and I'm just a stray hanyou who get let off his tree. But at least for now, you know you wouldn't want to do anything with a little girl, and she's still a little girl to you, whether she's bleeding like a woman or not. I guess, I guess if I were you right now, I'd be talking to me too, and right about now I'd be like...Gee you're So Helpful!"

"Gee, you're So Helpful," Sesshoumaru sighed, mimicking the hanyou's sarcastic self-jab with a slightly lackluster voice, releasing the sigh he had held before as the weight of their conversation settled on him like a heavy pack on his shoulders, tightening his chest just a bit.

"Yeah, I know," Inuyasha sighed in return, "it's gonna be difficult no matter what anyone else tells you, but at least you ask. That's pretty brave of you, y'know. I usually don't have the balls to do it, s'why I get planted into the ground like a fresh seed all the time."

"Hn! Brave. You compliment me for asking for your help, but that is more a sign of pity than admiration. I'll take the pity this time though, little brother. I think I might just feel woefully outmatched enough to call it pitiful."

"Well, we call that Sympathy. It's when you pity someone kindly so you don't wanna offend 'em by callin' it Pity."

"Astute," Sesshoumaru agreed with that rather accurate observation, idly noting that he'd never realized Inuyasha was this Keen before.

"Well," after a few minutes Inuyasha flicked his ears and looked over his shoulder at the pensive taiyoukai, "it's getting a little late, and I should go check on the other side of the village by the taijiya bone pile, sometimes it draws in a few unwanted pests. If you need me to save you from a wandering skunk, I'll be around," he said casually as he stood and started to stroll away, sensing the taiyoukai wanted to be alone.

"Uo, shouldn't I be the one offering to save You from skunks, if you're going off looking for pests?"

"With Your Nose? Keh!"

"Hn!" Sesshoumaru snorted and rolled his eyes again, and Inuyasha smiled at him, ears flipping slightly higher as he walked toward the village.

For a long while Sesshoumaru sat there, looking at the bouquet of flowers Rin had brought him before she'd walked him up here to speak with him alone. He thought that over as he reviewed the day, from the moment he'd arrived until night had fallen.

She had been a little odd today, he recalled, though now he was sure he knew why. She'd been bubbly, but a bit reserved, blushing and giggling at his back with inexplicable glee, then at once growing quiet for minutes at a time, just studying him curiously, then skipping along to tell him about the medicinal properties of the plant he had been looking towards in his distant gaze...

He tried to imagine what it had been like for her to spend all day figuring out how to approach him, planning her words carefully, choosing the flowers she picked with astute attentions to the strength of their scent or the beauty of their petals, stilling herself, excited, fearful...

He probably should have seen it sooner, he realized, he probably should have Known this would happen if he kept associating with her on such a familiar level, let himself indulge all of her whimsy...

But, he asked himself, was it Really Just Because she's far too Young to entertain that notion?

For the sake of her sincerity, though it made him grimace to try and put himself in such a mindset, he tried to imagine her as a Grown Woman, he shut his eyes and tried to picture her in a shapelier, taller, more voluptuous form. His face furrowing into a scowl as he felt a bristle against his own nature at the thought of how perverted that felt, he pushed it aside and reminded himself, gently, that he wasn't thinking of doing anything Now, just asking himself if Her Age was the Only Thing that bothered him about this.

Yet try as he might, that obstacle wasn't one he could comfortably overcome, and with a sigh and a shake of his head, he watched the sun rise over the eastern hills now, touching his golden gaze with fiery hues that would have made a monarch butterfly trade their wings for the color.

He paused to look at the bouquet of flowers, then picked them up gently, bowing his head and closing his eyes to take a deep whiff.

"Oh Rin...I don't know what to do," he whispered, and with a heavy ragged exhale, he opened his eyes and rose to his feet, bouquet dangling in his clutch as he strode towards Sango and Miroku's house. Inuyasha's advice surely wasn't so bad after all.

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Aaaawkward! I'm sorry. No, wait. I'm NOT sorry. You either like it or hate it already. There are NO GUARANTEES HERE! Let me know with a review if you care to give me your opinion. Read on for more fun. It will probably Not go the way you might Think it will.