Love and Bacon Chapter 6: Applesauce, an inuyasha fanfic

A/N:. I'm too cruel and I have no justification for it. Read at the risk of your own sanity.

Note: There's kind of a lot of visual blotting with the bold and italics emphasis here, but I was trying to convey the sharp rise and fall of the pitches and tones in the conversations and thoughts conveyed when I was doing that during especially key moments. I try not to overdo that most of the time but here it was nearly-deliberate because the emotions imparted were also meant to feel almost jarringly emphasized more than usual. Just Go With It!

Mini-Glossary of Armor Terms (for those who may be slightly confused)

Pauldron = large shoulder-guard like the spiky one Sesshoumaru's got on his armor

Carapace = upper solid chestplate on armor like Sesshoumaru's, or also could technically refer to an armadillo's shell (but not in this story)

Cuisse = lower half of lighter armor like Sesshoumaru's, the plates that attach to the top half and protect the upper legs. Often attached together in one piece with a sort of waistband part, which we assume for the sake of this story that's what the design is here. It's never explicitly stated as far as I'm aware. Feel free to argue in a review.

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"What others find ugly, or simple, or useless, can hold the greatest treasures, so by that virtue is also beautiful," Rin repeated to herself as she trod carefully along with her wooden sandals, not exactly used to making a habit of footwear, but she wanted to show that she was indeed a Grown Woman, and most Grown Women did not wear their finest while they were barefoot, or at least, she didn't Think so. So she'd pulled on a pair of pure white tabi socks and put on the wooden sandals and done her hair and makeup and dressed herself to impress, and now she would be waiting for Lord Sesshoumaru to be alone once again, so she could prove to him once and for all that she was a Woman, Dammit!

The way she figured, he must have kept the bouquet for a Reason.

Now of course, of Course if he told Kaede he kept it because I'd taken extra pains to put it together, well that must have been his clever way of explaining why it was Really Important to him, and if he kept it and put it in a clay cup after that, and said something So Beautiful about it like he did, well then, well then Maybe he was just Surprised, I mean after all, I've never said anything like That before.

But maybe, maybe keeping the bouquet means he's accepting that symbol of my undying love for him, and that his heart is just shy, too shy to be the one to take me first, maybe he thinks I don't really know Exactly what it means to Be A Woman, that I'm just naive and immature, but I know what it Means to be a Woman!

Oh, he thinks, He Thinks I'm too young to have seen anything, too Innocent to know what happens that gets women pregnant. Lord Sesshoumaru must not really believe that I can handle that, he must think I'm fragile, or weak, or faint of heart, that he couldn't expect me to know what it is that I was really saying. I don't need him to Show Me, though. I hear all the other women gossip, I know what they're talking about when they make their silly little innuendoes. Oh, needing to Tenderize Meat Indeed! Sheathing Swords! Polishing Spears! Plowing Fields! I'm not Stupid!

Sighing at herself, Rin shifted her arms and adjusted the set of her shoulders slightly, being extra careful not to move too much, to try and exhude Grace, and Femininity, and Daintiness, and Delicateness, and-

There! She spied Lord Sesshoumaru leaving...Inuyasha's house? Oh, that was Right, they were making Bacon today. She had seen her Lord go and sneak off a slice or two in the past through the window as he'd walked by their house on a Bacon day, but apparently today he'd gone inside to eat more than just one slice.

But did that mean he'd talked to Kagome, and if so, what did they say? Was Kagome right about how he felt, did she Know already, or was she just Guessing about it?

But surely, Surely-! Unlike Kagome, who was from the future and didn't understand customs of their era at times, Rin was sure that Lord Sesshoumaru had known what he was doing all along. It was common for suitors to want a girl to be raised to tailor to Him, and of course he was being awful Noble about her youth Now, but she was still sure...all the signs were there. He'd never really come over to the village just to hang out with the others very much, he'd been very sweet and indulgent at every visit, had brought gifts, including the kinds of kimonos he might like to see on her, things that suited His sense of fashion.

Though if she were to be honest with herself, where in the World did he Get that sense of fashion? Not that he didn't make it Work, but the look he pulled off was something of a radical feat in itself, between the female-cut sleeves of the top half of his outfit, the Chinese style of his armor, and the bright purple-yellow sash that matched nothing else on his person, it was a wonder it all looked so good.

But then again, this is Lord Sesshoumaru. Anything would look good on him. Or, she thought deviously now, perhaps Nothing At All, would look Very Good On Him. She had caught sight of him in the middle of a bath by accident one night, although at that age she hadn't yet been a Woman and so hadn't thought of him the same way, but the image hadn't left her mind. She hadn't seen anything below the waist, he'd been halfway in the water already and had been brushing out his hair, but she'd seen the curve of his unhidden muscles, the stripes creeping up along his ribs and back that matched the ones on his wrists, the perfection of his body that now tantalized her mind with want...

He was going, she realized, towards his favorite Thinking Spot around here. There was one particular old tree that sat on the far hill and had a great view of the village below, yet from the village most couldn't see very well what was going on at the tree, the viewing angle was all wrong. It afforded both a fantastic vantage and a modicum of something like privacy from the prying eyes and ears of the rest of the village, which was likely why it was his favorite. She knew the path around the edge of the woods that led to the back of this tree, and would hide her approach visually for all but the last dozen yards or so, as the sun was going down now and it would be dark before she would make her way there.

Rin smiled as she started to walk that way, careful to keep her steps steady and mind that her feet didn't trip in the unfamiliar sandals...

Sesshoumaru had been a little embarrassed with himself once he realized he'd wolfed down four huge plates of bacon, probably near ten pounds of it all in one sitting. To be honest he probably could have eaten more, but his stomach had stopped clawing at him and his manners had finally leashed his Dog, so he'd excused himself with a simple but meaningful expression of thanks and made haste to get far enough away to keep his accursed nose from sniffing incessantly. He almost couldn't help it otherwise, the stuff was just too good. Something about how they cured the pig in that brinewater and fried it made it ten times more irresistible than regular old Boar Meat.

Settling himself down in his favorite spot leaning on his favorite tree in this vicinity, Sesshoumaru sighed and smirked at himself just a bit, in a way, without thinking it in words, admitting to himself that visiting his Little Brother's for dinner had actually been quite pleasant.

Sniffing softly as he still tasted the grease of the bacon on his tongue, he examined his claws curiously to see if he'd gotten every last bit of flavor off them, or if he could find another drop. Inuyasha had told him he didn't have to go, there was plenty more, and in truth he was so tempted right now, so very very tempted, because he could surely stuff at least one more plateful into his greedy gullet before he...

Catching himself being a Dog again, Sesshoumaru snorted and rolled his eyes, and when he did, a little daisy nearby caught his eye, and he saw it looking almost like it was laughing at him. Recalling that once upon a time, he'd come back from his travels to find Jaken plucking off the petals of such a flower, asking himself if Sesshoumaru was teasing him, or testing Tenseiga, right after he'd swatted the little imp with it, he chuckled as he thought of his earlier statement. Picking the flower as he allowed his sense of humor to slip out again, he teased himself, his mood lightened by a bellyful of bacon, the scent still heady in his Giddy Dog side of his brain. It was almost euphoric, in a mild way.

"Bacon loves me, bacon loves me not," he chuckled, for, he thought to himself, he knew he loved bacon, so there was no need to question that.

Right about as the sun's last rays slipped below the horizon, he plucked the last petal, and it fluttered in the breeze as he chuckled, "oh, how sad. Bacon loves me Not," and let the stem and bare head fall to the ground, landing on the raised tree root next to him.

No sooner did this happen than his attention was instantly to his back left, a soft snap of a tiny twig alerting him to the sound of clunky wooden sandals trying to approach softly, and a delicate sniff told him it was Rin before she'd left from the shadow of the treeline.

To call this feeling Dread wouldn't be exactly Accurate. Dread was what he felt when he thought Magatsuhi might actually be able to kill him faster than he could heal himself, before Bakusaiga had manifested of his own spirit. This was not Dread, this feeling was nothing like that.

He preferred Dread.

But, steeling himself and reminding himself of everything everyone had been telling him all day, which was mostly...brace for impact, and give up on sanity, if he were to boil it down to the essential messages, he kept his gaze serene and took a slow deep breath as she approached, not yet truly brave enough to watch her walk all those several steps over.

"Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin's voice had a strange edge to it, something he'd never heard before, a depth she was trying to add, a tone she was-

And when he turned his head to look at her, he tensed and half-started, eyes growing wide as he failed to immediately understand, at first, what exactly was going on here.

"R-Rin," he stammered, "you, you...wh-what, how...?"

Her hair was down in waves across her shoulders, side-tail gone and brushed in with the rest of her hair. The pink kimono he'd most recently gotten for her was cinched tight at the waist with a large lovely bow in her sash tied around back. Her face was painted up with a look not so unlike a geisha, except she hadn't had all the white to do it with. Her lips were bright red, her eyes had dark masking lines around them of black and blue, a tiny dot of a false sunspot rested on her cheek, and pinkish circles rubbed into her cheekbones flushed her face with colors. Oh so many colors. Oh and that wasn't all, that wasn't even what had stunned him the most. He Knew she didn't start with Breasts this morning, and how a girl could Grow Those so fast was far beyond him, he wasn't aware of such a power among humans anyways, but there they were, two handfuls of budding bosom that had been flat as a floorboard just a few hours ago...

"Do you like it?" she giggled and strode over with mincing steps, and he was blushing dark red now, mouth shut, mind blank, lectures forgotten, male brain and dog brain both completely flabbergasted at how to handle this. Clearly she was going to flirt with him again, only this time she had tried to step it up, and now, NOW if he turned down This, but oh, if he Didn't curb her budding romantic crush-

"I, uh, w-well that, that is, th-the paint looks like you were c-copying geisha," he stuttered lamely, cursing his damned Gut for all of it's Indigestion as his brain farts stunk up all his common sense and wit.

"I tried," she chuckled, finding his shyness to be adorable, for she severely misunderstood it right now, "and, do you want to know something else? I thought about what you said, and I realized something. You must think, when you say I'm too young, that I don't Really Know what it is to be a Woman. But I'm not a foolish child anymore, Lord Sesshoumaru. I may still be pure, but I have helped Kaede deliver babies, I know where they come from and how they get there, I have helped with the injuries of men suffering from wartime wounds and farming accidents and hunting mishaps, men who need to be stripped down to tend to gashes on their legs, I know what the organ-"

"No, no, Rin, it's not that at-well it is, but it's not-oh confound it all, Rin, I don't care if you Know it, that doesn't mean I want to Do it with you! You're just a Little Girl! There's no way a Little Girl could please me like that!" he groaned, too flustered and disgusted to use words that had careful thoughts behind them, blurting out what he felt in haste.

"If I were still a Little Girl," Rin leaned in now, reaching her hand boldly towards him, "would I do This?!" and she gripped the end of his sash and yanked swiftly, undoing the knot and bow in one motion and starting to lean herself towards-

"Rin, are you Crazy?!" he yipped, leaping to his feet, but when he did, his swords clattered to the ground, and as he hurriedly fumbled with his sash, his jostling against the armor, pressing it inwards with shaking nervous hands, rattled at one of the clasps underneath that secured it to the top carapace, and so his cuisse fell to the ground and half-splayed around his ankles. Hackles raising as he felt it slip, he bent a bit to reach and draw that part up again, but when he touched the waistline of it, he found Rin's hand there already, and this surprised him, and he tried to take a step back, but in his thoughtless haste, his foot caught on the round band of the cuisse, and he stumbled and fell, in the most undignified way, right on his ass.

"Crazy? Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru, I'm crazy, crazy in love with you that is!" she smiled and pounced, almost catlike in her enthusiasm, taking a full advantage of his dumbfounded sprawl to put herself right on top of him, knees on either side of his waist, straddling him like she really thought she was going to be a Grown Woman Tonight.

"Rin, you can't, I can't, I won't, you don't, don't you dare!" he whined, eyes widening with a sort of curious terror he'd never felt before as she started to pout with the Lower Lip look, "that doesn't Work for this!" he shrieked, squirming in an attempt to Dislodge her but without Hurting her, feet still hung on the cuisse band, knees restricted from moving enough to kick it away by her presence, "Get off, get off, Get OFF! RRIINN!" but she only wrapped her body around him and tucked in low, like she was hugging herself to him, and whispered to him softly.

"Don't you mean, Get On?" she asked deviously, and with a whimper, Sesshoumaru tried to bodily push himself out of her grasp, frantic and head devoid of all real common sense in this panicky moment, and the way he tried to do this was silly really, he started pushing and wriggling like he was a snake trying to moult a skin, as if perhaps he could slip out of his armor's carapace while she clung to it or something. This was not only ineffective, but actually amused Rin, who felt emboldened by the knowledge that here she was, little Rin, pinning the Mighty Sesshoumaru to the ground-although, He didn't seem too Pleased about it, not Really-

"Lord SESSHOUMARU! What are you two Doing?!" Kohaku gasped, having thought he heard some kind of indistinct commotion from this way.

Rin gasped and looked over, hastily climbing to her feet as the stunned taiyoukai just balked at the ten million thoughts clawing the inside of his skull right now.

"Kohaku, I, it's not, I didn't, she was trying to, but I, it's not what you-"

"I'm Sure It's Not," Kohaku said icily, in a tone that clearly stated he didn't buy it, and then he gave Rin a sad look, "Rin, I-"

"Kohaku, you were Wrong, he doesn't like Any of it," Rin snarled and lowered her head, reaching into her chest flap, and pulled out an apple, whirled around, threw it right at Sesshoumaru, screaming, "I even tried to make my BREASTS look bigger for you!" and turned back to stomp off.

The apple smashed on his armor, part of it splattering onto his lower chin and neck. Kohaku gave the taiyoukai a scathing, reproving glare, as he eyed the cuisse slipped past his waist, then the sash, then the swords off to the side, and his posture, and then turned with a snort to follow Rin.

"Oh, no," Sesshoumaru groaned after about eight seconds of total utter shock wore off, "what Now?!"

And kicking the cuisse off the edge of his boot for a moment, then snarling as his upper apple-covered carapace slipped further out of place after all his thrashing around, he yanked that off as well, furiously swiped the apple off his chin, then sighed and hung his head in defeat.

Kami, come and kill me now, I swear I won't fight it tonight!

"You look..." Inuyasha paused as he looked at his bleary-eyed brother, "like shit."

He'd sensed some kind of problem, a shift in the air perhaps, or a scent or sound he detected even from inside the house full of bacon and far from the path Rin and Kohaku had taken as they walked away from Sesshoumaru, and had strolled up to find his brother standing there, looking as lost as any stray motherless puppy right about now.

"Inuyasha, remember how you used to swear you'd kill me one day?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Can you make it quick and painless?"

"Uuuoooo, that bad? Well, if you insist," Inuyasha shrugged and drew Tetsusaiga, expecting the joke to end there.

To his surprise, Sesshoumaru just eyed him for a second, then sighed heavily, shut his eyes, lifted his chin, and spoke mocking last words.

"Tell my mother she's a crazy old bitch, and have Jaken burn my body until there's nothing but bones."

"Do you need a Hug?" Inuyasha raised an eyebrow and sheathed Tetsusaiga, not sure how else he should even answer that kind of dark sad humor.

"Need, no. But right about now, nothing could get any-wait, I won't say it. I'd jynx it. Forget I even started to."

Flicking his ears very briefly at that, Inuyasha decided, well if Sesshoumaru was going to bare his throat, even in jest...

"Then don't say it," Inuyasha agreed, and whirling just so, he swept one arm wide and flung the other out, and drew both in fast to crush his Big Brother in a big hug.

Despite the offer he'd made, Sesshoumaru was actually shocked that Inuyasha would really Hug him, but in that moment, his desperation, and his little brother's sincerity, chipped away an iceberg of coldness from his stoic heart, and he found himself clutching back and slightly shaking.

Feeling that tremble, Inuyasha squeezed harder and harder until he felt Sesshoumaru's back crinkle and pop, until he was clenching them both so tightly together that he himself could hardly breathe, and he didn't let go for almost five minutes, when Sesshoumaru finally reached one hand up from his back and very gently rubbed at an ear, and just tall enough to be the perfect height to do so, he whispered into it softly.

"Mushy hanyou brat," he breathed very softly, and though the words were insulting, the tone was one of perfect adoration, or admiration, or at least something very close to both, mingled in there with his troubled tone that belied just how much this was screwing with his head.

Taking this to mean Sesshoumaru wanted him to let go now, Inuyasha snorted and squeezed harder, flicking both ears high.

"Leech-bitten son of a bitch. You smell like you cried. The hell happened?"

"I don't Cry, stupid hanyou, I don't even have tears to shed," Sesshoumaru lied and sniffed reflexively, and yes, there was the scent, he'd of course forgotten that when he used Mokomoko-sama to catch the few tears he had actually shed in the time since Rin had stormed off...

"Mmm, then it's the bacon salt. Want more bacon?"

"Not yet. Later. My stomach is upset now. Not from bacon," he added, though he probably didn't need to.

"So," Inuyasha finally released his hold, and having broken that tough shell of Emotional Expression around his brother's exterior, he saw, for probably the very first time in his entire life, a moment where his strong, fearless, powerful, intimidating, courageous taiyoukai Big Brother, looked weak, terrified, hopeless, miserable, and ready to just run. It was more than the fact that his armor was off and his sash was tied odd. Inuyasha could catch a whiff of sex fluids from a mile away, so he was certain nothing had happened other than some strange story he was sure to hear tell of as to why That Was, but the fact that it had been off wasn't the only thing making his brother look vulnerable right now. His Eyes were whirling with potent and volatile emotions, hot molten lava bubbling up with an intensity that matched the tremble in his nerves, "tell me who stole your sweet roll, and I'll find 'm and kick his ass."

"Oh Inuyasha, you have no idea how much more complicated it just got. I thought it was complicated before. What am I going to do Now?!"

"I dunno, but tell me what's so complicated now and maybe I will," Inuyasha shrugged at that.

"Rin, she, oh that Crazy little Female, she tried to Seduce me!" he moaned and hung his head, running his fingers through his bangs, "She went and dolled herself up with makeup and put on that new pink kimono and she stuffed Apples in a cloth over her chest to look like, to look like bigger breasts, and she started untying my sash-! I tried to get her to stop, but when I stood up I was too nervous to think about how she'd just yanked my sash loose, and so my swords fell off my side, and I tried to tie the sash but then my cuisse fell off the clasps on the top of my armor, and I tried to pick it up but she was Right There, RIGHT THERE-! And I tried to back up, but she was too close, and stupid stupid Me, I wasn't paying attention to my feet, for One Time in my Whole Life- I tried to take a step back and tripped over my own cuisse and fell on my ass, and she jumped on me like a, like a cat! She practically Pounced! And then she tried, tried to, to wrap herself around me like she wasn't going to let go until I let her try to, to, to...well I didn't want to hurt her, I was, I sort of, I was so nervous I panicked, and I was just pushing, trying to shove myself away out from under her, like, I don't know, I wasn't even Thinking, I just wanted her off of me, it was so So wrong...and then right in the middle of THAT, Kohaku must've heard something, I mean I was probably screaming like a little girl at that point and he saw, he came up here and saw...it looked So Bad, Inuyasha! She was right on top of me and I didn't have my sash or my cuisse, and I was squirming around trying to get away and yelling out her name and telling her to get off, and Kohaku, he asked what we were doing, and she, well she jumped up and told him he was wrong, that everything he said wasn't Working on me, or something like that, and then she, she screamed at me that she even tried to make her breasts look big and she threw one of the apples out of her chest flap right at me! And that look on Kohaku's face, of course He didn't believe I hadn't done anything...oh what the Fuck Inuyasha! These, these Females, they're Nothing but Trouble!"

"Oh My Dog," Inuyasha snickered softly, "those kids are Evil, Big Brother. Shoulda sic'd 'em on you back when we were fighting, if I knew it would be this easy for 'em to tie your tongue and your feet so fast."

"Oh Shut UP that's not even Funny!" Sesshoumaru whined and punched Inuyasha in the arm, to which Inuyasha gave a sympathetic look and a flick of one ear, though it was clear he was trying very hard to suppress the amusement that thinking it over must have conjured up in him.

"S-sorry," Inuyasha slipped a snort and tried to disguise it with a sniff, "I know, I know, I wouldn't find it funny if it were me either. But hearing you talk about it is...well I can't even picture the look on your face, I'm just sure you haven't looked that way in Years."

"I hate you Inuyasha, go away," Sesshoumaru snarled, though he didn't mean it in the slightest.

"Want a jaw shot?" Inuyasha offered, lifting his chin and tilting his head slightly.

Sesshoumaru frowned and scowled at him, and decided, well-

"OOWWW! Better now?"

"A little," Sesshoumaru sighed and slumped a bit, his back resting against the tree as he shut his eyes and shook his head, "What the Hell! And so now Kohaku thinks that Rin and I, that I, with Rin-and SHE thinks that all I'm worried about, is whether or not she Knows what she's doing, she started to tell me that she was Well Aware of what the male organ was for, since she's been helping with medicines and delivering babies, I don't even know, I can't even fathom...what am I supposed to do NOW?!"

"If I knew the answer to that, you probably would have already thought of it first," Inuyasha snorted softly, rubbing his jaw as he felt a bit of a bruise forming, but he was sure it would heal up in a few hours, "man, you sure you don't have a curse on you or somethin' today? Did you go scoffing at a swamp witch last week or what?"

"It must be that," Sesshoumaru agreed half-heartedly, and his plaintive voice, so uncharacteristic of him, sounded to Inuyasha almost like he'd suppressed a whimper from escaping him as he curled a bit into himself, shoulders scrunching in, head dipping low...

"Hey, uh, you wanna go uhm...walk around? You uh, well, your armor looks a little sticky, I could help you scrub it off."

Sesshoumaru let out a ragged heavy sigh, blew out a long breath that ruffled his bangs, and gave the hanyou a torn look.

"You're a prude, you uncouth mutt. You Laughed at me," he sniffed, not sure why that was what he'd chosen to say, or if he'd even thought that before he said it, his mind was so addled right now that the words were tumbling out like water in a stream, unbidden, unhindered.

"You woulda been tempted to laugh at me too, if you had a Real sense of humor," Inuyasha snorted, "and don't lie and say you wouldn't."

Thinking that over briefly, Sesshoumaru sighed and rolled his eyes, admitting to himself that, of course, Inuyasha was Right. Much to his own chagrin, the taiyoukai was not too stupid to realize just how amusing it was for the hanyou to think of how it must have looked when Rin had him so flustered and flabbergasted that he'd tripped on his own feet and fallen on his ass.

"Humor? What's that?" he finally offered weakly, and Inuyasha snorted and smirked at him, and before Sesshoumaru said anything else, Inuyasha knelt slightly to pick up his brother's armor carapace, wiped some of the apple mush off it, and slung it over his shoulder, one hand curled around the inner curve of the spiked pauldron, cuisse in his other hand dangling at his side as he started to head towards the stream.

Following Inuyasha with beads of tension bouncing around inside his skull and shredding his sanity, Sesshoumaru halted Inuyasha just as he'd knelt to start scrubbing the apple off, and knelt beside him, gently taking his armor away from his little brother.

"Here, thanks, but I'll do it myself," he said quietly, suddenly abashed and nearly, startlingly, nearly at the cusp of tears from the way his little brother was being just So Kind this whole time, ever since this problem had cropped up, being just the Best Little Brother...

"Uo, okay," Inuyasha understood, flicking his ears slightly as he let the carapace slip from his hand and watched for a moment while Sesshoumaru started to scrub furiously at the sticky fruit sugar splashed across the upper front of it, sniffing and blinking rapidly as he did so.

"This is such a mess, Inuyasha. What have I gotten myself into?"

"Just a little bit of applesauce," Inuyasha snorted softly, settling back to adjust himself, crossing his legs and tucking his arms into his sleeves as he watched the taiyoukai pause and lower his head with a sigh and a shutting of his eyes, ceasing his scrubbing for a moment.

"I must deserve this, probably, this is Probably some dose of a well-earned punishment Karma has caught me with, to remind me of how awful I've been to you in the past, and here you are being so kind to me now...and of all the things that have happened since last night, I can't say I expected your kindness any more than I expected Rin's craziness. I'm sorry if I don't know how to show my appreciation for you, Inuyasha."

"Keh! Mushy taiyoukai princess," Inuyasha ventured to reach one hand out of his sleeve and poke at his brother's ribcage with one claw, but his tone was soft, and his ears subdued, ambergris eyes slowly lighting in a subtle smile, "you don't have to keep saying that, we're Guys y'know."

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes to look down at that one claw as it drew back slowly, then followed it up to meet Inuyasha's gaze, torrid golden hurt and confusion meeting the soft honey hues of the comforts of his younger sibling.

"I've been mistaken for a woman before," he finally replied after about a minute, and Inuyasha smiled slightly at that, one ear flicked high.

"Yeah, you are kinda girly, for a man anyways. You even wear a woman's shirt. Course it suits you, with all that princess hair of yours."

"You have no appreciation for fashion, you're just a heathen savage mutt, a dirty hanyou dog, you crude brute," Sesshoumaru sniffed and ran his fingers through his hair, flicking out the ends fancifully with a gesture of vanity, and Inuyasha snuckled a bit more at him.

"Least I don't get my ass grabbed by drunk men anytime I walk into a bar," was the cheeky retort he offered.

"You know, there's not much of a downside to screwing around with other men. They're not as crazy as Women," Sesshoumaru sighed, looking down at his carapace in his hands again, resuming scrubbing at it with a much less neurotic pace and motion.

"If I thought I could get used to another cock in the middle'a fuckin', I mighta given it a try before, but I'm a jealous dog, I have to be the only one with all the balls," Inuyasha chuckled in reply, a deep blush spreading across his face as he tried not to sound embarrassed.

"Maybe you should find yourself a eunuch, some of them clip off their pouch and leave nothing but the shaft," Sesshoumaru shrugged, wondering why he'd just said that as he himself felt a tiny blush barely graze his cheekbones as he gave this most unserious suggestion.

"Hah! Well I get jealous of all the sticks too," Inuyasha replied with an outright giggle, ears flicking a few times at this nervous but oddly calming banter between them, "so, by the time they chop it all off, then they're just women with one less hole, y'know, so...doesn't work."

"Maybe That's what I should do, it would solve this problem," Sesshoumaru sighed in cynical self-mockery.

"What, chop it all off? Want some help?" Inuyasha offered, thumbing Tetsusaiga with his left hand as if he'd pop it from the sheath to draw.

"Tie me up when I'm asleep first," Sesshoumaru snorted and rolled his eyes, "I think it would hurt a little more if I was awake and watching."

"Mmm, okay, but only for you, Big Brother," Inuyasha agreed facetiously, moving his hand away from the sword.

"What am I going to Do, Little Brother? This hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper," Sesshoumaru groaned again after another minute or so, pulling his now-cleaned carapace out of the stream, inspecting it for any remains of apple as he took a delicate sniff to see if any of those fruit sugars had slipped by his touch.

"Hhmmmm," Inuyasha frowned, "something you said before kinda just jogged a thought loose between my ears," he mumbled, "what did you say she said to Kohaku right when she threw the apple at you?"

"Uhm," Sesshoumaru blushed at the mere recollection, but frowning to think it over, "she said, she said...'Kohaku, you're wrong, he doesn't like any of that,' or something like that. I think. Honestly little brother, my head was rolling around like Hakudoushi chopped it off to peek into the Netherworld, I'm not sure that's Exactly it, but it's close. Now that you Mention it though...do you think Kohaku said something to suggest to her that seduction was what would work on men?"

"No, I think he's just now starting to realize why she asked him all those questions, and he's gonna try like, Comforting her 'cause she'll be all upset, but he's gonna realize after she starts bawling her face off and pouring her feelings out that it wasn't Him she was talking about all along, and he'll feel awful stupid for misreading all her questions about Grown Women and being a Wife to a Grown Man."

"Oooohhhhhh," Sesshoumaru realized, and then, with a deeper, much sadder tone as he REALIZED, "ooohh. Poor kid," he huffed, his own misery just slightly abated as he thought over how Kohaku had been so happy earlier when he thought Rin was flirting with Him, not realizing that she was asking those things because of her trust in him and her crush on Sesshoumaru...

"So," Inuyasha winked over at Sesshoumaru now with a devious mischief lighting his face, "that should Enlighten her, show her who the Right Man for Her is. Kohaku is a good boy, he won't be selfish about it, he'll be Understanding, he'll be Gentle...but then he'll talk to Sango. Let's go talk to her first, before they get done, so she's not given the wrong story," he snickered, and seeing the sense in that, Sesshoumaru grew a bit red in the face and nodded, rising from his scrubbing and shaking the water off his armor slightly.

"Here, hold these just a minute for me," he murmured absently, letting the spiked pauldron slip to hang from his elbow as he pulled his swords out of his sash, handing them to Inuyasha as he quickly undid the knot and let his Mokomoko-sama catch the sash as it fell. Then, slipping the carapace over his head, the fluff moving itself expertly out of the way with familiar motions, he reached and took hold of the cuisse in his brother's other hand, pulled that up and clasped it all together, and re-tied his sash the right way, carefully eying the length of the long loops that laid along his sides to make sure they were even before he would pull the bow snug.

Slightly surprised that Sesshoumaru had so freely pressed Tenseiga and Bakusaiga into his hands, Inuyasha was caught up in looking at the very fine and rather intricate designs of straight lines and right angles that looked almost like writing all over the sheath of Bakusaiga. He was a bit curious, now that he thought about it, slightly shifting the swords a bit away from each other to study the hilt of Bakusaiga, because even as he recalled that Toutousai had crafted the sheath for it, he saw that all the smith had done was copy the pattern on the hilt.

Sesshoumaru finished tying his sash and glancing up, he half-reached for his swords again, but paused as he saw that Inuyasha was studying his Bakusaiga curiously, as if trying to figure something out about it.

"Jealous?" he snorted after about two more minutes, and Inuyasha blushed and hastily handed them back, ears flicking just slightly.

"Whaddya mean, Jealous! Mine is Bigger than both of those put together," Inuyasha retorted.

"Your Sword is bigger," Sesshoumaru smirked as he accepted his two blades back, tucking them into their place at his hip, "but you know what That means, LITTLE Brother. Father left it to you for a Reason, haaan-yoouu."

"HAHAHA! I guess I Did say that earlier," Inuyasha laughed at the genuinely funny tease, "But no, actually, I was curious about the pattern on the hilt, Toutousai followed it perfectly when he made the sheath, but it's real unique, almost looks like some kind of maze or maybe writing."

"Uo, that," Sesshoumaru tilted his head slightly, and then with a gentle motion, no aggression in his demeanor at all, he drew Bakusaiga with a soft rasp of steel, and turned the blade so that the sharp end was actually toward himself, showing his brother the similar spinal embossing on the length of it as he held it out between them, "it's the same on the spine of the blade itself too. Neat, right?"

Seeing that tiny glimmer of what was almost childlike pride in himself, nothing like the usual haughtiness he exhuded but rather a more genuine and pure sort of quietly bubbly happiness at how cool his Own Sword was, Inuyasha glimpsed yet another facet of his Big Brother he'd not really imagined he'd ever see. That, more than the Coolness of his brother's admittedly awesome sword, made Inuyasha smile wide and flick his ears.

"Yeah, pretty neat alright. Gotta hand it to you, you're a pretty swift smith, good craftsmanship too," he winked at Sesshoumaru at that.

"Hah! Nobody's said That before, but I suppose in a way it's true. Thanks for the compliment," Sesshoumaru agreed, sheathing the blade with an almost flourishing motion as he thought over his little brother's astute observation that came off as a joke but was, in a way, actually true.

"Really? I'm kinda surprised you didn't think of it yourself first," Inuyasha was pleasantly just a tad bit impressed with having been the one to think of that first, and it showed in the flick of his ears as Sesshoumaru's tiny smirk confirmed it.

"I suppose I've been giving these boots a bit more wear ever since I got off my high horse," Sesshoumaru snorted softly, "or, as it were, high dragon-horse, if we're talking about Ah-Un. It hadn't even occurred to me you could say I forged this blade with the fires of my own blood."

"Ooohhh, nice way to pretty it up, I like that," Inuyasha agreed amicably.

"Well," Sesshoumaru sighed slightly after a minute, but with a hint of a gentleness to his features that hadn't lingered so obviously before when he spoke his next words, "I suppose we should head off those two in talking to Sango while there's still time. Thanks for helping settle-"

"Oh My Dog. You're gonna embarrass me with all your mushy stuff. Sttaahhhppiitt," Inuyasha giggled as the taiyoukai blushed a bit as they both started to walk towards the taijiya's house now.

"Well, Fine," Sesshoumaru snorted at him, not sure what had been compelling him all along to express gratitude so freely anyways, except for the fact that he really felt it, and he really hadn't expected it, and with that Dratted Little Girl messing with his head this whole time-

Oh. OH. So That's why Inuyasha is telling me to knock it off. Because I'm losing my Mind. How lovely. He must realize that once this is all sorted out and I return to my normal composure, we won't be so famil...won't be so...familiar.

Pausing as that thought struck him so fast and hard it startled him, soberingly, unbidden, Sesshoumaru halted mid-step and turned to give his little brother a sharp, curious, sad, torn, bewildered, uncertain look.

Of course Inuyasha couldn't help but notice that, and set down his foot and tilted his head at that strange out-of-the-blue Look.

"Uh, what'sa matter? I mean, besides the obvious. What'sa matter with Me now?" he snorted as he corrected himself in idle haste.

"Nothing, I...nothing is wrong with You, Inuyasha. I just..." Sesshoumaru paused, and let out a slow exhale, and felt a wave of strong and strange feelings crop up over him that made him shudder involuntarily, and that made him turn his head, a little embarrassed himself now.

"Hey, I don't take it wrong, that kid's been messin' with you in the worst of ways, not like you're usually like this. I don't think any less of you or anything, and I don't expect you to be like, mushy and stuff all the time or whatever. But if you catch yourself thinkin' you wanna pet my ears 'cause they're so awesome, well maybe I'll letcha when nobody's lookin' at us," he said very softly, and then deliberately, tilted his head further than a nod and flared out the ear on the side closest to him, a gentle offer, a slightly submissive sign of absolute trust.

"You're..." Sesshoumaru almost literally choked, which surprised him-Am I almost about to Cry?! What the HELL! This Day, this whole Damn-

And with a soft huff, he reached his hand over and cupped the ear gently with his thumb and his palm, brushing his hand across a few times and feeling it's cloudy-soft texture and fragile thinness, the tiny thrum of the pulse in the capillaries just barely enough for even his sensitive skin to detect. Letting out a hitched breath in two slow, half-stunted exhales, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and let his hand slip down towards Inuyasha's shoulders, his impulse suddenly too strong to resist, and he dragged the hanyou into a half-hug with his one arm pulling his little brother into his side and his fluff, because his armor was back on and was in the way of a real hug.

"...the Best Little Brother I could have ever had. You shut up about shutting me up. I'm Allowed to be Mushy if I Want to. Snotty little brat hanyou, who are You to tell Me how to feel? Impudent savage. Just Deal with it, Inuyasha. I've decided to be your Big Brother now, you're going to have to put up with seeing a different side of me. There's a lot more to This Sesshoumaru than just a, just a gaping asshole."

"HAH!" Inuyasha blushed and nudged his ear a bit harder into his brother's hand once the taiyoukai reached over with the other one somewhere in the middle of saying that, and cheekily, "Well, least you admit how much of a Kazaana you have between your buttcheeks, chikusho Ani-ki."

"We all have flaws," Sesshoumaru agreed rather matter-of-factly, and sighing again after a long moment of feeling those ears, he finally let go and they continued their walk towards Sango's house, his anxiety rising at the thought of delaying too long and being around when Kohaku and Rin were walking back...

"Rin, what did he Do to you?" Kohaku whispered after he'd caught up to her madly stomping away, her arms pushed down by her sides, fists both clenched tightly, feet clopping harsh wooden thwacks on the packed earth. One apple jostled around in her right chest-flap, moving more now that she'd thrown the other one that had been held tight by the peachy-pink cloth she'd wrapped carefully to mimic the settle and shape of a Grown Woman's breasts with the shape of her two carefully-chosen, shapely, nearly identical apples. One of which was now splattered on her Lord Sesshoumaru's armor, but he, the Stupid Dog, probably thought that was Her Fault!

But Kohaku, it seemed, was being sympathetic. Kohaku, the boy who was almost like a big brother to her, her closest confidant when it came to asking things about Men, because of course she didn't want the older perverts in the village or anybody's wives getting the wrong idea, and Kohaku just didn't seem to be that Serious about women yet, so-

"He Didn't," she scowled and flushed the other apple out of her chest now, sighing at it as she took a vicious bite, as if she could tear into her problems like she could sink her teeth into the apple-flesh.

"Well, at least your virtue is unmarred," Kohaku sighed in relief, "but I can see why you're upset anyways."

Completely misunderstanding what he'd just said, Rin huffed and blew her bangs out of her hair, looking down at the bitten apple in her hand.

"Maybe it's just because he's a Dog Youkai, and not a Human Man," she murmured, "and that's why it's so strange between us."

"You don't need to find an Excuse for his behaving like an Animal," Kohaku grumbled icily, "though I know you care enough about him to excuse just about anything, it seems," he added in a sullen tone.

"So you thought that was rude of him too?" Rin began to create a wonderful self-confirmation bias with her question, unaware of just how badly this conversation was being misinterpreted by both of them.

"Rude?! Rin, that was More than Rude! Do you even have to Ask?" he huffed incredulously, eyes widening at her in a bit of shock.

"Before you walked over, he even said, he even said that no Little Girl could hope to really Please him. He can't even give me the dignity of calling me a Woman," Rin sighed, throwing the second apple, unfinished, into the treeline.

"Oh, Rin," Kohaku breathed, tears springing to his compassionate eyes as he fully suspected the exact opposite of the truth, thanks to the fact that both of them were speaking so ambiguously and obtusely and innocuously that each heard what they wanted to hear, "how Awful!"

"I Know," she lamented with a whine, kicking at a stone with her wooden sandals now, "and yet, when I tried to do some of the things that men like, he still didn't approve, he seemed appalled that I'd painted my face like a geisha, but I wasn't sure what else to do with my makeup..."

"I think you're beautiful even without any makeup at all," Kohaku said quietly, and with a sniff, Rin took that as consolation and nodded.

"Uo, thanks for saying that, Kohaku," she mumbled, sighing down at her lovely kimono now, "but how will I prove my love to him Now? If this try still wasn't good enough, then what more will I have to do next time?"

Trembling with pity and rage, Kohaku drew his arms around her and gave her a fierce hug, too shaken to form words. His view on the matter was seriously warped by his complete lack of knowing the truth of the matter, and so his opinion of the taiyoukai went all at once from admiration to disdain, a foul taste sinking into the back of his throat as his belly felt filled with wretched bile.

"You shouldn't have even had to do That Much, Rin," he hissed, clutching her tighter, "but I know just how much you love him, he's been such an important part of your life...and to do this to you, after all of that..." here he fell silent, throat closing as he chose not to utter such vile words as came to his mind after that.

So of course, Rin, swarming with irrational female hormones, thinking Kohaku understood what was going on, and Kohaku, surging with protective instinct and deep heartfelt compassion and pity, clung to each other with perfect misunderstanding, neither realizing they'd had two different conversations even as they both heard all of the same words spoken.

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

OOOHHHOOOOOHHHOHOHHOOOHHOOOOO! BBWWUUAAAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAHHHAAAAA! If you don't find that Funny, you'll hate the rest, I promise you will. But if you found it even half as funny as I found it when I was writing it, leave a laugh in the review box and let me know it amused you too.

PS: Yes, the section where Rin and Kohaku talk to each other is left deliberately without any emphasis. Why? So you can understand how ambiguous they were when they were talking, how easily they read what they each wanted to, how each heard in their mind what they thought they were hearing. Aren't they just Adorable? :D

"Your writing can never match my artistic talents."

"It's a little disturbing to know that I still don't know what you're up to and I'm the one imagining that you're up to something."

"Do you find that truly disturbing, or does it bother you because you don't find it disturbing?"

"Ooohhhh, that's a very good question. I'll have to think that over."

"You do that while I continue with this masterpiece."

"I feel like it's going to invoke a certain strange kind of fear in me."

"Hmmm. Wouldn't that be my goal, after all you've done to write me into so many humiliating situations?"

"Uhhh...I suppose it would be."

"You shall see when I am finished."

"I think I'm thinking over things that normal people don't think about."

"That was a given."

"Do you think I should stop doing that?"

"..."

"Oh, right. I'm the one thinking things here. Hahaha...hehehe...eheh, uhm...right. I knew that."