Love and Bacon Chapter 7: A Very Good Question, an inuyasha fanfic

A/N:.Do you think anyone here in the village has the decency, the honor, the dignity, the prudence, to clear this conundrum up for the poor plagued puppy? Will some kind and loving soul step in and make this all make sense somehow, prevent the disaster that will surely befall their minds if this type of thinking is left unhindered?

Well, your guess is as good as mine. ;P

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"Oh My Dog," Miroku ducked his head behind his sleeve and tried not to laugh, "I'm s-sorry, Lord S-Sessh-shoumaru, it's, it's really not-"

"Damare, kisama, I'll kill you dead!"

"Make it a quiet death, the children are asleep," Sango giggled and brought her hand to her mouth, eyes flashing in suppressed mischief.

"I hate you," Sesshoumaru muttered, crossing his arms at them, suffering the mirth they tried so hard not to show, because in truth, he really did understand just how hilarious this would be even to Him, if he were anyone else and this were happening to someone else He Knew. Contrary to popular belief, he did actually possess a sense of humor worthy of a fox, but he rarely found a reason to actually use it.

"So that's why she picked those apples," Miroku couldn't help himself, snickering at the basket on their counter.

"I really will Kill You!" Sesshoumaru hissed, cracking his knuckles and leaking a bit of poison onto his claws so they glowed.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Sango tapped her fist to her palm, standing suddenly, "hold that thought, Lord Sesshoumaru," and she strolled over to her cupboard, pulled out a small glass jar, and setting it gently into his cupped palm, "can you melt this with that shouki of yours?"

"Uh, what? What kind of a-that has nothing to do with anything!" Sesshoumaru blushed, thrown fully off track by that, mind too addled to stay anchored with such a strange rogue wave pushing at the beached whale of his thoughts right now.

"Well, not Really, but since you're here, I wanted to see if you could. That's a special kind of glass we taijiya use for volatile substances, such as strong poisons that dissolve normal glasses and metals. I'm curious to see if your corrosive acid is actually able to affect it. And if not, then I want a jarful of your poison," she giggled and winked at him.

Incredulously, he huffed and tilted his head, giving her a purely Dog look of curiousity, before he looked down at the glass jar, and then at the floor beneath it, and then moved his hand over the firepit a couple of feet to the side and began to focus his poison to the tips of his claws, drawing up his most potent acid to the very ends.

To his surprise, the glass actually resisted even the strongest of his poison, and so with a snort, he relaxed the glands on the hand that was holding the jar, and moved his other hand over the mouth of it, and leaked it from his claws into her container until it was just about three quarters of the way full. Closing the microscopic glands on his hands and under his claws after that, he took the lid and sealed it for her, then handed it gently over, careful not to splash his poison against the wooden lid.

"Careful, the glass is impervious, the lid isn't," he huffed, and she smiled grandly at him as a tiny blush crossed her face. She hadn't been sure whether or not he'd actually give her any of his poison, but she was pleasantly grateful when he did.

"Why thank you, Lord Sesshoumaru. You know, your kind of toxin is extraordinarily useful to us taijiya. I have rarely handled anything caustic enough to require this kind of glass, but it won't go to waste. How long does it take you to replenish your toxins once they're depleted?"

"That's probably circumstantial," Sesshoumaru shrugged, "and to be honest, I've never experienced that situation myself. I couldn't tell you."

"Fair enough. So," Sango stood and took the poison very carefully to the side, setting it down briefly to unlock the high cupboard where she kept all the things she didn't want her children to be able to touch or see, and then placing it inside towards the back, "what do you suppose would be the antidote to something like your poison?"

"Uhhm, that's a very good question," Sesshoumaru frowned, "but what makes you think I have the answer? I've never had to find an antidote to my own shouki, it doesn't affect me and I don't use it accidentally."

"Mmmm, well as a human woman, I've never had to deal with a little girl trying to molest me wearing apples for boobs either," Sango chuckled, and at that Sesshoumaru blushed and coughed into his hand, turning his head shyly as he realized she'd led him into that question just so she could reply with that answer. Of course she knew he'd have never had a reason to know the antidote to his own poison.

"Point taken," he muttered, sighing at Miroku as the monk redoubled his chuckling at his wife's mention of apple boobs, and drawing Tenseiga before he really even thought about how he was reacting, he pointed the blade right at his throat, "keep Pushing it, monk, Keep Pushing It!"

Crossing his eyes briefly as he realized Which Blade was pointed at him, Miroku smiled and brought his hands up slowly into a prayer gesture.

"If I am pure of heart and enlightened in the ways of Buddha, then your blade will not be able to kill me, Evil Youkai."

Narrowing his eyes at that, Sesshoumaru twitched, and Tenseiga flashed a streak of brilliant magenta across the monk's body. Miroku flinched and grunted, feeling the force of the blow, but to his surprise it barely hurt. As he'd been sitting and braced for it, already half-expecting the taiyoukai to follow through before he did, Miroku barely curled at the middle before closing one eye in tease, violet-blue refractions in his orbs dancing with a mischievous light.

"Hn, Monks and their Faith," Sesshoumaru snorted, sheathing Tenseiga as if trying to slay Miroku was now beneath him.

"How Devout you've become, dear husband," Sango chuckled and kissed Miroku on the cheek, and he blushed and smiled grandly at her.

"Hey, Sango, Miroku!" a familiar young voice called as a tiny kitsune came strolling in the door, "I brought you a-oh, hi, Inuyasha, uhm, Lord Sesshoumaru," Shippou halted to look at them a bit strangely, peering at their body postures, "what's going on?"

"Nothing especially important," Sango waved her hand casually to draw the fox's attention, "I asked Inuyasha to bring his brother here and see if he'd be kind enough to test my poison-resistant glass with his acid. I dared him to melt it and told him if he lost he'd owe me a jar, so you see, he's a little Annoyed with me right now," she winked at the fox, who stole a look over at the taiyoukai as she said it.

Putting on the easy facade of an Annoyed look as he narrowed his eyes at the taijiya and lifted his nose, Sesshoumaru silently thanked her for the believable excuse, and snorted out a tiny dignified noise of barest acknowledgment.

"Hn."

"Oh, I see," Shippou snickered and bowed his head slightly towards the Dog Lord, "well, don't feel bad, taijiya have been working on ways to repel youkai poisons for years and years, a few hundred from what I understand. Speaking of which, I brought you these," he turned to her now and pulled some things from his pocket, "from the forest near the Maboroshi. They're kinda rare, I was wondering if you knew how to use them."

"OOoohhh, indeed, those are very useful, Shippou. How did you know we taijiya covet these special mushrooms?"

"They're renowned for being able to nullify the minds of unwary kitsunes, the teachers were taking us out to show the younger ones how to make sure they identify what kinds of things even we can't eat. I figured that meant it was something you'd use in your taijiya toxins, so I brought you some that were fresh."

"How clever and thoughtful of you. Thank you," Sango nodded as she accepted them with a smile.

"Well, not much else to do here, I guess it's time to get goin'," Inuyasha coughed and flicked his ears, and at that cue, Sesshoumaru gave the taijiya and monk each a cautiously blank look, not wanting to alert the foxling, and deigned to say one last thing before he left.

"Should you find yourself running low, I could be troubled for another jar of poison, if you really need it. But for the next one, I'll surely have to charge you something of equal value."

Understanding that perfectly as his odd way of secretly conveying that he was grateful for their kindness, Miroku and Sango just smiled and nodded at him before he strolled out, and Inuyasha snorted and went out a few moments later, so it didn't look like he was following closely, and tossing a casual 'goodnight' over his shoulder at them while the door flap settled at his passing.

"You actually got him to like you enough to give you some of his own poison? He must have a fever today or somethin'," Shippou giggled after he was sure they were out of earshot.

"Maybe it is something like that," Sango agreed with a chortle, and Miroku snorted and suppressed his own laughter.

"Ooohhhh?" Shippou noticed this and narrowed his emerald eyes keenly at the both of them, "So what Else is odd about him that I don't know?"

"Shippou, some things are better left unsaid. I think he and Inuyasha may have had some kind of tender moment they're trying to hide from the rest of us, they're getting along much better than I've been used to," Sango brushed over it casually, "but let's not Ruin it by pointing it out and embarrassing them, hmmm?" she winked at the kitsune.

"OOoohhhh, lots of things going on today then. Kaede told me love was in the air, and I think your little brother and Rin might try to hook up soon. Well, you know what I mean, 'course they're too young to Marry, well at least Rin is, but I overheard her asking him things about being a Grown Woman while she was picking flowers with him before. When I asked Kaede, she confirmed that Rin is getting a little Flighty, as she put it, which I guess is polite for Strange," he giggled and sat down as Miroku offered him a sweet candy, "uo, thanks Miroku! And now, now you tell me those two dogs are starting to be more like brothers than before, well, I think it's all good things. Kohaku and Rin will make just the most adorable little couple, and if those two can-Sango, what's so funny?"

"I just feel giddy and excited, Shippou," Sango snickered and caught her husband's delighted look, and they shared a winkless wink, neither of their eyelids moving, but both sparkling just that one eye that was away from the fox's line of view in their shared smile.

Shippou, of course, read this how he wanted to, and smiled as he chewed at the honey-wax candy Miroku had given him, missing the fact that they had chosen to carefully leave off telling him almost anything else, not suspicious at all with his own preconceived notions.

Pausing as they got outside, Inuyasha took a sniff of the air and then glanced over at Sesshoumaru.

"Well, seems like Rin went back to Kaede's, so, if you wanna like...stay at my place so she doesn't catch you alone outside again..."

"Oh little brother, that's not even funny, I shouldn't have to hide in your house to avoid a little girl," Sesshoumaru whined, running his hand through his bangs with a heavy sigh, "yet I can't say I'm not tempted, now that you've offered. Won't that be a little strange though?"

"Ani-ki, what part of today Hasn't been a little Strange? C'mon, there's more bacon, you can stuff yourself until it puts you in a food coma, I got some strong shochu from Miroku's last batch on the shelf, anyone asks, you passed out before you knew it. Right?"

"...U-uo," Sesshoumaru agreed, feeling a bit of a relief cresting over his waves of anxiety as his mind wondered just what Rin was saying to Kaede now that she was there, and what Kaede might be saying back to-

"Bacon," Inuyasha elbowed him softly, flicking his ears in understanding as he caught the taiyoukai's gaze drifting there. Sesshoumaru shook his head and looked at the hanyou again, nodded silently, and followed him inside the house, grateful he had the Best Little Brother Ever...

"Rin, Kohaku, ye two have been sighing for nigh half an hour now, and neither of ye will tell me why," Kaede finally groused a bit as she set down her teacup, "Now what troubles ye both so much?"

"Lord Sesshoumaru!" they both snapped at the same time, and not even realizing that they'd both said it with perfect synchronization, they both gave her two very different glares as they spat out the name.

"OOoohhhh?" Kaede, to her credit, had a lifetime of experience with these things, and the two youngsters had no perception great enough to know that she was already well aware of many things she wouldn't say, that she Knew she was about to be highly amused.

"He brings me this kimono that HE finds pretty, I mean of course why Else would he pick it out if he didn't like it?" Rin huffed, looking down at herself in the newest pink kimono.

"He's selfish and self-righteous," was Kohaku's evaluation of that, but missing his reference point, Rin just nodded agreement.

"He didn't seem to like my makeup either," she growled, crossing her arms at the thought.

"He doesn't know the value of true beauty, or how to respect it," Kohaku clenched one fist as his arm started to tremble with the force of his straining muscles, willing himself to have restraint.

"He said I was a Little Girl who could never Please Him even if I tried! He didn't even give me the dignity of calling me a Woman!"

"He acted like an Animal, he doesn't cherish virtue and love," Kohaku seethed, his other fist clenching hard now as he gritted his teeth.

"I even stuffed apples in the cloth I wrapped around myself to make it look like my breasts were bigger and he still wasn't satisfied!"

"You should have never had to go that far just to try and make Him Happy," Kohaku snarled low now, the hairs on the back of his neck standing.

"But I still love him, and I Do want to make him Happy," Rin sighed and hung her head.

"You forgive too much, he should have Never treated you that way, the, the Uncouth Mongrel," Kohaku gripped her shoulder tight and drew her in to lean on his shoulder, and comforted, Rin sighed more heavily and leaned a bit on his chest.

"I guess maybe he Is a little more Dog than Man, and I'll have to remember that from now on. Maybe I've just been doing things wrong."

"I think He's the one in the wrong here, Rin. You shouldn't have to cater to all the things he wants, that's not Love, that's Manipulation. If you don't want to do something just to Please Him, you shouldn't have to, to do things like, like stuffing apples...like makeup and dresses HE picks out for you, as if HE has the right to tell you how to be! Rin, you should be able...you should be able to just be Yourself, without a care about him Judging you, or, or making you feel, making you Feel Bad..." he sniffed and trembled, his other arm moving to encircle her.

"Oh Kohaku...you are so kind to me," Rin mumbled, letting out a soft exhale, nuzzling a bit into his firm hold while her tumultuous feelings roiled and boiled in her tempermental near-teenage blood.

Kaede hadn't said another word, and stood to get herself a cup of tea, turning her back to them to hide her huge devious smile.

She was an old woman, she had to have her fun somehow. She wasn't going to tell...and besides, she could see, hidden beneath the young girl's surface attraction to her Father Figure, something subtler but more profound between the girl and Kohaku, something that was starting to come into a blossoming flower of it's own under the watering of the grief-tears of this catastrophe. In her age and wisdom, Kaede knew, her one good eye seeing more than most other's two eyes, Kaede Saw that the best thing she could do right now was let it run it's course...

But it took everything she had not to laugh about it either.

Sesshoumaru picked at three more plates of bacon, chugged down the whole jug of shochu after Inuyasha insisted he'd get more from Miroku in a day or two, and finally, after about two hours of stuffing himself with enough fat to give a horse a heart attack, and enough alcohol to get a donkey drunk, he leaned a bit against the wall, fluffed up his Mokomoko-sama, folded his arms into his sleeves, and stared into the fire...

And passed out, slightly slumped like that, before Inuyasha and Kagome even knew he was asleep.

"Poor Big Brother," Kagome said quietly after she looked over and finally noticed he had nodded off, "what a mess he's in with little Rin. Do you think there's anything we can really do to help without actually just making it worse?"

"Kagome, I told you before, there's a good reason why I try to stay OUTTA things like other people's relationships. I don't mind giving him an ear to talk to or pointing him to someone else who might know better, but I'm not gonna try to Do Anything For Them. Rin's actin' like a stray cat in it's first heat, you wanna try and tell Cats to stop yowlin'? Besides, no matter what Rin Thinks She wants, He won't let her actually Do anything like that, not like she has the strength to overpower him. She keeps doin' things like she just pulled tonight though, he might go run away screaming and never return."

"Don't say that!" Kagome snickered and swatted his shoulder, picturing exactly that as he said it, "I'll laugh too hard," she added, winking.

"I mean I feel so bad for him right now, but it's still kinda funny," Inuyasha snickered softly, "I almost wish I'd actually Seen Her throw the apple at 'im, that woulda been hilarious to watch."

"SSHHH!" she snorted and covered her mouth, and he flicked both ears and smirked at her, eyes delighted for a different reason.

"I think I'll have to thank her after this whole mess blows over. This is probably the closest I've ever been with him...I kinda like it."

"I know. Me too," Kagome smiled back tenderly, leaning in to give him a soft kiss of understanding.

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You DO realize what village they're all in, Right? ;P