Phineas trudged into the lunchroom and plopped down at his lunch table with Ferb, Baljeet, Buford and Django. He glanced across the room at Isabella, who was bright red as she fended off increasingly personal questions from her friends about what happened between her and Phineas last night.
Last night. After senior prom. When Izzy and I went up to her bedroom, and…
Buford looked at his friend, who looked uncharacteristically mopey. "Hey Dinnerbell, what's wrong? Perry die or somethin'?"
Baljeet smacked his boyfriend in the shoulder. "You are always so inconsiderate," he muttered.
Django spoke up next. "What is it, man? Finals are over, you were just prom king of the absolute best school dance anyone has ever had, and summer's just a week away. You're always ecstatic about summer!"
Phineas just kept his head down, not responding. His friends exchanged concerned glances when he didn't even notice Isabella walk over and sit down next to him.
"Uh, god. I love those girls, but they are way too thirsty for details sometimes," she said. Baljeet and Django in particular cringed. The latter had caught Adyson recording them in bed once to show the girls so she didn't have to answer questions, and the former had been asked by no less than three of them about how gay intercourse differed from straight.
Isabella noticed his downcast mood and put a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Phin? Are you worried about last night? Don't be, you were great." She flashed him a radiant smile, but he didn't even look up.
At this point, Buford was fed up with this second coming of Ferb. He put his hand under the redhead's chin and forced his friend's eyes to look straight at his own. "Ya can't keep mopin' about this an' not talk. That's Ferb's thing. So yer gonna tell us, right now, what's botherin' ya and we're gonna help ya fix it. Understood?"
"Two words in that exchange contained three syllables," Baljeet noted with approval. "I am ecstatic about the drastic improvement you have made to your vernacular, Buford." Both Ferb and Isabella shot him a glare. "And I do agree wholeheartedly with the message," he continued hurriedly. "You can always talk to us, Phineas. Expressing your feelings is the initial step in conflict resolution."
Everyone was shocked when the redhead pushed Isabella's hand off his shoulder and brusquely stood up. "Django, can I talk to you in private?" he asked. The other boy nodded and allowed Phineas to drag him off by the arm.
"I am so confused," Isabella murmured, watching Django almost crash into a table as Phineas roughly dragged him along. Buford and Baljeet nodded in agreement.
"What was your first time with Adyson like?" Phineas asked.
Django started. Unlike most of his other (straight) friends, Phineas had never asked for details about his intimate life. He respected his friend's privacy too much for that. So if he was asking now…
"Even though neither of us really knew what we were doing, it was great. It felt really good. And it was the closest I've ever felt to Addie," he said. "Emotionally, too. Not just physically."
"It didn't feel weird at all?"
"What do you mean by weird?"
"Like… gross weird." Phineas' cheeks had turned as red as his hair. "It felt like something you do in private, not with someone else."
"You find sex gross?"
"I guess so, yeah."
Django decided to just rip the band-aid off. "Are you axesual?"
"I don't know," Phineas said miserably.
Django had long suspected that Phineas wasn't straight. The redhead had never shown any interest in physical intimacy beyond kissing or cuddling, and got grossed out whenever someone (normally Adyson, actually) made a crude joke about female anatomy.
"Do you love Isabella romantically?" he asked.
"Of course," Phineas replied immediately.
"Would you want to have sex with her again?"
"If it makes her happy," he said.
"Not what she wants. Do you want to have sex with her?"
"No."
"Then you're ace. It's that simple."
"Ace?"
"Short for asexual."
"Oh. Thanks, Django."
"No problem. You've helped me out a ton in the past. It's about time I returned the favor," he said with a laugh. "Oh, by the way, my new nickname for you is so going to be Ace. It sounds badass."
Phineas chuckled. "That it does."
Isabella smiled when Phineas sat back down next to her, because this time he was smiling. His talk with Django, whatever it was about, had worked. She leaned into him, and smiled when he put his arm around her in return. Things were back to normal.
"Oh yeah, I'm asexual."
Isabella blinked. Things were decidedly not back to normal. Especially because…
"Phin, you lied to me!"
He seemed taken aback. "When?"
"Last night! You said you enjoyed it!"
"I did enjoy it. You were happy, so I was happy." Buford made a gag me face and Isabella rolled her eyes.
"We've talked about this. As wonderfully romantic as that is, you're not allowed to sacrifice your happiness for me."
"Why not?"
"I don't want you to be unhappy because of me. There are plenty of things we enjoy doing together. Who cares if sex isn't one of them?" She smiled at Phineas. Was she a little upset? Sure. She'd been wanting to jump him ever since she learned what sex was, and had thoroughly enjoyed last night. But she also loved him more than anything, and if he didn't enjoy sex, it wouldn't be enjoyable for her either.
"Thank you," he said, "for being so understanding. You enjoyed last night so much, I was worried that…" he trailed off, looking embarrassed.
"Phin, you know me too well to think I'd be upset at you over this." She leaned up to peck him on the cheek. "Besides, I know you. You're already thinking of an invention to solve this problem, aren't you."
"Actually, no. I was thinking that our parents might let us shower together now that they know we won't do anything funny."
"Really? You'd be willing to do that for me?"
"As long as our bodily fluids stay inside our bodies, absolutely."
She threw her arms around Phineas. "You're the best boyfriend ever."
"I know," he said, earning glares from everyone except Ferb. "And if you ever really, really want to have sex," he whispered, "I'm sure I can build something to help with that."
"We already have a line of super-powered adult toys," said Ferb, causing them both to jump, spin around and glare at him. He smirked. "You forgot everyone else was here, didn't you."
"Yes, yes we did," Phineas admitted. Overhead, the lunch bell rang, and the gang stood up to head to class.
"I have a request, Phineas," Baljeet said.
"Shoot."
"May I call you Ace? As a nickname?"
"Sorry, dude. Django already called it."
The Indian sighed. "I figured as much. I never get the good nicknames."
"Crumbcake's open," Phineas offered.
"Isabella would break my nose if I dared call you that."
"Damn right I would."