Author's note: Hello, all! I am back with another installment in the Dis- series! I have it all outlined and am excited to share my ideas with you for this next fic. :)
If you are new, you might want to check out the first two fics in this series, Disparaged and Dissembled. However, for those of you who really want to read this without reading the first two fics (or those of you who just want a recap), here are some summaries:
Disparaged: While out on patrol one night, Danny is apprehended in ghost form by his mother, who disables his powers using an injected solution of her creation. He manages to escape, but not without feeling very shaken by the ordeal. He tries to suppress the memory and ignore what it made him feel, but he is terrible at hiding it. Maddie at first believes he is struggling with a painkiller and narcotic addiction arising from severe depression and anxiety and tries to get him help, including therapy. Danny goes along with this story, hoping it'll prevent her from figuring out what is actually troubling him, especially as he notices her obsession with capturing Phantom has reached unhealthy levels. Maddie shortly realizes that there is something else more serious going on with Danny, but when she tries to force him to talk to her in the middle of the night, he runs out of the house. Maddie goes out to look for him but ends up finding him in ghost form. Not recognizing him, she proceeds to disable his powers again, chase him down, and corner him with no escape. Danny surrenders and allows her to capture him at last.
Dissembled: Maddie imprisons Danny in a private lab belonging to Vlad far outside of town. Still unaware that her son is Phantom, Maddie searches for Danny during the day and sneaks out to experiment on her secret ghost specimen for a few hours each night. Maddie is frustrated with how the police are handling Danny's disappearance, as they seem to believe he is just a runaway and will come home on his own. She subjects Danny to several torturous procedures, including cutting open his eye, breaking his leg, and forcing him to play a sadistic game of "would you rather." Vlad discovers Danny in the lab and offers to rescue him under the condition that Danny leave his family and submit to him, but Danny chooses to remain in the lab instead. Danny challenges Maddie to a fair fight for his freedom and she agrees, but he is unable to hurt her and must accept that the scientist torturing him is in fact his mother. Maddie is tormented by Phantom's human display of emotion when he starts crying during the fight. As she attempts to discover exactly who or what he is through more procedures that include surgically removing his spleen, she also begins confiding in him, sharing her darkest secrets about the way she treated her son, such as unintentionally giving him an eating disorder. The police grow suspicious of Maddie's involvement in Danny's disappearance and ask her to come in for what she suspects is a custodial interrogation. Maddie then discovers that Phantom's DNA report reveals that he is somehow human. Distraught by the possibility that she's been committing a horrible crime and worried that the police will arrest her and turn Phantom over to the Guys in White, Maddie frees him. Danny flies as far away as he can until his energy is completely exhausted and he is forced to return to human form for the first time in weeks. He then weighs his options and makes the difficult decision to return home.
This first chapter is the last chapter from Dissembled from Danny's point of view. Thanks for tuning in!
Disillusioned
I can't stop lying
...
"Did I give you what you wanted?"
Maddie's hands shook, clamped over her mouth, her eyes huge as she stared at him.
She stepped backward. Danny stayed where he was.
And then she shattered.
Her fingertips curled against her cheeks, her mouth stretching and widening as she choked on a howl. Her tears came hard and fast, streaming down her face.
Danny had never seen her cry like this.
He had never seen her look like this.
Her face was so twisted and distorted with such agony that he wasn't sure he would've recognized her if he didn't already know she was his mother.
He was frozen, unable to do anything but stare at her, her anguish overflowing and spilling out of her.
He could see the smashed pieces of her heart with every sob that ruptured from her throat.
Danny's eyes started burning as he continued watching her cry. This was exactly what he hoped to avoid when they were in the lab together: the pain of knowing what she had done to him. It was part of the reason he didn't want to reveal himself when he was her prisoner.
But now she finally recognized him. Or rather, she recognized her handiwork, all the scars and bruises she inflicted on him.
And he couldn't protect her from the truth anymore.
He watched her a moment longer before forcing feeling back into his body and walking out of the living room. He stopped at the base of the stairs and looked up at the darkened hallway leading to the bedrooms. Then he glanced back at his sobbing mother.
He couldn't just leave her like this. He knew they had to talk.
Eventually.
He turned his attention to the front door. The family photos on the wall were all visible in the light coming from the living room. Photos of him where his smile seemed so foreign, a past version of himself that had no idea what his mother would one day do to him.
Near the front door, Danny could see his jacket hanging on a hook in the wall and a pair of his shoes in the rack underneath. Exactly where he remembered them being when he first ran away.
He looked down at his wrists, bruised from being shackled for weeks. The scars covering his arms from various experimental procedures. His bare feet cut up after walking for hours and hours just to get home.
He couldn't protect her from the truth of what she did to him. But perhaps he could cover it up so she wouldn't have to see it right now.
After grabbing the jacket and shoes, he headed for the downstairs bathroom and switched on the light. He set the jacket and shoes on the counter and bent his head over the sink, stalling before tentatively raising his eyes to look at his face in the mirror.
Gaunt, bruised, torn.
The same way it looked in the gas station mirror earlier in the evening.
Not that he expected to look any better by now. But he still hated seeing this broken face staring back at him.
His gut knotted and he doubled over, clutching at his middle and fighting the urge to throw up because he knew there was nothing even in his stomach right now.
His head swam as he pressed his hands against the counter, holding himself up. He was suddenly so very exhausted.
But he couldn't pass out just yet. He needed to go back to the living room and talk to his mother.
But what would he say? What could he say? He had absolutely no idea.
He was just going to have to wing it.
He put on the jacket and shoes and looked at his reflection again. His scarred eye stared back at him, his blue iris split in half by a thin white line.
The one injury he couldn't hide from her.
A remnant from the first night she started her experiments, one of the very first things she did to him. He could still remember his body trembling as she poised the knife over his face, unsure and terrified of what she might sink it into.
Ripping open, the sound of sloshing ectoplasm, burning and pulsating—
Danny hissed and ducked his head, clenching his fists against the bathroom counter. He tried to shake the memory out of his head because he did not did not did not want to remember that pain that agony that—
He breathed in deep, several times, letting it out slowly. He raised his head and looked at the mirror again, releasing a final shaky breath.
She didn't even slash his eye as an experiment. She did it to punish him. He made her angry and this was what she did to him.
And now he had made her cry.
He could still hear her sobbing out in the living room.
He breathed a few more times before steadying himself and leaving the bathroom.
Back in the living room, Maddie was now sitting hunched over on the couch, dressed in a robe and slippers and cradling her face in her hands. Her hair fell over her ears and forehead in a matted nest.
She didn't even look up as he walked in. He stood on the other side of the coffee table and watched her for a few moments, debating what to do. Should he speak? Sit next to her?
No. He should just wait for her to stop crying.
He moved to the near wall by the door leading to the basement lab and leaned his back against it, folding his arms and staring at the floor.
He tried to imagine what he might say to her, tried to rehearse his words.
But how could he put any of these painful feelings into words? This suffering she forced him through?
She was crying harder than he'd ever seen her cry before. But did she really understand just how much she hurt him? Was she even capable of comprehending how he felt being in the same room with her again?
Was she crying for him? Or herself?
He blanked his mind and tried to stop thinking about it. Because he wasn't sure he wanted to know the truth.
He sensed her staring at him. He looked up to meet her bloodshot gaze. Her face was drenched with sweat and tears.
"When were you going to tell me?" she asked, her voice low and hoarse.
Danny blinked, startled by her somewhat scolding tone. This was what she wanted to say to him first, really? Not an apology but an accusation?
He scoffed, chuckling. "When was I going to tell you? You mean before all this? Or when you had me strapped down to a table and knifed me open?"
Maddie burst into more tears and buried her face in her hands. Danny groaned, then sighed. He really hadn't meant to make her cry again.
"I was planning on telling you eventually," he muttered. "But not there. And not like this. This is the last way I wanted you to find out."
Pressing his back into the wall, he pushed his legs out farther, deepening his slouch. He could see Maddie looking at him again out of the corner of his eye but did not meet her gaze this time.
"I almost told you that one day." His throat was tight, weakening his voice. "I don't even remember when that was now—I don't know what day it is—but it was back when we drove out to the canyon."
It seemed like a memory from a past life now, but it was a Saturday, he knew at least that much. That morning, he had practiced what he might say, how he might tell his mom his most guarded secret. He remembered being wary when she suggested they take a drive out to the canyon. The canyon was quiet, peaceful, and they were all alone. She could point a gun at his head and force him to do whatever she wanted, and no one would be around to stop her.
She had asked him about his overuse of painkillers, all the narcotics he had been stealing from Sam's mom. She wanted to know about all of the pain he was trying to numb with drugs.
And he had wanted to tell her exactly why he was using them. The truth. This was finally his chance to explain everything so he would no longer have to hide from her.
"Why," rasped Maddie. "Why. Why didn't you tell me that day?"
Danny tightened his folded arms against his body, fighting back tears because he didn't want to set her off again.
He almost told her. He was about to. That day at the canyon. They started talking about Phantom.
Why do you want to hurt him so much?
He had asked her that. Still in the car.
When I catch him, I can show you. He's not a person. Just a really good imitation of one.
All the awful things she said about what she wanted to do to Phantom. To him.
"I was afraid of you," Danny murmured.
Maddie froze before sinking her head into her hands again, clutching and pulling at her hair. Danny tried not to look at her, tried not to think about all of the awful things she ended up doing to him anyway despite his best attempts to keep hiding from her.
Maddie raised her head again. "How?"
Danny met her gaze and frowned, bringing his feet in to stand a little straighter against the wall.
"How can I make this up to you?" she begged.
What…
What was she asking?
Danny creased his brow deeply. "How can you…make this up to me? Make what up to me?"
He made small gestures to his torn eye, his bruised wrists now hidden beneath his jacket sleeves.
"Hunting me? Chasing and cornering me? Abducting me? Imprisoning me? Experimenting on me? Torturing me?"
Danny lifted his hands with a shrug. Because he had no idea how else to tell her that nothing she did to him could just be forgiven and forgotten.
"What exactly do you want to make up to me, Mom?" he asked. "What is 'this'?"
Maddie coughed through a sob, pressing a hand to her heaving chest. "Any of it. All of it. What can I do? What should I do?"
Danny raised his hands again before letting them quickly fall in defeat. Because if she didn't understand now just how completely she had damaged him, beyond any way that she could ever fix or "make up for," then he knew it was useless trying to explain it to her.
"I don't have an answer for that," he said, trying not to sound too incredulous that he had to say it at all.
Maddie blubbered and shook her head. "No. Danny, please, there has to be something, anything. Tell me, please—"
She wiped at her dripping nose.
"I mean, what are we going to do now?" She looked up at him again. "The police, your father, Jazz, the whole town—what do we tell them? What do we say?"
She quieted. Danny met her gaze and held eye contact with her for several moments.
"What do you want to tell them?" she asked in a sharp hush.
Danny released a long exhale and tilted back his head against the wall behind him, folding his arms again as he stared up at the ceiling.
What do you want to tell them?
Her question echoed in his head. He could hear her breaking into another sobbing fit but he paid her no attention this time, blocked out her weeping as he tried to think.
Did he want them to know the truth? Did he want them to know exactly how his own mother locked him up and abused him for weeks?
He could imagine their reactions. His dad's shock and disbelief that his wife could do such a thing. Sam enraged and demanding justice, maybe even revenge. Tucker's stunned silence as he struggled to even look at Danny. Jazz crying and apologizing and begging him to forgive her for not trying harder to protect him.
And the police diving in even deeper, raiding the lab, exposing all of their family secrets to the entire town, the whole country.
And his secrets. Not just his half-ghost identity but every single mistake he had made in his battles, his failed relationships, his poor grades, his bullies, his eating disorder, all of the narcotics he stole and swallowed to try to deal with the pain of it all.
His reputation he had been working so hard to build, all gone. He would never recover. No one would ever think of Danny Phantom as a hero again, nothing more than a troubled drug addict with mommy issues.
And everyone would know that he had been chained up in a lab for weeks while his own mother assaulted him over and over again. That he had to simply lie there and take it from her because he had absolutely no power to stop her.
He'd be humiliated.
The pity, the jeers, the gossip. Friends and classmates, teachers and fans, even complete strangers all over town huddling together and discussing the graphic details of what his mother did to him, filling in the blanks with their own sick ideas, their fantasies of what she forced on him, wondering if maybe he liked some of it? Maybe he wanted it? Maybe he was asking for it? Maybe he deserved it?
And the ghosts. What would they think of him? What rumors would spread through the Ghost Zone about the half-human crusader nearly tortured to death by his own kind? Why did he commit himself to fighting ghosts for so long when it was humans who were capable of the worst atrocities?
No one, ghost or human, would ever look at him the same way again. And he'd never be able to show his face in public again anyway.
And the only thing worse than that humiliation was…
He looked over at his mom, who was collapsed in half over her knees, clutching her shins as her tears splashed into the carpet.
She would be arrested. And people would talk about her, too. Horrible, awful things.
And he wouldn't be able to protect her from any of it.
Seeing her cry like this broke his heart in ways he knew made no sense, ways she definitely didn't deserve from him.
But after all that had happened, she was still his mother, the same woman who used to soothe him when he fell and scraped his knee. The same woman who would sing about the stars as he drifted off to sleep.
And he still wanted to believe that she would have never hurt him at all if she had just known from the start who he really was.
He watched her a little longer before pushing himself off the wall and walking toward her. She raised her head as he knelt before her, taking one of her hands in his and passing his thumb over her knuckles.
She stopped crying almost immediately as she stared at him, her eyes puffy with blood and tears.
"I don't want anyone to know about this," he told her softly, his voice breaking with emotion.
Maddie studied him, her expression curious and bewildered. Danny's chest shuddered with each breath he pulled in as he held her gaze, her hand so warm in his own.
Motion upstairs, and then a light in the hallway switched on. Maddie looked up and Danny turned from where he knelt.
"Danny!" Jazz called from over the stair rail. "Danny, is that—?"
"Danny?" asked Jack, appearing behind her.
Danny's heart hammered as Jazz started running down the stairs. He stood and zipped up his jacket to hide how thin he was, checking that his sleeves were covering the bruises ringing his wrists.
Jazz rushed across the living room and threw her arms around Danny, weeping and pressing one hand to the back of his head. Danny was unable to move for a moment, stunned by the affection, a tenderness that felt so strange to him after weeks of nothing but pain.
He tentatively raised his arms and rested his hands on her back to return the embrace. He sighed into it, relaxing his muscles, so tired and aching to lean against her, to collapse in her arms.
He had actually forgotten how much Jazz loved him.
And it felt so good to remember she loved him.
"Danny." His father's voice, hushed and labored. Danny looked up to see Jack had also made it down the stairs and was staring at him just a few feet away.
Jack quickly closed the distance and wrapped his huge arms around both Jazz and Danny. Jazz continued sobbing as their heads huddled together.
Danny could feel his own tears welling up.
Because for the first time in so long, he felt…
Safe.
No one here was going to hurt him. No one here wanted to hurt him.
And the only person here who had ever hurt him was…
Danny could feel Maddie staring at all of them in this embrace, staring at him.
He shut his eyes tighter and tried not to think about her at all as he buried his face in Jazz's shoulder. Her hand remained on the back of his head for some time, her fingers threading through his hair. He could feel Jack's large hand on his back, gently rubbing it.
Danny had no idea how long they stayed that way, quiet and unmoving, simply holding each other.
But at last, Jazz started stirring. Jack loosened his hold on both of them in response, and Danny lifted his head.
"Where have you been?" Jazz pulled out of the hug but kept a hold on Danny's upper arms. "You've been gone for so long."
"I know," said Danny as calmly as he could. "And I decided to come back."
Not a lie. He had gone over all his choices before deciding to return home. He had no idea if it was the right choice, but it was the only choice that made sense to him.
"You decided?" Jazz shook him. "But where did you go?"
"I'm really sorry I worried you," said Danny. "But I'm back now. I'm…" He paused, looking around the living room. "…home."
Everything was familiar. The TV, the couch, the color of the walls, the sound of the air conditioner.
And yet somehow so foreign. Like he was a stranger here. Like he didn't belong.
This was Danny Fenton's home. But how much of Danny Fenton was still left inside of him? How much of Danny Fenton was still back in that lab?
How much of Danny Fenton did his mother kill?
And who exactly did she allow to escape?
The skin on the back of his neck prickled.
Jazz frowned at him, cocking her head. Danny returned his attention to her.
"You look terrible." She felt his arms through his jacket sleeves. "Are you okay?" She placed her hands on his shoulders, then his neck. "What happened to you?"
Her touch before when she was hugging him felt comforting, but this was invasive, so much like how his mom would touch him every single night in that lab. Studying him, searching for answers, trying to figure out what he was hiding from her.
He forced himself to stay still, his nerves bristling with the effort.
But then she was staring at the left side of his face, his scarred eye. Danny turned and broke away from her, stepping backward, pulling down his sleeves to make sure they were still covering his bruised wrists. Jazz and Jack stayed where they were and did not try to move closer.
"I just needed some time to figure things out about myself," said Danny, trying to sound calm again, his heart pounding all the way up in his throat.
He could sense Maddie behind him, watching him. He raised one arm behind his back, visible only to her.
"But everything's okay now," he said softly. "I'm okay."
He crossed two of his fingers near his spine.
"And we can all just forget this ever happened," he whispered.
At least he still remembered how to lie. She had left that part of him intact.
Good. Because he was definitely going to need it.