A/N: This is a side-story to my ArMor story 'I'll be holding all the tickets (and you'll be owning all the fines)' focusing on Morgause and Merlin's affair and relationship. I originally had made this to be around seven chapters long, though with some changes I've recently made i think it'll be slightly longer. I've decided to start it off as a T rating however will be upping this to M soon.

Trigger warning - implied/referenced abortion.

Morgause couldn't help but wonder how exactly she managed to get to this point in her life. Ignoring the dull ache in her lower back, she rolled over in the bed and propped herself up on her elbow as she looked at her sleeping colleague-turned-lover, Merlin Emrys. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the way he was sleeping, snoring blissfully unaware of all that was going on. Even in his sleep, he had a slightly agitated look on his face. Though she envied him, being able to sleep and avoid what was happening even just for those few hours. She was exhausted but knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep so took one last look at Merlin before rolling out of bed and walking to the en-suite. She felt guilty for taking him away from Freya when she needed him, but Morgause needed him too. For her husband was on a case in Scotland, and she knew that she couldn't have this baby.

No blood yet (as expected) and the dull ache in her lower stomach remained. The nurse had said to take the codeine and Morgause knew she could, but wanted to try to manage without it, at least before the second pill. She'd already caused too much pain for everyone else, so what was a little bit of physical pain too? Even if she could barely keep her eyes open, though the dull ache somewhat intensified as she climbed back into bed and rolled over. She watched Merlin sleeping once more, much like she had on that December night.

It was the annual Christmas ball for their work trust. The Guys and St Thomas trust was enormous and as there was so many people that worked there, partners weren't to attend and instead everyone would mingle amongst themselves and bond with their coworkers. Merlin looked himself over in the mirror one last time, as he put his tuxedo on. He checked his phone and the time again, clicking onto WhatsApp then Morgause's name. Last seen 18:21. Hopefully she wouldn't be too much longer. Merlin ran a comb through his hair one last time then satisfied with his appearance, Merlin grabbed his phone and key card, leaving the hotel room to walk down to the lobby. People came in, fancy dresses and black ties on as Merlin waited in the foyer of the Dorchester hotel, one of the finest hotels in London.

He booked himself a room for the night, not wanting to disturb Freya as he likely would with the ball ending at midnight (then by the time he was home, it'd probably be closer to two o'clock. He wanted to ensure that everyone had made it home safe if taking a taxi back in that direction).

He'd agreed with Morgause to meet at half six, ready for the Christmas ball and dinner. It'd continue into the early hours of the morning, Freya hadn't been sleeping well so Merlin had decided to book a hotel room for the night, not wanting to disturb her. If needed she'd have a friend over to look after her—probably Will, they always got on well. Sometimes he felt his wife got along better with his best friend than him. Especially since their affair. He'd found out the week prior that Freya and Will had had an affair. Things began to go downhill merely days after that. He couldn't leave Freya then, not while she was ill. He hadn't been sure about going to the Christmas ball, but Freya had assured him that he needed a night out, that it'd do him good. So he reluctantly left her and headed over to the hotel.

"Where is she?" Merlin muttered to himself, checking his watch. 18:23.

Not bothering to wait for what would inevitably be a very slow reply, Merlin clicked onto the green phone icon and called Morgause.

"Where are you?"

"I'm on the way".

"You live five minutes away" Merlin scoffed. "How far are you?"

"Taxi's stuck in traffic" Morgause answered.

"You got a taxi?" Merlin raised his eyebrows. "Wouldn't it be quicker to walk?"

"I live on the other side of Hyde park, Merlin" Morgause scoffed. "It's two miles away! I'm not walking that far in heels".

"Seeing as you're already halfway there now can't you just hop out and walk the rest of the way?" Merlin tried to keep the whine out of his voice, though it was hard to. Too much had happened that past week.

"Just be patient" Morgause rolled her eyes as she applied her lipstick, even though he couldn't see her Merlin knew she would be rolling her eyes through the phone. "It doesn't even start until seven".

"Oh I know. I'm just standing here alone looking like a twat".

"In my experience you don't need any help looking like a twat" Morgause smirked.

They hadn't planned to end up in bed together, nor expected. Morgause had planned to go home after the ball and back to her own bed. She didn't expect what happened to happen.

It wasn't supposed to be big deal, after all the ball happened annually. Though the events of that night not only changed her and Merlin's lives as they knew it, but also many others. For it would often only take one glance, one kiss, one night. The night that everything changed and if anything, paved the way for the lives of many people. One thing was for certain though, they'd gone way too far to ever come back from this.

"Sleep okay?" Merlin asked as he lazily opened his eyes and turned to face his lover.

"As well as I could" Morgause answered as she sat up in bed, a pained look across her pale face.

"Painkillers?" Merlin asked.

Morgause shook her head. "No, I had some paracetamol earlier. I'm trying not to rely on them too much. We knew this would happen".

"How did we let it amount to this?" Merlin wondered out loud. "From that one night, to now".

Morgause stumbled as she slid down from the bar stool, Merlin catching her in his arms.

"Careful" Merlin warned as he looked into her eyes.

"I'm okay, really" Morgause insisted, finding herself gazing into those ethereal blue eyes.

"You sure?" Merlin asked, concern lacing his voice. "You seem a bit tipsy".

"Really" Morgause smiled. With that, she put her arms around his neck and leant up and kissed him, rather surprised when he kissed back. Their lips entwined, Morgause grabbing his back and he pulled her closer to him.

"Well" Merlin breathed after they parted. "It's getting late".

"Oh you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. Like you said, life's too short I guess".

"I didn't expect it to get this far" Morgause said quietly, tears glistening in her eyes. She wouldn't admit it if anyone had asked, but she couldn't help but think that starting to sleep with Merlin had been the worst decision she had made. It was not.

Soon enough, a year since the affair begun had passed. They thought things had seemed hard then, yet that hardship was nothing compared to what was happening now, the hardships that had since arisen. They sat together waiting, waiting to find out if they'd be struck off, what the consequences would be for what happened. Just sitting, waiting, wishing for things to be okay. For the Christmas ball was almost a year ago now, and so much had changed in that year. They'd lost friends along the way, found out revelations that would change lives. Even with all that happened, it came down to one thing. It all came down to what would happen in that courtroom.