A/N: I know that nearly everyone has their own reimagined version of Knockout (S3E24) and Rise (S4E1). But It always bothered me that Beckett looked so good in the hospital when Castle finally came to visit. Yes I know it was "some time" but come on. She had just had major heart surgery! I've visited people in the ICU after heart surgery and they didn't look this good. Even after they were transferred out of the ICU a week later. So I'm filling in the gaps, starting with the shooting (S3 E24 and S4 E1) and ending with seeing Castle. Or her recovery… we shall see where this one ends.

TW: possibly graphic and realistic depictions of anatomy, surgery, CPR etc. Everyone makes it out, but I'm not sugar coating it.

Chapter 1

Rick Castle:

I had told her I loved her. I had watched the light fade from her hazel eyes and told her I loved her. No one comes back from something like that. That was so far past the point of no return, so far over the line that I wondered if there ever was a line to begin with.

I had pressed on her chest hard, each slowing heartbeat oozing more and more blood past my fingers. Lanie had pushed me off, having gloves already on and pushing gauze deeper into the wound. I had leaned in close to maintain eye contact with Kate, sinking my fingers into her hair. Whispering as her eyelids fluttered and her eyes threatened to roll back.

"No Kate. Stay…..Stay…..I love you. I love you."

The world slowed as her eyes closed gently, the muscles in her neck slackening as her head cascaded to the side. Everything from that point forward was as if I was at the bottom of a well, the world moving around me, sounds being heard but unable to identify their source or their direction. The people, events, everything, a blur. I remembered the medics arriving, the sudden gasp from Lanie as she yelled at Kate. The same yells repeated as she intimidated the medics, keeping them from taking over. I climbed into the back of the already crowded ambulance, seeing nothing but Lanie's competent hands pounding onto Kate's chest with an insane intensity.

The nightmare repeats itself every time I close my eyes. So I don't close them.

Lanie Parish:

She can't go. Not like this. Being a cop has its dangers, I know. Being best friends to cops I see it. Javier has his horror stories, battle scars, near misses. I see the toll it takes on him. And on Kate. The scars and gallows humor are all part of the defensive game. But it's a different game when the victim becomes someone I know. Someone I care about. Someone who I share wine with as I spill the tea about the cute boys at the club and dates gone bad. Someone who's autopsy I know I will not be able to perform.

I wouldn't dare pick anyone in our office for Kate Beckett's autopsy. No one would be good enough. Not even Perlmutter. Kate is the best detective in New York City. Is? Was? I can't think about any of this in past tense right now. I did Roy Montgomery's autopsy, and that was hard. I couldn't possibly do hers. And I could never pick someone. That's why she can't go. That's why I yelled at her for the entire six minutes of chest compressions in the ambulance. A record.

Bullets sometimes trace a wild track through bodies. Especially sniper bullets. Castle had done a good initial job of pressure, but he was too distracted to keep going. Kate really liked the man, and he was starting to grow on me too, but come on. Focus was what she needed. Focus was how she had stayed alive this long. And it was how she was going to make it out of this alive. Castle needed to focus.

I had literally felt her heart slow to a stop under my hands. I work with dead bodies. It's the alive ones that haunt me. This one will haunt me forever. That's why she can't go. Not like this.

Post Incident Officer Involved Shooting Report

Reporting Officer: Kirklan Rogers

Official typed transcript of interview with Dr. Joshua Davidson (Josh).

Rogers: Thank you for meeting with me for this report. I understand that you have your own reporting and charting, but as this was an officer involved shooting, we need our own reports to corroborate the timeline of the incident.

Josh: Of course.

Rogers: Please start at the beginning. When was the first you became aware of this particular incident?

Josh: The ambulance had phoned ahead. Gunshot wound. In my opinion we see far too many of those in our Emergency Rooms.

Rogers: This is an official report. Objective. Please no opinions Dr. Davidson.

Josh: I understand. I had been called in for a 31 year old female GSW to the chest. My specialty is Cardio-Thoracic surgery, so I was an automatic call for this code. When the patient arrived, her heart rate was thready, losing lots of blood, pressure dropping critically. I never expected it to be someone I knew. Especially Kate.

Rogers: Kate as in Detective Katherine Beckett.

Josh: Yes.

Rogers: And what was your relationship to the detective?

Josh: She's my girlfriend. We've been dating almost a year now. I knew her job was dangerous, but she told me that she always wore body armor when dealing with people with guns. Or so I thought. Plus she was at a funeral that day. Who gets shot up at a funeral? I couldn't help my emotions when she ended up in my E.R.

Rogers: I understand. Again, please try to keep this objective. Prior to revealing your relationship with the victim, you mentioned her heart rate was thready. Could you explain this further?

Josh: Yes. The patient's - Kate's- heart rate wasn't holding its rhythm steady. It was slowing and the ventricles were jolting, what we call thready. The drop in pressure indicated she was losing blood internally at a rapid pace. After I had identified the patient as Kate, I instructed Dr. Kovacs to be paged to take over because of the conflict of interest.

Rogers: You're pausing?

Josh: At the time, even though I had paged Dr. Kovacs, I still had a very critical patient in front of me. I had to act.

Rogers: I know this may be difficult for you.

Josh: Yes, it was difficult at the time. Still is now.

Rogers: Because of the emotional complications of operating on a direct relative or acquaintance?

Josh: Yes…. I ….. I couldn't just stand there. I had to help as best I could. I….I like being a surgeon because I have control. I trust myself and I hate relying on others. That's what drew me to Kate - she's the same way. I couldn't control the situation for her, and that was very difficult for me. I had to trust others. I'm glad that it was Dr. Kovacs. Even knowing the risk of the conflict of interest, I performed the thoracostomy to try to get a handle on the bleeding and pressure while we waited.

Rogers: Thoracostomy? The chest tube.

Josh: Yes. The thoracostomy revealed a lot of internal bleeding in her left chest and we had to intubate. As we had already cut into the left thoracic cavity for the tube, we made entry just above it with the rib spreader to locate the bleeding. The left inferior pulmonary vein was severed which I discovered by maneuvering and compressing the left lung. Although difficult to reach from the position I had maintained, I was able to stitch it up as Dr. Kovacs entered the surgical suite. Dr. Kovacs took over from there as I excused myself.

Rogers: For the report, could you possibly describe the location and/or damage to the pulmonary vein?

Josh: It isn't very big, maybe the size of a pinky finger if I had to give it a size. Upper to middle part of the heart, mainly behind the main pulmonary trunk, but much closer to the heart itself. As a function, it transfers oxygenated blood from the lung into the heart. She's lucky.

Rogers: What made her lucky?

Josh: The bullet bounced.

Rogers: Bounced?

Josh: It ricocheted off the edge of her sternum, just a fraction of a centimeter. This caused the bullet to turn slightly down. It sliced the pulmonary vein and split open the left ventricle.

Rogers: That doesn't sound lucky.

Josh: If the bullet had been straight. It…It would have ripped right through the pulmonary trunk and aorta. We would be having a ….. a very…. a very different conversation right now.

Rogers: I understand. Thank you for your information. Once Dr. Kovacs arrived, you left the surgical suite?

Josh: There was nothing more I could do. Yes I left it to Hans - Dr. Kovacs.

Rogers: Thank you.

Post Incident Officer Involved Shooting Report

Reporting Officer: Kirklan Rogers

Official typed transcript of interview with Dr. Hans Kovacs.

Rogers: Dr. Kovacs, thank you for meeting with me for this report. I understand that you have your own reporting and charting to complete, but as this was an officer involved shooting, we need our own reports to corroborate the timeline of the incident. Could you start with your first encounter with the patient?

Kovacs: I had been called in as secondary to take over for Dr. Josh Davidson due to a conflict of interest. All information I had was a 31 year old female, GSW to the left chest. As I entered the surgical suite, Dr. Davidson was completing repair of the left inferior pulmonary vein. After Dr. Davidson left, the patient's stats indicated that she was bleeding elsewhere.

Rogers: Other than the interior pulmonary vein?

Kovacs: Left inferior pulmonary vein. And yes. We discovered she had a distended pericardium. The bullet had just grazed the edge of her left ventricle, and the resulting blood was pooling into the pericardium. We clipped the pericardium to immediately relieve the pressure. The patient's heart went into fibrillation and required two rounds of shocks and compression to stabilize.

Rogers: The patient's heart stopped beating?

Kovacs: Momentarily, yes. It is a fairly common reactionary response to the pericardium being cut. The ventricle muscles were also reacting.

Rogers: How long was the patient's heart not beating?

Kovacs: Just two rounds of shocks and compression, barely two minutes. If I had to give a time estimate.

Rogers: That wasn't the end though?

Kocavs: No. The ventricular tear was repaired and the heart beat stabilized. However, the patient's pressure numbers were still critical with the chest cavity still filling with blood. The patient had significant fluid in the left lung despite the drainage tube and suctioning, indicating something bleeding inside the lung itself.

Rogers: The bullet went through her lung as well?

Kovacs: Yes. The bullet had entered just behind the lingula and went into the inferior lobe.

Rogers: That's where you found it?

Kovacs: Correct. The bullet was removed as well as a small portion of the left inferior lobe. It couldn't be saved, unfortunately.

Rogers: Once that was performed, the patient began to stabilize?

Kovacs: Correct. We then stitched up the pericardium. Used suction and drainage to check for further leaks and began to close up. Once the rib spreader was removed, wires were placed between ribs nine and ten to hold them in place. The other ribs broken during intake compressions would repair on their own. The muscles and fascia were stitched back by the operating nurse. We kept multiple thoracostomy tubes in place in the lung and thoracic cavity to prevent any further complications, and to keep the newly exposed lung tissue moist to promote healing.

Rogers: How long did the surgery take?

Kovacs: From beginning to end?

Rogers: Yes.

Kovacs: Well Dr. Davidson had the first ten minutes, and I took care of the rest. By the time we finished closing the patient up, the surgical nurse informed me it was close to three hours. From start to finish.

Rogers: Thank you.

Kovacs: Of course. She's lucky.

Rogers: Lucky?

Kovacs: A few centimeters to the right…. she was very close to nearly instant death.