Chapter XCIII: Anger

Yami woke to a strange stirring in the back of his head. His heart felt lighter than before and his entire body tingled with barely restrained excitement. He shivered as a small draft of cold air crept into the den. It wasn't that he felt cold, but rather he could sense the change as if it were in his blood. Atem would summon snow soon.

He sat up, stretching, and yawned as he circled around again. He had taken to the den closest the village without being in the humans' territory. He planned to access the village later, when he did not feel as if Dimitri might lurk around every corner.

The excitement seemed to grow tenfold as he acknowledged it again. It took a long moment before he realized it was not his. He blinked and shifted his weight to wrap his tail around his paws and stretch out on his belly. He tucked his paws to his chest and lowered his chin, blinking lazily.

Timaeus.

It was instant. The excitement turned to pure joy, tinged with an underlying current of pain.

Yami.

He hummed at the pleasant tone. Hi. He yawned again. How did you know to do this?

I didn't. Atem mentioned that Dimitri spoke to you today, and I thought maybe I could try. I figured if he could manage it, then so could I.

Yami snickered. Good guess, he laughed. But why are you still awake? You have to be tired. Jonouchi is hard to keep entertained and well fed.

Timaeus chortled but his voice still came out slightly scornful. Right. Jonouchi. Atem wants to bite off his paws he's frustrated him so much in just the last few hours. And Yugi is just trying to mediate. I gave up a while ago.

Tell Father not to eat him alive. He wouldn't taste good.

Speaking from experience there, Yami?

Absolutely. He opened his eyes again, blinking against the darkness. It was almost instant when his sight changed to accommodate the long shadows stretched about him. He thought then of Ironheart, telling Atem the shadows cast about would be dark and long.

"You grew through pain. I suppose the darkness surrounding you now can only help mold you further," he'd said. Yami shivered. "It means you adapted to pain before. The one to come in the future may be much worse but you shall learn to bear it as well… You've truly suffered a great deal in life, haven't you?"

Yami tried to smother the guilt as it reared its head. I saved them, he snarled to himself, ignoring the shock that radiated from Timaeus as he heard the words. I saved them. I did. I saved Atem. I saved Yugi. Pain is a lesser punishment than death.

Yami?

He hissed a breath and looked around again, climbing to his paws and ignoring the ache of hollowness that rushed through him. He took a seat again, wrapping his tail around his paws, and looked toward the moon where it hung half-full overhead. I'm fine, he said quietly, considering. Was it waning or filling? He couldn't remember now. The moon was cold and brilliant no matter the sliver missing or gained. He shivered again. I'm fine. I just… I can't always stop thinking about things. Nighttime is the hardest, especially now.

Timaeus was quiet for a long time. Atem said you did it to save them from Dimitri. Yami could feel the hesitancy as he continued. He also said my life was either paid for his or yours.

Yami ignored the pain in his chest again. Yes. Most likely mine, he said finally, because I changed so much in choosing to leave the nest when I did. Just as I changed too much when I killed Bakura myself instead of allowing him to kill Atem in front of me. Death demands repayment. I killed Bakura in exchange for Atem then. And I removed myself to prevent Dimitri killing Atem and Yugi and Jaden. Dimitri went after you to get to Atem and me… The nest died as payment for the God Dragons as a whole.

The silence was almost deafening.

You did what you could where it was necessary. Timaeus hesitated again. Although, if I'd known my life was payment for yours or your fathers', I would have gladly given it.

Yami snarled softly. It was stupid to consider Timaeus would have said otherwise. He knew he would have done anything for Atem. But somewhere in the darkest part of him he'd hoped Timaeus would have been happier with the choice. He'd brought him back from the dead, though he'd lost more than half the time he'd thought he'd have after. He lashed his tail and got to his paws.

What do you mean you lost time?

Yami ignored him for a moment, fighting away the images that threatened to come forth. I thought I'd have more time before Dimitri realized I was alive. He'll come for me now. And I just thought I would have more time before that happened.

He should have known better. Resentment coursed through him for a moment. Atem had been right. He was stupid to have meddled like this. He should have accepted that things had to happen—

Atem would also tell you to accept the consequences and live with your actions, Timaeus said shortly, cutting his thoughts off entirely. Yami paused mid-step and blinked, glancing at the moon overhead once more. You made your choices. Whether or not they'll prove to be right later isn't relevant now. Yami, stop for a moment and think. You did a lot of good, even if there was bad to follow.

He shook his head. Would you have even wanted this?

Timaeus didn't answer for a long time. I don't know. When I died, I didn't recall a lot of it. And then you were suddenly there. I followed you. I chose to follow you. I know I'm happy I'm alive now, but in the moment, I don't know what I would have chosen.

Yami sighed and shook his head roughly again, picking his way along the riverbank and toward the steep hill that led into the village. He stopped there and took a seat again. It was too soon to find refuge among them, if he even could. With everything that had developed so rapidly, he was unsure he could truly seek shelter with them.

How are you not angry? Yami snapped after a moment, suppressing a snarl and whipping around to stalk back toward the den he'd chosen. How are you not upset that I hid from you or that I asked Atem and Yugi to lie to you? You should be enraged.

Timaeus didn't answer.

Yami wove around a fallen tree and sprang over the large branches still reaching for the sky from their prone position. He landed easily atop a nearby stone and glanced around. A rabbit scurried past him and for a moment he thought to spring forward after it, but the impulse died.

You asked me one time, why I wasn't angry with Atem when he struck me.

Yami blinked, halting, and for a moment found himself in awe. He'd almost forgotten he was speaking to Timaeus he'd been quiet for so long. He wished all his thoughts could be silenced so easily.

And I told you I couldn't be angry with him when he was so afraid.

Yami hesitated. You have every right to be bitter and resentful. You got dealt the worst circumstances, he muttered. So how can you tell me you feel no anger for all I've done recently?

Timaeus was quiet for another long minute. Yami felt him there, thinking and working for the words to answer, even as he began to walk again.

Atem wasn't angry when you almost got him killed by Bakura, was he?

He paused. No, he answered finally. He was scared of me and he had every right to strike me down when he became so fearful, but he never even got upset about that.

And Yugi was never upset with you when you asked he help you to hide, right?

He faltered again. No, he whispered. He wasn't mad at me for it. He was scared of hurting Atem and being the reason he became unhappy.

Then why should I be mad when you brought me back? I was more upset Atem looked me in the eye and talked in circles to avoid admitting you were alive. And I was hurt that Jonouchi was how I found out. He fell quiet again. But I wasn't mad at you and I'm not upset that you chose to try to protect me instead of immediately telling me.

Yami picked his way around a large fern and glanced at the mouse that scrambled by in a panic. The wind stirred briefly, as if to stroke his scales and offer relief, but the sensation made him ache. He looked around for a moment, weaving around a tree trunk. When he tipped his head up, he realized belatedly he'd almost made his way toward the mountain den.

Home, he thought with a brief pang. He shook it off again. Timaeus, I…

The silence stretched between them for a long minute.

I'm scared, he finally muttered. I've seen what's going to happen, and I'm scared.

When the silence continued, Yami laughed softly. Timaeus had fallen asleep when he hadn't answered. He looked up again, studying the moon, and decided it had to be growing. He prodded gently at the Wind Dragon's consciousness again, finding the familiar sight of a little red dragonet rushing forward squeaking his name. He laughed and shook his head, wondering when he'd gotten so far removed from the little phantom in Timaeus's dreams.

Timaeus woke tired but oddly rested as well. He shifted his weight to sit up, glancing around. Atem had gotten up in the middle of the night and wandered away, it seemed, and Yugi had likely followed just far enough behind as to prevent encroaching but to keep an eye on him. Jonouchi snored loudly in the corner of the den, stretched out on his back with each limb elongated as if to swallow the space around him entirely. Timaeus considered him and fought a groan.

It had only been a day and he already wished him gone.

He shook his head to shove aside the pettiness. He stretched and headed for the entrance, but a sense of quiet discontent made him stop. Remain there, a voice seemed to hiss in his head and he realized immediately it was Yami. Atem and Yugi are speaking.

He blinked. About what happened?

There was a long silence.

Yes. Atem is finally acknowledging some of the pain Yugi inflicted rather than keeping it so firmly under paw. He went quiet again for a moment. It won't ease the anger enough for forgiveness, but it's… It will help.

Timaeus nodded after a moment and looked at Jonouchi again. How did you sleep with this beast?

Yami burst into laughter. He's not too terrible, although when he's eaten he sounds as if he means to mimic a roaring bear, he snickered. I'd forgotten he snores so heavily.

I thought we were under attack, he teased, though he studied him a few moments longer. He wondered if Jonouchi had made Atem wake and wander off.

No. He never slept.

Timaeus paused. Because of me?

Me, Yami corrected gently. I caused him this pain. I haunted his thoughts. He couldn't rest, and Yugi followed when he realized Atem hadn't slept.

He watched Jonouchi for a moment longer, then suppressed a groan as he stepped outside into the sunlight. He's an annoying animal. How does anyone put up with him?

He's friendly, at least, Yami tried, but Timaeus saw split second images that disproved the statement and made his blood hot with anger. Yami sighed softly. Don't be upset. He never acted on his fears. You must give him credit for that.

Timaeus bore his teeth. Must I, though? He huffed and moved toward the river. It roared as it surged past and he could see where it was lower in the bank than it should have been. It was not as strong as usual, as if the summer and fall had drained it of much of its stature. He could have killed you, and Atem and I would never have known the difference.

I know, Yami whispered. But it didn't happen. I'm still here.

Now. He was here now. But what of those longer nights? He sighed and banished the thought. He didn't need to think back on that, nor to make Yami feel guilty for his choices. He'd saved Atem and Yugi. He'd saved him. He'd done what he could with the limited knowledge he'd had.

Do you believe that?

Hmm?

That I made the right choices with what little information I had?

Yes. I would have done anything to save Atem if I'd been given the chance. You had that chance. You took it. He paused when he felt something like pride and misery flash through him. It was sore and aching and he almost flinched away. That guilt you carry… It comes from being so young. I've made choices that I can't take back and I've learned to live with them. It's one of the few gifts age grants you.

Yami was silent for a long time. I got you and Jonouchi both killed. Dimitri destroyed his nest when he couldn't find me. Seto and Kisara are in constant agony because of me. I—

Dimitri chose his own path, Timaeus cut in forcefully, voice sharp and cold. He chose to do those things. You did not force him. You had no paw in it.

What if I did? Yami hesitated. My…birth corresponds with his. We hatched at the same time, down to the second. I know because I felt it. I don't…know how to describe it, but I always felt it. He's been there constantly. He never knew how to reach me, but I always had some kind of miniscule…connection to him.

Timaeus scoffed. Did you tell him to kill his siblings?

No—

Or me?

What? No.

I wouldn't blame you if you did with Jonouchi—He smiled when Yami snickered—but let's face it. You've never wanted to hurt anyone. If Bakura had come when you were alone…

Yami hesitated. I would have run, but I wouldn't have killed him.

Timaeus nodded slightly and looked over his shoulder. Yugi looked pensive and exhausted, and Atem still seemed irritable, but the coldness seemed to have softened from ice to slush and snow. He went to speak again, but there was an odd emptiness in his head. It no longer felt as if there were a distant but constant warmth, like the sun were soaking into his scales.

He frowned as he considered them, forcing away the longing that threatened to overwhelm him. He wished Yami hadn't abandoned him so quickly, but he supposed it was for the best. He didn't know what else there was to say. Yami needed to take time to grieve, to filter through the guilt he'd so often shied away from, and understand what it meant to accept his choices.

Trying to talk him through it wouldn't help forever.

Loss and guilt were something only their respective owner could process.

He'd need to take the time, however…

Timaeus stepped forward. "You seem a little…softer around the edges."

Atem cast him a slightly startled look but quickly shed it in favor of a more amused one. "It must be the sunlight and your weak Wind Dragon eyes," he teased.

Yugi smiled slightly where he stood a few inches away, blue-violet eyes bright as they took in Atem's relaxed stance. He seemed so relieved it was almost heartbreaking. Timaeus wondered for a split second just how badly Yugi had taken the long silences and the colder tones, the short words and rough statements. He'd seen him look at Atem with that crestfallen expression before, but he'd never quite seen the damage Atem's frustrations had inflicted. The God Dragon had always seemed to step up when he had to, and Timaeus had not seen him abandon Yugi altogether.

Maybe that was why Yugi hadn't wavered from his side despite being given the cold shoulder and the sharp glances, the harsh words and the glacial stares. Or maybe Yugi was just that amazing. Timaeus wasn't sure. He could imagine he had to be in order for Atem to even say he loved him in any capacity. After all, Atem had admitted to him more than once that he didn't think he was capable of it and he was afraid Yugi might be waiting for something he could never reciprocate.

Timaeus looked away from them after a moment. "It could be. For a second I thought you didn't look as if you needed to be boxed upside the head."

Yugi snickered and Atem grumbled, playfully sneering the words. Timaeus grinned as he looked over again. The God Dragon opened and closed his mouth obnoxiously, mocking him wholeheartedly, and Yugi burst into guffaws rather than his soft laughter moments before.

"I think you look like a hatchling who doesn't know how to properly close his mouths."

Atem snickered and swatted him with his tail, nearly knocking the wind from his lungs. Timaeus stumbled but quickly regained his footing and smirked, eyeing the God Dragon. "I think you look like you need to be boxed upside the head by Yugi," he announced.

Timaeus whipped his head around to watch the Gandora. "Not again."

Yugi grinned. "I don't know, Timaeus. Atem just requested I do it. I might just have to."

He went to answer, but the words died in his throat. Yugi's attention shot to the den and Timaeus looked over his shoulder. Jonouchi had stumbled to the entrance, stretching lazily. Timaeus flicked his tail and Atem muttered, "I thought he'd remain asleep. It's daylight" even as Yugi began to move toward his friend.

"He's probably hungry again," Yugi said over his shoulder, facing Atem. "He's only ever been active during the day when he's hungry. He's whiny when he's hungry and he's terrible at day hunting, so it was usually my job so he'd shut up and go back to sleep."

Atem snorted. "He sounds like a nightmare."

Yugi laughed. "I'll get him settled again and then go hunting. Maybe by later tonight he'll be back on his nocturnal schedule and he can find food for himself."

The God Dragon didn't answer for a long moment, then murmured, "It's not as if we must bid him farewell. He's fine to stay for as long as it takes the wound to heal." He turned to Timaeus. "And then I'm chasing him out."

Timaeus burst out laughing. "Oh? Is that so?"

Atem snickered and flicked his tail. "Yugi would eat me alive if I tried to chase Jonouchi out. Damn Fire Dragons. They always gang up on you when you think you have the upper paw."

"Oh, is that it? You think you have the upper paw?"

He snorted. "Probably not, but I'd like to pretend I do. Thanks." Atem looked past him. Timaeus turned his head to see then, and found Jonouchi laying on his belly watching them. He made no move to indicate he'd even noticed they were studying him now, and Timaeus had a sudden and abrupt thought.

"Atem…"

The God Dragon grunted.

"Does… Jonouchi even actually see us?"

Atem stiffened in his peripheral. "I would hope so," he hissed, "because if he doesn't, I don't know how many years Yugi will have before his vision becomes just as bad."

"You think it would?"

"I've noticed it regressing already. It happened a while back. We were hunting and I told him that I'd spotted a rabbit. He came up behind me and spent a minute trying to find it. When it moved he saw it instantly, but when it was just there in the straw he was blind to it." He faltered. "The distance was much farther than Jonouchi is from us, but it was startling. He'd never had issues like that before. He would have seen the rabbit immediately if he was three years younger."

Timaeus shivered. "Yami gave you night vision, right?"

"Yes, but he was also younger and I don't know that his abilities haven't changed with age. Some may have dissipated altogether or grown and evolved where he's used them enough to strengthen them." Atem blinked and narrowed his eyes. "Jonouchi doesn't see us unless we move. He's tracking my tail because it's constantly twitching. But if I stop, he can't focus enough to see details."

"How do you know?"

Atem stood statuesque for a long moment. Timaeus saw it then. Jonouchi squinted and stained his eyes, narrowing them and tilting his head. After a moment he visibly tensed, as if he didn't understand the two complete different shades of color before him. Did he see their shapes or did that change the longer they were still? He couldn't imagine having such terrible vision. It wasn't something Timaeus had ever considered, let alone thought he'd witness.

He just supposed it was a good thing he didn't have to worry about going blind later in life.

"What happens if Yugi gets to that point?"

Atem remained quiet for a long time. Timaeus looked over again to see what he was focused on and slowly relaxed again. Yugi had brought a deer, using it to entice Jonouchi to follow him into the den. The Red-Eyes wasn't too eager to use his legs and walk, so he crawled and crept instead. Timaeus opened his mouth to say Fire Dragons were lazy beasts, but Atem hissed, "If I ever get to a point where I must crawl upon my belly to move about, I'd rather someone kill me."

Timaeus looked over, startled, but Atem hadn't looked away from the den. His stomach ached as he considered him. He remembered Atem saying something similar several times before. It was often brought up when he was badly hurt after a courtship challenge. But Atem had never quite said it with such disgust before.

He wondered then if he'd never seen it before.

"Yugi would still care for you."

Atem laughed sharply, turning to him. "If someone else will not do it, I'll take my own head," he spat. "I will not be invalid."

He opened and closed his mouth, but the God Dragon and turned away and was stalking toward the trees past the clearing. Timaeus debated following, but he knew from experience whatever was in Atem's head now needed no one else's attention.