Chapter Six
Everything

CHRISTMAS EVE

1715 EST
ROBERST RESIDENCE
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA

Harriet's living room looked like something right out of a Christmas card, and the food sitting out in the kitchen smelled delicious. Bud was out with Little AJ running a few last minute errands, so the women had the house to themselves, the privacy being something Mac was very thankful for.

"I've been meaning to reach out," Harriet started speaking as soon as they sat down on the couch. "It's just that with planning the party and how busy the holidays are and everything -"

"It's okay Harriet," Mac interrupted. "You can say you've been avoiding me."

The other woman's eyes widened, a blush creeping up on her face. "Oh Mac, I -"

"I've been avoiding you too, so we're even," Mac replied. "I just think we really need to talk about everything."

Harriet nodded. Mac could tell she was still guarded, but the fact that she was open to talking left her hopeful.

Mac opened her mouth to continue speaking, but Harriet held a hand up. "Look," she said. "I know I owe you the biggest apology I've probably ever owed you, but I wanted to tell you something first."

Harriet's statement was one of the weirder apologies Mac had ever received, but it was something. At least she knows she needs to apologize, Mac thought ruefully.

"I think….everything happening with Lt. Singer and then finding out about your abortion, brought up a lot of things for me," Harriet paused, and Mac nodded.

"Harriet, I know losing Sarah was an impossible thing for you and Bud to go through-"

"It's not that, well - not just that."

"Oh-"

"Mac, can you just let me finish?"

Mac blinked, this new snappy side of Harriet something she'd only ever encountered on her wedding day. "Sorry, go ahead."

"After losing Sarah, I couldn't imagine…you know, choosing to not be a mother, but then…" hands wrung in a tight knot in her lap, Harriet looked up at Mac, her expression unreadable. "Mac, I'm pregnant."

Mac's eyes widened, but she was still unsure if she'd regained speaking privileges. Finally, the silence got so loud that she knew she had to say something. Her gut urge was to congratulate Harriet, but Harriet didn't look like someone who wanted to be congratulated.

"How do you feel about it?" she asked instead.

Harriet sighed, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair. "I don't know," she said. "That's horrible, I know."

"It's not horrible," Mac replied with a small smirk. "You realize who you're talking to, right?"

Harriet's eyes widened. "I'm not saying what you did was horrible-"

"I know, Harriet."

Leaning back against the sofa, Harriet drew her knees up to her chest. Meanwhile, Mac watched her carefully.

"How far along are you?" Mac asked.

"About five weeks," Harriet replied. "I'm due in late August," she turned to look at Mac. "When were you due? Is that an okay thing to ask?"

Mac chuckled. "You can ask me anything, I don't mind. I was due in January. He would've been eleven next month if - well, you know."

"You knew -"

"No," Mac shook her head. "I didn't know it was a boy, but-"

"You still knew, I get that," Harriet looked down at her stomach. "I think this one is a boy, too. Maybe that's because I couldn't imagine having another girl besides Sarah, I don't know."

After a few beats of silence passed, Mac finally asked the question that had been hanging over their heads since Harriet had shared the news.

"Are you going to keep it?"

Harriet didn't seem surprised by the question; she had been waiting for it to come. "I am," she said. "But I thought about…not."

Mac nodded.

"I'm just….I'm so scared of something going wrong again."

"Harriet, you shouldn't think like that."

"That wasn't all, though," Harriet continued. "It felt like I just got through the worst of grieving Sarah, and now I have to prepare to meet this new baby who won't even know one of their siblings. And while I'm trying to grieve I also have to take care of AJ, and then Bud loses his leg, which we still have bills to pay for, and we have the new house and stuff that needs to be paid for that too. And this is all just soon, AJ's not even four. It's just-"

"A lot," Mac finished unceremoniously.

"Yeah," Harriet agreed, reaching up to swipe a stray tear that had somehow managed to slip out. "It's a shit ton," she paused to clear her throat. "And you know what it's like - you always have to give a piece of yourself over to your kids, and I just don't know if that's enough of me left to go around right now."

Mac was about to object, but then she supposed she did know what it was like.

"But I know I want this baby, I just don't know how I'm going to…." she gestured around herself at the Hallmark card living room. "Manage all of this."

"You know I can help you whenever you need," Mac said. "And Harm. I can make him do stuff too."

Harriet laughed. "Thank you," she sniffled quietly. "I was just so angry with you and then I found myself in the same exact position. It's like the universe wanted to prove what a judgemental bitch I was being."

Mac snorted. "Well, you said it, not me."

"Mac, I'm so sorry. Really -"

"It's okay, Harriet. Trust me, I get it," Mac looked over at the Christmas tree in the corner. The first ornament her eyes landed on was a Baby's First Christmas snow globe dated for December 1999 - she couldn't help but smirk at the irony.

"You know, I tried to get Singer to come, but she backed out at the last minute."

Harriet's eyes widened. "Oh my god, Loren," she buried her head in her hands. "I need to apologize to her, too, don't I?"

"Uh yeah, probably," Mac nodded. "A fruit basket or a bouquet of flowers with a nice note might cut it - she's not really the warm and fuzzy type."

"You were able to get through to her, though."

Mac shrugged. "Shared history," she said. "Similar burdens of womanhood."

"Right," Harriet sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "That'll do it."

"It definitely will."

Later on in the night, finding the celebrations inside to be a little much all of a sudden, Mac found herself sitting on Bud and Harriet's front porch, enjoying the cold stillness of the dark yard and the stars above.

"Waiting for Santa Claus?"

Mac looked up to see Harm standing beside the bench she was sitting on. She smirked, scooting to the side to make room for him. "Want to wait with me?"

"Of course."

Harm sat down next to her, the additional warmth of his body next to hers a welcome addition to the minimal heat her jacket was providing. He draped one arm across the back of the bench - not quite around Mac's shoulders, but close enough.

"How did things go with you and Harriet?" Harm asked, his breath coming out in a soft white cloud.

Mac shrugged. "Fine. I'm pretty sure all is forgiven."

Harm gave a soft smile. "That's great, Mac."

"How was your visit with your dad?"

"Nice," Harm smirked. "I did most of the talking as usual, but it was still nice."

Mac chuckled. "That's good to hear."

"Come here, you look cold."

"I'm fine."

"You still look cold, though."

That was how Mac herself wrapped up in Harm's arms on Bud and Harriet's front porch on Christmas Eve.

"We're not usually this close," Mac murmured, breaking the delicate silence that had developed between them. "This is weird."

"We're going to have to be a lot closer than this if we're going to have a baby together, marine."

Mac laughed. "Touche, sailor."

"You know, I actually wanted to talk to you about that."

Suddenly, Mac found the pit of her stomach dropping out, her mind immediately jumping to the worst case scenario.

Oh my god, she thought, Of course I told him I got an abortion a decade ago and suddenly he doesn't want to have a kid with anymore-

She sat up quickly, turning around to face him. "Harm-"

"It's nothing bad Mac, I promise," Harm said hastily. "I just wanted to ask you if you still wanted to wait another two years, that's all."

Mac paused, her shoulders drooping slightly in relief. "Oh, that's all?"

"Yeah," Harm put his hands up in mock surrender. "That's all."

"Harm," Mac started off with a sigh. "I don't know…."

"You don't have to decide anything right now," Harm told her, gently reaching out to pull her back into his arms. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ready whenever you are."

"Thanks…I appreciate that."

"Of course, Mac."

A few more moments of silence passed between them before Mac felt Harm slightly shift, and he spoke again.

"You know I don't want to just be with you because you agreed to have my kid, right?"

Mac looked up at him in complete bewilderment. "Where did that come from?" she asked.

Harm shrugged. "I was just making sure you knew. I didn't want you to think I was…using you or anything."

"Well I'm not using you, either, for the record," Mac said. "I want to be with you for reasons other than your ability to get me pregnant."

Harm chuckled. "Glad to see we're on the same page."

"Me too."

Mac turned her gaze back up to the stars, looking up the vast amount peppering the dark night sky, each one of them infinite. It was the same sky that had been over her apartment in Georgetown, the same one that had been above her in North Carolina and Okinawa and Arizona. It was the same sky her and Harm could one day be raising their still hypothetical child under. There were a lot of things happening under the same sky.

Was Mac ready to be a mom, was she already technically a mom? Did the eight-or-so weeks split between Okinawa and Durham really count as motherhood? As much as Mac had the urge to discount it, discount herself, she knew deep down it had to count for something. It mattered.

"What are you thinking about?" Harm murmured.

"Everything."

Harm chuckled. "A good everything, or a bad everything?"

"I don't know, just everything."

Decided to jump into finishing this little story right after I finished the update to Another Case. This story meant a lot to me, and I'm glad to you guys seemed to enjoy reading this case study of Mac as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know I'll probably get reviews about it , so I figured I'd address it here - I purposefully left the ending ambiguous. I know as a way to remedy how The Baby Deal was handled on the show, it's the instinct to always have Mac have a baby in a story. I'm not saying that with judgement (my most popular story on here is one all about Mac having a baby), but it's just something I've observed, and it didn't feel like the right end to this story. I felt like to end the story with Mac in a delivery room with a newborn would make the story all about Mac's journey to finally having a baby with Harm, and while that's fine, I didn't want it to just be about that. I've had this sentiment echoed by a couple of reviewers, but I want this story to bring depth to Mac and other female characters that they didn't get on the show.

Anyways, rant over. Thank you so, so, so much for reading!

-Harper