The kings were lying on a wide towel atop an ashen grey beach. This wasn't any usual beach, because the ocean wasn't water - it was bubbling, flowing lava.
"Nice of ya to finally visit my kingdom," Bowser said, adjusting his sunglasses.
Dedede took a drink of his mojito, the perfect compliment to their surroundings. A fiery landscape might be fearsome to many, but not to the penguin. He felt like a total badass being here, and the air was so pleasantly dry and warm, he felt like he was wrapped up in a heated blanket.
Of course, his stifling, thick robe had no place in a place like this, so it – and the rest of his clothes – were gone, and he lay there wearing nothing, basking in the warmth. It felt natural, and surely they were close enough by now that it wouldn't be weird. Bowser didn't seem to mind, and besides, it wasn't like he was really wearing any clothes either.
It was nice. Since most would consider this place inhospitable, the two kings had the area all to themselves. And even with all this open space, they still laid together.
Dedede rolled over a little closer. He cautiously put his hand on the Koopa's soft, rubbery belly.
No reaction.
So he decided to rub around it in circles, eliciting a grunt from his fellow ruler.
"What are you doin', ya little weirdo?" Bowser growled.
"J-just… well…" Dedede's words failed him. It was a struggle to even form two, let alone a complete sentence.
"Don't be an idiot!" Bowser grabbed the penguin's hand forcefully.
The penguin yelped, his heart pounding so hard he thought it would burst out of him and wither away. The lava bubbled loudly nearby.
"Go lower," the Koopa demanded, pushing Dedede's hand downward.
Then he took off the sunglasses and looked Dedede in the eyes, rolling sideways.
His face was moving closer.
And closer.
And closer.
Arms wrapped around him.
Their lips met.
Everything collapsed into a burst of stardust.
Harsh reds. Blazing whites. Yellow and green, the colors of life - the sun, the grass, everything came back to yellow and green. But it wouldn't be complete without blue. Blue sky, blue ocean. Blue ice, that could never survive here, could never stay solid and tangible. Yellow, blue and green, with tones of red and white connecting it all together, like strings holding a puppet aloft.
The moment was interrupted by a bubbling cacophony. The lava encroached too quickly.
Bowser got up and ran.
Dedede tried to do the same, but his legs were like lead moving through molasses. His robe was back on, and the lava caught the back of it - flames spreading up his back and soon to surround his body.
He tried to yell, tried to run, but nothing worked…
Bowser was laughing in the distance, but his voice was loud and clear, as if they were still lying next to each other.
LEATHER AND FEATHERS: CHAPTER 5
"Two Hearts Racing"
The wall was the first thing Dedede saw as his eyes popped open. His next sensory input was the sound of Bowser snoring… and then the vibrations coming from him.
Dedede realized an arm was wrapped around him and sighed fondly. Looks like Bowser's at it again.
He laid there for a minute, not wanting to escape from Bowser's hold.
He felt like a big, scary creature had just captured him… so why did it feel good?
He tried to remember what he'd dreamt about. It seemed important. He closed his eyes, thinking maybe he could catch the idea again if he focused.
Rringgg!
Dedede awoke again with a start. His cellular phone was ringing.
He had to struggle and slide under the blanket to get out from under the Koopa who was spooning him.
Rringgg!
He picked up the pink phone with an antenna that was making a ringing sound on the dresser. He pressed one of the buttons, shaped like a star with rounded corners.
"Hello? Hi Kawasaki. I was about to come and tell you. Huh? Why wouldn't I wanna eat? Yeah, pancakes would be good again. But with chocolate chips this time, okay?"
Bowser yawned, turning around in the bed. "Mornin'."
"Sup." Dedede felt stupid immediately after. That sounded so unnatural coming out of my mouth.
The Koopa rubbed his eyes. "What… is that thing ya were talking to?"
"Oh, this?" Dedede held it up. "This is called a cell phone."
"What's a cell phone?"
"We have these here. If you're familiar with walkie-talkies, it's like that, but you can talk from much farther apart. I don't really know the specifics of how it works. Magic, I guess."
Bowser looked up at the ceiling. "Ah. So…"
"Do you get it?"
"Of course I get it. I think they have those on my planet. Everyone bugs me to get one but I never bothered."
"Who's 'everyone?'"
Bowser looked down at himself. "Second question. How… how did I get into yer bed?"
"Probably by climbing in. Since we've already established yer a cuddle slut."
"I am not a cuddle slut, ya wish! And watch your language! This is Pop Star, talkin' like that could get you arrested!"
"Defensive, are we? A little embarrassed that you're so needy?"
"Grrr… I was drunk, gimme a break!"
"That's enough outta you." The penguin's eyes widened. "Oh! I just noticed..."
"What?"
"Your shell is over there on the floor."
"Well, yeah, otherwise, your mattress would be in pieces right now."
"It's just... you seem kinda... naked without it." Dedede tugged at his clothes, which felt incredibly constricting right now.
"Ooooh, is the penguin king awestruck by my flagrant nudity?"
"I mean..."
"Relax. That shell is like a backpack. Everything you really wanna see is tucked away anyhow." Bowser let out another yawn, more akin to a growl.
"W-who says I want to see anythin' else?"
"Figure of speech, Deeds."
"Well, it's a dumb speech and you're a dumb face!"
"Wow, you're really not good at verbal sparring, are ya?" Bowser turned around onto his side.
"Oh, what do you know..." Dedede paused. "Hmm."
"What's up?"
"This is early morning light, but I feel so rested, what's goin' on? We were up past sunrise."
Bowser looked outside. "And wasn't it kinda foggy before? Now it's sunny."
Dedede shrugged. "Anyway, breakfast should be ready soon. Let's head down."
The pair sat down in the same kitchen they'd last broken fast within.
Kawasaki put a plate of pancakes in the middle of the table, alongside eggs, sausages and home fries. "Sire, are you looking forward to the Gourmet Race later today?"
Dedede blinked rapidly. "Today? Surely ya mean tomorrow."
Bowser grabbed some food for his plate and started to dig in.
Kawasaki shook his head. "No, today is the commencement ceremony and the King's Race."
Dedede sat up straight. "Shit! I mean, shoot! Bowser! We slept an entire day and night!"
Bowser yawned, uncaring. "We musta needed it."
"Is that all you have to say!?"
The chef stepped back. "Should I leave, or-"
"Maybe I am a bad influence," Bowser said. "Sleeping in, swearing…"
"This isn't funny, Bowser! Stop eating now! We need to save room!" Dedede began his usual anxiety routine.
"But the pancakes…" Bowser pouted.
"I'll put them in the fridge fer later," the penguin suggested.
Bowser scrunched up his muzzle. "Reheated leftover pancakes? Pass."
"Whatever, dig your own grave." Dedede turned around, getting out of his chair and starting to pace.
Bowser shrugged and took another mouthful.
On the outskirts of town, where the fields began rolling, the race track was almost done being set up.
Streamers were hanging between tall wooden poles. People were gathered at the sides of the track, a long dirt road, finding seating wherever they could, whether that be a hill, a rock, or a folding chair.
There were a few bleachers set up along the path, all the way to the finish line, and they were quite full already, as the spots were first come, first served.
People came from all over the planet to witness this event.
Someone was blowing on a toy vuvuzela. It got annoying really fast.
"It's too bad we couldn't train yesterday," Dedede groaned, approaching the raceway. "I feel totally unprepared fer this."
"At least you've done it before. I'm gonna be a total noob." Bowser scuffed his heels in the dirt as he walked.
At the start of the track, a huge wooden stage had been built. Above it hung a giant blue banner with the words "GOURMET RACE" painted in gold. Large speakers were set up at its corners, connected to a microphone held by the announcer onstage.
Usually, Dedede helped out with this project, but this time he'd been… busy.
The cheering became deafening when the penguin came into view of the crowds. High expectations, he thought.
He and Bowser climbed up on the stage, clouds rolling by above them.
Dedede could see Kirby, Adeleine, Bandana Dee and Wanda waving and cheering amongst the crowd. Farther down, he noticed the Dame Kibble waitress from the other night. She gave him an encouraging little wave.
The announcer stood behind the podium. He was a moustached, pale, ghostly looking town resident whose name escaped the penguin. "Here is a leader who needs no introduction. Please welcome... King Dedede!"
Dedede held up his arm and waved sheepishly, amid loud applause and cheering.
"Usually, we see him racing with our friend Kirby, but today, due to special circumstances, there will be a change. Please give a round of applause for his new competitor, from across the stars… King Bowser Koopa!"
The picnic group and Wanda and a few Waddle Dees clapped. Dame Kibble whistled. Mostly there was silence. Bowser scratched his head.
As the announcer rambled on about the history of the race, a few scattered clouds rolled slowly across the sky, sun streaming down on everyone. This just made the unprepared Dedede sweat even more.
They stepped down the stairs at the back of the stage and approached the start of the race track, where a large metal scale was set up, massive enough to even accommodate the Koopa King. A rail came up from the bottom, supporting a digital screen with some red buttons underneath.
The pasty announcer waved them over to the scale. "We'll weigh you now, and again after you finish."
Bowser got on the scale first. "Are you gonna, like, announce what we weigh?"
The announcer adjusted his moustache. "Legally we can't, unless you sign a waiver."
"Good. Wouldn't want Dede feeling embarrassed," Bowser quipped.
"Yeah," Dedede scoffed, "That's what yer worried about."
"Totally! But also worried that you'll lose to me and be super humiliated in defeat!" Bowser grinned.
Dedede rolled his eyes. "Don't be so certain, noob."
"Please," the Koopa King replied. "Eating and running? This is supposed to be a challenge? Don't make me laugh."
The audience hooted and hollered. That random vuvuzela screamed out again, louder than ever into the afternoon air.
Blue and red confetti poured out of large machines propped around the track.
The announcer gripped his microphone tightly, fingers trembling from the pressure. "Everyone, get ready. Today, history will be made."
Lil' dramatic, but okay, thought the Koopa.
Bowser and Dedede stood at the starting line, a red ribbon stretched across the ground, waiting for them to step over it. A Waddle Dee waited next to it.
They eyed each other intently.
"I'm gonna kick your ass," Bowser said smugly.
"I wouldn't be so sure," replied the penguin, returning a steely glare.
The announcer interrupted their trash talking.
"Contestants, get ready!"
The Waddle Dee held up a yellow checkered sign. It had the number 3 on it.
"On your marks…"
Now the Waddle Dee spun the sign around, the 3 changing to a 2.
Dedede leaned forward on his right foot.
"Get set…"
The sign spun once more, counting down to 1.
Bowser cracked his knuckles.
"GO!"
The Waddle Dee pulled out a party popper and shot it off, confetti flying, the force of which sent him falling down to the ground. He got up quickly and fled the scene.
They both started running. The crowd roared.
Dusty clouds formed behind them as they hurried along the track. Onlookers shouted and cheered Dedede's name.
What about me? Bowser thought. No love for the away team?
He shook his head and focused back on the task at hand. The bird king was slowly gaining ground, grabbing food and throwing it into his mouth with surprising dexterity.
S'pose he did say he's done this before. Well, I'm gonna give him a run for his tummy!
Bowser ran faster. He still wasn't going at full speed. The Koopa caught up, and easily kept pace with the penguin.
"That as fast as you can run, chubby? No wonder they just hand ya the pity medal every year."
The penguin inched ahead, not allowing the turtle to fluster him this time. "I'm just getting started. I'm conservin' my energy fer the entire race, not just one stretch."
Bowser elbowed him out of the way. "Whatever, see ya in the reflection on my trophy!"
He ran ahead, looking back with a raised eyebrow, but Dedede still appeared confident.
The Koopa saw a piece of cake on the ground.
This can't be sanitary.
He shrugged and gobbled it up anyway. Mmm, buttercream!
He stopped to pick up various items and eat them. A donut here, some grapes there… cherries… pizza… candy… Some of the options were healthy, but the majority were decidedly not.
He wondered if the audience got to eat the leftovers when the race was over.
They passed through a fruit orchard, hopping and nabbing apples off the trees. Bowser wasn't a very good jumper, so he couldn't reach much. Dedede, on the other hand, was startlingly an aerial acrobat, at least compared to the Koopa King. The feathered fellow was leaping high off the ground, even seeming to float at times.
They progressed further along the course. Bowser was beginning to get out of breath, slowing down. The stop-and-go rhythm of picking up food and eating it and then running again didn't help matters.
Meanwhile, the bird king, a few yards behind him, was grabbing things off the ground as he ran, not even stopping as he did so. He seemed to dash even faster than he'd ever moved before.
Bowser was just about to reach for a particularly delicious-looking sandwich, when Dedede sped by, yoinking it as the reptile reached for it.
The Koopa growled playfully, but with a tinge of competitive aggression.
"This means war," he said.
The penguin ran ahead, but the turtle pushed himself and caught up quickly.
Bowser grabbed Dedede's trailing robe, yanking it, and made the penguin come to a dead stop, flip up into the air, and fall on his back with a yelp and a thud. A large cloud of dust rose around him as he landed.
Bowser used his momentum and sped past.
"You'll pay fer that, mister!" shouted the avian.
The reptile stomped along, passing a checkpoint in the track, picking up more delicacies along the way. First, a pie slice which he hastily shoved into his mouth, crumbs on his cheeks. Next, he inhaled a rice ball, barely even chewing.
When he saw a plate of salad, however, he chose to ignore it.
The noises of audience cheering floated along the wind in his face. He knew those sounds weren't for him, but he chose to pretend otherwise.
Except the vuvuzela, he thought. That's all for Dede.
The Koopa picked up more and more food. And then more still. It was getting harder to swallow.
He came to a wooden ladder, leading to a higher fork in the path, and climbed up it for a second until one of the rungs broke under his weight, sending him falling down on his rump.
"Ow…" Bowser rubbed his keister, struggling to get back to his feet.
Dedede overtook him again. "Later, loser," he mocked, jogging ahead.
Guess we're both takin' the low road.
Watching the penguin move, so agile compared to his usual clumsiness, darting around obstacles and finding little shortcuts, filling his belly with food all the way along… Bowser felt like he was watching a real athlete at work. Even if the sport was high-speed competitive eating.
How hasn't he even broken a sweat!?
The turtledragon brushed himself off and resumed his sprint. He wasn't much for running, being more of a lumberer, but he wasn't about to let that cocky featherbag get all the glory.
The food was so plentiful, Bowser wondered how any normal person could perform this race without developing gastrointestinal complications. He hoped Dedede had some antacid tablets back at the castle.
The bird was gaining even more ground, now out of Bowser's reach.
The Koopa tried to catch up, but his legs were on fire.
Bowser picked up snack after snack, the dopamine from the food leading him along as his big loud feet carried him.
He noticed that the penguin was leaving food behind. He hadn't grabbed every item indiscriminately like Bowser.
So that's his strategy… little bird's got a big brain.
No matter how hard he sprinted, he could no longer keep up with Dedede, who was becoming a small figure in the distance.
Sweat was dripping down Bowser's forehead and he panted for breath.
The chanting of the crowd followed Dedede, with Dream Land denizens strewn along the sidelines of the racetrack, so as their king moved along, so did the noise, leaving bored quietude in its wake.
Bowser felt really uncomfortable, with everyone silently watching him fail at racing. He flushed in his cheeks, wanting to disappear.
Eventually, he slowed down, unable to sustain the pace, especially with his belly already so full.
Not like I'm catchin' up with him at this rate, anyhow.
His gut was sloshing around, bouncing with every heavy step. Dedede was so far ahead of him now, the race may as well have been decided.
Guess I ain't winnin', he thought. May as well load up on free grub then.
So he ate.
He ate and he ate and he ate some more.
If he couldn't win the race, he damn well wasn't going to turn down an opportunity to gorge while he was here.
And so…
He ate.
His stomach was cramping. The Koopa's tongue and taste buds were raw and overstimulated. His teeth felt chalky.
"Maybe one bite more…"
"I regret every decision I've ever made," Bowser groaned, rubbing his belly.
Dedede hiccupped as they walked away from the racetrack, which had looped back to the starting area. "I feel…. kinda dizzy…"
"Blood sugar's prob'ly through the roof," the Koopa said, letting out a loud belch, a few embers rushing out into the air. "Congrats, by the way."
"Fer what?" the penguin asked, perplexed.
"You won."
The bird stared at Bowser's gut. I'm not so sure, looking at that plentiful pot.
Dedede blinked. "I crossed the finish line first. That just means I get a bonus. The amount of food collected also contributes to your points. We still have to get weighed - a sufficient increase can turn the tables at the last minute, and you're definitely looking pudgier than usual." He reached over and slapped Bowser's stomach.
Bowser winced as his tummy jiggled. "Screw off, I'm gonna be sick…"
Sunset was beginning to approach, hesitantly, the blue sky transitioning into the periphery of red.
They approached the scales again, amid cheers from the crowds.
The announcer came over to them. "The winner of the race proper was King Dedede!"
Loud applause.
"Now," he continued, "We will determine the weights of our participants."
Dedede stepped up onto the scale first. The red digital number on its face zoomed quickly from 0 to… well, it would be rude to repeat the number that showed up.
He hopped off and burped gracefully, sticking out his arms as he landed, looking smug but also feeling uncomfortable at the same time.
Bowser was next. He took a deep breath. Planting his feet on the creaking scale, the number instantly shot up so high that it morphed into glitchy pixels before the glass around it shattered, which didn't even make logical sense.
Is that a built-in feature or somethin'? Technology is incredible… Dedede thought, watching in amazement.
The Koopa looked taken aback. "Do I… do I have to clean that up?"
The announcer gasped into the microphone, which prompted the audience to gasp collectively. It was all very dramatic. "In an astonishing turn of events, we have a new winner! By this measure, the Koopa King has undoubtedly consumed more than double the amount of food that our own liege has!"
Dedede felt crestfallen at first. Don't be a sore loser, idiot. You can mentally whine about this later. But he also felt like he'd had an actual competition for once, so that bulwarked him against the disappointment of losing.
The crowd was silent for a moment, before erupting into a cacophony. There was a mixture of cheering and booing. Mostly the latter. Someone threw a Maxim Tomato in Bowser's face.
Dedede was aghast at his subjects' behavior. "Hey! What gives!? Leave him alone!"
"Why are they heckling me?" the turtledragon shouted, wiping the red gunk from his snout.
You poor thing… I have to put a stop to this NOW!
"They must be upset that ya… well… showed me up," Dedede offered, sighing. "Let me handle this."
The penguin stepped up to the podium, taking a microphone from a stand and tapping it. "Hello? Testin'? 1-2-3 and all that stuff?"
The loud jeers and noises from the audience died down a bit.
"I know yer all surprised by the results of this race," Dedede began, "But it's both rude and disingenuous to be upset with a foreign contestant fer beating me. The race isn't a time fer us to bow down to me and allow me to win, it's… well… a race. We should respect the winner, and I, the actual 'offended party', do not consider this an offense. After all, when Kirby wins, we don't get upset, so Bowser shouldn't be treated any differently. It's actually kind of refreshin' to face such a good challenger!"
Mumbling from the crowd. Then they finally reneged and gave Bowser a proper congratulations, clapping and yelling, after which Dedede beckoned him to come up and join him on the stage to accept the trophy.
He saw Bowser look up and smile gingerly at him. Dedede felt a sudden jolt in his chest.
That smile...
Bowser approached, climbing up to the stage, not breaking eye contact, which made Dedede's heart thump harder and harder. He hoped the Koopa didn't notice him sweating and looking nervous. He didn't even think about the audience watching.
The sky was slowly turning pink and the sun was sneaking behind Dedede, lighting up the Koopa's visage in a handsome, haunting way.
Soon he'll be gone. Just like a ghost.
Bowser flashed another smile, this one more confident, and Dedede's brain stopped processing everything else.
Bowser…
The sounds of the crowd were muted. His peripheral vision was blurry. All he could see were Bowser's red eyes, his hair swaying in the wind, his smile… and his lips…
My friend…
Bowser then took the trophy from the announcer, who'd grabbed it from somewhere while Dedede was distracted.
It was gold, and shaped like a slice of cake. The details in it were impeccable for such a simple design.
The reptile stepped up in front of Dedede and struck a cool pose, holding it up above his head, roaring and breathing fire.
The crowd went wild.
Okay, showboating at a time like this? After I just saved your ass? Come on! Dedede couldn't help but find this behavior cute, as annoying as it was. At least it snapped him out of his weird reverie of distraction.
The announcer stepped over and took the trophy. "We'll have this sent to you later so that you can take it home, Mr. Koopa," he said.
Home… Dedede thought. Bowser's going to have to leave again, soon…
It sure felt good winning that trophy. Right now, that was the only thing that felt good, however.
My stomach is going to explode.
It was getting darker, the afternoon having sunken into evening during the festivities. A moody sunset lit the scene, giving everything a romantic look. Heavy blue clouds moved in to blot out most of the sun, which just barely peeked over the horizon, ready to surrender.
A voice caught Bowser's attention.
"Hey! Wait up!"
It was Bandana Dee.
He was waddling quickly toward the kings, followed closely by Kirby, Adeleine and Wanda.
"Oh, you guys are still here!" Dedede said.
"Of course. We couldn't let Bowser leave without saying our goodbyes," Adeleine smiled up at him.
The penguin looked like he was upset. Or maybe it was just the light.
"Hiiiii," Kirby cried.
"Uh, you too, buddy," Bowser said, waving awkwardly.
"Nice show, both of you," Wanda said. "Now drink some peppermint tea. You'll thank me later. And Bowser…" She paused. "Till we meet again."
The reptile nodded. "Nice meetin' ya. Keep up the good work on yer art stuff."
"You did great in the Gourmet Race, Bowser!" Bandana Dee added, clapping. "Come back soon!"
"Thanks, Bandee. You a real one," the turtle replied.
"Yeah, he DID do great. He kicked my tailfeathers, fair and square," Dedede remarked, faintly smirking. "Good job, Koopa."
A compliment?
"Bowser! Bowser Bowser Bowser Bowser…" Adeleine said, beaming. "Thank you for visiting again, and for bringing so much fun to Dream Land! I hope we can see you again someday, I…"
She started tearing up, wiping her eyes with her baggy sleeves.
What!?
She ran over and hugged him.
Bowser was taken by surprise. He put an arm around her, extra careful with his bracelets.
"Awh, t-thanks kiddo. You be good now." Bowser was bashful.
Sniffling, she backed away. "And thank you for spending time with Mr. Dede. I think you made him very happy."
Dedede looked away. "W-what do you know, huh!?"
Bowser glanced at him.
Hmm… not sure if I buy it. I'm still 50/50 on what he thinks about me. For all I know, this could all just have been him bein' charitable to keep me from destroyin' his town…
They all went their separate ways, except the kings, who remained together.
There were numerous yellow, glittering stars hovering over the grass a few yards away from the racetrack. People were hopping on them left and right, and soaring off into the sky as if they were vehicles.
Dedede's friends each got on and waved, flying away to their respective homes.
"These are Warp Stars," Dedede explained as they walked toward them. "They'll take us home really quick."
"'Home'?"
The stars were disappearing as the last of the riders, including the announcer, flew off.
"As- as in my castle."
"I know, it's just funny ya phrased it that way. It's been startin' to feel like I live there, hasn't it?" Bowser played with his mane.
"Y-yes... but… ya have to leave soon, right?" Dedede scuffed his foot on the grass.
"Yeah…" Bowser tried not to look disappointed. Was that a statement of fact, or a suggestion? It could've been the latter – he'd definitely overstayed his welcome by this point.
The avian gestured at one of the remaining starry vehicles. "So, the Warp Star… just, grab onto it and think about where you wanna go. In this case, my castle. And then, you can control its direction by- well, you'll feel how it works when yer on it."
"Sounds… dangerous. What if I fall off?" the turtle asked.
"Try to not."
"O...kay?"
Dedede stayed back and waited, watching.
Bowser grabbed onto the Warp Star, and it made a weird twinkly sound, levitating slightly, before taking off like a shot.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" He wasn't expecting it to zoom off immediately.
It yanked him upward about fifteen feet, before it slipped from his fingers, sending him spinning back down to the grassy floor with a loud crash.
The Koopa landed on his shell and was sputtering, the wind knocked right out of him.
"B-Bowser? You okay!?"
The penguin ran over to him, leaning over his head, looking into his eyes upside-down.
This is so humiliating… Bowser thought.
Finally he regained the ability to speak.
"Uhhh…. Can ya help me up? K-kinda hard to right myself when I'm lyin' like this on my shell. Think my spikes are stuck in the grass."
"Oh, uh, right!" Dedede ran around to Bowser's feet. He took both his hands and pulled as hard as he could.
Bowser's shell wouldn't budge. Dedede was straining to drag him off the ground. The reptile pulled back on his hands, instinctively, trying to help. He forgot his strength, however; he tugged the bird king a smidge too hard. The penguin lost his balance, and stumbled, falling forward…
Right on top of the Koopa.
Th-thump!
Oh my god, what's happening!?
"Um, heh…" Dedede's face was inches away from his.
It looked so good in the sunset light. Like a work of art.
"C-caught ya," Bowser said, laughing nervously. He's the softest thing I've ever touched...
Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump.
"Do you… hear something?" Dedede asked.
"N-no… why?"
Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump.
Nobody else was left around in the huge open field, and Bowser couldn't see anything besides Dedede and a background of dark, fast-moving clouds against a fiery sky.
They were still grasping on to one another. Bowser held Dedede by the wrists, large fingers slipping up into his sleeves.
Th-thump. Th-thump.
The penguin's beak was inches from Bowser's snout. "I… feel something… Is that yer heart that's poundin' so hard?" Dedede mumbled.
"No! Why w-would my heart rate be elevated? It's prob'ly you!" Bowser huffed, feeling agitated.
Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump.
"I-I have a perfectly normal heartbeat right now!"
"Y-yeah right, anybody'd be scared to be this close to me!"
Th-thumpTh-thumpTh-thumpTh-thump
"I wouldn't!" Dedede panted.
The pair fell silent.
Their eyes locked.
Th-thump.
"I-I mean, I wouldn't be excited, either!" the penguin added.
"T-then get offa me!" Bowser felt sweat pooling down the side of his face.
He realized they were still holding one another, and quickly loosened his grip.
The penguin slid off the Koopa and stood back up.
Th-thump… Th-thump…
Relief washed over Bowser. Why was that such a tense moment? Need to calm down.
They grabbed hands again, both looking away from each other awkwardly.
"Pull properly this time!" Bowser grunted.
"I'm trying!"
"God, this is fuckin' embarrassing-"
Yank!
Bowser's spikes dislodged from the ground, at last, leaving holes a few inches deep where he'd been stuck. Blades of grass flew from beneath him – the ones that hadn't been flattened under his weight, at least. He rolled over onto his belly and pushed himself up.
None of this was helping his stomachache.
"Finally…" Bowser groaned.
"Lucky there are a few extra Warp Stars left," Dedede remarked.
"I don't know why ya use these safety hazards."
"They're really not difficult at all. You must just suck at riding things."
Bowser scoffed. "I'm great at riding things. Er... I just couldn't keep ahold of the smooth surface. Would it kill ya to install chairs into them or somethin'?"
"Look, do you... need me to share one with you, so I can help you ride? You can… hold on to me." Dedede looked at the grass.
"N-no! Don't be a fool! I'll get it right this time!" Bowser yelled.
"Famous last words," the penguin snorted.
The Koopa looked up again. "I'll show you, smartass."
With that, he defiantly marched over to a new Warp Star and grabbed on, clinging for dear life this time.
It vibrated and rose for a few seconds before launching off quickly like before.
"Hang on tight!" a shrinking Dedede shouted from below, barely audible.
The sky darkened into starlight as Bowser got higher and higher. The Warp Star was travelling so quickly he could barely hold on, arms getting tired already.
He was nauseous, deathly afraid of losing his grip again, so he clenched his teeth and tried to muster all his strength. It wasn't what he'd call a smooth ride, either… he'd much rather be in his airship or Clown Car.
In fact, the star was so jerky that Bowser was starting to feel a gurgle in his belly, amplified by the anxiousness the whole experience brought.
"Oh no… oh no no no-"
Huuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrk!
Bowser emptied the contents of his stomach over the side of the Warp Star. He turned his head around to watch the day's sustenance spill away into the night sky.
"H-hope that doesn't land on Dedede…"
The Warp Star began screaming downward toward the grounds outside of Castle Dedede. It didn't seem to slow down at all as it descended.
"I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die-"
Bowser gritted his teeth.
The star landed violently, popping out of existence as it absorbed the impact. Bowser flew off in an upward arc before landing face-first in the dirt, sliding a few feet and then coming to a stop.
"Grrrrrrr... Never liked public transportation."
Bowser lifted himself up to his knees, rubbing dust out of his eyelids.
"Need a hand?"
Bowser looked up to see Dedede holding out a glove.
"Nice of you to… drop in," the penguin chuckled.
"Har har. Coulda warned me about that." Bowser took Dedede's hand, pulling himself up.
"And miss seeing this? Not a chance."
Bowser grumbled, brushing the dirt off himself, coughing. "How'd you even get here before me?"
"Can't help it if I'm a Warp Star professional," the penguin said, laughing. "You look better, at least. Did the ride ease your post-binge nausea?"
The Koopa King released a nervous laugh. "...You could say that."
But Bowser still felt unwell.
I don't wanna leave…
"So…" Dedede trailed off, looking sad. "When are ya gonna head out?"
"What, eager to kick me out as soon as ya can?" It was a joke, but inside, Bowser felt like his entire life was hanging on a thread, and the answer Dedede gave was going to be a pair of scissors. He tensed up.
What is up with me? Must still be kinda sick.
"N-no! No. I mean, you're annoying as heck, and I can't stand yer stupid face, but…" the penguin cleared his throat, looking downward. "We have had fun... right?"
Bowser didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he sighed. "Heh. I suppose we have."
Have I truly won him over? Is he my… friend?
Dedede looked up and showed him a goofy grin, with tight lips, as if he was trying to stifle it and look serious. Bowser smirked back in his usual cocky way. In a moment, the penguin's mouth relaxed, and brought a genuine look of happiness to his face, sapphire eyes twinkling. This, in turn, caused Bowser to loosen his jaw muscles and form a true smile.
He looks so happy… why does my heart swell with pride? Am I proud that I finally got in his good graces? As if that says something about me, that I was able to befriend someone like Dedede?
Neither king moved. They just smiled, eyes locked, glistening in the darkness.
Or is this joy I'm feeling… is my soul mirroring his own emotions?
"So, uh…" Dedede trailed off.
"What?" Bowser asked.
The bird looked embarrassed. "I uh… actually had a lot of fun with ya, these past couple days. I'm glad you came back."
"R-really?" Bowser beamed. "Er, look who's obsessed with me, grahaha. Can't say I'm surprised – I am the full package."
"Don't flatter yerself," Dedede snapped. "It's just cool to hang out with another king, who understands what things are like. Having regular conversations with an equal is kinda rare fer us, isn't it? A nice change of pace."
"Pah! Speak for yourself! And ya think we're equals?" the Koopa laughed. "That's cute…"
The penguin growled. "Well, I was gonna ask if I could come hang out at your castle after this, but now I'm thinkin' that was a silly thought."
He wants to hang out more!? Raaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
"Um, heh, I guess that… could be arranged…" the turtle mumbled, looking to the side, trying to conceal his excitement.
"Nah, I only make friends with my equals… sorry Koopa," the avian smirked.
Bowser groaned. He was going to lose his chance if he didn't let Dedede have this. "Fine, fine, I'll concede! Tricky penguin… maybe I'll let ya believe you're on my level."
"I can see right through you, ya know," Dedede asserted. "I know you like me. I'm the only close friend you've really ever had, aren't I?"
Bowser blushed. "You know nothin', penguin!"
"Well anyhow, lemme pack a suitcase and I'll come with ya to visit yer place. Even if my castle is waaaaay cooler, probably."
"In your dreams," the Koopa grinned.
"Um, sires? Are you coming inside?"
Both of them blinked and looked over to see one of the Waddle Dee guards waving from the castle entrance a few yards away. The Koopa realized he'd been daydreaming for a moment there.
Daydreamin' about him wanting to continue this… friendship… I can't possibly ask him to hang out. It's too risky. I already came here twice without any invite! Regardless of what he says under duress, I'm still not sure if my whole visit was just a big interruption that he made the best of, or if he actually likes me. Guess I'll just wait for him to make follow-up plans, or… to not… Then I'll have my answer…
He tried to look casual, nodding to the guard. "Sorry, spaced out there for a sec."
How long was I standing there, grinning like a fool? Bowser wondered. Jeez, I'm an idiot around this penguin for some reason.
"So, what do ya wanna do now?" the penguin king asked, walking with the Koopa through the castle hallways, meandering in the general direction of the throne room.
"Uh… honestly? Have a lie down. That race really took a lot outta me," Bowser said. "Don't think it'd be smart to fly back this way."
"Right. You should definitely rest, then. I-I'll let ya head back to your room." Dedede started to walk away.
"You're not coming with?"
The penguin stopped in his tracks. "...Hmm?"
"Well, I didn't say I was going to sleep. Aren't ya gonna keep me company? I am your guest, after all."
Dedede sighed, ostensibly out of exasperation. "Fine, I suppose." He tried to sound cool.
Bowser's smile seemed to drop for a split second, or maybe the penguin imagined that.
When they got to the guest room, Bowser headed into the half-bath that was connected to the room through a narrow doorway he clearly had some trouble fitting through. The penguin heard the water running, and saw the Koopa bring out a wet washcloth. It made sense – he was covered in dirt and grass stains from those Warp Star shenanigans, not to mention his mane was all messy and disheveled – but it still felt odd to see the turtle king taking care of his personal hygiene.
It also felt a little awkward to be watching, so Dedede sat down in a chair, and looked up at Adeleine's painting work on the ceiling. It had been a while since he'd admired it, but hearing Bowser gush about it the other day had made him want to appreciate the effort again. It really was impressive how well such a young girl could paint.
He searched the painted cosmos, wondering which star belonged to Bowser. Would he ever get to see it? He hoped so. He felt a wave of loneliness rush over him, ice cold like the depths of space.
I should… ask him if we can hang out again. But I'm so embarrassed… does he actually like me all that much, or am I just projectin'?
He heard a thump as something hit the floor.
When he looked back down, he did a double take, noticing Bowser had removed his shell. That must have been what made the sound, as it was sitting against the wall near the window.
"Y-you-" Dedede stuttered.
"What?"
"Your… shell…"
It wasn't as if the Koopa was really in a compromising position. He just had a naked back now. But Dedede noticed how muscular that back was, broad and sturdy. And as his eyes went down a little lower…
Those glutes… is this what the kids are calling "thicc" these days?
Bowser turned around. Without the shell, he looked less bulky, and stood up straighter, making him appear more muscular and less stocky than before. "Well, what are you stammerin' about? It's just a back. Not like I got my dick out or somethin'."
This thought made Dedede blush. "Ah- I- I dunno, I just t-thought maybe…"
"What, that I was givin' you a strip show?" Bowser turned around and wiped himself with the cloth in a mockingly seductive manner.
The penguin choked and gave him a dirty look, sweating up a storm. "N-n-n-no! No, asshole!"
"Then what's the big deal?" Bowser took a single step closer. The mere act was so intimidating, it caused Dedede's stomach to tie up in a knot.
Oh my goodness, he thinks I'm checking him out. Yeah RIGHT. As IF.
Dedede couldn't figure out how to formulate a sentence – he was so overwhelmed… by the uncomfortable situation he'd created.
I bet if I ever DID check him out, though, he'd punch me in the face, or call me a weirdo, or something. I don't see why I would, though. It would be kind of weird to have the hots fer a gruff creature like Bowser, wouldn't it? He's literally… a monster. Well, I guess if he has a son, that must mean that SOMEBODY wanted to jump his bones before, right? So I guess he's not... sexless. But he's not really someone it would even OCCUR to me to THINK of... objectifyin'. He's just... the Koopa King. Nope, nothing intriguing or appealing about his features at all.
Finally, words came to the penguin. "I-I just thought, you know, h-how... thoughtful, he doesn't want to tear holes in my guest bed... I was so surprised at your respectfulness, it's quite unlike you."
Wow... that was a pretty good save. Wait, save from what? Why was I even so staggered in the first place?
That save came at a cost, anyway. Bowser snorted smoke out of his nostrils, grabbing something out of his duffel bag on the floor. "Are we on this again? I'm not just some craaaaazy monster who wants to destroy everything in sight. I have a brain an' respect for peoples' property."
"Didn't… didn't you say about a dozen times how you wanted to take over my kingdom and overthrow my rule, kill me, eat me, burn me, tie me up, kidnap me and drag me to your castle, wrestle me into submission... et cetera?" Dedede stopped talking, to wonder why his own words got him excited.
The Koopa briefly ran a comb through his messed-up hair, before fluffing it back into place with his claws. "Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure ya made half of those up. Secondly, yeah, but I've been here for days and have I actually done any of that?"
"Maybe you're just waiting fer the perfect time to strike." It was supposed to sound funny but came out sounding stuffy and serious.
"And maybe you're a jerk who insults people even when they're tryna be nice." Bowser climbed onto the bed and lied down on his back. "Hmmph."
"Bowser-" Dedede didn't want to apologize, because that was like admitting defeat, but at the same time, he could see he'd upset the Koopa, regardless of his intentions. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't tryin' to be mean. At least, not intentionally mean. You do the playful ribbing thing all the time, but when I do it, it comes across wrong."
"Sure. You're just like everyone else, even if I convince myself otherwise." Bowser's lip curled into a snarl, revealing a bit of an underbite.
"Like... everyone else? How so?" the penguin asked.
The turtle shut his eyes. "I'm nothing to ya but a big, freaky, destructive, obtrusive, no good beast. Which I am, obviously, but..."
"No… Bowser…" Dedede walked over and sat on the side of the bed. He wasn't sure how to handle this, never expecting to see a side of the Koopa that was anything like this. "You don't think that, and neither do I, anymore. Sure, first impressions weren't great fer either of us, but I know there's more to you than what your… spiky exterior projects."
"Naw, I know what I am."
"Do ya? Because a minute ago you were denying your monster...ly...ness… and now yer sayin' you're nothin' but a monster."
"Ain't you the active listener." Bowser's face betrayed no emotion.
"Listen, maybe sometimes stuff I say will sound worse to you than how I mean it, because yer expectin' me to think of you the same way 'everyone else' does. Am I on to something?"
"Why do you care?" Bowser snorted.
"Oh, come on, help me out here... Bowz!"
The Koopa seemed to smirk a little, but turned over on his side, facing the wall. "I'm gettin' bored of this conversation. Anyway, I'm really tired and I gotta get some shuteye if I'm gonna be fit to fly tonight."
Dedede bit his lip. His heart was pounding and he felt sick.
Am I really going to-? No, it's stupid, I'll get my face torn off… Then again…
The penguin lied down and put his arm around Bowser.
The Koopa king stiffened. "W-what are you doing?"
Dedede licked his lips. His throat felt so dry. "Hey, don't get the wrong idea. But if I was really afraid of you… if I really thought ya were just some mindless, vicious beast… Would I be able to do this?"
"If you keep doin' it, I'll show you how scary I really can be." Despite his crankiness, Dedede swore he felt the Koopa inch toward him ever so slightly, muscular back pressing into the penguin's soft tummy.
"I'm gonna call your bluff," Dedede said, squeezing him.
"W-when I get up, you're gonna pay for this," Bowser said, his tone lightening up again.
Dedede grabbed the edge of the blanket and tugged it over them. "Now you're really stuck."
The Koopa grunted. "I'm warning ya, just because I'm not moving doesn't mean I'm okay with this. You just sealed your fate."
"Hah, I'm sooooo scared."
Bowser was rumbling gently. "Oh, you little…"
The light of the moon was seeping through the window as Dedede's eyes opened. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He noticed that the bed was empty, and wondered why that made him feel sick to his stomach. Then again, he'd eaten enough food to feed a family for weeks and then taken a nap, so that was probably a major contributing factor.
Glancing around the room, he noticed Bowser's shell and the rest of his belongings were nowhere in sight. His heart sank.
He pulled the blankets over his head, wanting to be in darkness for just a minute before he committed to waking up. Bowser had left already.
Bowser…
The sheets smelled like Koopa, dark and spicy and exotic, but also familiar, like a warm campfire. Maybe a tiny bit musky from all the exercising earlier. That was when Dedede realized the side Bowser had slept on was still vaguely warm…
Maybe he's not gone yet!
The penguin shot out of bed, rushing out the door. He went up to the first guard he saw and asked if they'd seen Bowser. Negative. He dashed through the castle, asking whomever he ran into, but no one had caught sight of the Koopa.
Did he really leave already?
He got outside, looked around, and saw Bowser's Clown Car parked under a brick overhang, where he'd left it originally, to keep the rain out of it when he had arrived.
It was a round white vehicle with a clown face painted on it. The top was fully open so that its rider could sit inside, looking out of it as if emerging from an egg. There was a propeller beneath, and it could open a latch on its underside to release a set of wheels as well. It had some kind of internal balancing mechanism, and other features too. The Koopa had explained it to him, but Dedede had been spaced out at the time and didn't retain much.
"There y'are."
Dedede jumped, startled. It was the voice he so desperately wanted to hear.
"Oh. Bowser!" He turned around and felt a flood of relief to see his guest standing there in the darkness. He was just off to the side of the doors, hidden in the shadows.
"Lookin' for me?" The Koopa raised an eyebrow, stepping toward him, into the glow of the entrance torches. The fire reflected in his red eyes, and highlighted his features in a dark, mesmerizing way, casting harsh shadows where the light didn't reach.
"I mean… I was kind of just wandering around…" Dedede tried to hide the fact that he was panting. "Where were you anyway?"
There were no guards around, which was unusual. Dedede figured they might have been in the middle of a shift change.
"In the shower. That was a half-bath, so I had to look around for awhile before I found a proper one. Didn't wanna go home smellin' like dirt and tomatoes."
"Ah. Right. Well, you didn't smell bad. I-I mean, not that I noticed any scent one way or the other!"
Bowser was silent for a moment. "Did ya really think I was gonna leave without saying goodbye?"
"The t-thought hadn't even crossed my mind. You think I'm always thinking about you or something?"
The Koopa smirked. "I mean, I would be if I were you."
What's that supposed to mean? Well, at least he must be in better spirits if he's making jokes…? He still seems morose, however.
"Please. You're barely a blip on my radar, Bowz."
"And yet you've already picked out another new nickname for me. Cute, by the way."
Dedede fumed. "Better than your nicknames fer me. 'Deeds'? 'Deeders'?"
"I'm workin' on it. You got an awkward name to shorten, Dee Three."
"I didn't say I hated them. 'Dede' almost has a certain ring to it, even if you did basically steal it from Adeleine… But 'Bowz' is a much cooler creation."
The Koopa smirked, although not as enthusiastically as usual. "Oh, we all know Bowz is a cooler creation than ya, but thanks for sayin' it officially."
"The nickname, doofus. Don't start with me."
"Whatever, 90% of people I've met call me 'Bowz.' I've called myself that. Did you think you were clever?"
Dedede sighed. "Oh, shut your stupid face."
They stood there quietly, looking sadly into one another's eyes.
The corners of Bowser's mouth lowered, his brow furrowing.
Dedede bit the inside of his lip, eyelids slipping downward.
The penguin wanted to ask him to stay, or to come back soon. But for what? To sit at his castle and have a picnic? He didn't want to seem desperate. Dedede thought it was obvious that Bowser did have fun with him at some points, but at others it was unclear exactly what his intentions were. And how strongly did he feel? Was this whole trip a lark for him, a planned display of dominance, or did he consider Dedede to be a close friend now? It all felt up in the air at times, even though he was at least 80 percent certain they were both on the same page.
Anxiety was a problem for Dedede. It always had been. Someone could say that they liked him, with sincerity, and yet he would still be overcome with disbelief after a moment. He'd felt so sure about their friendship, but now, seeing the distant look in Bowser's eyes, and the lack of energy in his responses, the penguin had his doubts. Was the reptile drained from this whole ordeal, eager to get back home? Dedede knew there had to be some kind of activity he could come up with, to extend a future invitation. Hadn't the turtle mentioned he'd like to try archery or something along those lines? Would asking him to return just elicit mocking laughter, or a genuine connection?
He considered the other option – visiting the Koopa Kingdom. Asking to go with him seemed gratuitous. Surely Bowser would want a break from him after so much intensity. And he had his own life to catch up on, with a son, and a kingdom to rule. A later date might be fine, but would he really want to host the royal bird and drag him along? Would the penguin be considered an embarrassment in front of Bowser's villainous associates?
But still, Dedede reflected, I should suggest something-
The Koopa finally spoke, interrupting the penguin's train of thought.
But the silence would've been preferable.
"Anyway… guess it's time to go."
Those simple words stabbed into Dedede's heart, a bloody icicle that twisted and burned, draining the vitality from his mind, leaving his brain a cluttered mess of swimming fog.
He's leaving!
Dedede felt like he might start crying. "Right…"
Bowser held out his palm. "It was good."
Dedede shook the Koopa's hand, clenching his teeth.
"It was good"? That's it? And not even a hug? After everything? Or does he have to be drunk to be affectionate? Maybe he doesn't actually like me. Wait, why do I even care? This is how "bros" interact, right? Not by cuddling and picking flowers like a...
Bowser's grip was strong, but he finally let go. "So, uh, guess I'll… see ya 'round." His voice had a tinge of melancholy in it.
He looked at Dedede, as if asking a question.
The penguin couldn't think straight, and after only a short glance, couldn't meet his eyes either. It hurt too much to look into their fiery depths.
"...Yeah. Take care. Fly safely."
The Koopa sighed. "I don't do anything safely."
Bowser got up into his Clown Car, started the engine, and rose off the ground as the propeller began rotating.
He gave a salute, shifted gears, and was soaring away, just like that.
Dedede looked up at the sky and watched as the silhouette grew smaller and smaller, until he couldn't see anything anymore.
That's it. He's really gone… so abruptly, too.
Then he came to a realization.
Oh, damn it, I can't believe it slipped my mind! I didn't even think to figure out a way we could stay in touch! Stupid, stupid. Why didn't he say anything either!? Was he truly not interested!? No… I can't believe that.
I guess I'll have to wait fer him to come back…
A wave of panic set over him. His chest felt hot, his brain hurt. He couldn't breathe.
We didn't even make any future plans.
He reflected on the tension between them, the words unspoken, just moments prior.
The thought hit him like a freight train.
He's not coming back.
Dedede's blue eyes welled up. He blinked back the tears.
"No! DAMMIT! WAIT! BOWSER!"
He knew his voice couldn't possibly carry all the way up to the stars, but he tried, regardless.
I… I wanna see you again!
PLEASE.
There was no way he could find a Warp Star in time to catch up. The foreign king was already out of sight.
"STOP! WAIT! YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!"
But not out of mind.
Please…
That toothy grin, that heady scent, his wagging tail… Those lumbering steps, they ran around in Dedede's head. Like they owned the place.
"PLEASE… come back…"
His ruby red eyes… that fiery mane… the way his nostrils flared, with smoke billowing…
I miss you. I… need you.
His sharp cuffs… his rough scales… his soft underbelly… they flashed by, fragmented, already turning blurry with their reference no longer present.
Don't leave me alone…
He shook and shook until the pain subsided, clutching his face, his hat falling off.
He collapsed down to the ground.
I thought I finally had a true companion… an equal… a partner-in-crime… and now he's gone.
The glaciers melted. Tears flowed freely, with no one around from whom to hide them.
Was he afraid, like me, to ask…? Or… maybe he truly… didn't want to return…
The penguin sat there on the grass outside his fortress as the night sky turned to black, looking up at the stars, ruminating.
Hopefully I can find out where this "Koopa Kingdom" is located, Dedede thought, trying to calm down. Then, I can simply drop in myself.
He had a bad feeling in his gut, but he tried to ignore it.
Just find the Koopa Kingdom. Just find it.
Finally, having thought himself into a brand new headache, he sighed and went back into his castle.
Alone.