Part 1 - Hostage Crisis
Plot: Raised by Sidious and trained in secret as a Sith, Anika befriends Fox once the war breaks out. Too young to fight, she helps Sidious at the Senate. All the while, she becomes closer with Fox, and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka – Jedi she meets on a formal basis to whom she becomes quickly attached. Soon, she finds herself questioning if being a Sith is really what she wants.
Author's Note: Warnings for child abuse, minor self-harming and suicidal thoughts.
Also, poor Anika just needs to be adopted.
This is for Day 3 of the Anakin Rarepair Week. Yes, I know we're a day ahead. :)
~ Tirana Sorki
Formal meetings are so annoying. Anika Skywalker-Palpatine shifts in her formal dress, trying to resist the urge to squirm. It would certainly help if being at the Jedi Temple was a comfortable place to be, to begin with.
Which it is not.
Her master – adopted father, according to the eyes of the galaxy – already taught her everything about how to shield herself so the Jedi won't be able to sense the Dark Side around her, but that doesn't mean being here doesn't feel like walking right into their enemy's territory, right where they could be killed with no hope of fighting their way out.
She has no idea how the Jedi are so blind that they can't sense anything, though. Not if the Force is so strong with them.
Palpatine is greeting the Jedi with a warm smile, the way he always does, discussing politics. The other Senators invited to the gathering at the Temple are milling about, conversing with various Jedi.
But at least everyone's attention is focused on her master now, instead of her. She's just his... daughter to the galaxy, and she's too young to be important. She's barely sixteen, after all.
Anika's gaze darts around the room, lingering longest on the Coruscanti Guard standing near the doorway to the room.
The war broke out nearly two years ago, and she's gotten to know the Coruscant Guard who work at the Senate now, protecting the Chancellor. And her.
It just... makes her sick sometimes, knowing what they are. Knowing that no one even cares that they're slaves. Even though the Republic claims that they don't believe in slavery. The Jedi haven't even addressed the issue with the Senate, like they don't care, even if Anika knows they don't control everything. She just can't understand.
Fox is standing near Palpatine without outright being in anyone's way. She wants to go over to him, to talk to him, but... now isn't really the time. It would just make him uncomfortable because it's against whatever protocols he's supposed to be following. And she's not going to put him in an awkward situation, no matter how much she misses talking to him.
He's the first real friend she's had since Palpatine found her on Tatooine. After – after her mother died. The wave of grief at the mere memory is sharp and cutting, but she tries to bury it, moving away through the crowd and just milling about.
Palpatine is too busy to keep his gaze on her right now, and it makes her feel a little freer. Even if it often feels like everyone who looks at her couldn't possibly not know that she's a Sith.
There's movement behind one of the pillars right near the doorway, and Anika spots a familiar pointed head peeking out from behind it.
"Ahsoka?" she calls, approaching. The girl is still so tiny compared to Anika. She's barely up to her elbow – she's only ten, after all, despite the padawan beads swinging from the back of her lekku.
The Togruta pops her head out of the hiding spot, and it takes Anika only a moment to realize that she's not hiding. She's leaning against the pillar for support. One of her legs is obviously bandaged. She's –
Worry floods her instantly, and Anika half-crouches in front of her – so they're closer to the same height – hands resting on her knees. "Are you okay? What happened?" (Sidious would say that she needs to stop being so soft, that she needs to start acting like a Sith. She shouldn't care how a Jedi is doing, even if it's one who she can't help thinking would make a good apprentice one day.)
Ahsoka makes a face. "I got shot on the last mission."
Anika broke both her legs racing pods when she was nine, so the injury isn't much, but that doesn't mean she likes seeing Ahsoka hurt. She's so little, and she looks so scrawny and breakable. She's fighting in a war when she's still years from being a teen. When it's not something she's even trained for.
Not that the clones are much older than ten either. No one cares about that, any more than they do about the padawans ages.
This is why she can't believe in the Jedi or Republic anymore. Sidious has told her over and over that they have to be remade, and she can entirely see why.
"Why don't we go somewhere quieter?" Anika suggests, "Unless you relish political meetings?"
Ahsoka's face scrunches further. It turns Anika into a puddle of goo inside. She's so cute. "No way."
Anika chuckles, standing and scooping the Togruta into her arms. She squeaks in slight surprise, but doesn't seem to mind, resting her chin on Anika's shoulder as she slips out the door. She throws a final glance over her shoulder, gaze locking with Fox who's definitely watching her before she moves out into the hall.
No one's right out here, but Anika moves a distance down the hall to a quieter corner. Until something suddenly yanks her hair.
Hard.
"Ow." Okay, it didn't hurt that much.
"Sorry," Ahsoka says, sheepishly, "But it looks funny. How can a part of you be so bouncy?"
Having curly hair means people want to pull it. What can she say? "Because it doesn't have any sensations in it."
"What does that mean?"
"Same as your fingernails," she replies, dryly, setting the Togruta lightly down on the floor. They take seats across from each other. "How have you been?" She met Ahsoka right after she became a padawan because she's at the Senate frequently. She's the main child Anika has really interacted with in years.
"I don't wanna fight," she says, sullenly, "That's not what we're s'pposed to do. Master Qui-Gon says we shouldn't be, too. But I still hafta do it. And everyone's always dying, and I can't stop it."
"Sometimes, we have to make a choice – to live or die. And to live, we have to fight," Anika replies, softly. She's been on minor, secret missions before that Sidious sent her on for practice, but never in an all-out war. Never with people dying because she wasn't able to protect them, but she knows that would hurt. "All the deaths that surround you are not your fault. It's merely... the reality of your situation."
Ahsoka doesn't look any happier, but her gaze drops to the curls hanging over Anika's shoulders again.
She can't help smiling. "Want to try braiding it?"
"That wouldn't hurt?" she objects, blue eyes wide.
"No, certainly not." She turns around, facing her back to Ahsoka, and the Togruta eagerly scoots forwards, lightly tugging at her hair.
Anika's pretty sure she's playing with it more than braiding it, though.
She doesn't know how long they've been at it when she suddenly hears approaching footsteps.
Fox and Qui-Gon round the corner at the same moment.
"The Chancellor is looking for you, ma'am," Fox says.
It drives her crazy when he calls her that, but she knows he's not comfortable with anything else when they have an audience.
"Coming," she assures, standing and offering a hand to Ahsoka to pull her to her feet.
"Hey, Master," Ahsoka calls cheerfully, waving.
"Come on, little one," Qui-Gon says.
Her face scrunches. "I'm not little," she grumbles, trailing him.
Anika falls in step next to Fox as they head back to the main room with everyone else. She wants to talk to him, but now isn't really the time.
Sidious finds her spending time with anyone annoying. She doesn't need to let him... see it.
It 'distracts her from her training' he's always said. Maybe that's true, but she doesn't – doesn't care. It's always so lonely, and – it's also so ungrateful of her to even be thinking like this, when he's the one who freed her and raised her and has done everything for her. The only one who ever even tried. But that doesn't mean...
That she can just stop caring. That she even wants to stop.
**w**
Anika doesn't have the chance to find Fox again until they're back at the Senate later that day.
She runs into him in the hall. Or rather, runs right into a humanoid female Senator – she doesn't even recognize the species – who's talking to him. But there's just something about the way she's talking that...
It makes her more than a little angry, especially seeing how stiff and rigid Fox is standing. He's uncomfortable and just wants to get out of there, but there's nothing he can do.
Because he's Republic property.
"Is there a problem?" Anika asks shortly, approaching the Senator.
"Why would there be?" the Senator asks smoothly.
"Harassing the people who are giving their entire lives to defend you doesn't seem like appropriate behavior of a Senator, especially when you give them nothing in return," Anika replies bitingly, pointedly moving to position herself between the Senator and Fox. His relief flares into the Force, though outwardly he hardly twitches.
"Harassing?" she repeats, sounding almost offended, "We were just talking, weren't we, Fox?"
His uncomfortableness skyrockets instantly, and he shifts. "Yes, ma'am," Fox supplies.
She hasn't wanted to punch someone quite this badly since... a long time.
It's also just making her sick. She knows exactly what it's like to – to always have to answer a certain way no matter how she feels, because that's what the superiors demand. Because that's the only way to stay out of trouble. That was true on Tatooine, and it's – it's true so much for Sidious, too.
"I don't think this would look good to the holonet reports, Senator," Anika replies icily, "Fox, come." She can feel his relief – though she doubts he even fully realizes why the Senator was acting so strange towards him. Clones don't really know anything about any of that.
Anika can feel the Senator's angry gaze on them, but she ignores it as Fox follows her down the hall. "Do you have a minute?" she asks, glancing up at him.
He nods. "I was... off-duty." Oh. So that's why the Senator thought now was a good time to start harassing him.
She pauses by the doorway that leads into a sitting room – it's empty right now, so they should have a moment they can speak privately where Fox will actually feel comfortable.
"Are you okay?" she asks, once they're alone.
Fox takes his helmet off, holding it under his arm. There's an exhausted look in his brown eyes, when he meets her gaze. "I'm fine... Anika."
It's relieving to hear him actually using her name now – because of her identity as the Chancellor's daughter he was reluctant at first, but he got used to it over time. It's not like she's actually his superior in any shape or form.
"I'm sorry Senators are so annoying. It's their nature. They couldn't exist if they were not," Anika says, flatly.
"That isn't something you can help," Fox points out, though he sounds mildly amused.
"Does that... happen often?" She doesn't even know how to approach this. She isn't really that good at talking to people anymore period, because most of the time she just... shadows Sidious everywhere, silently. It wasn't until the war, when the clones came to the Senate, that she finally got to interact with people of her own age again, at anything more than formal meetings.
"... Occasionally," he replies, something distinctly uncomfortable about him, in the Force, "I don't understand what she wanted."
Anika winces. "Things she has no right to be demanding." She feels sick even thinking about this. Do things like that happen to the clones at the Senate and no one even cares? It not like they have anyone to tell.
"We serve the Senate," Fox supplies, uncertainly.
"Not – you're here for their security. Nothing more. They don't have the right to expect anything else. You're more than just your duty, Fox. You're – you're a person, too, just as much as that Senator. Maybe more than she is," she adds under her breath, as an afterthought. Sidious promised that once there's a Sith Empire, they can help all the slaves and get rid of people like that. She hopes it'll actually be that simple.
Fox is momentary quiet, hesitant. "We aren't like you," he objects, finally, "We're... meant to be expendable."
"To the money mongers who are destroying the Republic they're pretending to lead, maybe yes. But not –" She sighs. It reminds her so much of – of how she always feels. She never really thought about it, until she saw it on the clones, the way duty is more important than anything else. They shouldn't have to feel like they're worth nothing, outside the missions they succeed on. (Maybe that's why she finally started wishing so desperately, that maybe she could have – have an actual family. Someone other than Sidious. She used to see him as a family, until she got older and things grew worse between them, and she just couldn't anymore.)
Anika steps closer, hesitantly reaching for Fox's hand. He takes it without hesitation – it's the main form of affection he and his brothers show each other.
She squeezes it lightly, ignoring the feeling that tightens in her chest when she looks at him.
(Wanting to have a family beyond Sidious also means that she wants an actual family. Wants to marry – because it feels like that's the only way she can truly have anything else. But it's absolutely stupid to even entertain the thought of that. Sidious wouldn't let her – not for Fox or anybody. Her duty is to the Sith. Nothing else. Maybe she can have Ahsoka as a younger sister if she becomes her apprentice, but that's it.)
And she can have Fox as a friend, as long as Sidious never... realizes how close they are. Or what she actually wants.
She doesn't think Fox realizes how she feels either and she doesn't really want him to know. Doesn't know how he'd feel about it. and she really doesn't want to make him uncomfortable. Doesn't know if he reciprocates or not. Sometimes, like the way he's watching her right now, something fond lingering in his gaze, she has to wonder if he does, but...
It doesn't matter in the end. It's not possible, and she's fine with just having him as a friend the rest of her life. (She just wants what comes with having an actual family. Maybe it's just that it feels like it means freedom but really? It wouldn't. She's still her master's and she always will be.)
"I know what it's like," Anika blurts out, "To – to be nothing but what I'm capable of doing, of serving those in control. But you're more than that, Fox."
"I don't... understand what you mean," he says, finally. "We are not anything more. We never have been."
"To me, you are. You're my friend," she replies, firmly. My – but she leaves it there.
Fox just seems overwhelmed and unsure how to respond. It's probably best for her to just drop it for now.
Outside the window of the sitting room, Anika spots a speeder approaching the Senate – it's a Jedi speeder, which probably means Council members here to meet with her master. That also means there's a chance Obi-Wan is here. Her eagerness flares up instantly, even if she likely won't have the chance to talk to him, anyway. At least she'll be able to see him again, more than briefly when she did at the Temple.
She first met him during the Trade Federation blockage on Naboo. It was right after Palpatine had adopted her, and he took her there in the aftermath of the battle. Qui-Gon had been injured badly, and Obi-Wan... wasn't doing well.
Anika knew the pain of losing someone like that too well; she was still struggling to cope with Shmi's death. She'd stuck around him for a long time, and their friendship formed fast. Even if Obi-Wan was very annoying sometimes. That's just his nature, though.
They've run into each other repeatedly throughout the years, most recently being an extended incident on Naboo where Anika was acting as representative for Naboo along with Senator Amidala, and Obi-Wan was working with them.
(Really, she still doesn't know Obi-Wan that well, but she knows him enough to know that she wants someone to take care of her, and he's the only adult she even knows. She's seen Qui-Gon with Ahsoka a few times too, and she wouldn't even care if it was him either, but she doesn't know him as well.)
"My dad will probably want me back in his office," Anika says, which she's admittedly disappointed about because she doesn't want to leave Fox, even if she is happy to see Obi-Wan again.
"I shouldn't keep you," Fox agrees, though she can sense his disappointment.
"I'll come by later. You... should rest while you have time for it. And be with your brothers." (She wishes she had siblings, too. Ahsoka is to a point, but they don't even live together or have the same parents. She can't help wondering what it would be like to have someone who did.)
She lingers a few moments longer, still reluctant, before turning to go.
**w**
Anika runs into Obi-Wan in the hall before he reaches the Chancellor's office. He's here alone, which is unusual, but that must be because Windu and Yoda are presently off-planet.
"Hey, Obi-Wan," she chirps, running up to him.
He smiles – which is very, very rare unless he's planning to be annoying. Though he does also seem genuinely happy to see her. "Always eager to attend another political meeting?"
She snorts. "Are you? You're the one who came all the way to the Senate, instead of just talking to my dad about whatever you needed to when he was at the Temple earlier."
"Another crisis came up," he replies dryly, as she moves to walk along beside him through the halls. (If Sidious noticed how friendly she was with the Jedi, he would not be happy. Obi-Wan's supposed to be her enemy. She shouldn't care about him, but she does, and she can't make it stop. Doesn't want to. But for him... she doesn't know what'll mean once the Sith Empire forms. Ahsoka, she can get to join her, but Obi-Wan? Not so much.) "I wouldn't venture out here otherwise."
"Still afraid of the Senate?"
"The holonet reports, perhaps," he says, amused, "I'm not brave enough for politics."
She laughs. "Don't worry. I'll rescue you if any start chasing us."
They come to a stop in the hall leading to the Chancellor's office, and Anika shifts away from him, letting the casualness fade away before they enter.
Palpatine is waiting behind his desk, and Anika moves to his side – she aids him in things all the time. It's what she's been doing in name ever since she officially finished her important schooling. She needs to know at least something about politics, he's always told her.
The meeting isn't anything of great interest, and there's something that she keeps sensing. It's distracting, but it feels like something's wrong. If Obi-Wan wasn't literally right here, she might risk reaching out a little more to try sensing what.
They're mid-talking when Orn Free Taa abruptly enters the room. Anika bristles instantly, even if she tries not to show it outwardly. He's a slaver and she brought it up to Sidious once – but he told her that there's nothing he can do because right now, the Senate is in the way, and they'd stop him from taking any action.
The Senator approaches the table, displaying a hologram of... Cad Bane?
That's not good.
"Sorry to bother you, Chancellor," the bounty hunter says, flippantly, "But I've taken control of the East wing of your Senate building and the occupants are now my hostages. If you care about them, I'd advise you to free Ziro the Hutt from the detention center."
Sidious stares back at him, expression visibly disturbed. She can't tell if it's fake or not, but she can't believe he would've planned to let a Hutt out of prison senselessly. "You should know that the Republic does not take kindly to such threats. If you have attempted such a foolhardy move as to kidnap a Senator, I assure you it will be met with appropriate force."
Right on cue, the lights flicker off, the doors to the room slamming closed of their own accord.
"I'm in control now. I make the rules now," Bane hisses, before the hologram flickers off.
Obi-Wan's already on his feet, expression darkening. "I'll deal with these bounty hunters, Your Excellency," he assures, "And I'll send guards up right away, so you'll be safe." He turns to the door, raising his hands and forcibly opening them with the Force, holding them open long enough for all of them to run out into the hall.
Anika's never been in the middle of action entirely unplanned for before, but she's trained for missions. She knows how to handle this, and they're not going to let a bounty hunter get away with threatening the Senate. Especially not for something like this. She just can't let her training show the way she wants to, but she doesn't want to stand on the sidelines either.
Obi-Wan pushes a button on his comm, trying to contact someone, but there's no response.
"Signals are jammed," Anika observes. Of course they are. Her gaze darts to Sidious. The look he's giving her isn't something she can interpret. "Should I see if there's a way I can... send one out?"
"If you can do it without risking yourself, my dear," Sidious replies. He's going to let this be a training exercise, then. She's... glad he's giving her the wiggle room for that at least because she doesn't want to just hide and play helpless.
"You should stay somewhere safe," Obi-Wan objects.
"I'll be fine," Anika assures, before she turns and takes off. This would be much easier if she could use the Force.
She doesn't stay with Obi-Wan – he should be more than capable of handling this himself, unless there's too many bounty hunters, but there should be other security here to help him, too.
She hasn't made it far down the hall when she runs quite literally into Fox.
"Anika?" he asks, voice tinged with surprise and worry.
"Fox?" she exclaims, relieved.
"You need to be somewhere safe. There's been an intrusion –" he starts to stay.
She shakes her head. "I'm fine. We need to get a message out so more Jedi can come to help. Are any of your brothers here?"
"Everyone's been locked out," he replies, drawing his blaster and starting down the hall. She stays one step behind him – just so he won't worry about protecting her even if he doesn't need to be worried about it – as they scan the halls.
They make it through a few halls without seeing anything, until she suddenly hears movement in the hall around the corner. But she doesn't sense anyone, and that must mean –
Fox turns the corner sharply, blaster raised, only to come face to face with a bounty hunter droid. The droid shoots at Fox and he fires back, ducking around the wall to avoid being hit by its return fire. Anika jerks back against the wall, hearing the droid clanging closer.
There are footsteps approaching the opposite direction too now, and moments later a Weequay rounds the corner on the opposite side, firing at them. Fox shoots him in the arm, and he stumbles back dropping his blaster.
Fox's back is momentarily turned as he tries to fire at the bounty hunter droid, and Anika jumps the Weequay before he can reach for his blaster again. He goes down with a grunt, and they wrestle around the floor for a few moments. She knees him in the stomach, about to pin him down to knock him out when a blaster shot nearly hits her in the head. She ducks barely in time, rolling out of the way, but it gives the Weequay the opportunity he needs to roll back to his feet, slamming a... something into Fox.
It's some kind of shocker thing, but the clone stumbles back with a cry, going down – though if not for that, the droid might've taken his head right off. Anika rolls back to her feet, tripping the Weequay right on top of her.
Which happens to be the very moment the droid fires again. The shot would've hit her except it catches the Weequay when she dodges instinctively. The blast burns right through his heart, and she freezes for a moment.
She didn't mean to get him killed, even if she can't say she has much regret over that. That doesn't mean she meant to get someone killed, but it's – From Tatooine, she knows it's sometimes the only way to defend oneself, even if she doesn't like it. (Though, killing is part of being Sith. So are so many other things that she just... doesn't want. But that's not what matters. Sidious freed her and she should be grateful for that. He's raising her like his child. She needs to stop whining about everything he's trying to do for her. She's so ungrateful.)
The droid raises its blaster, aimed at Fox. He's already down. He's never going to be able to get out of the way in time.
She can hear footsteps rapidly approaching down the hall, but she doesn't know if it's another bounty hunter or someone to help. Either way, it'll be too late. Fox is about to die.
Anika doesn't think, throwing up her hands and hurtling the droid back, smacking it into the wall at the far end.
Obi-Wan turns the corner the same moment, pausing abruptly as he takes in what she just did.
Force.
Oh no.
No, no, no.
Fox seeing that is one thing, but a Jedi? Force, no. Not –
Fear floods her instantly, practically strangling her. Obi-Wan moves first, turning to slash the bounty hunter droid into at least four pieces, before he turns back to them.
There's a moment of nearly agonizing silence.
What was she thinking – why did she do that – she just exposed everything to the Jedi, and Sidious...
Force.
At least Fox is alive. She doesn't even care that the Jedi know that she can use the Force. She just cares that Sidious is going to find out that they know and he's going to be angry. And he's going to –
"Anika?" Obi-Wan asks frowning, as he approaches her.
She blinks a few times, forcing herself to draw in a breath though it feels nearly impossible. Now isn't the time to act scared. Maybe he didn't even notice, maybe – Please tell her he didn't notice. "Yeah," she says, shakily.
"Are you alright?"
She blinks again, nodding. "Yeah." She sounds stupid. She needs to get out of here, to just –
"You used the Force," Obi-Wan observes, studying her. She can't make sense of that expression.
But none of that matters right now. All that matters is that Obi-Wan knows she can use the Force and he – "I just – I –" She sounds like an idiot. And she's used to lying. What is wrong with her? Sidious is going to be so mad. She doesn't want to have to even – Maybe if the Jedi arrested her, she wouldn't have to worry about that.
"Don't tell my dad," Anika blurts. What is she thinking, why is she saying this – "I just – I learned it from these umm... There's some Gungans who believe in mystical powers." She draws in a deep breath, trying to look convincing. "I was just fooling around with them, and they taught me some about it. I never told my dad. He thought it was stupid. I – don't tell him?" she finishes, a little desperately. She sounds so stupid. That probably sounds like a lie. It's only half one, but still.
Obi-Wan is studying her, something assessing in his gaze. He doesn't believe her. At least she doesn't think he does. Not fully. He definitely knows something's wrong because she shouldn't be panicking this much if it was something so innocent.
"I knew you were strong in the Force," Obi-Wan comments, "I didn't realize you knew how to use it."
"I was just... trying it out?" she supplies, forcing herself to sound amused, casual, anything like the opposite of what she's feeling right now. "I don't really know what I'm doing, and I don't need to. I'm way too old to be a Jedi."
"Much too old," Obi-Wan agrees dryly, briefly touching her shoulder, though she could swear there's still something troubled in his gaze, "You should get somewhere safe. I don't know if the rest of these bounty hunters are still on the loose or not."
Anika nods, breathlessly. She always wants to linger around Obi-Wan for no real reason, but right now – She just needs to get somewhere she can breathe. "Yeah," she murmurs, "I'll umm go."
Obi-Wan takes off, and she's almost grateful that this happened in the middle of a bounty hunter attack, or he'd probably have a lot more questions. Maybe he'll be so distracted he won't even think about this until later.
Any time she has to try saying something else believable to cover up her serious slipup is gone now that he's disappeared down the hall, though. She's definitely screwed. Totally and completely. She's so stupid. And she just wants to cry, which is even stupider.
She needs to check on Fox first, though.
"Fox?" Anika calls, crossing the hall, and crouching in front of him. She knows full well what it's like to be electrocuted and it's never pleasant.
He shifts, his sharp exhale the only sign that he's hurt. "I'm fine," he assures, as she offers him a hand, helping him to his feet. He's standing surprisingly steadily, but then again, she has no idea what his training was like or if it's anything like hers.
"Thank you for... what you did," Fox says, almost awkwardly. "I didn't know you could do that."
"It's uh... something I learned a bit about. It's nothing," Anika tries to brush it off, even if her heart is still pounding. She just wants to go hide somewhere where she won't have to face Sidious. "You should get yourself treated. I think Obi-Wan's more than capable of handling the rest of the bounty hunters."
Fox's left hand touches her shoulder, and she pauses at the unexpectedness, looking up at him. She can feel the worry of his stare, even if it's invisible through his helmet. "You're... upset," he says, uncertainly, like he isn't sure if it's his place to be mentioning this, "Were you... not allowed to learn about the Force?"
Anika nearly chokes. "I –" Honestly, it's hard to lie about it when she probably looks like she's about to cry. "It's complicated. My dad won't be happy if he finds out what I did."
If he's wondering if this is anything like how he's treated all the time, he doesn't ask. "I won't mention it," he promises.
Now she'll just have to hope Obi-Wan won't mention it. She should've given him a better reason not to, but now it's too late and it'd just make her look more suspicious than she already does if she tried to talk to him about it again.
"Thank you," she mumbles, hardly even thinking about it when she steps forwards, wrapping her arms tightly around him, burying her face against his cold armor. Fox freezes, but he slides an arm around her back, holding her close.
It makes her feel safe, wanted, protected. Everything she wishes she could feel from anyone, and she doesn't even care who.
Because Sidious certainly doesn't give her any of that, even if he's the only one who wants her. (Sometimes, she wishes he didn't. She doesn't know how she could live without the brief times she spends with Fox or Ahsoka or Obi-Wan, but she doesn't know that they'd even remember her if she was gone.)
Right now, she just wishes today hadn't happened at all, or that it would just blow over without another word, but she's rarely that lucky. And she has the sinking feeling that she certainly won't be this time, either.
**w**
That fear is more than confirmed when Sidious demands to talk to her the next morning. He feels icy, furious in the Force, and one look at his face says the same thing.
Oh no.
She always tries to make herself scarce when Sidious is home at their apartment, but that's not an option right now. She could say something, maybe. She probably should, but it's not like there's anything she could say that would begin to make this better. He's never going to let this go. He's going to –
"I did not train you as an apprentice for you to reveal our presence to the Jedi through your reckless stupidity," Sidious hisses.
She inspects the definitely-fascinating carpet. "Sorry, Master," she offers uselessly. It won't help anything. Not when he's this upset.
"That does not begin to cover how you've brought the Jedi's suspicions right onto us," he retorts, sharply, "Everything that we have built could be jeopardy. Do you know what the Jedi will do if they are aware of our identities? I did not spend decades orchestrating plans for the Sith Empire for you to ruin it out of sheer recklessness. I did not train you this poorly."
Useless her mind whispers, as she stubbornly blinks away the tears that suddenly want to fall. She did screw this up terribly and she already knows that. It's not – She can't undo it no matter how much she wants to. Can't –
She just feels sick, the fear strangling her enough to make her feel like throwing up. Maybe she should've let the droid shoot her instead of Fox.
"Your strength in the Force will mean nothing if you waste all of it. I did not take you as my apprentice to be a complete disgrace to the Sith."
How does he even know about this? Who told him? She doesn't want to think Obi-Wan did, but she doesn't know how else would've. She can't believe Fox would ever do that.
She tightens the grip of her right hand over her arm, digging her fingers into it painfully to distract herself from the gnawing panic gripping her. All she can do is wait this out, wait for him to be done, feeling half distant from herself so it doesn't affect her too much. Even if every word is still cutting deeply to her core.
He did spend so much time on her, raising her, and she's done nothing in return. Except complain. And want him to be more than her master, which is stupid. (She just wants a parent, but he's not that. She saw him as that once, but now – she just can't anymore. Even if she calls him dad as an act. It feels like a hollow, empty act now, with the desire to see him as more crushed over and over again.) The pain in her arm is distracting, but not nearly enough.
Not when Sidious is probably about to hurt her, himself.
"Do not make this mistake again," he warns, taking a step towards her. She flinches back instinctively, the fear clenching inside of her practically strangling. She's half expecting to be hit, but he doesn't. Then again, when he does lash out, as rare as it is, it's usually in a way far more violent. "This kind of failure is completely intolerable."
The Force flickers in warning a second before she feels the Force coil around her neck. It's not enough that she can't breathe at all, but it still has the same effect. Breathing in through the ice in her chest with Sidious in front of her was hard enough already. And he – he's –
"If your actions endanger us again, I will be forced to take action," he hisses, letting her go.
She stumbles away from him, struggling to catch her breath – even if breathing at all in his presence is nearly impossible. The threat is obvious enough. Well, she doesn't know what it means, doesn't want to. She just feels like throwing up and she wants to die, and maybe if he just killed her now, at least she could stop expecting the violence that could be coming instead. "It won't happen again, Master," she mumbles desperately when she finally has the air to talk.
His glower doesn't lessen. "See to it that it does not. I expect you to keep up the act when we're at the Senate today. If your role there was not so prominent, I would not have you there at all." He spins on heal, stalking out of the room.
I hate you she thinks desperately, even if she would never say it out loud. And I just want to –
No, she... she's supposed to be loyal. He's given her everything. Taken care of. She needs to stop being so selfish. He has right to be angry after she nearly ruined everything.
Doesn't make her heart stop pounding anyway, though. She could've nearly lost all her friends and everything, if... if her role wasn't so important. And she can't live in a world where she never sees any of them again. They're the only thing she has, the only thing that makes anything feel worth living.
Except that she wants to help people, and the best way to do that is with the Sith Empire that she nearly ruined entirely.
She's so stupid. And useless. Sidious should've left her on Tatooine to die.
**w**
She doesn't want to be anywhere near Sidious. The fact that he's acting perfectly calm when they're at the Senate later that day, without a mention of this morning, only makes her feel even more jittery and anxious. She has no idea if he's planning to drop it or have some more words with her when they get home.
She's too on edge to even think about eating, so instead of taking a meal break in the afternoon she wanders off through the halls, hoping to find Fox.
The Jedi won't be here and she's too afraid to see them right now because if Sidious sees how she acts towards them, he'll probably not even let her see them again. Besides, they know about her Force usage and if they ask about it, she'll probably mess up even further, and... No, she doesn't want to think about that right now.
Finding Fox isn't hard. He's not always at the Senate, but he is today.
The way he's standing is stiff and rigid when she approaches. He doesn't relax quite the same way. He seems stressed about something, and it could be anything, but it makes the anxious feeling in her gut grow deeper.
"Hey," Anika greets, "Mind if I... stay here? I know you're on duty. I won't distract you." She knows better than to even think about accidentally getting the clones in trouble.
"You can," Fox agrees.
"How are you from... yesterday?" Anika asks, finally. She doesn't even want to bring it up or think about it ever again, but he was hurt.
He blinks. "Yesterday?"
"When you were... electrocuted?"
Why is he looking at her so blankly?
"During the bounty hunter attack?" How could he not remember that? That's all she's been able to fixate on in the last twenty-four hours, and it couldn't have been a shrugging off matter either for him. They had a long talk afterwards.
"Yes," Fox agrees, blinking a few times, "I'm fine."
She frowns. "Are you certain? You're..."
He seems strangely rigid and closed off, but he finally turns to look at her. "Sometimes I... forget things," he replies, finally, "I don't remember much of the attack. Maybe it's because of the electrocution."
That... what? That's just weird. She knows the effects of electrocution far too personally and that memory loss can be a thing, but he wasn't hit that badly. And she'd made sure he was taken care of immediately. "This happens... frequently?" she objects, the full meaning of his words catching up to her.
"On occasion." He seems uncomfortable, so she should probably drop it. "Did something of importance happen?"
Something twists uncomfortably in her gut. "You don't remember our – our conversation?"
"No? Was it –"
She shakes her head, heart rate picking up. "No, it wasn't anything important."
He doesn't remember that she used the Force. That – that seems way too convenient. And the other random memory lapses in the past... Something is just screaming wrong about that. That shouldn't happen. Fox is only eleven or twelve technically and he's been trained to resist all kinds of stresses. No, something is very wrong about his amnesia, and Anika has the sinking feeling that she knows who it has to do with.
Sidious.
He did something to Fox. She doesn't know what, but he must have. Somehow, he wiped Fox's mind. She's certain of it – and now she can't help wondering if that's happened before, for some other reason. If those are the other random memory lapses he's talking about.
Force. How could Sidious do that? It's certainly far from past him to hurt the clones if they're in his way. Of course he would. He hurts her without a second thought. (And she's supposed to be his daughter.) But how could he do that? That shouldn't even be possible.
She wants to demand answers, to know what in the world he's done to her friend, and what purpose that was even supposed to serve since the Jedi already know anyway. Unless it was just some kind of revenge. She has no idea, but she's furious and she feels sick and most of all, there's absolutely nothing she can do. She's already in enough trouble as it is. She can't go make it worse by asking Sidious for answers about this. Not unless she's asking for another punishment and she'd rather not have to initiate another conversation with him again for at least the rest of the week, thank you very much.
But Fox is hurt and – and she's a horrible friend for doing absolutely nothing to stand up for him. It's probably good that she can never have what she... wants with him, because she wouldn't be able to take care of him properly and it wouldn't be fair to him at all. And he couldn't do the same for her either. She swallows back the bitterness and resentment and longing that threaten to overwhelm her, letting it fester inside her and fuel the Dark Side as always. That's all she can ever do.
The most they ever will be is friends and she should stop daydreaming about it. It's fine though, as long as she can at least have that. Because she can never be sure when she's going to lose that, too.
Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^
Come hang out on Discord (delete spaces), discord . gg / nqSxuz2 or find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes)
We've got a YT channel for tributes! (delete the spaces) youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA
ALSO: We have SW gift request forms for General, Anakin-Clones-centric, and Bad Batch fics. :D (delete spaces) bit . ly / CourtesyTrefflinFicRequests