Autumn passes, and the city by the sea becomes thoroughly known. The sea is different every day, and Alluka would love to stay here all year long just to watch its changing nature, but when Oniichan suggests that they move on, she is immediately overwhelmed with enthusiasm. She wants to see new places!
They stop in the land of forests and lakes that Alluka once saw on TV and became enamoured with. The view from the top is incredibly beautiful: countless blue pools amidst expanses of yellow-green forests. Later, it turns out that the yellow is birches and the green is conifers. The air here is fresh and has a completely different smell than at the seaside. Towns blend into forests, and forests flow into towns – it is impossible to tell where the border is. There isn't much to see here, but there is so much nature instead!
The town they choose is located on the shore of a large lake inhabited by a pair of swans that graciously share their home with the ducks. Seagulls glide over the clear water, skilfully catching their dinner – so they can be found not only at the seaside! Alluka certainly wants to stay here longer.
They rent a cosy apartment in a two-story house, its vicinity visited by hedgehogs and deer in the evenings. In the morning, one can see hares hopping around, and a squirrel often appears on the large maple tree outside the window. Alluka wants to spend her days in the forest, and Oniichan teaches her the names of mushrooms and their edibility.
When they return from the small restaurant where they eat every day, Alluka asks, "Actually, Oniichan… How come we don't cook our own meals?" having no idea what commotion it would provoke. "We have a kitchen here and everything we need in it."
Oniichan looks away and blushes obviously. He answers only after a long moment and in a rather quiet voice, "We would have to learn first".
Alluka beams. "Then we will learn!" she exclaims and then asks, "How can you learn to cook?"
"The cookbook will certainly help," says a friendly passer-by who must have heard their conversation, pointing to the shop on the other side of the square.
The bookstore indeed offers several cooking guides, and they buy the one called 'Cooking for Beginners'. Alluka would like to run home and try the first recipe right away, but before they leave she stops in the doorway and looks back, as if something was keeping her there.
She feels as if she has entered a forbidden kingdom full of secrets.
Alluka throws herself into cooking with the enthusiasm with which she generally approaches anything she doesn't know yet. Killua feels safer when preparing ingredients – for example, he's really good at cutting, chopping, beating, and grinding. His quick pace is helpful because, after the first day of reasonably moderate cooking, Alluka decides (apparently) to become a master chef, and suddenly every meal begins to consist of multiple courses.
After a few days, Killua realizes that his sister is going to use every recipe in the cookbook – or at least the ones for which the ingredients are available this time of year. As for the effects... Well, the food is edible. Killua doesn't really consider himself an expert and generally likes every kind of food. That doesn't mean he doesn't give Alluka compliments. He thinks that the mere fact that someone prepares food for him deserves gratitude.
"This is really good!"
"I've never eaten anything better!"
"This fish tastes like chicken. Oh, so it's chicken?"
"I didn't think potatoes could be prepared in so many ways."
"You should get a medal for these chocolate pancakes!"
Somehow everything tastes better seasoned with a radiant smile of boundless happiness and pride.
The days are getting shorter, and the wet weather is coming, limiting their outdoor activities, even though Alluka loves using her umbrella. They still go for walks – and grocery shopping – but they spend most time at home now. TV shows only two channels and sometimes nothing at all because the receiver is old and tends to lose signal. Killua teaches Alluka games and tricks, talks about various places and adventures, but he sees that his sister has become restless. Alluka often looks out the window, sometimes she goes outside and stares at the forest where all the animals have disappeared, hiding from the constant rain. Short walks to the city centre are not enough for her, cooking is not able to engage her attention either, because she has already learned all the recipes from three cookbooks. If the weather doesn't change soon…
Regardless, Killua is happy to see Alluka's desire for the world. When he took her from home, he was a little anxious that his sister wouldn't become curious about things around. For the first few days, she kept close to him like a little child, clinging to his arm, her eyes downcast and her gaze focused on the ground. However, it did not take long for her to become enchanted by the world and feel part of it – she wants to experience it fully and in every moment of her life, which has finally been returned to her.
Let it be sunny again...
After many dreary and wet days, Alluka finally wakes up to the sun. In an instant, she becomes full of energy when she sees the blue sky outside. She jumps out of bed and runs to the window – and then stops, amazed and enchanted.
Just yesterday, the scenery was various shades of grey: defoliated birches and rowan trees that were burning yellow and red not so long ago; spruces so dark that almost black, standing unshakably amidst the rain and fog; shadows lying on the layer of dead leaves…
Who would have thought that this view could magically transform in just one night? Today, the entire ground, as far as the eye can see, is covered with a thin layer of white fluff. Alluka feels as if she has been moved to another world, beautiful beyond imagination.
She would like to stay by the window and admire it, but she also wants to get there, look around, discover the strange nature of this phenomenon... After a moment of internal struggle, the second desire wins, so Alluka quickly brushes her teeth and cleans her face, gets dressed and runs outside. Her breath hangs in the air in a small cloud, and this, too, absorbs her attention. Something has changed, autumn is over...
"Snow," she hears Oniichana say behind her. "The first snow."
Alluka utters a cry of joy and runs onto the whitened surface, then marvels at the footprints left on it. There isn't much snow – it's as if someone sprinkled the cake with powdered sugar – but it completely changed the face of the world nonetheless. Alluka bends down and tries to scoop some of it into her hands, but the snow immediately melts and disappears.
"With this sun, it will probably melt today, but it looks like winter has come," Oniichan continues. "We will still have enough of it. And you should put something on, because it's already cold. The thermometer shows minus two degrees."
Cold? Alluka has no idea, but she takes him at his word. After breakfast, they go for a walk because Alluka wants to see familiar places in a new version. The snow really melts in the afternoon, because the sunlight is still so warm that such a thin layer has no chance of remaining. But Alluka knows – Oniichan promised it – that it will show up again soon, and she has something to look forward to. She already knows that she will love winter.
They discover that they have no winter clothes, so that day they buy woollen hats, scarves and gloves in the city. Oniichan complains that he doesn't need them at all, but Alluka vehemently protests against this, especially after the seller comments that the winters here are really harsh. Alluka chooses a set in light shades of blue, and Oniichan chooses a dark one. The hat is so big that it even covers Alluka's ears, but the scarf is amazingly soft and wonderful to wrap around. The mitts look funny and are a bit uncomfortable, but the seller says they help to protect the hands from frostbite better.
"So we're prepared for winter," Alluka says happily.
"Now we only have to remember to put them on when we go out."
As Killua suspected, it would soon snow again and in greater amounts. The temperature has permanently dropped to minus values, and there is no sign of warming up. Sunny days alternate with cloudy ones, but a layer of snow makes it brighter even on the latter. Winter has come for good.
Alluka wants to spend all day outside. She makes several snowmen and other geometric forms in the yard. She delights in the sound of the snow crunching under her shoes and rushes into the snowdrifts, laughing loudly. She can spend hours staring at the white surface shimmering in the sun, and sometimes she carefully scoops light fluff into her hands and looks closely at the tiny flakes, marvelling at their different shapes. Sometimes, she just stands on the edge of the forest and absorbs the unique view of snow-covered branches. And how much fun she has when one of them happens to drop its load right on her head...
Just as Killua suspected, Alluka constantly forgets to dress properly before leaving the house. Stuffing the hat, scarf and gloves into the jacket pockets doesn't help, because Alluka doesn't even remember about the jacket. Hanging the entire set on the exit door proves to be the only solution.
Killua is completely insensitive to temperature – and over the last few weeks he has become certain that Alluka is exactly the same. However, the inability to feel cold doesn't mean that they are not exposed to frostbite, so they have to remember to wear clothes, even if putting them on seems an unnecessary waste of time...
"Oniichan, how long does winter last?" Alluka asks after a few days.
"Probably several months," Killua replies, causing an outburst of joy. "Are you so happy? You'll be sick of it yet, you just see."
"I certainly won't!"
Winter drives the usually phlegmatic and home-loving locals outside. On a hill outside town, kids are having fun sledding. Adults strap on skis and run cross-country across the plains and forests. Killua and Alluka don't want to be left behind, so they do both. Sledding is really great – but has Alluka ever disliked anything? – and competing with local kids is a nice challenge. Skis require more effort, but once one has mastered the basic technique, they allow one to cover even long distances. Skiing is great for getting in shape.
Soon, Killua and Alluka go on longer trips. They pack food into their backpacks, pour soup and tea into their thermoses and then set off on skis, taking a different direction every time. After a few hours of running, they find a suitable place to camp, where they rest by the fire and eat. The food tastes delicious and gives one strength for the return trip. When they return home after dark Alluka has flushed cheeks and stars in her eyes, but she is so tired that she doesn't even have the strength to speak.
"I'm so very happy," she whispers one evening, almost moving Killua to tears. "Thank you."
Nice weather doesn't last forever, and soon comes a real blizzard to last for several days. At first, it's nice to sit by the window and look at the elements raging outside, but only at first. Alluka doesn't want to say she's bored – especially when Oniichan tries to keep her occupied in every possible way – but she really is. Besides, Oniichan's stories only make her more and more restless. The TV shows the exact same snowstorm as the window, and Alluka's mind simply has nothing to occupy itself with.
When it looks like the wind has calmed down a bit, Alluka jumps down from her chair and declares, "Let's go."
"Where to?" Oniichan asks.
"I need books."
Wrapped up to their noses, they are soon wading through snowdrifts, resisting the gusts of wind. Contrary to Alluka's fears, the bookstore operates normally – like all shops and establishments, so apparently the local people don't consider such weather a disaster – and there is a pleasant silence inside. However, the seller probably didn't have many customers today, because he looks surprised when he sees them.
"I'd like some books," Alluka says resolutely.
"What books do you want, dear?" the seller asks politely.
"Any."
For a moment, the salesman looks at her with some helplessness and then shifts his gaze to Oniichan.
"My sister meant that any reading would be good. Can we choose for ourselves?"
The salesman nods, still looking dazed. Oniichan takes Alluka's hand and pulls her towards the racks. He cast her a look, as if to be sure, and then pulls one book off each shelf.
"Is that enough for you?" he finally asks, leaning out from behind the large pile.
"Hmm…" Alluka is hesitant but sensible enough to understand that if they take more, carrying them home will be difficult. She takes comfort in the fact that the books Oniichan has chosen are at least thick. "Let it be."
The seller packs the books in plastic bags which should protect them from the weather. In the doorway, Alluka turns around and says with a smile, "Thank you. Soon, we'll come again for more."
A blizzard is raging, but Alluka has forgotten that there is such a thing as the outside world. She sits in an armchair and reads, reads, reads. She starts with books with pictures and moves on to those with just text. Killua's haphazard collection includes nature albums, school and specialist textbooks, historical novels, romances, and what else. Alluka reads without making any breaks, turning the pages one by one – slowly, at first, then faster and faster. Having nothing else to do, Killua observes her intently and sees her eyes darting over the pages. He thinks – oh, how naively – that Alluka doesn't understand the content and that's why she's going so fast...
"It was very interesting," Alluka says in the evening when, after a few hours, she puts the last book on the stack on the other side of the chair, then stretches and finally looks at Killua. "Oniichan, did you know that…"
Killua is shocked – really shocked – when after a long moment of conversation... no, actually, a story containing, among other things, summaries of physical theories, classifications of plants and comments on historical and political events, he realizes that his sister cannot be described by any other word than genius. He is terribly, incredibly proud... and angry with himself for having underestimated her mind.
In fact, there is nothing strange about it – all members of the Zoldyck family display above-average intelligence. He and his brothers, from every childhood, were trained to use it to deal with absolutely any situation. In addition, Alluka appears to possess the speed reading ability and perhaps even has a photographic memory.
The moment of euphoria doesn't last long. It is extinguished by one memory: Alluka locked in a room filled with toys for who knows how many years. If the Zoldycks' crimes were not enormous before, they now become unforgivable. Maybe they were just trying to return her childhood and undo all the evil they had done – how ludicrous – but for such a sharp mind, depriving her of all stimuli must have been a torture.
Killua gets up from his seat and walks over to Alluka's chair, then wraps his arms around her and holds her like he never wants to let go.
"Oniichan…?"
"I'm sorry," Killua whispers, suddenly unable to speak properly because of a lump in his throat. "I'm sorry I left you in that place…"
He feels Alluka's hands patting his back... as if he were the one who needs comfort...!
"But I wasn't alone," Alluka replies gracefully.
"I'll buy you as many books as you want," Killua promises. 'And no toys,' he adds inwardly.
After the blizzard, the weather becomes fine again and the sun returns, reflecting off the surface. A thick layer of snow covers everything in sight, and Oniichan had to dig a passage in the yard so they could get out of the house. The spruces look as if they were covered with thick icing and resemble some amazing, alien creatures, completely unlike anything else. The world seems to consist of only two colours: white and blue.
Alluka is happy to be able to sledge and ski again. They resume their trips that are one of the greatest things she's ever done. Pure snow sparkling in the sunlight. Deer appearing on the edge of the forest. A warm meal by the fire. Physical exertion that produces a really nice kind of fatigue. She feels like screaming with joy, but she doesn't want to scare the animals – besides, the noise could knock snow caps off the branches.
The temperatures get lower and lower every day, exceeding minus twenty and heading towards minus thirty. It's getting too cold for trips, but short walks – for example to the bookstore – are not any problem. For some reason, the seller's eyes become more and more desperate every day as they take away a large number of books each time.
"Are you going to open a library?" he finally asks in a weak voice.
"No, it's just my sister..." Oniichan whispers something in his ear that Alluka can't hear, but she doesn't care, focused on the word "library."
The salesman's eyes go round as he looks back at Alluka. Then he nods and say no more.
Alluka is fascinated by the world contained in books, enchanted in words and pictures. She absorbs knowledge about biology, history, politics, science and art. She experiences stories about adventures, feelings, crimes, heroes, everyday life. She doesn't understand everything, but she thinks about everything in order to understand it. She is curious about everything, and each book introduces her to a new world. Television can't even compare to it.
How could she have lived without literature?
Books already take up a large part of the living room, and sometimes the two of them have to be careful not to bump into them. It's obvious they won't be able to bring them on their journey when they travel again, but there's no need.
"We can take them to the library," Alluka says and once again feels an extremely pleasant shiver, because there is magic in that word.
Like in the fact that libraries are everywhere in the world.
"Doesn't your head hurt from reading?" Oniichan asks once.
"But it was empty until now," Alluka replies point-blank. "Now it's finally filling up. And I don't think it will overfill."
When the frost finally lets up a bit, it's already a new year. An ice skating rink has been opened on the town pond, that in the meantime got covered with a thick layer of ice, so Alluka and Killua go to try their hand at skating. It turns out to be a slight challenge for Killua, who has full control over his own body and excellent motor coordination. As for Alluka, his sister – although initially cautious and hesitant but undoubtedly filled with enthusiasm – also shows some talent in this direction. Killua is ready to assist her at any time, but Alluka wisely states that she will not avoid falls while learning.
It doesn't take long before she masters the basic technique and sharpens her balance to ride without falling, and Killua takes pleasure and pride in watching her graceful and increasingly bold skating. Soon, following the example of more experienced skaters, his sister ventures into more difficult moves and their compositions. Loops, turns, riding backwards and on one leg... even jumps – with careful assist.
It's nice to skate together, having a large surface at their disposal. Of course, one have to mind other skaters and sometimes give way to those who have such skills that they could participate in a competition. Just next to them, a girl not much older than Alluka gracefully flew past, made an approach and bounced off to spin around in the air and land, spreading her arms wide. Before Killua can realize it, Alluka, her eyes blazing with excitement, tries to repeat the feat... and it ends badly, that is, with a sprained ankle.
So Alluka can forget about ice skating for a while. She is crestfallen, although, at the same time, a feeling of guilt appears on her face.
"I'm sorry," she says as Killua lifts her onto his back to take her to the hospital. Two pairs of skates dangle from his neck.
"Does it hurt a lot?" Killua asks, and before he hears the denial, he realizes how stupid the question was.
All Zoldyck children have an unnatural tolerance for pain. No, sometimes they don't feel it at all when a normal person would have screamed a long time ago. And even if there is mostly a benefit to it, knowing the price they had to pay is enough to make Killua's muscles tense involuntarily.
Alluka senses it. "Oniichan, are you angry?" she asks in an unhappy voice.
"I'm not mad at you," Killua replies right away.
Alluka is silent for a moment, as if thinking. "Are you mad at the ice, then?" she guesses.
Killua snickers. He feels better immediately.
To be unable to skate is very upsetting, but Alluka tells herself it's a punishment for doing something she wasn't ready for and accepts her fate with dignity. Or, at least, she tries.
Since she is banned from walking, the burden of cooking falls on Oniichan, and Alluka recites the recipes she previously used to him. It should be a simple matter, but somehow Oniichan can burn even water.
"It's amazing," Alluka comments after yet another time.
"Let your brother be inept at something," Oniichan replies. "I am only a human."
"Is every person bad at something?" Alluka asks, marvelling at the concept.
"Usually, people are rarely very good at something."
Alluka wonders what she's good at, but nothing comes to mind. "Is it necessary to be good at something?" she asks after a long moment.
"It certainly makes a lot of things easier. The more things you can do, the better you will do in life."
Alluka falls silent again. It looks like her chances are hopeless... "Oniichan… Can I stay with you?"
"Of course. I promised you that," Oniichan replies immediately. "Why are you asking so suddenly?"
Alluka looks down and starts twiddling her fingers nervously. "Because I thought that… since I have no skills, I should stick to you, because you know everything and can do everything. Well, apart from cooking…"
For a moment, Oniichan stares at her in silence. His eyebrows are knitted, and he seems somewhat confused. But then he suddenly bursts out laughing and starts rolling on the couch, holding his stomach. When he looks at Alluka again, tears are flowing from his eyes. When he finally contains himself, he starts counting on his fingers.
"In less than half a year, you learned how to ski and skate, cook and talk to people. You learned countless names of animals, plants and colours. You have read some four hundred books probably in every field, memorizing their content. You understand higher mathematics and physics and have the geography of the world at your fingertips. And I'm quite sure that's just part of your talents. Who is going to make it in life if not you?"
Alluka nods, reassured. If Oniichan says so, it must be so.
Alluka's ankle is healing at its own pace – the doctor has ordered that she not put any weight on it for three weeks, but Alluka is clearly having trouble with it. Twice now Killua had caught her trying to walk.
"But it doesn't hurt," his sister protests.
"Look, it's still swollen," Killua says. "It won't heal if you keep straining it. You'll have to stay at home much longer, and I don't believe you want that. It's only two weeks more."
"But it doesn't hurt..."
Killua grits his teeth and says nothing more. He hopes that Alluka doesn't remember how she developed her insensitivity to pain.
He wonders if their parents tried to create monsters out of their children consciously. Considering the consequences, it is safe to say that they were successful, because the mere inability to feel pain strips one of their humanity.
Silva and Kikyo had a duty and desire to raise the next generation of assassins – after all, the children of assassins couldn't do anything else. Murderous training, which cannot be called anything other than torture, was one of the measures. It worked out perfectly with Illumi (although Killua is not sure whether it was their efforts that really worked in the case of his eldest brother, or rather some innate tendency, because he doesn't know a greater psychopath), so they just kept it up. Indeed, it worked out perfectly – they created another four killing machines – but not really.
Milluki is a great killer – provided someone else does the killing for him.
Killua is a great killer – apart from his utter disgust at it.
Alluka is a great killer – except it takes just one mistake and the entire family will disappear from the face of the earth, along with half of the world's population.
Kalluto... Kalluto is a big unknown, but his skills are obvious.
Either way, two-in-five is a score far from perfect. But maybe their parents took into account the possibility of failure. They simply produced many children and tried until they succeeded...
Just thinking about it makes Killua feel sick. Once again, he comes to the conclusion that thinking about the Zoldyck family is not good for his health – in addition, Alluka senses his anger very easily. Killua takes a deep breath and puts a smile back on his face, ready to confront his sister.
"You were thinking about something bad again, weren't you?" he hears.
"Do not worry about it."
The days are starting to get longer, even though it's still deep winter. Periods of blizzards alternate with beautiful weather – so their activities depend on it. When it's not snowing, they go sledding, skiing and skating. During snowstorms, they hide at home and spend their time reading, talking, playing games or doing gymnastics. Sometimes, despite full sun and a cloudless sky, it is so cold (like, minus thirty-five) that Oniichan allows only a short walk. Alluka watches the white and blue world through the fantastic images that frost has painted on the windows, and she still can't get over its beauty.
The snow keeps coming, and Alluka wonders if it will ever go away. She wouldn't admit it, but she fears that all nature has died under that thick white layer. She consoles herself with the sight of the still green spruce and pine trees, animals peeking into their yard, and birds that soar outside the windows even at this time of year. She tells herself that the ground is only sleeping under all that snow, sheltered from the frost, and in due time it will come to life again.
As the weeks pass, Oniichan becomes restless and one day asks, "Don't you feel like changing places? Aren't you bored with snow? We've been watching it for months."
Alluka shakes her head, though. "I want to stay here a little longer. Can we?"
"Sure we can. Do you like it here that much?"
Alluka thinks for a moment. "I do like it, but… I think I'm waiting."
"For what?"
"For what will happen after winter."
"Then we'll stay," Oniichan says with a smile and doesn't mention the topic again.
In recent days, Alluka has been wondering more and more about how Oniichan really feels. Around her, he always smiles, and Alluka doesn't doubt his joy, but the longer they are together, the more it becomes clear that Oniichan conceals some of his feelings – and he is very good at it. But does he realize that his sister, whenever possible, watches him secretly, detecting traces of emotions on his face?
Sometimes Alluka knows with absolute certainty that Oniichan is thinking something bad and that makes him angry. 'Don't be angry,' she wants to say then, 'the world is so beautiful' – but she stops herself because she understands that it's not that simple. It's easier to distract him with something funny, although this only works until the next time.
She would like to ask about his concerns, but she doesn't have the courage to hear a denial. What big brother would confide in his little sister?
Ever since Alluka sprained her ankle – which has long since healed – Killua keeps coming back to thoughts of family and childhood. Back then, a few years ago, he didn't think the treatment he was subjected to was anything out of the ordinary. As a very young child, he had no idea about anything, and then – when he did understand already – it never occurred to him that parents normally didn't do things like that to their children. No-one in the family even stumbled that exposing one's own child to extreme conditions and various substances and inflicting pain in every possible way was wrong. Killua grew up knowing that he belonged to a family of assassins and everything he experienced was simply a training that would make him an assassin as well. That was his reality, that was his normality. Children don't question their parents' decisions – they accept them as the only right ones.
Killua is terribly glad he doesn't remember his earliest years, which must have been a greater nightmare than anyone could imagine. By the time he became conscious of the world and himself, he was already hardened and indifferent to pain – and, actually, to everything else – and that must surely have been the point of this training. He was on his way to becoming a perfect killing machine – and probably had the most potential, since his father chose him to be his heir – but something went wrong. Wrong for the Zoldycks, not for Killua.
Killua doesn't know himself why he ultimately turned away from everything they tried to teach him and what they tried to do to him. He's thought about it many times, but the only answer – annoyingly general, too – was that he was different from the rest of his family on some fundamental level. Anyway, it doesn't matter. What matters is that the 'training' didn't harm his psyche in a serious way (okay, his low self-esteem sometimes shows, but that's easy to forget) – as it didn't harm his brothers.
As for Alluka, it all broke her.
Killua doesn't believe in the fairy tale of possession. He sees it as a convenient excuse – a story his parents made up to take responsibility away from themselves. By repeating over and over again that Nanika was an alien entity that had possessed Alluka, they finally believed it themselves and got rid of the feeling of guilt, if they had ever felt it. And instead of taking care of the abused child, giving her care, protection, security – everything that a traumatized mind needs – they locked her behind many thick doors, and the only thing they gave were toys. But could anyone even put the words 'care, protection, security' and the Zoldycks in the same sentence? Laughable.
Killua is completely convinced that Nanika is part of Alluka's psyche, which has crumbled under unbearable torture. He is sure that the ability to fulfil wishes is nothing more than a manifestation of Nen, which was forcibly awakened due to the violence Alluka suffered. He recognizes the same qualities in Nanika as in Alluka: kindness, goodwill, warmth. He knows that Nanika, just like Alluka, can feel joy and sadness and physically show them with smiles and tears. Nanika may have came to being when Alluka, escaping pain and suffering, created a place within herself where she was safe, where she could be herself – a small child who knew only the most basic emotions.
Killua hates his parents for what they did to his sister – and thanks all possible gods that despite everything Alluka remained a good and such a lovely person.
Nanika senses the changes in Alluka. Alluka once experienced only fear and rare moments of happiness. Now there are countless new emotions – still more and more of them. Nanika cannot identify or understand them all because they come to her as simple impressions.
Tickling (anticipation).
Flooding (delight).
Pricking (impatience).
Seething (boredom).
Burning (irritation).
Blinding (joy).
One turns into another – and Nanika is surprised that one person can feel so many things, especially since not all of them are positive. However, since Alluka feels them around Killua, Nanika accepts it without any fear, because Killua is safety for both of them and nothing bad can happen with him. Not because he promised – Nanika just always knew it.
"Nanika, you haven't been out much lately," Killua asks one time while Alluka is sleeping. "Are you okay?"
"I'm… okay."
Killua strokes her hair.
"I'm glad," he says with a smile.
"Alluka… is… happy. I'm… happy. I… sleep."
"If you want anything, let me know."
"'Kay."
"Thank you for taking care of Alluka."
"Killua…?"
"Mhm?"
"I love you."
She receives another caress.