Chapter 7 - They're Written Down in Eternity
Author's Note: Bonding with Anakin and Ahsoka. :D
~ Amina Gila
Sitting next to Ahsoka waiting for her to wake up is familiar. Anakin's done it countless times during her training – sometimes, it was even Fives who stunned her ,and he doesn't want to think about their relationship here. It hasn't been long when she finally stirs, eyes opening slowly.
Her gaze lands on Anakin a split second later, and she instantly jolts upright – or tries to, because she's still moving shakily, recovering from the stunblast.
"It's alright," he tells her soothingly. "I'm not here to hurt you."
She glares at him, though her gaze lingers a moment on her lightsabers, and he shifts so they're pointedly out of reach. "You're a Jedi," she shoots back, "That's what you do. Destroy things."
He ignores the sting of it. It's not true, even if sometimes... It's what he was born for. To destroy things. That's what being the Chosen One means. And there have been times the Jedi have him do things he questioned, but it – it doesn't matter. He can't presume to know better than them, and he has to follow the orders he's given. "I don't know what the Jedi were like here," Anakin replies, because he doesn't and even if some of them are good, Qui-Gon did say many were losing their way. For all he knows, there could've been Jedi who hurt Ahsoka in this reality. "But in my reality, that isn't what it's like."
"I don't even know what you're talking about," she retaliates, "How can you be from another reality?"
"The Force brought me here. I don't understand how it happened, either."
Ahsoka looks like she only half believes him, not as if that's a surprise. "I'm sure Lord Kallous will be interested in hearing that."
Anakin stills, breath catching in his throat at the name. "You know him?"
She scoffs. "Of course, I do. He's the new head of the Inquisitors now." She hadn't made any move to try escaping though, and he finds himself wondering if it's because she failed her mission and she knows that. And he doesn't think Sith are overly tolerant of failure. "Where are the others?" she demands, eyes narrowed. "What do you want with me?"
"Gone," he supplies, "I only want you to... be alright, and I can see that you're not, with the Empire."
She glares at him. "I don't need your help. I don't even know who you are."
He knows that, and he really doesn't need the reminder. "I know, but to me, you're still Ahsoka, and that's all that matters." But she's obviously never had anyone take care of her before, and her coming to trust him is going to take him.
"Do you even have a name?" Ahsoka demands, still glaring at him.
"Anakin Skywalker," he replies, "You were... my padawan." She meant the world to him, gave him a focus during the war. She was what defined so much of his friendship with Rex too, as they raised her together.
"You already said that," she retorts, standing up, stalking a few paces away though she's still moving a little unsteadily, the effects of being stunned wearing off. "And that doesn't make any sense."
Anakin stands too, though he doesn't approach her. "Come with me," he requests. It would be far easier if she'd come willingly, even if he doubts it'll be that simple. "You may not have seen it, but the Empire is hurting people."
"And the Rebellion isn't?"
"I know the Rebellion has, too." He still can't say he supports them, but if the fight is something Qui-Gon believes in, he's staying with him. "But the Empire is... worse. Instead of helping the galaxy when they have the power to, it's hurting everyone. And the clones... are their property." (That's somewhat true for the Republic too, and he doesn't want to think about it. The Republic is falling apart, corrupt, and he hasn't believed in the Republic's system in a long time, at least not since Palpatine first took him to the Underworld when he was thirteen and showed him what it was truly like.)
"And the Rebellion slaughters them without a second thought," Ahsoka snaps back.
He doesn't doubt that, knowing how many are Separatists in his time, and it makes him sick. He's doing this for the galaxy, not to help either side. Not so long as the leadership of the Rebellion is the same, at least. Because he's never going to hurt the clones. "I don't doubt that," Anakin tells her, "But what the Rebellion does, does not excuse what the Empire has done."
She doesn't argue the point, looking almost sullen more than anything else. Probably, it's a point she knows she really can't argue.
He can hear the engine of an approaching ship suddenly, and pauses, looking up to see Lost Familiar finallyflying in.
"Can I trust you won't try to kill anyone?" Anakin asks her.
"You're holding me prisoner," she snaps, which answers nothing except that he'll need to be on guard.
"Is fighting for the Empire what you want to do?" he asks, because he can't imagine it is. His Ahsoka never wanted to fight in a war. That was why she left, in the end.
To that, she crosses her arms, ignoring the question entirely which leaves him almost certain she doesn't want to fight here anymore than she did in his time, even if she... doesn't let herself think about it, because it doesn't matter to anyone. Because she can't walk out if she wants to, unlike with the Jedi.
Lost Familiar lands a short distance away. Anakin approaches Ahsoka, holding himself back from touching her only because he doubts she'd be comfortable with it right now. "Come," he requests. She glares at him again, but heads for the waiting ship thankfully with little resistance.
Qui-Gon and Padme are waiting right inside, when Ahsoka stalks past them.
"Is that an Inquisitor?" Padme asks, expression tensing.
"Yes. She used to be my padawan," Anakin explains, pausing, "I know I can still help her." Even if she's fallen, he refuses to believe that Ahsoka could be lost. And he wonders suddenly, if this desperation to help her, this feeling of how he failed her, is how Qui-Gon feels towards Obi-Wan. He really doesn't want to think about that... mess right now. He needs to stay focused on Ahsoka.
She always has been, and always will be, the most important person in his life. She's his padawan. His future.
Qui-Gon nods, expression warm, as always. "If we cut off everyone whose choices differ from our own, we would stagnate and cease to learn, cease to grow. We must let people choose their path, and let them go as they see fit, but always leave a door open for them to return. Despite what others may call them, no one is ever truly lost."
(Is that true about Obi-Wan, too? Is there still a way to reach him? Qui-Gon already tried and failed, but that doesn't mean...)
"If it isn't the obnoxious, little tooka-Togruta," Asajj drawls appearing in the entrance to the hold where Ahsoka is standing, arms crossed.
"If it isn't the hairless harpie," she shoots back, glaring.
Force.
Why did he not expect them to know each other in this universe, too? Did she nearly kill Ahsoka here, just like she did in his reality? And he really doesn't want them both to start fighting.
"You don't need to escalate this," he says.
Asajj huffs, dramatically rolling her eyes, but she doesn't dispute the point.
"What are you, a rebel cell?" Ahsoka asks.
Anakin's about to say no, but he pauses, unable to help thinking... how much he would like that. The three of them are the only ones he has here, and he wants them to stay. Wants to... keep that. And if he's going to keep Ahsoka somewhere, he'll need somewhere to stay consistently so he can keep an eye on her.
"We... could be?" Anakin suggests, gaze darting between the others.
"I have not worked as part of a group before, but we're already working together," Qui-Gon agrees.
"I didn't sign up to stick around permanently, but I'm fine staying your pilot for now," Asajj supplies.
"I won't be able to stay once I find my sisters, but for now, I wouldn't have a problem with that," Padme says.
"You don't even know what you are?" Ahsoka asks, dubiously, despite the warmth that spreads through Anakin. That means – if they all agree, that means they'll work together as an official group, at least for now. Even if it's not fair for the others, because Anakin will have to leave eventually. But at least they'll be together, for... now.
"I did not intend to come here," Anakin reminds.
"So, what does that make us?" Asajj drawls.
"A squad?" Padme proposes.
"A team," Qui-Gon offers.
"A pack," Asajj answers her own question.
Seriously?
"The galaxy's greatest group of bumbling morons," Ahsoka snarks.
Anakin laughs. He can't help it. "That may not be wrong either, but that was not what I had in mind."
"Really," Ahsoka deadpans, "What term would you apply to the biggest idiots in the galaxy I'm surrounded by?"
"... I was going to say family." Because that's really what they are, even if he wouldn't have said it so bluntly if the others hadn't brought it up. Jedi don't have family, but that doesn't mean he didn't see Obi-Wan and Ahsoka as his family every bit as much as Shmi was.
"Hmm," Asajj says, "Would that give me the weirdest baby brother in the galaxy?"
Baby brother? Seriously? "I've never had a sister before." Anakin has seen how the clones are towards each other, and they're close. That's not something he can entirely understand, but he's... always wanted that. He wishes he could have someone who just... who he could trust, share everything with, could count on to always be there. That's what siblings do. That's not something Anakin has ever had, either. There were Kitster and Rex, but that... wasn't entirely the same.
"Neither have I, but I don't think that's what I'd call Padme."
"I wouldn't either," Padme agrees, dryly. And he definitely doesn't see Padme as anything like that. They're friends, and they're... getting closer, but something about her is very different than it is with Asajj. Anakin trusts her, but he never – okay, he knows what it is, but that's not something he's anywhere near ready to think about right now. He's from another reality. This isn't his Padme. She has her own life.
"Where do you intend to take her?" Qui-Gon asks, interrupting their conversation.
"I was thinking back to the base," Anakin replies, "And if we think that's too dangerous, we can just... sit in space for a while, until they tell us someplace to go." On second thought, until they know they can trust Ahsoka – he keeps forgetting they can't – that's probably for the best.
**w**
Space it is, then.
Anakin was expecting someone to question his decision on taking in Ahsoka, but he somehow didn't expect Padme to be the first one to talk to him about it. "Are you sure bringing an Inquisitor aboard is the best idea?" she queries, sitting beside him when he's alone in the cockpit.
"It may be... a risk," Anakin concedes, because he knows how easily Ahsoka could find a way to contact someone and call the Empire right to them. But this is Ahsoka, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for her. "But I know she is unhappy with what she has done for the Empire, and she needs a... chance to leave."
"I don't have a problem with helping her," Padme sighs, "She's so young. I can't believe the Empire's had someone like her fighting alone all this time, but I'm worried about the cost that could come from it."
"So long as we are away from the rest of the Alliance, she would have nothing to gain by reporting us. She failed her mission, and the Empire will not treat that kindly." It still makes him feel sick to think about. Whoever hurt her before, he... should not be thinking about how much he wants to retaliate because that's not the Jedi way, but he can't help it just this once.
"I know," she agrees, though she still seems reluctant, "But if we're called on a mission, someone will still have to watch her. We can't leave her anywhere."
He'd doubt himself more about this if they were talking about anyone else. "We will... find a way." He doesn't know how, but he's not going to give up.
"I understand that you want to help her, but she's... not the person you knew. We don't know what she's lived through or what she believes here, as opposed to in your reality. I'm just concerned that keeping her here is going to backfire eventually, especially if she's not changing the way you're expecting." She says it firmly, though the way she's talking doesn't have the same authority that the other Padme always spoke with.
"She will," Anakin replies fiercely, because Ahsoka is the one person he will always believe in. "I know what she's like."
"But you said not everyone is the same."
"Their... core is, even if their lives and choices are not." That, he doesn't have a reason to doubt. (What does that mean about Obi-Wan?)
"I'll trust you on this," she concedes, finally, "But I still think you should be careful. She's not the same as who you knew."
"I know." And he will be, but he can't believe he's wrong about this.
**w**
Staying on the ship together means they have to actually settle on sleeping arrangements. The ship only has four rooms, and Asajj insists she has 'rights to her own personal space' and is getting a room all to herself.
Not that anyone was questioning that.
But someone will have to double up, and since they don't really want to leave Ahsoka unobserved right now, they settle on Anakin sharing the same room with her. She seems none too happy about it, but she's not happy about any of this so that goes without saying.
He buries her lightsabers – and his – somewhere out of her sight before he goes to sleep that night. Maybe he should be more on edge, but it's somehow calming in some ways, to hear Ahsoka's quiet movements on the top bunk right above him.
They used to sleep side-by-side countless times throughout the war. Until she left. There were so many times he woke up at night expecting her to be there, only to remember that was gone. Hopefully to somewhere safer where she wouldn't have to fight, but that never stopped the ache in his heart that her absence left.
Maybe this isn't his Ahsoka but having her here still... helps. A little. Even if it makes him miss his own even more. He doesn't know what's happening to her right now, if she's alright without him.
Anakin doesn't know how long he's been sleeping when a sudden noise jolts him awake. He's alert instantly, the way he always is, braced for... something.
Except all he hears is Ahsoka moving restlessly on the bunk above him, a strangled sound escaping her.
She's... having a nightmare.
Her fear is evident enough in the Force he's almost surprised that didn't wake him sooner.
His Ahsoka had problems with nightmares during the war sometimes, with the violence of it haunting her. Anakin's been used to violence as long as he remembers, even if that doesn't mean it doesn't bother him.
Anakin quietly slides off the lower bunk, moving to the ladder and climbing it. He balances himself as best he can, reaching out to lightly shake Ahsoka's shoulder. Whether she'll appreciate it or not, he's not going to not take care of her.
She jerks awake with a start, eyes wide.
"Ahsoka?" he asks soothingly, hand still on her shoulder.
She blinks a few times, still breathing hard. "What are you doing up here?"
"I sensed you," he replies, meeting her gaze through the darkness of the room. Asking her if she's alright would be pointless. It's obvious she's not. "Do you want to... speak of it?"
She shakes her head slightly, propping herself up on her elbow but doesn't shove him away – he's almost surprised by that. "There's nothing to talk about."
"If it is upsetting you –"
"Why does it matter to you?" She looks more lost than anything right now, not angry.
"We were close, Ahsoka. I... took care of you." You were everything to me he doesn't say.
"I don't understand," she blurts, mostly rambling, "There's no official masters here. The older Inquisitors are in charge, but they're not... It's not like that. Why's your reality so different?" His heart clenches again, thinking about how she must've been raised here. The masters at the Temple were often... cold and distant, but nothing like the impression he's getting about this reality.
"I don't know why it's so different, but the Jedi Order is still standing. Everything is different." He still wants to go home so much, but he can't say anymore that he regrets coming here if it means he gets the chance to help Ahsoka, something no one else would've ever done. "We still fought in a war there, and I know you had a hard time with it. Are you... alright?"
She leans forwards suddenly, wrapping her arms around him. He nearly freezes for a moment at the sheer unexpectedness of it, with how angry she's been the entire day, but he returns it tightly. She's practically clinging to him, a certain edge of desperation to it, as though she's afraid he'll disappear.
He's afraid she'll disappear. Anakin spent so long without her, and every second away was nearly impossible. She might have been where she needed to be, and he might be now, but that doesn't change how he thought everything was going to be over. He thought they'd be able to be together again, and then Sidious happened, and he ended up here.
He never even got to say goodbye. To anyone.
He thought about this Ahsoka so much, fearing that she could be dead, or worse, until he finally found her. She's alive, even if she's been hurt, but that's... what counts. If she's here, they can move forwards.
She's shaking a little in his grip, breathing coming shakily, and it only takes him a moment to realize that she's crying. It nearly makes him want to cry, because this is Ahsoka,and he hates seeing her hurting like this. She's not really one to cry much either, so whatever's upsetting her this much must be bad.
He just holds her tighter, hand lightly trailing across her back as he waits for her to calm down a little. It's the most he can offer, and it seems to be enough – he doesn't know if anyone's done that for her, here.
"I didn't know it would happen," Ahsoka gasps out finally, face buried in his chest. "I didn't know – Rex told me it was a bad idea. I didn't know what'd happen. I just couldn't go back to the Temple and tell them I'd lost."
He feels numb. She's talking about Umbara, isn't she? The same thing Fives was telling him about.
"But I did," she continues, "I lost the battle. I lost – I lost Rex. He's right. I lost all of them – I thought we could pull it off –"
He wishes there was something he could tell her. An it's okay would mean nothing, and be a blatant lie.
"Fives tried to tell me to stop. To listen. I told him to shut up –" Anakin does not believe it happened quite in those terms, but he gets the point. "– that I wasn't going to let us lose."
"You had no one to teach you how to lead," he replies quietly, "Mistakes like that tend to... happen." Especially if no one bothered teaching her when she was barely in her teens, how to do it in the first place.
"They were following my orders. It was my fault. I got them killed."
It's exactly what she said on Ryloth in his time, after they were losing so many there. It was one of the harder planets for them to take. And there really is nothing that makes this better, that constant pain of knowing how many were lost because of your orders. Anakin knows it happens,and he's had to learn to deal with it, how to make the difficult choices when he knows people are going to die because of it either way, but that never truly makes it easier.
"Maybe," Anakin concedes, "But it's... the reality of command. The most we can do is learn from it, so we don't make the same mistakes again." It's the harsh truth, no matter how much he hates it, too. "And it is the way you were taught to be. You couldn't have known better if the Sith never taught you otherwise."
She presses closer to him, and he tries to return it, except the sudden move throws him entirely off-balance – he almost forgot he was still standing on a ladder – and before he can catch something to regain his balance, he's falling.
Anakin hits the ground with a yelp, and Ahsoka lands sprawled on top of him, shrieking disgruntledly.
Of all the things that's happened to them, this is one of the stupidest.
He laughs the moment he has enough air to, and Ahsoka huffs. "I don't see how this is amusing," she says, though she looks visibly amused, too.
"Let's attempt not to do that again," Anakin advises dryly as she slides off him, and he stands, ignoring the ringing in his head. He's had worse landings.
She snorts. "Yeah."
He's... not going to bring up anything more about the Empire right now. If Ahsoka's starting to think about it, he's not going to push her. He's just grateful that he's getting somewhere with her.
"Do you want to go back to bed now?" he inquires,
She hesitates a moment, long enough to indicate the nightmare is probably still bothering her, something he entirely understands. He's far too familiar with nightmares.
"Unless you would prefer to... have a drink first –"
She shakes her head. "No, it's fine. It's late."
"Or we could share the lower bunk, so no one falls off again." He says it at as a joke, even if it... really isn't. His Ahsoka curled up next to him all the time, and he'd find nothing strange about it if she wanted to, though this one doesn't know him, and he rather doubts she'd be comfortable with it.
"And push you off the bunk?" she asks, flatly.
"Not likely," he replies, still amused.
There's a momentary pause of silence, something distant in Ahsoka's gaze. "Did your version of me do that?" she asks.
"Push me off the bunk?"
Ahsoka huffs. "That too."
"Not that I remember," he replies with a laugh, "But... yes, we stayed together frequently. She... had problems with nightmares, too."
She nods slightly, something a little more subdued in her expression as she moves back for the bunk. He gets the feeling she's wondering what it would have been like to live a life where he raised her. She climbs the ladder and he's about to sit down on the lower bunk when a pillow bounces off his head.
"Oops," Ahsoka calls, though she sounds a little too gleeful for it to have been an accident.
He catches the pillow, tossing it back at her. It smacks her in the face before she can block it.
She throws it back at him again, though this time it misses his head entirely, flying across the room and thumping into the door.
"We're gonna wake someone up," she says, as though she isn't one hundred percent guilty of starting it.
"And they'll think we're fighting," he agrees. Which is actually not a joke, because if they heard all the crashing and yelping, they'd probably assume she tried to murder him in the middle of the night.
"Yeah," she concurs, catching her pillow before it can smack her in the face again, and dropping onto her back on the bunk.
Anakin slides onto the one below, and even if it takes some time for sleep to actually come, Ahsoka seems a lot more settled than she did earlier, and he... feels far more rested than he has since he first came here. Maybe everything about ending up here wasn't all bad, even if he still just wants to go home.
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