Stark for President Book 1 Childhood tales and other phenomena

by TeamStark2905

Harry discovers that the end of his friendship with Ronald has a more sinister reason than just jealousy. Nat makes a discovery, and drops a bombshell. Tony is angry, Pepper is supportive, Fury is his usual furtive self and just what does Metatron have to do with this? NSFW, please read ALL the author notes.

3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 No coming back from this

Harry's point of view

I was seething when I listened to the recordings Fred and George had made…

"Would it be… unethical of me to play this in the great hall at dinner?"

"You'll embarrass professor Snape"

"I'll let him hear the recording beforehand."

At the end of potions class I approached Professor Snape's desk

"Sir, would I be able to make an appointment with you, tonight?"
"Of course, Harry?"
"I need to let you hear something, and it's embarrassing for both of us… I thought about doing it in the great hall, but Hermione pointed out that I would embarrass you too and that's not my intention"

"Play it in the great hall and I will give you detention so that we can discuss it."

"I'm not sure if I can do that Professor… it's really, really embarrassing"

"Harry, I understand that you're trying to spare my feelings but I can handle this"
"OK sir but you can't say I didn't warn you how embarrassing it is"
"I appreciate the warning Harry but I can handle it…"

I played the recording in the great hall…

Professor Snape was purple in the face with rage… he came storming over to me like a very angry bat and hissed

"HOW?"
"We invented these… ears sir" said Fred and George sheepishly

"Detention… all four of you… yes Miss goody-two-shoes Granger, you are an accomplice in this too"
"Professor, we didn't set out to embarrass you intentionally, Ronald and Ginevra were the ones in the recording" Hermione replied angrily.

"And they will be dealt with in due course… however… detention still stands"

He stormed thunderously away…

Severus's point of view

The thought thundered like a train around my mind…

Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you? Oh my gosh! Harry likes you! Do you like him? You do, don't you?"

Once that incessant racket had ceased, another one took its place.

You like Harry, Don't you Severus? Come on, admit it! He tried to spare your feelings he's considerate and sweet and thoughtful and handsome and he's sweet on you... it's adorable... obviously you can't pursue him right now - there would be a scandal but if Operation Broadsword has to happen... Ooh have the students brew the Soulmate Revelation potion... You like Harry, Don't you Severus? Come on, admit it! He tried to spare your feelings he's considerate and sweet and thoughtful and handsome and he's sweet on you... it's adorable... obviously you can't pursue him right now - there would be a scandal but if Operation Broadsword has to happen... Ooh, I know, why don't you have the students brew the Soulmate Revelation potion…"

"Professor?"
"Harry?"
"You can hear me?"
"Yes"
"Oh…"
"It's nothing to worry about Harry, it just means we're soulmates"
"How can you tell without brewing the potion?"

"Both of us have studied the conduit of Legillimency."

"Sirius has been teaching me Occlumency and Legillimency. Sir, what's Operation Broadsword?"

"I will explain when I see you. I suggest you floo-call your godfather when you get down here - he's going to have kittens"
"He loves cats"
"I know"

Harry, Hermione, Fred and George turned up for detention.

"All right you four, we have to have a serious conversation… I know you were trying to help… and I know you were reluctant to do it at all… and now I understand why…"

"It's an invasion of your privacy professor"

"Yes it is, it's also an invasion of Harry's privacy and there are things… that you have to understand."

The next morning… an article appeared in the newspaper.

Sirius came storming up to school like a hellhound, Remus hot on his heels. He didn't come to see me initially — he came to see Dumbledore… they had an ALMIGHTY row in the middle of The Great Hall which turned physical when Dumbledore got right into Sirius's face and ended when Sirius broke Dumbledore's nose.

After the fight, Sirius came down to see me.

"Severus we've been friends since our own school days… is it a courtship or… what?"
"I think that's the safest option"

Harry's point of view

Professor Snape put me "in detention" and had me assist him in brewing the Soulmate revelation potion since he wanted to confirm that we were definitely soulmates.

"OK… the potion is ready… put 5 drops onto your square of parchment…"

We did the drops at the same time.

After the fifteen minutes was up, we flipped the squares over.

Harrison Edwin Stark's soulmate is… Severus Tobias Snape

Severus Tobias Snape's soulmate is… Harrison Edwin Stark.

"This has to be wrong? The names I mean, not that we're soulmates - we are soulmates. I know that because I feel safe with you"
"It's not"

"I'm a Potter not a Stark"

"Oh… Harry. I need to talk to you and Hermione about this"

I sent Hermione a message via the gold Galleons we had created and

she came down.

"We're brewing the Familia arbor revelationis potion in class next week. I have some brewed already if you want to test it."
"OK… what do we do?"
"Fifteen drops of the potion, each on the tree… and then watch…"

Hermione Ana Stark
Age 16
Parents: Clinton Francis Stark, Natasha Alianova Stark (Nee Romanova)

Siblings: Harrison Edwin Stark - twin

Extended family: Anthony Edward Stark - Godfather, Virginia Anne Potts-Stark - Godmother, James Rupert Stark - Uncle, Robert Bruce Stark - Uncle, Scott Edward Stark - Uncle. Wanda Elizabeth Stark - Aunt, Pietro Edward Stark - Uncle.

Adoptive parents: Jean and Damien Granger.

This was not the end of the revelations… there were far more to come.

Gryffindor/Slytherin potions class - the following week

Hermione and I stood side by side having successfully brewed the potion as instructed… it was brewing nicely when suddenly, something whizzed by our cauldron and landed in Neville and Draco's, causing the cauldron to explode and covering them both in potion.

Ronald had something in his hand and was about to throw it at Professor Snape.

"PROFESSOR, DUCK!" Hermione yelled a little too late. Fortunately, I have lightning fast reflexes from playing Quidditch and pushed Professor Snape out of the way. He looked surprised and angry.

"Sorry sir but Ronald was about to throw something at you"

"WEASLEY! GO AND SEE YOUR HEAD OF HOUSE… AT ONCE!"

The boy did not respond.

"Professor, allow me to handle this"
"Certainly Prefect Malfoy"

Draco approached the red-headed boy's parchment. He was standing in shock, staring fixedly at the parchment before him. With one last defiant look at Professor Snape, Ronald cast Gemino on the parchment and then picked up his bag and the parchment and left the classroom.

Fred's point of view

George and I had a free period, Percy was revising for his NEWTs and Ginny was storming around the common room

"FAMILY MEETING" Ronald's voice thundered "NOW!"

"What's wrong Ronald?"
"That utter bastard Snape, had us brew the Arbor potion… and either I did it wrongly or… our parents aren't who they say they are… and obviously, I'm too dumb to figure out what it means"
"We are going to headmaster Dumbledore's office right now, and we're going to call our parents and Bill and Charlie too, and we will work out what this means" said Percy

We trooped upstairs to Professor Dumbledore's office.

Percy explained everything to him.

"I'll call Molly and Arthur now… and we can explain everything."

"We should have explained everything when the Goblet debacle happened."
"Here's what went down… your mother desperately wanted a daughter… so she… cheated on me and got her wish… Ronald, Percival and Ginevra are not my children. I resisted temptation to ask for a divorce at the time, but now I am demanding one."

"If you're not our father, who is?"

"I am"

"You know whose behind this? Potter or that stupid frigid freaky mudblood bint!"

Harry's point of view

Severus had contacted my parents to ask for permission for us to start a courtship and they had agreed

"OK so courtship guidelines?"
"Right… courtship guidelines."

"How strict do we want to go?"
"I would say very strict till we're engaged Harry"
"OK… so no kissing before engagement?"
"Yes… two frontal hugs per day then it's side hugs only until engagement"

"You can hold hands before engagement if you wish."

"No engagement till you finish school Harry… unless Operation Broadsword becomes necessary"
"What's Operation Broadsword?"
"It's something I came up with — a protocol of sorts — that will protect all of us and remove us from Dumbledore's tyranny"
"What do you think he has planned?"
"I think he wants his daughter - Ginevra to get her claws into you"
"Never going to happen I've told her that."

"That mother of hers is devious… and so is she. I want you to use the reprimendam escam venenis venenis et carminibus spell at every meal."

"OK… as long as you do the same…"

Later that night in the great hall…

Ronald was steamed because I was ignoring him… I checked my food using the spell Severus taught me before beginning to eat it. Ronald was determined to get a rise out of me. He had already flicked peas and potatoes at me and I had ignored him, Hermione sent a stinging hex at him. He tried yelling at me but I was in my mindscape space listening to Severus read Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. Finally, Ronald had had enough of being ignored. He grabbed me by the hair and threw me into the space between the house tables

"GRYFFINDORS. WE HAVE A PROBLEM. ONE OF OUR NUMBER HAS BECOME A SLIPPERY SLIMY DISGUSTING SNAKE LOVER AND WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. HARRISON EDWIN STARK, IS COURTING SEVERUS TOBIAS SNAPE. WE DON'T TAKE TOO KINDLY TO HIS SORT IN GRYFFINDOR TOWER, I THEREFORE DECLARE THAT HARRISON EDWIN STARK IS NO LONGER WELCOME IN GRYFFINDOR HOUSE. I FURTHER DECREE THAT HIS SISTER HERMIONE ANA STARK IS NO LONGER WELCOME IN GRYFFINDOR HOUSE SO MOTE IT BE."

I was fuming

"ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED?"

SPLAT a forkful of potato caught me on the side of the head

"si acturis ut simia, tunc debes videri ut unum." said Severus

Ronald disappeared and in his place was a small ugly and very angry orangutan. Ginevra sent a bat bogey hex at Severus he deflected it and sent it at Dumbledore.
Furious, Ginevra got to her feet and cast "marinara condimentum adipiscing tua numquam inhaerent! Crescant comae tam crassae quam secare non potes, soboles tua tam hebes et ignarus es!" at Severus

"Petrificus totalus! I've got a little… surprise for you Ginevra…"

"Yo. We call this song Bed Hopping Relic and it was sort of inspired by Ginevra wanting me to fuck her. Also, it was sort of inspired by The Golden Girls."

There was polite applause

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are the WonderWizards and this is a song we like to call the Ballad of Ginevra's innocence"

"Rumours flyin' round same as bats about a belfry

BELFRY

You think you'll have my kid and get very wealthy

WEALTHY

Classless lowlife slut always with another guy

GUY

Real relationships are something that you never try

TRY

You're a bed hoppin' relic

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

YEAH YOU'RE A

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

PRETTY DISGUSTING UGLY WITCH

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BIGGER SLUT THAN BLANCH DEVEREAUX

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy,

I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology.

BIOLOGICALLY

You're the topic of the gossip in the castle halls

CASTLE HALLS

Filthy dirty nasty slut always got a mouthful of some dude's balls

SOME BALLS

The Buzz down in Hogsmeade is you've even had the portraits on the walls

PORTRAITS ON THE WALLS YEAH

Ask me out again and you know my answer will be no

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Ginevra Molly Dumbledore is nothing but a putrid nasty smelly HO

You're a bed hoppin' relic

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her it's biology

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

BIOLOGICALLY FROM HER YEAH

reputation already as a putrid nasty smelly nasty bottom feedin' slut

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH BOTTOM FEEDING SLUT

15 year old mattress more jump than a bouncing bean

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH BOUNCING BEAN

avoid her at all costs you don't know where she's been

WHERE SHE'S BEEN

bed hoppin' relic

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her it's biology

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH BIOLOGICALLY FROM HER YEAH

You think you're popular, that you're real close to us

Truth of the matter is you're promiscuous

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Take a chastity potion and you're gonna bleed out

come on Ginevra don't stand there and pretend you don't know what we're talking 'bout

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology

Word in Diagon Alley is you get ya skills from Molly

Like mother same as daughter rotten to the core

Each thinks she's pretty

Truth is both are filthy putrid nasty smelly nasty whores

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH even bigger slut

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH BIOLOGICALLY FROM HER

Like mother same as daughter rotten to the core

Like father same as daughter

BLANCHE DEVEREAUX YEAH

Guess who her father is…

That's right It's Albus Dumbledore

THAT'S RIGHT DUMBLEDORE SIRED THIS WHORE

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology

Public humiliation sucks, right?

Maybe now you'll think twice

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

Before spreading nasty lies bout the chosen one

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

I'm not holding my breath though I should cos ya pussy smells putrid same as death.

I can smell it from here I don't need to be that near you slut you skank you ho!

You're gonna lose it all cos you can never tell guys no, shameless promiscuity is ya game truth of the matter is it should be ya middle name

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

You pull shit same as this again

And ya brother won't be the only one

With a horse's head in his Bed!

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology

You're a bed hoppin' relic

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

It takes a lot of guts for guys to tell you no

You're a bed hoppin' relic,

Filthy dirty nasty putrid nasty smelly brutal trash bag ho,

You're a even bigger slut than Blanche Devereaux

You think that you're a clever pretty witch

Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

You're a rotten bottom feeding ho same as ya mommy, I can see you got ya slut's skill set from her. It's biology

same as ya mommy , you're a rotten bottom feeding ho Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

same as ya mommy , you're a rotten bottom feeding ho Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

same as ya mommy , you're a rotten bottom feeding ho Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

same as ya mommy , you're a rotten bottom feeding ho Child, get a clue you ain't nothing but a putrid nasty smelly bitch

putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

putrid nasty smelly bitch

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

listen Hogwarts and heed my words

remember this boys and girls, don't be absurd

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

don't copy Ginevra's crimes

or you may just inspire me to rhyme

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

and whatever you do… remember when it comes to Ginevra and Molly… SAY NO!

peace out!

FIFTEEN YEAR OLD MATTRESS

BED HOPPING RELIC OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

OOOOOH

Thanks for listening, peace"

There was absolute silence in the great hall and then cheering and whooping..

Hermione had deposited the Chastity potion in Ginevra's pumpkin juice. As soon as the annoying little chit began to drink her juice, she gasped, then she squealed and then… she ran out of The Great Hall one of her hands on her belly, the other on her crotch.

Sirius approached

"Come on, we need to go to New York… your parents want to see you, as do Hermione's godparents. This isn't operation Broadsword, but we're going to discuss that."

"Gryffindor have kicked me out."

"I have a spare room Harry, it has its own en suite."
"Thanks Professor"

We went back to The Great Hall in time to see the Aurors arresting Dumbledore. He was kicking and screaming like a toddler pitching a fit for a sweet or a toy. His three children were being arrested with him and their mother.

The teachers went into a meeting for the rest of the afternoon so we were left under the supervision of the prefects and head boy and girl.