The Wolf's Tail

by myheadsgonenumb

A Marauders Era long fic. 4 boys grow up in a Golden Age of fun, feasts and friendship. These are their glory days; white Christmases and hazy summers, stretching ahead of them for an eternity, and them the kings of their own magical castle. But outside their walls, their little world is growing more dangerous. Dark wizards are on the move - and, year by year war creeps ever closer

85. The Morning After the Night Before

Chapter Eight: The Morning After the Night Before

Remus woke up face down on the floor, shivering with the cold; his muscles were screaming with pain more than was usual and his skin seemed to sting. Although his neck protested the movement, he raised a weary head and then blinked in surprise at the deep, red gash he saw scratched into his arm. He always bit and scratched himself at the moon, but he had never seen damage like that before.

He slumped back down. His face seemed to sting as well. The last time the wolf had attacked his face had been the night his mother had died. His mind was a blank, any thought was lost in the deep fog of hurt and exhaustion which seemed to smother him, cocoon like… and yet, even through this interminable mist, he was beginning to suspect that something had gone wrong.

He just did not normally hurt so badly.

His suspicions were confirmed when he heard a sharp tapping of shoes enter the shack (he was too tired to move and find his clothes) and he heard McGonagall's voice and not Madam Pomfrey's say, 'I'll find your robes for you, Mr. Lupin - are they upstairs?'

He grunted in agreement, listening to the footsteps walk away, and reflected that she had at least not called him "Remus"... so no one was dead. If Big Macca was here it meant something bad had happened, she only came to get him when something bad had happened, but if he was still "Lupin" then it was nothing which could not be fixed.

He lay very still, not wanting her to return because then he would have to move, and fretted about his face.

The footsteps returned and, even in his weary and agonised state, Remus blushed as he took his robes from McGonagall, turning away from her to protect his modesty as he pulled them over his head. The heavy fabric stuck to his fresh wounds, making him hiss in pain. He struggled to get his shoes and socks on. McGonagall waited patiently; he considered asking her what was going on but was not sure what would turn out to be worse - the knowing or the not knowing.

As they left the downstairs room he noticed how ripped up the place was, and that even the door was hanging off its hinges, broken in two. The wolf had been frenzied, that much was clear.

'Something happened last night,' he said at last, half questioning, as they made their way back down the tunnel. He was limping and McGonagall had to wrap an arm around him to support him, though this was awkward as he was now much taller than her and she could not easily reach his shoulders.

'Yes,' she said, looking at him keenly. 'Do you remember?'

'I know I've hurt myself,' he winced, taking a sharp intake of breath as his ankle throbbed and threatened to go over. 'More than I normally do…' he fought to put the pieces of the night before together in his mind. There was rage and pain, as there always was, hunger and the desperate urge to break the bounds of the shack, to escape its confines and… 'There was a light,' he said slowly. 'A bright flash, it made me wild, and then… Snape? '

McGonagall gave a sniff. 'I'm taking you to Dumbledore now.'

'Is Snape alright? Is he…?'

'He is alive,' she said shortly. 'And unscathed, which is more than I can say for you. Dumbledore will have to sort it all.'

They climbed out of the tree. The air was cold but it had finally stopped raining, the sky was now a pale blue; the ground was still soft and churned from the night before and Remus felt himself sinking into it, threatening to fall. He was grateful for McGonagall's arm, helping him limp towards the sure ground of the castle.

Hogwarts was still quiet, as they entered through the doors. The students were not yet up as it was still early, and Remus was thankful not to be seen in this state - all beaten up and with scratches on his face, which throbbed - though he did not yet know how bad they were.

It took a long time to reach the tower, where two griffins guarded what appeared to be a blank stretch of wall, and every step he took hurt, but he was still not anxious to find himself in front of Dumbledore, having to explain how he had almost come to kill one of his fellow students, when he had no idea how this could be.

'Cough candy,' Professor McGonagall said. The griffins sprang apart and the wall slid open, leading to the spiral staircase which moved upward all by itself. They stepped on and were carried up. Remus remembered only too well the last time Big Macca had brought him here after a full moon, rather than letting him go straight to the Hospital Wing. It had been towards the end of second year, when a mysterious but vicious death in the village had led the then Minister for Magic herself to come to Hogwarts to arrest Remus. Sirius had saved the day that morning… and Remus found himself hoping that, whatever was up, his friend could work similar magic today.

There had been a squat toad-faced secretary of the Minister waiting just outside the office, back in second year, and Remus was relieved to see that neither she nor anyone like her was milling about today. And there was no Minister inside the office - which was more than welcome, as Harold Minchum had already taken against Remus after the previous Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor had threatened to expose to the world the fact that a werewolf attended Hogwarts and the Ministry knew about it.

When Remus entered the circular and very beautiful room which made up Dumbledore's quarters, the Headmaster himself was sitting behind his desk, looking grave, and Slughorn was standing to one side, his hand on Snape's shoulder. From the whiteness of his knuckles, it seemed like the Potions Master was squeezing rather hard. Snape stood stock still and was rather pale (even more so than normal). His eyes, which were black, and always gave the impression of staring into dark tunnels, seemed even more unfathomable than usual, though he did give an involuntary jerk as Remus walked in and edged as far away as he could while Slughorn still had a tight grip on him.

But to Remus's great surprise they were not the only ones in the room. His own friends were there as well. Peter was looking rather diminished and was trembling quietly in the corner. Sirius wore the blackest scowl Remus had ever seen on him (and that was saying something), though his expression twitched a bit when he saw the scratches on Remus's face, before his glower intensified in its darkness. He glared in Snape's direction, and every so often Snape would glare back.

James was there as well - and he looked the worst of the bunch. He was in an absolutely dreadful state. His glasses were crooked, though that was the least of it. He had two black eyes blooming, and a cut across his forehead and his nose looked slightly bent out of shape. Unlike everyone else, however, he grinned cheerily when Remus walked in the room and gave him a small wave.

Feeling slightly unreal, and more than a little confused, Remus gave him a small wave back.

'Thank you for joining us, Mr. Lupin,' Dumbledore said, getting to his feet. 'I am aware we are intruding on your recuperation time, and we need to get you to the Hospital Wing as quickly as possible, however there are some things we need to talk about first. I fear last night was a difficult one for you. Indeed, it was a near disaster for us all.'

Remus flushed, remembering very vividly - all of a sudden - Snape standing frozen in the doorway and him, in monstrous form, bounding towards him - ready for the kill. 'I didn't mean to attack anyone,' he mumbled. 'I don't even know what happened.'

'That is what we are all here to find out. Mr. Snape - please explain to me why you were out of bounds last night and ignoring measures that have been put in place for your and everyone else's safety?'

It was Snape's turn to flush - an ugly, mottled red, deep and dark like wine, staining his pale skin. 'Black told me to go,' he said.

'That's a lie!' Sirius shouted.

'It's the truth,' and Snape's dark eyes flashed dangerously. 'I asked where Lupin went every month with Madam Pomfrey and he told me to prod the knot in the willow and find out. I was not sure why he told me that at first, but I know now he intended to murder me.'

For he had realised, last night, when he had been returned to his dorm and told Dumbledore would speak with him in the morning, precisely what Black's game had been all along. It had been nothing so crude as hoping he, Severus, would get injured by a tree branch, and nothing so short sighted as hoping he would be expelled.

It had been a plot to kill him, pure and simple - no doubt cooked up among all his friends. Black had told Sev how to get into that tree, knowing full well his pet werewolf would rip Severus to pieces once he reached the shack. He was a madman. A murderer. And his friend was a monster. And Potter was just as bad. He might have got cold feet and changed his mind, but he had gone along with it at first, he had let Sev plan his journey to the shack, laughed as Sev had first gone there to gain information - and then only come after him once he realised that Sev's death would mean his own expulsion from school.

But the odious Black was not taking responsibility even now. 'Oh come on - I didn't try to murder him!' he yelled, looking totally outraged and more than a little disbelieving. 'How should I have guessed what a total pillock he would be? I've always known he was a thundering moron, but Professor Dumbledore, you can't honestly blame me for not realising he was that thick!'

Snape's hand twitched by his side, as if he was longing to pull out his wand and start hexing.

Sirius ignored him. 'He asked a stupid question and I gave a stupid answer. And I shouldn't have done. I'm sorry. Not to Snivellus. If you go werewolf hunting on a full moon you deserve to get your head ripped off. But I'm sorry he did what I said and put Remus in danger!'

Dumbledore gave him a searching look, 'Are you being quite honest when you say you truly did not believe Snape would take you at your word?'

'Of course I am. I mean - I didn't think about it at all really. I'd totally forgotten we'd even had the conversation until I saw him heading to the willow last night.'

Snape's eyes flashed again. 'He's lying to save his own skin, Headmaster,' he spat - and his face was screwed into a scowl. 'They were all in on it - they were all laughing. That's how Potter knew where to come to stop me. And the wolf knew too. He was waiting.'

'OF COURSE HE WAS WAITING, YOU BERK, IT'S HIS SAFEHOUSE. YOU WERE BREAKING INTO IT.'

'BECAUSE YOU SENT ME THERE SO YOUR PET MONSTER COULD KILL ME!' Snape's face was twisted with rage, and flecks of spit flew from his lips. Meanwhile Sirius had pulled out his wand and was wielding it ready to hex.

Remus simply felt exhausted, and wished he could sink through the floor into a comforting black nothingness.

Dumbledore raised a hand, and both boys stopped their yelling, though they still glared daggers at each other. 'Mr. Potter, I have to ask,' he said, 'were you aware of what Mr. Black had done before last night?'

'No! I swear. I would have done something beforehand if I'd known. Sirius has been an idiot, but none of us would have let it get this far.'

'Mr. Lupin, did you know anything of what Mr. Black had said?'

Remus looked up in alarm. 'No!'

'Of course he didn't know. He's innocent in all this!'

'None of them are innocent, they were all trying to kill me!'

'Piss off, Snivellus.'

'Quiet ,' Dumbledore commanded. He looked around at them all and then began to speak at length, his voice calm but tired. 'What has happened here is regrettable, and seemingly fuelled by foolishness on both sides. Mr. Snape, you had no right to go interfering in Mr. Lupin's private affairs, no right to investigate where he was going or what he was up to. You must take responsibility for your own actions in going to the Whomping Willow last night for, whatever Mr. Black's intentions may or may not have been, he neither dragged you there nor forced you there at wand point. You willingly walked into the lair of a werewolf. You endangered yourself, and you have caused great harm to Mr. Lupin. You could have been dead this morning, or bitten, and it is Mr. Lupin who would have had to face the consequences of that, as unfair as that would be…'

Remus looked down at his shoes. He did not want to think about how close he had come to being a killer. Or what would have become of him if he had. He felt sick. And somewhere in the back of his mind a treacherous little voice said "It was Sirius who betrayed you - you could be in Azkaban by now, and it would be down to him." He tried to quash it, he was being unfair. Sirius had not meant anything; he hadn't thought. "But then he never thinks," the treacherous voice whispered. "How much can he really care about you, if he is so careless with your darkest secret?"

He was barely listening, as Dumbledore continued to speak. 'It seems we can only be grateful at Mr. Potter's quick and decisive action and outstanding bravery. You owe him your life, Mr. Snape - had he not run to the shack and saved you…'

Remus looked up, alarmed once more, and shot a swift look at James, before staring back at Dumbledore in horror. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Snape purpling with rage. But all Remus could think about now was the fact James had been in the Shrieking Shack, that Remus could have killed him too. "He's seen you now," the treacherous voice echoed around his mind. "What you really are… and he'll tell the others. They won't want to be your friend now."

Snape, on the other hand, was now an alarming shade; he was writhing beneath Slughorn's grip and he was breathing so hard he sounded in pain. 'HE WAS IN ON IT!' he yelled, pointing a trembling accusatory finger straight at James. 'THEY ALL WERE!'

''Pon my word boy, calm down, you can't go around throwing out accusations like that - not against someone from a good family like Potter's,' Slughorn huffed.

Dumbledore frowned. 'The families involved are immaterial - what matters is what happened and who is responsible, and what we need to do to move forward, now more people than necessary know Mr. Lupin's secret.'

Remus felt his stomach lurch. He was about to be told he would have to leave the castle; he was sure of it. Snape would tell everybody and he would be chased out. Even if he wasn't expelled in disgrace, this was the moment where Dumbledore would tell him he had to leave for his own safety. He had always feared this day would come, and now here it was. He stared down at his shoes again, and blinked back tears and tried desperately to ignore that little voice which whispered, "They won't even care that you've gone. Now they have seen what you really are, they will be glad not to have to share a dorm with you." As hard as it was to be forced out, it was even harder to think that his friends would not send him letters, or visit in the holidays or invite him to Diagon Alley… he would be all alone again, like when he was younger, only without his mum to comfort him.

'Professor Dumbledore,' Professor McGonagall spoke for the first time since she had entered the office, 'although the situation is regrettable, I think it is quite clear that my boys are not to blame. Indeed, without Potter's heroics and Pettigrew's alerting us to the danger, things would have been much worse.'

Snape actually hissed in response.

They all turned to stare at him - but he was too lost to his anger to feel even the most momentary flicker of embarrassment.

Sitting back down, Dumbledore stroked his beard for a moment, contemplating the situation, and then he spoke once again. 'It is my personal judgement that Mr. Black showed a hotness of head, and a woeful disregard for his friend's safety and secrecy, when he told Mr. Snape how to get into the Whomping Willow. However, it was not meant any more maliciously than any other run ins he may have had with Mr. Snape, and rather less maliciously than some. It was a youthful indiscretion - but an indiscretion that cannot go unpunished, as the consequences could have been so severe. Mr. Black - in order to teach you the value of maintaining your silence, and secret keeping for your friends - I will set you a week's worth of detentions… Minerva, you can sort those out.'

Sirius nodded, he was pale - but looked relieved to be getting off so lightly. His scowl returned, however, when Dumbledore then turned to address Snape.

'Mr. Snape - from what I can tell of this situation, you appear to have been the main instigator…'

'I AM THE VICTIM.'

'Do not shout at me , Mr. Snape - it will not work in your favour. It appears to me that Mr. Black - who was foolish and irresponsible in the answer he gave you - was indeed answering a question you asked him . It was none of your business where Mr. Lupin went, you chose to make it so. You also chose to act on Mr. Black's information -'

'HE TOLD ME-'

'If Mr. Black told you to curse yourself in the foot, I would not expect you to do so,' Dumbledore interrupted him calmly. 'Do not speak over me again. I believe you knew full well what you would find in the Shrieking Shack - and yet you chose to go there on a full moon. I believe your intention was to expose Mr. Lupin's secret, as evidenced by your taking a camera with you… which we will confiscate, by the way.'

'I have it here, Dumbledore,' Slughorn said, taking a camera out of his pocket and placing it on Dumbledore's desk.

Through the fog of his worry and shame, Remus stared at the camera - blinked once or twice - and then said, 'That's my camera. It was my mum's. I lost it…'

Dumbledore frowned, 'So we can add petty theft to your crimes, Severus, very well…'

Snape was biting his tongue so hard he was practically choking, as he forced down every bitter word he wanted to yell about the unfairness of the situation, and the clear partiality of Dumbledore for the Gryffindors over a Slytherin.

'I hope very much that you can use this as an opportunity to learn; that you can begin to recognise that boundaries are in place for a reason and that you do not need to know things which do not concern you - indeed that there are some things you have no right to know. I hope you will take this opportunity to re-evaluate your behaviour and think carefully how you proceed from here. Therefore, you can take a month's detention, Mr. Snape,' Dumbledore told him. 'For being out of bounds, for snooping on Hogwarts' staff, for stealing another student's property and for inflicting injury on and endangering the lives of other students. I will also tell you this once - and only once: Mr. Lupin has a right to be at this school. The safety precautions we have in place are sufficient that no one should get injured provided nobody acts as woefully misguided as you did last night. Therefore, he is in no danger of being asked to leave. The same cannot be said for you, Mr. Snape . If one word is breathed of Remus's condition, the smallest whisper, the faintest rumour, I will see to it that you are expelled from Hogwarts. Now, Mr. Potter -'

He turned away from Snape, who was now magenta and spluttering, and looked at James. 'Due to your quick thinking and undeniable bravery, to your saving Severus's life,' (there was a choking sound from across the room, which Dumbledore chose to ignore) 'and saving your friend from exposure, I will award you fifty points to Gryffindor and a Special Services to the School Award - er - just don't tell anybody how you got it -'

'YOU CAN'T DO THAT,' Snape had lost the battle to bite his tongue; spit flew everywhere as he screamed. 'YOU CAN'T GIVE THAT ARROGANT, EGOTISTICAL IDIOT AN AWARD - HE TRIED TO KILL ME, YOU RIDICULOUS, OLD - mmmphhh.'

He was suddenly cut off from his yelling by Slughorn's hand clamping firmly around his mouth. 'I'll take the boy now, Dumbledore, I'll organise his detentions - don't you worry!' And he dragged Snape towards the door, Snape struggled and fought and even bit Slughorn's hand and started yelling again. But eventually Slughorn wrestled him out of the door, which slammed shut behind them, leaving the office in a sudden, ringing silence.

'Well,' Dumbledore smiled. 'After that rather unedifying display, I think it is time we call this interview to a close. Minerva, if you would be so good as to accompany Mr. Lupin to the Hospital Wing. He looks in sore need of Madam Pomfrey's ministrations. And boys, after the night you have had, I will write a note to your teachers excusing you from morning lessons. I think you too could do with some rest.'

…

Despite the busyness of the Hall that breakfast time, and the owls flying overhead delivering post beneath the pale blue of the enchanted ceiling, it was still almost deathly quiet as everyone ate their toast and porridge. The brand new edition of Sabrina13 went largely unread, and those who did flick through it did so listlessly. Instead of chatter, yawns were stifled and heads nodded over syrup laden spoons; hair was tousled and everyone sported black smudges under their eyes. Any talk was whispered, and laboured, and punctuated with long pauses and was then largely left unanswered.

'I-I'm just exhausted…' Lily sighed, covering her mouth and screwing up her eyes as she yawned hugely. 'That awful racket … I don't know how to describe it.'

There was a long silence, as the girls fought to keep their eyes open and then '... screaming,' Petra said, as if it had taken her a great effort.

There was another silence. Mary's chin hit her chest and she jolted awake. And then Mandy shook her head slowly. '... Howling ,' she corrected. 'It was… it was howling.'

'... I…didn't sleep a wink… once it started up,' Mary said. She, too, yawned widely. She closed her eyes for a moment and seemed to fall asleep with her spoon still clutched in her hand. Her eyes snapped open. 'I just lay there… listening.'

They all seemed to drift away to their own thoughts, or into their own exhaustion, and stayed that way until the bell rang for first lesson.

'What was it?' Petra asked, as they trudged their way out of the hall.

'It sounded like an animal in pain,' Mandy told her.

Walking behind them, her bag slung over her shoulder and her wand tucked behind her ear, Lily began to frown. She turned back and glanced up at the ceiling - seeing the image of the sky outside, and the pale - almost transparent - disc of the full moon which was barely visible in the autumn sunlight. And then her eyes darted to the Slytherin table, where she could see no sign of Sev.

Her frown deepened, but she said nothing to her friends.

…

Unlike the Gryffindor boys, Severus had not been given a special dispensation to miss his morning lessons, however he was missing them anyway. Furious; absolutely red seeing, teeth grinding incandescent with rage; he had taken himself off to his own dormitory, pulled his curtains around himself, sat on his bed and seethed .

He had nearly died, Black had tried to murder him - as plain as day - and had got his pet werewolf in on his little joke - and the moronic, meddling, muggle loving old fool of a Headmaster pretended it had not happened and it did not matter.

The injustice of his situation made him tremble, his hands curled into claws and he dug his nails into his mattress and grunted in frustration. That he was to be punished! Him! The victim! And the would be murderers and their monster got away with it scot free. Worse - one of them was going to get a shiny trophy for his attempt on Severus's life.

He picked his pillow up and held it to his face so it would muffle the scream that he could no longer keep inside.

The bias Dumbledore had shown, in turning a blind eye to the actual crimes of Gryffindors, because they were committed against a Slytherin and Dumbledore did not care about Slytherins. It was unbelievable. Untenable. Black should be in Azkaban - not detention! And Lupin should be there too - and yet he was not even given the fig leaf of a slap on the wrist that Black had been handed.

His teeth made a loud scraping sound, as they ground together so hard they began to hurt. It wasn't just that Dumbledore did not care if he lived or died because of his house, he thought to himself. It was this stupid tournament coming up - in which Potter played a starring role, though it should have been taken from him after this - Dumbledore did not want a scandal just as Hogwarts was about to play host to a boatload of foreign schools. He did not want them looking bad in front of the international community. He was willing to keep a werewolf in a willow and hush up the fact a student almost died, but he did not want to lose face in front of the other Headmasters.

The swine. The cowardly swine.

And now he, Severus, was sworn to secrecy. He could not tell everyone the truth he had risked his life to uncover because then it would be him - and not the monster - who was expelled.

Rage boiled inside of him and spilled out as a bellow. Not using the pillow to muffle himself this time, he hurled it at the curtains as hard as he could instead. It hit the fabric and fell back onto the bed and suddenly he had it in his hands and was smashing it down on the mattress over and over, cursing and screaming until he was exhausted and left feeling empty and spent.

He sat for a while staring into nothingness… and then he reached a conclusion. If he could not get Lupin thrown out of school by exposing him, then he would have to find another way to revenge himself on that hateful group of grinning idiots. He would have to invent a way to make them hurt - to make them bleed. Something special. For enemies.

…

The three Gryffindor boys returned to their dorm, but an awkward silence lay in the air and Sirius was avoiding the others' eyes. He climbed on his bed, pulled the curtains around himself and hid. Peter and James glanced at each other, shrugged, and then said 'good night' (though it was breakfast time) and got into their respective beds, hoping to sleep after the drama of last night.

When Sirius had run on ahead and James was long gone, Peter had decided to find help, rather than chase after them and get left even further behind. He had fled as fast as his short legs could carry him (huffing and puffing all the way) to Big Macca's office and banged on her door, until she opened it. Despite the look of outrage on her face at being summoned so at such an ungodly hour, Pete had been too panicked to even notice and had begun to gabble at her as fast as he could, before she had even had time to draw breath and demand what he wanted.

Almost bent double, wheezing and panting, he had told her the problem and, though it had taken him a while to make her understand how all this could have happened, she had grown pale once she had truly understood the situation and had swept off to Dumbledore's office to alert him - Peter jogging after her.

It was just as they had regaled Dumbledore with the story and he had got to his feet, ready to fly into action, that the howling had started up. It was a dreadful sound - an echoing, undulating wail of pain and anger - that did not let up for even a moment, and which reverberated around the room, causing the window panes to rattle.

Outside in the grounds, Sirius had heard it as well and had to fight the urge to be sick, as he imagined just how much Moony must be suffering, for him to be making that terrible keening sound. His heart had pounded in his chest and he felt the gorge rise in his throat, and tasted something bitter and acidic in his mouth. His anger at Snivellus had burned all the stronger and, caught between rage and frantic worry, he was half on the cusp of doing something desperate or dangerous or just drowning himself in the lake, when he had spotted James clambering out of the willow and then beating a hasty retreat as the boughs rained their blows down on him.

Sirius had picked up the stick, which lay where Snape had abandoned it earlier, prodded that blasted knot and dragged James up to safety.

When the pair of them had managed to haul Snivellus back up to the castle, to be met by Dumbledore, they were exhausted and on the brink of collapse. The howling did not abate. It rang around the entrance hall, making the suits of armour clink and clank and threaten to tumble and, as each fresh, bloodcurdling scream rose in a crescendo and then died away to begin anew, Sirius would shudder - his whole body shaking in sympathetic pain for Remus and horror for himself.

Dumbledore had taken one look at them, and decided there was no benefit to dealing with the boys now. They were too tired, and the harrowing noise from the shack made it impossible to concentrate.

'We will speak first thing in the morning,' Dumbledore had said to them, raising his voice to be heard over the agonised howls. 'Once Mr. Lupin is himself again. For it is he, above everyone else, who deserves an explanation. Your Heads of House will collect you. Go to bed.'

And so they had returned to their dorm, but sleep had been fleeting - as the sound of Remus's pain did not stop all night. Sirius hid behind his curtains, much as he was doing this morning, and cried. They got up before McGonagall came for them, so they could point their wands at their hearts and repeat their animagus incantation. They were awkward as they did it, not looking at each other, and each privately wondering if they should really be going through with this - or if last night had been a signal for them to stop.

The howling died away at last, as the moon sank, and the sun peeped over the horizon, and - alone in the shack - Remus changed back into himself. The silence which followed seemed as ringing and deafening as the screams had been. But - as he was led up to Dumbledore's office - Sirius could still hear Remus's cries echoing around inside his head, and he could still hear them now, as he hid under his bed covers. He stuck his pillow over his head but it did not work. Nothing could block out the memory of Remus's pain.

Eventually, after much wriggling and sniffing and getting tangled up in his blankets, Sirius managed to fall asleep - but it was only a light sleep, in which he ran through the darkness, followed everywhere he went by the most agonising howling and the knowledge that this awful noise was all his fault. In his dream he placed his hands over his ears and screwed his eyes closed, as the sound changed from a long drawn out scream to a loud and monotonous clanging, and he jerked awake to find that the bell for breaktime was ringing.

Despite feeling groggy, and worse than he had when he first lay down, he rolled off his bed and started to hunt for his shoes.

'Wha- whaddaya doin'?' James' face appeared through his own curtains, yawning hugely.

'It's break time - I - we need to go and see Moony.'

James yawned again and looked doubtful. Across the room, Peter stuck his nose out from between his bed curtains, as if sniffing the air.

'We always go to see Moony at break time,' Sirius told them.

'Well… yeah… but…'

'What?'

Peter's nose retracted back inside the safety of his four poster. Even James looked uncomfortable. He rubbed his neck, and swung his legs around so his feet were now on the floor. 'Look - don't fly off the deep end, mate but… maybe we should let Remus sleep this one off? Give him space? Maybe he doesn't want to see us.'

Sirius came to a stop, standing on one leg, one shoe half on half off his foot. He stared at James. 'Of course Remus wants to see us. He said to me he always feels better when he's poorly and people who love him go to see him.'

'When did he say that?' James frowned.

'Ages ago - before his mum died. He was talking about Mrs. Lupin being poorly.'

'Right… Well, that's not the same is it?'

'But is it! That's what we talked about.'

'Were you in bed together when this happened?' James asked, suddenly suspicious.

Sirius paused…'What's that got to do with anything?'

'...Nothing. Look, OK. We'll go and see him… me and Pete. You give him space.'

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but James cut across him and did not give him the chance to speak. 'Look, Sirius I'm going to tell you two facts right now. OK? One: you're my best mate in the world and I love you for it. Two: you are the biggest idiot in the world and you never learn… Both those are true at once. And I know Remus feels the same way, I know he loves you…'

(Hidden behind his curtains, Peter noticed that a pink tinge had spread itself high across Sirius's cheekbones, as James said this, and that the tips of his ears turned red. James, however, seemed to notice nothing and kept on talking.)

'But… right now, I think it's the fact that you're a massive idiot who never learns which will be uppermost in his mind. And he might not want to see you. He'll get over it,' he added hurriedly, when he saw the look of outrage on Sirius's face. 'But think about it, mate, you always do this: first year, you thought Remus had grassed us into Big Macca and stopped talking to him just as his mum was dying…'

(the look of outrage on Sirius's face instantly changed to become one of shame and regret.)

'Second year: you pushed a suit of armour on Morgana Murrows so I could be on the Quidditch Team and lost us the whole cup. Third year: you almost fed your brother to a manticore…'

'That was a genuine mistake - I thought Hagrid…'

'And now you've almost fed Snape to a werewolf. Our werewolf, in point of fact. And in doing so you have betrayed Moony's deepest, darkest secret to his worst enemy. He's totally at the mercy of Snivellus now…'

'Sniv won't say anything - Dumbledore'll expel him.'

James gave him a pitying look. 'Snape is fool enough that he wandered knowingly into a werewolf's lair just to get us into trouble. He could have been killed. Do you really think the threat of expulsion will keep him in line forever? One day he'll tell everyone what Remus is - and Remus will have to leave Hogwarts because of it. And now it's just a matter of waiting. Look, Remus will forgive you in the end, we always forgive you in the end… but right now he needs space. From you .'

'I…' Sirius looked like he did not know what to say for a moment. And then he drew himself up to his full (and considerable) height and stared haughtily down at James. 'I disagree,' he said coldly.

'Then you care more about your own feelings than Moony's.'

The look of outrage came back; for a second, Sirius looked like James had just slapped him. For a second, James thought Sirius might hex him. And then, his cheeks red and his eyes dark and dangerous, Sirius turned on his heel, strode out of the dormitory and slammed the door behind him.

Peter finally crawled out from behind his curtains. 'Do you think he's gone to Remus?' he asked.

But James shook his head. 'No,' he said sadly. 'He's gone to sulk. Come on, Pete - we need to go to Remus.'

…

Professor McGonagall had taken Remus straight to the Hospital Wing from Dumbledore's office and, though Madam Pomfrey was visibly upset by the amount of damage she saw Remus had done to himself in the night, she set to work right away bustling him into bed, getting him fresh pajamas and bringing him Hipworth's Healing Tincture as well as the orange gunky paste she always used to heal the worst of his scratches, and a small mountain of chocolate which need to be chipped off with a chisel and hammer.

Once he was tended to, she also forced the rather foul tasting black potion which gave him dreamless sleep onto him. 'I think it best you not dream about last night just yet, young man,' she said briskly, though her eyes were still worried.

He sat there quietly as she fixed him up, murmuring occasional answers to her questions but not entirely sure what he was saying. He was not listening to Madam Pomfrey, he was listening only to the treacherous little voice in his mind which whispered his worst fears directly into his ears.

"What are they saying about you - now they're up in the dorm without you?" The voice hissed. " James will be telling them what he saw - what a monster you are, he'll be telling them about your claws and jaws and teeth… they'll be horrified… They'll be laughing at your tail. Lupin the monster. Lupin the animal. Lupin the joke… you won't be one of them any more, when you go back. You were never really one of them…"

Madam Pomfrey handed him some chocolate. He took it and ate it but did not taste it.

"And Severus will tell everyone. And he won't really be expelled for it… they didn't expel Mulciber for cursing Mary, they won't expel Snape for exposing a werewolf. You'll have to go and your friends won't care. They never really cared… How could Sirius give away your secret if…"

He was given a beaker of the dreamless sleep potion, Madam Pomfrey said something to him he didn't hear and he took a swig. He was knocked out like a light and slept for a couple of hours, dead to the world. But when he was woken up again, by the bell for break, the voice was still whispering to him as if it had never stopped.

"...he really cared about you? He doesn't care about you - how could he? He's a pureblood, you're a halfbreed. You should never have been friends and now he has put you back in your place. Just you wait - he won't care enough to come and see how you are doing…"

The door opened. Remus's heart beat faster as James and Peter walked inside. 'How're you doing?' James asked him, taking a seat by the bed and picking up the hammer and chisel to chip himself off some chocolate.

Remus could not think what to say. His whole body throbbed, his throat was sore from howling and there was a knot of dread tightening in the pit of his stomach, and all of that was rather difficult to put into words.

Peter shuffled awkwardly. James blushed. 'Er - right - of course you're not doing well.' He handed some chocolate to Pete, and then to Remus - who refused because he felt sick with fear - and James wondered if maybe Remus was angry with the two of them as well as Sirius. 'We're all sorry about last night,' he said.

"Sorry they had to see you as you really are," the voice hissed. Remus blinked, trying to ignore it. 'Si - Sirius didn't come?' he asked (though the empty third seat beside his bed showed that it was plain Sirius was not there.)

'N- no,' It was James' turn to shuffle uncomfortably. 'He - er - well, he thought you could probably do with some space… from him…'

"I told you he didn't care enough about you to visit."

…

Sirius had stormed from Gryffindor Tower, slamming the portrait shut behind him (leading the Fat Lady to squeal and then shout after him in annoyance) and thundered his way through the castle, not sure where he was going, pushing roughly past the many students who swarmed around him. He ended up outside, though he had not meant to go there, and marched along the lake path, scattering first years and growling at Slytherins.

The Whomping Willow loomed up ahead of him, quiet now - as harmless as any other tree - and rage and shame boiled up inside of him at the sight of it, until - needing some sort of outlet - he picked up a stone and hurled it into the depths of the lake, where it landed with a splash, making waves and sending out ripples. He bellowed a bit as well. Some nearby students looked at him askance. He stomped in their direction, and they ran off, squealing.

He tutted to himself, picked up another stone and hurled that as well.

"You always do this" James' voice admonished him, inside his head. "We always forgive you in the end."

Sirius threw another stone. In the end … that was the problem. There was no end; he was in eternal need of forgiveness - careening from one disaster to another, causing madness and mayhem and hurting people without meaning to because, deep down, there was just something wrong with him. He was broken. No wonder everyone thought he was a nutter.

"First year: you thought Remus had grassed us into Big Macca and stopped talking to him just as his mum was dying…" James had said, and Sirius heard him again - now he was alone - feeling once more the aching regret that had always plagued him since he had let Moony down so very badly at the moment he had needed him, Sirius, the most.

"Second year: you pushed a suit of armour on Morgana Murrows so I could be on the Quidditch Team and lost us the whole cup." James was relentless. But that wasn't my fault! Sirius thought back furiously… Yes, OK, he had pushed a suit of armour on Morgana and, alright, it was more luck than anything else that she hadn't died… But he had been so angry (like he was right now) and hurting so much, and he did it without thinking because it would get him what he wanted and he had not been raised by the sort of people who taught him right from wrong or to consider the feelings of others. And so he just ploughed into things - headlong - again and again and again. ( "biggest idiot in the world" James said. "And you never learn." )

He launched his next stone into the lake. "Third year: you almost fed your brother to a manticore." Well Reg had deserved that, and Sirius did not regret it.

"And now you've almost fed Snape to a werewolf. Our werewolf, in point of fact. And in doing so you have betrayed Moony's deepest, darkest secret to his worst enemy. He's totally at the mercy of Snivellus now…"

And worse, he was in pain - terrible pain that Sirius had inflicted on him just as much as the wolf had done… There were more scratches on his face that morning, which would become scars that would never heal. And it was Sirius who had put them there, as surely as if he had carved them there with his own hand using a knife. James said Remus would forgive him in the end, but Sirius was not sure how he would ever forgive himself - not when the evidence of his own thoughtless stupidity was etched into Remus's skin, reflected back at him every time he looked at his friend.

No wonder Remus did not want to speak with him at the moment. Though he had not even realised that for himself. ( "You care more about your own feelings than Moony's," James chided.) He worried how long Remus would be mad at him for. He had, himself, been willing to cut Moony off forever when he thought Moony had snitched on him to McGonagall back in first year, had refused to speak to him for a week…

He wasn't sure he could bear it if Remus treated him just as harshly, in kind. Just as harshly as he deserved.

And it was deserved. But it would ruin everything. Cause a split in the group, make things weird in the dorm and … and he just could not bear the thought of Remus hating him. ( "I Promise I don't hate you, Sirius," he heard little Remus, from second year, say to him. "No matter what you've done. No matter what you do. I promise I could never hate you." This would no longer be true, of course…)

Remus had always been his rock, the one he went to for comfort when things got too much - because, unlike James, Remus, too, knew what it was like to be broken. James lived his whole life on top of the world; rich and loved and brilliant at everything, and he made Sirius feel like he was brilliant as well, and Sirius adored him for it. But whenever he inevitably messed up - because no matter how hard he tried he just was not James - Remus was there to pick up the pieces and put him back together again.

And now he had messed up one more time, perhaps worse than ever. He had hurt Moony - he could still hear that awful howling when everything else went quiet - and he had exposed his secret to that greasy, slimy, big nosed idiot. Sirius was both sorry Snape wasn't dead and glad that Moony had not killed him… there would have been no putting that right. But he wanted revenge on Snape for what had happened, and he wanted to turn back time and take it all back at the same time - to not make that stupid, thoughtless, reckless joke which had rained down so much trouble on their heads.

He had ruined everything, he felt angrier with himself and more alone than he ever remembered feeling - even back in second year, when his mother would lock him in his bedroom for a week at a time and not let him out, even to go to the bathroom. At least it had only been him hurting back then. But now Remus was in the Hospital Wing, scarred and bruised and mad at him, and Snape was triumphant because he had proven what he had set out to prove, and he, Sirius, was a guilt ridden mess… and he wouldn't even have Remus to comfort him about it. A walking catastrophe with nowhere to turn. "You always do this, Sirius."

The thought made him tremble.

He threw another stone into the lake, watched as it flew through the air and then plunged into the water - and he glared at the ripples circling outwards, feeling miserable and wretched and letting all that anger and guilt and shame and remorse boil away inside of him until it reached such a fever pitch that he could not contain it anymore. It burst out of him - another bellow of rage screwing his eyes up in fury. When he opened them, he stared at the lake for a moment and then stumbled backwards in surprise.

…

'He's an idiot, Moony - we all know it,' James said earnestly (though perhaps the seriousness of the conversation was somewhat hampered by the fact that he was, once again, chipping away at the mountain of chocolate with Madam Pomfrey's miniature chisel).

'And he's a very sorry idiot,' Peter added.

" So sorry he's not even here," the treacherous voice whispered.

'And here's the thing, mate' James frowned as, once again, Remus did not accept any chocolate from him, 'we - and he - totally get it if you're mad at him and you don't want to see him for a while. He'll give you space.' He looked at Remus's blank expression, and the way his arms were folded across his chest - as if he was protecting himself from something. 'And - er… well, we'll give you space too, if that's what you want,' James said, feeling more awkward than ever. 'We don't… don't want to annoy you… or anything.'

He glanced at Peter, helpless in the face of Remus's stony silence, but Peter only shrugged - not knowing at all what to say to make it better. Remus was the one who smoothed over arguments and made things better (usually between Peter and Sirius). With Remus so silent and reserved, Pete was not sure what they could do or say to make everything right.

"They can barely talk to you now James' has seen the truth of what you are," the treacherous voice told Remus. "They don't know what to say to an animal."

'I - er - look I'm sorry, Remus, I'm rubbish at this… I don't know what to say,' James said.

"See?"

'We're sorry about last night, we're sorry Snape knows, we're sorry you got hurt and we're sorry -' he broke off and looked up (the relief evident on his face) as screams of laughter, and cries of delight drifted in through the open window.

"And we're sorry, but we're not your friends any more," the treacherous voice finished off for him. " Look how happy he is to be distracted - he can't wait to get up from next to you and look out of the window. He doesn't even care what's happening - he just wants to get away."

And it was true that, by now, James had scraped back his chair and crossed to the window - peering out to see what all the disturbance was. 'Blimey!'

'WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME HAVE YOU DONE?' McGonagall's voice bellowed from beneath them. She was standing on the lawn, her face screwed up and her hat fallen off in her fury. 'THAT'S ANOTHER WEEK'S DETENTION!'

'What's going on?' Pete asked, also abandoning Remus and hurrying across to look at the fun.

'It's Sirius,' James said slowly, turning to look at his friends and blinking in disbelief. '...He's turned the lake to custard.'

…

'I - I didn't mean to do it,' Sirius said, backing away from McGonagall's incandescent wrath. Behind them, students were whooping with delight, taking their shoes and socks off, and then racing across the surface of the lake, shrieking as the viscous yellow splurged between their toes.

'We're walking on water!'

'We're running on custard! '

Hagrid had come out from his hut and was yelling at everyone to get off the lake. Professor Kettleburn came running up and - after a hurried conversation between the two of them - they rolled up their sleeves, knelt down at the water's edge and plunged their arms elbow deep into the custard, pulling up choking, yellow gunk encrusted grindylows and laying them to rest among the rushes.

'HOW DOES ONE TRANSFIGURE AN ENTIRE LAKE INTO CUSTARD BY ACCIDENT? ' Big Macca screamed.

'I do- don't know, Professor. I was angry and I closed my eyes and …'

'YOU ARE DANGEROUS, MR. BLACK!'

Sirius hung his head, 'I know.'

Professor McGonagall snorted with disgust, and turned away from him as she heard Professor Kettleburn say 'What about the merpeople? they'll be entombed in the creme anglaise…'

'Wait here,' she commanded Sirius, before striding across to where the two men were still desperately trying to haul grindylows to safety.

With a quick mutter of 'Sonorus' her voice suddenly boomed across the grounds (not that she really needed the help, her natural bellow was loud enough) 'I WILL BE TRANSFIGURING THE LAKE BACK TO WATER AFTER THE COUNT OF TEN. I SUGGEST ALL STUDENTS LEAVE THE SURFACE BY THEN IF THEY DO NOT WANT TO GET SERIOUSLY WET! ONE, TWO…'

There were shrieks of laughter and screams of panic as the students began to struggle their way across the custard back to the lake shore.

'NINE…'

There were more screams and pushing and shoving.

'TEN'

All students but Callum Brown (who plummeted below the surface, as the custard turned to water beneath his feet, and came back up again gasping and spluttering) reached the edge of the lake and gained the safety of firm ground. Struggling in his sopping wet robes, Callum struggled his way back using an awkward front crawl, until a large tentacle (covered in blobby yellow liquid) reached out and pushed him to safety. He lay on the bank, gasping for breath. 'She could have - could have waited one more … second,' he wheezed.

McGonagall ignored him, she had performed 'Quietus' and was now busy conjuring fresh water tanks to place the custard covered grindylows in after Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn were done resuscitating them. Then she flicked her wand again and cast a silvery net deep into the lake. 'I'm afraid the merpeople may need mouth to mouth and chest compressions,' she told her colleagues, 'their lungs will be clogged with custard,' and she created more tanks, larger ones this time, where the merpeople could recuperate while their aquatic home was cleansed of creme anglaise.

Then she returned to Sirius. 'This is the second very foolish thing you have done in the last twenty four hours,' she said. He hung his head in shame. 'I really don't know what will become of you, Black. Sometimes I worry…' She trailed off as running footsteps came up behind her, and James and Peter appeared, goggling at the tanks and the grindylows and the water reeds all covered in custard.

'As I said, another week's detention, Black - await my owl.' She turned and walked away.

James and Peter stared at him. 'What did you do?'

'I…' the look of shame suddenly became one of anger as he realised something. 'Why aren't you with Moony?'

…

For the rest of the day, the castle was filled with whispers and giggles about what a nutter that Sirius Black was and why he had done something so mental as turn an entire large body of water into a substance best used for pouring on sticky toffee pudding. 'Don't forget the time he tried to kill that girl over Quidditch,' Ellis Stebbins was heard saying to his friend. 'He's pretty unstable, it's possible he was trying to kill the giant squid.'

Even lurking in the Slytherin common room, Snape heard rumours of what had happened and noted, with a fury that made him tremble, that even this - another attempted murder on top of the one last night - was not enough to get that old fool Dumbledore to expel precious, pureblood, Gryffindor Black.

Up in the Hospital Wing, all alone, Remus had only the faintest notion of what was going on. He had heard what James had said, he was aware Sirius had done something else stupid and dangerous and was in trouble again. "He's barely finished almost making you a murderer and he's onto the next disaster," the treacherous voice said. "And the others couldn't get away from you quickly enough." For it was true that - having seen the ruckus out of the window - James and Peter had immediately run off to join in the fun.

Madam Pomfrey wanted to keep Remus in the Hospital Wing for an extra day, she said he needed more rest than usual and more time to heal - and part of Remus wanted to stay safe and hidden in the Infirmary, to not have to face the world, or Snape… or his friends. But the thought of his mounting homework, and how hard it would be to catch up if he allowed himself to fall behind even further, overrode that and he insisted that he be allowed to return to Gryffindor Tower.

Against Madam Pomfrey's better judgement, he got dressed and left - though his heart and feet both felt like lead as he dragged himself along to the common room. Every time he walked past a window, he would catch a glimpse of a freshwater tank and a custardy grindylow bobbing inside of it. Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn were still out there, clearing the lake. "More damage that Sirius has done," the voice hissed in his ear.

…

Sirius, himself, was sitting in front of the fire, in the common room, looking so alarmingly furious that, after the first few "good one, mate", "do it again sometime"s had been met with a thunderous glower and a growl, the rest of his housemates were giving him a wide berth.

James and Peter sat with him, of course, but they did not know what to say - and so they just got on quietly with their homework.

They all looked up as the portrait opened, and Remus came inside and - for a moment - Sirius seemed to perk up, looking hopeful. But then he saw the stony look on Remus's face and sank back into his gloom.

Not sure what to do - or what they would say if he approached them - Remus settled down in an armchair a short distance away from his friends and pretended to read.

Thinking he was indicating he wanted space, the three of them glanced at each other - and then got on with their work without saying anything.

"See, they're not inviting you to sit with them. They don't want a monster beside them."

In the end, it all proved too much for Sirius, and he got up, telling the others he was going to bed, and stamped his way up to the dorm. James and Peter followed him. Remus stayed where he was - thinking he should give them time to get changed and go to sleep before he should force his unwanted presence on them.

Up in the dorm, Sirius took out his wand to carry out the animagus incantation.

'Do you think we should?' Peter asked him.

'Yes - we're so close, we're not giving up now.'

'But after last night -'

'It was a hiccough, That's all. Everything will be fine. We just - we just need to keep doing this.'

'Maybe Remus will have changed his mind?' James said.

But Sirius shook his head, 'Then he can tell us that, but until he does - we keep on going. Go on, wands - both of you.' And he looked so fierce that they both picked up their wands and followed his lead in reciting: 'Amato Animo Animato Animagus.'

Once they were done, they got changed, climbed into bed and switched the light off. Peter and James, exhausted from the night before, fell asleep quickly… But Sirius lay there, in the dark, hearing once again the terrible howling of Moony, in a pain he had caused, and fretted.

Remus gave it half an hour before he went up, and the dorm was in darkness when he got there - with Pete and James snoring softly. "They're avoiding you." He was aware of the stillness coming from Sirius's bed, and knew Sirius well enough that he understood what that meant. "What is he thinking?" the voice asked. "What is it that's keeping him awake? Is it the thought of sleeping so close to a monster - so close to an almost murderer?"

He got changed in the dark, without disturbing the others, and then, like Sirius, lay there in the darkness, staring up at his canopy lost in his own bleak thoughts.

He remembered that moment when he had first seen Snape, that hunger - that realisation of everything the wolf had ever wanted. He remembered what it was like to want to kill … and then wondered where he would be right now, if the wolf had had its way. Azkaban, surely.

Even Dumbledore could not protect him from the repercussions if he had killed another student. And the Minister would be only too pleased to lock him up and throw away the key.

He was a killer now, or close enough. It was only due to the grace of James that he had not gone through with it… and had James not been so quick, he could have murdered two fellow students instead of only one last night. It was semantics that no one was dead. The wolf had wanted to kill Snape, had tried to … Remus could not hide from that, could not hide behind James' heroics and pretend none of it really mattered.

He was a killer. Sirius had made him so and did not even care. And it was only due to James that he was not now in prison where he belonged.

Only James had seen him now, he knew Remus should be locked up… and so he had lost his friends, as he had always known he one day would.

He heard mattress springs creak in the dark, and the sound of bare feet hitting the floor and then padding their way across. He held his breath - he knew those sounds…

There was a knock on his bedpost.

'Can I come in?' Sirius's voice was small - and terrified.

"Terrified of the monster."

'I - yes. I suppose you can.'

The curtains parted, and Sirius crawled inside and then sat on the end of bed, staring at Remus - looking apprehensive.

Remus stared back, not knowing what to say and then - to his horror and surprise - Sirius's face crumpled and he began to cry. 'I- I'm sorry.'

Remus just stared.

'I - I know I shouldn't be here. James says you want space, and you don't want to talk to us and - and I' - I'm be-being selfish coming to see you because I can't - I can't bear you hating me! Please don't hate me, Remus! I didn't mean it. I know I keep messing up. I know you're angry with me - you're right to be angry with me. I'm angry with me! Only please don't hate me. Ple -please don't stop being my friend.'

Remus swallowed. He stared down at his hands, which were curling and uncurling convulsively into fists down by his sheets. He wasn't even consciously aware of making them do that. 'Why did you do it?' he asked, after a long moment. His voice trembled as he spoke.

'I - I didn't… Snape twisted it and made it sound worse than it was. Honestly, Remus… He- he was being a prick and I gave him a smart answer and I gave it no more thought. I only told him how to get into the willow… I never thought for a moment that he'd - that he'd…'

'Go werewolf hunting?'

'I would never put you in danger.'

'You did put me in danger. And Snape. I could have killed him. I - I don't know where I'd be right now if I'd done that.'

'I wouldn't have let them do anything to you!' Sirius cried earnestly, tears still shining in his eyes.

But that only made Remus laugh, a dark and mirthless chuckle. 'You couldn't have prevented it. It would have gone way above you… I'm safe thanks to James, but now Snape knows…'

'If he does anything I'll kill him myself.'

'Anything more you mean? He's already done enough.'

'Remus - please - I'll make it up to you, I swear. Only please don't hate me. Anything but that. Please say you'll still be my friend.'

Remus kept staring at his hands, wondering if this was real; if Sirius really was so deeply anguished at the thought of losing his, Remus's, friendship - enough that it had driven him to tears, driven him to beg. "This is it, you know," the hateful, little voice told him. "He knows your secret and he still wants to be your friend - or so he says. You can't trust him - he'll betray you again and again - but there is no one else. Not for a monster like you. No one else would beg to be friends with a dark creature. No one else will ever hurt at the thought of losing you. You can have Sirius… or you can be all alone. It's your choice.'

He swallowed once again, forcing himself to ignore the sting of betrayal, and the shame of being seen as a monster, and the fear of what he might have done to Snape, and then he looked up into Sirius's eyes. 'Alright, Sirius,' he said at last. 'I forgive you.'