Chapter 3

Phillip and Torment

Phillip; I can't believe how this little person stole my heart. From the very first moment I saw him during the scan, I was besotted. I will do anything for him. I enjoy our time together, just the two of us, be it his middle of the night feeding, changing his nappy, or just holding him; I look into those eyes — my eyes — and melt, not quite believing I am his father. My parents, especially my father, would have called this 'spoiling the child' but I am not my father and Phillip will not grow up as I did. Phillip is the most important part of my life, along with Louisa and Joan; nothing is more important than my family.

Our special Ellingham men time in the evenings when Louisa is out for school or girls night, I implement my own way of playing with Phillip; in reality, I ensure my son is at a level of development for his age. I know a portion of Phillip's one-hundred billion brain cells are prewired at birth — mostly the ones connected to breathing, heartbeat, and other physiological survival functions — it is during the first five years of life that much of the essential wiring linked to learning is developed. These first five years will have an enormous impact on not only how well Phillip's brain develops, but how well he learns and grows throughout his lifetime. One-on-one contact is the best; Louisa, Poppy, Joan, and I interact with Phillip when he is awake; this is something Doctor Hayes said was missing in my early life. So I talk to Phillip, engaging him in everything I do with him; while changing his nappy, I explain why it smells the way it does or why changing it as often as we do will prevent diaper rash, and how the rash reacts to his largest organ, the skin. The Epidermis is part of the Integumentary System; this is the skin and skin derivatives, the hair, nails, glands, and receptors. The Integumentary system has many functions, including protecting the body's internal living tissues and organs and protects against invasion by infectious organisms. The skin protects against dehydration and abrupt changes in our body temperature. It acts as a receptor for touch, so you enjoy it when your mummy tickles your feet. Now that you know about the functions of the Integumentary System, let's see what we can do with this smelly nappy. If we left your stool on the skin too long, it can be very irritating because it contains bacteria and can cause small ulcers anywhere the stool bacteria is left in contact with your skin, especially for a prolonged period of time. The combination of urine and stool can produce ammonia. The urine your kidneys produce alone has no germs in it and usually won't irritate the skin but left too long can cause a mild chemical burn. Mummy and daddy apply nappy cream to your scrotum area to put a protective layer down which ensures your epidermis is protected, especially overnight. I find I am comfortable talking to Phillip this way, I won't talk to him like Louisa, Joan nor Poppy do, I can't talk rubbish.

Whenever possible I read to him including those silly nursery rhyme books; most nights after we do the silly books I read my BMJ, I feel it is better information for him. The night Louisa is out, we watch my medical videos; Phillip loves them. In my opinion, talking to Phillip, playing with him, and paying attention to what interests him is the best way to stimulate Phillip's young brain to grow and develop. Doctor Hayes said the experiences that have emotional content and human interaction are pleasurable and meaningful for Phillip; things I did not receive. I believe that the videos and my articles from my BMJ turn into an interactive experience that engages his imagination and curiosity; I see it when we watch the videos together, and he reaches out to the computer screen.

Sometimes I lay Phillip on his play mat in the lounge, on his stomach; he looks at the colorful objects sewn on the mat, and most times he is trying to suck on them, but as he has matured, he reaches for the objects and grasps for them. Right now his favorite is the keyring of large colored silicone keys because of his teething. Doctor Hayes said, in addition to playing an active role in Phillip's learning process, that simply loving and nurturing him will do wonders to turn up the wattage on his brainpower and development — I have insisted that Phillip is not plunked down in front of the telly for so-called educational shows. Louisa, always the teacher, makes silly faces, tickles Phillip's body, and slowly moves objects in front of his eyes for him to follow. Once again, those bright-colored toys work the best. She sings those simple silly songs and recites the silly nursery rhymes — which I hate — to me some sound very scary, like the 'Three Blind Mice and cutting off their tails', but Phillip seems to enjoy them. Again, this is where Louisa and I differ in her baby talk; just last weekend I explained to Phillip we were going to Wadebridge for new shoes for him. I told him we were going by car, the reason I buckled him into his seat, and why he needed new shoes. Louisa's way when we arrived near the baby shop was to talk silly nonsense in a silly voice about his feet growing and then tickling his feet. I know both ways are good for Phillip, but I am uncomfortable doing it her way.

Phillip is hugging his stuffed purple dinosaur more each day, and other times it looks like he will consume it, again his teething mechanism urging him to chew on everything to relieve the pain as his new teeth come through. Another way Louisa and I are different is when we read to Phillip the sound effects Louisa makes. I enjoy the curious sounds she uses to teach Phillip when she reads his books — the wind sounds so gentle and loving the way she blows out the sound. However, her pig oinks are the best, nothing like the squeal a real one makes and I should know, as I had the pleasure of meeting and hearing one while attempting to fix its prolapsed anus. 'The Three Little Piggy' nursery rhythm seems to be his favorite as Louis, Joan, and Poppy all seem to play that one with him; his laughter is contagious; I smile at his happiness.

What makes me smile the most is when my son recognizes the sound of my voice or when he sees me, he moves his arms and legs frantically and reaches for me to take him into my arms. I am very happy and show it with my awkward smile. Louisa says it shows when I'm happy.

My son is on track in his development and some ways ahead of schedule; he is currently pushing himself up and scooting or as Louisa calls it, crawling — not a word I would use. He bounces up and down and pushes himself forward, sometimes flat on his face, but he seems very determined to move across the playpen. I caught him the other day, grabbing the side of the playpen and pulling himself up onto his knees, bouncing up and down and giggling when he noticed me watching him. I tapped Louisa's shoulder and pointed to our son showing off his newest achievement. He is trying to verbalize his needs and wants; mostly vowel sounds, and occasionally the 'B', 'D' or 'M sounds; Louisa sheds tears when Phillip looks at her and 'Mmmm' at her. I can't wait to have a real conversation with Phillip where I am not the one doing all the talking. My parents didn't want to hear the questions I asked to understand the curious things happening around me; I was just too noisy, and they wanted me to leave them alone. I will always provide Phillip with answers to his questions and observances.

XxXxXx

The anguish of Danny Steele has contributed to the deficiency in my marriage. What is it about him that turns me into a jealous lunatic? He has a completely one-hundred and eighty degrees different personality from me. Moreover, what does Louisa see in us? She spends her time with me, even if we are so different.

When I saw him kiss my wife, my despair overwhelmed me; I can't explain which feeling was more overpowering than the other. Jealous, that green-eyed monster wanted to take him out; I mean punch his lights out. It must be my insecurity, my deep-seated fear that I am unloved. I love Louisa with my heart and soul, but does she reciprocate my love? I start to question it every minute now that I know Danny is here, in the village, living in his mum's house. The ultimate hurt, Louisa did not trust me enough to tell me what Danny was up to with her. She let Danny believe they could be together or is it his imagination?

We were finding comfort in one another instead of isolation, at least for me. We worked together instead of apart on our own paths. Taking big steps for each other, relying on and supporting the other every day; isn't that what we promised each other the day we married.

The vital conversation never started that evening, I withdrew to my safe place inside my head and physically in my study. I need Doctor Hayes's advice is my first thought; on Saturday morning I called him explaining the necessity of seeing him and gratefully he is available early on Monday; he has helped me with my career and my misunderstanding of Louisa before. Consequently, we sat down face to face for the first time in months in his office; it took me some time to relay all the happenings these last months involving my marriage.

I sat in a chair across from him, looking up at the pictures on his wall to the right of his desk as I started...

"I discovered through the village grapevine that Danny Steele is back. Danny was Louisa's boyfriend throughout her life in the village. They went to London together for university. She returned to teaching at the Primary school, and he stayed in London as an architect."

I nervously reposition myself in my chair and continue. "Almost a year into my life in Portwenn as GP, Danny returned to see his mum. He stormed into my surgery one morning insinuating I was unable to do my job properly for his mum. He wanted to move her to Hightrees, an elder care facility instead of living on her own. My Aunt Joan called me that morning to visit Mrs. Steele for an injured ankle explaining that Danny thought his mum was dementing and she requested I check her over as I was about to leave. I did the usual test and did not find any problems with her mental state. Danny and I did not hit it off as Louisa would say that morning. Later that same week, Mrs. Steele was found confused walking out to sea to buy a battery. Danny immediately placed a call to Hightrees for her admission. The next morning I visited Mrs. Steele examined her swollen ankle and discovered that she was dehydrated resulting in her dementing state. It seems she would hide the medication the aid gave her for her ankle in the planter on the bedside table and not drink the water provided. My aunt explained she would make her cups of tea most mornings while they visited, but in the afternoon to evening, Mrs. Steele said she didn't drink any liquid as she feared wetting the bed; she thought it would send her into care. Once I figured out the complete medical problem she recovered but chose to stay at Hightrees for the companionship of the male population. Danny and Louisa rekindled their relationship with rumor having it they were to be married. They were fixing up his mum's home for themselves. One day, Louisa called me out to the house as Danny, the idiot, had a medical emergency; he was stripping the wood floors with a commercial floor sander but not using a mask and ended up collapsing a lung from the dusty wood particles. After his recuperation, he received a phone call from London that put a damper on their wedding. He made Louisa believe they would live in the village, where she is Head Teacher but this job in London was more important and he wanted them to marry and live in London. Notwithstanding Louisa broke off the relationship and sent Danny packing back to London."

"Is this the Danny, you told me about last year? The same Danny, Louisa did not choose?"

I nod my head in the affirmative. I pause for a moment, look at him, and remember we did talk about Danny many months ago. Feeling unsettled once more, I walk over to the table, holding glasses and a pitcher of water I pour water into a glass and sip from it. After regaining my composure, I sit down again to continue the story. "Louisa hasn't heard from him for a couple of years now but they could have seen each other in London when Louisa left after our non-wedding, she never said. A few weeks ago, I saw him one morning coming out of the chemist, I thought he was visiting his mum and he would be returning to London."

I take another short break to sip more water. "I have just discovered he returned permanently to the village in early December, nearly three months ago; I don't normally listen to the gossip that runs rabid in the village. From what I understand Danny started meeting up with Louisa when she met up with friends at the pub, for her girl's night. Then Friday morning last, I started surgery late, Poppy our nanny had to take her mum to Truro for a specialty appointment, I kept Phillip that morning, opening surgery after lunch. He and I walked down to the chemist to pick up my surgery supply before the start of surgery. As we came down the hill, rounding the road near the surgery I saw Louisa standing near the Platt, looking out to sea. The very next moment Danny came up behind her, wrapped her into his arms, and nuzzled her neck. She turned around towards him and he hugged her again then kissed her; romantically kissed her. She didn't push him off."

….I needed to stop my ramble; my voice caught with emotion, tears welled up in my eyes. I looked up for the first time to see Doctor Hayes watching me, intense interest in me; immediately I stood and walked over to the office window, I needed time to control myself, my emotions. Once under control, I continued…

"Later that day in the surgery, the village gossip started up as someone witnessed the same scene as I, and everyone needed to provide their thoughts about my marriage. Every patient needed to say something from; 'They were happy for Danny and Louisa; to Doc don't worry it just a phase Louisa is going through'. Not one villager blamed him for… for his intrusion into my marriage!"

My hands are shaking and I am embarrassed with my emotional outburst; I place my head in my hands hoping to control them. I hear Doctor Hayes through the fog, "Martin calm down, slow your breathing and concentrate on that. Let's take a moment and relax."

Slowing my breathing, I can feel my pounding heart ease as I relax. Once I am in control, I continue… "My aunt heard the gossip and called the surgery to invite me to the farm to talk. I agreed to go to her farm at the end of the surgery hours to talk to her. Ordinarily, I wouldn't discuss my personal life with anyone including my aunt, but I needed to hear what she knew. She told me to talk to Louisa, not to let what the village said to sway the truth. I sat in her kitchen and didn't tell her I saw the whole act myself down on the Platt. I saw him kiss her, she didn't refuse his advances. They were seeing each other for months and everyone in that blasted village knew it."

I spoke for over an hour, Doctor Hayes sat there, listened, never interrupting. Finally, he asked the question I have asked myself,

"Did you talk to Louisa?"

"No," I answer.

"Martin, why not," he asked.

"The day I first saw him, I tried to talk to her. My mind flashed images of them meeting, doing things together; I planned to mention seeing him but the disturbing thoughts and feelings all day made it impossible; I couldn't discuss it with her. She tried one evening; I was in my study, hiding and she came in and wanted to talk. She wanted to know what was wrong, but I couldn't discuss my jealousy, my insecurities. The nightmares started that night; I woke up in a cold sweat, remembering Mrs. Clark, my mother locking me in the cupboard, all of them. My haemophobia returned shortly after."

Doctor Hayes writes in his notebook for a moment and then looks up at me to proceed with my tale. "The same day the rumors flew through the village, I walked home, as usual, thinking about my insecurities around my relationship with Louisa, the village statements to my face; the fact that they don't understand what Louisa sees in me. Every day, I wake surprised she is lying next to me and I am grateful she is. I replayed the scene; I have never felt more inept, incompetent, a bumbling idiot than I did at that moment. They embraced, he kissed her and she smiled that wonderful smile, the same one she awards me when I initiate romantic overtures and I just watched. I was a statue, I didn't yell out telling him that Louisa is my wife. I couldn't get my legs moving down the hill to confront him. All I did was turn away and walked into the surgery to hide."

I stop again, pulling the handkerchief from my rear pocket and wipe my eyes. This pause allows Doctor Hayes to ask another question,

"Why didn't you ask her about the rumors, or what you witnessed that morning?"

I hear his question but my mind wanders back to a night; it is late February, 'I am working late in my consulting room finishing patient notes. Looking up at the mantel clock as it strikes the half-hour, I realize I am late, Louisa was expecting me home an hour ago. I take the completed notes and place them in the drawer for Morweena to file in the morning. I make one final look around ensuring the surgery is ready for the morning, lock the front door and go back to my consulting room to gather my medical bag and turn off the light. It is dark outside and blustery as I exit out the back door, the walk up the street on this cold evening helps clear my mind, as I get closer to sanctuary; my home with my family. Louisa is pulling the fish from the cooker when I walk into the house through the garden door. Phillip is happily playing in his playpen with some toys but turns and shrieks out "Daaa" when he sees me. My smile broadens as I see my son, who seems to love seeing me. I kiss Louisa on her cheek and go to pick up my son; together we take my medical bag to my study. Louisa is placing our plates on the table when we return, I place Phillip in his chair and put on his bib, and hand him a spoon that he will try to use to scoop food from the bowl as I feed him. Beneath the détente, Louisa and I remain wary of each other; we are together, but for the strained relations. After I clean the dishes, Louisa baths Phillip; I take Phillip into the nursery to dress him and then read a story, while Louisa cleans the mess left from Phillip playing during his bath. Usually by the time I have read the book Louisa is coming in to sing to Phillip while he feeds on his last bottle of the evening. I kiss my son goodnight and head for my study; most nights I write in my journal until I hear Louisa come downstairs. Normally we sit together in the lounge; she finishes her marking or watches the telly while I read my BMJ. Lately, passion is non-existent mostly on my part; I make sure I kiss her every night but she doesn't seem to want anything more; so tonight ends like most nights since that day I saw Danny.'

Doctor Hayes interrupts my thoughts and again asks his question. "Why didn't you ask Louisa?"

"Louisa was very quiet that evening. To be frank, I was scared of what her answer would be. I entered the front door, removed my coat, the house was quiet not the usual noises of laughter or song. As I usually do, I went into my study first to put my medical bag away, and then to the kitchen; Louisa was cooking dinner. She turned to face me and I could tell there was a problem; I walked over to Phillip's playpen and picked him up. I went through my usual greeting with him and he responded in his way of placing his forehead against mine while holding onto my ears. I felt comfortable with Phillip in my arms, turned to Louisa, leaned in, and kissed her cheek. I tried to act naturally. We had a quiet dinner, Phillip entertaining us as usual, Louisa just watched me, waiting for me to ask; I couldn't. I now understand what Louisa meant when I am quiet; it is unsettling. I felt confused. I know she heard the same gossip, what was she waiting for. I finished clearing the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher, and just starting the water for tea when she announced she had a hard day and would take Phillip up for his nighttime routine. I stood there stunned, these were the first words she initiated towards me since I came in the door and I thought we would sit down over a cup of tea and discuss it. I cleared the tea-things and went into my study; standing in front of the window getting my thoughts together. After locking the doors and turning off the downstairs lights, I followed her up; she and Phillip are in the nursery reading with him feeding on his last bottle for the night. I stood in the doorway listening, feeling left out of the family circle. I went into the en-suite preparing for bed. As I turned the light out and entered our bedroom, I saw Louisa in bed under the covers. I go to Phillip's room to wish him goodnight and returned to our room slightly confused. I did not understand what I did wrong for her to be reacting to me like this. I didn't do anything wrong. I am the one that should be upset; maybe this is the end of my marriage. I recall our conversation, 'Louisa, I'm… have I done something to upset you?' In my prior experiences when Louisa doesn't talk to me, I am at fault for something. We are lying in bed together, but worlds apart. She finally responds to my question, 'No, everything is fine. Just tired; school and Phillip are keeping me busy.' Then she rolls onto her side away from me. She is unreactive to me now and as usual, I allow this moment to pass; I am afraid of angry words. As I lay on my back, my mind won't settle, so I roll towards Louisa and place my hand on her shoulder, "Louisa". No reaction, so I say her name again, "Louisa". Her response is almost a whisper; 'Martin, please stop, I'm tired and trying to sleep.' She shrugs my hand from her shoulder".

I recall how I felt confused and frustrated. I rolled onto my back and my frustration takes seed, I throw back the covers, grab hold of my dressing gown as I leave our bedroom. Downstairs again in my study, I pace the floor, stopping in front of the window, unseeing the beautiful winter moon, my emotions churning as roughly as the sea illuminated by this same moon. It is quite late when I finally return to our bedroom; calmer but still confused and without any answers to my unasked questions.

I explain to Doctor Hayes, Louisa's abandonment issues resulting from her childhood. He looks at me as if to say, 'REALLY'. "I continue to believe Louisa felt I abandoned her on our non-wedding day; I was the one sitting on the sofa instead of standing at the church waiting for her. I said she wouldn't make me happy; isn't that abandoning her. Technically, I abandoned her at the altar. I lay in our bed next to her on my side observing the beautiful woman, her disheveled hair spread across her pillow, no makeup so I can see the speckle of freckles on her nose; she has a young girly look which reminded me of my first glimpse of her on the plane. All I wanted to do is make mad passionate love to her, but I couldn't at that moment even if she wanted me to because all I could see in my mind is Danny hugging and kissing her."

I stop my rambling story and turn to look at Doctor Hayes, stating, "Louisa and I are in an imbroglio state right now. I am afraid to ask how she feels about Danny and she hasn't owned up to any problem."

"I believe it is time for you and Louisa to sit down and discuss this problem. How long since you saw the incident?"

"It happened last Friday morning."

"The two of you have not spoken all this time?"

"No, nothing personal, just enough to get through the day, I spent most of the weekend in my study writing in my journal; trying to understand where I went wrong. I would talk to Phillip every chance I got, thinking that if I explain the problem to him, I might comprehend what I did to push her into Danny's arms."

Stunned by my confession, Doctor Hayes asks, "Martin, do you believe you are the one at fault here?"

"Of course, I am sometimes emotionally distant from Louisa. Some situations come up and I am unable to comprehend what I should do."

"Can you give me an example?"

I don't force my urges on Louisa and she gets upset with me by saying, 'why am I always the one to initiate physical contact, Martin?' "

"We argue when the village does not listen to the recommended medical treatments I prescribe. I don't understand why they would rather use some old woman's recipe over my sound medical advice. I get angry, yell, and the village bans together with their story of how horrible I am to the idiot. Louisa hears all about it and gets upset with how I handled the incident. She never wants to hear my side and assumes my lack of bedside manner and rudeness is the cause. I can't comprehend why she would believe the village, knowing none of them to have a medical degree. The latest example is from last week, a patient comes in for her monthly check on her diabetes; her blood sugars were over 300 with medication. She stated she was thirsty, but her mouth was dry and her breath smelled fruity. The skin was dry; I requested a urine sample but had already diagnosed her, diabetic ketoacidosis. I asked for her food log to see where I could track her problem. She wasn't following the diet recommended and consumed far too many unadvised foods. I called her an idiot and provided her treatment while we waited for the ambulance to take her to the hospital. I asked her if she wanted me to call an ambulance the next time she felt unwell or the undertaker. She left in a huff when the ambulance crew loaded her in. I yelled at her as the doors closed, if she didn't stay on the diet prescribed the latter would be a certainty. My patient is the mother to one of Louisa's teachers; during Louisa's pub night out with friends that evening, a discussion on why Louisa married me came up. During the conversation, the daughter of the patient told Louisa, I was rude and told her mother I would not treat her but would call the undertaker. Louisa said she tried to explain that her mother misunderstood me. She did not defend me any further and when she returned home, she said I disappointed her by my response to the patient. She did not ask my side so I could explain; but then I can't explain medical issues my patients have with my wife due to their medical confidentiality. I live in a no-win village and that includes my wife. Tell me what am I to do?"

"Martin, we all have that problem one way or another. People don't want to believe they are sick and want to do like everyone else. An alcoholic will always be an alcoholic if his friends are always drinking around them. You know I can go on with more examples, but I don't see what you did wrong. You told the patient to abide by the diet or she could die, not sure I like the way you said it, but from experience each patient is different and different methods require them to understand the seriousness of their medical issue."

Doctor Hayes shifts his notebook to the side after jotting a few notes. He looks up at me, "Let's get back to your current problem. Do you think Louisa is deliberately trying to deceive you? Or is she afraid to bring it up because she doesn't want to hurt you?"

"I don't know."

"Louisa heard the same rumors you heard, more than likely directly from some of the same villagers. Could she be waiting for you to ask for her side of the incident?"

I don't say a word, I don't have an answer. I never thought of it that way. What have I just accused Louisa of doing to me; not asking for her side, starts my mind racing.

"Is Louisa a deceitful person?"

Shaking my head, "NO, absolutely NOT."

"Martin, now that I have you thinking outside your box, maybe it is time to talk to Louisa. Go home, walk up to her; wrap your arms around her, and ask for her side of the story. Maybe it isn't as black and white as you think. You said yourself, the village lives on gossip; have you ever played the game where I whisper something in your ear and you turn and whisper the exact thing in the next person's ear and it continues for several people until the last person whispers to the person who started it. What finally comes back is nothing like what we started with; gossip works the same way. Go home Martin and get the truth directly from the 'horse's mouth' – you do know that expression, don't you."

"No, I don't know that expression, but assume it means to hear it from Louisa directly. But I witnessed the incident on the Platt."

"You said you were near your surgery, up the hill from the Platt and they were down near the water's edge of the Platt. How far would you say that is? Could you hear their conversation as they greeted each other? Are you sure Louisa gave her 'special' smile to him or her usual friendly smile? Did she kiss him back or was it he that initiated the kiss and Louisa accepted it. You did say they have a past, so they are friendly with each other."

I sat there staring at my hands listening to Doctor Hayes, everything he said makes sense, now. Maybe I misread the embrace and kiss, letting my jealously of Danny portray the wrong picture.

'Good I have him thinking', Doctor Hayes says to himself.

"Martin, have you talked to Danny?"

The scowl comes quickly to my facial expression. "No. I did go out on a medical call Saturday afternoon outside the village, when I finished, I drove out to his mum's old house with my intention to talk but his car wasn't there, so I assumed he was out. I rushed back home instead."

"Why did you rush home, Martin? Did you want to check Phillip or make sure Louisa was home and not with him? Martin until you talk with Louisa, this is going to drive you nuts."

"I feel like an idiot. I have not handled this well and ignored the important piece of advice you gave me in the past; communication. Doctor Hayes, I need to get home to my wife and son. Thank you for your help… to see past my jealously… and my mistake of not talking to Louisa immediately, letting this fester into our marriage."

"Just glad I can help. Remember Martin, it takes two for a misunderstanding to happen. Call me tomorrow. Goodbye, have a safe trip home. Remember to relax, ease your mind to control your thoughts and everything should work out."

The drive home was excruciatingly long. I thought through everything, the said and unsaid of the past few months; recalling the challenging questions Doctor Hayes asked, working on the answers to understand. Upon my arrival, I am happy to see Louisa's vehicle and not Danny's, I rush into the house. The quietness hits me like a ton of bricks; I call out, "Louisa".

"In here," she replies.

I walk towards the sound of her voice down the hallway to the back of our home to find her standing near the kitchen table pouring water from the kettle into the teapot.

I look over to the empty playpen. "Humm… where is Phillip?"

"I asked Poppy to take him to Joan's for the night," she says, searching my eyes for a reaction.

"Humm… good… then we won't be interrupted." As I say this, I pull my mobile out of my pocket and place it on the kitchen table.

"Yes, I thought it was time we sat down and talked," she announced.

"Good, but first…" I work up my nerve to follow Doctor Hayes's advice. I reach out, engulfing Louisa with a hug. I wait for her reaction; will she recoil or hug me in return? At this moment, unbeknownst to me, I hold my breath, waiting for the proverbial axe to fall. "Louisa, I Love You" I mumble near her ear.

"I love you too, Martin," she responds and tightens her hug around my waist.

I place a hand on her chin, lifting her face upwards, and kiss her. A kiss filled with love, longing, and forgiveness. This moment, here in our home, I shut out the 'nasty gossip', the 'jealousy'; feeling the need to love my wife with lust-filled kisses. My body wants me to take her upstairs and make passionate love to her, but my mind says we need to talk. I slowly pull away from her; take her hand, lead her to the lounge.

"Our tea," she says.

"Later, we need to talk."

End of chapter

The medical information in this chapter was found through websites like WebMD. I have no medical knowledge and not a doctor.

Please take the time to review the story. It is nice to know I am going in the right direction with the story. I would like to thank you for reading the stories from the many writers in our Doc Martin world.