Chapter 21
Where are you going, where do you go?
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?
Well, if along the way you are growing weary,
You can rest with me until a brighter day
And you're okay
I am no Superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that's for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know, where you go is where I wanna be
'Where Are You Going?' by the Dave Matthews Band
Tu me fallunt
The following Sunday per their arrangement Tracy and Cathy meet with Louisa at our home. Cathy spoke earlier in the week with me to get my size before my pregnancy and the styles I preferred. When they arrived Martin was occupied with putting Phillip's shoes on for our walk into the village.
"Come in," saying as I open the door, "Oh I like some of those dress colors," noticing on a clothes rack pulled in by Cathy.
Martin is coming down the stairs carrying Phillip and hears the women mumbling about colors, styles, and accessories. Phillip is watching his mother's interaction with new people, turning to look over his daddy's shoulder as they walk towards Louisa's room.
"Louisa," Martin calls, "Before you get involved I want to let you know Phillip and I are leaving to do our shopping."
"Don't leave yet," I yell, "I want to say goodbye to my Ellingham men." She scurries to meet us near the front door and notices the newest purchase. "What is that?" she asks.
"I found it on the internet. Phillip is outgrowing his pram, so I thought a backpack-style carrier would work to take him with us into the village. The manufacturer boasted 'we can climb Mount Everest with our baby' – nonsense, who in their right mind would go mountain climbing with a toddler. The sale point with me is the durable construction and simple color, grey. Today, I'll see how easy it will be on our outings into the village shops."
"You two have an enjoyable morning. I'll see you later," Louisa says as we each receive a kiss on our cheeks. If he hadn't noticed the audience watching from down the hallway, I am sure he would have pressed for a more imitate kiss. Mumbling under his breath and doing his bashful little earlobe tug, he announces to Phillip that it is time to go and let his mother return to her friends.
As I close the front door behind my men, I return to my guests.
Upon entering the room once more, Louisa notices Tracy holding up the beautiful turquoise gown with a high empire waist, "I would buy this gown if I was pregnant again," Tracy bursts out. "Chris would have a cow if I turned up pregnant for the fourth time at our age." She giggles, which makes us all laugh.
"Oh, I like that one," I say pointing to the scarlet red gown with off the shoulder sleeves."
"Then we start with that one," states Cathy.
I step out from behind the decorative screen, looking at the faces of my two companions; I see the shock on Tracy's face. "Louisa, you look beautiful. That dress is perfect; Martin will love it."
I stand in front of the full-length mirror Martin brought down this morning from our bedroom, turning this way and back again, loving the way the dress sways on me.
"I really like this dress, it shows my small baby bump now but how will it look at the end of next month when I bigger? I'll look like a fat tomato," I state my new insecurities I am having as the bump grows.
"Louisa the ribbon tie in the back adjusts allowing you to decide how the dress looks on you," Cathy states and she shows me how I can adjust the look several ways.
"Louisa haven't you noticed how Martin looks at you?" asks Tracy, "He will never think you are fat, he's a doctor and knows the difference. I shouldn't tell you this but he told Chris about your baby bump and how proud he felt and that you care enough for him to carry his babies."
Tears roll down Louisa's cheeks, Cathy quickly grabs a tissue from the box and hands it to her.
"I'll take this dress and I can wear my pearl white wedge heel shoes. Martin will approve of my sensible footwear," she says with a giggle, looking again in the mirror and liking the look.
The comment made by Tracy brought more tears to her eyes. The memory from last year as Martin spoke of the decent Edith did so many years ago. That confession and many since have brought the two closer together.
ME/LE
I grumble my goodbye to Louisa and remind Tracy that she needs rest for tonight. I turn to Louisa, placing my hand on the belly that has grown over the past month. She takes my hand moving it onto the left side, this one is kicking here, and then slides my hand higher up to the right, and this one is pushing here at the moment. I love to feel their movement, how Louisa is able to relax and sleep with two active fetuses is beyond me. I lean in and kiss her cheek as I noticed the woman watching us and whisper "I love you". I would rather not go to this conference but my boss needs me. I step back from my wife, "remember to rest and I'll be back as soon as I can with or without Chris," I say as I hear him walk into the room.
"What do you mean 'without me'," he asks with confusion on his face.
"Martin is worried about leaving Louisa today. He will remember I was pregnant three times and survived without overdoing it," she says teasingly towards Martin. "I promise Louisa will eat a good healthy lunch and rest until it is time to dress. Now go you two or you'll be late." Tracy kisses her husband and then places her hand on my arm, "Martin, I'll take good care of her. I promise."
Chris and I drive to the conference in my car. "I don't know why I let you talk me into going to this..."
"Mart, you are on the front line, you can explain why they can't' cut funds for GP's, ambulance services to include the air ambulance. Explain how they are needed from your emergencies out on the moors. Use that farmer's accident for example for the need. I can provide the money numbers to back you."
There is silence in the car for a few minutes, finally, Chris breaks it. "Mart, do you know exactly why John Rasmussen is here in Truro?"
"No, not really. At Dad's service, he stopped by and mentioned he was coming to the conference and hoped to see me. I said I wasn't attending but he said he wished to talk to me and would contact me when he was finished to talk privately. I told him to call the surgery to arrange a time convenient for him.
"Rumor has it, he wants to talk to you about returning to surgery at Imperial," Chris states looking over at me.
"I… I don't understand…" I am at a loss for words as thoughts flood me.
"He heard about the emergency surgery you performed in your surgery the day before your wedding and started asking questions."
"How did he hear of that? It was just a quick sew-up to stop the man from bleeding to death, as you know the real work was performed at your hospital by your surgeons."
"Just telling you what I've heard. I won't say anymore, I'll let him talk to you."
After a long day of urging NHS paper pushers and their medical representatives of our needs without any satisfactory answers the conference adjourns. Chris and I return to his house to change for dinner. I see Tracy and Louisa sitting in the lounge talking as we walk in. Louisa is wearing a beautiful red dress. I have always loved seeing her wear red. It is my favorite color to cover her pale skin and cause her emerald green eyes to resemble the glowing evening sun settling into the sea of green. My throat goes dry with the vision of my wife and brought out of my trance feeling Chris nudge my arm.
"Mart, we need to change if we are to arrive on time for the dinner," he says.
I ignore his suggestion and walk over to my wife, "Hello Mrs. Ellingham," I say as I lean down and kiss her cheek. Pulling away from her, I examine her closely. She looks rested and I am satisfied she didn't overdue today.
"Hello husband," she replies, "Go change so I can meet your colleagues."
"I won't be long," I reply and leave to shower and dress.
Tracy looks over to the sight of a happy Martin Ellingham, "I told you he wouldn't think the dress made you look fat. His eyes spokes volumes, I can only wish my husband would look at me like that once in a while."
Both women giggle as they watch their husbands departing.
I have always hated these types of functions and evaded them many times during my days in London as I don't see the need for us to spend our few hours away from the hospital to stand around talking about medicine and drink excessively. I for one could think of other things to do. The dinner is usually undercooked, over-salted, or bland tasting. Louisa will more than likely suffer water retention from the meal. I busy myself with my shower, shave and dress, reentering the lounge fifteen minutes later occupied only by our wives. We waited another ten minutes until Chris joined us tying his tie as he enters the room. He is surprised by the sight of me, relaxing next to Louisa dressed and ready to leave, and his wife looking at her watch.
"Mart, how do you do it? We just went up and here you are completely dressed and waiting."
"Years of surgery, dressing and undressing in my suit and scrubs all day long," I say as I stand and offer my hand to my wife to help her to stand. "I assume you can finish adjusting your tie without my help," I say giving him a questioning look.
Twenty minutes later I pull into the carpark of the hotel, "Louisa, I'll drop you at the door and park so you don't walk too far, since tonight will be stressful on your body."
She agrees, and I pull up and get out opening her door, helping her out of the car. "You wait for me inside; I'll just be a few moments." I push the door open so she can enter the hotel lobby and quickly leave to park the car, not wanting to leave her alone too long. Upon my return I notice John talking to Louisa. I rush up to them carrying Louisa's cushion and hear John's comment about my mother. 'I don't understand that woman. It was like, she has lived on the moon since she sent Martin away to boarding school. She knew nothing of his success in medical school or his career as a surgeon. Martin is one of a kind, and medicine has lost a great deal when he left surgery.'
I clear my throat, "John, I see you found my wife." I am uncomfortable with his last statement about me to Louisa.
"I noticed her when I walked in. In London, we didn't talk much at your father's service so I thought I'd get to know the woman you married. And congratulations, I see are in order, when is the baby due?" he asks.
"I am actually carrying twins with a due date in early December," Louisa states.
"I understood from the aunts that you were injured along with your father-in-law. I hope your injuries were not severe."
"No, I just injured my lower back when the lift lost power and slammed both of us off our feet with the sudden stoppage."
John turns towards me, "Martin I mentioned I wanted to talk to you when I last saw you, we haven't had much time to discuss anything personal today. Can we talk on Monday before I fly back to London?"
"Why not come to our home in Portwenn for dinner tomorrow evening," suggests Louisa.
I look over to my wife, noticing the look, and "Yes, come for dinner and we can talk privately. My aunt will be there, you met her at the service."
John looks at each of us and agrees, "It will be my pleasure."
After dinner, Tracy and Louisa go to the toilet together. Martin watches Louisa closely diagnosing his wife for pain or tiredness. Chris leans over, "Why do women go to the loo in groups?"
I respond without taking my off Louisa, "It doesn't matter tonight. I am grateful Tracy is keeping an eye on her."
Tracy and Louisa enter the room, Louisa makes her way to the closet stall door, it seems I was just in here five minutes ago.' There is a group of young women standing at the mirror talking as Tracy and Louisa enter. Louisa took no notice, her mind preoccupied with her current urge, Tracy did notice the women. She was introduced to them this evening by her husband as a new surgical resident at the hospital. Normally she never bothered with the staff, but there was one that made her thankful her husband was in Administration and not in the surgical wing. Tracy had watched her since the introductions and didn't like what she saw. This one liked the attention from the male colleagues, especially the older doctors. She seemed attracted to any of the mature higher-ranked specialists in the room. The women noticed their conversation attracted the attention of the older woman and stopped conversing with all but one getting up to leave. Tracy tried to remember her name and finally, it comes to her, Leif Craves.
"How are you tonight Mrs. Parsons?" she asks.
"It is a very enjoyable night and you?"
"It has been very exciting with plenty of important introductions."
Just as Tracy thought, another self-important parasite female resident to cause problems, and she reminds me of someone. Tracy continues her reflection on the woman as she can see the interest she will receive from the average male. The curvy body with more than average breasts, with an amusing personality, and an intelligent conversationalist to go with the physical attributes. This is everything that would make an older married surgeon's wife angry, if their spouse worked with her day in and day out at the hospital.
"See you around Mrs. Parsons," she says as she finishes touching up her makeup and turns to leave. Tracy watches her as she leaves and suddenly remembers who she reminds her of from her early days dating Chris. It is Edith Montgomery, but with a better body. The sound of the flushing toilet reminds her where she is as Louisa opens the stall door and walks to the sink.
"Who were you talking to? She sounded like one of the young doctors I was introduced to by John Rasmussen," Louisa asks.
"Yes, you are correct, young Doctor Craves," Tracy absent-mindedly says as she remembers the times she, Chris, Martin, and Edith spent time together. Martin and Edith were alike in many ways, but it was Edith's conceited attitude towards everyone and domineering hold she had over Martin that made Tracy dislike her, and she could see the same in this woman.
"I've been watching her most of the evening, how the men in that room are attracted to her sensuality, as she publicly spews it at them in front of the wives'," Louisa sarcastically says.
"I noticed the men fawning over her before dinner, even Doctor Cunningham couldn't keep his eyes and hands off her, even with his wife standing right there. I believe there will be trouble for our head of surgery when he gets home tonight."
"Yes, she does like to flirt, doesn't she?" Louisa is feeling uncomfortable with the increasing size of her baby bump and starts nibbling on her lower lip.
"Louisa, don't worry about Martin looking at anyone but you tonight. His eyes have not strayed towards her, he has watched you all night, even when you are across the room talking with others. That man only has eyes for you."
"He's only watching me making sure I don't overdue myself tonight," she says as they walk out the door. As they enter the banquet room Louisa looks for her tall husband, she finally locates him on the far side of the room with several other doctors, including Chris and John.
Tracy pauses as she notices their husbands in a group talking when she realizes the only female among the group standing very close to Martin. Tracy reaches out to Louisa taking her arm and whispers, "Look who is with our husbands."
Louisa looks at the group again and sees who Tracy is speaking of. They watch as this woman vexes the men with her answers to their questions while inserting a grating laugh. Then she watches as she sensually touches her Martin, as she has done many times herself to entice him upstairs to their bedroom. She watches as her husband looks down at this woman and reaches over and removes her hand from his back with his face exhibiting displeasure. Louisa smiles realizing Tracy is right again, she is letting her insecurities rule her head. At that moment his eyes meet hers and she responds by smiling and walking towards him, as she came up to him, taking his hand and looking up at his face. She can see in his eyes a smiling relief of her rescue from the unwanted intrusion of his space by that woman.
"Doctors, if you don't mind, I need my husband to dance with me," I say with my eyes stopping at Doctor Craves.
I turn towards the dance floor as I excuse myself from the group. Louisa and I dance two slow romantic dances before the music changes to a Latin style, the type I don't dance to in public. Louisa introduced it one evening dancing not long after we married but I love holding her in my arms, this moment brings a smile to my face as I remember how those nights usually ended for us. "Louisa thank you for your help back there," I whisper to her.
She looks up at me, smiling "I noticed the vixen trying her feminine ways on you and could see you weren't comfortable among your peers with her attention. I'm just happy you wanted me to touch you."
"I only want you touching me. I love you, Louisa. Can we go home now," I ask?
"Yes, husband. I am beginning to tire. Thank you for the night out. I had a pleasant evening with our friends but all I want now is a quiet evening in our bed in your arms."
By the time we reach Portwenn, Louisa is asleep and I am happy to have her home safe with me. The incident with Doctor Craves weighs heavily on my mind while I drove us home. Louisa's words cross my mind, 'You are oblivious to anyone making wanton advances towards you. It took me forever to get you to realize I wanted to spend time with you'. I have learned a few things this past year and saw that Doctor Craves was flirting and just not with me. It was something else that made me wary of her, she reminded me of Edith from our medical school days. She was just as shrewd as Doctor Craves. For a moment I thought Louisa would be angry with me for allowing such advances but as we talked in the car on the ride home I discovered Louisa had figured the young doctor out. She called the doctor 'a sylph in a room full of men hoping to be an object of her attention. She explained it was a Cornish tale'. When I removed her wandering hand and gave her a look of disgust, Louisa understood that the woman's advances were unwanted. As I told Louisa tonight and several times in the past, I only have eyes for her.
ME/LE
Louisa was serious in her statement that she wanted my arms wrapped around her in bed. Once we checked on Phillip and finished getting ready for bed, Louisa nearly dragged my arms around her as I slid into bed. We discussed the menu for the following evening as I gave her back a good massage, and as usual, when I finished Louisa was sound asleep. Lastly, I placed my hand spanned across trying to sense where my children lay which didn't take long. As if my hand was a magnet to them, I felt the pressure and movement of their limbs as if they needed to touch me. Rubbing slowly across the region of Louisa's lower abdomen and speaking softly to each. I enjoy this time with them and ensure they are loved each night. Kissing Louisa's expanding abdomen once more, I reach my arm around her and fall to sleep.
ME/LE
I completed the prep work for our dinner the next evening as Auntie Joan knocks on the door announcing "Only me," as she always does. Louisa and Phillip are on the sofa playing the animal sound game they do with his book, upon hearing his Gran announce herself, he efficiently slides off the sofa by himself and in his wobbly way of walking goes to meet Joan.
"Gamm" he yells. Joan swings him up into her arms, kissing his face all the while he giggles at the attention he is receiving from one of his favorite people.
Joan carries Phillip back into the lounge and sits down on the sofa next to Louisa. Phillip points at the book for his mother to finish reading. "Phillip why don't we have Gran finish the story, she knows the sounds farm animals make better than I." She hands the book to Phillip and he repositions himself closer to Joan and opens the book to his favorite page, the soft hair of the lamb, and announces "Baa, Baa."
"That's correct Phillip, the lamb goes Baa."
Louisa walks into the kitchen to refill her glass of water, stopping to see how the prepping for our dinner is going. "Is there anything I can do," she asks.
"No, the chicken is roasting now, I'll add the vegetables in a bit. The rice is cooked and now absorbing the chicken broth for the pilaf. I sautéed the onion and almonds and added them to the cooking rice. I picked up from the bakery some hardy meal rolls to add to our meal. When John arrives we can eat and then he and I can talk in my study."
"I see you laid the table too. I feel useless, I haven't done anything."
"You are never useless Louisa. You are carrying a very important job right now," I say as I wrap my arms around her growing waist. "This is your important job. Everything I do around the house doesn't compare to this," I say as I reach and touch her bump. The sound of knocking at the front door interrupts my time with Louisa. "Sound like John is here, I'll go answer it."
Phillip's thumping footsteps sound from the lounge as he meets me near the entrance to the foyer. I pick him up and together we answer the door. "Hello John, please come in." I shake his hand as Phillip looks at the stranger. "Let me make introductions, this is Phillip."
"Well hello Phillip, it is nice to meet you at last," John says.
Phillip is shy around strangers, especially men, and puts his face into my neck. "Phillip it's alright, this is a friend of mine. Say hello," I encourage.
Slowly Phillip turns his face, so one eye is on John and he says, "Hllo."
We escort John into the lounge where Louisa has joined Joan. "Hello it is good to see you again," says Louisa.
"John, it is good seeing you in Cornwall. Are you enjoying the good Cornish weather," Joan asks.
"Good evening Louisa, Joan, it has been a very pleasant week. I could easily get used to this weather. London is stuffy and the rains don't bring on any relief, only make it worse."
"May I offer you a drink, John?" I ask.
"Only water today, I drank too much last night and paying the price today," he says.
I set Phillip down and he goes straight to Joan for reassurance on the stranger. He knows his Gran will protect him. "Joan, Louisa, your usual or maybe some juice," I ask.
"Water is fine, Martin," Auntie Joan replies.
"I'll take some juice. Let me help, excuse me, John." Louisa follows me into the kitchen, "The glasses are on the dining table, if you fetch your glass I'll fill it with your juice and I'll fill the pitcher with water and set it at the table. I'll put the vegetables in now and we can eat in a few minutes."
I carry our drinks on a tray to the lounge, Louisa is carrying Phillip's sippy cup, and as soon as he notices it all thoughts of the stranger and his shyness of the man have him climbing off his Grans lap to retrieve his cup from his mother.
"Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes, if you'll excuse me, John, I need to put the final touches to the meal," I announce. I quickly leave the room allowing the women to entertain our guest.
"Martin cooks!" John asks with an uncertain expression.
"He does and he is a fabulous cook," Louisa states, "He insists on currently cooking all the meals to ensure I receive the necessary nutrients required for this pregnancy."
"You're kidding right," John asks again thinking they are pulling his leg with a joke.
"No, John, Martin has cooked his own meals for over twenty years, when the doctors gave Louisa a list of foods required Martin took it seriously and is on the internet looking up different ways of food preparation. You see Louisa is his project right now and he will do everything in his power to provide his best for her and his two new additions."
"An example of his cooking talents, tell me how many husbands would cook quinoa with roasted sweet potatoes with a lemon yoghurt dressing serve it for lunch and turn around and make a roasted chicken dinner for his guests for their evening meal. Besides attending to his son, currently, I am not allowed to pick Phillip up. He bathes him each evening and together we read with him. Martin loves his family life, he waited a long time for it to come," Louisa explains.
To say John is surprised with this new information is an understatement. He never knew anything about Martin except his medical expertise. This may be harder than he thought but he is still willing to put it on the table for Martin to decide. His thoughts are interrupted as Martin walks into the room and announces the meal is ready.
I help Louisa sit at the dining table with Phillip's highchair placed between us. Joan is next to Louisa and John across from Louisa. John looks at the meal and is impressed with the aroma of the different serving dishes laid out in front of him. We pass around the table each dish of food, after dishing my own, I pull extra bits to cut up for Phillip as he gnaws on one of the roll pieces Louisa has torn off her roll. I check to ensure the temperature is cool enough for his fingers and finally place his bowl on his tray. Phillip drops the masticated roll from his mouth allowing it to slip to the floor.
"Phillip, mind your manners," I say as I reach down with my napkin to pick up the soggy detritus from the floor.
Phillip looks over his tray to watch, "Oh no," he says as he watches it disappear into the napkin.
John watches this family scene trying to recall the times he was in the Ellingham home and can't recall ever seeing Martin at the table with the adults until he was an adult. "Joan, I remember you telling me, Martin spent some of his childhood years here in Cornwall, do you live with Martin or on your own in the village?" he asks.
"I live out at Haven Farm, a property I inherited from my father's brother. My husband and I worked the farm until his death and I continue with help from a young man from the village. We grow organic vegetables and raise sheep to sell to the local butcher. I cut back the last year to spend my time with Phillip. I believe Martin chose to become the GP here because of his memories from his childhood and to be close to me in my old age," Joan answers.
The rest of our meal passes with pleasant conversations of the memories and a future with twins coming before Christmas. Louisa suggests John and I go to my study while she and Joan clear the table and entertain Phillip.
I take John to my study and close the door behind me and settle into the two side chairs near the window. "John, I know why you are here and before you say anything let me explain," I state. "The rumors you have heard are correct, my haemophobia is cured for now. I underwent therapy I should have done when it first occurred, but I wouldn't have the life I am living now if I did."
John starts to interrupt but Martin waves him off.
"Let me explain what happened to me in London. The stress of the job finally overwhelmed me when I met my last patient before her surgery. Her family was distressed over her illness and as she lay in that bed trying to ease their minds with her love something happened to me. For some reason that scene causes me to remember a childhood incident with my parents. It was buried deep and took many months to get to the root of my problem. I was trying to get cured to return to surgery in London in the hope of locating Louisa to reestablish our relationship. But she returned to the village five months into my therapy and unbeknownst to me pregnant with Phillip. I did the only thing I could and asked her to let me be part of her life and raise our child together. Two months after his birth, we married and I am the happiest man on this earth. I am glad I could prove to myself I could do surgery, the hardest was the first one, but my life is here in Portwenn, as the GP. I found out surgery is easy but it is doesn't satisfy me anymore. The daily challenges as a GP change, with some the usual, but there are times I get to diagnose the unusual. I see the problem, research it if necessary, cure it and follow through to see the end result. Surgery, I knew the problem, it was laid out in front of me and I knew I could fix it, not a real challenge and once they left the hospital I never heard from them again unless their health deteriorated and they required further surgery."
I pause a moment expecting John to question or insist I return to surgery but he didn't, so I continued what I needed to say.
"I can't say I love it here but it is growing on me. I came here angry and full of myself and these people put me in my place. I fell in love for the first time in my life. Our road was quite bumpy. I'm almost forty-six and finally have a life outside medicine and they are in the kitchen down the hall. She has given me more joy in less than twenty months than I had in the past forty-four years. You wouldn't know but she was the only one on my interview panel that voted against me becoming the village GP and there are times when I fail her with her village but I'm working on it. I have a family now, which will grow larger before the end of the year. As a surgeon I would dedicate too much time in the hospital, only going home to eat and sleep. I don't want that life, John. You met Louisa, she is a remarkable woman and I want to spend as much time with her as I can. My job as a GP is enough for me, but thank you for thinking of me for this position at Imperial. I might have a name of a good alternative – Mister William Shaw at St. Mary's. He was the attending physician to my father, he is also my father's illegitimate son, but he doesn't know that. I watched him perform the coiling and his work was outstanding. Your surgical staff couldn't do better, even with me."
I surprised John with my last statement, "Martin, are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes, John, my life is here where I am needed."
He stands desponded but he knew from the earlier conversations that he didn't stand a chance of getting Martin Ellingham back in London performing surgery. Martin relaying a name of a potential head of surgery was better than he could hope for. He had heard of Mr. Shaw, but his first choice was always Martin.
John extends his hand and firmly shakes Martins' hand, "Martin, I'm happy for you. I know how difficult your parents were, especially your mother. I wish you and Louisa happiness and if you ever decide to change your mind, don't hesitate to call me."
I walk John out of the study with my intentions to let Louisa say goodbye, but he had other ideas. "Martin, I'll let myself out, go to your family. I've taken enough of your time." He walks to the front door and leaves quietly.
I stand in the hall for quite some time, going over the conversation that didn't happen the way John wanted it to go, but I needed to say how I felt upfront. I walk into the lounge to see Phillip quietly putting different shapes into the sorter and can remember just two months ago how difficult it was for him. He has learned where every shape goes now. Louisa and Joan are sitting on the sofa talking, as I stand there listening I realize they are planning Phillips' birthday party. It suddenly dawns on me that Phillip will turn a year in less than four days. So much has happened in the past year, I smile at the events and I know I wouldn't change any of it, including the Danny Steele episode or Louisa's injury. If anything those events made our marriage stronger.
I clear my throat and announce "John has left and asked me to say his farewell." I can see the concern in Louisa's eyes and I give her the look that we will talk later.
"It was nice seeing John again," Joan announces trying to find the reason behind John's visit.
"He came to talk about a reference for his surgical team at Imperial. I knew first-hand what type of surgeon he was, John wanted my input." I reply to the unasked question, ending any further discussion.
"I need to get home then and help Al with the vegetables," she says. "Louisa I'll pick up the items and drop them off in a day or two if that is alright."
"Yes, that will be fine Joan, and remember early dinner on Thursday, make sure you tell Al."
Joan gives Louisa and me a hug and urges Phillip to give her a kiss and a hug which he happily does.
Later that evening has I bathe Phillip, the discussion comes to mind and I slowly work through my decision again. Phillip babbles at his duck and points towards the showerhead, holding his duck up as if the duck can see, and then loudly udders "Baff".
"No, Phillip not tonight. You and your duck are already clean." He looks up again at the showerhead with a look of disappointment. "Tomorrow night we can take a shower," I tell him. I start emptying his stacking cups and place them on the mat to dry. Phillip hands me his duck and points to the mat; I gladly place it with the rest of his bath toys. I pull his towel off the warming rack, wrapping it around him then lean over and pull the plug allowing the water to drain.
"Bye-bye," Phillip says to the departing water, this brings a smile to my face.
Later that evening as Louisa is in the en-suite, I walk into Phillip's room and stand over my son's softly snoring body. I stroke his head gently. I still can't understand why his soft hair and skin calm me the way they do. I smile closing my eyes I feel his importance in my life and I know the offered surgeon job doesn't compare to my need to be with Phillip and Louisa.
Later as Louisa and I are cuddled together in bed, I explain my conversation with John and my decision. She leans closer into me, providing comfort, and I am finally able to express my conflict with my decision. She reaches up, lightly kisses me, her encouragement to express my feelings that sometimes overtake me provides me comfort. I am momentarily engulfed with warm memories of our passionate nights this past March. I reach my hand over her perturbing bump and all the problems of the world no longer exist. Here with Louisa and my burning passion for her is all that matters to me.
End of Chapter
The title of this chapter "Tu me fallunt", from the Latin, "Do you miss me". The question: does Martin Ellingham miss being a surgeon in London? No, not anymore there is more to his life than surgery. I translated this on google translate and if it is wrongly translated, I apologize.