Sorry, this is not a new chapter but realized that my opening statement was a repeat of the last chapter.

Thank you for each and every review.

Chapter 32

Her Cordis meus Est Domus

"Love is irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

- Robert Frost –

ME/LE

Louisa woke to a dark room of shadows entering the room through the curtain, a sliver of moon in the night sky helping her eyes to adjust only to realize her husband wasn't cuddling her per his usual. But nature was calling as the twins pushed steadily on her bladder once again.

Upon her return to the bed, she noticed he was sleeping on his back, looking stiff in his sleep. Slowly working her way back under the covers, she laid her head on his shoulder at the same time wrapping her arm across his chest. The dampness of his pajamas alerted her to trouble. The room was cool, not warm enough to cause him to sweat under the blanket. She adjusted her position, leaning on her elbow to view his face with the help of the moonlight when suddenly he makes the most awful whine. Now she knows what woke her, his nightmares have returned. Gently she lays her hand on his chest and slowly draws a circle with her fingers on his chest, hoping he will relax enough to banish the nightmare. His movements slow some, but his mumbling inside the whine breaks her heart. Using soothing words along with her soft touch his movements still. She leans over and kisses his cheek then whispers near his ear.

"Martin, you are the bravest man I know and that is why I chose you to love and father my children. No man can measure up to you; you are gentle, kind, and smart. Don't let the gentle part mislead you… Gentle in how you care for me, well love me... You take care of me in all aspects of our lives together. What woman wouldn't want that? Kind, I don't think a single person in the village believes you are a kind person. But you don't show your kindness every day to those that don't deserve it. I said that wrong… how should I put it… when you are at ease, and relaxed around others, you do show your kindness as a doctor. You show your kindness to the ones you love every single day. I can't say that about other men I've dated. Most are arrogant, testosterone-driven idiots, more just selfish; Danny is a good example. Let's see, smart, seriously Martin, no man can compare with your intelligence. Believe it or not, Martin, that makes you a sexy man."

His mumbles and the distress slip away as her soft whisper pulls him from his nightmare. Minutes lead to an hour, then 2 hours as her stories of their interaction seemed to soothe him. Each time she recalls the previous years he seems to relax.

"Do you remember the time you found me carrying a surfboard and I mentioned that you would look good out of your suit, well did you know I was flirting with you? Probably not, but I was. Let's see… did you know I was nervous on our first date? When you took my hand and twined your fingers around mine it felt so right. That's why I pulled you off the path to kiss you… There was the time you mingled in the village and flirted with the pirate… Oh, Martin, you made a joke for the first time in my presence that day."

She moves into a more comfortable position but continues her little circles on his chest.

That day I called you in a panic to come to save Danny, and you pushed that needle into his chest, it scared me that somehow you were hurting him, but as always you were the best doctor and you saved him. That was the second time you saved someone right in front of me, and you were so calm both times. I remember you warning us that you might be sick when you operated on Peter in the back of the ambulance, you were more concerned with saving his life than being embarrassed by becoming sick in front of me. That night is the night I fell in love with you. It was the trust. "

She kisses his chest as she watches the steady rising and falling of his relaxed breathing.

"Now if you hadn't fallen asleep during our wine drinking, our relationship would have started that night instead of a year later. Martin, I wanted to get to know you that night. I got my first kiss from you that night and wanted so many more. If I think about it, I had a thing for you at your interview. I know I asked the hard questions, but you were showing that unlikeable side of yourself. But when you touched my face and took the time to examine my eye, giving me a diagnosis in a matter of seconds just by asking a few simple questions, I had this weird feeling low in my gut that surprised me. You unsettled me at that moment… again I'm not using the right word. You threw my whole world off kilter and to save myself any embarrassment I had to walk away. Martin, when we make love… you do that to me every single time. My world revolves faster, and if you say my name when you make love to me, I am always afraid that I'll spin off my axis."

She lays a few more kisses on his chest. He hasn't made a sound, other than his steady breathing.

"That woman will never hurt you again. I promise you, Martin."

She couldn't fathom a parent torturing their child for any reason at all. Joan and Ruth had mentioned his father's sick and demented ways of punishment but for both to do what they did to him was barbaric. There was an anarchic urge to protect him from harm; call it motherhood, those hormones flooding her body urging her to protect the innocent, her husband.

She moves her hand to brush her fingers across his face. The sound of her name, in the darkness, from his lips, urged her to kiss his lips.

I woke to her kiss, it was intoxicating, a wonderful way to wake up after that terrible nightmare. I pour myself into it, devouring her lips. Louisa makes me feel alive, desired, and cherished. What have I done to have this wonderful woman in my life? Her touches and attention are exactly what I need after the altercation with my mother. Our lips dance together as she brushes hers across mine, then moments later the firm pressure. Her lips and her hands on my chest are caressing my heart, and my soul, and I find myself lost in my wife again.

What I feel for Louisa halts all the foolishness that my mother tried to bear down on our marriage. I understand now that she is jealous of our love for one another – my parent's egos for power and status were not love for each other. Louisa accepts me for who I am, who I was when the haemaphobia was my life, and who I will be – a father to three wonderful gifts from my loving, selfless wife. I feel no need to hide my feelings any longer when I am with her.

We finish the weekend talking and I notice my defensive armour coming crashing down each time Louisa provides the comfort that I need with each tale revealed of my past. She discovered massages were great for lowering our stress; it seems receiving is as good as giving.

ME/LE

I pull the Lexus onto the gravel road leading to the farmhouse. All I want are answers from my aunts.

I help Louisa out of the car, and we enter the kitchen to the chaos that Ruth creates when she is trying to cook, and Joan is trying to fix the mess her sister is making. Phillip adds to the bedlam with his singing and drumming with a wooden spoon on his tray. Mashed cooked carrots and bananas fly with each upbeat of the spoon and neither aunt seems to notice the flying mess.

My aunts haven't heard us, and Phillip is too busy in his pursuit to be a rockstar, I glance at Louisa and see she is trying not to laugh by looking at me. I hate messes so I quickly grab the tea towel and run water onto it, thoroughly soaking it. I grab Phillip's hand and at the same time place the wet towel over his face to start cleaning. The lack of banging catches my aunt's notice, and they turn to discover an almost clean child protesting my interference with his fun.

"Mummy, Da, you's back," Phillip yells when he notices who is washing his hands.

Hearing my son call out to me, stops my motion with the flannel, that voice sounding of love and want wraps around my heart – making my day all the better.

"Marty, Louisa, when did you get here? I didn't hear your vehicle."

"I don't know if you would hear anything over that noise."

"Martin, your son was just entertaining us, but now that I look around, he did make a mess."

Ruth eyed her nephew, looking to see if Margaret's visit did any damage.

"Louisa, sit down. Tells us about your doctor's appointment. Were you able to discover our mystery gender of the twin?"

"No, that one is still shy. Always seems to face in the opposite direction or keeps its legs in the way. I think that one will be a proper young lady," she said with a giggle.

"Ohh, wouldn't that be wonderful? The next generation of female Ellingham's," Joan cooed.

Louisa looked over at her husband and noticed a strange look on his face. It was a mixture of surprise and confusion. What if he never thought one of the twins could be a daughter?

"Martin, are you alright?"

"Yes, fine," I answer. "I know that there is a fifty percent chance that we could have a daughter but until now I never thought that we weren't having boys. What am I to do with a daughter?'

"Spoil her and let her wrap you around her little finger," Joan smirked.

Ruth turned from the stove with a pot of steaming stew and places it on the table.

"Enough discussions for the moment, let's eat. Joan, grab the bread from the oven. Martin, finish cleaning up your son. Louisa, just enjoy getting off your feet."

Everyone did as Ruth requested before joining Louisa at the table for the delicious meal and conversation. Ruth was enjoying her time in Portween and had thoughts this could be her future with her growing family. Yes, she missed the quiet of her flat in London and her work, but the past two months were weighing heavily on her mind.

"Martin, we spoke to Fred Jenkins about your mother and found out she has been busy these last month's spying on all of us and hoping to talk to you. We understand that the two of you met near your cottage afternoon and had words."

Louisa looks over to her husband and slowly intertwines their hands to show her love.

"Yes, she showed up on the path not far from the cottage. She wanted money but when I said I wouldn't give her any she decided she wanted to be around for her grandchild. She believes Louisa is pregnant with our first child and I didn't feel the need to correct her."

Joan quickly looked into her nephew's eyes and saw the hurt. "Marty, what did she say?"

"Her usual, that I was the problem with her marriage, not the fact that they each had affairs. I was needy as a child… bullied too often… and she was embarrassed that I peed my bed."

"She wanted Martin to give her three hundred thousand for another house in Portugal," Louisa added.

"What? What happened to the property she received in the divorce?" Joan asked.

"She said, she had debts and sold the property to settle them."

"That is not quite true, Martin," Ruth announced. "Alistair did some background work when we discovered Margaret was visiting the village. Margaret signed over the property to her ex-lover and he sold it. He told her about a non-existing law that required his name as the owner for them to borrow money against it. After collecting the money from the sale, he disappeared, leaving Margaret without a home. She met Fred Jenkins when she was in London trying to steal Christopher's money after the funeral. They renewed their love affair from years ago and moved to his residence in Cornwall. Fred thought she loved him, but when he heard what she was doing on her visits to Portween and what she said at our meeting after she visited with you, he left her."

"Did she want me?" I asked out of the blue. The thought that she never wanted me preyed on my mind.

The stunned look on the older women's faces was caused by the question issued from their nephew but it was the sound of his voice; that of a desperate child.

"Marty, only she can answer that. But if her actions are the answer, then no. Christopher wanted a child, it was a trend his colleagues were setting, and he needed to keep up with them. From the day you came home from the hospital she ignored you."

"Christopher always got his way; he wanted a child to brag about and she provided one. It was the final straw in their marriage, he had his affairs while Margaret was pregnant. Once you were born, she went back to having hers. That's how she knew Fred," Ruth continued the thoughts Joan started.

"Phil and I would have raised you as our own if they would have let us. But Christopher's ego couldn't have his son raised by farmers."

"So, I was just a prize to boast about with his friends and ignored by my mother. I can't recall doing anything with my parents… I remember my holidays on the farm, riding the tractor with Uncle Phil and Ruth spending weekends teaching me chess before I went away to school."

There was a lost look set upon his face. Slowly his eyes moved to his son and the life in those blue-gray eyes came to life.

"That will not happen with my children. I want them and most of all, I need them to help heal that part of my soul that my parents damaged."

"Martin, you are on the road to recovery, we will help you to heal," Ruth said as she reached out and tapped her nephew's hand.

Phillip, would you like dessert?" Joan asked.

"Pi Grams. Illip woo like pi, pleease."

His request easily eased the tension at the table. Martin gathered the dishes and set them in the sink while Joan pulled out dessert plates to serve her famous apple pie.

Ruth stood and walked over to the chest along the wall picked up an ivory-colored envelope and placed it on the table next to Martin.

"Morwenna gave this to Al yesterday to give to you upon your return," she said as she returned to her chair.

"I had hoped those stopped since we haven't received any for a few weeks," Louisa said just above a whisper.

Ruth knew the previous messages made Louisa nervous. She had spoken quietly about it with Ruth; 'I hate knowing someone in the village is in love with my husband'. Ruth knew it brought out Louisa's lack of self-esteem. Louisa was one of the higher educated residents in the village, but she bore the weight of her thieving father and nymphomaniac, and some women in the village never let her forget.

"Well let's see what she has to say this time," Joan announced.

Martin opened the envelope, and read it quickly before announcing, "She has changed the author. She is using a quote that is often mistaken to be by Shakespeare."

"What did she write?" Joan frustratedly mumbles.

"I love thee, I love but thee

With a love that shall not die

Till the sun grows cold

And the stars grow old."

Martin hands the note to Louisa, and she skims it before handing it to Ruth where she and Joan share in its reading.

"I can see why she thought it might be by Shakespeare the wording is similar to Hamlet's letter to Ophelia," Louisa says. "She confused her stars and sun."

"If I'm not mistaken this quote is part of Bayard Taylor's Bedouin Song which was written 200 years after Shakespeare's life," Ruth states.

"Yes, it is," and he recites the entire passage for them.

"From the desert I come to thee on a stallion shod with fire; In the speed of my desire. Under thy window I stand, and the midnight hears my cry; I love thee, I love but thee, with a love that shall not die till the sun grows cold, and the stars are old, and the leaves of the judgment book unfold."

"She sounds more confused with this note," Louisa states.

"I agree Louisa. Martin, what do you think."

"I'm not sure. Monday morning, I will have Morwenna pull all the medical files on the women in this village. Ruth, together we might be able to find something in the files. I don't what else to do."

ME/LE

The doctor's Ellingham spent the next week going through medical records looking for a hint of who it could be that in their medical judgment was having a psychological issue emerge in the last few months. After a thorough scouring of the records, they came up empty.

ME/LE

Later the following week is Louisa's birthday and I wanted it to be special to prove to her that I love only her.

The morning of her birthday, Phillip made his way into our room like he did most mornings, quietly tugging on the blankets as he pulls himself up. This morning was no different except he wriggled himself between us and went back to sleep, of course, I woke as his feet kicked at my body until he had his space next to his mum.

When I was unable to return to sleep, I growled in disappointment that my good morning to Louisa would not happen, and instead went and took a cold shower.

I went downstairs and started breakfast, much to my agitation that dog once again was in the house. Buddy stretched his little body, like a cat, and walked over to the empty food bowl. As I did every morning, I placed his bowl outside with a scoop of dry food in it and walked away without a word towards it when I closed the door. I knew if I ignored it maybe it would ignore me, but that never happens; unfortunately.

I finish breakfast preparations and return upstairs to wake Phillip and dress him before he wakes Louisa. Her sleep is very important right now with her waking up several times a night due to the pressure on her bladder from her pregnancy.

I reach the top of the stairs only to hear my son's voice telling his mother about what Poppy had planned for his outing today.

I approach the door, only to stop and watch as my son attempts to stuff my pillow behind his mother as she tries to get comfortable. Louisa notices me before Phillip does, as he is busy with the pillow and his story to notice anything.

"Phillip, good morning," I say as I walk toward Louisa's side of the bed to give her a morning kiss.

Kissing my wife again just behind her ear, then whisper in her ear, "Good morning luv, how did you sleep?"

The smile I receive makes my heart swell; nobody has ever looked at me the way she does. My thoughts are interrupted when I hear my son say,

"Dadd, look at me. See me love babbies."

My son had his head laying on his mother's belly and his arm wrapped across her bulging midsection. When I finally look, he places kisses all over it.

With a smile, "Phillip, are you hungry? Let's get you dressed and downstairs and start your mummy's birthday breakfast."

His eyes light up as he looks at Louisa, "R you havin' cake witf breaffast?"

"Not this morning, honey. Maybe after dinner if we eat everything Daddy cooks," she says with a wink.

He crawls to the end of the bed and slides down to start walking to his room, but stops and turns towards me,

"Come on Dadd, Illip hungry," he says as he reaches for my hand.

The day proceeded but not the way I would have wanted. I wanted Louisa to myself but everyone in this village needed to be with us. Maybe I should have taken her away again for our own private birthday party.

ME/LE

The school year started the following week, with Louisa anxious that the school term would start correctly. She couldn't prepare her replacement any better. The woman, along with many of the teachers had the start of the school term in hand and Louisa relaxed a bit.

With her days all her own until the twins were born, she occupied herself with baby books, only when she finished her morning yoga with Melanie, and she walks up to the surgery just as I finished for the day. We would walk into the village and pick up any groceries we needed for the evening meal. Some days we ate lunch in one of the restaurants scattered throughout the village, but only the premises I had inspected for cleanliness and approved of.

Every morning when I left for the surgery I was graced with a shadow, a four-legged shadow. He waited patiently at the door for me to finish for the day or escorted us through the village, always waiting outside each establishment we went into. If anyone wanted to find me when I left my office, the villagers could find me through my faithful shadow presence outside the establishment.

I asked Louisa, Joan, just about anyone I could think of for the reason the dog needed to irritate me by following me everywhere. I never gave that dog any reason; I actually did everything I could think of to lose him more than once. Nobody had a logical answer.

One day he was waiting near the chemist's door as I picked up a few items during my morning break between patients. It had been a few weeks since talking face-to-face with Mrs. Tishell and she continues to act strangely around me. I have been told many times that I'm oblivious to all things not medical, but since marrying Louisa and with her help most of the time, I understand the woman in front of me is flirting. She nervously leans across the counter; she plays with the buttons on her cardigan – slowly unbuttoning the top two buttons as I ask for gloves to be added to my order.

The stomping of boots down the stairs is a welcome reprieve from this woman's movements. Clive Tishell comes barreling down the stairs with bags in hand, speaking to his wife before he realizes she is with a customer.

"Sally, I'm off… Oh, Doc didn't know you were here," he says.

The murmur of "Obviously" passes Mrs. Tishell's lips.

I notice the look and hear her remark.

"Mr. Tishell, how are you?" I ask.

Clive Tishell came home from the rigs last month with a problem; he was losing his hearing and blamed it on the heavy machinery on the rigs. As a doctor with knowledge of the safety laws of this great country, I knew that all employees on the rigs wore hearing protection when around the equipment. And as the safety officer on the rig Mr. Tishell knew to wear hearing protection at all times, so when he blamed the loss on the machinery, I knew that was untrue. After an incident involving probing with a cotton swab and bleeding Mrs. Tishell brought him to my surgery. She said I told him to stop digging in his ear for wax.*

I discussed his symptoms while I scanned his medical history along with a visual examination with the otoscope. With one final demonstration, the balance test, I determined the cause from a cyst, known as cholesteatoma*, that I saw towards the middle and inner ear. I referred him to Truro to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist. They performed the CT and MRI scans for detailed pictures of the bones, vessels, and soft tissue in and around the cyst, to tell if the cholesteatoma invaded any of those areas. Mr. Tishell was lucky he was diagnosed early, the cholesteatoma had not damaged the fragile bones of the ear or spread into his brain. The ENT performed the surgery required to remove the cyst and he recently finished his antibiotic therapy. He would need to see me every three months to ensure his clean bill of health. His work environment will make prevention more difficult but not impossible if he keeps track of ear issues.

"Doing better Doc."

"Don't ignore any of the symptoms that we discussed, or the cholesteatoma can return. Just remember that Mr. Tishell."

"I won't," he said. "Luv, I need to buy new boots. I'll be back soon," he says and then tries to kiss his wife on the cheek, but she turns, walking to a side cabinet just out of his reach.

"Is that all Doctor Ellingham?" she asks giving her husband a disdained look.

Before I can answer she continues talking.

"If you want to come upstairs to go over the monthly bulletin with some tea," she says until she hears the bell jingled with her husband's exit, and to my surprise, my four-legged shadow rushes in.

"Doctor Ellingham, you need to remove that dog, it isn't allowed in here," she screeches as she moves to grab her broom to shoo the mutt out of her business.

I grab my box of medical supplies and rush out the door with my shadow. My next stop this afternoon will be the butcher with an additional purchase for my friend. Maybe he isn't so bad to have around, I think as I smile to myself, if he can keep certain villagers away.

ME/LE

Louisa spent the rest of August and most of September resting. Besides her daily yoga and walks, she spends most of her time in the nursery, putting the finishing touches on it with the help of Melanie or my aunts. Melanie started attending night courses instead of returning to London for school and seemed happier when I saw her with her friends in the village, so I don't see her as often.

In September, Louisa and I made bi-weekly trips to Truro for her OB appointments. Doctor Rawle is very happy with her and the twin's health, especially since her blood pressure has stabilized and no high blood pressure contractions since early August.

The fall rains started last week, I won't allow Louisa out in the village fearing she could be caught in a downpour or slip on the wet pavement on one of the many hills. Aunty Joan says her fields are a muddy mess. We are used to the off-and-on showers most of the year, but it seems the weather is stuck in a severe weather pattern, even the fishing boats are staying put more often.

ME/LE

The morning in the Tishell household with Sally cooking breakfast for herself and soon to be gone husband. He was due to be picked up near the Platt and returned to the rigs in the North Sea. When they finished eating, Clive started packing his duffle with the fresh laundry laid out on the sofa. Sally finished with the dishes and was sitting drinking tea and writing a note on lovely ivory parchment. So involved with her thoughts of what she is writing Clive was able to come up behind her without her noticing.

"What's that you're writing there Sal?" he asked as he leaned over to read.

"Nothing, just a note to a friend."

With a raised brow, he let her anxiousness float away, "Sal, we have a bit of time how about one last time before I leave for another three months?"

"No, no; I don't like when Jim comes by knocking when you aren't ready to leave."

She stands and turns the paper over and places a book on top of it.

"Are you all packed?" she asks changing the subject.

"Yes, just finished. Are you sure?"

Her glare was enough of an answer as they are interrupted by the phone ringing downstairs in the shop.

The storm that currently is punishing the fishing village, roared louder with high winds that whipped the fishing boats around, the strong waves beating the cliffs and seawall entrance, and the rain that poured made driving, walking, or getting around the village difficult.

The phone call was from Jim, he relayed that the van was coming earlier due to the weather. Clive Tishell kissed his wife, grabbed his duffle, and ran towards the Platt as quickly as the weather permitted.

Sally Tishell spent the morning unloading boxes of medical supplies into her medicine storage room in the back of her shop and the non-medicine on the shelves in her basement. As she worked, she hummed with relief that her husband would be gone for a while. The last month spent with Clive was hard; eighteen years of dealing with him for just two weeks every three months was the norm. She liked being on her own, doing what she wanted without his nosiness, like this morning when she was writing her note. After he left, she sat down and finished the note, placed it in the matching envelope, and wrote the name on the front, before placing it on the table to be delivered later today.

The sound of her bell brought her out of her thoughts, and she rushed upstairs to see to her customer.

Standing just inside the closed door, looking out the door window, water dripping, from his rain-soaked rain gear, onto her floor, stood PC Penhale.

The sound of a groin from behind him made Joe Penhale turn around to meet the eyes of a very upset Sally Tishell.

"Before you get upset with me, I am just a messenger," he says. "Clive has been delayed due to the weather and if you need him, he is waiting in the pub with the others," he finishes by pulling up on his belt that is currently covered by his rain slicker.

"Fine, stop moving, you're getting the postcards wet every time you move your arms," she sighs as she reaches for the mop that's been placed against the near wall this past week for easy access.

ME/LE

I have driven to and from the surgery this past week, keeping my suit pants somewhat drier. Due to the weather many of the routine appointments are canceled almost hourly each day, and this morning I find I have a free hour to reread many of my medical books on multi-births and follow-up care.

"Doc, you said to let you know when the rain slacked off. It looks like lighter wind and rain now. I could run to the chemist to pick up those items."

"No, besides the medical items for the surgery, there are a few personal items I need," I say as I go towards the kitchen to grab my slicker to walk down to the chemist. "Buddy, are you coming?"

The little dog has been snoozing in the dog bed Louisa insisted I place it in my kitchen. He stretches and happily bounces to the back door waiting as I pull on my rain slicker.

End of Chapter

I know I left the story with many moving parts unfinished but felt this was the best place to stop as all the unfinished parts will come together and I am not sure how long it will take. So next chapter will pick up where this chapter ends, with DM walking down to the chemist.

Cholesteatoma is an abnormal skin growth that can develop in the middle ear. It usually begins as a collection of dead skin cells and develops into a cyst-like pocket behind the eardrum. It can significantly impair a person's hearing and balance, as well as the function of their facial muscles. Medical information found on website: .com

Some readers will remember in Series 4, episode 1 that some of the scenes are described in this chapter. Some was changed to fit into this story. I do not own, only borrowing. Rightful owner is Buffalo Pictures.

Chapter title: 'Her Cordis meus Est Domus' translated from Latin to English is 'Her Heart is My Home'. Translated with Google Translate.