Quick apology and accolades:

I love the Karen Traviss books. Always have.

It's been AGES since I posted-in my twenties probably!-but I found this story again and thought I'd throw it out there!

Don't expect chapter and verse: My Star Wars cannon ranges from the original trilogy of my childhood to raising my own babe with the prequels and original Clone Wars stuff. So much good stuff there! My Mando'ad is pretty good but I welcome corrections in spelling & punctuation of the language. And I don't bow to the new series and all the duff about never removing helmets and all... cute little green dude, but not my Mandos.

Enjoy!

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Approx 1,088 Days After the Battle of Geonosis (ABG)

"Vau," Ad'ra's hologram shimmered as she spoke. The transmission was awful. Probably as bad as he'd seen.

The older man didn't like to think of the effect just seeing her face and hearing her voice had on him. Momentary insanity. That's all he could chalk it up to. Momentary insanity. Even the static interference with her voice made him miss her. She'd kept closer and closer to Mandayaim the past couple of years.

"Ad'ra," he murmured, bowing slightly. "You picked a hell of a day to be off Trip Zip."

"I'm turning around. But since Kal picked a date I needed to tell you something."

Vau's brows rose. He wasn't sure what this was going to be, but he knew enough to realize that he wasn't going to like it. The only thing he could think of was that some of the key players had changed their minds. It was one thing to go along with the crazy little dikut when it looked like the clone restoration project was going to be a pipe dream. Actually committing was another matter entirely.

"Okay..." he drawled in his most disinterested patrician voice. Ad'ra hated that tone of voice. She recognized it for what it was-a self defense learned at his father's feet. "Hit me with it, whatever it is."

"I just wanted to tell you now so that you have time to adjust-to get over your mad-so you don't do something crazy."

"I think you're mistaking me for the emotional side of the Vau-and-Skirata show, ad'ika."

Ad'ra bit her lip. "I did something without consulting you. Took away something...kept something from you. And, yes, I think you're going to have an emotional reaction. So that's why I'm telling you now."

Vau's lips pursed and his brow arched. "Just do it, Ad'ra," he snapped. Shab. He was getting concerned. And he really didn't like where this was going.

"You have a two boys," she told him abruptly. She said it, then she licked her lips and watched for his reaction. She couldn't wait long enough to feel him out before bursting out the rest of it. "A toddler and a little one. I kept them because I thought that you and I-I thought it was just a thing and I never expected you to come over to Skirata's way of thinking. I didn't keep it from you maliciously. I just didn't think you'd care. I didn't think you wanted to be connected to anyone. You seem so violently against family and you-"

"What?" Vau asked quietly. "What did you just say?"

His reticence was from shock. Not anger. She could see his face go slack. But she could also see the tension forming at his jawline and the corners of his eyes.

Her voice was a murmur. "I'm sorry."

No pain-no physical or emotion destruction had ever been so complete.

"I trusted you," Vau accused. "You were our Adenn. And I loved you. I let you go-just like I always do-and you-"

"Vau..."

He shook his head. "Why? Why keep it from me? Why tell me now?"
Ad'ra shrugged her shoulders and kept her face and voice devoid of emotion. "They look like you. Every day I see more of you. I could keep the pregnancy to myself the first time. But then I threw in with Kal and his boys and when you joined hearts and minds and bank vaults and all I realized that I couldn't keep it from you forever."

"We've been together-in every sense of the word-probably fifteen times since I robbed that bank. What the hell were you waiting for?"

Ad'ra shrugged. "The right time. A time when you weren't distracted and we could just go somewhere and talk without being interrupted."

The sky behind him exploded with sound and light.

"You pick your moments, Ad'ra," he spat.

"I'm on my way back. We'll find time to talk."

"How old are they?"

"One and three," she said softly. Her face lit up. "Gorgeous. The perfect mix of you and me. Your face, your structure, God your expressions and stubbornness. Just beautiful. And sweet, Vau. Innocent, like the lads never were. Clever, but different than I remember them."

Vau's face was stricken for once.

"I knew I couldn't hide it again, not with the date so close and you coming back to Kyrimorut with us. So I knew I needed to tell you."

"Now."

She shrugged again. "It isn't easy knowing how you'll deal with things, Vau. One minute you're beating the osik out of your squads, the next you're ransoming them out of the army. What the kriff am I supposed to think when you're there in the barracks playing cards and then just leaving them? How am I supposed to feel when you're one way when we're both working an op, then you go for weeks and weeks and weeks without comming me?"

"You should feel like a liar and a cheat, Ad'ra." he told her meanly. "Fierfek." He turned and ran both hands through his hair. Away from her gaze his face crumpled and the pain threatened to consume him. "I want my sons," he told her.

"I'll share. I would have all along if I'd trusted your reaction, Walon," she said quietly. He could hear the menace in her words.

"You should have trusted me anyway."

"With me, yes. With mine?" She shook her head, forcing him to turn around to see her. "It's one thing to allow you to use me and throw me away-casually, like I'm nobody. But what if you'd treated your child with indifference? What if I'd been wrong? I was twenty and Jango had just died and I couldn't find Boba. I was scared. Yes," she hissed. "Weak."

She hated that word. He'd tossed it at her a time or two.

He hated it himself now.

If he'd known she'd latch onto it like a stick with which to flail herself for the rest of her life he'd have choked on it before he'd thrown it her way.

"What if you'd taken him from me? I'm stronger now, Vau. I know how to hurt and stand through it. This time will be different. You won't raise my children like you raised your squads on Kamino. He won't be beaten into a warrior. He'll be taught. Gently. One-on-one."

Vau hissed through his teeth at her.

"Tracyn will be the next Adenn, Vau. You may have Kerrick for the Vau line. But I claim Tracyn for my father's legacy," she told him reasonably. "He'll be trained as the Mand'alor's Merc." She was quiet while she let him take that in. "Why didn't you tell me you loved me? Is it really that hard?"

Vau nodded. "Yes. And this is why. When you let someone in they can rip you apart. They know exactly how to make you bleed."

"Do you want your father to know about your child?"

Vau nodded. "Yes. I want to take them to Irmenu and show them both what they'll never have-never touch." He glanced away, then looked at her again, composing himself. "You named them for me?"

"I call him Tracyn. He is still unnamed as the ways of our people go. It's his buir's place to name him. If you choose to recognize him. I wouldn't ever take that away from you."

"Just years of his life."

"I'm telling you now, Walon. What more do you want from me?"

"Where has he been?" Vau asked suddenly. "You've been with me-over and over. Where has a small child been during all this?"

"Mostly with one of my friends, sometimes with Wad'e if I needed them working an angle for me. He has a care droid. He loves her and, for all her bolts and boards, she seems to adore him. I stayed with him as long as I could, Vau. I plan to do so this time as well."

"That's not the first reference you've made. You're pregnant again?" He asked.

She nodded. "I knew there'd be no escaping from the truth on Mandalore. I wanted to talk to you privately in case you didn't want to be involved. People will talk."

"People talked on Kamino," he told her. "People talked here. What the kriff difference does it make?" He could still hear Jango's voice berating him. You're old enough to be her father. Sicko. Pervert. What are you thinking?

"Do you still want me?" she asked him.

Vau ran his hand over his face, then pulled at his lips. It was an unremarkable gesture, an absent thinking gesture. And it broke her heart.

"I want to see them," Vau said stubbornly. "I want to meet them. I want them to be mine."

Ad'ra's heart was in her eyes as she nodded. The wavery blue image didn't reflect the tears that escaped, but the set of her mouth told him that he'd managed to wound her back. And it made him feel worse.

"I don't understand, Ad'ra," he told her. "I know we disagreed about a lot of our methods. But we disagreed with the way others were doing it more. I thought I knew you. Thought you knew me. I may never understand why you kept this a secret. Especially not after Kad was born and you found out about the raid on the vault."

"I found out about the raid on the vault after the fact, Vau. You kept it from me. You'd have never told me if we hadn't pulled the Gie'sook job together. You aren't sentimental. You aren't demonstrative. I'm a convenience when we're working together. Nothing more. Not that you ever articulated. Children are inconvenient. They don't run to time tables. Not in the real world. The super-humans we worked with in the beginning have little similarities to your own child-"

"I'd have liked the chance to discern that firsthand," he shot back. "I'd have liked to have been his buir from the very beginning. Where is he now?"

"If I'd known what you wanted I'd have told you three and a half years ago," she chided gently.

"You'll bring him to me," Vau ordered. "Do you understand me?"

"The hell I will! You're in the middle of a war zone. And I'm already committed. You'll wait for me there and we'll go together when this is over. Do you understand me?"

The man shook his head. "I don't, Ad'ra. I don't." He sighed and looked up at her likeness. "Were you afraid to tell me in person?" he asked suddenly.

One shoulder lifted and she ducked her head.

"Ad'ra! I've never once threatened you! Never, in all the times we've argued! Who are you?"

Ad'ra's voice rang out in her own grief and regret. "I've never kept anything from you, Vau! I know what loyalty is to you! Fierfek! Your beskar is black! Justice is yours to mete out as you see fit and I'd either betrayed you by getting pregnant in the first place or lived a lie with you every day since! It is an untenable position."

Vau closed his eyes and admitted the truth of it. He'd always coddled Mird and had treated Ad'ra well in person. Truthfully he'd never pursued her actively or plagued her with his finer emotions out of fear of rejection. If he was convenient-that was quite a word, convenient-then he would remain so. If that was the only way he could have her he'd not do anything to lose it. And he was a hard man. He knew that.

"How far along are you?" he asked without looking at her.

"Sixteen weeks."

"Nearly halfway?" he frowned.

"Not quite," she corrected. "Somewhere closer to a third, I guess."

"So we're risking the child's health."

Ad'ra shook her head. "This child is quite safe in my womb while I'm in my beskar ga'am. I don't take risks with what's mine. I protect it."

"I meant no insult," he told her. "I just realized that-I didn't want the new baby to be troubled. Life's full of it later. That's all."

"You're to have another boy," she told him. "Another son. A vod'ika for Tracyn and Kerrick. You're tediously predictable as far as your progeny."

He couldn't think. Felt too much.

"Ad. I can't. I can't... I just need to... I'll..."

"I understand," she gulped. Gave him a soft, sorrowful half-smile. "I'll be there shortly."

Vau ground his teeth and shook his head. "Take care landing, Ad'ika. The ground is treacherous here."

Ad'ra nodded sharply and then ended the transmission. The ground was treacherous?

Vau sank into a chair and put his head in his hands. Skirata skidded in full of good cheer and slapped him on the back.

"We may just get away with this," the shorter man bragged.

"I have a three-year-old," Vau said without preamble. "And a new babe. Boys. My own sons. And another on the way."

The older mercenary's eyes grew wide and he put on a calm face. "Ad'ra is going to skin you alive," he pronounced. "You'd better get the kids away from their mothers and raise them yourself or that woman will never-"

"She knows. They're hers. Biologically. She bore them. Is enceinte again." Vau's voice was quiet. Deadly. "She chose not to tell me not knowing how I'd react to the fact that she was foolish enough to get pregnant when neither of us had spoken vows to each other or even discussed future plans. We had a moment-years ago-when we thought maybe. Neither of us was ready. It was a relief to both of us that it didn't come to fruition. And, apparently, something we both ended up wanting but didn't tell the other one. A list of things we never said we felt. Commitment didn't come easily to us."

"Osik," Skirata pronounced. "You've been each other's and no one else's for nearly fifteen years. What could you possibly need to say?"

"She's never been with anyone else?" Vau asked. "All the young men around, all the things the two of you leave me out of, and she's never once sampled what's to offer?"

Skirata lifted his brows. "Flesh is cheap and easy to find. How much do you indulge?"

Jusik and Gilamar commed and interrupted the discussion. They, too, were feeling good and were pleased to report progress. Kom'rk, too, when he joined the conversation.

"Newsflash, verde," Skirata announced. "Ad'ra Adenn had a baby three years ago. And kept it a secret."

There was nothing as their stunned comrades took that in.

"Vau's the proud papa. She just told him. Apparently she was afraid of his reaction. Why I don't know. And why now seemed like a good time to get it I can't even dream."

"Did we not just go through this with Darman and Etain?" Gilamar cursed. "And for the love of all things holy and good-do the two of you just not know how protection works!?"

Kom'rk seemed stunned. "Ad'ra?! Ad'ra Adenn? She's what, half your age? What the kriff are you thinking?"

Skirata shrugged when Vau just sat there and seethed. "Just keeping you in the loop."

Jusik nodded sagely. "It's a good match," he said. "Something you can be proud of if you're brave enough to tell her you love her."

The snarl seemed more pained than painful. "She hid this from me, jetti. I'm not some overgrown teenager. She did this."

"Merciless," Gil said softly. "I'm sorry, Walon. I spoke out of turn. I should have offered you sympathy and congratulations. But know this, too. If she kept this from you she did so out of fear. Not of your wrath but for her heart. She's a tender little thing for all her learned savagery. I'd suggest you think carefully how you're going to handle this."

.

Vau thought. He still didn't have an answer when Ad'ra got to the barracks. She walked-as casually as she could-into a briefing with the lads involved. Vau glanced up as her scent filled his nostrils.

"Give us the room for a minute, lads," he said quietly. He didn't bother to get up and simply shuffled flimsis from one stack to another while she bent to pet Mird.

The units involved scraped and shuffled and filed out the door. Then he got to his feet and regarded her silently for a long moment.

Before he hit his knees in front of her and bowed his head.

"Ni cete, cyar'ika. Ad'ika…ni cete!" The words caught in his throat and had to squeeze past the lump. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled. Sorry I ever doubted you or made you doubt me. I would be honored to share your children. My reaction was-my reaction was why you thought you needed to keep this from me in the first place. I-"

That was as far as he made it before Ad'ra's gasping breath released in tears. "It wasn't your fault, Vau." She hit her knees in front of him and cradled his face in her hands. "It was me being afraid. I'm so ashamed. I'm sorry for every minute I had with Tracyn that I kept from you. I'll always look back and know how wrong I was...I just-"

Vau reached up and stopped her words with his fingertips. "Cin vhetin," he murmured. "A fresh field of snow. Yes?"

His woman nodded, grasping at the life preserver being thrown. "Yes. Yes. Can you really?"

Vau's hand strayed to her abdomen. She was still in her Mandalorian iron. The armor had a few new runes on it. A dark brown marking trailed up her right side-broken lines like some wintering bush.

"He is well," Ad'ra assured him. "I take very good care of your children, Walon Vau."

"You'll name Tracyn as adenn next, yes?" he asked.

She nodded. "Unless he doesn't want it."

"But you think to raise him for it?"

"I do."

"Then this one and his brother I claim for the Vau family line. He'll take my name and make it a good one. Something with pride. Something to be respected."

Ad'ra waited silently until he met her eyes. "You did that," she told him. "You're not your father. Or your mother. You have not their cruelty nor their maddness and you are venerable and worthy of both love and respect."

"But you fear me?"

"As all should."

"I love you," he whispered, ducking his face to press a kiss to her palm.

She responded immediately. "Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum."

"We go from here?"

Ad'ra nodded. "We go from here. Talk to me, Vau. Okay? Tell me what you're thinking and doing and dreaming. I hate disappointing you."

"I want no more secrets from you," he responded. "I can't live with them. They'll haunt us."

"No more secrets," she promised.

He met her lips with his and whispered his deepest fear. "Were they right? The ones who said I was too old. Did they know the truth of it?"

"You can keep up with any of your boys. You're in better shape physically and mentally than most sentients with half your miles. I'm confident that you'll do okay."

His face was still sad. Mournful. His words reminded her of their earliest arguments. "I'm so much older. Twice your age. I'll saddle you with a family and then leave you with half-grown sons to support and care for."

"Or I could lose you tonight in a speeder accident," she reminded him. "You could trip and fall off a balcony or slide on the floor and break your skull. I'd rather get what I can and leave the rest for tomorrow's worrying."

Vau mouthed open her lips and sank in. Her whimper elicited an answering moan and he found his hands in her hair, running down her back and arms, and tugging her closer. Her hands were just as eager, just as desperate.