Most readers were supportive of my decision to kill off Queen C, and some were extremely upset, thinking I ruined the story, which I found odd as she wasn't a central part of the story even though I LOVE her character. This story has a pretty strong following, so I was wanting to do a sequel for season 4 or their post high school life. I will wrap this up in two more chapters since I killed off the mayor early. There was no way to top what Whedon did at the end of season 3, so I didn't try to, choosing to just have Clint take him out. It was anti-climactic, but that's why I focused the action on the other threat. Most of you liked it, and I really appreciate those of you that took time to review. Thanks a bunch!
This chapter is written a bit differently as I focused the scenes specifically on various characters' point-of-view only. I thought it would be a good way to process how each character responded to Cordelia's death. I will go through the ones that are closest to her toward the end or affected the most by her death, so this will be an emotional chapter. It has taken me a bit to write it. Those of you are worried about poor Fred—don't worry. I will see what I can do about her in the next story as we will be bringing the X-Men into the story.
Warning: This chapter is rated T for some unusual foul language that I don't normally write, but people are upset. It also may contain triggers for anyone who has recently suffered the loss of a loved one. This chapter is insanely long, but I could not end it until I got through every character.
Chapter 31: The Cruelest Goodbye
*****Clint*****
It was hard to believe less than twenty-four hours had passed since Cordelia Chase had died in battle.
When Clint shared with the mayor what had happened, the police were told a visiting gang banger had attacked the group as they left the Bronze, a normal weekend activity for teenagers in the town. Clint had been at the diner across the street and heard screams, ran to lend aid. They were happy to report the murderer had been killed by the deputy mayor. The police chief knew about the vampires in town, so he was okay with the fact that there was not a body. However, Finch felt the people needed to know Kev Kakistos, leader of a Russian motorcycle gang, was dead. They made up the first name to give the people in Sunnydale the idea of safety and security. Clint didn't disagree since the magic of Wilkins would no longer keep the populace stupid. The town's front-page paper had Clint's service record in the military and mentioned the fact that after the previous mayor was assassinated, he always carried a weapon on him. Buffy and her friends were not even mentioned by name in the paper, which was good for all of them. Of course, Clint hated the attention. Luckily, he convinced the paper, a picture of Cordelia as Homecoming Queen was a much better tribute than a picture of him. No one cared that she was crowned co-homecoming queen with Willow, and it was not something Willow was going to quibble about at this point. Thus far, Clint had managed to keep his photo off the pages of the paper thanks to Finch's influence.
Now he was on a video conference call with Fury, filling him in on the tragic event. He didn't have it in him to call him the night before as he knew as the both the adult as seasoned veteran, her death was ultimately his fault.
"You really fucked this up," Fury said, shaking his head. "I don't understand how three of my top agents, you, Romanoff, and Coulson, can get so fucked up by a group of teenagers. Coulson's so twisted up with the slayer's mother, he's thinking of quitting SHIELD. My top female spy got beat unconscious by a teenager, and you let another teenager get her neck broken right in front of you! Why did you go in at night? Did I not read that sunlight is their weakness? If the fucking vampire was so strong that two arrows to the heart didn't put the son of a bitch down, why didn't you expose him to direct sunlight? Or hell, burn the building down? Why risk civilians at all?"
Clint had the same discussion with Tony the night before except Tony had brought up a few of his weapons that could've been used. "Slayers fight. They don't ever take the easy way," Clint informed him. "It wouldn't even occur to them to do it that way."
"Well, it should've occurred to you," Fury pointed out.
Clint winced; he knew that was true. "Here's the thing, sir, it wasn't my show. I may be the adult, but I'm not the slayer. Nor am I her watcher. Ultimately, it's Buffy's call. She doesn't want her friends to fight directly, but they won't be kept out. They've been training. Nat was actually the one who was training Cordelia, which is why she felt so confident to step in Faith's spot when the beast knocked the slayer across the room," Clint said. "It was the bravest thing I have ever seen, sir. You can't imagine it. I'm talking the ugliest, biggest vamp there probably is, who didn't die when my arrow hit him in the heart two different times. Faith and Buffy both were fighting him, and he hit Faith so hard that she went flying. Then Buffy dropped her sword. Cordelia, this spoiled, beautiful princess of a girl—just turned eighteen—had a smile that would light up a room. She has no super strength or magic powers. She is like me except without the years of training. From what I have been told, she has only been actively involved for a year. That's the extent of her experience, so I am still blown away by her heroism. When Faith was knocked out, she didn't hesitate to jump in Faith's spot and stab the vampire with her sword. She was a hero, and the world will never know what she did."
Fury was silent. Clint knew that he hated situations he couldn't control, but the hellmouth was not a place you could control. It was literally the mouth of hell.
"You know Buffy told her mother that she's standing on the mouth of hell, and it is trying to swallow her whole," Clint shared. "That's the reality. I've only been here a short time, and, damn, it's just too much. Whatever system that calls these girls to fight monsters, it is just so wrong. We're fighting literal monsters from nightmares, sir. Grown men would run, and these kids stand firm and go back night after night."
He shook his head in disgust as he tried to express what he felt to his boss who wasn't there and couldn't really understand. "She killed the man she loved last May to save the world, and someone—some higher power brought him back. Before they could figure out why, Nat killed him," he said. "Then she is gunned down on the way to a school dance because she is just a teenage girl who should be allowed to go to dances and kiss a boy. We have Faith, the second slayer, because Buffy has already died once keeping the hellmouth closed. Faith took a bullet for her because she didn't hesitate to jump in front of her sister slayer. That's how these kids are, Fury. I can't control what they do. The hellmouth can't be controlled—not by me, not by Tony Stark, and not by you!"
It took everything he had not to hang up on his boss, but he didn't.
Finally, Fury spoke. "I hate it. I hate that town. We have an alien now in New Mexico. I wanted to send Coulson in to deal with it, but I can't because he refuses to leave the hellmouth. Clearly, the town needs more agents in the police force. Maybe the Calvary should be placed there. She won't get distracted by sentiment," Fury said.
"I thought she was no longer on active duty?" Clint asked.
"She's not, but she's always had a fondness for Coulson," Fury said. "And I think she can do for Faith and Buffy what Romanoff was doing."
"How will you send her in?" Clint inquired.
"What do you suggest?" he asked.
"They respect the fact that I was a straight shooter from the start, especially Buffy," he said. "Coulson has had some issues with his lies. When Nat's comes out, I hate to think what will happen. I suggest you simply bring her in as another agent with skills to help. Once they see what she can bring to the table, they'll use her. Rupert will appreciate another woman with skills to help as he's outnumbered, and they don't particularly like Faith's watcher."
"Well, then, I will contact May," he said. "See if I can get her interested in taking a trip to hell." With a final smirk, he disconnected the call.
Clint felt exhausted and made another call.
"Hey," he said.
"Are you okay?" his wife asked.
"Relatively speaking," he replied.
"Do you want me to come? I can get my parents to watch the kids," Laura replied.
He loved his wife and wanted nothing more than to hold her tightly right now, but he never ever wanted her anywhere near this town. "No, I don't want you to come anywhere near this place. The dead literally rise out of their graves, Laura. Teenagers patrol the graveyards every night before they go to bed, protecting the citizens of this place, and still there are missing kids. We lost one of our own last night when we shouldn't have. I screwed up. I knew the plan wasn't the best, but I didn't want to alienate the slayers. I kept my mouth shut, and Cordelia is dead. Her boyfriend might turn into a werewolf in a few days, and he's a wreck."
"I really wish that you'd let me be there for you," she said.
"You are here for me," he assured her. "I wouldn't risk you for anything, babe. Just being able to talk to you is enough. I'm flying out for the holiday. We'll be together soon."
They spoke a few more minutes before he said goodbye. When he went to sleep, the sightless eyes of Cordelia Chase haunted his dreams.
*****Wesley*****
This was exactly why the Council did not want civilians fighting with the slayers. He knew, though, there was no point in saying it now. The shock of Cordelia's death left them all reeling. When Faith came into the house and told him, he looked up, assuming it was a crass American joke.
"Queen C is dead," Faith said, looking a bit wild.
"That's not funny," Wesley replied.
"I'm not joking. I wish to God that I was," Faith said, throwing herself down on the sofa. "I got knocked out, and she took my place in front of Kakistos. She got him in the stomach with her sword, and he got pissed. Picked her up and broke her neck. I came to and saw her dead next to me. There she was—just staring up at me. Eyes open but no one was home. It was one of the worst moments of my life, including the time B and I were gunned down."
"Oh, dear," Wesely said, feeling sick as he pictured the scene.
"I was too crappy at my job, Wes! If I had been better at it, she'd still be alive! I let the mother fucker get the best of me, and now Cordy is dead!" Faith exclaimed, kicking over the coffee table.
Wesley debated what to say because he knew if he said the wrong thing here, he could lose her. Rupert had already done tremendous damage with his own slayer, and he knew ultimately Buffy would feel even more responsible than Faith, especially after losing her vampire boyfriend at Rupert's hand. Cordelia was more her friend than Faith's as she was dating Buffy's best friend.
"Faith, Cordelia was very brave and chose to fight," he said. "You cannot blame yourself for that as it lessens her sacrifice. Buffy will need you more now than ever as she, too, will take this as her fault, not yours, especially if it was she that was next to Cordelia when the death occurred."
"I hadn't considered that," Faith said, grimacing. "You're probably right. She looked very bad. And poor Xan was devastated."
"Things are going to be really awful for a long while," he said. "The next few months, they will look to you to step up and lead because I don't foresee Buffy being in the right head space."
Faith nodded. Then she got up and went to her room. Wesley walked over to the mantle and looked at the picture the kids had placed there. Cordelia was smiling widely at the camera with Xander's arms wrapped around her. Buffy, Willow and Oz were in the picture next to them. They looked so carefree and happy when they were probably the least carefree group of teenagers in America. The poor brave kids. Damn Rupert for letting his slayer ignore all the rules.
The hellmouth had taken another victim. Like Kendra, though, Cordelia had died fighting the good fight. Wesley would memorialize her the only way he knew how—in his journals. He slowly walked toward his workstation.
*****Joyce*****
Joyce was trying to balance the books in her shop when Buffy came in.
"Hey. Did you get the toast vamp?" Joyce asked with a teasing smile as she used the name Buffy used for the ancient vampire.
When Buffy started to cry, Joyce grew alarmed and closed her book. "Honey, what happened?"
"Cordelia is dead," Buffy sobbed.
Joyce stood up and went to Buffy, unable to believe her words. "What?" she asked, wrapping her arms around Buffy and leading her to the couch.
It took Joyce several minutes to get the story from Buffy.
"It was so stupid!" Buffy told her. "I should've pushed her back when she stepped in Faith's spot. I knew how dangerous he was. Barton had shot him with two arrows in the heart, and he didn't die! He knocked Faith several feet away with one blow. Then I dropped my sword when he hit me. God, he was so strong! She's dead, Mom! Cordy is dead!" The last word was said in a wail. Joyce had never seen her daughter like this. She was nearly hysterical. Her daughter was always so strong. On one hand, it was good that her daughter was showing her what she was really feeling because sometimes Joyce hated the wall of strength she sometimes wore like a blanket. At the same time, seeing her incredibly strong daughter falling apart was upsetting, and Joyce felt her own eyes fill with tears.
Her heart broke for her daughter and for Xander, who loved that girl so much. She, too, had liked Cordelia as she had spent more time at Joyce's art gallery than any of Buffy's friends. Cordelia loved art, and so did her mother. The two loved to come by and check out the newest works to see what they might add to their collection or to recommend to friends. Joyce actually believed part of her store's success was due to the Chase family. The girl had a great eye for talent and what looked good.
"I can't believe she's gone," Joyce said.
"It's my fault. She was my responsibility," Buffy said, looking at her with shattered eyes. Her pain pierced Joyce's heart, and she would've given anything to take it away. Killing Angel, getting shot, losing Angel all over again, and now this—it was too much for anyone to handle. At what point would her daughter shatter? Fear for her filled Joyce.
Joyce put both her hands on Buffy's shoulders. "You are not God. You are not all powerful, Buffy. Cordelia chose to fight, and she wanted to be there with you," Joyce said. "She knew the risks, and she was willing to take the risk."
"What if it was Willow? I liked Cordy, but I didn't love her. Not like I do Willow," Buffy confessed. "I feel awful for saying it, but I don't know what I'd do if Willow died fighting my fight. Or if Xander did. I don't think I would survive their loss, Mom. It would break me if they died on this hellmouth. It's my fight. It's mine! It's Faith's. It's not theirs."
"Well, you will need to discuss that with them," Joyce said. "But probably wait until after the funeral. Emotions are high right now."
Buffy nodded and accepted the tissue her mother gave her. Then she let Joyce hold her for a long moment.
Neither wanted to be alone.
*****Pepper and Tony****
Pepper was on her laptop in the bed while Tony was on his tablet when Willow used her phone to video call her mother.
"Who's calling this late?" Tony asked.
"It's Willow," Pepper said.
"Put it on the laptop," he told her.
He clicked the button for her to move the call to the screen, so he could say hi to the girl he considered his stepdaughter.
Willow's shattered face, however, alarmed both of them. "Mom, Cordelia is dead!" she informed them, her eyes leaking tears. They could see Oz next to her.
"What? How?" Pepper asked.
Tony moved out of the video and told JARVIS, "Get the jet ready. We're leaving to go to Sunnydale immediately. Let Happy know. Cancel all appointments for the next forty-eight hours."
"We were fighting Kakistos, and he was just so strong," Willow said. "The Deputy Mayor, Clint, who's really a SHIELD agent, was there fighting with us. He even shot him twice in the heart with an arrow, but he just wouldn't die! When he knocked Faith down, Cordy just jumped in her spot next to Buffy to fight with the sword that Nat had been training her with. She was so brave while I was so scared. I should've learned more magic, so I could've been more helpful, and then Cordy would still be alive! He just broke her neck like he couldn't be bothered to even bite her. Then he tossed her aside like she was trash. Xander is so mad that Buffy killed him too fast, and Cordy's dead!" She broke down crying at this point, and Oz took the phone.
"Are you coming?" he asked, looking sad but dry eyed.
"Of course. We'll be there by morning," Pepper assured him.
He nodded, looking relieved.
"Did you call Giles?" Tony asked, getting back in camera view.
"The Deputy Mayor did," Oz replied. "He and the mayor came up with a cover story. Russian gang came to town and attacked Cordelia and Xander on a date. Willow and I were behind them as we all left the Bronze together. Barton heard her scream as he was coming out the diner across the street, and he killed the guy. But he'd already broken Cordy's neck." Pepper didn't think she had ever heard Oz say so many words at once. The fact that he was stepping in for Willow now warmed her heart. She was glad that her daughter had someone like him in her life, especially at a time like this when Pepper was so far away.
"So they want to have a murder solved?" Tony stated.
Oz nodded. "Yes. Cordelia is too popular, and this is too soon after Mayor Wilkin's death," he explained.
"Makes sense," Tony said. "You too be careful going home. Stay with Willow tonight."
"Was planning to."
"Tell Willow we love her," Pepper added.
The call ended, and Tony held his girlfriend as she cried. Neither could believe that the teenager they both had come to love was dead.
"I should've moved to Sunnydale," Tony muttered. "I knew how dangerous that damn town was. Training them only gave them the idea that they were strong enough to take on damn monsters. What the hell was I thinking?"
"She was so confident, Tony," Pepper said. "She had so much passion and energy. Everyone sees you and rarely me. Cordelia told me that she wanted to be me when she grew up. Now she won't get the chance." Tony handed her a tissue as the tears ran down her cheeks. His own eyes were wet as he remembered the brassy girl, and how well she could bust his balls, always amusing the hell out of him every time she opened her mouth.
"I am really going to miss her," Tony admitted. "I wished that I had a son just so he could marry her. I kept imagining what her kind of charisma and my DNA would produce. They would take over the world."
Pepper smiled and shook her head. "Only you, Tony," she said.
He pushed aside his grief and embraced the rage, dialing Rupert and Barton at the same time.
"Hello," Rupert answered.
"Hold on, I'm patching Barton in," Tony said. He put them both on his computer in a split screen.
"Hello," Barton said. "I don't have time, Tony. I'm dealing with the police still."
"Well, you both will damn well explain why did you let those kids go in to face such a monster unprepared? They didn't have one of my advanced weapons I have supplied them with! Hell, they didn't even go in at daylight when they'd have the advantage of the freakin' sun! What the hell were you thinking, Rupert, to let them? Barton, you're an Agent of SHIELD, surely, you knew they were going in halfcocked like aways!" Tony raged. It felt good to yell. So much better than the weight of the grief that was threatening to suffocate him just a short time ago.
"Tony," Pepper admonished. He waved her away.
"They had Buffy, and they had Barton," Rupert said. "They had already killed most of his support team, and Buffy felt more than ready. She has taken out three Master vampires all by herself, Tony—The Master, Angelus, and Lothos. The Master was much older and stronger than Kakistos."
"And he killed her before she finally defeated him," Tony reminded him.
"Yes, well, she managed to with the help of her friends overcome him," Rupert said. "This time, she had not just her friends but another slayer as well as several friends as well as a trained soldier. I had every reason to believe she could prevail, and she did. Unfortunately, we are fighting a war, and casualties will happen."
"I am going to kick your ass for saying that!" Tony raged. "Cordelia wasn't just a casualty. She was a young girl. An amazing, brilliant young girl!"
A flash of anger showed in Rupert's eyes. For a moment, Tony saw a glimmer of why he went by Ripper when he was younger. Then he was pure ice. "I am aware," he said coldly. "Unlike you, I have known her for nearly three years. She spent much more time with me in my library than anyone besides Willow. I assure you, I feel her loss deeply." He disconnected the call.
"It was a cluster fuck," Barton acknowledged. "It was a damn tragedy, but the girl was so damn brave. If you had seen it—I'll never forget it as long as I live. Faith got knocked out, and she just jumped in Faith's spot next to me and stabbed that ugly monster. He was the biggest vamp I've ever seen. The kids said he was the biggest they'd ever fought. I shot him twice in the heart, and he didn't die. He was a tough son-of-a-bitch. Her death, though, was quick and painless. That's the only comfort we have. He didn't bite her but broke her neck."
"I guess that is something," Tony acknowledged.
"I gotta go. See you when you get here," Barton told him.
Tony stared at the screen a long moment before tossing the phone down. He glanced at Pepper, who looked as shattered as he felt. When she collapsed against him, he wrapped his arms around her.
It was a messed-up world when teenage girls were the ones fighting the devils while the men slept safe in their beds.
*****Giles*****
Giles knew Tony was lashing out because he felt the same helpless rage that Giles felt at Cordelia's death. It should not have happened. Ultimately, the fault did lie with Giles. He was failing his slayer in every way. First with Angel and now this. There was no way he could ever make up either with her.
She would probably be better off without him.
For the first time, Giles considered leaving and resigning his position as her watcher. However, her father had all but stopped calling her. He had been out of the country last summer, so Buffy had not spent any time with him. Giles also craved her forgiveness, and he knew that if he left, he would never receive it. Buffy was going to graduate high school. It was entirely possible that she may decide to leave the hell mouth. He may no longer be her watcher once she reached eighteen—he was loathed to even think about the horrid test the Council would have him put her through as her eighteenth birthday approached. It wasn't something he could see doing—not with everything she had been through already. The test was barbaric anyway. He would just mention it to Tony and let Tony deal with the Council and their traditions.
He looked at the library doors and could almost see Cordelia walk through them. Her smile was normally the first bright thing he saw every single day as she would come in and greet him before her first hour class began each morning. Many mornings, she would bring him a hot tea that she would have her housekeeper prepare for him. It was always perfectly brewed with just a bit of honey and milk. Although she appeared spoiled and thoughtless to the others, she was the only one who knew how he took his tea.
"My dear girl," Giles muttered. He walked over to the table that she always sat in doing research with him and Willow. The girl was very bright and although she complained a lot, would spend hours reading obscure texts with him. She would've made a hell of a Watcher. He pictured her there, bickering with Xander while Willow rolled her eyes, and Oz looked amused.
Giles knew had not just failed Buffy, but he had failed Cordelia.
The knowledge of that devastated him, and the grief overwhelmed him as he left the library.
His lonely apartment never seemed so empty.
*****Faith*****
It had been two days since Queen C had died, and Faith still couldn't believe it. It seemed like they were invincible most days. Sure, she and B had gotten shot. Buffy was paralyzed for a bit, and Faith hurt for a few days, but they rallied. They were back to normal. Just a short time later, though, Angel was dead again by Buffy's own Watcher, and then Cordy was killed in Faith's place. It was just all kinds of messed up, and Faith just didn't know what to do.
Luckily, Tony and Willow's awesome mom came the very next day. They, of course, had the master room in the mansion because Tony had bought and remodeled the place. Faith didn't begrudge that guy his own space, especially since he kept the place stocked up with the most amazing food and snacks.
Although Faith had not known Cordelia nearly as long as everyone else, she felt real loss at the girl's death because Cordelia had been her friend. Out of everyone, Faith liked her the most. She had welcomed Faith from her very first day with genuine warmth by inviting her to her birthday party, introduced her to her other friends, who in turn always invited her to parties. Faith spent more time with Cordelia and her other friends than she did with Buffy and Willow outside of slayer-related activities. It would probably surprise them to discover that fact.
It was eating Faith up that Cordelia had stepped in her spot, and she had gotten herself knocked out. If she had been a better slayer, Queen C would still be alive. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought, and she wiped them. She never cried, and it pissed her off that she cried three times in the past two days.
Pepper came into the kitchen where Faith currently was at. She quickly wiped her eyes again and picked up the sandwich that she'd just made.
"Hey," Pepper said.
"Hey," Faith replied.
Pepper went to the large fridge and got out a cold soda. "They're going to have the funeral on Wednesday since Thanksgiving is Thursday, so that's just two more days. It's a bit fast," Pepper said.
"I can't imagine having Thanksgiving," Faith said. "I don't feel very thankful. Cordelia was my only friend, and I got her killed."
Pepper looked shocked at her confession, and she cursed herself for being so open. What got into her?
"You don't think Buffy and the others are your friends?" Pepper asked, surprised.
"Well, Buffy's like a sister slayer," Faith said. "We train together. I'd die for her, and she has my back. But we don't hang out. Cordelia is the only one that ever wanted to spend time with me. She and Xander. He might be my friend, but it's hard to tell. Guys are just nice cause their girlfriend makes them and 'cause I'm hot. Cordy introduced me to her other friends, and I get invited to their parties and stuff. They're cool. Willow doesn't really like me—no offense."
Pepper smiled. "None taken. Not everyone who works together has to be friends," she said. "I work with a lot of people that I don't like. A lot of people don't like Tony who work for us."
"Really? But he's the coolest," Faith said surprised.
"He's got the attention span of a teenager and runs a billion-dollar company that he made me CEO of because he couldn't be bothered to give it all of his attention," Pepper said, smiling. "He also doesn't suffer fools and is quick to insult others."
Faith grinned. Pepper had to be the coolest CEO on the planet. Willow was the luckiest girl Faith knew.
"You didn't get Cordelia killed," Pepper told her. "The hellmouth did that. Fate or whatever else you want to call it did the rest. She was determined to fight and wanted to fight. When you got hurt and Buffy dropped her sword, she picked it up. I'm sure Buffy is thinking the exact same thing you are, and I'll tell her the same thing. Cordelia made her own choices, and she died a hero. Survivor's guilt is a normal thing to feel, but I don't want you to really believe it was your fault. Her parents chose to live in this town. We may as well blame them. Blame gravity for causing the sword to fall out of Buffy's hand the first time!"
"That's ridiculous," Faith stated.
"I know," Pepper said, smiling. "I'm just saying that Cordelia sacrificed her life for the fight. Her school friends don't know that about her, but you do. Xander and Willow do. We got to know how amazing she really was, so we can celebrate that. Remember who she really was. Honor that memory by saving the next Cordelia that might be out there."
Faith nodded. "You're right," she said, feeling comforted at the thought. She ate the rest of her sandwich and stood up. "Willow is really lucky to have a mom like you. I hope she knows that." She couldn't help but squeeze Pepper's hand before going to her room. It made her feel a little embarrassed at the unusual affection, but it was nice. Pepper was one classy lady because Faith didn't feel judged in any way.
She picked up the one photo she had in the room. On one side was her and Buffy in their homecoming dresses before they left to go to the dance. The other picture was taken at Harmony's house. It was of her, Cordelia and Xander. He was in the middle of both of them, looking very happy with his arms around both of them. Cordelia was smiling up at him while Faith was grinning at the camara. Thinking of how Xander was probably feeling made her eyes fill with tears once again.
Both of them now had a Cordelia-size hole in their lives. For him, though, it would be much worse.
*****Oz*****
It was difficult for Oz to keep his calm the hours and days after Cordelia's death. He and Cordelia were friends. They weren't close confidantes, but she was one of the few people Oz allowed close to him. He was one of the only people that was never on the receiving end of her scathing tongue. Once when Xander complained about that fact, she'd looked at Oz with her critical eye and shrugged.
"What can I say? He's cool. You know it. I know it. The entire school knows it. There's nothing to mock," she pointed out.
Then Xander had sighed and said, "I know."
She had briefly dated Devon, his band's lead singer, so Oz knew her before he had known Willow as a romantic interest. It was unfathomable that she was just one.
Willow was struggling with her complicated feelings toward Cordelia mixed with her grief.
They had just finished telling Pepper and Tony. "I'm glad they're coming," Willow said. "I always feel better when they're here."
"Me, too," Oz acknowledged. Pepper had a soothing way about her that his wolf loved. Tony was too immature to feel like an alpha, so his wolf still felt the most connected to Buffy. However, Tony challenged him in ways no one but Willow did. He could even talk to him about music; Oz was teaching him to play the guitar. That was just the way Tony was. He wanted to know everything everyone else knew. His mind was insatiable.
"Do you think Cordy's dead because of all the times I wished she was?" Willow asked. Then she looked around, afraid someone might've heard her confession. "I'm a bad person."
Oz put his arm around his shoulder, hugging him to him. "Even Xander felt that way a time or two. She was queen of the mean girls," Oz said. "You were her favorite target. You wished it in your head. You didn't speak it aloud or place a hex on her. You are not a bad person. No, you in no way caused this. Cordelia was fighting the good fight because she changed more than anyone we know."
"She really did," Willow said softly, tears running down her face.
Oz stayed with her and held her all night long. He didn't get much sleep because every time he closed his eyes, he saw her picked up by the ugliest vampire they'd ever fought. At first, Oz believed that Buffy was going to jump in time to save her. Buffy always saved everyone.
This time Buffy didn't react fast enough. Then Kakistos broke her neck and threw her next to Faith. Oz could not get the sight of Cordelia's vacant eyes out of his head. The horrible vision would haunt him for the rest of his life. He felt so impotent and angry that his wolf was pushing at him.
Willow needed him to keep it together, so he would.
When her parents arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief.
He loved Willow with everything in him, but he needed some time to process his own emotions away from her.
"Where is she?" Pepper asked.
"Still in her room," Oz replied. It was not quite six. "I don't think we're going to make it to school. Xander needs her, so she's going to go be with him."
"That's good. You guys should stay home. I'll call the school and speak with the principal," she said.
"Thanks," Oz said.
She hugged him quickly before running up to see her daughter.
Tony gave him a critical look. "Are you okay?" Tony asked.
"I just saw my friend get her neck broken by a monster and tossed a side like she was a broken toy," Oz said. "I don't know how I will ever erase the image of her dead with her eyes open looking out at us. None of us saved her in time. We all failed her."
"The whole damn world failed her," Tony said. "I definitely failed her—failed all of you. None of you should be fighting monsters. You should be out having fun or getting into trouble. Thinking about college. Instead, you have to worry about not accidentally scratching or biting anyone. Xander was worried about turning into a werewolf, but now he's got this new nightmare to deal with. I am so damn sorry, Oz."
The real turmoil, guilt, and compassion in Tony's eyes somehow made the wall of stoicism Oz had been holding onto break, and he just crumbled. Although he had held Willow while she cried, his eyes had remained dry as it had all seemed unreal. Now, though, the tears finally came.
Tony pulled him into a hug, his own eyes wet.
"I'm so sorry, kid," Tony murmured as he held him.
How were they going to face Xander? Go to school without Cordelia? Graduate without her?
It all just seemed so very wrong.
*****Willow*****
When Willow came downstairs and saw Tony hugging Oz, she stopped on the bottom of her stairs. She sat down to observe the scene.
"Oz is crying," she said to Pepper, alarmed. "Oz never cries."
"I'm sure Tony was talking to him, and he felt safe to," Pepper said, sitting down next to her.
Willow had never felt so terrible. Her one-time nemesis was dead, and she genuinely felt sick with real grief over it. However, she also felt guilty that she had harbored bad feelings about Cordy back when she wasn't dating her oldest friend. The thought that she had wished Cordelia's death into happening was there in her mind, and she couldn't shake it. She had read about vengeance demons.
Maybe this was her unspoken wish from years ago finally coming true.
Demons were evil, and maybe they were finally making her wish come true right when she totally didn't want it to come to fruition.
"Poor Cordy," she murmured.
"What was that?" Pepper asked.
"I just can't believe this is real," she said.
"It's hard to lose a friend," Pepper remarked. "I had a friend commit suicide when I was a sophomore in high school. She hung herself from the canopy she had above her bed. I didn't even know she was depressed."
"God," Willow remarked, feeling awful at that thought. "That's horrible."
Pepper nodded. "It was. Death always is, but suicide is the worst because she was in pain and no one noticed enough to do anything about it," Pepper said. "At least you know that Cordelia died fighting. Her death was quick, and she didn't suffer. We don't always know that when someone dies."
Willow knew that was true. "You're right," she said. She leaned into her mother, so very glad that she was in her life. "Thank you for coming."
"I will always come, Willow, when you need me," Pepper said. "I'm and happy that I get to be here for you."
"Me, too," Willow said. "I'm going to go to Xander. I think I'll go out through the kitchen and not disturb Oz. He so rarely shows his emotions. It kind of hurts that he won't cry with me, but I'm glad he's not bottling it in."
"He's a teenager, Will. No matter how brilliant and cool Oz might be, he still wants to be strong for the girl he loves," Pepper said, smiling at her.
Willow nodded. "I guess that's not so bad," she said. "I'll go out the back to Xander's."
She slipped out and made it to Xander's. His mother answered the door, a look of relief on her face.
"I'm really glad to see you," Jessica Harris said. "I just can't believe that beautiful girl was murdered. Xander is destroyed. First, you both lost Jesse, and I never thought such ugliness would hit Cordelia. It's just so wrong." She wiped her eyes, and Willow hugged her.
With a heavy heart, she walked up to Xander's room, remembering all the times she had done so with and without Jesse. Man, did she miss him now. He'd had such a crush on Cordelia, and Xander and Willow used to give him such a hard time about it. Yet he would never waver from his devotion.
When she made it into Xander's room, Xander gave her a curious look, his eyes dry. "What are you smiling about?" he asked.
Willow felt a pang of guilt. "God, Xander, I'm sorry!" she exclaimed.
"Hey, it's me," he said. "You never have to apologize for smiling."
Willow sat down on the bed next to him and hugged him a long moment. "I am so sorry, Xander. I just can't believe this has happened," she said.
"Me either," he said hollowly. "So what were you smiling about?"
"Your mom mentioned Jesse being gone and now Cordelia, and I was thinking of how many times he and I went down the hall to your room together," she said. "Then I was thinking how much he crushed on Cordelia, and how we hated it. We would give him such a hard time, but he never wavered in his devotion."
Xander grinned. "God, I almost forgot about that," he admitted. "I felt guilty when we first kissed. It was a while before the feeling left."
"At least they're together now," Willow said.
"Does that mean he gets the girl?" Xander wondered.
"Would that bother you?" Willow asked.
"That they'd have each other in the afterlife?" Xander replied, shaking his head. "No, but I doubt Cordy would notice him. She has a one dweeb policy—she told me."
Willow laughed at that. "I can totally hear her saying that," she told him.
They sat in silence a long moment, her head on his should.
Finally, he said, "Why did she have to be so damn brave? Who the hell did she think she was? I am so angry with her!"
Willow looked up at him in surprise. "She was Cordelia Chase, Xander. I have never seen her back down from anyone ever," Willow said. "She knew how to fight and wanted to."
"You know when we had sex for the first time on her eighteenth birthday, so told me that she wanted me to be her first because she loved me and knew that I loved her," Xander shared.
"That's really sweet, Xander," Willow said, smile. "It's great that you have memories like that."
"She also said that she didn't know if we'd be together forever because she grew up in this hellhole. She knew how short life could be," Xander shared. "I wonder if she had a feeling that she might die."
"She probably was just playing the odds because she knew how dangerous Sunnydale could be," Willow said. "Cordelia wasn't overly private. If she had a bad dream or premonition, she would have said something. She was just pragmatic."
Xander nodded. "You're right," he agreed. He was silent for a long moment. Then he looked up at her, no longer angry. "Why did she leave me?" His voice broke on the last word.
"Oh, Xander, she didn't leave you. She was taken! Stolen!" Willow insisted.
Then she held him as he cried. For once, she really wished Cordelia would be the one hugging Xander right now.
*****Buffy*****
Buffy went to school two days after Cordelia died, unable to believe it was real. The stares and whispers as she, Xander, Willow, and Oz walked inside, though, reminded her that it was very real. Of course, the devastated look on Xander's eyes when he picked her up said everything. His mother wanted him to stay home, but he didn't want to.
"I just can't spend another day alone in my room, picturing her death and how I didn't do anything to save her," he said.
"It was my job to save her, Xander," Buffy told him. "I failed her. I failed you both. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Some slayer I turned out to be."
"We would both be dead a dozen times without you, Buffy," Xander said. "I would never have loved her or been loved by her if not for you. How could I blame you for her death?"
Buffy wished that he would; it would make her feel better.
Now they had to face all the questions, looks, and stares.
Harmony came up to them, tears in her eyes. "I just can't believe it, Xander!" she exclaimed, hugging him. "Cordelia was my best friend. What am I going to do without her?"
"I know, Harm. It's the most awful thing," he said.
"Did she suffer? I have to know, Xander. My mom told me that I shouldn't ask you, but I just can't help it," Harmony said, wiping her eyes. "I know the Deputy Mayor killed the creep who killed her, but I have to know. Did he hurt her?"
Buffy's eyes blazed with anger. How dare the bimbo ask such a thing? She was murdered! Of course, she suffered!
Oz, though, gave a slight head shake, sensing her rage.
"That's a really crass thing to ask, Harmony," Willow said, looking between Xander and Buffy.
"I was friends with her a lot longer than any of you," Harmony said, glaring. "You just started hanging out with her the past few years. Don't I have the right to know how her last few moments were?"
Xander nodded, putting his hand on her shoulder. "I know that you do," he said. Unlike Buffy and Willow, he did spend time with Harmony because of Cordy and knew their friendship was genuine. "This guy was a monster, Harm. The biggest and ugliest one that I've ever seen. Buffy did her thing—tried to fight him off 'cause she's a badass that way, but the guy was huge. He knocked her down and grabbed Cordy, picked her up off the ground before I could even react and broke her neck. It was so quick. I still can't believe it."
"He threw her body down before I could even get off the ground," Buffy admitted.
"It was awful," Willow added.
"So I don't really think she suffered too much," Xander said. "At least in the sense that it was quick. It was death, so you can't really know how painful that moment is until you experience it, I guess."
Harmony nodded. "Thank you," she said, hugging Xander again.
"You're welcome," Xander said. "I'm sorry that we didn't save her."
"Why? Why would he hurt her?" Harmony asked.
"Some people are just evil, Harmony," Buffy said.
The bell rang, and they went to class.
Cordelia was in three of her six classes. Mr. Coulson was one of them. "It's good to see you guys," he told them as they came in. "I am very sorry for your loss. Cordelia was an amazing young lady."
"Yes, she was," Buffy agreed.
Xander nodded. "Thanks," he said.
The other students used his words as an invitation to say the same thing. It was the first time they had done so all day. Everyone was awkward and afraid to say anything. Death was common at Sunnydale—too common. Normally, they didn't talk directly about it but spoke in whispers. Like the bad things that often kept them from coming out at night, they either didn't want to acknowledge them or only did so in barely spoken murmurs. However, Cordelia was very popular. People liked her or were jealous enough of her to talk about her death. Although the paper didn't mention her friends by name, everyone knew that Willow and Oz were with her and most likely Buffy. Some, though, thought that Buffy could not have been with her if she died since Buffy had personally saved so many of them at one time or another. The girl was weird but helpful.
At least one of the teachers forgot and called Cordelia's name during roll time. Buffy was so enraged at the woman's insensitivity that she gave her a slayer glare. "Are you really that callous or just stupid?" Buffy asked the French teacher. It was the only class she had with Cordelia that none of the others were in.
Then it dawned on the teacher what she had done, and she burst into tears and left the room. Buffy waited two minutes and went to the library to share the incident with Giles.
"I'm sure the woman feels awful, Buffy," Giles stated.
"She should," Buffy said, putting her stuff on the table and sitting down.
"How are you?" Giles asked.
Buffy shrugged. "I feel okay. I'm not looking forward to the funeral," she said.
"I doubt anyone is," he replied. "However, the funeral will allow everyone to remember the good times with her and say goodbye. Then it is easier for the healing process to begin."
"You think it's that easy?" Buffy asked.
"Of course not," Giles said. "But we have to do something. Xander is going to be a werewolf and have that to deal with on top of this. Not to mention, the holidays are coming up."
"God, Thanksgiving! I just don't even want to think about it. I'm glad we're out tomorrow for break," Buffy said. "If I didn't have two tests today, I would not have bothered to come."
"Wasn't one of them in French?" Giles asked.
Buffy nodded.
"Perhaps you better get back to class?" he suggested.
"Fine, but I want it noted that I do so under protest," she said glumly.
"So noted," he said, giving her a gentle smile.
*****The Day of the Funeral*****
Buffy and her mother had on the required black dresses for the funeral they were about to attend. Mr. Coulson was picking them up as Joyce didn't feel like driving, especially when after the funeral, they would be driving to the graveyard in the funeral procession.
She felt sick as she sipped her orange juice and tried to eat a piece of toast.
"This will be a truly awful day, Buffy, but you just have to get through it," Joyce said, reaching over to squeeze her hand.
Buffy nodded. "I have to be strong for Xander, especially since he isn't blaming me like he should," she said, a note of self-loathing in her voice.
"Buffy, you are not God. You can't save everyone," Joyce admonished her.
The doorbell rang, and Joyce got up to answer it.
Buffy put down the toast but drank the juice, figuring that would be enough to get her through the morning.
"Buffy, you have a visitor," Joyce announced.
Surprised, Buffy looked up as her mother brought the guest into the kitchen. When she saw who it was, she jumped up. "Matt! I didn't know you were coming! Why didn't you tell me!" she exclaimed, running to embrace him.
Joyce stepped away, watching the interaction between the two with interest as she had only heard about the blind law student. It made her proud that her daughter could look past a disability such as blindness, but it also made her wary. Did she truly understand the extent of such a disability?
"Well, you invited me for Thanksgiving a month ago, remember?" Matt reminded her. "I had already bought my ticket."
"Oh, crap! I totally forgot!" Buffy told him, giving her mother an embarrassed glance. She reached for Matt's hand. "Come on. We're leaving for the funeral in a few minutes." She tugged him into the living room.
Joyce stayed in the kitchen to clean up.
Buffy had called Matt and told him about Cordelia's death the day after it happened. He had been worried for her because she had suffered so much in such a short amount of time. Foggy had encouraged him to still go on the trip.
"She'll need you because you didn't really know her friend, and you won't be burdened by her grief," he had said, which made a lot of sense to Matt.
"I hope it's okay that I came," Matt said, facing her on the couch.
"Of course, it is!" Buffy assured him. "I am so excited to see you. I didn't know how I was going to get through the day or Thanksgiving. I don't know how much fun it will be for you, though, which makes me feel like the worst friend."
Matt took both of her hands in his. "I am very glad that I could be here for you, Buffy," he said. "I want you to be able to talk to me and let me help you get through this. I lost my dad, and it was the worst thing ever. I know what it's like to feel the pain of incredible loss."
Buffy felt her eyes filling with tears, and she wiped him. How could she tell him the despair she felt? The incredible suffocating guilt? The weight of her calling that felt heavier each day? Fear for her friends was a living entity growing larger every day. How could she possibly express all the emotions she was feeling?
Today, though, wasn't about her. It was about Cordelia. "I appreciate that, Matt. Today is about saying goodbye to my friend," she told him. "You'll learn a lot about her today."
The doorbell rang. It was time to go.
*****Xander*****
Today was the day. How was he supposed to say goodbye to the only woman he had ever loved besides Willow? Of course, Willow didn't complete him the way Cordy did as she was basically his sister. Cordelia had become his entire world the past year, especially the past few months since they'd started sleeping together. It really did change things. She wasn't just his girlfriend; she was his lover. That had always seemed so cliché before he knew what it meant to have a lover. Now he did, and he hated that also knew what it felt like to lose one, too.
This sucked.
"Xander, are you ready?" his mother called for him.
"Be right down," he replied. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing a black silk shirt that she had picked out with the black silk tie she paired it with. His cool factor was he was not wearing a dress jacket with his pants, but he wore the insanely expensive shoes she insisted he buy when they got some money from the Council. He grabbed the pair of Ray Ban sunglasses that she bought him for their first anniversary.
His mother hugged him while his dad gave him a somber nod. For once, no comments from the peanut gallery.
Cordelia's parents had asked him and Harmony both to speak at her funeral as they were her closest friends, and he couldn't very well refuse. Willow had helped him write down what he wanted to say, and she had even offered to stand next to him in case he couldn't get the words out.
What kind of man would he be if he couldn't do this one last thing for her?
They made it to the Episcopalian church and dutifully signed the book and looked at all the pictures of Cordelia. Although Willow and Oz had created a slide show for her parents with tons of pictures they had given her, the parents had still wanted people to have pictures of her alive and smiling. Xander had thought it was a cruel joke, but seeing the pictures of her as a baby and little kid did make him smile. He never thought he would smile today, so he was glad the parents didn't ask his opinion on the photo display.
Cordelia's parents had reserved a row behind the front where she and immediate family were sitting, seats for him, Harmony, Willow, Oz, Buffy, and Faith. Willow had been surprised that Mrs. Chase had mentioned Faith by name. However, Faith had been over to Cordelia's house more times than Willow had, but Willow didn't know that. Xander hadn't had a chance to talk to Faith, but he knew he needed to because he knew slayers. She had to be feeling all kinds of guilt since she'd been knocked out when Cordelia had been killed.
God, he hated this. His friends were already sitting down. Buffy wasn't alone. When Xander saw the shades, he smiled. The blind guy had shown up for the Buffster.
Xander really liked this guy and hoped he would go the distance. Willow and Buffy stood to give him a hug. Xander sat between Willow and Harmony, who also hugged him.
"I can't believe this is happening," Harmony said, wearing less make-up than he'd ever seen.
"I know. Me either," he said.
"Do you know what you're going to say?" she asked him.
He nodded. "Willow helped me write it last night," he said.
"Aura helped me with mine, but she didn't want to speak. She said it was too hard," Harmony shared. "It is hard, but if it was me, I know Cordy would speak."
"She definitely would," Xander agreed.
The priest walked in with the processional, and the service began. Xander had gone once to Sunday church with her, so he wasn't too surprised by the scripture reading and formality of it all. However, Willow looked fascinated while Buffy looked uncomfortable. Faith seemed bored, which amused Xander. Maybe he should have prepared them for the churchiness of the funeral.
"I didn't know Cordelia was so religious," Willow whispered.
"She wasn't particularly," Xander said. "It's just the traditional rituals of the Episcopalian church. It's a lot like the Catholic, but the priest can marry."
Finally, he began to speak about Cordelia.
"I have known Cordelia since I baptized her as a baby, and that smile of hers has lit up every room of our parish all of her eighteen years," he said.
Many people in the place nodded.
"I cannot imagine giving communion Sunday without her presence lighting up the place," he said. "We will feel her loss quite deeply. The bible says that Satan is like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. It is no wonder that he would choose to target one of his servants, a child of God, such as Cordelia. She was gifted in so many ways and destined to make a mark on this great big world, but now she is with our Lord, who welcomes her in His loving embrace where He will wipe every tear from her eyes. Let us pray."
Xander closed his eyes as the man prayed and considered the priest's words. Satan as a roaring lion was a strong image. Lions, though, were too majestic and beautiful to be close to what killed Cordelia. If they only knew. . .
"Her favorite teacher, Rupert Giles, is coming to read her obituary," he said.
How did Xander not know that? Giles was sitting at the end of their row next to Faith.
Xander listened in bemusement, and then Harmony got up to speak.
"Okay, I don't think I can get through this without crying, but I'm still going to do it," she said.
Xander never thought he would admire Harmony Kendall, but he did. She really loved Cordelia, and in that moment, Xander loved her for her loyalty and devotion to his Cordy.
"Cordelia and I met in preschool," she said. "We've been best friends since then. We did Girl Scouts together. Summer camps together. Cheerleading. I honestly don't know who I am without her or what I'm going to do without her." Her voice broke as she fought for her composure.
"I never thought I'd feel sorry for Harmony," Willow muttered.
Harmony had been mean to Willow as much as Cordelia had been before they started dating, so Xander didn't begrudge her that comment.
"We talked about all the cute boys and practiced kissing on pillows," Harmony confessed, getting laughter from the audience. "I thought she was insane for dating Xander Harris, but she was so cool that she made him seem cool too. They actually called us the Cordettes because she was, like, our leader. I know Xander and Willow made that name up to be insulting, but we thought it was funny." She gave them a smug look, and Willow tried to sink into the floor while Xander laughed. Who knew Harmony could be witty?
"Who are we without her? I don't know. This is so wrong. She should be here. She should graduate with us and go to prom and get to be named Prom Queen," Harmony said, her voice breaking. She wiped her eyes and paused a moment, looking down at the casket and then at the big photo of Cordelia next to it. Focusing on that, she said, "She was my best friend. I'll never forget her."
The priest replaced her at the podium. "That was lovely, Harmony," he said. "You are a very good friend, and we will be praying for you. Our last speaker is Cordelia's boyfriend, Xander Harris."
"You got this?" Willow asked.
"I think so," he said. If Harmony could do it, he had to.
He pulled his speech out and unfolded it, placing it on the podium. The large church was packed. There were probably close to six hundred people in the audience. He spotted Tony and Pepper sitting with Joyce and Mr. Coulson and Faith's watcher not too far back from where they were sitting but on the friend's side. They gave him encouraging smiles, so he focused on that row.
"Many of you might hear some shocking things today, but if Cordy was here, she would laugh, so I'm going to say it," Xander began. "Cordelia was not just Queen Bee or Queen C as Faith called her. She was Queen Mean for a long time. Willow and I were in elementary school when we started a club dedicated to Cordelia. It was the We Hate Cordelia Chase Club." Laughter broke out. "I know, it's ironic. Our best friend, Jesse, though, had the biggest crush on her. He was always trying to impress her. He learned how to ride a skateboard, hoping it would get her attention. Then he saw her in a mini-skirt and crashed into Synder's car." More laughter. "The first time we kissed, we were running from the maniac that crashed the career fair. We hid in a supply closet. Those became our favorite places in the school." More chuckles. Xander and Willow had discussed sharing more of her death with everyone. He wanted people to know how courageous she had been. Her parents deserved to know. So here it goes: "We fought a lot because she was rude and brass and drove me crazy. And she was beautiful and made me crazy in the best way. Most of you won't ever know how brave she was. However, I want you all to know more about the day she died because she was truly heroic. The monster who attacked us hurt Buffy and Faith first—actually knocked Faith out cold. Cordelia just stood up to this ugly bastard, pulling out this knife she carried in her person along with pepper spray and stabbed the guy in the stomach before I could pull her back. I hate that I didn't react fast enough, but she was the athlete, not me. However, he was so big that it didn't seem to hurt him much. He grabbed her, and she was able to let out one scream before his hand had her by the throat. Then he broke her neck."
Xander closed his eyes as he remembered the scene. "She was so brave," he said, his voice breaking. "I wish to God that she had not been so brave. That was my Cordy. Beautiful, brave, and I loved her so very much."
He looked at her parents. "I am sorry that I didn't protect her," he said. They were both crying.
Then he folded his paper and walked from the stage.
The slide show Willow and Oz put together showed images of her as a baby with her parents and many pictures of her with her family growing up. Then pictures of her with her friends, the Cordettes, appeared. The picture of him with her and Faith was in there, and he glanced at Faith, who seemed surprised and shattered at the image.
He was definitely going to need to speak to her. Now that he had no girlfriend, he would have to focus on taking care of his slayers.
Then again, he had a slight werewolf issue that he probably should focus on.
The picture of her and Willow getting crowned co-homecoming queen made him smile.
However, the picture of him and Cordelia slow dancing at that dance surprised him. This wasn't a picture that he had seen before. He was looking down at her in adoration while she was smiling up at him. It was the perfect image, and then it was gone. How could she be gone? She would never smile like at him again.
The thought pierced him.
The final picture was her junior yearbook picture with her birthday and her death date. Her beautiful smile was prominent.
Lots of sobbing could be heard.
Now they were opening the casket, so everyone could say one final goodbye.
How could he bear it?
The parents' first row went first, and it was horrible to watch.
"This is awful," Willow whispered. "Their grief, yours, ours. It's just so painful."
Xander nodded. Cordelia's mother was barely able to stand, and he thought the dad might collapse from grief. They finally stepped away as the other relatives peered down at Cordelia's body.
She would hate this, Xander thought. No matter the make-up job, she was still a corpse, and no corpse could ever look attractive. Cordelia would not have wanted anyone to see her that way. This was wrong. Why were her parents doing this? The violation filled Xander with rage.
"They shouldn't be doing this," Xander said to Willow.
"It's their decision," she whispered back.
"She would hate this," he said.
"I know," Willow said, reaching over to squeeze his hand.
Then it was their row's turn, and he was powerless to not follow the herd.
Suddenly, he, too, could not resist one last look at his lover. Willow and Buffy were on each side of him.
"They did a really good job," Buffy observed.
"She's beautiful," Willow said.
"She really is," Xander agreed, feeling his rage leave. She didn't look as plastic as he feared but almost peaceful. Was she? Was she at rest?
Unable to help it, he reached for her hand.
It was cold and lifeless.
This was just an empty shell. Nothing of her was there anymore.
Xander walked away without looking back.
The woman he loved was dead, and he felt just as cold and lifeless as that body he walked away from.
Cordelia Chase was dead. The woman he loved was dead.
*****Chapter End*****
Well, after 11,000 words, I think this chapter is done! I hope you enjoyed this chapter/update. I spent a lot of time writing it. Show your appreciation with a review!