Yesterday almost feels like a dream in the morning, but as Sakura opens her eyes and takes in the white hospital room everything comes crashing back.
She's not a Haruno anymore.
They can't control her.
She's her own person.
The thoughts are followed by an immediate wave of guilt so intense she almost feels sick. What has she done? She has abandoned her family. Turned her back on those who raised her. Rejected her own father's name, and for what? For some stupid, childish dream to become a shinobi?
Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash, some internal voice that sounds disturbingly like Kakashi-sensei reminds her.
What about those who abandon their family? she thinks.
She really does get sick then and has to hurry to the bathroom. It's only bile, but the taste is vile on her tongue and only adds to her already miserable mindset.
Her retching must alert someone because a few moments later there's a nurse there, pressing a cool hand to her forehead and to her back. The nurse helps her get back up and to clean herself before returning to bed. With her stomach still in uncomfortable knots she watches as the nurse performs some sort of diagnostic jutsu.
"Doesn't look like there's anything seriously wrong, but I'll ask the doctor to have a look," the nurse smiles reassuringly.
She leaves and returns a little bit later with the doctor, who confirms that there's nothing seriously wrong with her, just dehydration and a bit of malnourishment.
"We'll keep you here today, or maybe until tomorrow morning, and then you should be good as new."
A bit later still another nurse arrives with breakfast for her, leaving Sakura to stare at the veritable mound of food.
She can't remember the last time she was offered so much food for breakfast. Because of her diet her portions have usually been small, consisting mostly of brown rice and proteins. Looking down at the hospital food, however, there's a big serving of white rice, miso soup and three other dishes. The one meal contains more food than Sakura has often eaten in a whole day, thanks to her diet.
She shouldn't eat it.
Or, she could eat just a little bit of it. Her stomach twists painfully at the thought.
She has to stick to her diet. She can't afford to let herself get fat, or else - what? Her mind stumbles to a halt. She can't allow herself to get fat, or her future husband won't want her, is her usual spiel. Sasuke-kun won't like her if she's fat, is what she'll tell herself. But she isn't getting married, her clan can't make her anymore, and Sasuke-kun isn't here either, so …
Her stomach growls loudly and Sakura allows herself to succumb to the temptation before her.
Despite the rumours about hospital food being terrible it tastes delicious, and she almost despairs that she can't actually make herself finish it all. But it warms her stomach and effectively chases away most of her earlier guilt.
The nurse arrives a bit later to take the leftovers away, and Sakura has to resist the urge to tell her off for it. Next time she'll eat all of it, or find a way to keep it with her.
With nothing else to do she finds herself staring out the window. Most of the cherry blossom trees in Konoha have bloomed already, but outside her window there is one that seems slower than the others, just starting to bloom. She can't help but like the symbolism of it, hoping that it's a sign of good fortune for herself. Like the blossoms of the tree, she too is only just about to start a life of her own, even if it is a little bit later than most of her classmates.
No-Name Sakura might not be a very good starting point, but at least she's no longer locked in and slowly perishing from thirst. That's a comfort, at least. She's got food in her stomach, a roof over her head and water readily available. She has checked the tap in the bathroom and made sure to keep a glassful of water at her bedside table.
She's good.
She'll be fine.
Even if the guilt of leaving her family behind like that is still gnawing at her conscience.
"I see you're feeling much better today."
Commander Hatake's voice interrupts her musings and Sakura looks away from the window.
"I am. Thank you very much for your help yesterday." She smiles at bows gratefully to him, as much as she can while still seated in the hospital bed.
He waves her gratitude away and pulls up a chair next to her bed before he sits down. His voice is light and warm, his body language relaxed and comfortable as he slouches a little in the chair, cane resting across his knees.
"It was nothing. As Commander of the Genin Corps all genin-related matters ultimately fall under my purview. Normally your sensei should have been sent to see how you were doing, but as he's out of the village currently on a mission that wasn't done."
"Kakashi-sensei is on a mission?"
"Yes. With the other two members of your team. It's a C-ranked escort mission, I believe. They left the day after your mother's passing."
The jealousy she feels is entirely unfounded, she tells herself. No one expected her mother's passing, so how could anyone predict that it would happen just when team 7 got their first assignment outside the village? And a real escort mission at that. A C-ranked one.
At least this explains why none of them came to check on her. If they'd left the day after her mother passed they weren't even in the village by the time she got herself locked in. The knowledge eases a knot of tension in her stomach she hadn't even acknowledged previously.
They didn't just abandon her.
Thanks to aunt Kasumi's falsified note they must have thought she had abandoned them. She'll have to explain that to them when they return. That she didn't abandon them, that she never intended to stop being a shinobi, that she would have loved to go on a proper mission with them.
"I see. And they're not back yet?" She tries and fails to keep her voice from trembling.
"No. They're not expected back for another week or so, but they could take longer as well. When they do return you will be able to go back to doing missions with them as usual."
So she's alone. But at least they'll be back soon, and then things might go back to normal. Or at least as normal as things will ever get again, now that she's clanless and motherless.
"That's good. Thank you very much."
She pulls her knees up to her chest and hugs them tightly, trying to suppress the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
It's just a few days, she tells herself.
Another week and they'll be back.
"In the meantime, there are some other things you need to consider." Commander Hatake's voice is quiet but serious, easily drawing her attention back to him. "First, I need to know whether you want to press charges against your family."
"No."
Her reply is immediate and instinctive. He frowns at her for it.
"From what I observed, and what you have told me, they forged your signature to force your retirement, they locked you into a room and then starved you and denied you water. Those are criminal offenses."
She's shaking her head before he has even finished speaking.
"I'm not pressing charges."
"Are you sure? The autonomy of the clans is strong in the Founding Laws of Konoha, so the public cannot press charges against them without you. If you don't want to press charges, they will get away with it without consequence."
"I'm sure."
Her voice is trembling but the only thing she is more certain of than that she wants to become a shinobi is that she does not want to start any sort of judicial feud with her family.
"Ok," Commander Hatake sighs. He doesn't look entirely surprised. "It's your choice. I won't force you. But if you change your mind, come find me, alright?"
"Alright," she agrees easily, knowing that she never will.
He nods, and if he suspects her intentions he still doesn't call her out. Instead he reaches for the pouch at his hip and withdraws a small stack of papers, placing them before her on the bed.
"Next issue. I took the liberty of bringing the forms you'll need to fill out to apply for an allowance from the orphan's fund."
Ignoring the reference to her now being an orphan and the painful twist of her heart, she instead frowns at the papers.
"But I get a salary from doing missions with my team. I don't need an allowance."
"You'll need it to get an apartment of your own," he explains. "Because you're still with your genin sensei and not with the general genin forces - that is, you are more like an apprentice than a regular genin - your salary won't be enough to cover your living expenses. You only do about half of the missions genin of the Genin Corps does, and thus you only have about half of the income."
"In other words, I won't be able to get an apartment and even if I did there's no saying I'd be able to actually afford rent regularly," she summarises, feeling her stomach start to knot in worry again.
"Exactly. With an allowance from the orphan's fund you'd have a complimentary income until you turn 15. Or become a chunin, whichever comes first."
Tiredly she pulls the papers towards her, eying them but deciding that she's ultimately not ready to deal with it just yet.
"Thank you," she says. "I'll be sure to apply."
"Good. Let me know if you need any help."
He stands, putting the chair away where it was and then pauses before her bed again.
"How long are they keeping you here for?"
"Not that much longer. I'll probably be discharged this afternoon or tomorrow morning."
"Do you have somewhere to stay? A friend, maybe?"
Her nod is instinctive more than honest.
"Good. And when your sensei does return, do let him know about your changed circumstances. Kakashi can be …" he hesitates, wincing a little, "Kakashi, I guess … but he's not unfeeling or intentionally cruel."
Sakura nods distractedly, her attention suddenly caught by an entirely different matter.
"Are you two ..?" she asks, unsure of how to finish the question.
The Genin Commander smiles, apparently understanding her anyway.
"He's my wife's nephew."
"Your wife's?"
"Yeah. I'm an orphan of the war, so I took her name when we married. I've known Kakashi since he was little."
Her eyes bulge at that; at the mental image of her sensei as a child. Somehow she can't really imagine it.
Before she can ask any more questions he's gone.
That afternoon she's discharged from the hospital, with orders to take things easy and to not overexert herself.
Though she hasn't really unpacked that much in her brief stay she still takes the time to properly organise and pack her backpack before she leaves. She doesn't have much anymore. Grandmother and aunt Kasumi wouldn't let her bring anything officially belonging to the Haruno clan, including her dresses with the Haruno clan symbol. If not for Commander Hatake, Sakura doubts she would have been allowed to bring anything.
Her shinobi equipment is mostly there; all of her kunai and shuriken returned, though the ration bars and bottles of water are still mysteriously missing. She doesn't expect to ever see them again. Her ninja wire is still there, alongside her few, valuable exploding tags. Most importantly at the moment she has her camping gear, including her tent and bedroll, both of which she plans to utilise until her team comes back.
It's not so much her shinobi tools that are the problem. No, the real problem lies in her available clothing. She has a few of the shorts she uses under her dress but none of her normal dresses. Instead she is forced to contend with some of her mother's old dresses and they are supremely ill-fitting on her much shorter frame. Not to mention that the white makes her already pale complexion look positively sickly.
As soon as she gets some money she'll go clothes shopping, she promises herself.
With all of her things packed - the urn with her mother's ashes carefully wrapped in a dress for protection and the leftovers from lunch wrapped in a handkerchief in the front pocket - she takes a last look around the room before she leaves.
She's not sure where she's going, and that's frankly frightening.
As it turns out, she gets no longer than the lobby before a familiar voice calls out her name.
"Sakura? What are you doing here, forehead?"
She turns to Ino with a strange mixture of joy and apprehension. It feels like it's been forever since she saw her old friend, yet they haven't truly been friends for a few years now. Not since she broke up their friendship over her love and ambition for Sasuke-kun, which now feels like a distant memory. Why had that seemed so important, back then?
"I could ask the same, Ino-pig."
Ino is sitting with the rest of her team, Ino herself sporting a roughly bandaged hand. The two boys on her team look perfectly unharmed, and their sensei is nowhere to be seen.
"I hurt my hand during training," Ino replies, frowning and carefully looking Sakura over. "What about you?"
Sakura hesitates. A lot has happened recently, and she's not remotely ready to start speaking about it yet.
"Nothing serious," she says. "I've just been discharged."
"I heard you were retiring. Is it true?"
Stiffening a little, Sakura tries not to wince. She does not particularly like the idea of the entire village gossipping about her.
"No, of course not. Who told you that?" She winces, wishing that she had managed that with more conviction.
Ino shrugs, clearly not comfortable naming her source. Still, she continues to give Sakura that strangely worried look.
There's something in between them, something different from the rivalry of the last few years. Something fragile, barely there. Sakura doesn't dare move for fear of ruining it, and Ino seems in a similar state.
"Alright, I've spoken to the nurse and she will see you now, Ino-chan," a tall, dark-haired man she vaguely recognises as Ino's sensei says, startling both Ino and Sakura. He frowns at the two girls. "Sakura, right? I thought team 7 was out of the village. Has something happened?"
Her cheeks burn faintly with something that might be embarrassment or might be shame - she's not sure, but she averts her gaze and turns to face him regardless.
"No, ah, not that I'm aware of. That is, Kakashi-sensei, Naruto and Sasuke-kun are out of the village on a mission, but I don't think anything is wrong."
"Why aren't you with them?"
This time it's Ino who asks but from the look in his eyes her sensei is wondering the same. Her mind spins, desperately trying to come up with an answer that isn't a lie yet doesn't mean her having to tell the whole tale.
"They went without me. I, uh … my mom died, so uhm," her heart twists painfully, her throat choking up and making it nearly impossible to finish the sentence, "I had to stay, for the … funeral and stuff."
Ino winces.
"Your mom? I'm sorry, Sakura. I know she was … I can't imagine what you're going through."
Sakura gives Ino a little smile, to show that she's alright. She's not, not really, but she's better than she was just a day or two ago and she'll manage. Eventually.
"And Kakashi just decided to accept a mission and leave you behind?" Ino's sensei asks, frowning disapprovingly.
Her shoulders hunch reflexively at the tone. It doesn't look like it's her he's disapproving of, but the tone is a little bit too sharp and she's just a little bit too sensitive at the moment that it hurts nonetheless. After all, teams are supposed to be important. Other than the village, the Hokage and the Daimyo, the team is one of the most important things for a shinobi. Maybe even more important to some. And Kakashi-sensei has always made such a big deal out of the importance of teamwork and the team, so surely there must be something wrong with her if even he decides to leave her behind?
It's a thought she hasn't wanted to acknowledge but now it suddenly feels as if it has been branded across her face, clear as a day for anyone to see.
"It's fine," she hurries to assure them, plastering a fake smile on her face. "I needed some time off anyway, so no reason for the others to hang around just because of me."
"What will you be doing now, until your team is back?" Ino asks, placing a gentle hand on Sakura's shoulder.
She shrugs, honestly unsure. "They should be back in a week or so."
Ino looks at her sensei, at Choji and Shikamaru, and raises a pointed eyebrow.
"Come to the mission's office tomorrow morning at 7 am," her sensei sighs. "Until team 7 returns, you can join team 10."
Thus it is that the next morning, after a night of camping out in team 7's usual training grounds and splitting her lunch-leftovers between dinner and breakfast, she meets up with team 10 outside the mission's office.
Team 10, she learns, has a routine both similar and different to that of team 7. Although they meet an hour later than team 7 their sensei is actually on time, and they spend the rest of the morning doing D-ranked missions. The atmosphere is … loud and at times violent, but there's no real bite to it, so it's also relaxed. Ino yells at Shikamaru for being lazy but he doesn't mind, because he knows he's lazy. When Choji is caught snacking instead of weeding the garden, like they're supposed to, Ino smacks him over the head but she does it with somewhat of a fond smile. Asuma scolds her for being so domineering, but it is clear as day that she has him wrapped around her pinky finger.
It's a nice change from the tension of team 7, where Naruto and Sasuke-kun are always on each other's throats and Naruto is always being annoying and their sensei do as little as possible to intervene. Sakura thinks she likes it.
At lunchtime they make their way over to team 10's usual training ground, which is virtually identical to that of team 7, and sit in the shade of the trees to eat their bento boxes. Sakura, on account of not having a bento box, doesn't join them.
"I'm on a diet," she tells them when they look worriedly at her.
To her surprise all of them frown, including Ino, who has previously been her greatest rival when it comes to diets and such.
"Sakura-chan ..?" Ino says, and the tone is even more indicative of her worry than the fact that she's actually referring to her by her name and not one of her usual, meaner nicknames.
She's not entirely surprised when Asuma-sensei takes her aside and lectures her on the importance of proper nutrition. It's much the same things Kakashi-sensei told her, and like then Sakura diverts her gaze so that he won't read the truth in them and flashes him that bright smile that aunt Kasumi helped her develop. He doesn't need to know, she tells herself. Kakashi-sensei and her team will be back in a week.
She is surprised when Asuma-sensei, just like Kakashi-sensei, offers her his own bento box, with strict orders to bring her own the next day. Her stomach growls embarrassingly and so she accepts, the guilt of having him go hungry instead of her weighing heavily on her shoulders.
So she settles down in the shade with Ino and Shikamaru and Choji. They eat and laugh and joke, and afterwards Shikamaru takes a nap. Sakura eats as much as she can of the bento box but can't even finish it all.
"Keep it," Asuma-sensei says when she tries to hand it back. "Make sure to bring it back tomorrow with a proper lunch for yourself."
Afterwards, Asuma-sensei leads them through a series of warm up exercises before pairing them up for sparring. Sakura faces Ino, whose hand is completely healed from yesterday's injury.
She's hesitant at first, as is Ino, because they haven't had a truly friendly spar in years. Ever since Sakura broke off their friendship it's always been all out between them. Now, however, Sakura can't find it within herself to summon that same energy. Ino is uncharacteristically quiet and careful too, and so their spar is slow and hesitant.
"Keep your arm straight," Asuma intervenes suddenly. He steps up to them, grabbing a hold of her arm to show her what he means. "Don't twist it, you'll lose momentum that way."
Quietly she repeats the action until he's happy and moves over to the boys, correcting Choji's guard.
Ino and her return to their sparring, and a few minutes later Asuma is there again, this time correcting Ino's footwork. Sakura tries not to stare. It probably shouldn't be surreal to have a sensei that actually pays attention to her sparring, yet somehow it is. Between Naruto and Sasuke-kun Kakashi-sensei always seems busy somehow, yet Asuma is teaching her on top of the team he's actually supposed to be focusing on.
It makes strange things to her stomach and she pushes the emotions down, trying instead to focus on the most educational sparr she's had since she left the Academy.
After sparring they do conditioning. Asuma-sensei urges the team on with promises of dinner at Yakiniku Q afterwards. Ino rolls her eyes at this and Shikamaru complains about it being troublesome, but they all speed up. Sakura struggles to keep up with them.
That afternoon, after the promised dinner at Yakiniku Q, Sakura waves goodbye to team 10 and makes her way over to the administrative office that is, among other things, where the Orphan's Fund is being managed from. This late in the afternoon there are apparently very few visitors and there is no line to the reception desk.
"Hello. I want to hand in this application for the Orphans Fund," she explains to the elderly receptionist.
The receptionist, a thin, gray-haired woman, takes the forms from her and looks them over.
"Just Sakura?" she asks, giving Sakura a disbelieving look over the rim of her glasses. "No family name?"
"Not anymore."
"Explain."
Taking a deep breath Sakura braces herself to tell at least the short version of what happened.
"It used to be Haruno. My father died when I was three and my mother died just a week ago."
"Haruno of the Haruno-clan? The merchants?"
"Yes, but I had to reject the name in order for them to let me become a shinobi. So, here I am."
The woman looks her over with a look as if she finds her wanting. Sakura's cheeks burn with humiliation but she forces herself to meet her gaze.
"Was it you who rejected them or the other way around?"
"I had to reject them."
The woman nods understandingly and reaches for something on her desk. Quickly she places a large, red stamp on her application and hands it back to her.
"Denied then."
With a feeling as if the floor is falling away beneath her Sakura accepts the application, staring at the red letters of the stamp.
"Why?" she manages, looking up at the woman again.
"Because you had a clan that would have been responsible to provide for you until you turned 15 but you chose to reject them. In other words, you got yourself in this situation."
She gapes at the callousness of this stranger, who doesn't understand anything of her situation yet so lightly condemn her for her actions.
"You don't understand. They were preventing me from becoming a shinobi. They wanted to arrange a marriage for me and ship me off to some stranger. I had to leave them!"
"I'm sure you did honey, but there's a specific clause that denies money from the Orphan's Fund to those who simply choose to leave their clan. Clan politics, and all that. There's nothing I can do."
The woman doesn't sound even remotely sorry and that, more than anything, crushes any hope Sakura has of reasoning her way through this.
"Is there anywhere else I can apply for money?"
"No."
With that brusque answer ringing in her ears she dejectedly leaves.
What is she supposed to do now?
With all of her worldly belongings in her backpack and no home to return to, Sakura finds herself just walking aimlessly through the streets of Konoha. It's all reassuringly familiar, yet she herself feels so different that she struggles to meet the eyes of those she meets. Everything is the same as it has always been, yet everything is different too.
Only when her stomach growls loudly does she make her way over to one of the many rivers running through Konoha's parks, digging out a fishing hook and some line from her backpack and settling down to fish. She's still got the leftovers of Asuma-sensei's bento box but his orders of bringing it back tomorrow with lunch still rings in her ears.
She's shamefully grateful to him for giving her the bento box. It's horrible enough that he had to give up his own lunch to feed her, but thanks to him she will now actually be able to bring lunch. She'd been contemplating just grabbing one from a convenience store, but some internal, conscientious voice that sounds disturbingly like her mother insists that would be stealing. And now Asuma sensei has, through his kindness, inadvertently solved her dilemma and saved her from having to go hungry over lunch.
Having no money is quickly becoming an issue.
Luck is with her and some ten minutes later she has caught herself two large fishes, which will serve well as both breakfast and lunch tomorrow. She has just skewered them on a stick for easier carrying, mentally already calculating where she might find some herbs or nuts or berries or something to complement her meal, when a familiar voice startles her.
"Still playing shinobi, Haruno?"
Tanigawa Akihiro stands on the path a few meters away, hands on his hips and giving her his signature condescending look. Sakura feels like cursing, or maybe crying, but forces herself to do neither.
"I'm not playing," she corrects him, trying to mirror his expression. Pointedly, she adjusts her hitai-ate. "I am a kunoichi. Haven't you heard?"
His eyes narrow when he notices her headband and she offers him a haughty smile in response.
"So, you've got a new hair accessory," he says, sounding utterly unimpressed. "That doesn't make you a shinobi."
"This is the proof that I am a shinobi, in case you didn't know!" She fists her hands by her side, wondering why it is that every time that she sees his face she always winds up wanting to pummel it. Hard and repeatedly.
"In that case, may the gods have mercy on us all if this is all it takes to become a shinobi."
Her hands twitch by her side but she forces herself not to attack him.
"Like you know what it takes to be a shinobi. You're just a merchant, isn't that what you said?"
This time it is him who fists his hands and glares at her. She suppresses a smirk.
"Well, how about another duel?"
"Fine! Where?"
He seems almost surprised by her agreement but mentions a spot she's familiar with. It's further into the park and a place where kids often go to settle scores away from prying eyes. However, it's also bad conduct for shinobi to get into fights in public parks. Really bad conduct. So Sakura frowns and suggests team 7's training ground, which is more suitable anyway, and he accepts.
Neither of them have anywhere else to be so there is little reason to postpone their duel and they head over immediately. Sakura swings her backpack over her shoulders and grabs her fish in one hand. Akihiro raises a questioning eyebrow but blessfully doesn't comment.
"You have a sword yet, Haruno?" he asks as they walk. His own sword is strapped to his back: another one than the one he used in their last fight, but this one seems almost tailor made for him.
In her own mind she rages at his nerve and his superior tone, and at the Academy for not teaching students to use a sword. She's pretty comfortable with just her kunai, but sometimes she'd just want a sword to swing at people. At Akihiro specifically. And preferably a sword larger than the one currently strapped to his back.
Externally, she just glares at him.
"I don't need a sword to defeat you!"
They reach their destination with little fuss. Konoha has dozens of training grounds just like this one, and although most of them are subject to booking some of them, like this particular one, are traditionally devoted to the newer genin teams. So there is no one there even now, leaving the two of them alone in the setting sun.
With practiced ease Akihiro falls into stance, drawing his word in one, swift motion. The blade glints dangerously, highlighting the sharp edge. She'd thought, last time, that he'd moved like the sword was part of him. Looking at him now, as he makes a few practice swings, she realises that he must have just been a beginner back then. Moving with the sword looks even more natural to him now, and the weight and the length of it doesn't seem to bother him at all.
Sakura deposits her backpack and the fish by a nearby tree before she too falls into a similar stance, drawing two kunai from the holster on her leg.
"At least you're using two this time," Akihiro comments. "Maybe you are serious after all."
"You won't be so cocky when you've got my kunai at your throat!"
The growl of her own voice and the angry words takes her by surprise. Then again, she's had a long day and has just about no patience left to deal with the likes of Akihiro. He, by contrast, doesn't look surprised by her words at all.
"First you've got to get past my sword." He smirks at her again, in that way which makes her blood boil.
"Countdown from three?"
His smirk broaden.
"Three."
"Two."
"One!"
Simultaneously, they launch at each other. His sword clashes against her two kunai and she twists, directing them away from her and aiming a kick at his exposed side. He takes one step back, just out of reach, and then his sword is coming back and forcing her to retreat.
He follows her retreat, swiping and stabbing with his sword, forcing her to continue to retreat and dodge rather than to attack. Four years ago, during their very brief duel, he only had an attack or two that he used. His moves now, however, are much more varied and intricate. She grits her teeth and with a growl catches his blade on hers again, feeling the burn in her arms as she struggles to keep him away.
"Give up, Haruno! Before you actually get hurt!"
"You wish you could actually hurt me, Tanigawa!"
In a moment of inspiration she drops one of her kunai, twisting around and using her newly freed hand to grab onto his wrist, and then she throws him over her shoulder. The move isn't nearly as elegant as it's supposed to be, unused as she is to practicing with someone actually larger than herself, but it works nonetheless. He goes flying and crashes into the ground.
Tanigawa uses the momentum to turn his crash landing into a roll and then he's crouching, sword still in his hand and leveling her with a surprised look. His arms have scratch wounds and he's bleeding a little but he obviously isn't about to admit defeat just yet.
With precision she throws her remaining kunai at him, dipping low to pick up the one she dropped earlier and pulling another one from her holster. He sidesteps and then she's too close to him again, forcing him to block her kunai.
"Maybe you have learned a trick or two," he admits. "Doesn't make you a shinobi though!"
With his taller build and - as reluctant as she is to admit to it - superior strength, he physically pushes her backwards, making her stumble to regain her footing even as he is already attacking again. She dodges right, left, deflects with her kunai, jumps backwards to avoid getting disemboweled.
Then he's suddenly there, far too close for comfort and her footing is all wrong and her stance too. Instincts honed from academy training have her dropping her kunai and her hands quickly flying through familiar seals: Tiger, Boar, Ox, Dog, Snake!
If the move wasn't born from her own desperation not to lose, or get disemboweled for that matter, she might have enjoyed his confusion more as his sword suddenly strikes into the block of wood that has replaced her. As it is she ruthlessly exploits his momentary confusion, charging at him from behind and pulling another two kunay.
Her stealth must be horrible because he turns around before she can reach him. Even so she has a moment of victorious glee, because his sword is still stuck in the log and he's essentially perfectly open to her attack. Then his sword moves, block of wood and all. In the momentum of the swing the wood comes off, careening towards her through the air. She sidesteps it easily but he's already retreating, pulling back several steps, and then they're glaring at each other again.
"You fight dirty, Haruno."
"I'm just better than you. Get used to it."
"If that's how you want to fight, fine."
To her surprise he quickly swings the sword back and forth before him, shallowly cutting into the ground. She frowns, confused by what he's doing but not about to let him finish and surprise her with some dirty trick. With a flick of her wrists she sends both kunai flying towards him, pulling her last two from her holster and charging at him in the wake of her kunai.
Akihiro quickly steps back, using his sword to deflect her kunai and backing out of reach for her. She charges again, growling with frustration because why can't he just be still for one fucking moment and let her beat the crap out of him!
He dodges and spins around, not letting her near enough to actually reach him with her kunai. The fact that he doesn't even use his sword further grates on her nerves.
"You can't keep dodging me forever, Tanigawa!" she taunts.
"Your attacks are just that useless, Haruno."
Furiously she charges again, catching the victorious glint in his eyes too late.
He makes a hand seal of his own and then there's a blinding light.
She comes back to consciousness again seconds later but by then she's already on the ground, her back pressed uncomfortably against the gravel and Akihiro's sword at her throat.
"You lose, Haruno. Again." His voice is annoyingly calm and he is barely even winded from their fight.
"You cheated!"
"You started it, using your shinobi jutsu."
"What even was that?!"
He's a civilian, he shouldn't be able to use ninjutsu! Not to mention that whatever he did doesn't seem like any jutsu she's learned about in the Academy.
His smile is patronising as ever even as he steps away, sheeting his sword.
"That's a secret, Haruno. Ask nicely and I might show you some day."
She glowers at him but fails to come up with a suitably scathing reply.
"Stop calling me that," she says instead, standing up brushing the dirt off of her dress, still glowering at him. And oh, white is such an impractical colour! Every spot of dirt shows, regardless of her efforts!
"What?" he frowns, confused.
"Stop calling me Haruno."
"Why?"
She's still breathing more heavily than normal from their fight but he's annoyingly unaffected by it. She wants to shove him away, to punch his annoying face until that frown disappears and her chest stops hurting.
"Haven't Kiku told you already?" she asks, sharply turning away from him to collect her kunai. Her eyes burn with something she's not ready to acknowledge.
"Told me what? I barely talk to her at all."
"She's your fiancée."
"So what? We're not even 15 yet, and I'm in no hurry to get married."
Annoyingly the kunai are scattered all across the clearing, forcing her to search in the falling darkness for them. Surprisingly Akihiro helps, handing her the last two.
"So, what's going on?" he asks, pulling them away when she reaches for them.
She reaches for them anyway but he just holds them higher, and she isn't about to start jumping for them.
"I'm not a Haruno anymore," she says, refusing to meet his gaze. She doesn't want to see the glee in his eyes and hopes that he can't tell how clogged up her throat suddenly feels. "So stop calling me that!"
In the corner of her eye she sees him gaping at her, and in the confusion she's able to grab her kunai back. He doesn't even fight her.
"You're not a Haruno?"
"No."
"Since when?"
"Like three days ago." Or maybe it's closer to two, she doesn't really want to think about it. She stuffs her kunai back in the holster more forcefully than necessary. "I'm surprised you haven't heard yet."
"I've been away from the village on business. Just came back two days ago, actually."
"Great for you, Tanigawa. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got better things to do." She throws the backpack on and grabs her fish, turning to leave.
"Wait! Harun-" he awkwardly interrupts himself.
Sakura turns halfway back to him and raises a questioning eyebrow, trying to mirror the annoying expression he usually gives her. She's not about to give him permission to use her first name, so let him wrestle with the dilemma of how to address her in the future.
"Are you … alright?" he asks, hesitantly.
From the look he's giving her it's clear that he's not talking about possible injuries from their match. He looks almost … guilty. But also worried and awkward and so completely out of his comfort zone that it's not even funny.
"Yeah. I'll be fine," she says, turning around and walking away.
She doesn't look back and she doesn't let the tears fall until she's certain that she's alone.
That evening she makes her camp in a clearing at the furthest border of the training ground, gathering wood and lighting a fire. It provides enough light for her to gut the fish and remove the scales.
If a small part of her imagines that it is Akihiro that she's gutting, then that's probably perfectly normal.
While it cooks she goes searching for edible herbs in the light of her flashlight. The forest is good to her, and it is with a decent showing of herbs and mixed berries that she returns to her camp. Once she has finished the leftovers of Asuma-sensei's bento she cleans the box out and replaces it with the deboned fish and her collected little salad. It looks healthy, if a little spartan, so it'll do. She makes a mental note of investing in some rice as soon as she can, but for now this will have to be her new diet.
Despite the long day she has trouble falling asleep that evening, laying awake late thinking about her humiliating defeat at the hands of Tanigawa Akihiro. Twice now he has defeated her.
There won't be a third time, she thinks with determination. I'll make sure to beat him next time.
A week comes and goes. Sakura settles into a nice routine with team 10, growing more and more used to working with them. Her relationship with Ino isn't great, but it's getting better. Little by little.
Team 7 - that is Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke-kun and Naruto - still does not return. They have now been gone from the village for over two weeks. Sakura finds herself standing by the gates, hoping to spot them returning. So far, she hasn't been successful.
"Don't worry. They've got Kakashi with them. Even among jounin he's in a league of his own," Asuma assures her when she mentions her worries to him.
The days continue to tick by with no sign of team 7.
Sakura is grateful for the mild weather of Fire Country, which makes it possible for her to continue her camping without too much discomfort. The only thing grating on her is having to bathe in rivers and streams. The lack of shampoo and other hair care products are quickly getting to her, especially spending most of her days with Ino and her perfect hair. But overall she's free, she's not freezing and she's eating three meals a day - and thanks to Asuma-sensei so often buying dinner for them at Yakiniku Q it's not all fish either.
At the end of April, after almost two weeks with team 10, she gets her paycheck. It's only her second paycheck ever, and the first one that is truly hers. The first one had been dutifully handed over to aunt Kasumi the same day she received it. She carefully counts the money over and over again, down to the last coin, marveling over how much it seems. Yet, at the same time, it doesn't seem nearly enough. It's only half a month's pay, and only half of a pay that isn't really supposed to be liveable on its own to begin with.
So she settles down to make a list of what she needs to buy.
Rice, she writes in her notepad. It's cheap and she really needs something to supplement her food. She thinks longingly of buying some actual meat and adds it to the maybe-list. Asuma-sensei regularly treats them to dinner at Yakiniku Q anyway, so she doesn't need to buy meat. But it would be nice.
Clothes, she writes next. Her mother's dresses aren't keeping up well with her training. It has become part of her nightly routine to wash and mend them, but they're quickly showing signs of wear. It won't be long until they'll be falling apart on her body, despite her mending. She'll have to invest in a few dresses in a more sturdy material, which sadly is sure to eat up most of her money.
Soap, she also writes. She's starting to stink. Shampoo, she adds on the same line, because her hair is getting coarse enough that Ino has been giving her looks over it.
Whetstone, she finishes off the list. Her kunai have been growing dull and really need sharpening, and her old one is all worn out.
In the end she buys the largest bag of rice she can fit into her backpack. Preferably she would buy a bigger one, as that would have made it more of a bargain, but she doesn't want to drag a bag of ten kilos of rice with her wherever she goes either, so a smaller bag it is. She splurges on her favourite shampoo, Floral Green, even though it's not the cheapest one, and then a bottle of soap with a nice, supplementary scent. As an afterthought she also adds a packet of salt and a bar of chocolate, because she has deserved as much!
The whetstone eats a third of her remaining money. Being a shinobi is expensive.
What money she has left won't last for a great outfit, so she heads right for the sales racks in the clothing store. Most everything there is either too big or too small for her, but she does manage to find a garish purple and yellow dress and an oversize blue t-shirt with a pink star print on it, both of which will work with the shorts she already has, so she decides to buy those. Both the dress and the t-shirt are in good, sturdy materials that the salesperson assures her will last forever, so it costs half of her remaining money still, even on sale. Even so, it's easily worth it to finally get out of her mother's old dresses, which are quickly becoming more and more threadbare.
It is well into May, over three weeks into Sakura's temporarily joining team 10, when team 7 finally returns to Konoha. Sakura has just left Yakiniku Q, laughing with Ino about the antics of the boys, when she notices them across the street.
She comes to a halt, unable not to stare, because it feels like it's been a lifetime since she last saw them. She feels like an entirely different person yet they look almost exactly like she remembers them. A little more tanned perhaps, but then that's not unexpected considering they have supposedly spent a whole month now by the sea.
"Sakura?" Ino says.
"They're back."
Team 10 follows her gaze and then gives her understanding looks. Ino looks almost sad. Asuma-sensei looks grim, glaring at Kakashi-sensei.
Kakashi-sensei either doesn't notice them or pretends that he doesn't.
I hope that isn't an omen, she thinks to herself. He can't really be angry with me for what happened, right?
But then, as far as Kakashi-sensei knows she probably just quit the team without so much as a note to them. So maybe he does hate her.
"I guess you won't be doing missions with us anymore then," Ino says quietly.
"No, I guess not."
She turns back to team 10. It feels strange, thinking that she won't be a part of their team anymore. At this point she has spent more time with team 10 than she has with team 7. Asuma-sensei has become more of a mentor to her than Kakashi-sensei has ever been, traitorous as the thought feels, and she's more familiar with Ino, Choji and Shikamaru than with Naruto or Sasuke-kun.
"I'll miss you guys."