Last Time in Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged:
Almost of its own accord, my hand slithers forward to feel at her forehead. Everybody else in Twelve is sick; maybe she came down with something too.
But her forehead's not hot.
It's cold.
I stumble backward until the back of my legs collide with the bed Prim and I share. I sit down heavily, my eyes never leaving my mother.
My mother is dead.
My mother. Is. Dead.
And there's the Gamemaker twist.
oOo
Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged
by RoseFyre & FanficAllergy
oOo
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Tears in Rain
oOo
"All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain."
― Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
oOo
Something inside of me snaps, and I leap from my bed, my heart pounding in my ears. Peeta! I need to get Peeta.
I throw open the door to the outside, dashing off into the rain. I think I manage to close the door behind me, but I'm not sure. I don't pause to check. It's time I can't afford to waste. While I don't think I spent too much time staring at my mother's body in shock, I can't be sure. I need to get to Peeta before he gets back to the bakery. Before there are witnesses to overhear our conversation. Before everyone knows that Katniss, Primrose, and Aven Everdeen are now orphans.
As I run, my mind races in tandem with my legs. There's no way I can keep this a secret, even though a voice in my head whispers I should do so. It's been hard enough hiding my mother's illness; I can't hide her death too. Besides, there are penalties for concealing a death. Strict penalties. I don't have to report it immediately… at least I don't think so. But I don't know what to do.
I can't go to Haymitch, the most obvious solution, because he's ordered me to stay away until Monday. That's two whole days from now. I don't have two days. Not to mention my living with him would require a change in contract, and the contract office doesn't open until Monday either.
Why couldn't my mother have died yesterday? Or on Monday? Why did she have to pick the most inconvenient time? The hateful thoughts flitter through my mind before I can stop them. A rush of guilt slams me hard in the chest. What's wrong with me? I sound like Prim.
I need Peeta.
Even if he doesn't know what to do, his presence will calm me. I can't think. I can't reason. My mind jumps between snippets and fragments, all tinged with fear and despair. What am I going to do? What can I do?
Up ahead of me, I make out Peeta's broad shoulders and blond hair. I open my mouth to call his name but nothing comes out. I need him to stop. Why isn't he stopping?
As if he can hear my thoughts, Peeta pauses and turns. He looks around, confusion on his features. When he spots me, his expression shifts, morphs, into one of concern. His mouth parts, my name forming on his lips.
I barrel into him, my arms wrapping themselves around his broad chest.
He enfolds me in them automatically, pulling me closer, making me feel safe. "Katniss?"
"My—my mother," I manage to get out.
"Is she…" He doesn't finish the question.
I answer it anyway. "Yes."
He takes my hand, leading me off to one side. "When?" His eyes are intense.
I clutch his hand. It's the lifeline I needed. "Just now. I—I found her. She was—she was gone."
He swears under his breath. I understand why. There's no way of knowing how long my mother's been dead; for all I know, she could've died right after I left to go to Haymitch's this morning. There's going to be an investigation. There's no way around that. My mother's too young, her cause of death too mysterious. The Capitol won't let us sweep it under the rug.
No matter how much I'd like to.
Peeta takes a step back. "Are there any Peacekeepers you can trust?"
I have to think for a moment. "Darius? Maybe Cray."
"Only you, Katniss, would trust the two highest-ranked Peacekeepers in Twelve. You should try Darius first." He doesn't give an explanation as to why.
If I'm honest, I'd rather go to Darius first myself. He's already proved that he's willing to bend the rules in regards to me. He knows about my mother's incapacitation. Things will be easier with Darius.
Kind of.
"Do you know where we can find him?" Peeta asks.
"We can try his house. It's not too far from Cray's. Other than that, maybe the Hob?" I don't suggest the barracks or anyplace else. If he's out on patrol, he'll be with Purnia or another member of his squad. If he's at the barracks, that's just worse.
We get lucky. The lights are on when we reach Darius's house. I'm not sure if I should go to the front door or the back. This isn't Cray's, where I know my place. As a friend, I should go to the front door, but I'm here to ask a favor, so Peeta and I go to the back.
The door opens on the first knock. "Katniss?" Darius's expression mirrors Peeta's when he first spotted me. "What's wrong?"
"My—" I can't get the words out. Not again.
Peeta takes over. "Her mother. Katniss found her body. We've come to report the death."
Darius takes a deep breath. "I think you'd better take me there."
oOo
My mother hasn't moved since I found her.
Of course she hasn't moved, she's dead. My mother is dead.
The thought arrows through me, skewering me with its finality. I need to find a distraction. I can't watch as Darius examines the scene. Instead, I busy myself doing other, inconsequential, things. Things like putting water on for tea, picking up Aven's toys—anything to keep my mind off of the reality of the situation I find myself in.
Anything to keep myself out of that bedroom.
After several long moments, Darius joins Peeta and me back in the main room, a troubled look on his face. He takes off his helmet and sinks into one of our rickety dining chairs with a groan. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it; you're in trouble."
I place mugs of mint tea in front of him and Peeta before saying, "I know."
"From what I can guess, she's been dead since early afternoon or late morning."
I flinch.
"That means that you can't wait to report this until tomorrow and claim she died in the night," Darius continues, seemingly heedless to the guilt that's threatening to choke me. "I would've recommended that otherwise." He sighs and takes a sip of his tea. "What are you going to do?"
I know what he's asking. What am I going to do to keep Aven, Prim, and myself out of the Community Home? Unlike the rest of the government offices which shut down for the weekend, the tesserae office is open twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Only it, the Patriot's Office, and the Peacekeeper on duty are open that much. Not even the marriage department or the mine foreman keeps those hours. That means that the instant we enter the Community Home, Prim will be forced to take out tesserae.
A thought, a horrible thought occurs to me, and I sink into my chair with a heavy thud. My eyes meet Darius's across my battered and scarred kitchen table, a table etched with memories of a life that is now over. "Is the train in town?"
He knows what I'm asking. "Yes."
The guilt from earlier is replaced by despair. Despair that tightens around my heart and squeezes like a vice. I stare into the light brown depths of my tea and will it to drown me so I don't have to face just how spectacularly I have failed.
From beside me, Peeta pipes up, "The train? What does the train have to do with anything?"
I hear Darius shift in his chair. "You didn't tell him?" he asks me instead of answering Peeta's question.
"Tell me what?" Peeta wants to know.
I open my mouth to speak, but despair has stolen my voice. I look at Darius helplessly, pleading with him to explain.
Thankfully, he does. "I know Katniss has told you about how Peacekeepers are chosen. That those kids under eight are taken from the Community Homes and sent to Two for training and reprogramming." He takes a deep breath to center himself. "Well, the recruiters accompany the trains that drop off the district's monthly supplies and pick up the required quotas." He pauses. "All required quotas."
Peeta sits back in his chair, his shoulders drooping as understanding washes over him. "Oh."
"We can't go to the Community Home," I say finally, my voice hoarse and filled with unshed tears. "We just can't."
Darius reaches across the table, offering his hand to me. "Don't worry, Katniss, we'll figure something out."
I stare at his proffered hand numbly but can't bring myself to take it. Not because I'm rejecting Darius's gesture, but because I can't seem to move my arms. My fingers are numb, and even the warmth from my tea can't penetrate the cold that seems to be radiating from the center of my chest. I start to shiver. It doesn't matter that I'm sitting right next to the coal stove or that I'm still wearing the shawl Darius gave me and an old sweater of my father's, my body can't stop shaking.
Peeta scoots closer and wraps an arm around my trembling shoulders, pulling me close. I want to take comfort in his embrace, I do, but nothing—not even Peeta's love—can stop the terror from consuming me. I've lost. I've failed. Everything I've done, everything I've sacrificed, has been for naught. I couldn't save my family.
No one can.
The reflective surface of my cooling tea shatters, startling me out of my spiraling thoughts. What was that? It happens again, but this time I know the culprit: my tears. A wry smile crosses my face; I guess I'm having salt-flavored mint tea. I can't think of anything that sounds more disgusting.
"Katniss?" Peeta's voice is concerned, scared, and I turn to look at him. He's leaning toward me, uncertainty etched on his face. He wants to help but doesn't know where to begin.
Join the club.
Pushing my despair, guilt, and everything else I'm feeling into a box and metaphorically sitting on it, I turn back to Darius and ask, "What are our options? We need to figure this out before Prim gets here with Aven, which could be any time now." It depends on when she decides that she's done playing tonsil hockey with Rory. Or, more accurately, when she's done hunting in the woods and making out with Rory. But I don't want to say either part aloud.
"I don't suppose you have any family you could go to?"
"No one on my father's side. My mother's brother hates me." Even now I can't really bring myself to call him my uncle. He doesn't deserve the affiliation.
"So there's no chance he'd take you in. Not even for a couple of days to buy us some time." He leaves unspoken: for the train to leave. For Aven to be safe from being stolen from us… at least for another month. I could live with Prim's name being entered into the Reaping Bowl a few additional times. I don't want it, but I could live with it. But I don't know what would happen if Aven… I can't even bring myself to finish the thought.
To answer Darius's question, I shake my head. "He'd march us to the Community Home himself, and he'd do it with a smile on his face."
Peeta's arm slips from my shoulders to take one of my numb hands into his, carefully placing my undrunk tea on the table. "Your uncle's a bastard."
"You're right." He's not saying anything I haven't thought myself.
"So that's out," Darius says. He tilts his head. "Haymitch?"
I shake my head. "Sick. He told me to go home and not come back until Monday. Knowing him, he's probably passed out on his couch by now. And good luck waking him." I've been his housekeeper for long enough to know that.
Darius just sighs.
Peeta reaches into one of his pockets with the hand that's not holding mine and pulls out his watch. "It doesn't matter anyway. Unless we could rouse him in the next thirty minutes, the contract office will be closed until Monday."
Darius checks the watch on his wrist and makes a face. "You're right."
"And you're assuming that he'd take me and Aven and Prim. Sure, he likes us, but that's when he gets to send us home at the end of the day. I'd have to convince him to take us in." I think back to how long it took to convince him to hire me. Days. We don't have days. We have hours. Maybe. If we're lucky. And considering everything else that's gone wrong, I don't think luck is on our side.
"So Haymitch is for later. What do we need right now?" Peeta asks Darius intently.
I notice he's using 'we.' Like he's a part of this. Like it's his fight too. A tiny sliver of warmth penetrates the cold that settles into my veins.
"Homelessness and vagrancy are strictly forbidden. Every citizen of Panem must have a roof over their head. Part of a Peacekeeper's job is to patrol the streets to enforce this dictate." Peeta nods and motions for Darius to continue, which he does, "Katniss and Prim aren't the problem. Katniss and Prim are considered adults in Panem, so they could contract or indenture themselves in exchange for room and board. That would keep them out of the Community Home." His eyes dart to me. "It's less urgent for them, anyway. They won't be sent to Two. Aven is where it gets tricky. As a minor, Aven needs a caretaker. Aven's caretaker cannot be indentured. Technically, Aven's caretaker can't be contracted, but there's some wiggle room, because contracts can be amended or written to provide for the care of a minor child. So the Capitol tends to look the other way when it comes to contracted persons having dependents."
Understanding dawns on Peeta's face that I know is a mirror to my own. "So that's why Haymitch would work?" he asks more for clarification than out of confusion. "Katniss would be able to take care of Aven because she could amend her contract to make it so."
"Exactly."
"Why can't they just stay here until Monday?"
Darius sighs again. "The house and much of its contents are Capitol property provided to married or widowed citizens whose offspring are still living at home. With Katniss's mother's death, the Capitol is going to want its property back."
"Immediately?" Peeta sounds incredulous.
"Within a week. But it doesn't matter. The house isn't Katniss's or Prim's, therefore they have no legal right to live here. And, due to a vagary of Capitol law, citizens who have not passed their final Reaping are not provided housing by the Capitol. The house belongs to the Capitol who leased it to her parents. Now that her mother is dead, all ownership reverts to the Capitol. Katniss and Prim don't have a roof to provide Aven."
"So that's what we need. We just need a roof over Aven's head." He brightens as a thought strikes him. "Well, that's no problem at all! I'm sure Delly or the Hawthornes or the Lindens would be happy to provide that. Hell, I bet I could even ask the Mayor to look after Aven for a day or two."
"It won't work," I say, not bothering to explain.
"Katniss is right," Darius agrees. "Barring adoption, only family count as caretakers."
"And your uncle's an asshole." Peeta deflates again.
I nod.
Peeta turns back to Darius. "Isn't there something you can do?"
He raises an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"I don't know. Couldn't you take them in? You're a Peacekeeper!"
Darius turns to me, his sea green eyes sad. "If I could give Katniss what she needs, don't you think I would? If I could marry her and give her that protection, I would. But I can't. The Capitol won't let me."
"But what about a contract? Isn't that what you offered her before?"
Darius glances at his watch again. "Unless you can run to the Justice Building in less than ten minutes and make the clerk stay past closing time, that's out too. And it wouldn't matter anyway. Katniss is already contracted… to Haymitch."
I flinch again, sinking deeper into my chair. What had been my salvation just this morning is now a weight around my neck.
"What about marriage?" Darius throws the question out like he can't believe he's asking it.
Peeta looks at him, confused. "Didn't you say you couldn't marry her?"
"Not me," Darius replies, rolling his eyes. "You."
Peeta blinks.
"Although…" Darius says with a pensive look on his face. "You probably would need to marry Prim to keep her out of the Community Home. Katniss has an excuse; she could claim that she needs to stay at Haymitch's to take care of him while he's sick, and then just adjust the contract later. Prim doesn't have that protection. If you marry Prim, Aven would be safe with you."
A mixture of emotions flutter across Peeta's face. I can't identify all of them, or to be honest, most of them. But I'm able to pick out revulsion and despair. "Why couldn't I marry Katniss and just have Prim and Aven stay with us?" he asks in a plaintive tone.
"I suppose you could," Darius says slowly. "But you'd have to have permission from your parents to have Prim—and probably Aven—stay with you." His mouth purses. "Have you been officially declared heir yet? Signed the papers and everything?"
The question seems like a non sequitur, but it must make sense because Peeta shakes his head. "My parents are waiting until the Mayor follows through on making Johnny his assistant, and that won't happen until after his final Reaping."
"I thought so," Darius says with a nod. "Then you'd need permission from your father to have Katniss, Prim, and Aven stay with you. Because technically only the owner, which is your father, and their heir, who is currently unnamed in your case, can decide who lives in the business housing and who doesn't. So we'd need your father's permission."
If possible, Peeta deflates even more. "My father won't do anything without my mother's approval."
"And your mother hates me," I say morosely. "She hates everyone from the Seam."
Peeta squeezes my hand. "I can probably convince them. I mean, I convinced them that I wanted to be the Heir. It would just probably take more than a couple of hours." Peeta pauses and looks at me, his heart in his eyes. "But this is assuming that you want to marry me. That you want to marry anyone."
"I don't." The words come out before I can stop them. I hate that my honesty causes Peeta to look away dejected and sympathy to well in Darius's eyes. I hate that I'm so damaged and that my damage has broken Darius and Peeta in turn. I need to try to fix this. I reach out to stroke Peeta's face. "At least not right now. Not for this. I'd do it—of course, I'd do it. To protect Prim and Aven, I'd do anything." I leave unsaid that I've done pretty much everything. Sacrificed everything. Would I be willing to tie myself to a man for the rest of my life to save my siblings? Of course, I would. Do I want to? No. It doesn't matter how much I care for the person I'd be marrying. If I married them for no other reason than to save my siblings and myself, I would be prostituting myself just as much as when I went to Cray.
I don't want to do that anymore.
I look over and see that Darius is thinking the same things I am. He understands that I'd be selling my freedom and my future happiness to protect my siblings. And he knows I'd do it. That's why he never pressured me to choose him and why he respected me when I told him no. He wanted me to choose him for him and not what he could give me.
A tightening of Peeta's hand around mine brings me back to the present and my current predicament. "Hey, it's okay." He gives me a wan smile. "I'm not ready for marriage yet myself. Of course, I want to marry you, I've wanted that since I was five years old. But I want it to be your choice, not because you feel like you have to."
"Thank you," I say, squeezing his hand back.
"I hope you don't mind; I'm not going to ask Prim," Peeta continues, keeping his voice deliberately light. "I love her, but she's like my sibling. It'd be like asking Chet or Johnny to marry me."
"That's it!" I say, a little light going off in my head. "Chet! You should ask Chet!"
"To marry me? Isn't that illegal?"
"It is. Besides, isn't he already married?" Darius asks.
"Yes! Exactly! To my cousin, Jacintha! That makes him my cousin, right?" I ask Darius intently.
I can see the same light that went off in my head going off in Darius's own. "You're right. In the eyes of the Capitol, Chet is your family. He's an Eiken."
I turn to Peeta, frantic. "Can you do it? Get your brother for me?"
"And ask him to do what?"
"Ask him to save us."
oOo
AN:
Written: 10/16/21
Revised: 4/22/22
*shuffles in sheepishly* It's been a hot minute, hasn't it? No real excuses other than *gestures helplessly at 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022* I mean, it's only been *mumbles* years. *looks around shiftily* It's not like we left you on a horrible cliffhanger for that long. *glances back at the previous chapter* Oh. We did. Oops? Sorry about that! (Not really.) So right after this chapter was written one of us received a diagnosis of ADHD and severe depressive burnout while the other of us received diagnoses for two separate and unrelated types of cancer.
So yeah…
This chapter is mostly set up for the next arc to come. But it also covers some really important things in this universe and explains sort of what some of Katniss's limitations are. Fair warning: this chapter has a fuckton of important information in it. Shit that might not seem important really really is. Also, you might have noticed that Peeta isn't technically the heir yet despite us saying that he is. That's because being officially declared the heir is something that has to be done in writing and is an official document. It basically requires disinheriting the other potential heirs. And once you declare an heir, you can't go back on it. So, to be fair to Peeta's parents, they're waiting to see if the Mayor follows through on his promise in regards to Madge. (In our brains Mayorship is a mostly inherited title but the spouse is often the power behind the throne, so to speak.)
Besides, the Mellarks also want to make sure that Johnny and Peeta aren't Reaped, since if the heir is Reaped and dies, they'd have to redo all the paperwork—and pay all the fees again. Without the declaration of heirship, the business automatically passes to the eldest child. It's absolute primogeniture regardless of gender. So Peeta needs his parents to declare him heir; otherwise it passes to Chet. It doesn't matter that he's married to Jacintha who's the heir to the Apothecary. So while you can't inherit two businesses, if Jacintha and Chet have more than one child, one could take over the Apothecary and one could take over the Bakery, leaving Peeta out in the cold. We're basing this in part on actual legal heirship rules from the medieval period before male primogeniture became a thing. (There's a reason why Henry VIII and Edward VI's wills were important and relevant to the heirship of the English crown.)
(By the way, we wrote a side story if you want to know more about Katniss's parents and their relationship! Also about Peeta's parents and their history. It's called "Love Gives" and you can find it currently on Ao3.)
Additionally, as we've stated before, we wanted Katniss to try to save herself as much as she could—and while she did have a very deserved meltdown due to her grief and shock, she also is the one who came up with the possible solution. You'll have to wait uh… who knows how long… to see if her idea works. Also as for why she didn't go to Haymitch immediately, she's not thinking clearly due to grief. She thinks she is, but she isn't.
Darius is still very much a good doobie, and a good part of us still ships him with Katniss. But Peeta's also a good doobie, and both guys—to their credit—want Katniss to choose them for them and not because she feels like she has no other choice. Because let's be clear: if she marries Peeta for safety, she's selling herself to him as much as she sold herself to Cray. And to their credit, both Darius and Peeta know it. Remember, Katniss has really only been dating Peeta for about a month. Most people are not ready to marry somebody that they've only been dating a month (FanficAllergy's parents aside).
No promises on when the next part will be updated. It will happen when it happens. Cancer is a bitch. Burnout is a bitch. Thank you to everyone who commented on the previous chapter and other chapters during our multi-year year hiatus. Your words really did help us. Especially if they were more than just "update now"s. On the plus side, during our hiatus we did manage to become International Bestselling Authors with one of our anthologies! And we've set up a pretty successful editing business that's consuming most of our attention and available spoons.
You can get more information about our original writing at RoseLark Publishing
Let us know what you think! Your reviews inspire us to write more. This is especially true with fic. Since we don't get paid for this. ^_^ To those who do review, you're the reason we haven't abandoned our fics. We love you.
Until next time! Thanks for reading!