JENNIE
"I would give up flushing toilets for that man."
I look up from my phone toward the TV my aunt Vi is gesturing at or, more specifically, the very hot guy in a kilt she's referencing.
It's my third day over at Aunt Vi's apartment, eating Snackwell's and watching a show called The Seas of Time, about this lady who travels back in time and falls in love with a hot Highlander. I got addicted to it last year in the midst of my Scotland Fever, and brought over the DVDs for moral support. Aunt Vi's latest breakup (Kyle the Bartender) has hit her hard, hence the sexy time-travel show and cookies.
I frown, studying the guy on the screen. "I like Callum a lot," I say at last. "Especially his hair. But I feel like I enjoy flushing toilets more? Maybe?"
From her spot on the sofa, Aunt Vi sighs. She's showered today, which is something, at least, and her dark hair is pulled back in a messy bun. "You have no sense of romance, Jennie," she says, and I once again fight the urge to look at my phone.
It's been two weeks since I've seen Joy, two weeks since we were kissing in the tent in my backyard, and she was supposed to get back from visiting her nana three days ago. I've been waiting on a text, but so far, no dice.
It's hard not to make a connection between the return of Joy's ex-boyfriend and her sudden radio silence, but trust me, those are dots I'm really trying not to connect, no matter what Yeri said.
I know what me and Joy have, and it's not just "a distraction" or whatever. It's real. It's an us, like Joy said . . .
There's a buzz from the table, and I lean over, snatching the phone up only to deflate back into Aunt Vi's uncomfortable- but-extremely-stylish white leather chair.
It's a text, but it's from Sehun, asking me if Joy texted yet.
No, I type back, bagpipes and heavy breathing in the background. But she's still hanging out with Nana?
Another buzz, and there's a series of sad face.
Thanks for the positive vibes, I text back, frowning.
The phone buzzes again, but I ignore it this time, focusing on the show, where Callum and Helena are now lying down, thankfully covered up.
"Everything okay, kiddo?" Aunt Vi asks, and I nod, forcing myself to smile at her.
"Yeah, just . . . you know, worried about Callum and Helena. Soon this British guy, Lord Harley, shows up, and he's bad news."
Aunt Vi gives me a look, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. She's my dad's younger sister, and was born when he was in high school, so she's sometimes more like a big sister to me than an aunt. But every once in a while, she also tries the Mom Thing on for size, and I can tell that's what's about to happen now.
"You don't seem okay," she says, turning on the couch to face me. "Is it school?"
"It's summer break, Aunt Vi," I remind her. "But yes, in general, school is fine. School is always fine for me, you know that."
She screws up her face, looking an awful lot like me as she does. "I don't know where you got your nerd gene from," she says, "but it is strong with you."
I shrug. "From Mom, maybe?" And Aunt Vi's face immediately crumples into a sympathetic frown.
"Of course," she says. "Your mom was super smart. Way too smart to have married my brother, I thought, but there's no accounting for taste."
I smile back at her, not wanting her to feel weird, which is a thing that can happen when you bring up a dead parent, I've learned. Even with other family members. So I lighten my tone, crossing my legs as I say, "And being good at school equals scholarships, which equals money, and you know I love the hustle."
Aunt Vi laughs. "That you do."
Picking up one of the roughly five thousand throw pillows on her couch, this one in a slightly different shade of white—Aunt Vi is all about the monochrome look—she squeezes it to her chest. "So not school. Boy?"
I nearly glance at my phone again, but just manage to avoid it. "No boy," I say, which is true to the letter of Aunt Vi's question if not the spirit.
I can tell she's about to press further, but then, thank god, Helena and Callum start making out again and her attention is diverted.
"I miss Kyle," she says on a sigh, and okay, yeah, that's about enough of that.
Rising to my feet, I put my phone in my pocket and point to the empty cookie box on the coffee table. "Oh, look at that. We're out of cookies. I'll run and get some more."
Her focus now back on the television, she gives a faint nod, waving a hand toward the kitchen. "There's a twenty in that Himalayan salt dish by the front door."
I walk toward the bowl she mentioned, fishing out the twenty-dollar bill from a sea of change and ponytail holders. Once it's in the pocket of my shorts, I look again at the bowl, holding it up briefly, then, after a second, tentatively touching my tongue to it.
"This isn't actually salt," I call to her. "It's probably just a pink quartz."
"Nerd!" she calls back, but I smile as I put the bowl back down and head out the door.
It's warm outside—hot, really—and the sky is almost painfully blue overhead. Aunt Vi's apartment complex is in this new little community they've built that's supposed to re-create the experience of small town living, so just down a redbrick sidewalk, there's a little square with a drugstore, some restaurants, and a handful of boutiques.
I make my way past the fountain, letting my hand trail along the wrought-iron fence, my rings making a satisfying clinking sound as I do. I think my dad feels bad that we haven't gone anywhere this summer, but my stepmom had to work, and my little brother isn't even one yet, so this didn't seem like a great year for a Kim Family Vacation. I don't really regret it, though. It's given me a chance to do extra studying for the AP Environmental Science exam next year, plus I've gotten to hang out with Aunt Vi, who clearly needs me.
And then there's Joy.
As I step on the mat activating the automatic doors to the drugstore (just a chain store, but with a redbrick entrance and striped awning to make it look nicer than it is), my phone buzzes again in my pocket, and my hands fumble to pull it out.
Still not Joy, and my heart sinks a little.
Can you get tampons while you're there? Aunt Vi asks, and I text her back that I will.
Inside the drugstore, the air-conditioning is going full blast, raising goose bumps on my arms and legs, and I hurriedly get the cookies and the tampons, stepping back into the sunshine with a relieved sigh, the bag dangling at my side.
I turn to head back, and as I glance up, I see two people standing by the fountain.
The girl isn't facing me, but I'd know that hair anywhere.
Joy.
Like all my angsting over her text conjured her up or something.
Except I'm pretty sure that if I'd magically made Joy appear, I wouldn't have also brought forth Sungjae Yook.
And they for sure would not be kissing.
My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that it almost hurts, a dull roar in my ears.
They're kissing. Joy and Sungjae. Kissing. By the fountain because yay, cliché, I guess, and also kissing, kissing, Joy is kissing someone, and it's not me, and I am such an idiot.
My face hot and my throat tight, I duck my head and try to move past them as quickly as I can, tears blurring my eyes.
And maybe that's why I don't see the oh-so-charming old-fashioned sandwich board in front of Y Tu Taco También until I crash into it, sending it clattering to the ground.
"No," I whisper, possibly at the universe itself.
But the universe is clearly not on my side today because I hear Sungjae call my name.
Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I count to three before turning to see him and Joy walking over to me, their fingers interlocked as Sungjae pulls her along behind him.
Of course Sungjae has no idea that this is weird. As far as he knows, we're all friends. Have been since middle school. There shouldn't be anything weird about me seeing him and Joy together, and also together.
But Joy had said we were an us.
The us-iest.
And now she seems to be us-ing pretty hard with Sungjae. Again.
"Hi!" I say, way too loud, waggling my fingers at them. Unfortunately, when I lift my hand, I've still got the drugstore bag dangling from it, and the flimsy plastic strap chooses that second to slide off my wrist, sending two boxes of Teddy Grahams and one package of Tampax onto Sungjae's feet.
I hate . . . literally everything about my life right now.
Sungjae, to his credit, doesn't get weird about picking up cookies and feminine hygiene products. Honestly, that just makes it worse. If he were the kind of jackass who seemed afraid of tampons, I could at least feel superior to him.
I smile, taking my stuff and shoving it back in the plastic sack. "Thanks. Those aren't mine. The cookies or the . . . I mean, I eat cookies, and I use tampons, because duh, but I was just . . . my aunt . . ."
"No worries," Sungjae says cheerfully. "I have sisters."
"Right," I reply, but I'm still looking past him at Joy.
She's smiling at Sungjae, but I see the tightness of her shoulders, how she keeps playing with his fingers nervously.
I cannot cry here in this fake town square, holding tampons and cookies in front of a taqueria, so I nod, then jerk my thumb toward the next block.
"Well, hope y'all are having a good summer. I'm just gonna . . . head back. See you later!"
I've salvaged about as much dignity as a girl who just basically flung tampons at the girl she likes and the boy the girl picked over her possibly can.
I'm at the corner when my phone buzzes, and this time, finally, it's the text I was waiting for.
But all Joy says is I'm sorry.
I don't bother replying, making my way back to Aunt Vi's as quickly as my legs will carry me.
Unlocking her door, I toss the bag down by the not- Himalayan-salt bowl and go into the living room, flopping myself back into the uncomfortable chair, my face still flaming, my eyes burning.
On-screen, Callum and Helena are, for once, not doing it or being threatened by evil Brits. Instead, they're on horses, galloping over rocky terrain, craggy hills rising around them and disappearing into the mist.
Something lurches in my chest looking at them, and I think of the letter in my purse again. The school that I'd been turning down for Joy.
The phone in my pocket buzzes again.
I ignore it.
"I'd give up flushing toilets for that," I say to Aunt Vi, pointing at the screen. "You can keep the hot dude."
Aunt Vi looks over and blinks like she's just realized I've come back, then she laughs a little, shaking her head.
"Oh, right, you and the Scotland thing. Didn't you apply to a school there?"
I nod. We're in full montage mode now, Callum and Helena passing through valley and vale, and there are more of those green, stony hills, more shifting sunlight behind clouds, more glimmers of a gray ocean in the background. If I were there, wandering the Highlands in 1780-whatever, I definitely wouldn't bump into Joy and Sungjae. I wouldn't accidentally throw tampons at anyone. I'd be . . . a whole new Nini, probably.
"Well, there you go," Aunt Vi says, getting up and heading for the cookies. "You don't have to time-travel to get to Scotland."
She gets the box and comes back into the living room, frowning slightly as she sees I bought Actual Cookies, not those fat-free ones she usually buys. But then she shrugs and tears into the box anyway. "Literally just a plane ride away," she says through a mouthful of cinnamon bears. "You could be there tomorrow if you had a passport and enough money."
I stare at her for a second, then look back at the screen. She's right. Scotland is a real place. A place that's relatively easy to get to. A place with a school that already let me in.
"Yeah," I say to Aunt Vi, but I'm still looking at the screen, my heart thumping hard in my chest.
Getting away from here. Not having to deal with seeing Sungjae and Joy kiss against lockers. Not hearing Yeri's I Told You So, or seeing Lee's sympathetic looks.
I could just go somewhere else.
Start over.
Me.
Scotland.