I.

That day when Shinji made his usual stop at Misato's apartment, he noticed that she already had a visitor.

The door was ajar. From inside he heard the familiar voice of a young woman. Not wanting to interrupt with his arrival a conversation that, from the little snatches that he'd heard, seemed to be about an important matter, he decided to hang back on the landing, and without really intending to, began to eavesdrop.

"Please, Miss Katsuragi, you've got to help her!"

The vestibule just past the door opened onto a living room where two cushions had been set by a low table. On one of these sat Misato, cross-legged, resting her chin on the knuckles of one hand; on the one across from her was a woman bowing her head so low that her forehead almost touched the polished surface of the table.

Misato, obviously feeling awkward as a result of her guest's formal manner of supplication, panicked and made a flurry of conciliatory hand gestures to tell the woman it was really all right and that she could leave everything to her.

"It goes without saying I'll help!" she declared. "After all, I'm still her guardian, y'know!"

At this, the young woman before her finally lifted her head, a few strands of her brown hair still clinging to her freckled cheek. Shinji immediately recognized her. It was Hikari.

She smiled, relieved. "I don't know how to thank you. I'd gladly let her stay at my place, but she won't listen to reason; I've told her it's alright I don't know how many times, but she insists on setting out by herself, god only knows where to, and I know it's not her reluctance to impose..."

As she spoke, Hikari's expression seemed to grow pensive.

"As her friend, I can't just leave her be, not when she's in such a state..."

Unable to further restrain his curiosity, Shinji chose this moment to make his entrance.

"Good morning," he said as he kicked off his shoes by the welcome mat.

The women left off their conversation. Misato saw him and brought her hands together, beaming.

"Shinji! I totally forgot you'd be coming by today... Oh, come in, come in."

Hikari, too, smiled shyly at him, even as she appeared to be getting up to leave.

"Hi there, Shinji..." she said. "It's been such a while."

"Hikari!" said Shinji with all the belated surprise he could muster, at the same time weighed down by a sudden awkwardness. "What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since..."

"Graduation, right?" Hikari tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Shinji couldn't help but notice she looked much more put together, and prettier, than he remembered, her large brown eyes sparkling in the morning light. Gone were her trademark twintails, replaced by a single ponytail she'd draped over one shoulder. And he'd never known her to wear makeup before.

"I just stopped by to ask a favor of Miss Katsuragi. But it's nice to see you after all this time - you're pretty hard to get in touch with, you know..."

"Ah, well, I've just been busy with school...", Shinji replied, resisting the urge to touch the nape of his neck. "You're leaving already?"

Hikari nodded, and straightening up, smoothed down the front of her skirt. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm needed at my father's shop today", she said. "But we should catch up soon! In fact, here's my email address..."

From her purse, Hikari fished out a pink flip phone, from which, on a chain of multicolored beads, hung a little plush mascot character in the shape of a penguin.

They brought their phones together, and a beep indicated that the exchange of contact details was successful. Then they said goodbye, and Hikari took her leave.

Afterwards, Shinji settled down on the cushion she'd just occupied, still processing the meaning of this unexpected encounter, and gazing at the open doorway flooded with daylight that was only growing brighter, that she'd stepped through and disappeared. In the blue sky just beyond, a carp streamer was fluttering.

"Nice girl," Misato said after an interval, and with a mischievous grin. "A bit stiff, for sure, but in someone young it's actually kind of refreshing. How come you and her were never a thing?"

In reply, Shinji just glared at her. "Mind telling me what that was all about?"

All the good humor seemed to drain out of Misato's expression. She just sighed, levered herself off the table with both arms, then went to fetch a beer from the fridge. Not until she'd cracked the can of Yebichu open and taken a large swig did she bother to make a reply.

"It's Asuka. Apparently, she's back in Japan."

II.

Six long years had passed since Third Impact devastated the Earth. In a twinkling, the souls of billions had trembled on the edge of formlessness, and simply evaporated.

Is there anything one can do to 'process' a calamity of such an unprecedented scale, or to reconcile it with the ordinary procession of history? It may after all be that the only way one can move forward is by focusing one's energies on what remains to be done in the present, allowing the past to be past, to pass over it solemnly and without comment.

This was precisely the approach favored by those, like Shinji, who returned to life in the wake of, what may rightly be called, apocalypse. To mourn the past was a luxury that they who struggled to make it through the present could not afford. Shinji vividly remembered the faces of the schoolgirls crouching amid some ruins and warming themselves by a barrel fire, their ruddy cheeks, their ribbons and black sailor uniforms, and their laughter, which rang out as clear and carefree as the sound of wind chimes.

One day at a time, they rebuilt Japan. By carrying on as though nothing had happened, they were able to return to a new normal, and eventually, life regained a pace that eerily resembled that of life before Third Impact.

Even the sea had recovered its former blue - although if you stood on the beach on a clear morning and looked out onto the offing, you could still discern a faint discoloration that wasn't quite the orange of sunrise...

Shinji Ikari was 20 years old just then.

In keeping with the spirit of the age, he had endeavored to put his own past behind him, having use neither for regrets nor fond remembrances.

To him, the past was like a howling void into which the flow of time guttered endlessly, carrying away everything, all the people and experiences one held dear, eventually even one's own self.

Consequently he had always had little patience for the conversations of the grown-ups, especially those of Misato's generation, who, with their constant refrain of "Remember when...?", always seemed to him prematurely old. What he hated most of all was nostalgia.

All that mattered, the only thing that had any reality, was the "now", the shining present. It was only by means of the present moment that one could create a world worth living in. And even though one's future would eventually lapse into the irrecoverable past, this world was something that would endure.

Tokyo-2 University. Probably the single most prestigious institution in Japan just then. He was one of only a handful of students nationwide to clear the entrance exams even before his high school graduation proper. Though he'd aimed initially for the Faculty of Sciences, Shinji had inherited none of his brilliant mother's talent for physics, and by now he felt quite secure in his choosing the College of Law. At any rate, the important thing was he would soon be able to provide quite handsomely for himself and Misato.

That the shy, uncertain child who piloted the Eva had grown into such a responsible and single-minded young adult surprised everyone who had known him, and was a point of pride for Misato in particular, though she knew well enough it could hardly have been her influence. She recalled how Shinji had carried himself to cram school every day after class, without fail, even as she herself had urged him rest.

In fact, the more Shinji settled into his new life as a student of law, the more his former life as the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01 seemed like a dream to him.

Having convinced himself that he had overcome his past, he could think back on this former life without emotion, and even with some mild amusement, in just the way one thinks back on a bad dream one has woken up from.

It is against just such a background, that Shinji's reaction to the news of Asuka's return must be considered.

III.

"..."

Even after Misato told him the whole story, Shinji was silent. There was nothing he could bring himself to say. Even his face betrayed no emotion. He felt that his features had hardened unnaturally into a sort of mask.

Asuka had been in Japan for two weeks already. Apparently, she had been involved in some sort of altercation with her thesis advisor in Munich; it was said that she'd "lost her mind" and attacked him, and then had voluntarily dropped out of the program.

She no longer had any family in Germany, not since the passing of her father - but it was unclear why she'd chosen to come to Japan.

"I guess she felt she had nowhere else to go...", Misato reasoned out loud, trying to fill the air. "But, to be honest, I'm a little hurt she didn't think to get in touch right away."

At first, she'd stayed with some American school friends in Nagoya, but they'd soon kicked her out; whereupon she took the train up to Tokyo-2 and turned up at Hikari's doorstep, soaking wet from the rain, with nothing but a toothbrush and a duffel bag of her clothes.

There for the last week she'd slept on the couch, but now was insisting on setting out by herself again, she wouldn't say where. Hikari said she no longer seemed like herself.

"To tell you the truth... I'm afraid she might do something rash," she had added in a hushed voice. "She's clearly despondent. I've never seen her like this before."

So Hikari had requested that Misato take her in. Asuka was far too proud to reach out to Misato of her own accord, but if she could use her powers of guardianship...

Shinji stroked his chin. "Well," he finally said, "She's 19, still under the age of majority here in Japan. So you do have the authority as her guardian that she live under your watch..."

"That's what I'm hoping."

"Then, I guess you'll be giving her my old room."

Misato nodded. She was paging through her phonebook now. "You don't mind, do you?"

Shinji's old bedroom was the only one in the apartment besides Misato's own. What had once been Asuka's bedroom had long since been converted into a study for Shinji, and contained stacks of his books as well as his writing-desk. He would come by to use it whenever the thin walls of his dorm room disturbed his studying, which was often.

"Mind? Why would I mind? Go right ahead," he said.

Now it was Misato's turn to be silent. Briefly she opened her mouth as though to say something but quickly decided against it. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie.

"Anyway," Shinji went on. "This whole affair has nothing to do with me."

He turned on his heel - a little too quickly, Misato noted - and stepped into the kitchen, where he grabbed the apron off its hook, tied it behind his back, and then retrieved a carton of eggs from the fridge. Misato knew his moods, and knew this was what he did when upset.

"I hope you're hungry," he said, "Because I'm suddenly in the mood to make us a big breakfast. How about eggs benedict?"

IV.

Cooking was something he could do on autopilot; and yet, the attention to detail, the necessary fussing about when trying to bring out the subtler flavors of a broth, or to make the perfect poached eggs, meant there was little opportunity for his mind to wander; it meant total absorption in the present. Shinji found it to be a productive and relaxing way to pass the time whenever negative emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

Today was different, however. Try as he might to focus on his task, it had lost all interest for him, and he found his mind drifting again and again towards the past, towards Asuka.

He lifted an egg, its brittle shell still cold to the touch, and without quite realizing it began to space out as he gazed at it.

Eggs. Nowadays they were readily available, but in the early years after Third Impact they were strictly rationed. One carton, per month, per household, that had been the rule.

He recalled how he and Asuka would go separately to the supply depot, each pretending to be the child of a different family, or orphans, often using ridiculous assumed names and coming up with absurd sob stories to elicit the quartermaster's sympathy. Later, while walking home with their arms full of their ill-gotten gains, they'd compare notes, laughing among themselves and competing to see who could get away with the most outrageous lies. Naturally, Asuka was far better at it than he was, but he'd been determined to catch up...

That's quite enough, Shinji thought, coming back to the present. He sighed, cracked the egg on the edge of a bowl and got to work.

V.

It was over forty minutes before he was able to place on the dining table two plates of delicious-looking, glossy-poached eggs benedict, with a reduction of hollandaise, fresh salmon, and buttery wilted greens. As well as a french press full of dark coffee, from which he'd already helped himself to a cup, and was busy pouring another into a large mug which, in large varsity lettering, read "TODAI LAW: CLASS OF 2024".

In addition, he had opened a tin of sardines and placed it in a quarter plate. This was of course for Pen Pen, who it seemed had only just gotten up, having missed out on the developments of the morning.

"Lazy Sunday?" Shinji asked as he carefully sprinkled a final garnish of chopped green onions atop the eggs.

"Waa~ark," came the still-drowsing penguin's reply. Don't start...

Shinji looked over the table, making sure all the preparations were complete. He had laid out a fresh, white tablecloth, onto which the window cut the sunlight into four equal rectangles. Breakfast had been served fresh off the griddle and still steaming.

A slender ceramic vase in the middle held a few sprigs of lilacs, that he'd brought in just yesterday, and that were now in full bloom. They gave off a refreshing, summery fragrance.

Also, the radio placed on the windowsill had been tuned to the frequency of the Todai-2 radio channel, and from it issued Taeko Onuki's crooning voice:

"In this city of sleepless nights... A flood of murmuring light... A woman who colors the streets... Plays with your dressed-up heart..."

Everything was perfect. As he surveyed the scene with no small feeling of pride, Shinji found his mood recovering. In another life I could have been a successful restaurateur, he thought.

"Misato!" he called out, seating himself at table. "Breakfast is ready!"

More like brunch, he said to himself, glancing at the clock. It was past eleven. The whole time that he'd been cooking Misato had been on the phone, placing one call after another. Shortly, she put the phone back on the hook, and with a triumphant air, came and joined Shinji and Pen Pen at the table.

"Great news!" she said. "I've managed to locate Asuka. She's at a boarding-house downtown. The landlady happens to be a friend of mine, so I've asked her to keep her there until I can come pick her up..."

"Wonderful," replied Shinji, and busied himself with his meal. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until just now.

Misato finally noticed the sumptuous meal Shinji had prepared.

"Amazing," she said. "What a spread! You really spoil me, Shinji. When you're a big-shot lawyer and have to move away, I don't know what Pen Pen and I am gonna do..."

"Move away?" Shinji said, cutting a slice of salmon. "Even if for some reason I have to, you'll come with me. I mean, we're pretty much family..."

Misato laughed softly.

Shinji looked up at her. As she laughed her large brown eyes scattered the light. Outwardly, Misato had changed very little since Shinji had known her; her dark hair was as lustrous as ever, with its curtain of bangs framing her roughly triangular face and small chin - only she now wore it in a neck-length bob she supposed was more "dignified". This coupled with the imitation-pearl earrings and the purses she had lately taken to carrying lent her an air of housewifely sophistication Shinji knew had been her intention to cultivate.

Yet, try as she might to play the old maid, Misato at 35 was still very much a young woman, and neither these matronly adornments nor her muted fashion sense could dull her essential beauty, whose impact was felt immediately and undeniably by any man. Even now the freshness of her smile seemed to compete with the lilacs. Shinji couldn't help but feel that in distinction to other beautiful women, there was something vaguely indecent about Misato's charms. Her beauty was somehow unnatural.

He had a theory that it was just her immaturity and basically childish personality that preserved her youth. As far as possible, Shinji wanted to spare her trouble, and if anyone between them was going to be an adult and be weighed down by adult cares, it had to be him.

"But you know, Shinji," Misato said after a while, "One day you're gonna meet a girl, fall in love, and want to start a family of your own. Then I'll just be a burden, won't I? An old maid, useless to the world..."

It was not the first time they'd had this conversation, and Shinji knew perfectly well how to respond. He dabbed at his mouth with a napkin.

"Well, equally, one of these days you could meet a man to be your husband, and then who'll be the burden."

Misato blushed and cupped her cheek. "Don't you tease me like that. It's cruel, Shin-chan..."

She was secretly happy, of course, and Shinji didn't mind flattering her. This was the essence of their relationship; Misato would sigh after him, dote on him like an older sister, selfessly, tragically, and Shinji in turn would keep alive the hopes she had cherished as a young girl. Each wanted to see the other find an independent happiness, but in truth, neither could do without the other.

Just then Misato, apparently having spotted something out of the corner of her eye, froze. She then took Shinji's left hand within hers. There was a band-aid on the tip of his ring finger.

"You cut yourself?"

"While chopping onions," he replied. "It's no big deal."

Misato pursed her lips. She knew it was an uncomfortable topic for Shinji, but someone had to bring it up.

"Say, do you wanna come with me? To see Asuka?"

Shinji scoffed - he actually scoffed. For a while he fiddled with his cutlery on his empty plate and made a clattering sound. Then he cleared his throat, slid back his chair, and was about to get up when he noticed Misato still looking at him, still expecting an answer.

"To be honest, no, not really," he said, sitting back down.

"Well, she's going to be living here soon," Misato said, "I, um, understand how you feel, I think, but you can't go on avoiding her forever."

"I guess not..."

Can't I? He thought, looking at the ceiling, where the reflection from his glass of his water appeared to be swimming. He'd furrowed his brow unconsciously.

"So..."

"So, I'll see her when I see her," Shinji said, with a note of finality. "I'd like to come along for moral support, but you know how Asuka is..." He'd gotten up and was gathering everyone's dishes. "I'm just no good with scenes. Besides I think you'll have a better chance of convincing her if I'm not there."

Misato sighed, dejected. She knew it was useless to go on arguing with Shinji when he got like this.

"Fine. But you'll come by tomorrow. Please?"

Shinji held her gaze, and at length, finally relented. He couldn't bring himself to deny such a direct request from Misato.

"Alright, fine..." he said. "But don't expect me to stay long!"

This cheered Misato up instantly.

"Perfect! Oh, it's been so long since I've had both of you under the same roof..."

Misato appeared to have lost herself in the kind of nostalgic daydream Shinji so abhorred. He averted his gaze.

As he did so, his eye caught the clock again. He raised his eyebrows.

"You'd better be heading out soon, Misato..."

For it was almost rush hour in Tokyo-2.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'd really appreciate feedback. I've already started writing the next chapter and will upload it soon, but a review from you would go a long way to boost my motivation.

Also, the song playing on the radio is "Tokai" by Taeko Onuki, in case you wanna give it a listen.

Peace! See you all in the next chapter.