Figuring Things Out
It was after midnight.
Cloud sat up, shaking his head from side to side. The urge to clasp his forehead in a tentative palm from the dull throb aching at the pinnacle of his temple was too hard to ignore. He groaned as he glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, reading the time as already well past twelve.
He closed his eyes briefly, exhaling a sigh as if to ground himself. Hours had passed since he'd turned in for the night and he hadn't slept a wink, tossing and turning every time he'd tried to close his eyes. They would have to be up in a few hours to continue to Upper Junon, and even though exhaustion was crawling through his bones, Cloud found that no matter how he tried, he couldn't turn his mind off.
Sighing softly, he stared up at the ceiling. His thoughts were caught in a myriad of entanglements. On one hand, the demands and urgency of their pursuit of Sephiroth and the upcoming legs of their journey were weighing on him. There were still so many questions that demanded answers, and the fate of the planet and humanity hung in the precarious balance of it all. Their ragtag group had been assembled, seemingly on the fly, with the goal to somehow find these answers and put a stop to whatever it was Sephiroth was planning.
On the other hand - perhaps as equally if not more troubling - was the deterioration Cloud was facing that he had until they'd left Midgar been able to ignore. Holding a gloved hand up in front of him, Cloud winced, trying to recall events prior to his arrival in the City of Mako. Just as he had recounted in Kalm, though, he could remember nothing beyond the moment in the Mt. Nibel reactor five years ago, just after he had confronted Sephiroth. Everything faded into white from there.
The more they traveled, the worse the decay became. Conversations were often interrupted by headaches and bizarre flashes of white and grey that marred his vision. Words were omitted even as people spoke them. Voices were altered and sometimes, the pain was so great he thought he might fall to his knees.
Worse yet, Sephiroth appeared to him often. He tried to keep the visions to himself, but after their encounter with the Midgarsromr, Cloud knew that the party was onto him. The fact that they didn't share his seeming delusions frightened him more than he cared to admit. The only person who seemed to understand any of what he was going through was Tifa.
Tifa.
Cloud sighed again, pressing his palm to his abdomen, over the leather SOLDIER emblem that held his uniform together. He could still feel the faint burn of the hundred crunches he'd done when he returned to his room earlier that night, a subconscious effort to tether himself to the agreement he'd made to her before they parted.
At some point, he would spill his guts for her. The thought made him smirk slightly, and he sat up again, feeling his abdomen tighten as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.
Everything was complicated when it came to Tifa. It had been complicated before they left Midgar, but truth be told, Cloud had thought they were getting somewhere before things collapsed on the Midgar Expressway. Maybe he was reading into things, but he'd thought that he and Tifa were growing closer in a way that was welcome and inviting, the way he'd silently yearned for things to be between them since he was a scrawny kid who lived in a podunk mountain village. He still remembered how it felt to hold her in his arms that night in the garden, to feel her break down and trust him and him alone with her troubles and her hurts, to let him be the one to carry her burdens and glue her together.
Still, since leaving Midgar, the closeness of that night seemed to dissipate. As the world around them expanded, so did the distance between them. The bigger picture and the mission ahead of them took precedence over his feelings and his desires. There had been no time to spend catching up with Tifa or spending time alone with her, and the first chance he'd had, he'd blown it.
Wincing, Cloud shook his head and breathed out slowly. Their fight in Kalm, although forgiven now, was a blight on his psyche that would not soon be erased. He was grateful, though, for Tifa's grace and her forgiveness, and it had only deepened his resolve to do better by her. To say he regretted the doubt he'd let slip from his lips last night had been an understatement, but she accepted his apology without any strings attached.
How could she be so… good?
The more he thought about it, the more Cloud wished he had stayed with her to figure things out the way he'd promised, rather than running back to his room for another restless night. It was only after he'd turned to stare at her closed door had he realized there was so much left unsaid. Forgoing any notion of sleep at this point, he shook his head and pushed to his feet, grabbing his sword from its resting place against the wall as he left his room and stepped into the hallway.
The inn was quiet and the polished wood halls were dim aside from the faint glow of the mako-bulbs overhead. Cloud made his way down the corridor, stopping only to pause for a moment to stare at Tifa's door, right next to his. The urge to knock and see if she was just as plagued by sleeplessness as he was, to make good on his vow to talk things through with her, was strong. But it was after midnight and the last thing he wanted to do was wake her up or worse, come off as a creep. He was already at an emotional deficit when it came to things with her, even if they were on the mend.
He pressed on, heading down the stairs and past the lobby, stepping out into Under Junon's cobbled town center. A walk and some fresh air were sure to clear his head, and maybe get him to a place where he'd finally be able to find some sleep.
The night air was still thick, but with nightfall, the characteristic humidity had dropped and the crispness was inviting. Cloud headed in the direction of the pier, taking the stone steps as he breathed in the salty scents of the ocean that wafted in from beyond the shoreline. The faint mist that hung in the air cooled his skin, and he had to admit that it was not only refreshing but calming. He could almost hear the usual frantic, static noise that plagued his mind die down as he took in the quiet peacefulness of the fishing pier and its pebbled shore. After spending the last couple of weeks in Midgar, Cloud appreciated how their travels outside of the city had brought them into the unpredictable serenity of nature.
Being in places like Under Junon, though very different from Nibelheim's mountainous crags, reminded him distantly of home.
The sea glittered an inky color, reflecting the shimmer of stars overhead. Cloud paused for a moment, his eyes scanning over the water before drifting up to the sky. He felt a pang stab at his heart as he traced over the wide bands of stars in the sky, his thoughts drifting to Tifa again. He found himself replaying their conversation in her room over and over again in his mind: the diffident but convicted apologies, the teasing edge in her voice, the way she talked so carefreely to him about everything that was on her mind.
Even if the topics sometimes admittedly filled him with a tangible sort of jealousy. He wondered what Emilio would think if he saw him with Tifa now. The thought of it made Cloud grind his teeth together, and he found himself glancing back up the ridge towards the center of town where the inn sat, once again wishing he had the balls to open up to Tifa the way she wanted him to.
A trilled whistle in the distance pulled him out of his thoughts, and Cloud turned at the sound, his eyes focusing as he stared down the beach where the surf met the grates of the piers. A splash of water followed as the local dolphin that had been at the center of the day's events leaped into the air and descended again, followed by a bright, familiar giggle.
Tifa?
He knew that laugh anywhere.
She was sitting on the edge of the pier with her legs dangling over the water, her dark hair loose and being teased by the gentle night breeze. She bent over, and Cloud's enhanced hearing could just barely make out the sound of her whispering something to the dolphin as he passed back and forth in front of her. Cloud blinked, frozen in place for a moment as he watched.
What was she doing out here, especially this late?
She was none the wiser to his arrival, and as moments passed, Cloud found he couldn't stand here staring at her like an idiot any longer. His options were to approach her or leave without signifying her of his intrusion, but already his mind had discarded that choice.
The one thing he craved more than anything, deep inside, was to be closer to her. To spend time with her.
To figure things out.
Swallowing back astronomical levels of apprehension, Cloud turned and made his way along the sand-covered, stone pathway that led to the docks. His armor and sword clinking in their metallic casings seemed louder than sirens with every step that he took, but Tifa seemed none the wiser, the sounds of the surf and the dolphin's echolocations obscuring his approach. It was only when his boots thudded against the catwalk's surface a few paces behind her did she hear him coming, pulling her hand back from the dolphin's bottlenose to glance over her shoulder where she found him looming overhead.
"Cloud!" She exclaimed, crimson eyes sparkling under the moonlight. Cloud wondered if he was imagining that they lit up that way because of him. It didn't seem real that his appearance could make her so happy, especially with the way he had been fucking things up between them as of late. "What are you doing out here so late?"
"Could ask you the same thing," he retorted, nodding at the way that she sat at the edge of the pier with her feet in the surf. It was then that it dawned on him that she wasn't wearing her stockings, and her legs were completely bare, showing wide swaths of pale skin he realized he never had the opportunity to lay his eyes on before. It was debilitatingly distracting, and he forced himself to blink and swallow back the lump that formed in his throat. Trying to play his sudden stupor off, he crouched down at her side, sitting beside her and letting his legs hang over the side, his boots grazing the top of the water.
Tifa giggled, staring straight ahead at the moon-coated sea. The dolphin chirped and then dove underwater, disappearing and leaving ripples in his wake. "Couldn't sleep, I guess," she answered, kicking her feet back and forth. "This is the first time since Kalm we've had a chance to sleep in a bed, and I can't even enjoy it."
Cloud turned slightly, studying the profile of her face as her gaze shifted up to the sky. It was impossible for him not to be totally transfixed by the cute slope of her round cheeks or the way her dark lashes curved above them. He was so suddenly enchanted that he almost forgot to respond to her.
"A lot on your mind?"
It was a dumb question, he realized belatedly. Of course, a lot was on her mind. They'd fought in Kalm and they'd made up just a couple of hours ago, but beyond the drama of their personal relationship, there were the constant reminders of the traumas that Tifa was facing and the fact that she'd just been uprooted out of her home and forced on this aimless journey across the world. Just thinking about it made Cloud realize how little time he'd taken to stop and think about how all of his decisions in the last couple of days had come to impact anyone other than himself, but most importantly, her.
She smiled ruefully, nodding her head. "I guess I just didn't know what to expect," she told him.
"Expect from what?" he asked.
She glanced in his direction, and Cloud felt his cheeks flame as he realized she caught him staring then. He looked away quickly in an effort to appear nonchalant. Tifa huffed out a small breath, and the sound made his heart thunder.
"E-everything," she stuttered. "Leaving Midgar, finding you again…"
Her voice trailed off, and it forced Cloud to glance back at her. Her eyes had that familiar shine in them again, their deep red hue shimmering like the carats of gemstones. Her head was cocked to one side now, a spill of her silky ebony hair draping over one bare shoulder. In the blue darkness of Junon's night, it was so alluring that Cloud felt a forbidden but familiar heat pool low in his belly, the urge to wet his lips almost uncontrollable.
"Me?" he said stupidly.
Tifa laughed, swinging her feet against the surf again. A splash of water found its way kicked onto Cloud's fatigues, and he grimaced slightly before turning to her and finding the playful smile pulling at her lips. He couldn't help but return it with one of his own.
"Like you said," she sassed, "We have to figure things out. Isn't that right?"
Cloud swallowed. The heat swelled in his gut, and it was suddenly uncomfortable where he sat. Tifa began to swing her bare legs back and forth even faster, and something about the movement was oddly familiar. A memory clung to the fuzzy edges of his mind, reminding him of the last time he'd seen those same legs on a much younger Tifa under a ribbon of sea-green cotton, stars glittering above the blurred-out landscape.
"Yeah," he agreed almost breathlessly, his eyes tracing their way up her calves and thighs, where the swell of her hip stretched the soft leather of her skirt and then led to the sharp indent of her waist. Cloud pulled his eyes away before they could travel to the soft pendulums of her breasts, a hot mix of shame and desire washing over him as he turned back to the horizon. He was reminded of the scar she bore there and how it had come to be, and suddenly, his heart was filled with anxiety and the crushing reminder that he didn't deserve any part of her.
"Yeah?" she prodded him, leaning closer and bringing her scent with her. Cloud inhaled a little louder than he intended, the vanilla in her shampoo pleasantly dizzying. The compulsion to reach his arm out and wrap it around her was frighteningly strong, and he tried to distract himself by staring down at his hands.
"I meant what I said," he responded, his voice cracking in the most embarrassing way possible. "I didn't mean for things to get this way between us, Tifa."
Once his mouth was open, the words came out without almost any effort at all. He instantly blushed as soon as he spoke them, clenching his fingers into fists as he avoided her gaze. His eyes widened in surprise at the sudden warmth of Tifa's hand on his forearm, and he turned to her, realizing she wasn't wearing her gloves.
"You don't have to apologize again, Cloud," she told him softly, her voice low and husky in a way he couldn't remember ever hearing. "I know you're doing your best. For that, I'm grateful."
Cloud wanted to crumble into a million pieces. Tifa was simply too good, especially for him. She was too forgiving and too gracious. She was too understanding. He didn't deserve any of it, but the warmth and gentleness she exuded towards him left him at a crossroads of what to do next.
He could run the way he had been doing. Shuck it off until the next opportunity, delay the inevitable. Or he could give in to his desires and the open door that she kept leaving for him, pushing aside his doubts, his insecurities, and the virulent voices in the back of his mind that seemed intent on keeping him from her.
He wanted to figure things out. He wanted to close this gap that kept swaying between them like that precarious bridge they'd fallen from as kids. He wanted to erase the doubt that clouded his mind and give in to the impulse to absorb the softness and the gentleness that she offered with every smile.
Steeling his resolve, Cloud dropped one hand atop hers where it rested over his forearm, cursing his gloves and eager to rip them off. How badly he wanted to feel her bare skin, to capture the heat of her beneath his touch. He did his best to control the surge of impulses inside of him, letting his eyes meet hers.
"I'm the one who should be grateful, Tifa," he told her. "I'm just glad that we're together again. I'm going to do better for you. I promise."
Her eyes widened slightly, a soft gasp escaping her lips as they parted. Cloud watched as her top lip separated from the bottom, and he was suddenly consumed with the need to kiss her. He was desperate to find out how she tasted, to learn if her lips were as soft as he imagined and if her tongue was as hot as he had hoped.
She blinked those pretty scarlet eyes at him again, and Cloud realized that a rope of tension was pulling between them, the humid ocean air singed by it. Tifa's eyes lowered, dropping to his lips. The simplicity of it was enough to push him forward, and he found himself giving in to the desires that had plagued him since the moment she found him in Sector Seven, leaning in closer to her and tilting his head to the side.
Cloud closed his eyes just before he felt Tifa's lips touch his, another soft gasp escaping from the gap between them. They were pillowy soft, flooding his entire body with warmth the moment they connected. The rush of emotions that swirled through him unsteadied him where he sat, and he reached out one hand for Tifa's shoulder, holding onto her as their soft press deepened slightly, lips slotting together.
Cloud's mind began to white out. He was beginning to suspect that what was happening wasn't real but instead a dream, that maybe he had fallen asleep in his room after all and this was just a pleasant fantasy unfolding somewhere in his fucked-up mind. But it felt real - so very real, Tifa's lips so soft, the warmth of her body weakening him down to his marrow. The urge to pull her closer to him was impossible to ignore, his left arm snaking around her narrow waist and hugging her against his body as he deepened their kiss.
This was the first time he'd done anything like this. To share a moment as serendipitous as this with Tifa Lockhart was enough to undo the remaining threads of sanity in his brain. He held onto them as tightly as he did her, his fingers curling into the silk of her hair as he desperately avoided every animal impulse that threatened him with each passing second.
He was kissing Tifa Lockhart.
Tifa.
It was then that she moaned, a soft, fluttering sound that danced over the corner of his mouth when his tongue swiped across hers. Heat and pain all surged towards his groin at once, and he shifted uncomfortably, his fingers digging against Tifa's shoulder blade as he held her close.
"Tifa," he panted, unable to form any other coherent thought.
She puffed out a hot breath against his lips in response, her small hand sliding up his thigh. Cloud stifled a gasp of his own, the warmth from her hand seeping past his fatigues and surging straight to his core. He kissed her with renewed fervor, their tongues sliding together as he reveled in the soft press of her breasts against his chest.
A thunderclap resounded in the distance, but Cloud paid it no mind, curling Tifa even tighter to him. The possession that he always felt towards her surged into something feral, and now that he was acting on his long-held passions, he found it impossible to hold back any longer, his fingers slipping past the leather of her suspenders to dig into the soft skin of her lower back. She was like malleable clay in his hands, yielding to the sculpt of his fingers and the mold of his body.
It was only when the sky began to open up in earnest did Cloud realize that they were sitting there like two doves on a branch in the rain. It came downing swiftly, a pattering of raindrops quickly transitioning into a full-on downpour. It was Tifa who noticed first - or perhaps, she was more willing to end their kiss than he was - and she broke away, looking up at the sky.
"We'd better get inside…"
Cloud nodded, restraining the urge to swear. He could still taste her on his lips and it was unbearable to have to end a moment that he had to admit he'd been waiting for his entire life. But he couldn't let Tifa sit out here in the rain, already they were both getting drenched.
He got to his feet quickly, offering her his hand and helping her to her feet. He steadied her as she slipped her boots back, then held her hand as he led her back towards the stone stairs and the town center.
"Watch your step, it's slippery."
His skin was chilled all the way through by the time they reached the inn, and Cloud could see from the way that Tifa shivered as they made their way up the stairs and down their hallway that she was just as cold. It spurred a deep desire within him to care for and protect her, to wrap her up in his arms and keep her safe and warm. But he had already made out like a bandit that night as it were and so he figured he best not press his luck.
Stopping at her door, he scratched the back of his neck as she slid the key into the lock. "Uh, I guess I'll see you in the morning," he stammered.
Tifa slipped the door open, and he could feel the warmth of her room beckon him from its quiet darkness. Tifa turned to him, and he could see the pink highlights on the tops of her cheeks.
"You're all wet, Cloud," she whispered, even though they were the only two people in the hallway and the rest of the inn was likely asleep. "And I know you won't bother drying off properly before going to bed."
She didn't say more than that, just turned and disappeared inside her room. But she didn't have to. Without even considering it, Cloud followed her inside, closing the door behind him and locking it with a soft but audible click.
The hearth was still burning with a quiet fire, and the heat it inspired in the room was instantly welcoming. The lighting was low, a bedside lamp the only source providing any glow. Cloud watched from his position by the door as Tifa slipped out of her boots and then her suspenders and skirt, leaving her in the soft spandex of her tank top and shorts.
He swallowed, feeling that familiar heat begin to bubble and rise inside of his belly. She was comfortable with him, and he admitted that it made him feel a sense of pride and perhaps even security to know that she felt safe enough in his presence to be so unguarded. He watched as she slipped into the bathroom and came out with a thick, fluffy wrapped around her head and another in her hand.
"Don't want you to get sick," she insisted, sitting on the bed cross-legged and patting the space in front of her.
Like a puppy learning to heel, Cloud crossed the room and paused only for a moment before he sat next to Tifa on the bed. She smiled at him, and Cloud took the moment to appreciate how devastatingly beautiful she was with her hair pulled away from her face like this. Her delicate nose and wide, almond-shaped eyes, her inky arched brows and those thick, pillowy lips he had only moments ago been ordained to kiss - there was something divine about all of it. Tifa was the kind of classic, natural beauty that could make a man fall to his knees, and Cloud wanted to be the only one with such a privilege.
He was so transfixed that he almost missed the way that Tifa began to fuss with the towel over his messy spikes of hair, absorbing all of the excess water out of them. He closed his eyes and let her continue her ministrations, the gentle but firm movements of her hands across his scalp so soothing that he found himself leaning into her touch, the urge to moan out loud almost overwhelming.
Wouldn't it be nice to have her touch him this way all the time?
Before he could savor it too much, Tifa pulled the towel away along with the one from her own hair, stepping away to return them to the bathroom. Cloud watched her every step of the way, her dark hair now smoothed and only slightly damp swinging past the base of her hips, and he was instantly saddened by the thought that now, he'd really have to return to his room.
He started to get up to do just that when Tifa returned to him, sashaying those hips with a little more sway than necessary. She cocked her head to one side so that her hair draped across her shoulders, and offering another smile, she knelt beside him on the bed.
"You're going?" she asked, a little too sweetly for his blood.
Cloud blinked, completely unable to tear his eyes away from hers. "Don't you need to get some sleep?" he asked.
She shifted closer to him on the bed, and that sugary vanilla scent wrapped around him again, causing his blood to surge in his veins.
"Don't you ?" she asked teasingly, dropping her palm to his forearm. With the way that her crimson eyes sparkled at him mischievously under the low lamplight of the room, Cloud suspected that she was testing him again. He couldn't avoid looking down at her lips as she leaned in closer, the savory memory of their kiss on the pier just moments ago reigniting itself in his neurons.
His skin sparked with electricity when Tifa dragged her fingertips to the cuff of his left bracer, meticulously unclasping it as she innocently let her eyes drop to his arm. He had no idea what the hell she was doing, but he was powerless to stop her. He simply stared and studied her face, trying to ignore the arousal that swelled between his legs and left him suddenly very uncomfortable. He shifted, watching as Tifa disarmed him of his armor and gloves and the bandaging around his forearm, carefully placing them off to the side.
"There," she purred softly, rubbing both of his arms up and down with her small palms. The warmth and softness of her hands was debilitating. "That's better, isn't it?"
"Tifa…" Cloud warned, his voice low and gravelly, breaking in half over her name. The urge to kiss her again was so overwhelming, and the way she touched him and spoke to him with such innocent gentility was pushing him right over the edge.
"Cloud," she whispered his name back at him, closing the small gap between them as her eyes lowered and then closed.
Cloud didn't hesitate to respond. He instantly closed his eyes as well, pulling his arms away from Tifa's hands so that he could wrap them around her waist as he leaned in and let their lips fall messily together. The warm intimacy of her bedroom was a stark difference from the cool breeziness down by the beach, and for that reason, it colored this encounter differently. There was no stopping the frantic passion that was threaded behind this kiss, and with a closed and locked door sheltering them from the rest of the world, it was impossible for Cloud to avoid the natural impulse to bury himself in her.
Tifa was everything to him, and no matter how fucked up and damaged he was, she was all he had left. At this point, she was the last thread that was holding him together. He still couldn't fully understand the stirrings he felt deep in his soul whenever she was near, but they always cleared up the cobwebs in his skull, always made him feel like he was a little bit more himself and not somebody else. He could breathe when he was with her, and right now, he realized that he needed her more than he needed air.
He hoisted her into his lap, falling backward on the bed and leveraging himself on one elbow. Tifa's sweet, pouty mouth attacked his, her kisses somehow bordering between shy and demanding. Her hands left his sides and surged up to his cheeks, cupping them gently and holding him in place as their kiss lingered on and on. He remained still and let her kiss him with all of her will and passion, the soft little moans that began to escape from her throat collapsing him from the inside out. His arm tightened around her waist, anchoring her to him so that their centers pressed hot together and her knees dug into his thighs.
Tifa murmured another unintelligible sound and then began to divest him of his pauldron and harness, tossing them aside. She pulled at his sweater, coaxing it out of his pants and only breaking their kiss long enough to encourage it over his head. Cloud groaned, raising his arms obediently before grabbing and kissing her again with a little more force than necessary.
Tifa was his. He'd wanted her for as long as he could remember and right now, his entire being was constructed of nothing but the urgent, inexplicable need to be with her. Tifa held him together even when he didn't deserve her, when his brokenness and failure laid ruin to all of her beauty and perfection. But she always accepted him, loved all of his severed pieces, and in this moment, her kisses were sewing him together again.
Her hands ran hot over the curved muscles of his biceps and down the flat planes of his chest and abdomen. The soft heat of her fingertips scalded him, and Cloud groaned into her lips impulsively and rolled over, crushing Tifa's body beneath his. He couldn't stop the sudden surge of power that infiltrated his limps or the hasty need to dominate; Tifa dragged these feelings out of him and at this point, his body was acting of its own accord.
His fatigues were no longer damp thanks to the warmth of the hearth in the room, but they were damn uncomfortable and he was eager to be out of them, to be skin-to-skin with Tifa. And he was eager to get her out of the last of her skivvies, too. Nipping the fat pout of her bottom lip, Cloud rutted his hips against hers as his hands returned to her waist and slid upwards, his thumbs hooking under the soft elastic of her tank top.
"Tifa," he groaned as if asking permission.
"Go on," she consented breathlessly, resuming their kiss and scraping her fingernails lightly down his obliques.
Cloud growled again and helped her out of her tops, his cheeks reddening the instant her breasts fell free. His eyes dropped to them, first admiring their swollen peaks and the pretty pink nipples that had stiffened into stones there. But at the base of her ribcage, he saw her scar again, and a dangerous pain stabbed at his temple.
The scar. The one she had shown him in Kalm, the one that had been at the center of their fight. The one she'd shown him when he doubted her, the one that Sephiroth had imprinted on her beautiful flesh.
Sephiroth.
Cloud felt himself shutting down. He was beginning to shake, a fierce blend of anger and despair wallowing somewhere low inside of him and threatening to rise further and further into his chest and throat until it choked him like bile. He closed his eyes, ready to push away from her and curse himself, unsure how he ever thought he deserved to be here like this with her.
His hateful thoughts were silenced by the warmth of her palms on his cheeks again. He opened his eyes, looking down to find her blushing and nervous but staring at him resolutely nonetheless. Her thumbs sweetly stroked the crests of his cheeks, both passing across his nose and down his lips.
"It's okay," she whispered softly, her voice like the gentle breeze that floated over Junon's evening sea. "You're okay. We're okay."
His heart rate calmed and he let out a breath, tears stinging the corner of his eyes. He didn't know how he could survive without her. And if there were ever an opportunity to show her how badly he needed her, how much he loved her, and how important she was to his very existence, now was the moment to take it.
He nodded, taking her hand in his, and moving it away from his face. He kissed the inside of her palm, and then her wrist, right against her pulse point. She shivered visibly, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she parted them. He took the opportunity to kiss her again.
Their coupling became frenzied from there, natural and blurred by passion and want. His hands traveled down the curves of her body, learning every valley and road and bend, alternating between forlorn squeezes and feathery brushes of sensitive skin. He managed to help them both out of the rest of their clothes - his pants and boxers discarded, her shorts and panties carefully slid away - and settled himself between her legs, holding her body close. She was so warm and welcoming, her body pliant yet powerful.
He was where he always needed to be.
"I've always wanted you," he found himself murmuring against the column of her throat as he learned exactly how she yearned to be kissed there.
"Cloud," she responded almost brokenly, her voice caught between impatience and disbelief, the cry of his name a confession of her own.
The sounds that Tifa made in the throes of passion were one of the most devastating things about her, Cloud quickly realized. Tifa was usually reserved and fairly serious, often betraying the trauma and the tragedy that she lived with. But under his touch - under his kiss and his love - she was vivid and free.
It drove him crazy.
"Oh," she cooed, grinding her hips up against his. His cock was hard and burrowed in the warm crevice of her thigh, and he could feel her wetness when her center brushed against hers. "More, please."
Far be it from him to keep Tifa waiting or deny her what she wanted. Cloud kissed her slowly this time, indulging himself in her lips while he slid one hand down the taut expanse of her tummy and down to her core. His fingers dipped lower between the wet heat that he found there, parting her silky folds and carefully finding the sensitive nub of her clit. He drew a tentative circle over it, and Tifa gasped, forcing her thighs wider apart under him, breaking their kiss so she could burrow her face into the crook of his shoulder.
"Cloud, please," she begged.
Cloud sighed at the harried way she cried his name, rubbing her and curling his head to one side so he could resume licking hot stripes down her throat. She was so wet and her scent was intoxicating, and he paused the way that he teased her clit just long enough to gently circle and rub her tight opening, sliding a finger inside up to the second knuckle.
How badly he wanted to be inside of her.
As if reading his mind, her hand slid down his abs, finding his dick hard and leaking against her thigh. She wrapped her hand around it, giving him a few shy and uncertain tugs. Cloud bit the tender flesh above her clavicle in an effort to avoid crying out.
"Tifa, I wanna -"
"Please," she whined, rolling her hips again to increase the friction of his fingers on her clit. "I need you, Cloud…"
That was all he could take. Leaning over to kiss her deeply again, Cloud reluctantly slid his hand away from her slick pussy so that he could take both her wrists in one hand and pin them above her head, the other hoisting her thigh up and apart so he could find the best angle to enter her from.
"You sure?" he asked her, mako-blue eyes blazing into fiery red. He was so far gone at this point, but he had to ask. He still couldn't believe this was even happening.
"I'm sure," she declared, throwing her hips up at him again.
Cloud nodded and kissed her one more time. He was so desperate to fuck her into this mattress but he was careful to control himself and his strength. Ever since Midgar, he had been learning how to handle her with care - as powerful as she was, she was still delicate and she was still precious. Now was not the time for him to regress in his studies of everything Tifa Lockhart.
He tamped down his wild urges, holding firm to her wrists but careful not to squeeze too hard. He was nearly feral at the way that Tifa arched her back then, her full tits wobbling from side to side, her nipples pebbling even harder as he slid the head of his cock between her folds with his free hand. She closed her eyes in anticipation and gapped her lips, sighing and gasping as he began to push inside, taking her slowly and feeling all of his senses drain as she swallowed him whole.
She was wincing slightly, and knowing it was her first time just as it was his, Cloud was determined to make this as painless as possible for her. He chewed his bottom lip and studied her face, returning his fingertips to her clit to ease his penetration with gentle taps and rubs. Her hissing shifted to soft moans, and Cloud let his hips sink lower, allowing his length to fill her.
He held back the urge to swear when he bottomed out inside of her. Everything was suddenly overwhelming to his senses - the lamplight too bright, her breathy moans and sharp cries too loud, the sensations that wrapped around his cock and his heart alike too overpowering. He closed his eyes and breathed to center himself, his heart pounding like streetcars against pavement in his chest.
Tifa let out another whimper and Cloud opened his eyes, looking down at her. The look on her face was a blend of desperate and adoring. His hips were fighting to snap against hers, but he held back and interlocked their fingers above her head, rubbing their noses together as they stared at one another.
"Does it hurt?" he asked.
She shook her head, offering him a small smile. "F-feels good," she panted. "Please, Cloud. I need…"
"I know," he reassured her. "I've got you."
He kissed her again and got to work, pulling out slowly. His entire body trembled at the sensations that ran through him, and he closed his eyes, leveraging his weight on his other hand to avoid crushing her. She held onto his shoulders and locked her legs around his waist, staring up at him with mouth agape as she waited for his next thrust. Swallowing back the immense pleasure that assaulted his nerve ending, he lowered his hips, filling her completely.
The way that Tifa threw her head back and moaned undid him.
Cloud growled an animal sound and did it again, pulling his hips back and then thrusting back in. And again. And again. Over and over and over again, rolling his hips and making love to her deeply, pushing her thighs back so he could reach her farthest parts. Her walls tightened and clenched around him, the stretch of her torso so sensual beneath him that he committed it to memory right then and there.
She moaned and gasped and begged, pleading his name, and Cloud gave it to her. Gave her everything she wanted and needed, everything that he needed, every stroke and thrust bringing them closer together in a way he realized he'd needed for weeks now. This closeness was sublime, but it wasn't just about the lovemaking - it was about the connection that they shared, their spirits and their souls intertwined.
She was whining louder now, her body tightening up under his. His body couldn't help but respond in kind. He was so close, but he needed her to come first. He would never forgive himself if he didn't give her everything she absolutely needed before he let himself be gratified.
Closing his eyes, he buried himself in her, thrusting and rolling his hips with everything he had. Tifa cried and scraped her fingernails across his back, the sting of pain making his bloodlust surge. He kissed her as he fucked her through her orgasm, listening to her sobs echo into his throat as he finally let go and filled her with his own. The blinding, euphoric sensations rolled through him, and Cloud could hardly breathe, burrowing his face into her shoulder now to reclaim some semblance of control.
Long moments passed as they waded through the aftershocks, both their bodies pulsing with pleasure. Tifa continued to hold him close, her chest heaving under his as she sucked in air, her sobs of ecstasy dying down to tiny hiccups. Cloud blew out a puff of air and released her hand, instead curling his arm around her and carefully shifting to his side so he was no longer lying on top of her. She moved with him, keeping his softening length buried inside of her and her thighs pinned around his hips.
"Fuck," Cloud found himself muttering as his heart rate began to calm and his mind cleared. Tifa giggled at his vulgarity, and he glanced over at her, blushing when he found her staring up at him with adoration in her sleepy carmine eyes.
"Does this mean we've figured things out?" she asked him lightly.
Cloud smirked, reaching over to turn the lamp off and then pull the blankets over them. He wrapped both arms around her, pulling her in tight to the inside of his body, her soft breasts pressed warm against his chest.
"I'd say it's a start," he chuffed back in response.
He kissed her forehead, and Tifa burrowed against him, holding him tight around his waist. Her soft breathing slowed as she fell asleep, and it wasn't long before he joined her, content and at peace.
At least, for a little while.