I pricked some penne on the tip of my fork and raised it to my lips, trying desperately to pretend that I wasn't utterly aware of everyone staring at me. Their bated breaths certainly didn't help matters.
"You all don't have to, um, watch me eat, you know? This is probably super gross to you so, like, feel free to bail or whatever."
"Just take a bite, Bella," Alice encouraged, "Esme has been waiting to ply her cooking skills on a real-life human for a while now. There is only so many muffins you can force upon unsuspecting nurses, right, Mother?"
Esme wrinkled her nose with feigned annoyance, her doting glances betraying her.
"Yes, Carlisle's colleagues have contemplated banning me from the hospital, but that is irrelevant, Alice. Bella, do not let us pressure you. We will all leave and give you some space."
"No!" I objected quickly, "It's fine. It would just feel a little more comfortable if everyone sat down at the table, that's all. I feel like a monkey in a zoo."
With a flurry of blurred forms and skidding chairs, the whole family darted into seats.
It wasn't a drastic change. Instead of staring at me from afar, they now stared from a much closer vantage. At least it was something.
I gazed around the room, fork still hovering in mid-air, and tried not to feel so small whilst surrounded by leering vampires. The plush high-backed dining chairs, large glass-topped dinner table, and expensive-looking paintings gilding the walls, made this is a very difficult task.
I took a bite, chewing thoughtfully.
Cream, garlic, herbs, pesto.
Not bad.
"It's delicious!" I grinned, more overjoyed by the evaporating tension than the meal itself.
Esme's face lit up with undeniable pleasure. Without warning, Alice's siblings wordlessly filed out of the dining room.
Now the ominous staring made a lot more sense - they'd only hung around to make sure I was appropriately appreciative of their Mother's handiwork.
I wondered what would have happened if I'd failed the test?
Esme was the only one to dawdle, confirming I had everything I needed before rushing back into the kitchen.
Alice remained by my side - her cold hand brushing over my shoulders. I could hear the blaring soundtrack of a video game vibrating through the walls, and I smiled to myself.
It took me a while to realize that Esme hadn't been the last to leave, after all.
Rosalie skulked across the room, her hand lingering on the doorframe as she paused to glower at us.
Her piercing eyes zeroed in on me and opened her mouth to speak.
"Not now, Rosalie. Please."
I gnawed on my lower lip as I watched the two stare each other down.
I lowered my head and pretended Esme's pasta was the most fascinating thing in the whole world.
As I spun some penne around and around with the tip of my fork, Rosalie abruptly turned and left.
"So," I broached after an awkward beat or two, "Are you going to tell me what that was about?"
"No," Alice replied bluntly.
"Why not?"
"Because it is not for me to say. But, rest assured, she will get her chance to speak," Alice ground her teeth before averting her eyes.
After some contemplative silence she looked back at me, her face inscrutable.
"I am not particularly impressed with what she wishes to disclose. I do not want to be around for when she does so, either. But, I cannot see any other way. She must speak. Whether I am there, or not, she will eventually let her thoughts be known. It is unavoidable. Rosalie's stubbornness knows no bounds, and she will always find a way to share her opinions regardless of their futility."
Alice took a deep breath, speaking a little louder this time, "Especially if no one cares to hear them!"
I didn't hear Rosalie call out and respond to Alice's words but she flinched as if she had.
"Alice," Esme's voice rang out through the hall, "Would you be a dear and come here for just a moment?"
Alice's eyes glazed over. It was brief but I was able to spot them now. Her visions.
For short periods her eyes would become like glass and it was as if she was seeing right through you. Right through the bricks and cement, right through reality itself.
"Alright, I will be with you in a minute," She called back, looking over at me apologetically.
I forced a smile, "Go. Esme needs you."
She looked doubtful but she proceeded to get up and skate to the other side of the room, giving me one last trepidatious look before disappearing down the hall.
It was easy to finish Esme's pasta. She'd spared no expense, so I'd have been a fool not to.
I was finishing the last few mouthfuls of my meal, listening to Emmett in the living room beat up some villainous sprite plastered on the big screen, when Alice returned.
"Bella, sadly I must leave you for a little while," She sat down next to me, a disappointed pout jutting her lower lip, "Something has come up. I need to attend to a rather unfortunate family matter."
"This doesn't have anything to do with Edward, does it?" I nervously chewed my inner cheek, struggling to keep my heartbeat in check.
"No, of course not!" Alice was quick to reassure, "Not at all. It is something else entirely. I hope that you will be okay waiting for me?"
"Yeah, I'll be alright," I nodded, "I will just hang out in your room or something. Go through your diary, even," I joked halfheartedly.
"Like you could even find it," She giggled, eyes crinkling.
She drew back a little, suddenly looking pensive.
"My family should not harass you too much. I wish I could give you more of a, well, fighting advantage, especially concerning Rose, but every time they collide with you it-"
"Gets foggy, disappears, glitches out - I got it," I finished, nodding solemnly.
"You could say that, yes," Alice sighed, "I feel like a fish out of water without my sight. It is so uncomfortable. But, I promise you, Bella. No matter their... Hmm, how shall we say? Cumulative impudence? You should manage just fine."
She leaned forward to peck my cheek, "I will be back before you know it."
Another nod, and another quick kiss - on the lips this time - and she hurried away out of the dining room towards the back of the house.
I could have allowed my curiosity to get the better of me but I held my tongue instead.
With Alice's absence, the back of my neck started to prickle, my hairs standing all on end.
I had the strangest feeling that everybody could not only hear every single word - but that they were purposefully listening in. It made me double-think every conversation but also every thought!
I got out of my chair and grabbed my dishes, doing my best to balance them. I peered around a corner and spotted Esme over a large marble island, recipe book in hand.
"Hello, sweetheart," She looked up from the pages, "All finished? If you are still hungry we have plenty more so, please, there is no need to be too polite to ask!"
"Oh, maybe later," I smiled, "It was very satisfying."
I tried to weave past her to the sink but she snatched my plate and glass right out of my hands before I could blink.
"No way, José," She chuckled, "You are a guest! Now, just relax and let me take care of that for you."
"Are you sure? I'm perfectly happy to clean up after my-"
"I am very sure," She cut me off with a curt smile.
I could hear the maternal edge of finality in Esme's voice, and so wisely decided against stressing the point. I figured that if I wanted to clean that dish I would have to fight her to the death, and, obviously, I would only end up losing that battle miserably.
"You make Alice so happy," Esme hummed over her shoulder, her back turned as she attended to the sink, "I am so thrilled that she has found you after all this time."
"Really?" I swallowed, walking over to sit on a stool behind the island, "Doesn't it bother you that I'm...?"
"No, it does not bother me at all, Bella," Esme spun around, her eyes penetrating, "We always knew there was a chance. Alice was never withholding when it came to her visions of you. Some of my children may be, well..."
She paused in thought for a moment before continuing.
"They are a little apprehensive, sure. However, no matter anybody's personal grievances, everybody is happy to see Alice happy. This life is hard without a mate. It is like going through life with half of yourself missing. None of us are truly going to begrudge Alice, and we are certainly not going to begrudge you."
"I... I don't know what to say."
My heart lurched in my chest, and the back of my eyes felt oddly warm.
"You are a part of this family now, Bella," Esme's face softened as she gazed at me knowingly, "For as long as you want to be a part of it, you are forever welcome."
"Thank you," I rasped, a hesitant smile licking the corners of my lips, "That means a lot."
"Now, enough about my chaotic family," She waved dismissively with a wry chuckle, "What about yours? How are you and Charlie? Carlisle has quite the good business relationship with your Father, but he can never squeeze out anything personal. And what of your Mother? I hope that you are both staying in contact?"
"Um," I paused, chewing my lip as I decided how much and how little to share, "Dad and I are great. Things are... fine. I've been trying to wean him off his microwave dinners but that's proving to be a lot harder than initially thought."
Esme and I both chuckled in unison, her eyes crinkling in amusement while my throat catching from awkwardness.
"As for Re-, um, Mom... not so well," I took in a deep breath, "We haven't really spoken since I moved here. I mean, I think I got an email at some point? But after that, that was it. She's probably too busy with Phil to worry about me. She has a lot on her plate."
I shifted in place, the stool all of a sudden feeling too small.
"What?" Esme gasped, "But she is your Mother! No calls, no texts, nothing?"
"Uh, yep," I smiled uneasily, "She just gets caught up in her own life sometimes. I can't expect her to drop everything for me, so."
"Darling, yes you can," Esme chided, tutting imperiously, "She is your Mother. You are supposed to be able to rely on her. She is supposed to make the effort, and she is supposed to show you that she cares."
"Well, she does care. Just in her own way," I shrugged, a frown beginning to form.
Esme let out a loud sigh.
"Oh, do forgive me, dear. I apologize for pestering you, so! You must think me so rude. It is just concerning as a Mother, myself, to hear how little contact you have had with yours. I hope that you will not take my concern as cause for insult."
"It's okay," I mumbled, "I get it. I mean, I know my Mom isn't normal, so don't sweat it. I should probably call her later tonight or something. She forgets a lot so it's my bad really that we haven't stayed in touch."
Esme dropped the conversation but I could still see the doubt lingering in her eyes, my flimsy excuses far from allaying concerns.
Esme returned to washing the dishes and, as soon as it was polite to do so, I slunk out of the room, heading for the stairs so I could escape back into the safety of Alice's scent and find comfort in her personal belongings.
As I walked down the hall to the stairwell I stopped instinctively in front of two large dark wooden doors.
To the rest of the house's blazing modernity, they loomed, uncharacteristically old, yet not at all weathered.
I ran my fingers along the swirling flower petals carved into the wood, marveling at the intricacies of a time gone by.
"Feel free to come in," Carlisle's voice called from behind the doors.
Well, I'd been caught red-handed. Running now would just look strange.
I grabbed the handle, and took in a deep, grounding, breath.
I slowly edged one of the doors open, poking my head inside to see Carlisle sitting down behind a large ornate desk - same rich colour as the wood I clutched to.
Gilded gold ran down the legs and edges of the work surface like fragile webbing. It must have cost him a fortune.
He looked up from a large book that he had splayed open, a gentle smile coaxing me to take the last necessary few steps.
"Hello," I tentatively murmured, "I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, I swear. I was just admiring your... gosh this sounds weird. I was admiring your door?"
"No need to be so nervous," He stood up from his chair and crossed the room, "I did not suspect that you had been. And, yes. These doors are quite old - they have been with me for many years and I was loathed to part with them. Everywhere we move I just have to bring them along with me. I know that they stand out as rather eclectic alongside my wife's postmodern decorations, but needs must!"
My eyes flickered around his office, noticing the deep burgundy walls and stained wood paneling, the old leather furniture, and the tall book-cases crammed to the brim that skirted the room.
"So, do you like the old over the new?" Carlisle probed, carefully watching my eyes fleet from object to object, marvel to marvel.
"Um, I suppose so," I met his gaze, "Age brings experience, and experience brings knowledge. I like that. Old things, well, they always have a story. Does that make sense?"
"Mm," He seemed to approve of my answer, "Yes. Yes, that makes perfect sense. In fact, it is one of the very reasons I personally collect the old and, sadly, so often forgotten."
His eyes roamed his office, following the trail my eyes had left for him to follow.
"Some memories I do not want to forget," He stalled at a painting showing the glow of the sun touching down on a grassy field still dripping with morning dew, "As for others? I feel that they harbour too much wisdom and, perhaps, warning, to discard."
He moved to stand before an even larger painting, stopping in front three looming figures.
"Who are they?" I whispered as I moved to stand beside him, looking up at the black-hooded men standing on a balcony overlooking an extravagant ballroom below.
They dominated with unspoken power, looking down at us with an arrogance that could only be the result of the highest aristocracy.
"That is Caius," Carlisle murmured, nodding to a white-haired man with eyes as red as blood and skin as fair as snow, "Markus," His head nodded towards the second, a similarly pale and red-eyed man with brown hair who held sorrow and fatigue like it had seeped its way into his very bones, "And, right there, is Aro."
He stood in the middle, the others flanking him, and held his dark-haired head higher than the rest. He glared menacingly, his lips ghosting a conflicting smile - I couldn't tell if he was merely jubilant, or in the midst of plotting something sinister.
He was frightening.
"Hm, that one right there to the back looks a lot like you," I offered shyly, pointing to a fourth hanging in the shadows.
He wasn't wearing a robe like the others, and his amber eyes stared out in stark contradiction to the blood red that glowed around him.
"Good spot!" Carlisle chuckled, "That fellow does not just look like me... That is me."
"But-," I gawped, snapping my head around to look at him, "The painting looks so old?"
"As am I," He smiled, his eyes glancing down to meet my bewildered gaze.
His youthful complexion no longer hid the aged wisdom that swirled behind brilliant topaz.
"Oh, yeah," I grunted, trying poorly to hide my surprise, "Immortal. Sometimes I forget that part."
Carlisle watched me for a moment before walking back to lean up against his desk, his brows furrowed as he kept his eyes locked on me.
"There are some things you should know about us, Bella," He spoke solemnly, the gentle airiness of his voice speedily fading, "I do not know what Alice has told you, but I suspect it is not much. She has a habit of diving head-first into things without thinking twice and, now that she does not have her visions to curtail her enthusiasm, she is liable to rush and make careless mistakes."
"What do you want to talk about?" I edged myself closer to him.
"I am sure it is obvious that you are to keep our secrets. I will not bore you with restating what you already know," Carlisle's lips thinned, "But I will tell you about why it is so important that you do keep our true natures a secret. If your passions for Alice are not satisfactory, at the very least, I hope that your awareness of our plight should hopefully do justice."
He glanced back to linger on the painting of Caius, Markus, and Aro, his features suddenly darkening.
"Those three men? Those vampires? They are the most powerful of our kind. In all of the world, they stand at the very head. You would not think it, would you? Their robes, they almost cloud them in a theatrical sheen. If I did not know them myself, I might think they were mere phantoms of the opera."
He laughed, his eyes crinkling as he detected an irony I remained ignorant to.
"But, no, they are not just characters, or the fanciful paint strokes of a talented madman. They are, in all intents and purposes, my kind's arbiters of law and order. Rulers, perhaps would be a better term."
"Do you mean to say...," I glanced back at the watching red eyes, "You all have some sort of monarchy? A government?"
"Monarchy, yes. That is an apt description," Carlisle nodded, "But I would call it a cabal, personally. There is not just one king, but three."
Carlisle reached behind him and offered up a ring between his thumb and forefinger. I took a few more steps forward so I could look at the sigil imprinted into gold.
"They are called the Volturi," Carlisle continued, his eyes vacant as he succumbed to faraway memories, "I was never one of them, but I once lived with them in Italy. In Volterra. They are old, far older than even I - my 365 years of life a drop in the ocean compared to their long years. They are not like us, as I am sure you have noted from their vermilion irises. Would you believe that they once tried tried to convince me to return to human blood, and to forsake my ways? To let go of my human virtues that were, supposedly, so unbecoming of an immortal."
Carlisle scoffed, flicking the ring back onto the desk before gazing on me through honeyed irises, "As you can see, I did not give in."
I nodded shakily, desperate for him to rip the curtain away from the dark underbelly that no one, at least no human, was normally ever allowed to see.
"As much as I object to their ways, they do serve a purpose," His jaw clenched, "They keep us, especially the youngest of our kind, in check. You see, it would not do to reveal ourselves to the humans. To you, for instance," His eyes fixed on me knowingly.
"We are more powerful than any human-being - than even 50 of your kind put together. But your weapons, and our unequal numbers, makes it a necessity - now more than ever - for our secret to remain hidden. Before your guns, before all of your weapons of mass destruction, the Vultori kept the silence for their own personal games. They enjoy watching the human world turn, you see?" Carlisle shook his head, lost in harrowing thought.
He jerked his head back up and continued with a clipped smile.
"They like to watch from their rubied thrones as if they are old gods, gazing upon the lesser as they futilely seek ascension. I believe that it amuses them a great deal. Regardless, we are no match for human initiative or their weapons any longer. Law and order must be maintained. Our existence protected wholly and completely - sick fascinations or no."
"But how-," I stammered, "How do they keep all of you in check? How many of there are you? How many of the Volturi?"
"Hmm," Carlisle pondered my questions, rubbing his chiseled chin between nimble fingers.
"I suspect that there are only a few thousand of us sprinkled throughout the world. You must understand, it is a great and unbearable chore to turn another. Most do not have the strength to withdraw themselves from bloodlust and let the venom do its work."
"Right," I swallowed again, "Reasonable, I guess."
I could tell he was holding back a chuckle, but I didn't mind. My human curiosity, my ignorance, would seem funny to a being of his stature and years.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" I chewed my lower lip, scrunching my hands into my pockets.
"Well, I will attend to your other question first, as it helps to explain my motives rather suitably. The Volturi are, as I have made clear, a terribly old order. Consequently, they are just as powerful as they are old. They have collected an army of talented vampires, skilled in the art of death, pursuit, and torture."
This time Carlisle was the one to swallow in unease.
"They can find out rebellion and disorder faster than our kind has time to hide it. Every vampire is in fear of them, so every vampire is obedient to them. One of the rules never to be broken - the most important and perhaps most cherished - is that we do not tell the humans what we are. The Volturi considers it too great a risk. Perhaps, even sacrilege."
"Bella," He stepped away from the desk, reaching out to rest his cold hand on my shoulder, "This world you are entering into is far greater than just this family. You must be careful and you must stay guarded. Occasionally, other vampires do come into our territory. We fend them off - most of our kind deterred by a coven as great in number as ours. But, regardless, you must stay vigilant and not let others know of what we have told you. Not just for our safety, but for your own as well. You are a part of our family now. We will protect you, but it is my hope that it will never have to come to that."
"Duly noted" I breathed.
If Carlisle entrusted me with this knowledge, then I felt it was my personal responsibility to safeguard it; I would never do anything to hurt Alice or her family.
"I guess I can see why you're a doctor, now," I laughed awkwardly, shuffling my feet over the floor.
"Why is that?" His blond brows rose, eyes alight with curiosity.
"Your compassion. Even for someone like me - an ordinary human. I still don't understand how you can deal with all the blood, though. Alice mentioned how hard it is to endure. Why do you?"
"Well, just as Alice has her gifts, so do I," He smiled gently, "I suppose my gift is my ability to withstand its allure. My desire to do more good than the evil my kind sows, is enough to sustain me when blood's siren song comes calling. It was harder - in the beginning - to withstand it, but as time continued to tick by, my resilience deepened, as did my knack for self-restraint. I am hoping that one day my children will share in this very same strength."
"Well, Alice is pretty good at it already she-"
"She is in love with you, Bella. You are a mated pair. That is a very different thing," Carlisle corrected, shaking his head.
Any words I had choked in my throat.
Alice had made her feelings known, but it was a whole other ball game to have her very own Father admit openly to it.
As strange it may have seemed, the profession made me drift to images of waiting in her bedroom.
Separation was unbearable.
"Thank you, Carlisle. Thank you for sharing so much with me. I promise you that I'll do my best not to disappoint you - my best not to disappoint any of you."
As I edged my way back out the door, he called out one last time before I slipped away.
"You will never disappoint us, Bella. You are family."
I climbed slowly up the stairs to Alice's room - one laboured step at a time, one laboured thought following in its wake.
Simply by association - Alice and I's pairing holding more weight than first thought - I was considered one of them.
How?
It seemed like all I was doing was gathering up an unpayable debt. I had entered into a world far greater than my little soul had the strength to match. I knew that something, or someone, would eventually come knocking in order to collect; Take payment, by force if necessary, for my indiscretion.
Alice couldn't see it, but I could.
The saddest part? I was far too weak to stay away.
As I stumbled up the last few steps I passed by a large frame hanging on the wall. At first, I thought it was another painting, but on closer inspection, I realized it was a sea of graduation caps.
I slid the door closed to Alice's room with a gentle click, turning to collapse down onto her bed. The purple satin sheets beneath my fingers reminding me of her silken skin and feather-light embrace.
"What am I supposed to do?" I breathed out, a faint whisper in the air, formless and vulnerable - the sound disappearing into the deafening ether faster than it had come.
I heard the door handle begin to turn and I jolted up with a start, watching in shock as Rosalie darted into the room. She pressed her back up against the door and shut it quickly.
"W-what are you doing here?" I stammered, shoving myself up so I could sit upright.
"I am here to talk you out of stupidity, seeing as my sister refuses to," Her eyes were sharp and direct, her lips ever so slightly curling.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you really think you are cut out for this, Bella?" Her gaze darkened.
Her words hung in the air - accusing me with their scathing celerity.
"Truthfully? No. But... I love her."
There was nothing else to it.
I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't know better because I did know better. But Alice was too hard to resist and she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.
If I tried to run, tried to let her go, I would be haunted by the nightmares of her pain and both of our aching hearts. If it was just my pain, just my broken heart, I could do it. But it wasn't. It would be the both of us, and I just couldn't do that to her.
"Of course," Rosalie rolled her eyes, sneering, "Pitiful. You sound just like Alice."
"Wouldn't you do the same for Emmett?" I defended. This seemed to pique her interest, her eyes widening before she turned her head away.
She folded her arms, her blonde hair shielding her expression from view.
She returned to look at me with a cool calculating stare, eyes pinched.
"You may be right. Maybe I would do the same thing. But I wasted so many opportunities to be the bigger person when I was younger, I lost so many chances to be more than I am. I am hoping that you will not follow in my footsteps and that you will not repeat my mistakes. I would have wanted someone to warn me, and so that is what I am doing for you."
"I don't understand," I swallowed, fingers curling over my lap, "You have everything? What more could you want?"
"To have children. To grow old. To be human - allowed to change, allowed to die. This is not everything it is cracked up to be, Bella," Rosalie scoffed and folded her arms over her chest.
"We haven't even discussed... Alice hasn't said anything about making me like her. Making me like you. I don't see a problem...," I struggled to maintain eye contact, her gaze icy cold.
"She will. She will not be able to help herself," Rosalie shrugged, eyes still hard.
"Anyway, this is my family, Bella. I will do everything in my power to protect my family. You have already driven Edward away, how long before you drive away the others? Jasper is not even here - have you not noticed? He is too scared to be near you. He is afraid that your blood will call to him and destroy his resolve just as it did Edward's. Do you really want to tear us all apart? Do you really want to hurt Alice by destroying her family? Esme grieves for her lost son, the son you drove away. You spoke to her, did you not? In the kitchen, right? She hides her pain well and, of course, does not overtly blame you, but that does not make it any less your fault. I fear that the longer you stay in Alice's life the more damage you will do."
I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowing hard.
Rosalie's words pierced through all of my flimsy excuses and delusional pretenses, digging down right into the core of my worst fears.
All I'd thought about when Alice told me Edward had left was that I was safer for it. All I had seen was a monster instead of the truth - a brother, a son, a man warring within himself to do the right thing. I had never thought about how my existence, my actions, were impacting her family.
Perhaps I'd thought on how they affected Alice, but still, that hadn't moved me. I had been selfish - too fixated on what I wanted and how she made me feel. I refused to act.
Unwittingly or not - a choice or not - I had disrupted the balance. I'd feared it, but it was something else to have a Cullen so bluntly state my unspoken fears right back to me.
I hadn't opened my eyes, too afraid to see the truth in Rosalie's unforgiving scowl, but her voice broke through. It had lost some of its fight - some of its gravel - and if I wasn't so caught up in the horror of her previous words I would have found some semblance of regret hiding away in there.
"Look, you cannot hold onto your past mistakes, you have to learn from them and then let them go. You have to do the right thing - fixing things when and where you can. I hope you do the right thing, Bella. I really do. And... I am sorry."
I heard the click of the door and I knew she was gone. I collapsed back down onto the bed.
The unshed tears that I had been holding in immediately started to fall.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ : *. .* : ﾟ. ───
I hopped from tree to tree, easily following Jasper's scent from up in the boughs. All of us had recently fed, yet, here I was, on his trail, following him hunt what smelt like a mountain lion. I couldn't blame him - they were particularly hard to find this close to town and quite the luxury.
I watched him in my mind's eye flitter between choices - both how to kill the poor beast and how best to pursue it. I watched him, once he had finalized his strategy, leap agilely from the shadows and tackle the beast.
The visions ended with the last drop of the lion's blood touching Jasper's tongue, and my silent approach pulling his attention away from the drained quarry hanging in his arms.
"Nice find," I mused, pointing to the limp animal.
His eyes glowed brighter, the colour invigorated by the blood now absorbing into all of Jasper's organs, sinews, and fibrous muscles.
"Mm, I know," His southern drawl seemed to warm the chill that cloaked the forest floor and low hanging branches, "I just couldn't resist."
I pranced over to him, still admiring his freshly acquired kill.
"Esme told me everything."
Maybe it wasn't the best approach but I wanted to cut to the chase. The quicker I could alleviate Jasper's fears the sooner I could return to Bella's deliciously warm embrace.
"Of course she did," He sighed and let the lion fall out of his hands with a loud thud.
"She worries about you. We know it is harder than you for the rest of us. And what with Edward-... We understand why you feel so shaken."
"You are my sister, Alice. I do not want to hurt her. I can see what Edward has done to you - how he has made you feel. I do not want to do that to you. Or do worse than that..." His words trailed away, his jaw clenching as he pushed violent thoughts from his mind.
"Jasper, I do not see you hurting her," I placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a placating squeeze.
"Alice," Jasper chided, a small frown picking at his brows, "You cannot see things clearly when it comes to her. And, anyway, your visions do not work like that. It is not like I would preemptively decide to- to-... Dammit!" He threw his hands in the air, beginning to pace back and forth at an inhuman speed.
"I know, Jasper. I know," I sat down on a rock, watching him try to shake off his fear and guilt.
"You know," I broke the silence, the beetles on the forest floor no longer capable of holding my attention, "You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. If Edward were still here, her blood would sing to him more than it ever would to you. You can withstand it. Trust me. You are just too worked up because of what Edward has done to see that."
"You are not Edward, Jaz. And Bella's not merely some girl off the street. She means the world to me and you know that. At your very core, you are a good man. You are not going to harm her. You certainly will not struggle more than if she was any other girl you pass daily in the school halls. Just believe in yourself, Jaz. Your belly is full, and you have hundreds of years of wisdom and experience on your side. If things get too much, you will know when to leave. It is not like you will simply lunge! And, even if you did? If it ever comes down to that? There are plenty of us around to stop you."
He halted his feverish pacing and stood still, his body immovable, his expression unreadable. After a while he let out a soft chuckle, breaking away from his statuesque ponderings and coming to rest beside me.
"Remember when we met?" He leaned onto his knees, his hands clasped together.
"How could I forget!" I laughed, the warm memory crinkling my eyes and bringing a smile to my lips, "You were so utterly precious. Fearful as all hell, but trying to hide it with that darned gift of yours."
"Hey now," He playfully reprimanded, bumping me with his elbow, "If I can bring down possible hostilities - confrontation - I will. And you know I wanted ya'll to like me. A dose of contentment and splash of acceptance seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Shame Edward cut that short, though. Was a bastard then and still is now."
Our laughter swept through the forest and up into the foliage of the trees, birds whistling in tandem with the melodious sound.
"But, no," Jasper shook his head, "That is not the part I wanted to focus on. You knew them all so well, everybody was so close and I was still an outsider covered in scars from all the battles of the deep south. If you had not warned 'em of my coming, I doubted they would have been so accepting."
He took in a deep breath, his body tensing at the memory.
"You raced up to me before any of the others even got close and you wrapped your tiny little arms around me. I had half a mind to fight or run! But, I didn't. I felt you. Your joy, your elation, your love. And even though I didn't know how your visions foretold of our relationship... I just knew. I knew I had found a home. Found a sister, at long last," Another chuckle rippled past his lips.
"Everyone told me to ingratiate you gently - but I just could not reign in my enthusiasm!" I scrunched my nose, giving him a playful swat.
"I remember your first words to me. You said 'No matter how unbelievable it sounds, Jasper... I know you can do it. Just be brave. You are going to be exactly who you want to be, and not what others have made you!'. I thought you were insane," He shook his head, dirty blond waves rustling over his cheeks, "But, I loved you right then and there - just as everyone else always does whenever they get the blessing to cross your path. So, dear Alice, I will stick to those words. If you believe I can do it - if you think I can be brave - then I will be damned to ever go against you!"
My heart swelled; new incites gleaned, and a new awareness of my brother finally unearthed, making my eyes burn.
"Oh, you silly old fool," I giggled, my throat swollen with emotion. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed.
"Now, come on! Stop all of this silliness and let us get back. I would like you to meet her!"
"Yes, ma'am," He bowed goodhumoredly, before jumping up to race towards the house with me.
We entered through the backdoors and, as soon as my feet stepped inside, I instinctively started to look around in search of my love, my nose quick to inhale her scent and trace her path.
I entered the lounge, spotting Rosalie and Emmett.
Rosalie was wrapped around Emmett on the couch. He smashed buttons on the controller as he concentrated on the widescreen mounted to the wall.
Our eyes locked and I immediately saw the guilt that simmered behind amber.
"She is up in your room," Rosalie turned away from me, nuzzling her face into Emmett's neck as he whooped for joy - beating another boss in his video game.
"What did you do?" I accused.
"Go talk to her about it, yourself. I hardly did anything at all."
Emmett perked up at our conversation, first glancing to his wife and then over his shoulder towards me. His expression was apologetic, but I took little comfort in such meagre peace offerings.
Emmett was always too complacent when it came to Rosalie's antics. The days where I dreamed that he would put his foot down were long gone now, but it still would have been nice if he had kept his mate from harassing mine.
Jasper hung behind me, his gift dampening anger that should have come naturally at Rosalie's sabotaging.
"We will have to delay meetings for the time being, Jaz. I must attend to Bella now that I know she has been accosted by our foolish sister," I forced out bitingly.
Rosalie surprisingly did not hiss or snarl at my provocations. Either Jasper's powers had forced her into peaceful submission, or her very own shame had overridden all desire to snap back.
"Not a problem. I shall return to my room. I will be in my room if you need me," He flashed away up to the loft.
As soon as I opened the door, and found her crumpled on the bed, tears just beginning to dry on her rosy cheeks, a guttural cry of anguish ripped through my chest.
I would make Rosalie pay for this.
Another late chapter... All I can say is sorry and that university is kicking my ass :') Apologies if there are mistakes in this one or it reads a little janky! I've opted to just release it as opposed to hyper-fixating on every minor flaw and editing the shit out of it. Probably just gonna' be my vibe from now on so prepare yourselves for a possible drop in quality. It's that, or this fanfic takes a whole year to come out lmao. Anywhoooo hope everyone enjoyed Carlisle and Bella's phat chat, heh. Perhaps Rosalie's not so much? To be fair, some of her arguments were justified... It doesn't really help that Bella seems to be looking for any old excuse to validate her insecurities and her lack of (perceived) entitlement to Alice and her world! Also, I'm kind of realising how dialogue heavy this fanfic is. I personally am invested in relationship dynamics etc but I think I focused a little too much on it. Eh. A lot of you guys seem to be liking it regardless (massive thanks to you all!) so my fingers are crossed that you all enjoy this chapter, too.
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