Note:Lyrics are from Chase McDaniel's Relapse... but reworked by me, because boys.

Chapter 2: Relapse

I think I'm gonna relapse

Punk is on the couch with Larry watching the game, and he swears he hasn't registered a minute of the action on screen. He's never been so out of it watching the Hawks, but he's still got adrenaline pumping through his veins – his body always responds to Max this way, and even five years later, he apparently still has the same 's heard from friends who survived addiction that, as far as drugs and booze go, that feeling never goes away. That craving will always be there in some way.

I think I'm gonna relapse

He absentmindedly bounces his leg until Larry is giving him a look that pretty obviously says, Dad… what the fuck? I was COMFY here. Punk immediately freezes and gives Larry an apologetic look. "Sorry, buddy. Dad's an asshole. Come here." He scoops Larry up into his arms and holds him close to his chest. Larry hasn't seen him like this since… well, since five years ago when this whole thing had fallen apart on him… to absolutely no one's surprise.

He picks up his phone. Looks at the time. Puts his phone back down. Picks up the remote. Adjusts the volume up a little… then down a little… then back to where it started. Puts the remote down. Checks the time on his phone again.

He's driving himself crazy. Or Max is driving him crazy, and he can't fucking stand how one call from Max has lit him up like a junkie with the promise of his next fix. CM Punk has spent his entire life committed to the principles of living life drug free, without anything in his system but the chemicals his body produces naturally. It's why he loves the rush of being on stage, or working out… Why he loves the adrenaline pumping through his veins at a show in the pit.

I always knew he was bad for me
From the beginning my friends were mad at me
Saying, "Boy, you better get the hell away
A guy like that'll cause you nothing but pain"

But Max's voice alone feels like a fix of something he isn't supposed to have – something he doesn't want, but craves just the same. Just enough of a taste to set his entire being on fire with a need that he doesn't know how to silence.

There's a saying that when you not only like someone, but like who you are when you're with them, that's the person for you. Punk has heard it before, and believed it… and yet somehow, the person he wants, needs, loves, is a person with whom Punk is 100% sure he is the very worst version of himself. People who love him have told him for so long that he needs to steer clear of Max… both of them deserve happiness and a good life, but they both know that they'll never get that as long as they're together, destroying each other in new ways every day.

I'd be rollin' out late in the driveway
Sneaking out of mine to get high at his place
Pretending that he's mine when he's calling my name
Getting my fix when he lies to my face

All of that is true. Punk knows it with every fiber of his being.

But right now? He doesn't fucking care.

He grabs his phone again, this time opening up his contacts and quickly selecting his best friend Joe's number from his favorites. He's not sure if he wants Joe to help him with what he's doing, or to talk him out of it, but he's diving in headfirst one way or another.

"What's up, Punk?" Joe asks by way of answering the phone.

"Hey, dude… not much," Punk lies… almost too easily. He's always been brutally honest to a fault, but when it comes to Max, it's like his entire moral code falls apart. "Hey, I've gotta go out of town for a few days, and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on Larry for me?"

"Oh, yeah?" Joe says. "Where are you headed without Larry? You take him everywhere."

Then I'm going home and I'm full of regret
Hiding from the boys all the time that I spent
With a man that's so mean, know I gotta get clean
But I'm addicted to the spell that he got on my body

And just like that, he's caught. Joe has been one of his best friends for decades… In fact, once upon a time he'd told Max, "I have friendships older than you," and one such friendship is the one he has with Joe. They'd grown up together, and despite not seeing eye to eye on everything, they've maintained a solid friendship throughout the years. Lying to Joe is stupid, and Punk knows it. "I, uh… I gotta make a trip to New York. Won't be gone long I don't think, but I don't want to fight with a hotel over him for it to just be a couple days."

"New York, huh?" Joe says, his voice making it abundantly clear to Punk that he's not getting out of this one. "What's in New York? Besides you know… years of really stupid decisions on your part?"

I think I'm gonna relapse, said I'd never be back
Sick of obsessing over everything that we had
Lock me in the house, never let me leave
Keep me from my car, go and hide away my keys

"I'm just going to check in on a friend," Punk says, knowing that won't be enough for Joe. He wants to make this quick and easy and get the fuck out of here, but he's made the mistake of calling one of the people who knows him best in the world… and he'd hoped he would get out of the third degree by calling Joe instead of one of his sisters.

"A friend whose fiance just dumped him in front of God and everybody?" Joe asks, and while Punk was planning to answer, that question shuts him up quickly – his mouth snaps closed so quickly that his teeth click together.

"How did you know that?" he finally asks.

"The wife's really into TMZ," Joe replies. "And your little mistake is a New York high society golden boy. It made the gossip news. So lie to somebody else, Phil. Not to me."

Punk rubs his eyes. "Can… can you please just take Larry for me for a few days? We can fight about it later, I promise."

"You realize last time you left him, you told me to physically injure you to keep you from going back, right?" Joe reminds him. "And I promised you I would. You want me to break a promise?"

"Fine," Punk says. "I'll take him with me and sleep in the car with him. I don't want to have to fight with you."

"Bring Larry," Joe finally says. "He didn't do anything to deserve sleeping in the car. I won't injure you… But I probably should."

Yeah, I think I'm gonna relapse
Check me in a rehab, and detox my brain
Get him out my veins, I need more than space
If I run his way, put a ball bat to my knee caps
I think I'm gonna relapse

Max's phone rings, and he's relieved to see Cody's name pop up. He accepts the call, trying not to let on that, despite the fact he told Punk that he didn't have any more booze, he found another bottle tucked away. It was sambuca, and it was awful – he couldn't even remember why he had it in the first place. But when the point was getting drunk, not enjoying your drink, it would have to do.

So his speech is even more slurred when he answers the phone, and Cody knows immediately that something's not right. Not that he needed to hear Max slurring his speech like someone in a bad episode of Cops to know that. He had been at the party where Adam had unceremoniously dumped Max and walked out. "Hey, Max," Cody says, trying not to let his worry show in his tone.

I know I'm in a strange position
But lovin' that man's like a head on collision
And I'd turn around but I've already committed
Headin' his way for another bad decision

"Hey," Max replies, determined to try and seem sober, and absolutely not doing that. "What's up?"

Cody would laugh if the situation wasn't such a fucking bummer. "Just wanted to check on you. After this weekend, you kind of fell off the face of the earth, and I was worried."

"I'm great," Max says, and the sarcasm is obvious even through the filter of his drunk speech. "Just hanging out at my place with Piper."

"Piper, and apparently John, Jack, and Jose, too," Cody replies. "Please tell me you haven't done anything stupid. Or at least not… any stupider than setting up the hangover you're going to have tomorrow."

"I didn't do anything stupid," Max lies.

"You totally did something stupid," Cody says, as certain of that fact as he is of his own name. "What did you do Max?"

"Nothing!" insists Max, almost angry that Cody is even asking… maybe a little more angry that Cody's right. "I mean, nothing except drink sambuca, which… Jesus Christ, whose idea was that for a drink?!"

"Just sambuca?" Cody asks dubiously. "That's it?"

There's no point trying to hide things from his best friend, and Max sighs. "Just sambuca and I called Punk."

Everybody says that I'm livin' two lives
Lying to my friends where I went just last night
Lying to myself that we'd have a good life
That whatever he's doin' he been doing it just right

There it is. And it's worse than Cody had thought. "You called Punk. What would you do that for, Max? You know good and damn well that's a bad idea."

"I miss him," Max says, and immediately hates himself for being so drunk that he's whining to Cody about missing Punk. "I just wanted to talk to him, you know?"

And I think I'm gonna relapse, said I'd never be back
Sick of obsessing over everything that we had
Lock me in the house, never let me leave
Keep me from my car, go and hide away my keys

"That's how it always starts," Cody counters. "Max, you can't do this to yourself again."

"Do what? He's in Chicago. It's not like I can get into too much trouble with him halfway across the country, right? I was just…" Thinking of him? Sad? Lonely? Craving how he makes me feel? "I was drunk. Am drunk. But we just talked for a few minutes and that was it. Nothing happened."

"Yet," Cody says, shaking his head. "This is how it always starts with you two. And the next thing I know, it's that goddamn push and pull, back and forth bullshit, and you're calling me up torn apart again. Don't do this to yourself again, Max. Please, don't. You're already dealing with enough bullshit."

Yeah, I think I'm gonna relapse
Check me in a rehab, and detox my brain
Get him out my veins,
Can't help what I crave, if I run his way
Put a ball bat to my knee caps
I think I'm gonna relapse

"It's not like he's going to come here, Cody. It's fine, okay?"

Max's insistence isn't convincing… not in the slightest. "If he does," he finally says, his tone making it very clear that he's not kidding "I swear to god, Max, I'll kill him. He's the last thing you need to be dealing with right now."

Max knows Cody's right.

Max also doesn't care.

I'm just sick and tired of this messing around
I know he ain't the kind to be settlin' down
Maybe I just gotta get outta this town, yeah
But I can't do it right now

It's way too late to be starting this journey when Punk has dropped Larry off at Joe's. He should go home and go to bed tonight and leave first thing in the morning, if he's going to do this at all, but Punk's never been very serious about doing what he should do by anyone else's standards. Once Larry is safely with Joe and his wife, Punk's on the road. It's over 13 hours drive to get to Max, and the sooner he gets started? The sooner he's there. The sooner he can get the fix his mind and body are craving.

I think I'm gonna relapse, said I'd never be back
Sick of obsessing over everything that we had
Lock me in the house, never let me leave
Keep me from my car, go and hide away my keys

Driving into the darkness of the night only seems fitting… Because Punk is headed into the darkness of his own soul. And whatever comes next? He will very likely come to regret. But for the moment, he cranks up Minor Threat on the radio and sings along with every word of every song as he drives east.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna relapse
Check me in a rehab, and detox my brain
Get him out my veins, I need more than space
Can't help what I crave, if I run his way
Put a ball bat to my knee caps

I think I'm gonna relapse

Yeah

I think I'm gonna relapse

I think I'm gonna relapse