"So, are we ready to head out to Sanctuary, gang?" Axton asked everyone.
"More or less. Let's get this show on the road, gang." Ben said, getting up from his seat.
"Flynt and I had a gentlemen's agreement in the past. I give him the loot from the bodies Jack ditches in the glacier, he promises not to torture me for hours at a time, then he does it anyway!" Claptrap said as he joined everyone. "But that ends today! We're gonna take him out, steal my ship back, and sail to Sanctuary!"
"Are you willing to come with us, Sir Hammerlock?" Double-D asked as the gentleman scholar stroked his beard.
"I suppose so, but only because I have twenty valuable and trusted allies...and Claptrap as well, I guess."
"Let's go this way!" Claptrap said, leading the way for everyone out of Liar's Berg and out to where they could find Flynt, who just so happened to speak on the ECHO line.
"Here's what's gonna happen, Vault Hunters. My first mate Boom Bewm is gonna kill ya, Jack's gonna pay us, and I'm gonna play hopscotch in your chest cavities!"
"Charming..." Spy muttered.
"Ah, yes, Captain Flynt is a rather interesting sort, isn't he?" Hammerlock said.
As if to make matters worse, Handsome Jack himself decided to call in. From the sound of it, he was currently eating something.
"Hey! How - ah, these pretzels suck… So, how's your day been, gang? We haven't really talked much since I left you for dead. Hey, you think you'll freeze to death out there? Nah, probably not. The bandits'll get you first."
"With how many of us are there, I doubt that!" Eddy snarked.
"My day? It's been pretty good. Just bought a pony made of diamonds, because I'm rich. So, you know. That's cool. Kay, bye."
"A pony made of diamonds?" Maya asked incredulously. "I'll see that when I believe it."
"Jack is very rich/it is not exactly far/to think he lacks one," Zer0 commented.
"THE PONY EATS RAINBOWS AND POOPS BUTTERFLIES!" Krieg shouted.
Running into some bandits patrolling a nearby town, the group wasted no time in taking them all out. Hammerlock chipped in a little with a Jakobs Rex pistol and Buffalo sniper rifle.
"Minions, what have you DONE?! These were human beings with lives and families and-" Claptrap cried in horror before laughing. "Ahhhh, I'm totally kidding. SCREW those guys!"
"Considering most of the people here on Pandora are murderers, rapists, and anarchists, it is completely acceptable to kill them," Hammerlock commented. "No use feeling bad about them."
"I still don't exactly feel fully comfortable with this..." Double-D muttered.
"Hey, you knew what you were signing up for, Double-D," Gaige said, patting her friend on the back.
"I'm rackin' my brain trying to think of a name for that diamond pony I bought." Handsome Jack spoke up again. "I was gonna call it 'piss-for-brains' in honor of you, but that just feels immature. Maybe… 'Butt Stallion'? Nah, that's even worse. Tell ya what, I'll give it some more thought."
"THE STALLION HAS A BUTT!" Krieg cried.
"Easy, big guy." Maya said. "He's just trying to mock us."
"I think Butt Stallion sounds better than Piss-For-Brains, that's for sure." Scout said, Pyro muffling something in agreement.
After killing some more bandits, Claptrap made his way over to a control panel and hacked into it before lowering the bridges to the next town over. As everyone crossed, Handsome Jack decided to talk again.
"I should probably clarify - the diamond horse I've been telling you about? It's not a sculpture, or anything. It's a living horse that actually happens to be made of - actually, I'll just go get her. Butt Stallion! Here, girl! Butt Stallion! Say hello!"
"Wait, is he serious?!" Eddy gawked.
As if to answer his question, the sound of a horse whinnying was heard on the ECHO line, stunning everybody into silence even as they took out the bandits waiting for them on the other side of the bridge.
"Butt Stallion says hello."
"Holy crap, he wasn't kidding!" Ben said in disbelief.
"Where can I get one of those?" Eddy pondered.
"Don't even think about it, Eddy!" Double-D said.
"Well, baring that bizarre conversation we just had with Handsome Jack, we must brace ourselves," Hammerlock warned. "We are currently entering the Wreck of the Ice Sickle, where Boom Bewm has made his territory."
"AAAAHHHH! And he's right there!" Claptrap cried.
A bandit wearing a yellow and grey suit with an iron welding mask that had spikes on it climbed onto a cannon and posed, a smaller bandit wearing similar garb flying on a jetpack.
"Ladies and gentlemen; Boom...and his younger brother, Bewm." Hammerlock introduced.
"They're locked and loaded, lads!" Demoman exclaimed as everyone quickly got behind whatever cover they could find.
"LIGHT THE FUSES, BITCHES!" Boom shouted as he manned the cannon. "I'M READY TO BLOW!"
"What are we gonna do?!" Gaige asked.
Medic simply smirked as he turned to Heavy, showing his backpack had a small counter on it that was glowing brightly. Heavy grinned, understanding what his friend was suggesting and moved out from behind cover, taking out his minigun.
"DOCTOR! HIT CHARGE!"
Medic flicked the switch on his patented 'Medi-Gun' and fired it at Heavy, who roared as power flowed through him, his body covered in a solid blood-red light as he opened fire on Boom's cannon, Big Bertha.
The bandit panicked and tried to blast Heavy to bits but he simply shrugged it off, laughing maniacally all the while.
"I AM BULLETPROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!"
Boom didn't stand a chance after that. Big Bertha was torn to shreds and he was reduced to the consistency of Swiss Cheese, his mangled and bullet-ridden corpse flopping into the snow.
"BOOM!" Bewm cried out for his brother, only to be taken out by a headshot from Hammerlock.
"Bloody hell, that was a good shot, mate!" Sniper complimented.
"Why thank you, my good sir!"
"YEAH! YOU DID IT!" Claptrap cheered before noticing something that Boom's corpse had dropped. "Looks like he dropped a Grenade Mod - be sure to equip it!"
"Ooooh!" Ed said as he went over and picked up the mod. "What does it do?"
"Those change the way your grenades behave – if you find the right mod, you can throw grenades that home in on targets, or spew flame, or split into a bazillion tinier grenades! They're badass!" Claptrap explained excitedly.
Turns out Boom and Bewm's corpses had dropped plenty of Grenade Mods, which everyone took for themselves. Once they were all loaded up, they went to a large gate that was blocking their way.
"Raggin' fraggin' locked gate!" Claptrap cursed.
"We can't exactly use the cannon since we totally trashed that thing," Axton noted as everyone looked at the remains of Big Bertha.
"I am stupid, stupid Heavy!" Heavy said, slapping his forehead.
"Don't beat yourself up, amigo...I don't think you'd survive," Salvador said.
"Thank you, Tiny Heavy."
"Don't worry, I think I can handle this," Ben said as he approached the gate.
Maya frowned. "You're kidding, right? That thing's gotta way five hundred tons!"
"Don't think even Heavy, Krieg, and Ed combining their strength could get that thing budging," Scout noted.
Ben said nothing as he placed his hand on the gate and his Siren tattoos began glowing brown-red color, the same as rust. Everyone was left shocked as the gate immediately started to rapidly rust before disintegrating into dust.
"What kind of Siren power is that?!" Axton gawked.
"My Siren power is called 'Phasebend'. It lets me manipulate the elements of the universe." Ben explained. "Fire, Water, Earth, Air, that sort of thing."
"Apparently Rust counts as an element..." Maya muttered.
"Well, Rust is technically Metal. It's an iron oxide formed by the reaction of iron and oxygen in the catalytic presence of water or air moisture." Engineer explained.
"Yeah, we get it, Hardhat. Rust happens when metal stuff gets wet!" Scout commented.
"INCOMING!" Soldier suddenly shouted as everyone saw bandits and psychos charging in.
Everyone quickly sprung into action and shot down all the approaching enemies. After taking care of them, they moved forward again and Gaige proceeded to attack a bunch of Rakk in the sky, all of them being one-hit kills with blood gushing from all of them!
"Good lord, Gaige! Did you really have to do that?!" Double-D asked.
"Why should Go-Go Big Brain Gaige-Girl not do so?" Rolf questioned. "It is no different than shooting vultures to prevent them from devouring your livestock!"
"Yeah, besides, it's like shooting birds!" Eddy added. "And I HATE birds!"
The gang then reached the bandit camp proper and decided to let their presence be known by throwing their grenades simultaneously into the camp. What followed was a glorious display of explosions and body parts being sent flying as Double-D gagged before Spy offered a handkerchief.
"Thank you..." The sock-hatted teen said before retching into the napkin.
"Captain Flynt again, asking if anyone's seen my CL4P-TP unit. Little bastard escaped a few months back. I've had to use Heaton as my backup torture doll."
The sound of a bloodcurdling scream of agony was heard over the megaphone as everyone cringed.
"Just ain't the same."
"And you had to put up with that guy?!" Gaige asked Claptrap.
"Yeah, he's a real piece of work, ain't he?"
"As I said before in the previous chapter, it would be a personal favor of mine if you made his death as prolonged as possible," Hammerlock commented.
"LOTHAR SHALL SMITE THE WICKED CAPTAIN OF FLINT!" Ed declared, raising his rocket launcher high.
Soldier liked Ed's whimsy and joined him in leading the charge toward Captain Flynt's base of operation.
"LAST ONE ALIVE, LOCK THE DOOR!"
After some trekking, the group of twenty-two arrived at the stairs leading to Flynt's base. Fortunately, thanks to Claptrap's Fragtrap program being reinstalled by Engineer a few chapters back, he was able to climb the stairs with everyone.
"Come on out, Flynt! Your CL4P-TP unit has returned!" Claptrap challenged.
Fire bellowed out throughout the base from various furnaces in the ground as Captain Flynt himself stood up from his throne and raised a pickaxe high.
"It's our new torture-and-fuck dolls, boys! LET'S TURN UP THE HEAT!"
Now normally, Claptrap's bravado would have crumbled and he would be left running around in terror like usual...but this wasn't one of those stories.
"You think I'm scared of you, Flynt? I got my old Fragtrap program back! Which means you're about to be tarred and feathered by me and my badass comrades!"
"Well, it's a step up from minion, that's for sure," Demoman noted.
"CHARGE!" Eddy cried as the Vault Hunters and Flynt's men got into a shoot-out.
Ben and Claptrap were the ones to confront Captain Flynt himself, Claptrap readying his pistol as Ben took out his Bitch.
"You're gonna be easy to torture, kid! The younger ones always scream louder!" Flynt taunted.
"I'm not gonna be doing the screaming here, Flynt..." Ben said as his tattoos glowed coal black before firing a glob of something that splattered onto Flynt's armor, making him stumble back in surprise.
"Hey, what the hell is this crap?!"
Ben smirked. "Oh, I'm sorry...you've never heard of OIL before?"
Flynt barely had time to process what Ben said as he stumbled onto one of his floor furnaces, which shot out flames and ignited the oil covering him, engulfing him in flames. Ben and Claptrap watched with slightly cathartic pleasure as he then screamed in torturous pain, the flames spreading across his entire body.
"Ahhhh, music to my ears." Hammerlock smiled as he noticed Flynt's suffering as well.
"Hey, Claptrap, wanna re-enact this movie scene with me?" Ben asked as he readied his Bitch.
"Oooh! I think I know what you're talking about!"
The two then opened fire on Flynt, riddling him with bullets all over his body as he burned to death. Everyone else finished killing the last of Flynt's minions as they saw the two reduce the bandit captain to a lead-filled beanbag chair.
"BOOYAH! You're the most fearsome warrior this glacier has ever seen!" Claptrap cheered, jumping up to give Ben a high-five.
"Way to steal the show, man!" Eddy commented.
"This reminds Rolf of when he and Papa laid waste to the bandits threatening Mama's native village!" Rolf commented. "Ah, Papa had tears in his eyes when Rolf removed the membrane from the bandit leader."
"You sure you're not part of the Truxican Clan, nino?" Salvador asked the Son of a Shepard.
"Oh, look at this!" Claptrap realized as he fished something out of Flynt's immolated and bullet-ridden corpse. "It's Flynt's Tinderbox! It's a pistol that Flynt modified to deal burning damage and then never used!"
Pyro clapped his hands excitedly, signifying that he wanted that weapon. Claptrap happily tossed it to the arsonist, who caught the pistol and admired it while stroking the barrel lovingly.
"A match made in heaven, I say." Engineer smiled.
Everyone then boarded the ship and Claptrap proceeded to drop it into the water. With a sigh of relief, the gang decided to rest for the trip to Sanctuary as Claptrap manned the wheel.
"Let us set sail!"
Captain Flynt is dead and our heroes are on their way to Sanctuary!
Also, I just had to have Pyro pick up Captain Flynt's Tinderbox, it just made too much sense to me.